Candy Leigh's Blog, page 2

Finding Your Tribe

The following paragraphs are an excerpt from my book, and it’s all about the magic of what happens when a group of amazing people get together for a two-day canoe trip on the river. It’s about friendship. It’s about caring for one another in grace and without question. You can read the full chapter about “Finding Your Tribe” in the section called “August Adventures” in my book, Finding Life In Between, when it comes out later this year.

August Adventures: Finding Your Tribe



Finding Your Tribe: Canoe Partner!

On the morning of the trip, I met my canoe buddy at the designated breakfast place. I promptly thanked him for “taking one for the team” by being my partner. He assured me that everything would work out just fine. I couldn’t help but feel immense gratitude that a complete stranger agreed to basically take care of me if I couldn’t carry my own weight for the weekend. After breakfast, when we got to the place where we put in, he carried my cooler and the heavier items down the slope to the canoe. My new friend did it without question or accusation.

He helped take care of me and was immediately part of my tribe.

Finding Your Tribe: Unicorn Tail

Paddling down the river is a beautiful, peaceful, amazing experience. Paddling down the river with two dozen friends who are equipped with water guns and booze is a beautiful, amazing, super-soaking experience, and it’s ridiculously fun. We laughed during the water wars as the sun beat down on us in the perfect August Wisconsin weather. After several hours of paddling and a few food and drink breaks along the way, we set up tents to camp on a sandbar in time to watch the sun paint the sky in purples and blues as it set behind the trees. I brought along my unicorn onesie (no feet); I thought it would be magical for camping—and it was. It was just comfortable and ridiculous enough to be absolutely perfect for the night. (Yes, I’m a forty-something woman and I have a unicorn onesie. Don’t judge.)

The campfire was blazing. The beers (and White Claws) were flowing. The stories were rolling and we were laughing and happy, relaxing under the starlit sky. The river was peaceful and the moon was gorgeous. It was a perfect night, sitting amongst the good energy and friendly love of our tribe.

Finding Your Tribe: Campfire Magic



The Storm…

All of a sudden the temperature dropped. It happened so quickly it felt like walking into a refrigerated room at the grocery store, except in this case, the refrigerated room had somehow walked into us. Then, out of nowhere, the wind picked up. As if we were one body with one head, twenty-four humans collectively turned to look toward the wind, and we all saw a storm literally rolling toward us on the river. Within a millisecond, the stories and laughter stopped. Silence.

“This is not good,” a voice said.

When the organizer of this trip, who has sixteen years of canoe and camping experience on this very river, says “This is not good,” you know it is not good. In the moments after he said those words, everything seemed to turn upside down. The fire began to blaze horizontally with the wind, and the rain blew sideways off the river as well as down from the sky.

All of us ran to our tents for shelter. I dove into mine, zipped up, and hunkered down to wait for the storm to pass. I sat alone in my tent, covered under the sleeping bag, safe and protected. My tent was over twenty years old. It’s the same one that took me alone into the woods a few years ago. It’s seen a ton of weather, and it has never, ever failed me. I had reception on my phone and plenty of battery, so I kept myself occupied by texting friends. I stopped mid-text when a gust of wind tore the rain fly off my tent and wrapped it around the side pole. The rain immediately assaulted my tent from all angles.

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

I waited for a few minutes hoping and praying that the storm would blow over. For a moment I believed that I could will it to stop. It didn’t stop. As the rain kept coming down and the thunder clamored around me, it dawned on me that I actually might not be safe. The water was rising on the floor of my tent. I was absolutely soaked. I’m accustomed to doing things on my own, but this storm was wicked, and I was afraid. The friend I was texting messaged me:

Are you crazy? You’re alone? Get into someone else’s tent!

That message pushed my fear over the edge. I ran out to the nearest tent with a light on, and I knocked on the flap. I didn’t know whose tent it was, but a familiar voice answered, “Candy, get in here!” Within a split second the flap was unzipped and I was in the tent with one of my girlfriends and her boyfriend, sharing their queen air mattress and a blanket.

My tribe, taking care of me, again.



Finding Your Tribe: Damages
(That log was part of the fire the previous night)

None of us got much sleep, and, thankfully, the storm eventually passed. At one point my friend asked me what time it was. I answered that it was 4:41 a.m. We decided to leave the relative safety of the tent and assess the damage.

It was still pretty dark, but the river had come up significantly. As we walked around, we noticed that it had risen up far enough to fully engulf the bonfire we had sat around just hours earlier, and had it raised up any farther, it could have taken over our village of tents. What we also realized was that we only had five of our twelve canoes. We only panicked for a moment and were relieved to find that more canoes were pulled up on the other side of the sandbar. There were four on the sandbar, for a total of nine canoes. Three were missing. That meant that six of us were literally up the creek with no paddles. And no canoes.

Finding Your Tribe: Sunrise on the River

Overwhelmed and slightly defeated, we patiently waited for the sun to rise. I sat in my not-so-magical unicorn onesie in my soaked camping chair digging my toes in and out of the cold, damp sand. I was shivering, cold, exhausted, in pain. All my muscles were tense. I had failed to do the one thing my physical therapist had told me to do, get a good night’s sleep. As far as sitting, no position was comfortable. My trusty tent was now uninhabitable. I had nowhere to lie down.

Completely frustrated, I wanted to do something productive, so I took an inventory of my camping gear. Although my tent was still standing, the rainfly was wrapped around the left side pole. The rain had soaked both my pillow and sleeping bag. When I lifted up my backpack a full tap stream of water drained from the bottom.

My back was aching. And my canoe was one of the ones that the river had taken during the storm. I wanted to rest. It was five in the morning. I went back to my chair and turned it to the east to watch the sunrise, and also to hide my face from everyone in case the tears came. This was the dumbest idea I ever had. Who goes on a canoe trip four months after back surgery? I sat in the chair, cold, wet, and frustrated, and I cried.

Just then, one of the women with our crew came over to see if I was okay. She offered me some ibuprofen and brought me a bottle of water, which I very thankfully accepted. I think she sensed I needed to be alone so she didn’t ask questions, but her quiet thoughtfulness and understanding made me feel a little bit warmer in the misty cool of the early morning.

Finding Your Tribe: Painted Sky

The sun started to come up over the horizon. I watched it set the sky on fire. I I focused on being thankful for so many wonderful things in my life. As the sun climbed higher the air grew warmer, and I decided to change out of my unicorn suit and put on my swimming suit. Out of all the soaked clothing items I had with me in my backpack, it was the one thing meant to be worn wet.

It was still early and pretty chilly. When I got back to the group, one of the guys asked if I wanted his Army blanket to keep warm. I was so grateful that he offered. I wrapped up tight in the blanket. As my body temperature rose, my muscles relaxed and my shivering stopped.

As everyone began to ease into the morning, two girls I used to skate with offered me a dry tank top and pullover to keep warm. Again, I accepted. I was so very thankful that they offered.

A few minutes later, the woman whose tent I slept in had coffee percolating and cheesy hash browns and scrambled eggs cooking over a small fire. The smell of the food and coffee in the fresh morning air was delicious. Savoring hot breakfast in the great outdoors is one of the most satisfying experiences in the world. I retrieved the fresh strawberries and muffins I had packed in my cooler, some of the only things I had brought that were not completely soaked. Someone provided a bottle of mudslide to use as a creamer for the coffee. We all shared cups and plates and forks.

While we gathered and ate an incredible breakfast, we talked and laughed about the stormy events of the last seven hours. I learned that two of our tribe members had come to check on me during the storm, but I was already safe in another tent. The sun rose higher and the air grew warmer. We laughed about three of us sleeping on a queen-sized air mattress. We finished the food and cleaned up camp. The ibuprofen and caffeine kicked in. I was thankful to be with people who were willing to take care of me, who took care of each other. I imagined red ribbons running between all of us.

These are my people. This is my tribe.



Finding Your Tribe: Awesome Friends for the Win!

It came time to figure out how we were going to get the six of us without canoes and all of our gear downriver to the take out point. After some debate, two couples decided to portage over to land and call for a pickup. My canoe buddy and I decided we would like to stay for the duration of the trip if we could work it out. Once that decision was made, our supplies were promptly divided between canoes, and seats were MacGyvered for us to ride on for the balance of the trip.

At that point, some of my friends and I had a brilliant and unorthodox idea: we would blow up my air mattress so the two of them could tow it behind their canoe, and I could lie on it to stretch out my back and relax while being pulled down the river. Floating downriver on an air mattress? Yes, please! That was almost as ridiculous and magical as my unicorn onesie. Of course we had to try it.

We situated ourselves and everyone laughed. We tethered the mattress to the canoe with a bungee cord and assumed our positions. And guess what? It worked, and it was awesome. I felt no pain laying sprawled out on that air mattress on the water under the sun. I napped a little while they paddled. My physical therapist would have been happy. They handed me cold drinks and sunscreen when I needed it. It was absolutely perfect.

After about two hours of paddling, we found a canoe downriver stuck on a log on a sandbar — ours! My shoes and hoodie were still inside, as well as both paddles. It was a Christmas (in August!) miracle! Our tribe gathered around the runaway canoe, we got ourselves sorted and prepared to paddle. My canoe buddy offered to pull me on my air mattress if I’d prefer, and I probably should have taken him up on that, but instead we deflated the air mattress and paddled together.

Those final hours on the river in the sun were perfect. We found the other canoes and towed them back with us, stopping for lunch when the sun was at its highest point so we could talk and laugh about the storm. As we paddled, we replayed the discovery of the missing canoes and discussed how lucky we were that the river didn’t get so high as to flood our whole camp. We marveled at the fact that two of our guys had paddled downstream for an hour hoping to find the runaway canoes, only to come all the way back upstream. Empty-handed.

Finding Your Tribe Shevil Knevils Never Say Die!

We laughed at the idea that they put in three hours of paddling even before half of camp was awake! We relaxed in the water under the August Wisconsin sun, and even though some of us had just met the day before, our bonds of friendship grew closer, our red ribbons binding us together.

The woman who brought me the ibuprofen described the canoe trip perfectly. “It is our confession, catharsis, and redemption.”

She was exactly right.

<>

Thanks for reading. Please leave a comment below and feel free to share this post with your friends.

Before you go, make sure to connect on social media and sign up for Candy’s email newsletter.

Candy Leigh is a Women’s Empowerment Coach and Author. Schedule a complimentary discovery call if you’d like to partner with Candy for 1×1 coaching, book club discussions, or consulting/speaking engagements.

The post Finding Your Tribe appeared first on Candy Leigh.

Pork Fried Rice and Instagram Live

The Outdoor Kitchen

Recently my friend Jody invited me to his home to do an Instagram live with him while he cooked some pork fried rice. Jody is an incredible chef, and on Sunday nights he cooks and does his live show. Over the years of our friendship, Jody and I have had some pretty incredible conversations about parenting, work, politics, mental health, and book writing, and he suggested that we have a conversation covering some of those topics on his show while he cooked pork fried rice. I agreed. We set the date and made it happen.

Friends, I love pork fried rice, and this was the best I’ve ever tasted.

Let me start by saying that neither Jody nor I are getting paid in any way for this content. This is all honest-to-goodness authentic sharing right here!

Here’s the set up: Jody and I filmed each other while he prepped food and we chatted. My responsibility was to interact with folks online and bring up their comments/questions for our general discussion. We had some technical difficulties, but we worked it out. That’s part of both of our journeys—learning to breathe through life’s hiccups while not sweating the small stuff.

Conversation Recap:



How did we meet?

It was 25 years ago. 25 YEARS AGO! He was dating one of my best friends at the time. (Tara if you’re reading this I hope you’re doing well and I’d love to connect!) Jody played drums in The Jerry Sprynger Band, a local punk band that all of us cool kids checked out as often as possible

After the 90s Jody and I both went on to live our lives, and then through the magic of social media we reconnected after almost 2 decades. About 3 years ago Jody made a really impactful, authentic post about mental health on social media. I was so touched by his words that I reached out to him to thank him. I didn’t know it at the time, but my message to him was impactful as well. From that point forward, Jody and I have stayed in touch.

What’s Finding Life In Between about?

The book is about my very real life journey and moving from survival and into thriving. Here’s an early draft of the back cover synopsis:

Have you ever felt stuck between your life’s major milestones, hustling from home to job and events in between, without being able to enjoy the actual journey? Have you ever wanted to just get in your car, start driving, and let the Universe and the open road decide your adventure for you? This is exactly where Candy found herself, when, on her first day back to work after a major surgery, she was abruptly laid off from her employer of 20 years. This massive life disruption moved Candy to reevaluate her career journey and ultimately reshape her vision for her life.

With a need to simply get away from it all and refresh her perspective, Candy decided to combine her passions of travel and writing and connecting with people into a book – a journal of the stories that connect us all. Candy got in her car and started driving south from Wisconsin to nowhere in particular, planning to stop at points of interest, meet people, interview them, and write their stories along the way. But the Universe had other ideas. What happened instead was a long journey inward, resulting in this memoir of reflections and stories about the beautiful imperfections of life.

Finding Life In Between offers a glimpse into the very real events of modern day womanhood with gripping authenticity, grace and humor. Filled with vulnerability, courage, compassion and self-love, the stories within these pages offer a safe place for all women to perhaps find pieces of their own stories, lay claim to their own journeys, open their arms and come home to themselves.

What is the process and what are the ups and downs of writing a book?

Putting this book together was one of the most incredible personal and professional things I’ve ever done. I learned SO MUCH from both the process and the people involved. I am thankful for the gift of getting laid off so that I could take the time to write. Writing a book would likely still be a wish or a dream had I not been restructured out of a job.

On the first day of my book-writing road trip, August, 2019

My mission/purpose is to help and motivate women to stand in their truth and live authentic lives. I believe that sharing my book at this time is aligned directly to this calling, and the synchronicity of that feels incredible.

The challenges in this process have been plentiful and have taught me so much! First and foremost, in sharing real life truths, there is a constant question of balance between what is purposeful sharing and what might be considered too much. In the beginning of my book-writing journey, Jody encouraged me to share the raw stuff because that’s what people need to hear and understand if they, themselves, are to dig more deeply and more completely understand themselves. So that’s what I did.

There is a burden of sharing the pain of truth because I in no way want anyone to take responsibility for the weighty parts of my story. My intent is to help, not harm. I believe that there are many women who will find themselves in some of the experiences that I chose to include. My hope is that together, we can create a safe place for more women to stand in their truth and own and share their own stories.

Can you talk about surviving COVID-19?

It sucked. For me, the lingering effects of the virus include headaches, crackling ears, and some weird memory issues. I am thankful to be alive, that my family and I are all in relatively good health. I am hopeful that people are becoming more aware that science and compassion are important to humankind. I’m hopeful that our national leaders come up with an actual plan to eradicate the virus and get us back to some sort of “normal.”

Jody and I discussed how this pandemic is inspiring a revolution of sorts, a revolution of awareness and awakening. Millions of people are no longer tied to jobs that may or may not have been aligned to their purpose and calling. Folks are allowing themselves the space to explore other options that allow them to more intentionally use their gifts.

I have spoken with many individuals who have said things like, “I would NEVER have left my job. I was comfortable. The benefits were good. I hated my boss and I felt stifled, but I was making enough to cover my bills and save for my kids’ college. Now that things have changed, I’m looking at opportunities more aligned to who I am and what I love to do.”

Can you imagine a world in which people follow their true callings? What might people accomplish if they weren’t forced to hold onto jobs simply for the purpose of health insurance? Why in the world (actually in the US) is medical insurance based on your employment? And why do our teeth need separate insurance coverage?

This global crisis has drawn the curtain back from some of the functional shortcomings of our society, and it has called into question the systems on which “The American Dream” was founded. As we all become more aware of our own truths, our callings, and our opportunities, we will continue to more closely examine the systems that are in place. We will become more aware of societal rules and norms, and it will become more clear whom those systems were built help/harm. There will continue to be a collective awakening and rebirth of a society that, hopefully, will be more equitable and just for all people.

Last, but not least, the recipe:



Pork Fried Rice

Cooking is an art, and it’s rewarding to apply your own style and taste to the framework provided. Do not worry that there are no specific amounts for the ingredients listed.

Don’t hold an expectation for the process, but rather, have an idea of your end product. If you want a big garlicky pile of fried carrots and onions with a little bit of rice, adjust your amounts and taste test along the way to make it so. Learning to adjust and make calculated changes along the way in an invaluable skill set in cooking, and in life.

Pork fried rice and radish kimchi

“The rich flavor and the darker undertones of the rice are blended with the bright, sharp, piercing flavor of the kimchi for a unique contrast. Not to mention kimchi is a probiotic dynamo. Gut health is directly related to mental health.”

2 cups cooked rice, preferably jasmine or basmati for fragrance and texture, but any rice to your taste will do

Meat: your choice, cut into bite sized pieces (we used pork)

Carrots, peeled and finely diced

Onion, peeled and finely diced

2 eggs

Ginger, smashed and diced

Garlic, smashed and diced

Mung bean sprouts (about a handful)

Grapeseed oil (high heat tolerance)

2 Tbsp butter (to make it without dairy, you can use Earth’s Balance margarine)

2-3 Tbsp Dark soy sauce

2-3 drops fish sauce

Dash of rice vinegar

Optional: Hot sauce or paste that you like, to your taste

Directions

Heat a wok up with enough oil to coat the bottom. Turn the heat to medium/high.

Note: if you don’t have a wok, you can use a good seasoned frying pan. But get yourself a wok. Knowing how to use it well will likely send you on a culinary journey that may change your life.

When the oil is hot, crack your eggs into it and lightly stir them in. The goal is non-fluffy scrambled eggs. Remove them from the pan and set them aside.

After removing the eggs, crank the heat. Add a little more oil. If the oil sizzles, spits and spatters when you add the meat, it’s ready. The consistent heat (the sizzle) is key to this process, so add your ingredients slowly.

Add the meat to the pan. Once seared, add carrots, onions, garlic and ginger. Stir together, flip them in the pan if you have that skill, and keep the ingredients moving until they are all sweating and the onions are browning on the edges.

Add 2 Tbsp of butter, 2-3 Tbsp of soy sauce, a few drops (literally) of fish sauce, and a dash of rice vinegar. Throw in the bean sprouts. Toss to mix and coat. Keep in mind the bean sprouts will get soft if overcooked. They are perfectly neutral texture machines and will pick up the flavor that you have created.

Add cooked rice to the mix. Use as much or as little as you’d like, depending on your vision for the end result. Next add the cooked eggs. Make sure they are broken up well and toss entire mixture to combine.

Keep the heat high through all the steps. The heat is what will tie the flavors together and caramelize the natural sugars giving this dish its dark, alluring flavor.

Notes

Note: Fish sauce is truly an acquired and subjective taste item. That said, Jody stands by this quote, “Another dash of fish sauce never hurt anyone.”

Note: Jody used super sharp knives by Willey Choppers. Good knives make cooking more enjoyable!

Serve the fried rice hot with a side of kimchi. We used radish kimchi purchased from a market in Madison, Wisconsin, on Monona Drive and it was AMAZING!

Wrap up: Did you make the recipe? Leave a comment about your experience below! Share your pics on Instagram using #LifeFinders and tag me @candiceleigh33 and Jody @oshkosh_reskates.

Want us to test out another recipe? Comment with your ideas and we’ll see what Jody can cook up!

Thanks for reading. Please leave a comment below and feel free to share this post with your friends.

Before you go, make sure to connect on social media and sign up for Candy’s email newsletter.

Candy Leigh is a Women’s Empowerment Coach and Author. Schedule a complimentary discovery call if you’d like to partner with Candy for 1×1 coaching, book club discussions, or consulting/speaking engagements.

The post Pork Fried Rice and Instagram Live appeared first on Candy Leigh.

I Have COVID-19 and Things are not “FINE”

In line for COVID-19 testing

When I write, I try to be open to the flow and let the words come through me so I can be a conduit for messages that might land on the hearts of readers and hopefully motivate them to action. But lately, I’ve sucked at it. I’ve been struggling to write anything for the last few weeks. While I’ve been inspired by a few things, every time I start writing, I stop…consistently disappointed in my lack of creativity.

Editing my manuscript has been my focus, but even that has been challenging. I do a little work, and then put it away to think more deeply about the editor’s feedback. And I’ve been mentally preoccupied with the concept of toxic positivity, which I’m seeing pop up everywhere, including in my own life. I’m busy with the reality of life and kids and activities and going back to school and dealing with a world health pandemic, just like pretty much everyone has, but, now, I have another issue. I have COVID-19.

COVID-19

I tested positive for COVID-19 on July 16, but I didn’t get my results until July 20. On the one hand, for me, it’s not a big deal. It’s like a bad cold. But on the other hand, it’s awful. I had a fever for 3-4 days, which turned into massive congestion and nonstop crackling ears. Even though I now feel relatively normal, I have a constant headache that always almost goes away, and I’m exhausted.

For example, when I walk the dogs I have to repeatedly stop (on a route I used to jog with no problem) because I’m out of breath. I start cleaning the kitchen and I need to rest for a few minutes before finishing up. There is no real care (or cure!) for the virus except reporting symptoms to the health department and taking over-the-counter medicine. Most people’s symptoms eventually go away. Some people’s do not. It’s different for everyone and it’s scary.

Puppy snuggles make everything at least a little bit better

I keep telling myself that I know I can get through this. I’m healthy. I have no underlying concerns or conditions. I expect to make a full recovery. But more than that, I will be fine because that’s what I always do and how I always am…I’m fine.

But today, I’m not fine. I’m angry. And I am going to sit in my anger for a bit to let it motivate me to do what I need to do next, which is take action.

In the meantime, I’m finding it incredibly interesting that some people keep saying things to me like, “I didn’t know you had COVID-19? Who gave it to you?” “Oh, it will be fine! Things always work out.” “Stay strong!” “Stay positive!” “You got this!” “Oh hon, sorry to hear that you aren’t feeling well, but you know you’ll be fine!” “Girl, you’ve got a great attitude.” “I love your outlook. You can handle anything!”

This, my friends, is toxic positivity in its simplest, purest, most well-intended form. This is the denial and minimization of my human experience and my emotional reaction to my situation, which is having a genuine health issue during a world health pandemic. And now, in addition to being angry and sad about becoming a statistic in a crisis that could have been at least managed if not fully prevented, I am expected to be outwardly fine, and take on the burden of “your” anticipated optimism.

Great. Sure, Karen. I’m already f’ing exhausted but allow me to put on my mask of happiness and cloak of emotional invisibility while my body is busy fighting the aftermath of this virus, just so you feel more comfortable in my feigned optimism because that’s what you’re used to from me.

Ikigai – My Journey into Writing

I’ve had a few people ask me about how I decided to write a book . To even begin to share that process, I have to share the concept of Ikigai (pronounced: icky-guy). My dear friend and former corporate colleague, Candy Barone, was running the leadership conference where I first encountered Ikigai. Wikipedia defines it as “a Japanese concept that means “a reason for being”. The word refers to having a direction or purpose in life, that which makes one’s life worthwhile, and towards which an individual takes spontaneous and willing actions giving them satisfaction and a sense of meaning to life.” (See the image below left.)

The Concepts Behind Ikigai

During that leadership session, I reflected on what I’m good at, what I love, what the world needs and what I might be paid for. My notes revolved around words, writing, traveling, connecting with others, facilitating dialogues, advocacy for others. What I realized at the time was that my current corporate role had become none of those things. Even so, that job provided security and health insurance. I didn’t believe I had any option to pursue a different career. So I didn’t move. I stayed. I did the best I could. And the voice inside my soul kept telling me that there was something more.

As you might remember from my previous blog post, I was laid off from my corporate career in July of last year. Despite the overwhelming life changes I was experiencing at that time, I was ready to try something new, to lean into my Ikigai. I started talking with my close friends about my ideas of words and writing and consulting.

After a handful of conversations, I had an idea of going on a journey and writing a book. My intent was to conduct some very informal research and do some qualitative analysis on relationships. My goal was to write about how and why we are all connected, despite our differences. The more we talked, my friends helped me refine my concept. I reviewed the Ikigai boxes: I loved the idea of traveling and connecting with people (check!). I believe the world needs more understanding of the beauty of the human connection (check!). I’m good at writing (at least I think so…check!). I believe in the financial viability of this project (hopefully…check!).

August Adventures



Sunrise on the Wisconsin River – Photo Credit Amy Boyd

August of 2019 became a month of adventures. I spent two days canoeing and camping with “my tribe” on the beautiful Wisconsin river. (See related blog post.) I went on a vacation with my mom and dad and siblings and all of our families to enjoy the north woods of Wisconsin. And then, after researching some routes on roadtrippers.com I decided to actually go on this journey and write. It was all really happening.

On a Sunday in August, I packed up my little Prius and started driving. And while all the adventures were great, the writing part of it did not go according to plan…at all.

Where are my Free Spirits at?

I met people and talked to them. They told me about their lives. I saw some amazing sights and scenery on the long and winding drive toward the Carolinas, and I wound up at destinations I hadn’t planned. There was so much time driving and listening to music that I couldn’t help but reflect on my own life’s journey. It actually worked out perfectly.

Every night before I went to bed, I wrote. There were notes about the adventures and the planning leading up to the trip. There were paragraphs about my own life. I wrote reflections on the stories I heard and the conversations I had. When the blank pages stared back at me, I didn’t worry about what words came out. I just wrote.

Taken at the Biltmore Estate

All of this probably sounds poetic. The adventure and the connecting with people and the writing all lined up with my Ikigai. But what I had planned…what was comfortable…was the part where I wrote about everyone else. The plan was to journal the interviews and the people and their relationships. In doing so, I could remain cautiously invulnerable, an unbiased third party writing about informal research findings. But something, maybe the pull of the moon or simply the spirit of being free (or maybe a little bit of both!) moved me to write about my own journey and experiences. Sometimes I wrote the stories connected to the people I talked with on the journey; other times, I wrote the words and chapters that I was I simply moved to write.

I am proud of the resulting manuscript. It is about so much more than a road trip and the conversations I had along the way. Rather than the qualitative analysis of the commonalities of human connection…my August adventures became a long journey into my own soul. My book became a journal of the stories of life that occurred during my journey and during my reflection. It became a celebration of the divine feminine fire that lives within each of us.

It became a journey home…to myself.

I am incredibly nervous and excited and scared to share the stories within the chapters of my book. It truly is about how we are all Finding Life In Between. I hope that by unapologetically standing in my own truth and displaying my own vulnerability, that you, too, are inspired to share your stories. I believe that when we share our authentic, imperfect selves, we can open the door to the healing we may not even know we need…and we can all love each other, and ourselves, a little more.

Thanks for reading. Please leave a comment below and feel free to share this post with your friends.

Before you go, make sure to connect on social media and sign up for Candy’s email newsletter.

Candy Leigh is a Women’s Empowerment Coach and Author. Schedule a complimentary discovery call if you’d like to partner with Candy for 1×1 coaching, book club discussions, or consulting/speaking engagements.

The post Ikigai – My Journey into Writing appeared first on Candy Leigh.

From Fear to Freedom, and On Being Thrillified

If I Could Go Back…

I’ve often said there are things I would do differently. My friends and I have often wondered out loud about redoing seasons of our lives with the wisdom born of experience from the last several decades. If I could go back to 18-year-old me and give her advice. I would gently nudge her to hold on to her spirit, but perhaps avoid certain situations/people, and I would tell her to travel more, not less. I would coach her on setting boundaries. Finally, I would talk to her about finances and investments, including the return on investments, especially when investing in yourself. I would encourage her to always think about how she wanted to show up for herself and the world, and to plant the seed that it’s always possible to move from fear to freedom.

Getting Laid Off



Sometimes you end up on the menu

When I was laid off from my corporate career, I was mortified and thrilled. I guess I was thrillified. I was mortified knowing that this path and journey I had been on for the 20 years was somehow over. The predictability of my days and the stability of my paycheck had carried me through almost half of my entire life and suddenly that system and routine were just…gone. I was scared. I was fearful about health insurance. How was I going to replace a steady income? I was afraid of what people might think about me if I didn’t actually find a new job with the same title and responsibility. Somehow I was ashamed that I hadn’t achieved the “level” I originally wanted to achieve. I was upset that I had disappointed myself and my kids be losing my income.

And in the same instant, I was thrilled. I felt as if an imaginary but very real tether had been cut from my neck. I was free. FREE. I had permission to walk away from an institution that had evolved into something I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a part of any longer. All of a sudden, I wasn’t required to show up to sit at a desk at a certain time. I didn’t have to speak a certain way, or use words like “table steaks” or “soften the beach head” or any of the other en vogue corporate phraseology. I was moving from fear to freedom. At the same time I felt all the fear of uncertainty, I also felt all the freedom of possibility.

Divorce



Find Your Sunshine

Losing my job thrillified me in the same way my divorce did. My then husband and I were not happy. The entire divorce process was a nightmare, for both of us, I’m sure. I was mortified at all of it, as I’m sure he was. And, as I’m sure, others were, as well. This is how it is with divorce. It’s scary to face the unknown and to have to figure things out while also having to navigate conversations with others about the whole situation. It’s painful. Yet through every day of uncertainty, I began to see glimmers of possibility–the sunshine after the storm.

Eventually we made it to the end of the process. I wanted the stormy divorce proceedings to be over. I needed to feel the sunshine–to feel free of the chaos of the storm. We finished dividing the things and our time. I moved to my new apartment. I needed my mind to calm down so my soul could figure out how to heal. Eventually, after the exhaustion of the entire process, I took baby steps to move out of fear and into the freedom of reclaiming my life.

Divorce changed everything. Those changes forced me to figure out a new blueprint for my life. The family I had imagined as a child was different than the reality of my new family structure, and the unknowns of navigating divorced family life had never before been a part of my vision. Everything was different…somehow the same but completely different.

I tried to put into my mind what it might look like in the future. Someday we will be able to have dinner all together again. Maybe at some point I would invite my ex husband and his new family over for holidays, and it will be beautiful, because that would mean there are more people to love the kids. Perhaps in the future we would all be friends and celebrate not only the milestones, but also the journey for all the things the kids are becoming.

Some divorced families work like that. Ours is not quite that vision. We do our best. We keep moving forward.

Moving From Fear to Freedom



How are you moving from fear to freedom?

The timeline and milestones in my new life blueprint are guideposts. They evolve. The guideposts are incredibly different than what I imagined when I was just coming out of college. Sometimes I hit the milestones. Sometimes I have to change them or move them altogether. For example, I had planned to retire with the company that laid me off. After that transition, I returned as a contractor. After 4 months, they laid me off again! The Universe was clearly trying to tell me something. I took some time to sit in stillness, lift my palms up and ask: “What will you have me learn?”

What I’m learning on this journey, is that I now have the opportunity to create a new path.

Despite the fear and uncertainty, the gift of the moment is to remember the wide-eyed-wonderment of 18-year-old me. There is wisdom in recapturing her dreams, blessed with the seasoned wisdom of 43-year-old me. Today I look at job postings and assess both the role/comp, and the values of the company. I consider whether the culture might be a good fit. I explore whether I will be allowed to live authentically, with opinions and ideas and challenges to the status quo. Are the women in the organization valued and compensated fairly? I want to know if there are at least 50% women serving in leadership roles and board positions. I take time to assess and review the company for which I might work. Maybe I do it even more than they take the time to assess and review me.

This exchange of my precious time for money and insurance has become a new type of dance. It’s a dance where we both take turns leading. But now, I ultimately decide whether or not we will move to the music, in sync, together.

Forty-three-year-old me is savoring the moments that 25-year-old me did not experience.

While I’m “in between” jobs, I’m taking the time to watch my (now teenage) babies do what they do. I’m watching them shoot hoops, play video games, bounce on the trampoline, longboard, play with the dogs, give each other advice, bake and cook and make a mess of the kitchen, and learn how to clean up. We are going up north and enjoying hiking and lake time with their cousins and the rest of my family.

I’m treasuring up these moments and holding them tightly. When they were (actual) babies, I was consumed with working. I was distracted with paying bills and student loans and making sure we had health insurance. Now I want to be consumed with them. Our life is not what I once imagined, but it is our life. Now that I’m home, I’m an actual participant in it rather than a facilitator or financier. There’s a big difference.

At this point in the journey, there is no return to normal. What existed before will never exist again—nor was it, actually, normal. In this new freedom there is opportunity to carve a new path, one that is built on values and purpose. This new path is a perfect blend of hope for all that is to be. This new path is blessed with the wisdom of real life experience. I’m thrillified to step into the adventure of life with my eyes wide open.

You can read more about Candy’s real life adventures in her book, Finding Life In Between…A Journal For Me, to You.

Thanks for reading. Please leave a comment below and feel free to share this post with your friends.

Before you go, make sure to connect on social media and sign up for Candy’s email newsletter.

Candy Leigh is a Women’s Empowerment Coach and Author. Schedule a complimentary discovery call if you’d like to partner with Candy for 1×1 coaching, book club discussions, or consulting/speaking engagements.

The post From Fear to Freedom, and On Being Thrillified appeared first on Candy Leigh.

The Lasts

It hit me today. The Lasts hit me. The finality of it all.

I’ve been trying to stay positive but somehow factual about our situation. About this situation…my situation. I’m trying to stay positive about being a mom during COVID-19. About quarantining and social distancing and budgeting. About about “life is 20% what happens to you and 80% how you react to it.”

And right now, in this moment, I can’t.

When I woke up this morning I found a link in my inbox from a dear friend. My girlfriend had sent me an article with a picture of a high school senior sitting in an empty hallway. The girl in the picture wore her formal graduation dress, her face buried in her hands as she sobbed into her knees. Golden hair fell in long curls along side her shoulders, hiding her tears, but not her sadness. This girl, this young woman, had gone into the school to empty her locker.

The Lasts

The emotion of the photo alone was enough to take my breath away.

After my first blog post I heard from some high school seniors, mostly my daughter’s friends. They said they were sad about missing events and milestones like prom, about graduation, about baseball season, about track. While most were at some appropriate stage of mourning, the general spirit was one of optimism. We still have so much to look forward to.

I love this attitude. I find relief and joy in knowing that some of the best days of our lives haven’t even happened yet. But I am also fully aware that sometimes it is important to sink into the moment. Sometimes we need to just feel whatever it is we are feeling. Feelings are real and raw and meaningful. Feelings cleanse us and heal us and teach us.

Right now, my sadness consumes me. I didn’t realize or even consider that there would be a day that my daughter would have to return to school to clean out her locker. Instead of her friends being around to laugh and take pictures and celebrate that they “made it,” all joking about how much they loved/hated school, she will likely have to go in to the once loud hallways, maybe 10 at a time, mask over her face, at least 6 feet apart from the kids she used to walk arm-in-arm with, collect her belongings, and leave.

That’s not how it was supposed to be; the “last time” was supposed to look entirely different. She made it to this point–we made it to this point–to celebrate it together, not to feel loss.

I guess that’s just not how 2020 has worked out. And while each senior is handling this in her own way, moms are trying to handle it too.



The Lasts

As a mom, you typically celebrate the firsts for your kids: the first words, the first steps, the first tooth, the first birthday, the first day of kindergarten… But you never know when the “lasts” will happen.

While I was busy teaching the importance of responsibility and packing your own lunch for school, I didn’t know that at some point in the last few months, I had already made your final school lunch, decorated with glitter stickers and your name obnoxiously written on the front.

The Lasts

While I was busy teaching the importance of financial responsibility, I attended what turned out to be your last big sporting competition without your siblings, because I didn’t feel like we should take on the expense of bringing them along. I didn’t realize that would be the last time for them to see you perform and compete in the sport that you love.

In the midst of life’s busy-ness, I convinced myself that you should drive yourself to your practice and pick up your brother from his so that we could manage our shortage of time through carpooling. I didn’t realize it would be your last practice or his. And I didn’t get to take either of you out for ice cream or lemon ice to celebrate the end of the season.

The Lasts

As a mom, I’m thinking about the “lasts” today…and I’m sad. Honestly, there are some “lasts” that I can’t remember. When was the last time I rocked you to sleep after breathing you in and nestling my face against your birdy fluff baby hair? I can’t remember the last time I gave you a bath in that lavender sleepy time bath wash. When did I last wash your hair or put it in braids or pony tails? When was the last time we said bedtime prayers and sang bedtime songs together? Somehow these “lasts” happen and time keeps relentlessly marching on, and you realize you didn’t even know a “last” was happening.

What I wouldn’t give to go back and hold those little cherub hands and hear that little angel voice one more time.

That phrase, “The days are long but short the years,” hits home entirely different now.

So maybe later this week I’ll throw some PB&J Uncrustables in a brown paper bag with a juice box and an apple and some homemade snicker doodles, and I’ll write your name obnoxiously across the front and decorate the bag with stickers, and I’ll cherish every second of making that lunch and handing you that bag with the top folded over…one last time.

My 16-year-old son just came into the room and asked me why I’m crying.

I told him that sometimes when I write, I feel a lot of emotions. I explained that, in this moment, I’m incredibly sad. He asked me what I’m writing about. I told him I’m writing about being a mom. He asked me how it feels to be a mom. And right now, in this moment–I have no words to tell him so that he will fully understand. Being a mom is the hardest happiest saddest most wonderful incredible most difficult satisfying awful wonder-filled beautiful and brutal thing that’s ever happened in my world. And I’m thankful for every second.

As he hugged me I said the only words I could come up with: “It’s everything.”

The Lasts

Thanks for reading. Please leave a comment below and feel free to share this post with your friends.

Before you go, make sure to connect on social media and sign up for Candy’s email newsletter.

Candy Leigh is a Women’s Empowerment Coach and Author. Schedule a complimentary discovery call if you’d like to partner with Candy for 1×1 coaching, book club discussions, or consulting/speaking engagements.

The post The Lasts appeared first on Candy Leigh.

For the Love of Dogs

For the Love of Dogs is brought to you by Coco, Charlie and Rex





Coco and Me

FOR THE LOVE OF DOGS

A few years ago my bff “Coco” (a rescue from the local humane society) got very sick and I had to make the hardest decision of my life–to help her go to sleep peacefully and without pain. It was devastating. She was, literally, my ride or die. Coco nudged me out of bed when I felt I couldn’t go on. She saw me through my divorce. Coco was my light in the middle of the worst darkness. She showed me what true love really was. One of my dearest and longest-term friends called Coco my soul mate. He was right.





Baby Charlie



Two days after Coco crossed the rainbow bridge, I was a complete mess. I couldn’t work, couldn’t eat, couldn’t stop crying. That’s when I met a beautiful couple in my neighborhood who had just had a litter of long-haired miniature dachshunds. After an hour of getting to know each other, and after me full on ugly crying about Coco while cuddling one of their little brown bundles of fur and happiness, they decided to “bless me” with her–they literally gave me a new puppy. I’ll never forget when they said: “We know she can’t replace your Coco, but we hope she can help bring joy back into your heart.”





Charlie Girl Today!

And she did! It took us some time, but we eventually bonded. Charlie Girl is stubborn and sassy and smart. She’s the perfect balance of sweet and cuddly with spice and sass. She loves to play fetch. Charlie snuggles with me in bed at night and keeps me warm when I’m cold. When we lay down at night she lays across my face to give me “hugs” while her tail thumps furiously on the pillow. Charlie loves to go on car rides and she hangs out on my shoulder or across my feet. She isn’t Coco and doesn’t replace her, but she sure does bring joy to my heart.



So here we are today, just under three years from Charlie Girl’s birth date. The breeders just called me, and they have one boy puppy, “Teddy,” from a new litter available to take home, today. TODAY! They said I can pay for him later; they just want him to go home to his forever home where he will be loved, and they know we will give him a loving home.



It’s 10:30 AM. My kids are still sleeping. I’m torn between the expense of a dog, the challenge of training a new puppy, and the long-term commitment v. that new puppy smell, the fact that the kids are home and available to train and take care of him, and Charlie Girl would have a new bff besides just me (and I am 100% her person!).



So amidst all the crazy of 2020–the uncertainty, the fear, the mourning over social losses and events we never expected–I’m literally thinking about leaving for “lunch” and coming home with a puppy. And Theodore Rexford (T-Rex for short!) would fit in a takeout bag and literally be the most amazing surprise…





Hi World it’s Me, T-Rex!

And, truthfully, the one thing we will always have more room for in this household is unconditional loyalty and love.



Stay tuned!



4:51 PM update: Meet Theodore Rexford. T-Rex. Rex. Rexy. We already love him.

Thanks for reading. Please leave a comment below and feel free to share this post with your friends.

Before you go, make sure to connect on social media and sign up for Candy’s email newsletter.

Candy Leigh is a Women’s Empowerment Coach and Author. Schedule a complimentary discovery call if you’d like to partner with Candy for 1×1 coaching, book club discussions, or consulting/speaking engagements.

If you enjoyed “For the Love of Dogs,” you can read more about Candy and her dogs in her book Finding Life In Between.

The post For the Love of Dogs appeared first on Candy Leigh.

Dear 2020

Dear 2020: F YOU.

Yep, I said it. You know you’re all thinking it. I thought 2019 was rough and then 2020 came in like, “Hold my beer…I’ve got something in store for you.” Awesome.

So far in my world this year… My kid messed up his knee snowboarding and had to have surgery, my other kid is in her senior year and mourning the disruption to what had been a pretty awesome last semester in high school, and the third kid is spending his 7th grade year realizing that school seems to be a waste of time since he now gets his homework done in about 2.5 hours every day at home. We also had to cancel our spring break family vacation, which really sucks.

My role at work (the one that provides health insurance) was terminated and that’s pretty disruptive (no more health insurance during a world health pandemic), and I’m spending every day mortified that the federal government seems to have absolutely no plan for handling the world health pandemic. So we’re spending a lot of time at home. Alone. But hey at least the dog is super happy.

So here we are. It’s time for us to figure out, regardless of our circumstances, who we want to be.

So here’s my idea, short and sweet: Dear Class of 2020, let’s celebrate you. Let’s come together to figure out how we can weave the ribbons that bind us all together across time and space. Let’s celebrate what you’re experiencing and who you really are.

Leave a comment below about your experiences. Share what you’re missing most, and what you’re learning to appreciate during quarantine. Share what you’re looking forward to once this pandemic passes. Together we can create a community of people who can share their stories. We can figure out how to get through these hard times together.

I’m starting with you, seniors, because you all should be pretty used to working online at this point. So please share your thoughts. Once this Gen X’er figures out how this all works, maybe we can start more cross-generational conversations.

We’re all in this together. Like it or not. So let’s figure it out.

Cheers 2020. We see you. And we won’t let you stop us.

Thanks for reading. Please leave a comment below and feel free to share this post with your friends.

Before you go, make sure to connect on social media and sign up for Candy’s email newsletter.

Candy Leigh is a Women’s Empowerment Coach and Author. Schedule a complimentary discovery call if you’d like to partner with Candy for 1×1 coaching, book club discussions, or consulting/speaking engagements.

Candy’s first book, Finding Llife In Between, is due out fall of 2020.

The post Dear 2020 appeared first on Candy Leigh.