Lasara Firefox Allen, MSW's Blog, page 17
July 7, 2013
Dilemmas of a Householder: Love is Presence
There was a time in my life where I so strongly desired to be in perfect Presence all the time that my desire for Presence became the greatest pain I had ever felt.
I sought ego death; annihilation of self into Self, the surrender of “I” into that which is greater than all Its parts combined.
The desire to merge with the supreme and eternal – whether you call It God, Brahman, Allah, nirvana, liberation, or any of the other words we might use to describe the ineffable – became unbearable. I was being driven mad by it. Separation from Itness (God, Krishna, Nirvana, Allah…) was agony. I desired always to surrender myself to this deeper home.
Hari, hear my plea.
Dark One, I am
your servant,
a vision of you has driven me mad.
Separation eats at my limbs.
Because of you
I’ll become a yogini and ramble
from city to city scouring the hidden quarters -
pasted with ash, clad in a deerskin
my body wasting
to cinder.
I’ll circle from forest to forest
wretched and howling -
O Unborn, Indestructible,
come to your beggar!
Finish her pain and touch her
with pleasure!
This coming and going will end,
says Mira,
with me clasping your
feet forever.
-Mirabai
I found myself struggling with the life choices I had made. “If only I were a sadhu,” I thought, “then I could give myself over, cease the thinking, the planning. I could give myself fully to Presence. I could constantly allow for the sweet surrender that is the greatest Union.”
But that choice, the path of the sadhu, the path of austerity, was not the choice I had made in building my life. I had two children to attend to. A husband. A career. I had deadlines to keep, money to make, children to care for, to love and support. The path of the householder.
For months the ache of longing and the confusion caused by my desire for Presence was like a sword stuck through my heart. The pain of separation was searing; almost unbearable.
But I had already made my choices about how I was going to spend my life; once a mother, always a mother. I could have left my career, I could have left my home, I could have left my husband. (As a matter of fact, the leaving of my now-ex-husband was already in the works.)
But I could never leave my children. The suffering caused would be too great.
And my love for them, I am almost guilty to admit, felt like a loadstone around my neck, heavy as an anchor, yet pointing in the only direction I could go; nowhere.
Finally I began asking, “What is Presence? How can I be committed to relationship with others, and Present in The Eternal at the same time? How do I stay Present in love?”
The question rolled around my mouth in wordless curls. It ricocheted through my mind. It bounced and bounded, banged against the edges of my self.
After weeks of weighty rumination, after hours of sitting on my zafu, after what felt like gallons of tears, and after surrendering fully to the burning pain of separation, I broke through the koan that had formed itself inside of me. In a moment of realization, the answer arrived, fully formed and lotus-like.
The question became the answer; “how can I be present in love” became, “love is Presence.” Love is not attachment. Attachment is not love.
Attachments are the causes of dukkha – often translated as suffering, though in my opinion this is a limiting interpretation of the term.
According to Tantra Yoga, these attachments are called kankucas, or “becloudings”. According to Georg Feuerstein, the kankucas can be translated as partiality, knowledge, attachment, time, necessity. Partiality, because we cease to allow for fullness of being. Knowledge, because we cease to allow for growth. Attachment, because it clouds possibility of outcome. Time, because it limits consciousness of the eternal. Necessity, because it limits us.
In Buddhist terminology, the attachments are called skandhas. The skandhas are form, sensation, perception, impulses, and consciousness.
Of these attachments, form is the strongest (and the easiest to encapsulate), because
1., form leads to the illusion of separation from the formless, and
2., because form is transitory, and attachment to form as self leads to dukkha.
The skandhas are the aggregates that form a sense of self, and are the causes of clinging.
All of the skandhas, or parts of the sense of self-as-form are the causes dukkha.
My attachment to what I considered the “perfect” form of Presence, was, at that time, causing my own suffering.
These are obstacles to liberation; the illusion of separation, and the expectations, desires, and responsibilities that we so often mistake as love and commitment.
As a householder, the desire for subsumption into the nondual must merge with the path of devotion, which is often a dualist form of worship. Moment to moment, we dance between mergence and devotion.
Loving in Presence is showing up to my relationship with my children, my husband, and my responsibilities in life in the fullness with which I show up to my relationship with the Divine.
How do we stay present in love? How do we stay Present in abiding relationships with mortal beings? By releasing the illusion of separation, moment to moment.
And when we find ourselves in separation, we stay Present by devoting ourselves to those we serve as if they were God Itself.
Because, after all, they are.
July 4, 2013
Making an Ally of Fear: An Embracing the Red Queen workshop – Willits, CA
August 20, 6 PM, Willits, CA. Register for address.
“Where there’s fear, there is power.”
–Starhawk, Reclaiming Traditions founder, author of The Spiral Dance
Beneath your fears lay a charged current of potential. The words of many teachers point the way to liberation and empowerment through facing fear.
How do you make fear an ally? Name it. Address the hidden request that lies beneath. Learn from it.
Freed from the chains of your fight, freeze, or flee response, you will claim the new territory you uncover.
In this workshop you will have the opportunity to dialogue with others, and learn tools for transforming fear to an opportunity for self-knowledge. You will also explore the idea of trusting your fear, and work on integrating the awareness of body-mind communication.
Delve into your fears and retrieve your Whole Self. Face down your demons, and return home whole.
This event sponsored by the Embracing the Red Queen: Women, Competition, Cooperation, and Co-Creation Autumnal Retreat
Two Seats, $10 off!
One Seat $30.00 USD
Two Seats – $10 off $50.00 USD
Bio:
Lasara Firefox Allen is an internationally published, best-selling author. She has offered workshops on topics from Mysticism, to relationships and intimacy, to sexuality, and has an active coaching practice. She regularly offers workshops at festivals and other events on the west coast, and workshops and retreats in the northern California region.
Married to the love of her life, Robert Allen, and mother to two amazing daughters, Lasara and her family live in the wilds of northern California, and surround themselves with a community of loving, like-minded souls. See more at www.lasarafirefoxallen.com. SEE WWW.EMBRACINGTHEREDQUEEN.COM for info on women’s retreat.
July New Moon WOMANifstation Magick – WILLITS – July 8
July 8, 6PM, Brooktrails, Willits
Come together with a circle of your sisters this new moon, and dance with the phases of the moon to create and enhance generative potential in your life. We’ll play with some WOMANifestation techniques, and set magickal manifestation intentions for the coming month in a sacred, activated, magickal container.
For a small additional fee, you will receive a money magick kit, along with instructions for your own continued practice, in addition to workshop fun and games.
$15.
Add $5 for your own Money Magick kit.
Options
Gathering $15.00 USD
Gathering, plus Money Magick kit $20.00 USD
August New Moon WOMANifstation Magick – WILLITS – Aug. 6
August 6, 6 PM, Brooktrails, Willits. Address and directions upon registration.
Come together with a circle of your sisters this new moon, and play with some WOMANifestation techniques. 
We will set magickal manifestation intentions for the coming month in a sacred, activated, magickal container.
Gathering at 6. Circle begins at 6:30. Please be prompt for circle. Brief hang out and socialize sesh after circle.
Finger food welcome, as well as drinks for after circle if desired.
$15.
Add $5 for your own Money Magick kit. Paypal payment to info@lasarafirefoxallen.com so I can have your Money Magick kit ready, and get directions to you if you have not yet been to my home.
.
Options
Gathering $15.00 USD
Gathering, plus Money Magick kit $20.00 USD
April 17, 2013
Pacific Northwest Workshop Tour! Portland and Seattle, June 19 – 21, 2013
Robert and I are on our way north in June! I’ll be offering two workshops in Portland – one with my long-time friend Tom Fuller, and one by myself – and Robert and I will be offering a workshop together in Seattle. We can wait to see you, at one, two, or ALL of them!
PORTLAND:
Making
Continue reading Pacific Northwest Workshop Tour! Portland and Seattle, June 19 – 21, 2013
April 12, 2013
Love Your Yoni Eggs!
I’ve started selling Yoni Eggs! Your Yoni Egg is part of your journey toward sexual wholeness.
On a physical level, your egg will help you to strengthen your pubococcygeus (PC) (aka Kegel) muscles, and to get very in touch with your vagina and vulva. Some basics that you can expect from working with your egg:
Increased sexual
Continue reading Love Your Yoni Eggs!
March 15, 2013
Local, Face-to-Face Sexy Witch Series, 2014 – REGISTRATION OPEN NOW!
Sexy Witch Workshop Series
A Life-Altering Opportunity for Local Women!
“For any woman who wants to understand, enhance, reclaim or heal her sexuality, this book is a must.”
-Anodea Judith, Ph.D., author of Wheels of Life and Eastern Body, Western Mind.
The book Sexy Witch is part self-help guidebook, part self-esteem workbook, and part mystery initiation into
Continue reading Local, Face-to-Face Sexy Witch Series, 2014 – REGISTRATION OPEN NOW!
March 8, 2013
Embracing the Red Queen: Women, Competition, Cooperation, and Co-Creation
Women, Competition, Cooperation, and Co-Creation
Autumnal Equinox, September 20 – 22
2013
Join your sisters for this powerful autumn equinox weekend retreat, and bring your whole self to the circle. Bring yourself in all your sexy, sweet, angry, tired, envious, joyful, powerful glory. Bring your whole range of experience and voice.
Continue reading Embracing the Red Queen: Women, Competition, Cooperation, and Co-Creation
March 6, 2013
Sacramento Area Workshops: Writing From Your Body – April 10, Sexual Self-Definition – April 11
Wednesday April 10, 2013, 7 – 9 PM
Sacramento Area (Folsom) – address upon registration.
Your body has stories to tell. Ancient stories, new stories, stories of heartbreak, stories of breaking through, stories of joy, deep stories, wild stories, even silly stories. Your markings, intentional or unintentional, carry stories,
Continue reading Sacramento Area Workshops: Writing From Your Body – April 10, Sexual Self-Definition – April 11
February 11, 2013
A Mystic’s Lent: A Guide to Holy Observation
Reprinted from Elephant Journal; first publication 3/8/11
Reprinted from LasaraAllen.com; second publication 3/11
Updated and printed here, 2/5/2012
Update, 2/11/2013
I am not, nor have I ever been, your typical Christian. Most wouldn’t even call me Christian, though I would say my spiritual reality is very catholic (small “c” intentional) and I do have my own special relationship with
Continue reading A Mystic’s Lent: A Guide to Holy Observation
