Steven Barnes's Blog, page 79

"We Accept the love we think we deserve"

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”   That line from “The Perks of being a wallflower” haunted me, and became the core of yesterday’s Diamond Hour show.  The reason I’m working hard to put the “core” aspects of my programs on the “pay what you want” program is that I see so much pain in the world around that issue.

That means that abuse, neglect, negative self-images and more damage the connection we have with our own hearts.  The   “heartbeat meditation” technique is incredibly powerful for this, especially combined with the “Ancient Child” method.  Add journaling and the Five Minute Miracle and you have something incredibly generative.    Let me list a few of the varieties of heart-damage I’ve encountered.   In every case, the relationship history was disrupted—no marriages, bad marriages, or inability to bond to another human being.

1) A biracial woman raised in the South, whose mother had been raped by a white employer.  She spent her whole life knowing it would have been better had she “passed.”

2) A man neglected by  his parents, who had a string of gold-digger marriages, who now faces a massive health crisis due to eating patterns.

3) A woman raised within an abusive family, sexually abused by her sister’s husband among others.   Luckily, this woman has found her way to embracing a goddess and heart-centered belief system, and is finally spewing up the venom these monsters pumped into her.

4) A boy abused by the husband of a famous author whose fans denied it was going on until there was no more room for denial.  The last I heard, he sleeps in the street and trades his body for drugs.

5) A girl abandoned by her father who has chosen mentally ill male partners, and struggles to leave their orbit and influence.

6) A man whose mother encouraged him to sleep in her bed into his teens, who became a sex addict.

7) Endless men and women who married people who abused and manipulated them, had children with them, and used those children to control and drain their resources.

I could just go on and on, endlessly.  In childhood, we desperately need the approval  and protection of adults.  Our neurologies are wide open, and we are genetically and socially programmed to drop our ego walls to let them in…or construct our identities  to gain their approval.

In adolescence, we begin to wonder how to gain the notice of the people we are attracted to, and start shaping ourselves to the approval of our peers.  In young adulthood, we seek a steady supply of sex and love.  The psychological moulding that occurs during high-energy human encounters…especially when you combine the emotions of sex, love, and hope, CANNOT be overestimated.

In a sense, we are all children looking for love.  And when that love is twisted against us, ESPECIALLY when the first “twists” (even if it involves love or parenting, not sex) occur before puberty, it can and, I dare say will,  shape us for the rest of our lives.

But we can heal. The healing starts by finding SOMETHING that we love in our lives, and realizing that we only feel the love we have within us.  That if we feel loved by someone else, we are just allowing that person to release loving emotions we already had…within us.  Love is our natural state.

But love and fear compete for the same space in our hearts.  

Find someone or something that you love, and grasp that you can only feel it because it comes from within you.  Find a time you felt love, and connect with that feeling…and it is ALWAYS there.   Babies who are not held and loved, at least at SOME point in their infancy, wither and die.   If you are alive, at some point someone loved you.    Go deeply enough into your memories or imagination, and you can find an image or remembrance of love: for you, from you.  Whatever.   FIND IT.

Then…bring it into your heart.   Almost everyone has a son or daughter, brother or sister, niece or nephew that you love, and who love you.    DIVE INTO THAT LOVE.  Let it wash over you.   Cry for its power.  

And commit to love yourself as much as you love that child.  You deserve it, with every fiber of your being.  All you have ever done in life, even the bad things, was an attempt to feel that love and connection in one way or another.  To return to the peace you know you felt, if only in the womb.
You are now a grown-ass man or woman. YOU are now the “parent” of the “child” self within you.   You must commit to protecting your heart with the fierceness of a mommy lion.    Turn your anger and self-loathing against the people who harmed you: true, eventually you will want to forgive even them.  The chain of damage and spoilage goes back forever, and they were doing the best they could, just as you have done the best you can.  Forgive yourself deeply enough, and you begin to understand how you have been and done and created your life.

The reason you hold onto the fear and anger is that you are afraid that without it, you will be hurt again.  LEARN THE LESSON, AND YOU CAN RELEASE THE FEAR.    Vow to protect your heart to the death, hold your heart, your emotions, your “child image”  tenderly and fiercely, and it will blossom for you in ways you may not have experienced since…forever.

You have a 100% responsibility to protect yourself, love yourself, nurture yourself.    You have a 100% right to feel love and passion and creative flow, to feel safe in the world.  ANYTHING that stands between you and that state is artificial, and was added to the mix somewhere along the path of your life.

Learn the lesson, and you can release the negative emotions.    If you don’t, you will pass that pain on to others.  You can’t help it.   

You can end the chain of emotional violence, by accepting love.   Love does not mean pain.  Sex is not love.    Love does not even mean trust.  You can love someone, and know that they are mentally or physically diseased, and will hurt you. 

Love does not oblige you to destroy yourself, or accept abuse, or neglect.  But if you don’t love yourself, you will seek it from outside, and the BEST you will be able to do is a co-dependent relationship, two one-legged people bonded together and limping through life.  Sometimes they can help heal each other, and that is a blessing.

Too often, the gentle, wounded souls attract predators, like wounded gazelle attracting lions.  It is these souls who have my full support and concern.

However damaged or needy that “child” part of you may be, all of the love and happiness and health it seeks is already within you.  The world conspired to convince you otherwise.   You don’t need anything you don’t have.  We can WANT relationships, someone to share our life path, love and passion with…but if you NEED them, there is work to do.

Your heart needs love…but you are the only one who can actually supply it.  Connect to that source, and you are healed…and free.

Namaste,
Steve

Diamond Hour Today! "We accept the love we think we deserve"

Our subject: "We accept the love we think we deserve"

Diamond Hour September show. - Saturday, September 14, 2013 1:00 PM Pacific Daylight Savings time (4:00 PM Eastern)

http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/77111

Connect via phone or VoIP (Skype, etc.)

(724) 444-7444

"We Accept the love we think we deserve"

That fantastic line from "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" is the subject of tomorrow's Diamond Hour show.  Join us!


Diamond Hour September show. -
Saturday, September 14, 2013
1:00 PM Pacific Daylight Savings
time (4:00 PM Eastern)
http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/77111
Connect via phone or VoIP (Skype, etc.)
(724) 444-7444

Subject: LOVE.  Finding it, keeping
It, nurturing it.  Starting with yourself.

Last Day for The Erotic Intelligence sale!

Today is the final day for the reduced price on the EROTIC INTELLIGENCE package.    The more passion you have in your life, the easier it is to motivate yourself, manifest creativity, and create your dreams.   Conversely, the more power you have, the easier it is to create a safe space to explore and express your passions.  Whether you are trying to create a new body, a new career, a new relationship…or simply take your current body, career, or relationship to a new and more dynamic level, pulled by hunger rather than driven by discipline…the Art of Erotic Intelligence is what you’ve been looking for.   At Midnight PST the sale is over, so don’t miss out!   Www.realeroticintelligence.com

A lever and a place to stand

Had a coaching call yesterday with someone who wants to build a ten million dollar a year business in four years.    I was a little wary about this until I found that up until now his best year had been 700k.  That means that at a 50% growth rate, he’d reach his goal in about 6.5 years.   And that’s only about a 1% improvement per week.  Very close.  

What I wanted to see is if he actually believed he could do it, or was he setting himself up for failure to validate some internal map of failure.   The “there are no unrealistic goals, only unrealistic time frames” perspective found it plausible.

And possible, if he had real confidence in his earning potential.  Poking around, I discovered that he had a weight issue that could be resolved in a year, and a marriage that was strong, even if he had some beliefs from childhood that positive change could cause loss of friends.  Nothing seriously out of whack.   Very nice.  A challenge, but he seemed the kind of person who relishes a good challenge.  

Starting with believing that he COULD make such a shift, the trick was helping him see how he SHOULD: why it was the expression of childhood dreams and ultimate values.   Why it would be a sign of the amount of value he is adding to the lives of those around him.  How much good he could do if he could be that kind of role model. 

The next step was to show him a route to HOW he could do it.  Now, I’ve never earned ten million a year.      I never had that kind of goal, but honor and celebrate those who are willing to aim at such massive success.  And I DO know  how people organize their internal and external resources to achieve dreams beyond their ordinary levels.

And a core means is the “mastermind”: two or more people aligned in a spirit of perfect harmony working toward a specific end.   The alignment of external human resources with your internal drives.    This is elegant, because not only is this man adding direct resources, but he is also calming the part of him that says “I will be alone.”

He must start with his wife.  If he loves her, and is committed to her, then if there is any part of him that believes success will damage his marriage, THAT PART WILL SLAM ON THE BRAKES.  And to create a new future he is going to have to be willing to
1) Believe the new goals are a deeper, truer expression of who and what he really is.
2) Believe that working for his goal will bring more pleasure to his life than pain.
3) Believe that NOT achieving his goal will bring him pain (which means that he must define “success” as the ACTIONS and ATTITUDES he adopts, not specifically the external results, which are out of direct control)
4) Be willing to destroy any illusions about himself, and step forward into his truth.
5) Be TOTALLY aligned internally, not fighting himself. 
6) Seek at least ONE person with  whom he can externally align.  In this case, a loving wife.  Someone willing to share his vision.   Someone to reality-check him, and with whom to share tears and laughter.
7) Believe that he sees a path that requires only his constant, rising action and insight.  Not looking for “luck” to help him.  Oddly, the people who take such full responsibility find “luck” aiding them at every turn.
8) Raise his energy level, prepare for a marathon not a sprint, and go for it.
9) When failure inevitably occurs, learn the lesson, have faith that he can overcome, get back up and hit it again.

Recognize the “Secret Formula” here?   Goals times Faith times Constant Action times Gratitude equals Results?

Simple, powerful, direct.  It suggests that we have within us the resources we need to heal, to grow.  That if we look into our pasts, we can find positive things, a “rock” to stand on.   Our tactical grasp of methods of approach give us the “lever.”  Archimedes famously said “give me a lever and a place to stand, and I will change the world.”   Give a human being a place to make and emotional “stand”, and a tactical “lever” and they’ll do more than move the world.  They’ll MAKE their world.

Namaste,
Steve

Balancing Male and Female

The “Secret of Sex Transmutation” chapter of THINK AND GROW RICH suggests that you take the same “energy” invested in thinking or engaging in sex and apply it to your material dreams.    That the the mingled emotions of faith, love, and sex intensifies human thought to its highest level,  and that men and women who achieve at the highest levels also tend to have very sexual natures, which is highly related to their drive, ambition, creativity, and accomplishment.

“The Art of Erotic Intelligence” takes this idea and runs with it.  Amara Charles has studied sexual magic from multiple traditions, and taught workshops in this challenging—and delicious—discipline around the world.  The kind of lady who will literally climb mountains in Tibet to spend a few hours with the right teacher.  Very much a kindred spirit.

I knew I could not write such a course on my own.  Why? Well...

1) While I’ve studied the disciplines, I don’t  “live there.”  I have the knowledge in my body and unconscious, but lack the languaging, and conceptual mastery to teach.

2) I’m kind of a guy.  That means that no matter what I do, I’m going to see things from a Yang perspective first.   I can ignore this, or over-compensate, but I can’t simply relax and flow without skewing perspective.  I NEEDED that feminine energy to complete the balance.  

Amara and I clashed for years on what this or that aspect of this concept meant, or could be or should be applied.   But ultimately, we realized that the very lack of total agreement was no weakness, but rather a strength. That we were actually representing, in every “spirited discussion”, the very difference in perspectives that has  deviled (and enlivened) the relationships between men and women through history.   But it also represents the difficulty we have mastering communication within ourselves.  The Left-Brain/Right-Brain split.   The Parent-Child split (and flip a coin as to which is which.  No pejoratives implied!) The Healer-Warrior, or Artist-Engineer,  Explorer and Homemaker, Flesh and Spirit, or Heart and Head, or Creator and Banker, or…or…

If you have experienced imbalance in any of these arenas.  If you suffer writer’s block, can’t quite figure out how to get paid for the work you do, lack drive and motivation, keep getting dumped into the “friend” category in relationships,  can’t access your intuitive or calculating sides, “need” the love and approval of others, can’t “understand  the opposite sex” or satisfy your sexual hungers ethically and without masks or deception,  or any number of other manifestations of imbalance between the “male” and female” aspects of their inner or outer lives…then “The Art of Erotic Intelligence” is for you.

Now, Amara is in an ecstatic relationship with her partner Shyena, so this isn’t a matter of heterosexuality.  That duality goes WAY beyond mere physical gender.  The male and female aspects aren’t like livers and kidneys—they don’t precisely exist outside of human perspective.  But they are superb metaphors for the internal world, as well as relating to the joining together of human beings in loving,  sexual relationships, social or commercial relationships.

In Tantra yoga, the model of human evolution includes the “chakra” system, where the balance of male and female frees “energy” to rise to the next level and confront the next set of challenges.  In life, balancing your creative/editing, long term/short term planning or fear/love drives can create chaos, stagnation, and unbelievable frustration.   While  the techniques for accessing the “left brain” aspects can be written and described easily, the “right brain” flow state aspects are more elusive, more magical, and seem esoteric or even mystical to those stuck in the linear mode.

It doesn’t have to be that way.  Men and women can have both.  It is your heritage and strength.  The “Art of Erotic Intelligence” is pretty close to unique, a first step to blending these two arenas in a way I’ve never seen, and that, if you actually hear what is being said, and PUT IT INTO YOUR BODY by performing the exercises (which are unbelievable fun!) you will, in thirty days, grasp a truth of our existence that cannot quite be put into words.

For just three more days, this breakthrough course is available at a reduced price, and with special incentive.  If any of what I have said speaks to you, this may be what you have always sought…a hunger you couldn’t quite define, let alone satisfy.

Passion is power.  

Namaste,
Steve
Www.realeroticintelligence.com

A teacher passes

Harley Reagan, known also as "Swift Deer" or "Thunder Strikes", was my teacher, friend, and brother.  One of the most fascinating human beings I ever met.  He taught me judo and jiu jitsu for years, and never charged me a penny.    He passed last night at 6:45.  I will miss him terribly.

What is Erotic Intelligence?

Now, some of you have asked exactly what this course is about, and I can say is that it has eluded precise languaging.  However, I would say it is about truth, about energy, about tapping into your passions and using them to pull you toward your future self.   What Amara says is:  “erotic intelligence is about having the ability to clearly express and actualize your desires using your masculine energies and your feminine energies wisely for mutual benefit and welfare.”

What our first tester said was: “Wow!  Steve, you’ve done it again!” 

And that makes me happy.  Words are all we have to communicate most times, but we captured a bit of magic on the ART OF EROTIC INTELLIGENCE audios, something that required the dance of male and female energies.   If you are “stuck” in any arena of your life, or need deeper access to your creativity, or yearn for that connection with another human being…find the connection within yourself FIRST, and you will be delighted by the results.

Four more days for the special offer!

Namaste,
Steve
Www.realeroticintelligence.com

So I’ve been telling you how Amara Charles and I created ...

So I’ve been telling you how Amara Charles and I created the Art of Erotic Intelligence program.  We conducted a special event in December of 2012 in front of a live audience, testing and refining the approach.  Then, we had to transcribe the presentation.  We created supporting material, and then a step by step, a "Thirty Days to Erotic Intelligence” program to put the juice back into  your life, whether you have a partner or not.

Then  we added bonus after bonus, including  an annotated version of one of the greatest success texts in history, relating it to sensuality and sexuality.  The ART OF EROTIC INTELLIGENCE is not for children, or those who wish to remain asleep to their potential.   It is intended to be a step along  the path to Awakened Adulthood, acceptance of the challenge to embrace life on every level, and seize this one existence we have for all it's worth. 

Demanding that life give up all of its pleasures:  Health.  Wealth.  Love.  Happiness. Contribution.
Why not have it all?

This is a first, a joining of esoteric and practical considerations, opening the door to what can only be called a magical life.

To begin every day with a sense of possibility and gratitude.  To know how to raise your energy, then direct it to your own healing and awakening.  To fulfill all of your obligations with joy and creativity, every word, thought and act flowing toward your future as naturally as water flowing to the sea.
THIS is your birthright, heritage, and destiny.  And it is nothing less than this we want to give you.
How much is it?    I told an early tester the price I had in mind, and she said the following: “No!  It should be closer to $149; it is worth more than that...

My conscience would be clear if we charged 149.95.   Or 99.95. But we aren't .  The price is only 49.00, but because we want you, our “family” to have access first, for the first five days ONLY, until FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 13TH  it will be only 39.95.   Then the price goes up to 49.95.   Order now!

Www.realeroticintelligence.com

Namaste,
Steve

(P.S.—as an added incentive, just for the first five days, until Friday September 13th, you will ALSO get two additional bonus MP3’s—Amara’s NINE EROGENOUS ZONES and Steve’s  ANCIENT CHILD meditation, perfect for emotional healing.  Don’t miss this opportunity!)
WWW.REALEROTICINTELLIGENCE.COM

The KUNDALINI EQUATION is available again!

Out of print for decades, thank God for ebooks!    KUNDALINI has been a favorite of mine for decades, and I love the fact that its back!

http://www.amazon.com/The-Kundalini-E...