Jyvur Entropy's Blog, page 31

WWW Weds: All Arcs This Time!

Another WWW Weds, and I have no horrible rambling sad-posting to do first, because my head is all the way back on. Finally. My goodness. If everybody that has to deal with me thinks they’re tired, y’all should really think about how tired I am. I feel like, when you have emotional difficulties/mental illness-whatever we want to call it, a lot of times people act like you’re being a pain in the ass on purpose.

Actually, the only person who never treated me that way, even once, is my husband. And for a hot minute there, I really took him for granted. I forgot that he’s the only person who never makes me feel judged or small, even though I act like a complete asshole a lot of the time.

This man literally had to work through an episode with me when I was around 26, where for weeks, I woke up in the middle of the night, in a panic, convinced demons/shadow people were encroaching on the bed. I was stressed out because my ghostwriting business wasn’t going well. I was also working on my Master’s Degree at the time, and having a hell of a time passing a course on Modernism. Stress turns into delusions pretty easily for me.

But yeah. I should never take this man for granted. He went sleep-deprived for weeks and never made me feel bad about it. He just patiently talked me through every two a.m episode, logically explaining why shadow people weren’t a thing, never making me feel like a moron for being so panicked, and pointing out that I was probably having delusions because I was very stressed.

That’s all I have to say on the personal front. I’m feeling so much better. And, as with every other emotional episode I’ve had, my husband helped me through it. I adore my husband a lot. I’m very grateful that I have him, because I don’t think anybody else would ever have the steady energy that’s kind of required to be around me. And I don’t mean that in a “If you can’t take me at my worst”-Marilyn Monroe-meme sort of way. I think I’m an exhausting pain-in-the-ass, but without any really compelling positive traits to make up for that. I’m lucky I found a partner who feels otherwise. He’s wrong though.

Anyhow, my reading is going great, because I’m not depressed and spending a huge chunk of time listening to Columbine 911 calls anymore (I don’t know why that makes me feel better, and yes, I’m aware it is worrying).

So, let’s move on to the books!

This is a weekly meme hosted by Sam at Taking on a World of Words.

It is Three Questions:

What Are You Currently Reading?What Did You Recently Finish Reading?What Do You Think You Will Read Next?What Are You Currently Reading?

I’m about halfway through this arc that I received through Prism Book Tours. I’ve got to get my butt in gear because my review is due by this Friday!

So far, I’m really enjoying the book. This book is exactly what writers mean when they say “voicey.” The main character is so funny and charming. Also, the mystery is really fun. It involves Egyptian artifacts and the antique black market. Everything about it is so cool. I love learning so much about antiquities and Egyptology.

What Did You Recently Finish Reading?

I didn’t love this book. I did post a promo for the book and emphasized the one thing I enjoyed about the book-the beach theme. I think a beach theme in a Christmas romance is a neat twist. But…that was about all I liked. I told the whole truth and nothing but the truth on goodreads.

I still need to crack into this arc of Bloodlines by Emily Hurricane. Ack! I’m so behind! I’ll get there though. It is next up on the TBR.

That’s it for me! What are you reading? Any arcs?

Happy Wednesday!

“Tell Me What To Do”: A NSFW Excerpt from my Role Reversal Time Travel Romance

*A chapter from my novel “Desire and Destruction.” If you like role reverse relationships or gentle femdom, you can check out the completed book for free on wattpad. I basically always wanted to read a classic time travel bodice ripper, but with a shy short dude and the girl gets to be on top

A Cozy Second Chance Christmas Romance with a Beachy Setting

If you’re not quite ready to part ways with the Christmas season, Harlequin is dropping a beachy Christmas romance in two days time! Releasing on January 12, 2020, “Second Chance Christmas” is a story of overcoming loss, family, and second chances at first loves.

One of the aspects I most enjoyed about this book was the setting. Turtleback Beach is such a cozy little setting (exactly what you need in a cozy romance!), yet instead of the usual Christmas-themed-town you’d normall see in this genre, this is a beach town. I thought that was a nice, unexpected twist!

A lot of these books take place in a town that is known for some kind of Christmas-related thing: a Christmas village, Christmas celebration, etc. The town is usually a Christmas destination or at least a winter vacation spot, like a town centered around a ski resort or deep in the mountains. Here, we get something completely different, yet entirely refreshing.

This is a beach town. The weather is slightly warmer (not snowy and colder) than where the main characters hail from: Boston. It’s an interesting choice to set a Christmas romance in a setting that is decidedly un-Christmas-y. The weather is unseasonably warm, rather than being flooded with Christmas tourists the town is in their off-season and only has locals, and then the greatest mis-match of all; the beach theme.

There are several scenes that take place on the beach, something we’d normally see in a summer romance (could there be any sub-genres more opposite? Summer romance and Christmas romance are like opposite ends of the cozy/clean romance spectrum). The hero’s job even revolves around the beach. He has a water rescue dog (for those of you new to the cozy romance genre, let me explain, there’s always a dog) and he’s training that dog to save drowning people. He works with a whole team at the beach and his job features prominently in the story. And the story pulls local businesses into the beachy theme. Usually the references to local businesses are Christmasy. In this book, they are beachy! It’s a twist I love. There’s a local bakery that names all of their treats with a beach-them. For example, crab claws instead of bear claws. Too cute! I’m all about it.

Second Chance Christmas(Turtleback Beach #3)By Rula SinaraContemporary RomancePaperback & ebook, 384 Pages (Large Print)January 1, 2021 by Harlequin Heartwarming
A beachside Christmas

Brings unexpected gifts!

A second chance. That’s what former navy SEAL Damon Woods asks for when Zuri Habib comes to Turtleback Beach with a nephew who looks just like him. After her sister’s death, Zuri believes Caden deserves to know his father—even if he did break her teenage heart. Can Damon and Zuri forgive each other and give a grieving boy the family he needs this Christmas?

USA TODAY Bestselling Author

Turtleback Beach
Book 1: Almost a Bride
Book 2: Caught by the Sheriff
Book 3: Second Chance Christmas

( Goodreads | Amazon | B&N | Book Depository | HarlequinBAM| IndieBound| Target| Walmart| Apple | Kobo | Google

Excerpt

DAMON FELT LIKE he’d had the air knocked out of him. Vera was dead? He was a father? He wasn’t sure which fact was tripping him more. He glanced over at the boy playing with Duck. The kid reminded him so much of his late, younger brother it hurt. He looked a lot like Damon, too. He knew it. The second he saw the boy and Zuri he knew in his gut something was wrong. She’d mentioned bringing a kid along, but Damon had assumed that meant she’d had a child in the years since he last saw her. He’d assumed that maybe she had a recent breakup and needed to get away. Lots of people came to the Outer Banks as an escape. His chest felt numb. He was a father and had been for the past twelve years and the truth had been kept from him? He’d been slammed and pulled under by monstrous waves before, but none had left his lungs feeling as useless as right now.

Throughout his training as a SEAL, through every covert operation overseas, through the past four years here as head of Turtleback Beach’s Ocean Rescue and Beach Patrol division…and all along he’d had a son. He muttered a curse and turned his back on her. He looked over the rough waters of the Atlantic, familiar with every square inch of the shoreline he lived on, yet fully aware that it never stayed the same. The ocean ebbed and flowed and changed its sands every day. He’d come to believe that he’d finally found stability in his life. What a lie. He should have known. He was trained to expect the unexpected. He just never thought it would involve a kid. Nor was he expecting it to involve the death of someone else from his past. He’d never quite gotten over the loss of his own brother. Or so many of his SEAL brothers in the line of duty.

“Are you sure?” The question sounded pathetic considering the boy’s looks. He had Woods in him all right. Those dark eyes, full lashes and the way his lips quirked and revealed dimples when he smiled were how everyone could always tell that Damon, Leo, Shawn and Lucas were brothers.

“That you’re the father? Absolutely. But you’re free to get tested.”

He might have to get tested if Vera didn’t have him listed on the birth certificate, but the boy was definitely a younger version of him…or more so, Lucas. He looked so much like a Woods that the sight of him opened an old wound. Lucas couldn’t have been much older than Caden when Damon had gotten word, while overseas, that he’d drowned. The memory still haunted him. Lucas had been the youngest of four. Damon, the oldest. And he still couldn’t get past the belief that, had he not escaped his home life the first chance he had, he’d have been around to save his little brother.

A lump rose in his chest and he tried rubbing it away but it grew and hardened when he turned and caught Zuri wiping her cheeks. She’d lost her older sister. He knew the pain she had to be going through. He sucked in a breath of salty air and tucked his hands in the pockets of his windbreaker to keep himself from wrapping his arms around her. There was a time when doing so would have felt natural and expected, but not anymore.

About the Author

National and USA Today Bestselling author Rula Sinara lives in rural Virginia with her family and crazy but endearing pets. She loves organic gardening, attracting wildlife to her yard, planting trees, raising backyard chickens and drinking more coffee than she’ll ever admit to. Rula’s writing has earned her a National Readers Choice Award and HOLT Medallion Award of Merit, among other honors. You can discover more about Rula at her blog A Writer’s Rush, on Twitter, on Facebook as RulaSinaraAuthor or on her website www.RulaSinara.com, where you can also sign up for her newsletter.

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Creating Great Three-Dimensional Characters!

I’m so excited to be writing this post, because it was specifically requested! A new writer friend and I were discussing some of the elements of writing fantasy. I mentioned I’m terrible at worldbuilding, but very strong when it comes to characters. He asked for some tips, so here’s hoping I didn’t hype myself up for nothing!

Let’s get started! How do you create a believable and compelling character?

First, notice that I said compelling, not likeable. A great character does not have to be likeable. In fact, messy and flawed characters can be some of the best ones. Contrary to popular belief, the audience does not have to root for the main character, they simply have to be interested in what happens to them.

A great character is two of three things:

-sympathetic

-active

-competent

A sympathetic character is one the audience wants to root for. These are generally the likeable characters.

Now let’s take a look at a character that many find unlikeable and unsympathetic, yet he’s still a great character.

Walter White from the show “Breaking Bad” is not very sympathetic. I’ll say he is somewhat sympathetic, because he has cancer and he loves his family. But that wouldn’t be enough to carry him as a character-especially once his actions start directly putting his family in danger-if he wasn’t so active and competent.

Competent means that the character is very skilled in one or more areas. For Walter White, this means chemistry and problem-solving. He becomes braver and more aggressive as the show goes on, but he starts out very timid and afraid of doing what has to be done. We see this in the episode where he injures a drug dealer and keeps him locked in Jessie’s basement for days, trying to work up the nerve to murder him. Still, Walter White is able to navigate these terrifying and dangerous situations, that a high school science teacher should never be involved in, because he is so intelligent, and so incredibly knowledgeable in his area of expertise: chemistry. So Walter White is very competent.

Walter White is also very active. Now…when I say active, I don’t mean he’s doing a lot of good work lmao NO. That is not the case. Active only means that when it comes to conflicts in the plot, Walter is active in both creating and solving them. Emphasis on the creating. He puts a whole lot of energy into causing a ruckus. For a good portion of the show, he is able to solve the conflicts he puts himself in.

The first conflict that arises in “Breaking Bad” is Walter being diagnosed with cancer. This is an example of the character being passive. He didn’t do anything to cause this conflict. It was brought TO him and he only had to react to the conflict. It’s not that characters can NEVER be passive. That wouldn’t be realistic. Sometimes shit just hits the fan, even when a person hasn’t done anything to invite it. But if you’ve decided that one of your two character traits will be active, then they should make choices that move the plot along: this includes both causing and resolving conflicts. Walter being diagnosed with cancer is one of the few plot points where he is passive. Most the plot points beyond that, he is active. He decides to start cooking meth. He decides to become some hardass drug kingpin. These are all choices that he makes and the shape the plot takes is molded by him.

While Walter is sympathetic at times, overall, the writers chose active and competent out of the three options.

So this is where you need to start:

Step One: Choose Your Two

Sympathetic, Active, or Competent?

Resist the urge to choose all three. Your character needs weaknesses and flaws!

Photo by Kamaji Ogino on Pexels.com



Step Two: Character Motivations

You need to answer a couple of questions before you start writing. If you don’t know the answers to these questions, you run the risk of your character coming across as flat, or as nothing but a set of eyes watching the plot unfold. A three-dimensional character needs motivations, and these should be consistent, until there is progression in their character arc, or until there is a true reason for them to change. You can’t just have your character’s motivations fluctuate wildly from one scene to the next without a darn good reason.

So, ask yourself…

What does your character want?What is standing in their way?What are they willing to do to get what they want?Is there a lie or false belief holding them back from what they want? If so, this will play into their character arc.

Take, for example, my favorite Disney movie: “The Little Mermaid.”

What does Ariel want? Well, she tells us directly. This is actually really common in Disney movies: the “I want” song.

“I want to be where the people are. I want to see-want to see them dancing!….Up where they walk, up where they run, up where they stay all day in the sun! Wandering free…wish I could be part of that world.”

Ariel gets a lot of grief for supposedly not being a Strong Wahmen character, but she has clear motivations that pre-exist the infatuation she feels for Prince Eric. This is why the “she gave up her whole life for a man!” argument just doesn’t make sense. She didn’t give up her voice and life with her family for Prince Eric. She always wanted to live on land. He was only her inciting event. She wanted a life in his world regardless.

(Also, give my girl some credit for being a female character who DOES the romantic pursuing. She doesn’t sit around waiting for a man to pick her. She’s like ‘that is my guy, I shall go woo him now.’ You know….I watched The Little Mermaid a LOT as a kid…is Ariel to blame for my gentle femdom fetish?….Okay, let’s not open that box up. Anyway, Ariel is a wonderful female role model and I adore her).

To name a few other Disney movies:

The Lion King: “I want to be a mighty king”

Beauty and the Beast: “I want adventure in the great wide somewhere! I want it more than I can tell.”

Now, a book isn’t a Disney movie, so it probably isn’t a great idea to have the character come right out and tell the audience what they want. It should be more subtle. But you, as the author, should be able to answer all of these questions about their motivations.

These motivations CAN change and that brings me to my next point…

What is your character’s arc?

A great story has two arcs: the external arc (plot) and the internal arc (character). You can have a static character, but most of the truly great stories have a dynamic character, meaning that they are significantly changed by the end of the story.

Start with these questions:

Is it a negative character arc or a positive character arc?

Meaning, does your character become a better person or a worse person by the end of the story?

“Breaking Bad” has a negative character arc. Walter White goes from being a good husband and a science teacher with a good reputation in his community to a drug dealer who his family now loathes.

“The Yellow Wallpaper” is a gothic short story with a negative character arc. The protagonist goes from being depressed to suffering from full-blown psychosis.

A positive character arc can be found in Disney’s “Beauty and the Beast”. The Beast goes from being loud, aggressive, and selfish, to being a loving and gentle person who thinks of other people. We see the progression of his character arc in the scene where he gifts Belle with a library, after spending time thinking of how to make her happy.

Next, plan out the external arc and internal arc in tandem. Think about how these two arcs will play off of each other.

The most important question you should be able to answer is this: How will your character be different by the end of the story?

Photo by Erik Mclean on Pexels.com



Character Backstory

This is the sort of thing that you have to plan out, otherwise you run the risk of defaulting to basing the character off yourself.

I’ve recently changed my position on writer’s basing characters off themselves. I used to think it was a really bad idea. I’ve come around and now believe it can actually lead to a level of emotional depth that couldn’t be achieved otherwise. However, I think writers should always consider the option of NOT basing the character off themselves first. Why? Because human beings are not objective and you need to objectively understand your character. If you are going to base the character off yourself, I think you need to take the time to understand your own flaws objectively (and this means listening to how your readers are reacting to your self-insert-what are THEY telling you the character’s flaws are?).

It is more fun, I think, to give your character a backstory that isn’t just yours copy/pasted onto them.

Remember to make them a whole person.

What were some key events from their childhood?

Where did they grow up? In one place, or did they move around?

What are some weird physical quirks they have? (like me, for example, I have a tooth in the roof of my mouth. My body just grew an extra tooth and it’s in the roof of my mouth, with a big old bump, and every dentist that has ever checked it has said it’s fine and doesn’t need to be removed-physical quirks could also be acne or brittle fingernails and skin tags around their eyes, etc)

What is their health like? Both currently and throughout the course of their life.

What is their family situation like? Both immediate and extended family. What are some of their favorite and least favorite memories with their family? Which family members are they closest to and why? Why do they click with that family member over others?

What is their general energy and vibe like? Are they calm or irritable? Are they high energy or low energy? Hard working or lazy? And how has this vibe already changed over the course of their life?

Character Map! Character Map! And Then Character Map Again!

You can find tons of character maps online. This means lists of questions to answer about your character. I recommend character mapping and figuring out motivations, not only for your protagonist, but for all of your main characters. Even if you end up coming up with information that you never end up using, you should know your character like the back of your hand. If you don’t, you could default to basing them off yourself, or worse, their motivations and actions will be inconsistent. You can’t simply have a character make a decision for plot reasons. It has to fit their character, their motivations, their backstory.

Here are just a few of the important questions a character map should include:

How Does Your Character Speak?

Every character should “sound” a little different. Do they use long sentences or short? Do they speak their mind or keep their cards close to their chest?

Keep in mind that your character’s other personality traits will affect how they speak.

If they are shy, they will say less than an outgoing character.

If they are pretentious, they will probably use a lot of long, flowery sentences and archaic words.

If they are very hip and cool, they will probably speak in a lot of memes and pop culture references (esp if you plan to include texting or social media content in the book).

How Old is the Character?

Not only is it important to remember age, but also WHEN were they born.

See, I was born in the late 80’s. I was a teenager in the early 2000s. I once wrote a 15 year old character who flipped through a pile of CDs, looking for something to listen to. Y’all can see why that doesn’t make any darn sense, right? A 15 year old today was born in 2006. Unless there is a specific reason that is made clear to readers, a 15 year old wouldn’t be listening to CDs.

When I write younger characters, I can’t default to my own youth experience. I have to think about the year the story is set in, and which technologies and cultural/historical events shaped their life experience.

Photo by Vincenzo Giove on Pexels.com

That’s all I’ve got for now!

TLDR: Choose your two, character motivations, character arc, and map, map, map again! Know everything you possibly can about your character.

Happy writing!

Photo by Zen Chung on Pexels.com

Discord | RR Romance forum | Wattpad | Booktube |

Holy Crap, I started a forum XD

I noticed, in my travels around the internet, that a lot of forums look really similar. I had just joined a writer forum and mentioned in my discord, “Hey this looks exactly the same as the Fiverr forum…..and the Tapas forum….and many other forums.” And one of the techie people told me the software was called Discourse and open source.

Well…..

I WATCHED A BUNCH OF TUTORIALS AND MADE A FORUM!!! XD

This probably wouldn’t be a big deal to many people, but I am very bad with technology.

So honestly, the site probably doesn’t look all that impressive yet, and I’m still trying to figure out how to connect the domain I bought. But the site is up and two people have already made accounts.

It’s a niche writing community. It’s for romance writers with an interest in role reversal. ie: the woman pursues, the woman protects, the man is a soft sensitive little cinnamon roll. I obviously like gentle femdom, but it doesn’t have to be femdom romance. It can just be romance that plays with gender expectations and doesn’t do the typical alpha-male damsel in distress thing.

It is also doesn’t have to be hetero romance. That’s what I write and that’s generally what is meant by role reversal romance, but I want this to be inclusive community, so any romance that plays with gender norms and deviates from gendered expectations is fine by me

Gah! I’m so proud of myself. I did a technology.

And now I have a niche writing community!

Please join is you have any interest at all in role reverse romance

It’s very cozy atm. Just three of us, but I’m hoping the forum will grow a bit over time.

https://rrromancewriters.discoursehosting.net/

Also, any tips anyone has to make this forum better are most appreciated Please let me know if you have any issues accessing the site or any glitches that need to be fixed.

As with all communities I create, this forum is 18+. I don’t believe adults and kids need to interact online and especially considering the content of this site, you’ll see in the TOS it is open to adults only.

YEAH! XD

WWW Weds: Second Chance Romance and Historical Fiction

This is a weekly meme hosted by Sam at Taking on a World of Words.

It’s just three questions:

-What are you currently reading?

-What did you recently finish reading?

-What do you think you will read next?

Photo by Ravi Kant on Pexels.com



What Am I Currently Reading?

I’m still very hooked on book tours at the moment.

I signed up to review an arc of this Second Chance romance.

This book is surprisingly grounded for a cozy second chance romance. The characters and their motivations are all very realistic. My full review will be posted on January 10th.

I’m also still working my way through this arc that I also received through Prism Book Tours. This is a cute and quirky mystery dealing with Egyptian artifacts and secret treasure. Real Indiana Jones vibes here.

And I’m still beta reading a manuscript for Pixie Stormcrow. It’s called “The Heart to Lead.” It’s a gentle femdom romance and I can’t wait for the paperback to become available.

Pixie launched a different book yesterday, “The Will to Serve” which I read back when it was still on wattpad. The polished, edited book is now for sale in ebook and paperback.

You could also score a free copy if you enter Pixie’s giveaway. A few winners will score not only a signed copy of the book, but also some cool book swag.

What Did You Recently Finish Reading?

I finished nothing this week. I’ve been reading very slowly and hopping around from one book to another. My attention is pretty split.

What Do You Think You Will Read Next?

There are two arcs I received from writer friends that I really need to get cracking on!

The first is Bloodlines by Emily Hurricane.

The second is “The Long Guest” is Jennifer Mugrage.

That it for me, my life and what I’m reading and all of that.

See you next Weds for another update

WWW Weds: Not a Great Week, but Romance Novels are the Best Distraction

This is a weekly meme hosted by Sam at Taking on a World of Words.

It’s just three questions:

-What are you currently reading?

-What did you recently finish reading?

-What do you think you will read next?

Photo by Ravi Kant on Pexels.com

Before I get into the books, I’ll give everybody an update on how I’m doing. It’s something I’ve gotten into the habit of doing on WWW Weds, mostly because my reading habits are greatly affected by my emotional state.

Earlier this week, I wasn’t doing okay at all. I’ve talked before about how I have some obsessive tendencies. I fixate on things. Sometimes that thing is Columbine. Sometimes that thing is spontaneous human combustion. When I was around 25, I fixated on a coworker and obsessively checked all of her social media, almost constantly. That lasted until she publicly embarrassed me in front of a bunch of our coworkers, by telling all of them about marital issues I was having at the time. It was incredibly mean and told me a lot about the kind of person she was and the fixation died all at once when she did that.

So, I’m over here trying to pull myself out of another fixation involving a person. This time, somebody I’ve never met. Since this started, I’ve always been aware that I’m probably more fixated on an idea of who this person is. Any emotions attached to the fixation aren’t real. My brain has taken the limited information that I have and filled in the gaps, in a way that makes the person appealing/interesting/admirable to me. Like, I’ve known that the whole time. The problem is that my emotions and compulsions do not match the logical part of my brain.

And it is my fault that the fixation became so severe, because, listen I have mental health issues and that’s what causes me to obsess and fixate. That doesn’t mean I didn’t know I was doing the wrong thing by giving in to the fixation and feeding it. I justified it to myself. I told myself, I have control of this. This is just something happening inside of my head, so it doesn’t matter. It isn’t hurting anybody. Nobody will ever notice.

As I should have known, and I think on some level did know (making this not just a mental health issue, but a failure on my part to do the right thing), eventually it got to a point that I had to admit I could no longer continue interacting with this person. The interactions were few and brief, but it was enough to ratchet up all the emotions attached to this fixation to an unmanageable level.

So I admitted all of this to the person I’d fixated on. It was embarrassing, but I admitted it, because I felt like it had gotten to the point that they deserved to know it, so they could take precautions and distance themselves on their end.

That didn’t exactly happen. They continued to speak to me through a sock puppet account and tossed the word “crazy” at me when asked why they were doing that.

Crazy. Yes, and I never exactly hid that. I have mental health issues. I wave my red flags around like a parade. Yes, I am crazy. I’m still a person. My emotions are, admittedly, too strong for the situation. That doesn’t mean I deserved to have a boundary violated. Continuing to speak to me through an anon account is not a clean break and that is what I communicated I needed, in order to put my fucking head back on, because it has popped off.

That person went away after that. And I was glad. Like, it will take me a long time to get over it completely. The logical part of my brain realizes this is absurd and I will do everything I can to speed the process up.

The issue I ran into earlier this week is that this person once wrote something short about me. I mean, that’s a normal thing to happen when you create content. Other people have written short pieces about me and my books. I’ve stumbled across tumblr posts about me. I once randomly stumbled across a quotev thread about one of my books. I’ve found people posting about my books on the wattpad forums, back when those were still a thing. I write books and, on some level, I want to be noticed and recognized for what I do.

But I’m fixated on this person. With that short piece being out there in the world, I’m going to keep feeling compelled to check it and see if it has been updated or edited. Every single time I open my laptop, the compulsion will be there.

A few days ago, there was a massive spike in traffic to this blog, with this short piece about me showing up in my stats. I gave into the compulsion and checked it.

It was updated. New logo image for me. Some sentences deleted. New references to my content linked.

I tried not to let it bother me. But it does bother me. As long as that piece is up, I’m going to compulsively check it to see if anything has been added/changed, and any time it is updated, my thoughts are going to spiral into “What does that mean? Why is anybody thinking about me?”

It probably doesn’t mean anything. But I still need that taken down.

As much as it flatters me and made me feel like my work is actually important (as it always does when somebody writes about me), if it doesn’t come down, I’ll continue to fixate.

I didn’t know what to do about this. Because I know I can’t handle speaking directly to this person. I was venting about it to a writer friend, and like the absolute angel she is, she said, “How can I reach them? I’ll do it for you.”

So the request has been made.

And while I was really feeling down a few days ago, today I’m feeling really hopeful that I can finally put this all behind me. If there’s nothing for me to check, then I won’t have anything to fixate on. And the whole anon account thing made me so angry that I was able to stop checking all of this person’s other content. Cold turkey. The pedestal crumbled. Which is really the best thing that could have happened here.

Once there’s no article up for me to compulsively click on, I think I’ll be cured completely.

So today, I’m feeling really good. Because this is the very last thing that needs to happen to separate me from this person and their community. I feel hopeful that this request will be honored as best it can be. I can break these ties for good, and focus on immersing myself more in the book community, specifically the romance/erotica communities, which are super fun and where I should have been investing my time and attention from the start.

~That’s it for my emotional state at the moment. It was a rocky week, but I’m feeling very positive and hopeful today~

Now, onto the books!

Photo by Sora Shimazaki on Pexels.com

Romance novels are the best distraction. They really are

What Am I Currently Reading?

I’m still very hooked on book tours at the moment.

I signed up to review an arc of this Second Chance romance.

This book is surprisingly grounded for a cozy second chance romance. The characters and their motivations are all very realistic. My full review will be posted on January 10th.

I’m also still working my way through this arc that I also received through Prism Book Tours. This is a cute and quirky mystery dealing with Egyptian artifacts and secret treasure. Real Indiana Jones vibes here.

And I’m still beta reading a manuscript for Pixie Stormcrow. It’s called “The Heart to Lead.” It’s a gentle femdom romance and I can’t wait for the paperback to become available.

Pixie launched a different book yesterday, “The Will to Serve” which I read back when it was still on wattpad. The polished, edited book is now for sale in ebook and paperback.

You could also score a free copy if you enter Pixie’s giveaway. A few winners will score not only a signed copy of the book, but also some cool book swag.

What Did You Recently Finish Reading?

I finished nothing this week. I’ve been reading very slowly and hopping around from one book to another. My attention is pretty split.

What Do You Think You Will Read Next?

There are two arcs I received from writer friends that I really need to get cracking on!

The first is Bloodlines by Emily Hurricane.

The second is “The Long Guest” is Jennifer Mugrage.

That it for me, my life and what I’m reading and all of that.

See you next Weds for another update

‘Second Chances’: Paranormal Romance Book Tour and Giveaway!

I’m really hooking everybody up with the giveaways today, huh? What can I say? Shouting out my fellow writers, while also giving people a chance to get free stuff is just hella fun.

Here’s a paranormal romance to kick off your feels for the new year

#OnTour with @SilverDaggerBookTours | #SilverDaggerBookTours

~~

Release Day!! Book +Swag Giveaway! Tender BDSM Romance with the Soft Male Dom of Your Dreams <3

Have I told you guys how much I love Pixie Stormcrow?

I really do.

It’s not a secret that I like bdsm. I am a basic bitch. Women love bdsm; what can I tell you? Power dynamics are sexy. One person being protective and caring for the other person is romantic. I think it also plays into the natural human desire to find a partner who compliments us; the yin to our yang. This is the reason why I’m a loud obnoxious cunt and my husband is a shy, sweet man who gets along with everybody. I tend to like quiet, laid-back people because they have something I don’t, I admire their mellow stability, and they keep my own erratic energy in check a bit. And they like me for….well….I’m not sure for what reason. I’m a damn nuisance. Anyway, opposites attract is what I’m getting at, and I think this is part of the reason why bdsm is so popular.

The problem is that most bdsm romance is….gross. That’s the only word for it. It’s gross. Christian Grey is a boundary-crossing reptile. Then there’s all the kidnapping. And the rape. Holy hell, all the books making rape sexy (or attempting to) that I have accidentally wandered into thinking I’m just getting some bdsm sexy fun times.

What I rarely seen done in bdsm romance is tender bdsm. Not everybody who is turned on by submission and power games is into pain/humiliation/all the extreme chains and whips stuff. Even for the people who are turned on by the more extreme stuff, that doesn’t mean they want to fantasize about rape/non-con. That’s it’s own subgenre, but unfortunately, it does bleed over into the bdsm subgenre quite a lot. For me, I’m most turned on by bdsm when it’s very tender and sweet.

I think the consent is one of the sexiest aspects of bdsm. When I end up in a book like Linnea May’s “Violent Delights” and the female protagonist is straight-up kidnapped and raped, I’m just like….how is this sexy? How? Men are bigger than us. I weigh 115 pounds. A dude wouldn’t have to be some kind of billionaire alpha Chad to physically overpower me. It’s not impressive. It’s not manly. I mean, what is manly about overpowering somebody who has like 1/3 of your strength? And no, I’m not turned on by being smaller/weaker than men and I don’t understand that aspect of the rape-as-fantasy psychology either. Maybe it’s because of my history and all the issues with my family, but I just don’t see violence as sexy. I’ve lived through and seen a lot of violence and my brain is never going to place that anywhere near the “erotic” territory. Violence is humiliating and infuriating and it stays with you for years after it’s done. It never goes away (or maybe for other people it does, not for me it doesn’t though). Emphasizing that a man has the capacity for violence is so far removed from the realm of sexy for me. And most of these books play into the “special to him” manner of thinking. Like the Columbine fangirls who like to think that Eric Harris wouldn’t have killed them because their vagina is so magic. Or something. Magic pussy fucked the violence out of him is a recurring theme in romance and I am very tired of it. Not sure how the feminists aren’t all up on that one. Seems pretty antithetical to feminist doctrine to place the burden for male behavior on women and how beautiful/fuckable/not-like-the-other-girls they are. See, none of that is sexy to me. Any loser could kidnap and rape a woman. It doesn’t mean he’s an alpha. It means he’s emotionally unhinged and will probably literally set the woman on fire at some point, no matter how magic her pussy is. Violence is emotional weakness. Violence is a lack of self-control. What about that, exactly, is supposed to be impressive or masculine? If anybody wants to talk about toxic masculinity, you’d better start with the romance genre.

Consent on the other hand, is sexy as hell. What’s sexier than enthusiastic consent? We got all these rape eroticas with women crying and saying no, when they could be saying, ‘Yes, please. Fuck me. I want you to fuck me.’

That’s exactly what I get with Pixie Stormcrow’s books and I absolutely love it. Also, she’s now officially an award-winning author. Woot! Get it, girl! The first book in The Playgrounds series was awarded ‘Favorite BDSM’ by The Redhead’s Book Blog.

Here is a dose of the tender, respectful, loving bdsm you’ll find in all of Pixie Stormcrow’s works. This is an excerpt from the book she released today, “The Will to Serve.”

@eshurricane

Will to Serve by P. Stormcrow available now! #erotiktok #kinktok #booktok #booktoker #dominant #bdsm #bondage #steamyreads #spicyreads

♬ original sound – Emily S Hurricane – Author

[A promotional Tik Tok made by Emily Hurricane]

This is the second book in The Playgrounds series, but can absolutely be read as a standalone. I’ve read all books in the series at this point, but when I first discovered Pixie, “The Will to Serve” was still on wattpad, and I read this book first. It works fine as a standalone, and also works fine if you decide to go back and read the first book after the fact (That’s what I did and I was never lost).

…………………………

Why is the bdsm subgenre so full of all this rape and violence and nastiness? Why we got the hero throwing around words like “slut” instead of “sweetheart”? Why aren’t there more power dynamic romances with compliments? Gah! When he calls her pretty! *Swoon! Die!*

What I’m saying is I’m constantly pimping Pixie Stormcrow’s books, because they give me something I don’t find anywhere else: truly romantic, tender, sweet bdsm.

If you want to check out her unique brand of bdsm romance, she actually has a pretty cool giveaway going on right now. She’s giving away a signed copy of “The Will to Serve” along with some cool book swag: a shot glass, magnets, stickers, and more!

Click here to enter the giveaway

In addition to The Playgrounds series, Pixie also has a collection of steamy fairytale retellings and several other paranormal erotic romances.

She also runs an erotic advice column that educates others on how to have safe, sane, healthy bdsm relationships. She always places a focus on communication and respect. This is all really great advice that every couple needs, even the non-kinky ones. Respecting the boundaries of your partner and clearly communicating your own are so important.

You can join Pixie’s facebook group to submit a question of your own!

TLDR: if you like bdsm but you’d like it more if the male dom wasn’t an abusive asshole, you should check this lady out. Also she has a gentle femdom book in the works, if that’s more your speed.

Buy “The Will to Serve” on amazon

You can also purchase signed copies directly from Pixie’s website

Connect with Pixie: Goodreads | Bookbub | Instagram | facebook | Newsletter | Patreon

ABOUT P. STORMCROW

P. Stormcrow grew up with a love for love and somehow that turned into authoring contemporary and paranormal BDSM romances. Fierce women and sensitive men fill her stories while she examines social norms and challenges conventional tropes of the genre through her craft. Born in Hong Kong and raised in Canada, she enjoys writing about both cultures.
 
She’s also a techie, a graphic designer, a mother, a lover, a fighter and a little bit of everything else in between. When she’s not typing away madly on her phone and running into poles, she enjoys copious amounts of tea, way too many sugary treats and one too many sci-fi / fantasy / paranormal TV shows.

~That’s it for this release blitz! Happy horny reading

Let Me Talk About My Mental Illness

Photo by mododeolhar on Pexels.com

So, mental illness…I guess everybody has some level of mental illness.

The first time I saw a therapist was when I wrote a suicide note in a standardized test when I was 13. I was convinced nobody read those damn things anyway. I learned that was not the case.

Then when I was 14, I had an explosive anger episode and destroyed most of my house. I was angry because I’d been beaten up. Again. There was a ton of violence in my house growing up. Not that any of the doctors at the in-patient facility wanted to hear that. That was the first time I was hospitalized for a mental health episode.

The first time I had a severe delusion I was 17. I was convinced that the movie Donnie Darko was real and I was inside of it and that awful rabbit was following me around, going to pull me into a time loop at any moment. To this day, I can’t see any images from that movie without having a meltdown. The delusion was so severe I was taken to the emergency room twice and was evaluated, but was not hospitalized. My high school guidance counselor brought me to the hospital both times.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s my brain chemistry-if it’s just how I would be regardless-or if I can’t always tell what’s real because of all the weird shit my mom did to me. From around the age of 8 or 9 until about 8th grade, my mom continually told me I was haunted, that a malicious spirit had attached itself to me, and she would do things like point to shadows and scream that a ghost had just run through the room. She performed cleansing rituals on me and in my bedroom. She tried to teach me to astral project, all while telling me terrifying things about the string attaching my soul to my body potentially being cut and astral corpses and portals to other realms….Sometimes I feel like, is it any wonder I have a delusional disorder?

But that’s the frustrating part. I do not know if I have mental illness because of trauma or if I’m just mentally ill all on my own.

Most of my in-patient stays happened between the ages of 18-21. I lost count, but to ballpark it, I’d say there were around a dozen.

My diagnoses include all of the basic bitch stuff, of course.

–Bipolar

–Clinical Depression

–Generalized Anxiety Disorder

And the crowning jewel of basic bitch mental illnesses: Borderline Personality Disorder

Now for the serious stuff: delusions and paranoia

The two diagnoses up for debate when I stopped attending sessions with both my therapist and psychiatrist were either delusional disorder or schizoaffective disorder.

So, I don’t have hallucinations. I don’t see or hear things that aren’t there. But what I do have is a terrible problem of coming to incorrect conclusions. My brain takes two pieces of evidence and puts them together in a way that just doesn’t make sense at all.

I’ll give you another example. I thought shadow people were a real thing and were following me through my daily life, watching me. This delusion was severe and lasted for a period of about a month. I didn’t see any shadow people. I just “knew” they were around me. I became obsessed with reading about shadow people online. Basically, I went out looking for other lunatics to trigger the fuck out of me, then got triggered as fuck. So that happened in my mid-twenties.

My delusions are usually more mild, and just like Web MD says, I’m able to function in my daily life (usually) despite having them. Mild delusions might include me becoming convinced that everybody at work hates me, or me covering my webcam because I’m suddenly convinced hackers are watching me through it. It’s small stuff and I can go about life, battling off these delusions, and most people never realize there are very weird things happening in my head.

I know I’m one of the very luck mentally ill people, because I do have a lot of lucid moments where I realize I’ve gone off the deep end.

When I’m actively off the deep end, the inside of my brain is a very weird place to be. I don’t even feel like the same person and I definitely don’t feel like I’m in control, of myself or anything around me.

But I am in control when I’m having a lucid moment, and sometimes during a lucid moment, I realize I have to make a change in my life before I make myself worse. Whether that’s ‘I can not watch this movie anymore’ or it’s ‘I need this specific person to never ever mention me or link to any of my content again.’

I’m lucky enough to have a lot of people in my life who treat me with respect and dignity, like any other person, even though I have moments where I’m very off.

Honestly, the things I do during my stable lucid periods are probably off in relation to most people. I find repetitive behaviors soothing. I pace a lot. I listen to the same song on loop for hours. I daydream a lot and have random ‘practice’ conversations with myself while pacing. It’s all a lot of weirdness.

What I really wish other people would understand is that I’m still a human being, even though I’m off at times.

I go from really bubbly and high energy to feeling like I wish I’d die. I struggle with alcohol. I have a lot of paranoia. Sometimes I imagine connections with people that aren’t there and become very obsessive about them.

I try so hard to keep all of that in check and conduct myself in a way that isn’t inconvenient or upsetting to other people. It is very difficult.

I only wish other people would be a little more understanding. I wish other people would be a little more sensitive. I wish people would listen when I tell them a specific action will likely set me off.

Sigh….

I’m not sure what it is exactly I want to say.

And it’s not like mental illness makes me completely blameless for my actions. Definitely not. When I say “I’m sorry” it’s because I know I behaved with less moral integrity than I should have.

I wish I could explain how fucking hard it is to break away from a delusion.

Right now, I am almost out of one that lasted quite a while. I feel myself getting pulled back in. Those same thought patterns unfurling out of this dark, disjointed part of my brain like tendrils. It’s a constant battle to keep them from grabbing hold.

I’ve done everything I need to do to keep it from happening again. I’ve avoided all websites that will set me off.

I can only control myself though. That’s all I can say.

I’m trying. Nobody cares that I try. People only care when I fail. Then they’re exasperated and annoyed.

I pulled a few of my books off the web because working on them was triggering delusions.

I’m going to focus on writing romance and I’ll focus on creating fluffy, silly content, like book reviews and reaction videos. It might not be high art, but I really don’t care.