Nidhi Srivastava's Blog, page 8

Rewards

The 13th day of December has been exhaustive. Mondays are back-to-back calls and no time to pee situation in my life. I am writing a gratitude post today for myself. I watched a vlog recently, where the vlogger mentioned the importance of rewarding yourself. Why should you buy that expensive perfume? Why do you need an iPad? Well, burning a hole in your pocket might concern you. But rewarding yourself might have never crossed your mind. I am sure we never reward ourselves enough. Most of us are working hard to build a home, fulfill dreams, and work harder for survival. I can count the number of holidays; I have taken for myself. At 31, people assume I enjoy living away from my parents. Seriously, I am not even close to celebrating my success.
My plans were dependent on my friends and a few other people. I never could gather the courage to take a flight and celebrate my birthday in a hotel room watching the moonlit sky. I am not romanticizing singlehood. I am trying to live for every second that I have left. From where we belong, marriage changes aspects of life. I may not land in a family that supports solo traveling. I may not land in a place where my partner would be a travel freak. Women tend to live all their dreams before their marriage. The majority of women don’t land up in the place they deserve to be. It’s a domino effect prevailing in society for women, not all. People quoted many times in the past year that I am not Aishwarya Rai Bachchan. I wanted to turn back and reply, but I surpassed that comment. Today, when we are approaching the end of the year, I want to party in their faces. I want to gift myself a lavish holiday for all jaws to drop. But, I’ve been at the mercy of my bank account. Though, I hope I can make some extravagant purchases, burning a hole in my pocket. I hope I reward myself one fine day.

Choose yourself

I have missed Bangalore for the vibe it brings to my life. Even though I stay alone in a flat, I never feel lonely around myself. I have realized that we can say “NO” to any situation. Recently, one of my friends asked me to visit her place where she stays with her boyfriend. In Bangalore, everyone plans their travel, gauze the distance, traffic, and taxi fares. I think I made a wiser decision of enjoying my Sunday alone rather than spending two hours in traffic. Maybe I sound a bit selfish here. Though I strongly feel that you should make efforts for people who have reciprocated the same. People also turn pushy when they play their friendship cards to persuade your decisions. I have returned to Bangalore after two years almost. Last Sunday, I was busy cleaning my house, decluttering, ordering groceries, and adjusting my sleeping hours in a new environment. I think I deserve a Sunday to myself. My friend offered me to stay at her place. But I wasn’t comfortable staying over for two reasons. One reason is, I haven’t known her boyfriend well enough to walk around in my pajamas. The second reason is not all beds bring the vibes of home. I have stayed at my friends’ places, but I have known them for 6-7 years. I know I can walk around in my shorts, and no one would stare at my ass. I have got great friends with whom I have been sick and crazy.
However, I felt great about myself this time; I chose myself over any party or social event. I have gone miles for friendships, yet people have turned out strangers. So, I feel I made the right choice by choosing my Sunday watching Netflix in my blanket all day.

I also promised this friend that I will catch up next week.

Write away

Do you wish to write a letter to yourself? I wrote a letter recently to myself. I have been disappointed in myself for so many years to please people around me. When I look back at my journey, I want to accept my mistakes. I want to apologize to people whom I hurt. I want to help myself calm down. With the pandemic, I have realized you can celebrate inside four walls with people who love you. It’s not necessary to call up the village for your party. We haven’t adjusted to the fact that we are still living in the pandemic. We have made coronavirus stay like our relatives, who are always ready to bring you down. But we are still living in a toxic relationship. We have made our peace with the prevailing health concerns. We are busy dancing at weddings and throwing our masks into the back seat.
I have returned to my work location, and everything seems normal here. There are queues outside pubs, where people are decked up to drink away. The crowd flocks the tea stall, and everyone is busy lighting a cigarette. We haven’t learned much from the pandemic. Well, try writing yourself a letter this year-end. Maybe you will understand the worth of your life. Some day you will gather the courage to apologize and attain closure for your guilts. I bet when you open the letter five years later; you will be wiser and kinder in life.

Don’t be Rachel

December always brings us into the holiday mood. Our clients head out for vacation, leaving behind amplified work for us. I want to switch off my laptop and relax for a bit. I want to sleep peacefully without thinking about the Professor. I want to stop feeling guilty about the vast TBR pile staring at me. Can we ever hit a pause button for December? As we head to the new year, we wish to unload the burden of work. I would make an effort to work less in December and relax ahead. For me, the new year passes by, and my birthday arrives. In two weeks, the zeal of the new year and birthday ends together. Every year I wanted to do something unique for myself. But I fail terribly in choosing myself over other plans. This year, my zeal to celebrate my birthday has subsided early. One of my colleagues cum friends has applied for leave on my birthday. Of course, I can take a day off for my birthday. But it would prevail in the air that both of us took leave on the same day. Well, in short, he has stolen my thunder. I fail to understand people around me.
I hope to watch all the Christmas movies before my birthday. Netflix is my current solace. What’s yours?

Back to square one

The past few days have been a rollercoaster ride. I didn’t have the energy to blog for a couple of days. I have been busier ever since I moved to my work location after a long break. As I have moved here after a long gap, I have a lot of meetings to do with friends. During the pandemic, I have missed being around friends. Everyone has evolved with time, changed their relationship statuses, and remained supportive of my singlehood. As most of my friends are couples, I began to feel hesitant visiting them. I get questions about marriage and advice on dating. Honestly, I am struggling to get married or even go on a date with someone.
Recently, I met one of my closest friends who has been in a committed relationship for a while now. We discussed my thoughts on an eligible bachelor. I loved the interaction we had with him and his babe. I don’t know what life has on its card for me. But, I want to trust the process of this universe and continue working on myself. Everything else apart, I am so glad to return to the work location. The sad part about this return is adulting. I hate shopping for household items. I hope we find the strength together to deal with adulting and meet my crazy friends.

Emotional turmoil

Departures are always emotional. We are heading towards an era where emotional outburst is normal. Every person is entitled to show their emotions in the form of concern, anger, or tears. Did you often hear the men don’t cry? Or don’t cry like a girl? I have seen my father emerge stronger during hard times. I remember all the occasions when he had teary eyes. I remember him shed a tear for my brother living in the United States. It was the first time when one of our family members decided to cross all the seven oceans. I remember my father was stunned at the news of his sister’s demise. He might never admit it, but she was his favorite sister. I saw him wipe out his tears during the welcome ceremony of our home. Today, I saw him cry again. He was trying hard to control his tears. But a daughter senses the emotional outburst in her father’s heart. I traveled to another state today for work. Someday I had to return to my base location, though it got sad back home. My heart is full of the biggest news of our lives. Yet, my parents shed a happy and sad tear together.
These two years have been a rollercoaster ride for everyone. People lost their families and livelihood. I hope everyone finds a reason to live through the year. I know it has gotten tougher with mutations of COVID-19. I wish we all sail through the hard times.

Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam

I hail from Jamshedpur, which has made a presence on the world map. All thanks to the business tycoons, industrialists, celebrities hailing from the region. Life here is slower than in a metropolitan city, but the city has evolved with time. We take immense pride when asked about our native. Most of us moved out of the city for livelihood and landed in various parts of India. We missed the city during Founder’s Day. We haven’t forgotten our roots.
A fact that disheartened me is we forgot our friends who still reside here. Today, I met my kindergarten friends after a long time. I could relate to the stories where people from metro cities treated them as backdated. In our school, we were taught about the Sanskrit phrase Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam – “the world is one family.” Many of us forgot the teachings and learned new ways of living. I cannot change everyone’s thought process but I can make a difference by treating my old friends in a better way.

Sadly people in metros think Jamshedpurians aren’t cool enough. I just want to say out loud – “We will always be way cooler than your assumptions.”

Sigh of relief

I want to avoid storyboarding and head to the emotional outburst inside me. I have experienced all kinds of emotions in the past few months. But when I saw the puja nearing its completion, I couldn’t hold my tears. My tears of happiness. My tears of proudness. My tears of accomplishment.

New chapter of our lives

It was just a hectic day marking the beginning of our new chapter. The day started with the smell of marigold. One of the most beautiful thing happened today. Suddenly a butterfly landed on my father’s shoulder. She wasn’t afraid. She walked into our home together. Yesterday I wrote a blog about my grandparents. The presence of that butterfly marked presence of our ancestors. keeping it short

Skip to the good news

I would like to apologise for the typos and grammatical mistakes about to occur in this blog. I want to continue my blog for the seventh consecutive day and hence I am using the WordPress application today. I have been very busy today with the ongoing preparation for the function tomorrow. My parents are stressed as it’s our first event where none of my grandparents would be available. When my maternal grandparents were alive, we were showered with immense love. Now at the junction of life where we have managed to step into a new phase, they are not there with us. More importantly I miss their presence of mind to get dresses for every occasion. My parents never cared out our clothes for any occasion. But this function, it feels we are on our own. I know it’s time to be happy and joyful. Adding to my happiness, I would like to thank my stars for awesome friends who care to text about the function. I am glad to pull up a great occasion of my housewarming party. Send us your blessings and warm wishes.