Raina Ash's Blog: Slowly Taking Over the World - Posts Tagged "ocd"

The blog title? True story.

And it inspired my next release, Love & Panic.

About two years ago, I started having trouble with panic attacks. I've been prone to bouts of anxiety since I was a kid, but panic attacks were new (thanks pandemic!). And they were happening at night, jolting me about an hour after I fell asleep.

When they first started, most nights I would fall asleep only to suddenly waking in terror with my body and brain screaming, "YOU'RE DYING YOU'RE DYING YOU'RE DYING!"

And I'd say, "I am?? OMG what am I dying from?"

"DOESN'T MATTER! YOU'RE GOING TO STOP BREATHING IN A MOMENT BECAUSE YOU ARE DYING. TOTALLY SERIOUS ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW. SAY YOUR GOODBYES AND PREPARE YOURSELF."

During the following ten to twenty minutes of terror, while I tried to rationalize with myself that I probably wasn't dying (as my brain VERY CLEARLY insisted that I was), my heart would pound and I'd shake and experience a plethora of other unpleasant sensations I'd never wish on anyone.

One night, it lasted too long.

If you don't know about the mechanics of a panic attack, it's essentially an adrenaline dump, so they only last as long as it takes for your body to burn off the adrenaline (about twenty minutes or less). But, they can happen one after the other. As one ends, another can follow, making it feel like one long panic attack that lasts hours.

After experiencing an elevated heart rate for a few hours and the usual "YOU'RE DYING" alarm in my mind, I caved and asked my boyfriend to call 9-1-1.

Four nicely toned and very appealing firefighters clomped into my bedroom.

Now, I've seen firefighters before, and most people agree that firefighters are hot (so it wasn't unexpected), but that didn't stop me from gawking and stumbling over my name even as I was in the throes of panic, glancing at my boyfriend and feeling guilty.

They were all very friendly and spent time monitoring me until my heart was back to normal. When I was embarrassed about calling them and apologized, they even smiled and said they were happy it wasn't something serious.

After they left, and my boyfriend and I got settled in bed, he turned to me with a blank expression. "So...those guys were attractive, huh?"

"What?" I said. "Oh, hah, no. I don't..." Silly me blushed and I may have half-giggled. Why hot firefighters have that effect, who knows, but my boyfriend saw right through me.

He frowned. "It's fine. They were attractive. Maybe there's a story there."

Hmm...a story, huh?

And that's how Love & Panic was born. It's a story about a woman, Natalie, with panic attacks and OCD who has spent the past three years in her apartment afraid to go outside. Yes, there's a hot firefighter she crushes on, but there's also Dean, a grumpy doctor struggling to move on from his broken family.

Dean gets drunk one night and passes out in the snow below Natalie's apartment building. She watches it all through her window. The bus is about to come and if she doesn't get down there in time despite her crippling fear of the outside...

Well, I can't give too much away!

But here's what to expect with Love & Panic:
❤️ A grumpy grump doctor and his sunny sunshine
❤️ Hot firefighters
❤️ Hilarious banter
❤️ Snowball fights
❤️ Slow-burn romance with heat
❤️ Realistic ND character
❤️ Book where the female MC discovers herself
❤️ Themes of healing and forgiveness
❤️ Complex, emotional, and uplifting plot
❤️ Dreamy HEA

Check it out: Love & Panic: A Grumpy Sunshine Slow Burn Romance