Rachel Barenblat's Blog, page 118

#blogElul 17: Awaken

You are the shofar
calling me to rise
from my slumber.

You are the voice
of my beloved
knocking at my heart.

You are love
washing over me
like bright moonlight.

You are melody
expanding my chest
with healing tears.

You are summer dawn,
the morning I crave
all winter long.

I want you
to wake me up.
Don't ever stop.

Related: Your voice knocks.

I'm participating again this year in #blogElul, an internet-wide carnival of themed posts aimed at waking the heart and soul before the Days of Awe. (Organized by Ima Bima.) Read #blogElul posts via the Elul tag; last year's posts are now available in print and e-book form as See Me: Elul poems.

Three moments of Shabbat morning gratitude

1.

We have set up a circle of chairs behind the synagogue, surrounded by mountains and wetland and field. At the beginning of morning prayer the air is chill, but by the time we reach the bar'chu, the formal call to prayer, some of our folks have scooted their chairs into the patch of shade beside the small cement wall. When they turn east, they turn to face the wall -- and suddenly our little cement wall becomes the Kotel, the Western Wall, in Jerusalem. (It even has little finger-sized holes in it where one could place kvitlach, petitionary prayers!) I will never see that wall the same way again.

 

2.

During the Amidah, the standing prayer which is central to every Jewish service, there is a place (called the Kedusha) where the prayer calls us to imitate the choirs of angels singing "Holy, holy, holy." There is a custom of rising on our tiptoes with every repetition of the word kadosh, holy. As I am singing the Kedusha, a wee plane begins to take off from the tiny North Adams airport in the meadow behind the shul, rising into the sky precisely as we are lifting up onto our tiptoes. It is as though the plane is an angel, being buoyed by our prayers. It is as though we are angels, singing praise up into the sky.

 

3.

We sing Mi Chamocha -- the prayer which our ancestors sang after crossing the Sea of Reeds -- to the melody of "The Water Is Wide," and we intersperse the Hebrew with the words of that folk song. This is a tradition which Rabbi David brings from his synagogue on City Island, and it has become my favorite way to sing that prayer, especially when we're together and can sing it in harmony. The water is wide; I cannot get o'er. But when I know that God is with me -- when I know that I am loved by an unending love -- then whatever comes, whatever life brings, I know I won't have to cross the waters alone.

 

#blogElul 16: Pray

Sometimes I manage
formal conversation,
a love letter morning
and evening and afternoon

but most of the time
I rely on the chat window
open between us all day.
I tell you everything.

This month you are near.
Walk with me in the fields.
I want to take your hand
and not let go.

I'm participating again this year in #blogElul, an internet-wide carnival of themed posts aimed at waking the heart and soul before the Days of Awe. (Organized by Ima Bima.) Read #blogElul posts via the Elul tag; last year's posts are now available in print and e-book form as See Me: Elul poems.

#blogElul 15: Change

You remind me
not to fear change.

Change is like breathing:
without it, death

(itself a change
I can't yet understand.)

You remind me
what stays the same:

roots to ground me,
hope to uplift me,

my tender heart,
my love for you.

I'm participating again this year in #blogElul, an internet-wide carnival of themed posts aimed at waking the heart and soul before the Days of Awe. (Organized by Ima Bima.) Read #blogElul posts via the Elul tag; last year's posts are now available in print and e-book form as See Me: Elul poems.

#blogElul 14: Learn

What I'm here to learn:
that it's okay
to take up space
with my ungainly heart.

That I can love
what I love
and you will never
roll your eyes.

That I deserve
a place at the table
and my mistakes
won't exile me.

That when you promised
love that transcends
all space and time,
you meant it.

I'm participating again this year in #blogElul, an internet-wide carnival of themed posts aimed at waking the heart and soul before the Days of Awe. (Organized by Ima Bima.) Read #blogElul posts via the Elul tag; last year's posts are now available in print and e-book form as See Me: Elul poems.

Article about my rabbinic school

There's a lovely article by Rachel Kurland about the ALEPH Ordination Programs in the Jewish Exponent this week. Here's how it begins:

California students call in at breakfast. East Coast students sign on during lunch. European students check in at dinner. Israeli students log in at night. Some even chat at 2:30 in the morning.
 
The ALEPH Ordination Program is not like any other rabbinical school or seminary. The program teaches people from all over the country and the world. And this year, the school will be teaching more students than ever...

Here's the part of the article which resonated most for me -- these are quotations from the dean of the program, Rabbi Marcia Prager:

 Rather than just living with what Prager called “a schmear of Judaism,” Jewish Renewal embraces all aspects of Jewish expression for the body, mind, spirit and soul. 
 
“For me personally, Jewish Renewal as an approach to Jewish life has offered us a way to blend tradition and innovation, to bring artistry, creativity, engagement, joy, passion, embodiment, to all the forms of Jewish expression that make up Jewish life,” she said. 
 
According to Prager, this incoming class is comprised of a generation of students who are passionate about learning and committed to making a contribution to the world for the future of Jewish legacy, and students are attracted to what she called the “heart-centered” learning style of the program. 
 
She added that students must not only be masters of text but of heart and soul, which is why they choose to study with ALEPH.

Read it here: ALEPH Ordination Programs Welcomes Largest Incoming Class.

(And if that interests you, you might also enjoy a post I wrote last year: What was the ALEPH rabbinic program like?)

#blogElul 13: Remember

when I close my eyes
and when I open them again

when I'm sitting at home
and when I'm out and about

(I know I'm not supposed
to text and drive

but I send you notes anyway
full of emoji hearts)

I find excuses to mention you
because saying your name makes me smile

you shape what my hands do
and how I see the world

at every threshold
I remember your name

This poem riffs off of the prayer called the V'ahavta.

I'm participating again this year in #blogElul, an internet-wide carnival of themed posts aimed at waking the heart and soul before the Days of Awe. (Organized by Ima Bima.) Read #blogElul posts via the Elul tag; last year's posts are now available in print and e-book form as See Me: Elul poems.

#blogElul 12: Forgive

Always already
you've forgiven me.

I failed you.
I turned away.

I convinced myself
I didn't need you.

I made myself forget
how much sweeter

everything is
with you in it.

I was afraid
I wasn't enough.

And when I woke up
to how I need you

how I'm a better me
when I'm with you

there was no room
for shame between us.

No recrimination.
Only love.

The liturgy of Yom Kippur begins with a prayer called Kol Nidre, "All the Vows," and at the end of that prayer we sing three times Vayomer Adonai, salachti kidvarecha -- "And God said: I have forgiven you, as you have asked."

I'm participating again this year in #blogElul, an internet-wide carnival of themed posts aimed at waking the heart and soul before the Days of Awe. (Organized by Ima Bima.) Read #blogElul posts via the Elul tag; last year's posts are now available in print and e-book form as See Me: Elul poems.

#blogElul 11: Trust

That you love me
without reservation.

That nothing I feel
could alienate you.

That you don't want me
to be someone I'm not.

That if I went
to the ends of the earth

you'd be there too
holding me in your heart.

That if I fall
you would catch me.

That in your embrace
I am safe.

I'm participating again this year in #blogElul, an internet-wide carnival of themed posts aimed at waking the heart and soul before the Days of Awe. (Organized by Ima Bima.) Read #blogElul posts via the Elul tag; last year's posts are now available in print and e-book form as See Me: Elul poems.

#blogElul 10: Count

Times when
my wrenching fear
of disappointing you

made me close off
our connection --
I remember every one.

Times when
you've been as close to me
as my own heart,

when I've been
suffused with gratitude
all day long

because of
the mere fact of you --
too many to count.

 

I'm participating again this year in #blogElul, an internet-wide carnival of themed posts aimed at waking the heart and soul before the Days of Awe. (Organized by Ima Bima.) Read #blogElul posts via the Elul tag; last year's posts are now available in print and e-book form as See Me: Elul poems.