Sara Ellie MacKenzie's Blog, page 15

#BehindTheScenes 29 - Personal Philosophy

I cannot believe that it is March already. I am still wondering where the year has gone already. With spring coming, I've had to rethink things. One of them is part of this edition of #BehindTheScenes. It is about my personal philosophy.

I used to tell people that I will respect you if you respect me, no matter what. At this point, in my mid-thirties, it goes deeper than that. There is the kindness, empathy and compassion you show to others. It is seeing their plights and not feeling threatened. It is standing with those same people and saying that the treatment they are receiving is wrong.

In this world we live in, we all have different philosophies and experiences. I am not here to pick them apart or tell what is right or wrong. As long as there is no hatred or oppression, that door should always be open. As many religions have stated, we must be kind to others, in the same way we are kind to ourselves. Love thy neighbor.

There is a bumper sticker that I remember my father had on his VW, when I was little: "Nobody is free when others are oppressed." I asked him what it meant. He told me that we might have the freedom to do this and that, but there is always somebody else who does not. We are supposed to live in harmony and unity, by just laws, and the world continues to live under corruption.

This was in the 1990's. The Cold War had ended less than a decade ago. We were beginning to open our eyes to the plight of those who screamed in the previous decades. Only, we were beginning to grow in acceptance.

Nobody is free when others are oppressed.

Remember that when someone claims to be taking something away...and you still have it while others do not.

Namaste, everyone! Have a great week!

#WeDontNeedToSayThis #YesYouMatter #StandWithTheLost #MindYourWords #NobodyIsFreeWhenOthersAreOppressed

It's a Tough Day...

I was outside shoveling my driveway, earlier. I am still sore as I type this, and it is going to take me a while. If you are asking, "Well, where is your husband?" He's at work. He has to take the bus to work now and had to wake up early to catch it. We no longer have a vehicle, nor do we have the funds or credit to get another.

This is what brings me to this blog post...

Today is tough. It reminds me of how lonely my husband and I are, how we sit on top of a tall mountain. It truly is me and my husband here. I can hear the next question: "Well, what about your family and friends?"

All of those questions force me to crawl more into my shell. I've never been big on telling people my whole story. It is a long one, to be honest. I also do not feel like I should have to explain myself to every Tom, Dick, and Harry out there. Those I have proved to me that I have poor choices in with boundaries and who I talk to. It is overwhelming.

So, I am explaining my post, boundaries down. Do you truly know how it feels? Because I am going to go over this story. You might not be sympathetic. You might not care. But when you begin to assign accountability to your hardships, even your faults, then you see a picture. You hold onto mantras that are the opposite and are truths at the same time. Trauma has a way of doing that.

Do I know how it feels to legitimize self-employment? Yes, I do. My family believes that I sit all day and do nothing. I've been called lazy. I've been told that I was faking being chronically ill too. I was called an over-glorified housewife the other week. I snapped, but not before said relation picked apart my paraphrasing and redirected the conversation, to avoid accountability. It is not just them either. When I apply for services, speak with others, any situation - I have to explain why I am technically employed.

I am going to be honest: I have been paid less than $400 in the years I've been a professional author (and I hit the four-year mark in October). It does not make me any less of an author. I am an author without money, audience, and more. But it literally proves a point to my family. They do not support my decision to be self-employed and state that it brings nothing. Yet, without that foundation and the imposter state being imposed, I cannot kick-start my marketing and make this a profitable profession.

And yes, I was told self-employment was a phase by the same people! It was made clear to me was this was a rich man's game and that my life was supposed to be spent making money at whatever place I could get a paycheck from. Yes, that is admirable. I've done it for years. But it left me unhappy and sick. Avenues were used to take me out of the situation, but even the professionals could not find a way through.

Here's something else you might not have thought of...

My son is autistic. When you are a special needs parent, it is tough and lonely. Your own family does not understand what it is like because they don't think there is anything wrong with your child. Growing up being told there was nothing wrong with you was another factor they'll point out. All of this is new to them. The world is changing so fast that they do not want to keep up anymore...and that is a shame. I feel the same way, but I try to learn about new cultures, pronouns, and viewpoints.

Let's go back to support. As a reminder: my last event was at the Preston Fire Department. Despite telling everyone weeks before and posting it on social media, nobody showed up and nobody shared any of the marketing posts. I received no sales and many people tossed my flyers out or got bored after a few minutes and kept interrupting. I had a few people complain or express awe over what I did. And no, my husband could not show, because it was not a place for our special needs child, and we have no babysitter.

Think about that. Take all the time you need.

So, put this next scenario together: you want to be an author and have no friends or family helping out. You turn to traditional marketing practices. I know that feeling - I have used agencies, bookstores, and more, to market myself. Some of them turned on me, cheated me on consignment, or outright told me that I was a liar. Others tried and nothing came of it. None of them could believe that I knew people who did not have the decency to spread word of my books. All of them thought they could run me over and tell me that I am seeing things, or that I am not doing enough.

They are all wrong.

Don't get me wrong. I am thankful for everyone who has helped me and kept the door open. It allowed me to do the same for the next author. But every victory is mine and mine alone. Whatever you see is all me. Nobody writes this blog, comes up with the ideas, or even does the social media...except for me. All of this work, 24/7 practically, is on me.

Special needs child. Veteran husband. No steady support. Community rejection. No reasonable income.

Go ahead. Judge us. Then, check the skeletons in your closet.

Don't think I am pointing the finger. I am the daughter of a narcissist. I have a lot to learn about life and how to communicate, treat people, and ask for help. I was stuck in a perpetual cycle of listening to someone who is supposedly helping me until I see they are not. The world is never always about me.

I welcome constructive criticism about it, which is why I allow civil comments. I am an analyzer and love to think. It has gotten me into trouble many times and shaped who I am, but it generally has been seen as pushy (whichever end you are on). But nitpicking at every little detail, downplaying everything, and dictating to me the perfect image of an author is wrong. Everybody deserves improvement. Nobody deserves to be talked down to.

There is no set image to being an author. Everybody is different. Every experience is an adventure. We cannot judge, admire, or be jealous of each other. This is a professional art with individual images. We uplift, not compare.

We are flesh and blood beings. We have feelings and get excited when people interact on our social media, review a book, anything! We also love communicating with our readers. When you promise something, like writing a review or sharing posts, we expect it to be done.

I've been promised a lot. There is a fine line between nagging and reminding, though. I know that I cross that line often. I was never taught proper boundaries. However, once I began making them, I always questioned if they were right, or if I came across too strongly. Sometimes, I was. Other times, I was not...and people are intimidated by this. They do not like being confronted.

I have given out a LOT of free books. This is at a huge cost to me. I ask people to leave a review on the appropriate websites. I've explained how important it was to me. They were thankful for the freebie, but never for the work in return. When I mention it, they are automatically defensive. Even friends who read my books do not bother. I used to remind them once every few months. Now, I am not bothering.

So, I thought I was part of the problem. It was my attitude, my image, anything! I had to be more professional. I decided to develop the CT Authors Partnership as a solution (which I am still dedicated to). I wanted to help other authors with these same issues, meet the socio-economic needs, and return to my community. I had two events lined up and a list of authors who said they were interested. But nobody wanted to answer me until I really pushed.

My trauma and a lot of current events have me anxious. Ever since I was a child, I always wondered if I was worth it. Did I do enough? Is the proof I gave enough? Am I truly making the right choices? Did I make my plans too hastily, knowing that nobody around was going to support me? That I will always be questioned, judged, and even ridiculed?

It is a difficult thing, being on your own and being an author. I said I was never going to give up. I mean it. But holding onto all of this is heavy. You don't need to carry it too...

Today is a tough day. Here's the flip side, though. I have many wishes for the world. I hope you never have to feel like I do, questioning your worth and wondering if you did right. I hope you never have to defend yourself, time and again, because the people in your corner bailed on you. I hope you are given the love and compassion you need, even when times are rough.

I never want you to forget the plight of authors. Feelings pass. Dreams do not. Don't take it away.

Namaste!

#MyBoundaries #IAmTired #IAmCallingYouAllOut #NarcissisticAbuse #WowIAmToxicToo #TryingToBeBetter #LettingYouKnow #NoSupport #IMeanIt #ToughDay #TryAgainTomorrow

#FindOutFriday Answers 5

Is it Friday already? Wow. Welcome back, everyone! Here are the answers from #TriviaTuesday. Did you guess any of the #FindOutFriday questions? Comment below!

Child Marriages - The character of Miranda is married off at the age of twelve, the youngest a woman can be to be with a husband and have children. In many countries, and even in the US, child marriages are legal and some of the children are no more than ten years old. King George IV of England - While many might think that the character of James Howe was based off of Henry VIII, I used another English King as inspiration. George VI married illegally to a Catholic and then his cousin and was described as a glutton and a drunk, much like James was portrayed. Escaping - The concept of shipping people to safety is not new. I based Miranda's system loosely on the Resistance that sprung in France during World War II, where they fought different fronts of the same war. David Ricco - An historical character, who served in the court of Mary, Queen of Scots, in the sixteenth century. His murder by a hostile court faction was the basis of Father Thompson's, although Riccio did not lose his head!

Until next week, everyone...namaste! Have a great day!

#BasedOnATrueStory #PagesOfHistory #EnglishHistory #WorldWarII #SocialIssues #ChildMarriages #ChildMothers #EscapeFromOppression #AgeOfQueens

#BehindTheScenes 28 - Musical Inspiration

Hey, everyone! It's another #BehindTheScenes and we're delving into some of my musical inspiration. I will not say they are favorites, because I do not have any. These bands are what have inspired me, made me dance, made me think, and celebrated and cried with me during the highs and lows of my life. This is not a complete list, though. Look for more in later editions!

Mozart - Even though the movie Amadeus fictionized his life and how he died, his music fascinated me more and became part of my earliest memories (happy ones). His short life, his childishness and charm, and the genius floor me still because of how long he was writing music and who he met. The times Mozart lived were extraordinary and changing too, from enlightenment to revolution. John Williams - Even though he is a composer and conductor, John Williams has contributed to endless soundtracks to our favorite movies. His professionalism and skill in the art speak for itself and I don't need to go over his resume. Listening to the wordless music he composed is reliving memories of all kinds and that is a gift. Red Hot Chili Peppers - You've all seen it on many of my social media posts and this one is not just because their music has endured for over forty years. The RHCP has represented (to me anyway) the ability to be themselves and speak of taboo topics like they are normal. I can relate to most of their music, from funk, rap and rock, and understand that I am truly not alone. The Staples Singers - When I was young, I remember watched The Last Waltz and seeing the Staples Singers being featured in the song "The Weight" and it got me curious. Luckily, my father loved the Staples Singers and introduced me to their bluesy gospel. The courage of the Staples family and how they worked their way through not only R&B, gospel and soul, but also civil rights, brought tears to my eyes. Stevie Nicks - Through her solo work and in Fleetwood Mac, Stevie Nicks taught me many things, including worth and strength. It is not her music that has brought me to the happiest and lowest times of my life, though. It is her innovation and compassion that taught me lessons about love, loss and even drugs.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. Namaste!

#Music #Inspiration #NotTooPersonal #NoFavorites #MoreToCome #PartOne #TellMeMore

#FindOutFriday Answers 4

Yay, it's #FindOutFriday again! It's the fourth edition. and we're back with the answers. Did you get any of the answers correct? Find out before, and comment! I love to hear your perspective.

Sahara Desert - Yes, you guessed it, the Deef Desert was based on this landmark, including it being the largest known desert in the world Klenard sits in. I used its vastness and ability to hide people as the subplot for Through the Meadow and the world war. Pilgrimages - The Sacred Ruins of Tommel were mentioned a few times in the first two books alone, usually in reference to nobles or visiting. The concept of the Sacred Ruins was based on the many journeys early Christians took, praying by relics, shrines and churches. Women's Rights - It is not a new theme in the series, but it is one I have to point out. Throughout the third volume, Through the Meadow, the character of Miranda references what women want constantly, and it points to the struggles women faced over the centuries. Adultery - Throughout the first three books, cheating has been mentioned, most of all it being a major sin. Thinking between King Gerald and Miranda, there was a double standard between men and women and it's reflected throughout history (I mean, who is more vilified, etc.).

I hope everyone has a relaxing weekend. Namaste!

#PersonPlaceThingIdea #EarlyChristianity #WomensMarch #AllOfOurRights #YouHaveNoIdea #BeingToldNo #MyBodyMyRules

#BehindTheScenes 27 - Success

It's the middle of February already? Time is passing us by quickly this year. AND, we are back to another #BehindTheScenes Thursday, and today I am going to head a discussion about success. What does it truly mean? What do I believe is success?

Success is defined as the end result of work and what the material wealth, prestige and accomplishments a person obtains. Usually, it's associated with dreams, a lot of money, or maybe awards. We do not look at through the lens of failure, but the ultimate happy ending. All problems solved, poof!

It is not always defined like that. What some do not consider is that success could be quitting or taking another route. It's making the choice to change and pushing forth, no matter what, to make sure it stays that way. It's actively setting small goals for yourself to achieve the large step.

I know someone who walked away from her violent marriage. Another is an empathetic case worker. A third cannot be herself/their self because of where she/they live. Each person is under a different situation, yet they had the strength to take it one step, one breath, at a time. There are victories there, all the time, and some of them involve walking away and quitting.

Sometimes, you are overwhelmed by everything that needs your attention NOW! You get sucked into a cycle that does not include your self-care and glorifies the overworked, average person. When you need help, you are criticized and mocked. You are shamed and put into a category. You are not treated the same either.

I've been there too.

Keep your head up. Just because everyone else hates your choices, does not mean you are a failure. Society has set standards and some of them are wrong. Do not be afraid to smash them apart. Do not stop until the better, authentic you is here.

Wouldn't you call of that a happy ending, though? Isn't this what success should be about - getting away from the traditional successes of life and living in what makes us happy? What if we just stopped to do something we love, even for a little while...?

Namaste, everyone. Have a great day!

#SuccessAndFailure #DecisionsDecisions #TraumaSurvivor #YouCannotJustWalkAway #OneStepAtATime #DontLoseHeart #LoveMom

#FindOutFriday Answers 3

Hi, everyone! We're back to #FindOutFriday. Here are the answers from #TriviaTuesday. Did you guess any of them correctly? Let me know in the comments!

The Vatican - Mother Church was loosely based on the papal state in Italy and how they controlled the European powers in previous centuries. While I made the control somewhat deeper, the sentiment of total obedience, excommunication, etc., are based around the Vatican. King Henry VI of England - Some of the characters of Prince Charles of Lopet are based on the weak King of England. While the two shared few similarities, the passive nature and the inquisitiveness and having an only son to inherit are the few they do. Margaret of Anjou - Yes, I used the wife of Henry VI too, and pasted some of her strength in Jayne and Nora Brutrose. While the elder sister faced civil war and invasion like Queen Margaret, the younger sister brought in foreign forces to claim victory. French Fashion - If you have not noticed, the map of Pithea in Through the Meadow is shaped like a shoe, and one with a high heel. Initially, it was unintentional...until I realized that I was previously reviewing 17th century French fashion and one of them was that same shoe.

There are more goodies where this came from! Keep coming for more, and watch out for more #TriviaTuesday editions. Until next week, namaste!

#ThreesCompany #ThirdEdition #HistoryInTheMaking #WarsOfTheRoses #Versailles #FrenchMonarchy #Inheritance #ProtectWhatsYours

#BehindTheScenes 26 - Little Pleasures

It's the middle of February and all of us up here are longing for spring. We are almost there! So, for this Thursday's #BehindTheScenes I decided to think about the little things that make me happy. And no, you will not find this anywhere else on the internet.

1. I love walking on the beach, especially when it's warm enough to be barefoot. The feeling of water and sand is really relaxing. Up here, the Sound has rocky sand and it takes time to get to when you have no shoes on.

2. One of the things I treasure the most is a book my father gave me, Chronicle of the Twentieth Century, It only goes to 1987 and I never found any updated editions. The memories of that book are endlessly joyful.

3. Relaxing with a cheesy puzzle computer game is always precious as a mom. Calvin is older and I do not need to check on him as often. Sometimes, I can spend half an hour to myself, playing games like I am in 1996.

4. I feel glad that I do not have to listen to the radio all day to tape the song I REALLY want. There is YouTube and, when I have the money, I get albums. There's always something exciting to listen to!

5. I am forever learning. I make mistakes. Everybody does. So why make it a pleasure of life? Well, because I get to understand the lesson (hopefully) and grow. Trauma survivors revel in their victories.'

What are yours? Can you relate to any of the ones I mentioned?

#SummerSunshine #WishingForTheBeach #BookWorm #BookDrunkard #MissingDad #HistoryNerd #MomTime #YouTube #LoudMusic #GrowGrowGrow

#FindOutFriday Answers 2

Hey, everyone! Welcome back to #FindOutFriday. The answers to last Tuesday's trivia are here! So...

Henry VIII - King Gerald of Klenard was loosely based on the infamous King of England, although I used his Great Matter as a springboard. The main objective of the latter part of his reign - the quest for a son - dominated Gerald's life to the end, except for one little agreement... Burnings - Women were often characterized as demons and were, more often than not, named as witches and burnt. The burnings of women throughout the series was often based on the numerous witch hunts from the seventeenth century onward. Lesbos - The island in Greece has been named the root of the word lesbian and was supposedly home to the poetess Sappho. It was also the inspiration for Stepnick and the concept of it being a refuge for unusual women and those who sought peace until death. War of the Roses - The laws of kingly inheritance between Klenard and Tommel were loosely based on the sporadic English civil war. While England did not have a second kingdom it used for a second son, it still held onto pieces of land and named family members in charge, which did cause a civil war of sorts.

That's it! Until next week...namaste!

#TudorHistory #WomensHistory #Witches #GreekIslands #VacationTime #CousinsWar #EnglishKingsAndQueens #Sappho

#BehindTheScenes 25 - Marketing Myself

No, it is not about the Stock Market. It's about presenting myself. On this Thursday #BehindTheScenes, I am going to discuss what a lot of self-published authors do about marketing. It is a long, long road...

I always said, when I came into the literary field, I knew NOTHING. I hoped that word of mouth about my works would get me somewhere. It's supposed to be a base, but it was a shaky foundation. I had to tackle it another way. I had a weapon and it was the internet. I just HAD to learn more!

I grew up in the 90s and 00s. I have a basic understanding of computers, how to fix simple problems, and a little more. My husband worked in the computer field and is trying to catch up now (technology likes to change almost daily and it is amazing!). I had a grasp of what to do for myself: social media, websites, etc. But nothing happened. I waited and waited and continued to post...

On my marketing journey, I met a LOT of nasty people. And I do mean A LOT. While many were kind to offer marketing options, a lot of them lied, cheated and slammed doors in my face. For me, being shy, it was horrible. When you have spent most of your life in trauma, you take it personally and close up more. You are triggered by the sheer amount of rejection.

I probably won't make much of an impression of people because of my shyness. But I never gave up this career. Just because physical money was not coming, I still loved what I was doing. THAT was the lesson. I was not only doing this for my family, but for myself. And that, too, is a journey in self-discovery.

Never doubt your friends' and family's dreams. If I had listened to those who thought they were close to me, I would still be working at the same job, afraid to jump and chasing a carrot.

Namaste!

#ShyGirl #Trauma #NeverGiveUp #YouCanDoThis #StarvingArtist #NoILoveIt #MasterOfArt