Sara Ellie MacKenzie's Blog, page 12

Preface - Picture of Dorian Grey

The artist is the creator of beautiful things. To reveal art and conceal the artist is art’s aim. The critic is he who can translate into another manner or a new material his impression of beautiful things. The highest as the lowest form of criticism is a mode of autobiography. Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault.

Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things are the cultivated. For these there is hope. They are the elect to whom beautiful things mean only Beauty.

There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.

The nineteenth century dislike of Realism is the rage of Caliban seeing his own face in a glass . The nineteenth century dislike of Romanticism is the rage of Caliban not seeing his own face in a glass.

The moral life of man forms part of the subject-matter of the artist, but the morality of art consists in the perfect use of an imperfect medium.

No artist desires to prove anything. Even things that are true can be proved. No artist has ethical sympathies. An ethical sympathy in an artist is an unpardonable mannerism of style. No artist is ever morbid. The artist can express everything. Thought and language are to the artist instruments of an art. Vice and virtue are to the artist materials for an art.

From the point of view of form, the type of all the arts is the art of the musician . From the point of view of feeling, the actor’s craft is the type. All art is at once surface and symbol. Those who go beneath the surface do so at

their peril. Those who read the symbol do so at their peril.

It is the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors. Diversity of opinion about a work of art shows that the work is new, complex, and vital.

When critics disagree, the artist is in accord with himself. We can forgive a man for making a useful thing as long as he does not admire it. The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely.

All art is quite useless.

OSCAR WILDE

Thinking of Life

Whew! Calvin is back in school. This is day 4 for him and I have had no complaints from his teacher and paras. For a kid who does not like change, this is a good thing. I am going to begin Trivia next week, and then #BehindTheScenes. I'll take a break in October for the holidays and pick up in January.

Today, I wanted to share a few things I've been thinking about lately. My mid-thirties have brought some hard truths and, albeit simple sentences, they carry a heavy weight. Some of them are inspired by songs. I hope they help you too.

Form in wet sand.

They are too far gone.

Do not make any major life decisions now.

You can start over as many times as you want.

A person cannot do it all alone.

You can lay in bed, like Brian Wilson did.

Look up at the sky and wonder at the clouds.

The love I make is in the shape of my space.

Don't be guilty about doing the right thing.

It's not about you - don't take it personally.

Live so that when you die, the Reaper cries.

Trauma is not forever, and you CAN learn.

You do not need religion to have morals.

My illness is chronic, but my tits are iconic.

Namaste!

#Wisdom #Thirties #GrowingUp #YouNeverStopLearning #PhasesOfLife #StandUp #IveGotYou

Sometimes, You Never Know

You know, everyone, it's story time. This goes back to my catholic school days. I grew up in the 1990's and early 2000's, so sending a child there was status. My grandfather was part of the church and he paid for the education for myself and my siblings. But that is not the point.

Today, I am remembering someone I had known since 1st grade, Pamela. I still speak with her, mostly on Facebook. While there has not been much to the relationship in the past several years, there is always a yearning to keep each other updated. Send each other love. Show off our kids. Sometimes, life kept throwing us curveballs and seeing each other was not feasible.

A lot of times, I clear out old ideas, and people are part of that. When someone makes it clear that they don't want to interact with me, I part ways. With Pamela, it has never been like that. From high school letters to quick meetings to help move or say hi, we have been trying to keep in touch. When we do not, I know it is not intentional. The love between us is still there.

When you find that special person in your life, who understands the same things you do and can joke about it, you keep that person. With Pamela, we shared not only that catholic school experience, but dysfunctional and extraordinary abuse that defined our strength. We did not deserve it, but we sure are taking it and building a new foundation.

Friendship is not about being nice all the time. It's about love, but of a different kind. It is your outside resource, your support, your toughest critic, everything. You will laugh and cry, scream and ignore. Pamela and I have done enough of that over the years. The latest, I honestly was pushy about. I was desperate to help her and she was actually open to the idea.

Thank God.

Day by day, we navigate this new life. Sometimes, though, I can remember the days she was at another school, or the letters during high school, when she was in an all-girls facility and I was in public school for the 1st time. We had boy interests. Sometimes, the old got very weird...

There are a lot of us out there. We are unloved daughters. This is a club I would never wish on anyone. Remember to be kind. Some people do not go home to love.

Hold onto that person who acts like a parent. The shy person. The quiet 1s. They might be the 1s who needs the help, love and support the most.

Nobody is meant to be an island permanently.

Love you, Pam...

#OldFriends #CatholicSchool #OnAndOffAgain #NewMoms #UnlovedDaughters #HoldOnClosely

I've Earned This

It has almost been four years since "A World So Bright and Dark" was published. I've come a long way from that moment. Trying to figure out how to use the internet to reach people. Social media accounts being opened. Marketing and sales studied (and still are). I did not imagine that I would be here, right now.

Attitudes changed. Running this gig full time. Continuously justifying my nagging about reviews and sharing. Trying to find ways to promote the nonprofit. Being there for other indie authors as much as I can while tending to my own growing needs. My son is going from elementary to middle school, and that is a huge adjustment for a special needs child.

I look at this picture and think: I've earned this. I've come far in that time. And I have more ideas to expand and grow. This industry is getting too old with traditional publishing houses. It's time for something new. It's time for people to look at things a different way. It's time for us to step and to change the system. Know your worth, your inner gifts, and act. If we cannot find a solution, the problem will continue.

CT Authors Partnership is about not only supporting each other as authors, but innovation. We are always looking for new ways to break through that glass ceiling. Because there should not be 1 there, for anyone. And if there is, we should be breaking it and putting our hand out. Everything will heal somehow.

Namaste!

#CTAuthors #IndieAuthors #WorkingHard #IKnowMyWorth #NonProfit #MomAndWife #FourYearsStrong

Lazy Summer Days...

I hope everyone (in the northern hemisphere at least) is enjoying these hot days.

I sure as hell am.

See you all in Bristol on Saturday!

#SummerVacation #LazyDays #SummerReading #Writing #IndieAuthor #OnTheGo

Author Confessions

This is going to be a bit of a confession, so a trigger warning to all because of the mention of abuse. If you are easily upset over mentions of the topic, please do not read.

I am also asking for a judgement free zone. If anyone messages me or comments to berate me, give me suggestions about GoFundMe, etc., please stop right now. Do not read this. Do not tell me you know how I feel unless you have walked in my shoes.

Thank you.

It has been one of those periods, when I feel like being an author is a useless exercise and a career not worth developing. I look around my house, at all of the repairs that need to be done, and get upset with myself. While my son has been provided for, I feel like a failure because I had to ask for help. I am supposed to be responsible for providing for Calvin. Seeing the flooded basement, rusting pipes and broken windows and doors, the feeling hits deeper.

I cannot even go to the store and buy something out of pocket. My husband and I can count on the fingers of our hands the number of times we've gone out alone since 2015. I have helped everybody I could. I mailed laptops and clothes to someone who needed it. Shared every small business or side hustle every friend and family member had. Spent money when I could not afford to, just to support someone's art. Took in three people, only to be taken advantage of while I was working and going to school full time, taking care of my own family and doing 90% of the cooking and cleaning.

That's not it. I am facing a health crises and I am waiting on appointments. I have cut off almost everyone in my life because recently discovered beliefs made me realize that they were bringing me down. A new person came into our lives and I am forever grateful for his presence. As a trauma survivor, I am still learning how to trust people and not push them away, and he is one person I do not want out of my life.

The basic foundation of every writer is their support team - friends, family and other associates. I have told every person I knew that I published (sans my father, who died shortly after the first book was published). I excuse anybody who has a reason why they cannot focus, which is about half the people I know and love (including mental illness, caretaking, etc.). The other half have relayed to me in so many different ways that they do not care.

Silence is an answer.

Making one-off complaints is an answer.

Like any other author, I look for the free ways people can support me, in the hopes that it will get to someone who is interested. Social media posts have been my favorite answer. I've asked everyone I knew to refer my works to other people (I've referred others' books too, if I knew the audience). Word of mouth is another free way authors can get coverage.

I feel like a broken record, a siren, a nagging narcissist even, when I ask for help with this. I have explained time and again the importance of continuous support. People cannot think being an author is a one-and-done deal. In order to have more sales and to reach more people, authors need to continue to write. It is a legitimate career and it is a very difficult one, especially when you do it on your own without someone designing, marketing and editing for you.

A book written is an investment. I have four of them, and all are over three hundred pages long (three of them over seven hundred pages). It is my version of a painting or a record, or a traveling merchant with goods to trade and sell. Not everyone is going to like it. I am totally ok with that. I thrive on bad reviews and those who are not my audience. It tells me there is diversity.

On the other hand, I should not be shamed and abused because I had no support for my career. I went through several marketing resources. None of them could believe that none of my friends and family have the time, energy and empathy to help me. I spent two months being shamed by three different people, all of them telling me that I just was not doing enough to ask, not knowing the emails and phone calls I made, or the times I spoke in person. They would not let me get a word in. Because nobody wants to hear the whole story, not everyone has all the info.

I should not be called a liar or cornered with questions when something does not go as expected. As a survivor of severe abuse, especially narcissistic, I know how to do my job, with the knowledge I have, and know what resources to use when I do not. I know how to research and how to tell "fake news" from one place to another. I never reached a dead end yet.

At the same time, I know that I do not know everything about life. I always said that I wanted to be educated, not belittled, and I appreciate every bit of advice given to me that I have not tried (even if I was not open to it at the time). Very few have opened their souls to me and told me what I was going was wrong (am doing wrong, I should say, because I do not know). Everybody else feels like they are stepping on eggshells with me.

You do not need to. I've been ignored and disregarded for most of my life thus far. You can approach me. You can ask me questions. Just because I have boundaries does not mean I am bad. It means I have respect for myself and for you. Every one of us are entitled to our feelings. It does not mean they are right or wrong.

Yet, despite having less than $5 in my account, no income, and phone calls about past due bills, I am still an author. I am still working on my fifth novel, set to release by June 2024. I am still asking you to share and subscribe. I want you to give me feedback...in a few minutes. I need the time to calm down.

Even authors have tempers and breakdowns. And that is ok. It's only a short pity party anyway.

Namaste!

#Confessions #AuthorRant #AuthorTalking #Respect #Boundaries #SoWhat #CannotJudgeMe

Summer Break!

Wow. This has been a busy summer so far! I have some plans and they all involve my son. He has been my focus. And before anyone asks about camp or daycare...mind your business.

Calvin always comes first in our lives. While making a livelihood is taking care of him, having him home full time brings some of my work to a halt. I thought I could get back to the grind of games and social media. However, an autistic child brings forth a reminder that there is more than one person in this house - and he missed me while he was in school.

There will be some social media posts and updates here. When Calvin goes back to school in September, everything will begin again. Being a nonprofit owner and an author on my own is a lot of work. I need to make time for those who matter the most to me.

If you have never had kids and been unloved growing up, having this opportunity is a dream come true. I cannot thank my husband enough for this great sacrifice. It's a lot of work doing it on my own with no money and nothing coming in. But I know we are going to make it.

Check out the Events page for the next stop. Trinity-on-Main will host another event in the autumn, so keep your ears peeled. I will also be in Bristol next month...

Namaste!

#LocalAuthor #SummerBreak #SpecialNeedsMom #WifeAndMom #NewBritain #TooHot

Welcome - Some Changes

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

Some decisions were made today.

This was difficult, but I have decided to no longer use social media messenger services. If you have a serious business inquiry, you can email me at saramckenzie1982@gmail.com. I will no longer be checking the inboxes. There is also a chat option here on the website or there is the blog. You can make quicker contact that way.

To add, the same applies to the CT Authors Partnership. I will not be taking messages from social media. Please use my email. Any phone calls can be organized later.

Next, it has been decided that the CT Authors Partnership will be more diligent in ensuring that events are running smoother. With that being stated, other than applications, info will be provided on paper on what the arrangements are for the nonprofit and the venue. There appears to have been miscommunications at the previous venue (amongst other interests) and, with the situation being "He said, She said", I do not want to be on the short end again.

I also wanted to make this clear. Because the nonprofit has no office, the address is publicly shown as my home address. Unless you have official business with me or the nonprofit (which I will not usually request), my home is my private space. My life and struggles are like any other person's. Please respect our privacy.

Thank you for understanding.

Now, welcome to the newcomers! I am the self=published author who should have been on the scene thirty years ago. I am Sara Ellie MacKenzie, author of (currently) four fiction books. I am also THAT author...yes, that annoying one...who is going to root for your success. Being an indie author is very hard. The biggest part of the fight is uniting our resources...and making publishing available to everyone, in any format.

Did I mention that I love books too?

Namaste!

#Boundaries #RulesToFollow #DontBreakMyTrust #EmailMe #Communication #CTAuthors #KeepTruckinOn

A Note About the CT Authors Partnership...

This is mainly a statement to other authors. Because of yesterday's event fiasco, I wanted to clarify what the CT Authors Partnership's mission statements are. I will take them from the page on this website. You can review this by going over to the Events tab and clicking the option "CT Authors Partnership".

Saving the arts - Books are becoming an activity of the past. Indie authors are a wonderful way of keeping them alive. We come up with unique ideas that traditional publishing companies do not market. A lot of us also relate to today's events and create characters and settings that are easy to identify with. The nonprofit also aims to help literacy in the state of CT and encourage careers in the arts. Connecting readers to writers - The main problem with indie authors is finding their audience. The nonprofit seeks to come up with a marketing plan for the author, based on their means. We might need to step in and let someone borrow a computer to build a website or help design business cards for events. We want the authors to be where they need to and sell books. Serving socioeconomic needs of writers - I learned this growing up poor and living without help. Some people do not have a way to do laundry, get clothes, or have the money to take a bus. Not everyone is as advantaged as the other. The nonprofit looks to close this gap by meeting those needs. We might not be the people helping you, but we will search for any solution.

As the nonprofit expands, it might add more to its mission statement. For the time being, though, the CT Authors Partnership has no money. Nobody has donated. Everything has come out of a refund or my husband's paychecks, money we are not going to recoup. Money was spent on advertising and marketing.

For a new nonprofit, I understand that trust is hard. Nobody knows me. I get that. But I have delivered. I hosted two events and nobody was turned away or fooled. I cannot guarantee a crowd. I cannot control people who promise me something and do not come through. I cannot the actions of others.

CT Authors Partnership is a commitment. It is going to be tough and we will fail often. If you did not know that about the literary industry, you are in the wrong place.

I work very hard to advertise. I plaster social media everyday with info about my books and events. Sometimes, it's as much as 6x/day, with different hashtags to attract more crowds. I have traveled downtown and even out of town to deliver flyers and ask people to pass the word. Social media event coverage! Contacted the news! Spent hours calling everyone I knew!

I am doing this on my own, with nobody else. Often, I have my son with me. I have no babysitter. Luckily, since COVID, everybody has been kind about Calvin coming with me.

Before you make judgements, why don't you listen? Have some empathy? Understand that people starting out need extra chances and help too?

Think before you speak.

Namaste!

#CTAuthors #DontCrossMe #Boundaries #WereNotRich #Empathy #Kindness

Second Event - We're Not Done Yet!

It's early morning. I cannot believe it. Second event in a month - and I am not done yet. I am very excited for today's event. As stated, I will be back with #TriviaTuesday and #BehindTheScenes in July (might rethink it to occasion because of how busy I've gotten, we'll see). Until then, keep checking in for more news and updates. The CT Authors Partnership is rolling. VFW #511, here we come!

In honor of my great uncle, Wilbur Ernst Beckmann, USAF, 1937-1983.

#RoundTwo #BookEvents #IndieAuthors #InRembranceOfYou #VFW #HereWeCome #ComeOnDown