Dave Horowitz's Blog, page 2
November 16, 2012
The "innocence" of youth
I did a presentation of my illustration techniques the other day, for some kids down at my local children's museum. Also I read them a couple of my books.
After the show there was a book signing.
Some author events are moreorganized orderly than others. This one was pretty seat-of-the-pants. Kids were just handing me books to sign left and right. Certainly, their adults were paying for them at some other table?
Mostly, yes, that was the case. But at the end of the day as I was cleaning up my stuff, I realized one of the books I brought in to read from had vanished.
Then I sort of remembered earlier this girl had handed me an edition of a book that was different than the rest. It was like the one I was missing. Or more likely, it WAS the one I was missing.
The best part is, I ain't even mad!
It's actually the sweetest most flattering thing if you ask me.
After the show there was a book signing.
Some author events are more
Mostly, yes, that was the case. But at the end of the day as I was cleaning up my stuff, I realized one of the books I brought in to read from had vanished.
Then I sort of remembered earlier this girl had handed me an edition of a book that was different than the rest. It was like the one I was missing. Or more likely, it WAS the one I was missing.
The best part is, I ain't even mad!
It's actually the sweetest most flattering thing if you ask me.
November 9, 2012
Monster in the Basement
I have a small, old ipod that has a built in video camera. I decide to record the monster in my basement.
Be warned the sound quality is... um... well: Monster in the Basement in D minor
Be warned the sound quality is... um... well: Monster in the Basement in D minor
October 29, 2012
G is for Google
Here is the first word to come up in the search bar for each letter of the alphabet, when you type just that letter. We might just be a consumer culture:
a is for amazon
b is for bank of america
c is for craigslist
d is for dictionary
e is for espn
f is for facebook
g is for google
h is for hotmail
i is for iphone 5
j is for jetblue
k is for kayak
l is for linkedin
m is for mapquest
n is for netflix
o is for olympics
p is for pinterst
q is for quotes
r is for redbox
s is for staples
t is for target
u is for usps
v is for verizon
w is for weather
x is for xbox
y is for youtube
z is for zara
a is for amazon
b is for bank of america
c is for craigslist
d is for dictionary
e is for espn
f is for facebook
g is for google
h is for hotmail
i is for iphone 5
j is for jetblue
k is for kayak
l is for linkedin
m is for mapquest
n is for netflix
o is for olympics
p is for pinterst
q is for quotes
r is for redbox
s is for staples
t is for target
u is for usps
v is for verizon
w is for weather
x is for xbox
y is for youtube
z is for zara
October 18, 2012
There are no stupid questions ...
except for this one: Which ad experience do you prefer?
Seriously HULU. The only way I would ever click anything after that retarded statement was if there was a choice reading, NONE.
For all the data mining going on, you think you'd know that about me by now.
Seriously HULU. The only way I would ever click anything after that retarded statement was if there was a choice reading, NONE.
For all the data mining going on, you think you'd know that about me by now.
October 15, 2012
Build-a-Bears!
Had dinner with the family last night. The conversation turned to politics as it often does.
Now, personally, I'm over it. Not apathetic—just realistic. Politicians are mere celebrities, these days: The "entertainment wing of the military industrial complex," as Zappa said.
SPOILER: Obama WILL be re-elected. Sorry (or congratulations). That script was written long ago.
I know it seems close if you watch your TV. But there is big money—billions—in making it seem like there is actually a horse race. Your TV lies, if you didn't know.
So, I toss in to the dinner conversation, this: It's all rigged. It's one party. The POTUS is a figure head these days; an actor bought and paid for; Bush, Obama, Romney, it doesn't matter. The buck does not stop at the Prez's desk.
Then the mocking starts: I'm a conspiracy theorist, they say. I don't know anything they say. Finally, someone asks, if what I say is true, if there is a secret group calling the shots, who are they?
The Bilderberg group , I say. Have any of you heard of them?
Anyone?
Crickets... until my ten year old niece answers. Build-a-bear? I know what that is.
Faith restored!
Now, personally, I'm over it. Not apathetic—just realistic. Politicians are mere celebrities, these days: The "entertainment wing of the military industrial complex," as Zappa said.
SPOILER: Obama WILL be re-elected. Sorry (or congratulations). That script was written long ago.
I know it seems close if you watch your TV. But there is big money—billions—in making it seem like there is actually a horse race. Your TV lies, if you didn't know.
So, I toss in to the dinner conversation, this: It's all rigged. It's one party. The POTUS is a figure head these days; an actor bought and paid for; Bush, Obama, Romney, it doesn't matter. The buck does not stop at the Prez's desk.
Then the mocking starts: I'm a conspiracy theorist, they say. I don't know anything they say. Finally, someone asks, if what I say is true, if there is a secret group calling the shots, who are they?
The Bilderberg group , I say. Have any of you heard of them?
Anyone?
Crickets... until my ten year old niece answers. Build-a-bear? I know what that is.
Faith restored!
September 20, 2012
How to get published: Tip #766.
Be able to summarize your story by quoting some pithy aphorism. One sentence or less, please.
Three of the last four books I sold, I used some quote when describing the book to my editor. Not really on purpose. I only noticed it today.
They were:
Chico the Brave(Penguin 2012): "Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway". — John Wayne
Little Big Horse (Scholastic 2014) "The best way to defeat an enemy is to make him your friend." — Abe Lincoln
Title, Top Secret (Penguin 2014) "Jews know two things: suffering and where to get the best Chinese food." — Woody Allen
I probably paraphrased all of the above, but what the hell this is the internet.
Three of the last four books I sold, I used some quote when describing the book to my editor. Not really on purpose. I only noticed it today.
They were:
Chico the Brave(Penguin 2012): "Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway". — John Wayne
Little Big Horse (Scholastic 2014) "The best way to defeat an enemy is to make him your friend." — Abe Lincoln
Title, Top Secret (Penguin 2014) "Jews know two things: suffering and where to get the best Chinese food." — Woody Allen
I probably paraphrased all of the above, but what the hell this is the internet.
August 28, 2012
the Shape of Stories
Anybody else notice that Mark Twain, Kurt Vonnegut and Frank Zappa have never been in the same room at the same time?
I have a hunch that they were all actually the same person. So what if were separated by space and time? They were all astute critics of our/their times, who turned what they saw into wisdom we could all easily swallow—and I swear they even all looked a little like each other.
But I better digress.
Since this is a site about reading and writing, here's a little slice of that wisdom I was talking about:
the Shape of Stories
I have a hunch that they were all actually the same person. So what if were separated by space and time? They were all astute critics of our/their times, who turned what they saw into wisdom we could all easily swallow—and I swear they even all looked a little like each other.
But I better digress.
Since this is a site about reading and writing, here's a little slice of that wisdom I was talking about:
the Shape of Stories
August 26, 2012
the Kosher Ham Diaries
I am pleased to announce a new project: the Kosher Ham Diaries.
This is an ongoing web series (aka a blog) that you can view right here, right now: http://kosherhamdiaries.wordpress.com/
Although I am mostly known as a children's author, and my protagonist is a ham, this series will have grown-up language and themes. You've been warned.
Thanks and I hope you will enjoy it.
This is an ongoing web series (aka a blog) that you can view right here, right now: http://kosherhamdiaries.wordpress.com/
Although I am mostly known as a children's author, and my protagonist is a ham, this series will have grown-up language and themes. You've been warned.
Thanks and I hope you will enjoy it.
August 21, 2012
the Electric Cow
I was biking the other day with a good friend of mine. Let's call him, "Sven".
Sven loves animals. Whenever we're out hiking or biking or whatever, and we see a farm animal, Sven has to stop and pet it. Goats, horses, bulls, it doesn't matter. I usually think this is a bad idea, but what do I care?
Well, the other day, we passed by a couple of cows in a field behind a fence. Sven stopped and called out to them. As usual they came right over. He reached his hand in, and pet them.
Next thing I know Sven's crumpling to the ground. "Dude... Dude... I need help."
What the hell? was he messing with me?
From my vantage point it looked like maybe a cow had grabbed him by the foot. Sven's face went blank. I made it to him just as he was getting back to his feet.
"Dude... I... I think I'm stroking out."
"Okay, just breathe." I say. I have no idea what to do.
Luckily, he starts coming back to normal after a couple of minutes. In the meantime we figured out what had happened: Between the regular fence and the cows was an electric fence about waist high. As Sven pet the cow the cow came closer and made contact with the electric fence. The current must have gone through the cow and then into Sven.
Sven is not a young man. This could have been a lot worse.
I asked him later if he will now stop messing with livestock and stuff.
His answer: "No... why?"
Sven loves animals. Whenever we're out hiking or biking or whatever, and we see a farm animal, Sven has to stop and pet it. Goats, horses, bulls, it doesn't matter. I usually think this is a bad idea, but what do I care?
Well, the other day, we passed by a couple of cows in a field behind a fence. Sven stopped and called out to them. As usual they came right over. He reached his hand in, and pet them.
Next thing I know Sven's crumpling to the ground. "Dude... Dude... I need help."
What the hell? was he messing with me?
From my vantage point it looked like maybe a cow had grabbed him by the foot. Sven's face went blank. I made it to him just as he was getting back to his feet.
"Dude... I... I think I'm stroking out."
"Okay, just breathe." I say. I have no idea what to do.
Luckily, he starts coming back to normal after a couple of minutes. In the meantime we figured out what had happened: Between the regular fence and the cows was an electric fence about waist high. As Sven pet the cow the cow came closer and made contact with the electric fence. The current must have gone through the cow and then into Sven.
Sven is not a young man. This could have been a lot worse.
I asked him later if he will now stop messing with livestock and stuff.
His answer: "No... why?"
August 16, 2012
Coffee for Dummies
I bought a can of Chock Full of Nuts coffee last week. It's not my usual brand, but whatever. (Actually I stopped buying them in protest when they took the Twin Towers, out of the skyline on the packaging, but that's besides the point).
I assumed that anyone who has been on the planet for enough years to be old enough to buy coffee, has already figured out that Chock Full of Nuts coffee is in fact, coffee.
(HINT: They sell it in a coffee can in the coffee aisle!)
Yet on the can these days, on the lid in 64 pt. bold it reads: NO NUTS! 100% Coffee!
Seriously.
Is this how dumb we're getting as a culture or is this just to prevent lawsuits? Either way, I'm back to Folgers. The cans are better for holding paintbrushes anyway.
I assumed that anyone who has been on the planet for enough years to be old enough to buy coffee, has already figured out that Chock Full of Nuts coffee is in fact, coffee.
(HINT: They sell it in a coffee can in the coffee aisle!)
Yet on the can these days, on the lid in 64 pt. bold it reads: NO NUTS! 100% Coffee!
Seriously.
Is this how dumb we're getting as a culture or is this just to prevent lawsuits? Either way, I'm back to Folgers. The cans are better for holding paintbrushes anyway.
