Shelby Forsythia's Blog, page 2

What It’s Like to Look Like Someone Who Died: Grieving in a Familiar Face

It’s always fun showing somebody new a picture of my mom.

They look at her. Then they look at me. I wait, watching their mental gears turn. They look back at the picture, then back at me and say, “Oh my god. You look just like her.”

Yeah. I do. I look just like my dead mom.

Most of the time, I view mine and my mom’s physical similarities as a compliment. But with the arrival of each fresh milestone—another anniversary of her death, another Christmas, another Mother’s Day—I can’t help but wonder wha...

How to Let Go of Grief Without Letting Go of Love: 2 Lists That Help You Release the Pain You Carry

Photo by Clever Visuals on Unsplash

The phrase “Just let it go!” can feel infuriating when you’re grieving.

It’s one of those grief clichés that’s allegedly well-meaning but actually deeply dismissive and hurtful. You’re told to let go of the pain, to move on, or to leave the past behind, as if grief is something you can simply drop and walk away from like it never mattered.

So what does it really mean to “let go” after loss?

And is it even possible without also letting go of your memories, your ide...

What to Do After Loss: The First Step You Can’t Skip if You Want to Heal

Photo by Jp Valery on Unsplash

When your world has just shattered, the question that races around your mind—sometimes quietly, sometimes with screaming panic is this: What am I supposed to do now?

After a devastating loss, whether it’s the death of a loved one, a painful divorce, a life-changing diagnosis, or another major transition, it’s normal to search for something—anything—to make the pain more bearable. The scramble to figure out your next steps is hella real. You know you want to feel bett...

Are You Ready for Grief Coaching? 3 Questions to Ask Before You Get Support

Photo by Sweet Life on Unsplash

So you’ve experienced a devastating loss. A death, a divorce, a diagnosis, or another life-altering event that’s shaken your sense of safety, identity, normalcy, and direction. And now you’re asking the big question: What now?

Maybe you’ve heard about grief coaching from a friend, therapist, or even a stranger on the internet who mentioned it was helpful for them. Maybe you’ve never heard about grief coaching before, but you’re curious about what support actually lo...

Is Grief Selfish?

What Being “Self-Centered” in Grief Really Means — and Why It MattersPhoto by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

Recently, I received the following question from a podcast listener named Anjan:

“Thank you for all the work that you do for grievers. It seems to me that some people think that grief is due to self-love… essentially saying that grief is selfish. I do not know whether you have made content on this, but I would request you to consider this as a topic.”

Anjan’s question is thoughtful, honest, and fa...

When Every Season Hurts: Surviving Grief Anniversaries and Death Dates All Year Long

When you’ve experienced multiple losses, no part of the calendar feels “safe” anymore.Photo by Gaining Visuals on Unsplash

There was a time in my life when I thought grief only lived in December.

My mom died the day after Christmas in 2013. That first holiday season without her was devastating. Counting down the days to her death anniversary was like having a subscription to pain I couldn’t unsubscribe from. The years that followed felt pretty much the same.

I expected December to hurt. I braced my...

Grief Is Political: How to Participate in Activism, Even When Your Heart Is Broken

Because your loss—whether you like it or not—exists within a larger systemPhoto by Vlad Tchompalov on Unsplash

Grief is exhausting. It’s disorienting. It’s lonely.

And — record scratch — grief is ALSO political.

If that statement made your shoulders tense or your stomach twist, pause for a moment and take a breath. Because this statement isn’t about weaponizing your grief. It’s about recognizing that decisions about who lives, who dies, who gets support, and who is left behind in our society are de...

How to Plan a Wedding After the Death of a Loved One

Ideas for honoring grief and loss on your wedding day from a grief coach and grieving brideHeather and I on our wedding day | Photo: Elope to Chicago

Disclaimer: I’m a nonreligious American grief coach, so while this article is grounded in personal experience and professional insight, it may not include key elements of your cultural or spiritual traditions. Take what serves you, add your own spin, and invent new traditions where needed.

Introduction: The Bittersweet Weight of Your Wedding Day

There...

15 Grief Affirmations for When You Feel Lost, Broken, or Alone

When the ground falls out from under you, words can help you feel steady again.Photo by Vince Fleming on Unsplash

Grief is disorienting. It changes your relationship with time, your body, your future, and often, even your sense of self. Whether your loss is fresh or from years ago, there are days when grief makes you feel utterly broken, profoundly lost, or totally alone.

Affirmations won’t fix your grief—but they can help you hold it. When chosen with care and used with intention, affirmations ca...

“I Can’t Imagine What You’re Going Through” Isn’t Comforting. Here’s Why.

This common sympathy phrase hurts more than it helps.Photo by 青 晨 on Unsplash

Some words are meant to wrap grievers in comfort, but land like a painful jab in the chest.

Few phrases are more hurtful than: “I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”

If you’ve been on the receiving end of these words in the aftermath of loss—whether it was a death, a divorce, a diagnosis, or some other life-altering event—you probably know exactly how alienating it feels to hear them in response to your circumstance...