Marc Lesser's Blog, page 29
April 11, 2019
Interview: Digital Mindfulness
Marc Lesser speaks with Dr. Lawrence Ampofo on the Digital Mindfulness podcast about how to take the lead in implementing mindful leadership in your relationships and why mindful leadership is more relevant than ever. You can listen to the conversation below.
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April 8, 2019
Fight for change, accept what is
If you have these two things — the willingness to change, and the acceptance of everything as it comes, you will have all you need to work with.
–Charlotte Selver
A few years ago I taught an “Accomplishing More By Doing Less” workshop at Esalen. The participants ran small businesses or were employees in a variety of sizes of for-profit and non-profit companies. I was leading them in explorations of effort and effortlessness, on noticing and reducing fears, assumptions, distractions, and resistance — perhaps another shorthand for how to become more effective in work and outside of work.
During one of our group discussions, the participants and I were talking about how to be most effective in business. I presented this question: “How do you respond to a particular need or challenge in growing or managing a business?” A few people responded that they act with a sense of composure, with an underlying “whatever the Universe may bring you” mentality. They described this as their central belief about how to be effective in business and in life. They were probably thinking they were reinforcing a message of my workshop, since I am a Zen teacher as well as a businessman. Perhaps they were responding with language they thought I’d especially resonate with.
Hearing these words, I responded, “When it comes to growing or managing a business, I’m not a whatever the Universe brings you kind of guy. I’m a write the f*#%ing business plan kind of guy.”
That got their attention. “Accepting what is” and trusting the Universe is an essential approach to life. But so is “fighting for change.” And if you want to be effective in business — and in relationships, too, for that matter — then you also need tenacity, focus, urgency, often combined with strategic planning and a drive towards achievement.
“Accepting what is” is also an important and core practice. By definition, it creates the baseline for our understanding of reality and for our decisions about what needs to change. If we can’t see what is, and can’t accept what we see, then it’s difficult to act effectively. Accepting “whatever the universe brings” can also be an important way to avoid wasting time and energy trying to change what cannot be changed. All by itself, though, “accepting what is” is usually not enough. The imbalanced, shadow side of acceptance is passivity, laziness, and avoidance. It is not mindful leadership. If we see a window of opportunity and fail to jump through it, no one benefits.
On the other hand, the shadow side of “fighting for change” is becoming controlling and rigid in our concepts. In truth, our everyday lives are largely centered around coping with change: managing it, responding to it, and sometimes driving or creating it. To be effective requires knowing when to practice acceptance and when to drive change. This is more difficult than it sounds. Balance doesn’t mean finding the middle ground between acceptance and drive. It means having the freedom, insight, and skill to embody both at once in order to act effectively in each situation. It can be maddeningly challenging, yet simple, and forms the core of effectiveness.
Real change is at the heart of what it means to be human. With each change we learn and we re-create ourselves. We are able to see in a way that was not previously possible. We can act and achieve in a way that we could not before. With each change the world is different, our relationships are transformed. With each change we are continually expanding our ability to respond, to create, to envision, and to build our relationships and organizations. To clarify my terminology, the phrase “fight for change” could also be expressed as “lead to improve” or to “transform.” That is, even as we accept that all things change, we recognize that many things can be improved, and so we take personal responsibility to actively pursue improvement. Thus, in work and relationships, we don’t simply wait for problems to arise and then try to solve them; we take the initiative to understand our current situation and envision a better future, a better now. We develop a vision, know where we mean to go, and start walking.
This is mindful leadership, and it is as vital to our personal lives as our work lives. They are intimately connected, and what “leading to improve” means in each can also be strikingly similar: seeing how we ourselves can be more open, honest, and effective, and exploring how we can better give of ourselves and bring out the best in others. Even as we consider the challenges, opportunities, and threats we will inevitably face, we can see that effectiveness rests in taking a balanced approach: anticipating that some problems will arise from within ourselves and some from without. Some challenges will require action, some patience. Some will need money and resources, some understanding.
Exploring our vision of what we truly want can be difficult, uncomfortable, and even painful. We become all too aware of the gap between where we are and where we want to be, and examining that distance takes courage, patience, and a good deal of support. Like the archetypal hero, we see our dreadful inadequacies and the world’s insurmountable challenges and become afraid. We refuse the call:
“I would like to start a company, but I don’t have . . .”
“I would like a new career, but I can’t leave my job because . . .”
“I would like to be in a loving relationship, but it won’t happen for me because I’m . . .”
“I would like to exercise, eat healthy food, meditate, travel (and so on), but I can’t because . . .”
From where we stand right now, our goals, dreams, and visions may seem unrealistic or even impossible. “There’s no way I can have what I really want because I’ve got a family to support. I don’t have the resources. . . .” Our aspirations can make us uncomfortable and uneasy, and so we may find ways not to dream.
We become vague, unclear with ourselves: “Oh, I don’t really know what I want to do with my life. . . .”
We bury our heads: “I’m way too busy to think about what I really want to do. . . .”
We practice avoidance: “I’ll do what I want when the kids are grown, the house is paid off, the recession is over. . . .”
We play it safe: “All I want is an easy life free of stress and worry. . . ”
But here we come upon a couple of hard truths and a paradox: One is, if we deny our passions, it’s difficult to be truly happy, and it will be difficult to find fulfillment. The other is, pursuing what matters most often involves lots of stress and worry, and no matter how hard we try, we may never reach our ultimate goals. At least, not entirely or in the ways we imagine. However, strangely enough, if we follow what we know is most important to us, with these attitudes or practices of acceptance of what is while fighting for change, we are unlikely to be disappointed.
In my experience, when we honor what calls us and risk stepping into the unknown, we enter a creative realm that changes us from the inside out. When we fight for change, we become changed, and there is literally no telling where that path will take us. Embracing this transformative effort becomes its own reward, and we sometimes prefer where it leads us to whatever it was we once thought we wanted. This is why I like to call the distance between our vision and our current situation a “creative gap” or a “creative opening.” And when it comes to creative openings, being uncomfortable and feeling tension are positive! Greet these feelings with enthusiasm!
True creativity involves the discomfort, tension, and excitement of real risk. You are stretching yourself outside of your comfort zone, entering unknown terrain. Why do we feel discomfort and tension when giving a talk, leading a meeting, applying for a job? In all cases, it is like the tightrope walker: our vision turns to the possibility of falling, of failing. No one wants to fall or fail. The remedy for this is easy, just stay off the rope. But the price tag for this choice can be your growth and development, and your happiness. Accept where you are, make the changes necessary to move toward where you want to be, and slowly you will find yourself inching out and balancing successfully on that rope, sometimes unexpectedly failing, but then getting back up more skillfully.
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April 4, 2019
Interview: Inspire Nation
Marc Lesser joins Michael Sandler on the Inspire Nation podcast for an engaging discussion about bringing heart to the workplace and achievement to the heart through the Seven Practices of a Mindful Leader. You can listen to the conversation below.
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April 1, 2019
Be Confident, Question Everything
“Be joyful, though you’ve considered all the facts.”
–Wendell Berry
Work and meditation are each great places for cultivating greater confidence, while at the same time learning to ask important questions.
So much of growing a company involves confidently testing, watching, and evaluating results, and asking lots of penetrating questions. During the first few years developing mindfulness programs within Google, we created a very solid, successful training program that was delivered over the course of 7 weeks with weekly in-person meetings. One of the advantages of this structure was that it allowed for the exploration of new tools and practices in between meetings. For several years this was the only format in which the program was offered.
When we began to test the program outside of Google, I organized an intensive 2-day public program in San Francisco. Meeting for 2 days versus 7 weeks meant that the program became more feasible for, and accessible to, organizations outside of the Bay Area and we found ourselves welcoming participants from throughout the US, Europe, Mexico, and Canada. This new structure also meant that there wouldn’t be time for practice in between sessions and for this reason, many people thought that the 2-day format just wouldn’t work. But, I felt confident enough to try it and explore what we might learn.
It turned out that by offering a 2-day program we were able to create a much stronger sense of connection, depth, and community than with the 7-week program. Participants also reported a greater sense of being able to take in and assimilate the material, and to solve the problem of not having time to practice in between sessions, we added a 4-week “challenge” – a time for people to integrate the practices they’d learned following the intensive training.
So much of my work life now, as I’m transitioning from the role of CEO of the Search Inside Yourself Leadership Institute, is to muster the confidence to try things – more writing, speaking, coaching, trainings – and at the same time to see everything as an experiment by approaching things with an abiding curiosity and an eagerness to learn. Some of the questions I’m asking myself involve exploring where I can have the most impact while doing what I most enjoy. One of my enduring mantras is to “be confident and question everything.”
I also think this practice is core to meditation practice. Just stopping and bringing your full attention to body, mind, and heart takes confidence and cultivates confidence. The ability to stay with, and not turn away from, whatever might come up – all the pains and joys – this aspiration to stay with things, and to see more clearly, is crucial to our work and our relationships. At the same time, the practice of meditation is about cultivating an attitude of curiosity and of not knowing – being open to not being an expert, to the mind of a beginner, the mind that questions everything.
It can be challenging to have the confidence to try things, especially when we realize that we might fail. And it can be challenging to have an open mind when we try things, and to stay open and question all that we learn throughout the process. If we’re honest, we just want the world to make sense and to conform to our ideas. We yearn for predictability. We resist and often reject what doesn’t fit into our worldview, and we very much dislike change. I certainly do. I sometimes joke that I’d like to form a support group called “Buddhists Against Change.” Sure, acknowledging and embracing change is a foundational principle of Buddhist philosophy, but that doesn’t make it fun or easy.
As we develop our skills and experience, the last thing we want is to question our own hard-won knowledge, yet sticking to our ideas could pose a big problem. Life changes constantly. Mindfulness practice and meditation are methods of ensuring that “not knowing” informs our habitual approach to life so that we don’t succumb to the hubris of our assumptions. These practices help keep us from the trap of overconfidence, which is often a defense against the unpredictability of life.
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March 28, 2019
Interview: Ten Laws with East Forest
Marc Lesser joined East Forest on the Ten Laws with East Forest podcast for a conversation about Zen, mindfulness and emotional intelligence. You can listen to the conversation below.
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March 25, 2019
The Practice of Mindful Relationships
The real miracle is not to walk on water
but to walk right here on Earth
–Thich Nhat Hanh
Many years ago, when I was director at Tassajara, Zen Mountain Center I was lucky enough to spend a few weeks with Vietnamese Zen teacher Thich Nhat Hanh. Each morning I knocked on his cabin door to accompany him on a walk across the valley where he would teach a class for the 60 winter residents. This walk was a few hundred yards but took about 10 minutes. Thich Nhat Hanh had a way of walking slowly, very slowly. Each step felt intentional and conscious. Though I often teach that mindfulness doesn’t have to mean slowing down, there was something potent about doing so, and walking at this pace as though each step really mattered. I sometimes felt as though this was the real teaching, before I ever sat down for the morning class.
Thich Nhat Hanh talks about the miracle and practice of mindfulness – the miracle of remembering that we are here – alive and conscious, with endless opportunity to learn, heal, and grow. He describes mindfulness as the practice of seeing the miraculous within what we usually experience as ordinary. In one of his essays he describes the “7 miracles of mindfulness” with a particular focus on the practice of relationship, of shifting the way in which we see and relate to others. As leaders, whether leading a company, a team, or leading our lives, these “miracles” are accessible practices that we can apply to our many important relationships.
The first miracle is that of our presence and our attention. This is simply the ability to appreciate being here, alive; to remember how ordinary and extraordinary it is to see the sky, a flower, a tear, or a smile – in our homes and at work.
The second miracle is to notice that we are in relationship with everything around us. It’s an awareness of connection and relatedness – the miracle of being separate and not being separate at the same time.
The third miracle is nourishment, both of and by, others. Imagine asking your partner, or your child, parent, or best friend:
Who are you? Who are you that shares this air, this time on earth with me? Why aren’t you a dewdrop, a butterfly, or a bird? I know you are here. We are here.
In a work situation this practice might involve deep listening with an abiding curiosity.
The fourth miracle involves honoring our intention of healing, of reducing the suffering of others in our lives. In the workplace and at home, this involves leading with compassion. (In some workplaces the word compassion can be challenging; in these situations I like to reframe compassion as “building inner strength.”)
The fifth miracle involves looking more deeply, beyond our habits, patterns, and often somewhat narrow or protective way of looking at the world. It’s about noticing that you are really present in this moment!
The sixth miracle is cultivating understanding. This is the foundation of trust and of love. The more we understand others the more we recognize our similarities, which makes it easier to express kindness and caring.
Last, we have the miracle of transformation. This is about being aware of change and how dynamic everything is. Through the practice of mindfulness we can aim to transform our own pain and the pain of the world.
Each of these “miracles” are in fact practices – they offer ways to remember to appreciate the miracle of being alive.
In the world of work, practices that fall into the category of mindfulness and emotional intelligence may be seen as “soft.” Sure, they may be soft in the sense that they are difficult to measure but they are certainly not easy, nor are they without significant impact and consequence.
These are powerful practices for leaders, and really for anyone intent on creating great cultures. As Peter Drucker famously stated: “Culture eats strategy for breakfast.” I believe this is true, not only at work, but in our families and personal lives – it’s all about relationship – and about caring, loving and appreciating the miracle of being here, right now.
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March 21, 2019
Interview: Mindful Social
Listen to “7 Practices of a Mindful Leader #MindfulSocial with Marc Lesser” on Spreaker.
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March 19, 2019
Talk: How To Be an Emotional Jedi
In this keynote talk at the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, California, Marc Lesser explains the 7 keys to a successful mindfulness practice, and how to share these practices with others.
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East Coast Events
I wanted to let you know about some events that I’ll be doing on the east coast of the US this week. If you have friends or colleagues in the region that may be interested in either or both of these events, please share this so they may join in.
ABC Home, NYC
March 19: 7:00 – 9:00 pm
Mini-Workshop and Book Signing
ABC Home is an amazing place! They sell furniture and other home accessories, rugs, jewelry and clothing. They also have three wonderful restaurants and an events venue. I’ll be in the Deepak Chopra “space” and will be offering a mini-workshop and book signing on the seven simple yet profound practices from my new book that support conscious, compassionate relationships. Learn more.
Garrison Institute, Garrison, NY
March 22-24
Seven Practices of a Mindful Leader Workshop
In this workshop, which is suitable for leaders at any level, I’ll be sharing the tools needed to shift awareness, enhance communication, build trust, eliminate fear and self-doubt, and cut down on unnecessary workplace drama. We’ll explore how the inner work of mindfulness and self-awareness meets the outer work of leadership and business as a force for positive change and results that matter.
You’ll learn how to:
• Cultivate your leadership presence
• Thrive in the midst of change and challenges
• “Own” your power and your ability to empower others
• Improve focus and flexibility
• Cultivate greater self-awareness and resilience
• Increase engagement, collaboration, and well-being
Participants will also learn group support and problem solving methodology providing the framework for ongoing, independent group study following the training, as a means to sustain and integrate the practices. Learn more.
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March 14, 2019
Interview: Relationships 2.0
Marc Lesser speaks with Dr. Michelle Skeen on the Relationships 2.0 podcast about self-compassion, resilience training, and avoiding the emotional traps connected with success and failure. You can listen to the conversation below.
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