Angela Baughman's Blog, page 38

Putting My Faith In What Holds Me Well

Faith is where we place our complete trust or confidence. For some of us, that looks like our people. It is our spouses, children, extended family, or friends. For others, we place our faith in more tangible places like careers, status, money, or material possessions. Through the years, I’ve had faith in all sorts of things like my husband, my church, my job, and the money I had in the bank.

And while it isn’t wrong to have faith in the people we love to love us back, they will let us down from time to time. Organizations have policies in place to protect us in our work environments, but we are still mistreated there on occasion. Our church families for sure should be dependable and safe, but anyone who has dealt with the hurt caused within a church knows that it cuts deep.

Ultimately, all of these things are corruptible and fallible. So where can we put our faith? For Jesus followers, our faith must be in the presence and power of Jesus Christ. We must filter all of our decisions through the belief and trust that He is present, He is working, He is equipping, and He is good.

I’m heading to Chicago in a few days to a conference that is designed to train and grow women who encourage others in Christ by speaking. I will be learning from a woman whose ministry I have followed and whose voice and passion I  admire. When I first learned of the opportunity to attend this intimate gathering with about forty other women, I was intimidated. I thought about how I would compare with her success. I doubted that my gifts could measure up against someone with that level of achievement.

God has done a mighty work on my heart since then. He has, in no uncertain terms, peeled back a few layers of my heart so that I could look deep inside. He’s asked hard questions about where I place my trust and where I receive my worth. Is it from this woman? Is it from my own abilities? Is it from the accolades of the world?

Truthfully, yes, I have looked for validation in all of those things. But I am a work in progress, and I am learning much on this journey. I know better and better all the time, the truth that the most secure place to receive my worth is from Jesus. I must continually turn towards Him for my confidence and my strength.

And so I’m heading to Chicago in faith. Faith that He brought this opportunity to me. Faith that He will meet me there. Faith that He has led me to create the presentation I will share. Faith that He approves of me no matter what happens at the conference. My God is strong enough to hold me. I believe this with my whole heart.

When I walk up to a chair, I never have a conversation with it about how much I weigh and whether or not it feels up to the challenge. I just sit down and trust that the chair will do its job. As we mature in our faith, let us approach God with even greater trust and dependence. He can and most certainly will hold us well.

Peace.

Leaning Into God’s Plans For Me

I’m a big fan of television medical dramas. Recently, I have been rewatching episodes of ER on Hulu. Often when a trauma patient is being assessed by doctors, the medical professionals will tell the patient to be calm and stop fighting. They are trying to help the one who is wounded and hurting. Helping them takes longer and produces more risks when the patient is struggling against them.

When I think of the gentleness fruit of the Spirit, I think of a patient who decides to calm herself enough to let the doctors work. She trusts in their expertise and allows them to perform procedures that will stop the hurting and begin a healing process. She follows their advice so that her body can once again be strong. She is wise enough to know that fighting only prolongs the process and the hurt.

Isn’t the same true in our relationship with God? Looking back over situations in my life, I can see how I fought against or argued with God over the unfolding of circumstances. When times were uncertain, I wanted answers faster than they came. When change was inevitable, I longed for the security of what had been. When life failed to meet my expectations, I needed someone to blame. Instead of trusting in God’s faithfulness, I sat stubbornly in my disappointment or fear.

But as I have spent more time with Jesus, His trustworthiness has become more evident. I better realize the personal application of His promises. Jesus’ final words in the Gospel of Matthew remind His followers that He never leaves us. He is always with us. When I am tempted to fight Him on whatever is happening in my life, I need to recall that truth. He stays right with me. He is trustworthy. I can lean into that and let go of the fighting.

What is going on in your life that produces tension between you and God? Where are you struggling to trust Him and allow Him to work things out in His way and in His timing? We all face the same choice when living in that uncomfortable place. Will we wrestle, argue, and plead our case? Or will we gently surrender to the leading of the One who knows and loves us best?

Peace.

Taking Control Of My Schedule

I have watched the movie “Coal Miner’s Daughter” so many times that I can nearly recite the lines in the film from beginning to end. One of the scenes that I think about often is when Sissy Spacek, portraying country music legend Loretta Lynn, collapses on stage after emotionally falling apart in front of the huge audience that has gathered to hear her sing.

During those moments, she tells the crowd that her friend Patsy Cline was always telling her, “Little gal, you’ve got to run your own life.” Then Loretta confesses to her fans, “but my life’s running me.” And that, in essence, is the root of her problems.

The truth about who or what is running my life is at the heart of many of my problems, too. One of the fruits of the spirit is self-control, and for me, the most tangible evidence my life displays of whether or not it is bearing the self-control fruit is found in my schedule. I tend to overbook and overcommit myself. When I am living that way, I have made several significant mistakes.

First, I have placed the approval of the world above the higher calling of God. To please people, I have sacrificed my most precious resource – time. When I overschedule myself, I trade the time it takes to fulfill commitments with the time I need to spend with God, my immediate family, and my closest friends in order to have the level of intimacy I desire in those primary relationships. Every moment is used only once, and I have chosen the less valuable place to spend it.

Also, I leave myself wide open for temptation. When I am running on empty, I am less cautious about my responses and reactions. I have less grace for myself and others. And I give less than my best in everything I do.

It took me a long time to understand – a very long time, friends – that God cannot use me to the extent I am capable of being used in His design if I do not give Him white space in my schedule with which to work. When I am rushing from one thing to the next, I am not listening to Him. I am not talking to Him. I am often not even aware of Him. Ultimately, I am not able to be “inconvenienced” by divine appointments during my day.

Maintaining a realistic life pace is an ongoing struggle for me. From time to time, I put myself on what I call a “schedule diet” when I realize my commitments are too many. It always takes a while to get in a better place. It’s like body weight. I didn’t put in on in a day, and it’s not coming off in a day, either.

But controlling my schedule plays a significant role in my ability to follow the example of Christ. He continues to offer His grace, and I continue to receive it knowing that each step I take towards closer fellowship with Him will be abundantly blessed. Psalm 90:12 says this, “So teach us to number our days, that we may cultivate and bring to You a heart of wisdom.” (AMP)

Peace.

I Lose My Way When I Run Ahead

I have been in ministry all of my adult life and at times I still struggle to remember the basics. It is far too easy for me to get caught up in the day to day obligations and neglect my primary responsibility which is connecting myself with Jesus Christ. Everything I can offer the world as a wife, mother, friend, pastor, or teacher flows from that connection. I know this like I know my name. Yet I forget.

This truth manifested itself in my circumstances as recently as last weekend. I was flirting with worry. A decision beyond my control had presented itself and I was waiting to find out which way it would go. If it went the way that seemed less desirable to me, it would hurt me. More dangerous yet, it would offend me. And in my mind, I was already preparing a response to how I would handle that offense.

As I sat in a worship service and listened to the praise band, I felt the whisper of the Holy Spirit speak to my anxious heart. Don’t get ahead of me, Angie. I paused my singing and pondered that conviction in my thoughts. Tears stung my eyes as the music continued to play. It was a gentle reminder to wait on Him. I didn’t know what was coming. I didn’t know much of anything at all about the work He was doing or the plans He had already made. And I certainly didn’t need to be making up battle plans when there was no indication that war was on the horizon.

Galatians 6:9 says, “So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time, we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit.” (MSG) It was my ministry fatigue getting to me that evening. It was my focus on all that I had given that I imagined being unappreciated. It was my pride in the gifts I had shared that I dreamed up were overlooked. It was the all too familiar shift of focus from His face to my need to be recognized.

A few moments later, I found myself in the serving line for communion. When I tore a piece of bread from the loaf, I remembered His love for me. As I dipped that piece of bread in the cup, I remembered His sacrifice for me. While I knelt at the altar to pray, I remembered His relentless pursuit of my heart.

I get tired of serving. I know we all do from time to time, especially when it seems like we are doing a lot of planting and very little harvesting. But when we get distracted by all that isn’t happening or when we begin to make up stories in our minds about how others aren’t noticing, let us recall the promise in this verse. A harvest is coming if we don’t give up.

Peace.

Trouble Comes When Emotions Rule

I recently sat with a friend and opened up a tricky conversation. I owed her an apology, and I had been (somewhat reluctantly) looking for an opportunity to tell her so. In my heart, I knew she would be gracious and extend forgiveness. But it still wasn’t easy to offer up my confession.

Why was there a need to apologize to her? Well, because I had let my emotions take over. Someone had offended me, and it made me angry. In my anger, I had spouted off some unkind things about the character of the person who had offended me. It was a professional situation that my friend was leading. But I didn’t calmly go to her for advice or assistance problem-solving. Instead, I spewed impatience and frustration in front of people I already knew would take my side.

Thankfully, my behavior didn’t have any serious consequences. And because of that, I tried to tell myself I didn’t need to revisit what I had done. But for weeks I grieved my behavior. I had usurped my friend’s leadership, tarnished my witness in the presence of others, and spoken harshly about another person who was serving alongside me. And the only right thing for a Jesus-follower to do given those truths was to apologize and seek forgiveness.

We’ve all done it. Let our emotions take over and dictate our behavior. I knew immediately – even as the words came out of my mouth – that I had taken steps on the wrong path. But it was already too late. The damage was done, and I would need to prayerfully consider my next steps to repair what I had broken.

Galatians 5:25 in the Message paraphrase says, “Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives.”

Our living in the Spirit is demonstrated (or not) in the daily decisions we make about our behavior. How we cope, how we respond, how we wait, and how we deal with difficult circumstances all speak the truth about what we let guide us. Is it the Spirit? Or is it our desires? Our pride? Our need to be approved of, recognized, or praised?

I am fortunate in this particular situation. My friend was loving and merciful. My God was correcting and patient. And my mishap was relatively minor.  But it serves as a necessary reminder to me. Being guided by my emotions is a danger that can easily entangle me. I need to remember and keep recalling the embarrassment I felt when I realized my mistake as well as the angst I felt about approaching my friend.

It is my sincere desire to walk in the Spirit and deal with conflicts appropriately when they happen instead of doing the work to clean up the mess I’ve made. I won’t soon forget this experience. It isn’t any fun sitting with someone you care about and admitting you let them down. But what a gift to understand that forgiveness is real. It came for me from my Father and also from my friend whose response to my confession modeled to me what it means to walk in the Spirit.

Peace.

Today I Live As One Chosen By God

I was texting recently with a good friend of mine. She sent me a picture of a couple of paragraphs in a book she is reading. As we shot a few quick messages back and forth to each other, I felt the Lord plant a seed of truth in my heart. He reminded me that He has chosen me. But it is entirely up to me whether or not I live as one who is chosen.

As I have talked and written about before, I am, at times, a mess of insecurity. But as God continues to work on my heart to help me live with the belief that I am valuable, it forces me to wrestle with old habits of staying small and seeking the approval of others. I fear criticism and rejection. And when that fear triumphs over certainty in God, I make the decision that who the world chooses, and whether or not it chooses me, is more important than the promise that God has already chosen me.

However, if I trust that God has chosen me as His own, and make that my focus, then any worldly disapproval that comes my way is secondary to His acceptance. Sure, it stings when my ideas meet with furrowed brows or dismissive words. Sure, it raises doubts when something I offer isn’t well received. But it cannot touch the unchangeable truth that I am a chosen child of God. His Spirit lives inside me. And no one and nothing can ever reach that place. No darkness can hide it. No shame can penetrate it. And no setback can minimize it.

I recently attended a conference in North Carolina. One of the vendors there was Fashion & Compassion. The organization helps vulnerable women by teaching them to make jewelry that supplements their income. On their display table, there were many pretty things. I admired several, but I came home with one piece. It is a simple silver necklace on a long chain that says “chosen.”

The funny thing is, I had decided to get a similar one that said, “loved.” But when I went back to make the purchase, the “loved” ones were sold out. I had noticed the “chosen” one first, but I wasn’t sure I believed it. And if I’m going to wear something around my neck, I need to believe it. So I stood there trying to decide if I was bold enough to wear “chosen.” “Loved” seemed softer or more acceptable somehow. But “chosen”? Was that taking things too far? As I held it in my hand and prepared to claim it, I felt tears welling up in my eyes. And as I walked away from the cashier with my new treasure, the tears slid down my cheeks. I lifted a declaration prayer that I would be intentional about believing that He saw me this way.

I made a choice that evening to claim the decision God has already made about His love for me. I am chosen. And that will not change regardless of the response I make to His choice. But what if I live it out? What if I wake up each day, thank Him for choosing me, and live like one whose security lies not in the response of the world but in the love of a Father? Yeah, I want to be that woman.

Peace.

Wear The Identity Of Christ

I have been giving a lot of thought this week to Galatians 3:27. The more contemporary Bible translations compare our being united with Christ to putting on new clothes. The Message paraphrase calls it a “faith wardrobe.” It reminds me once again that the degree to which I receive things from Jesus, like an unchanging identity, is largely up to me.

Most every morning, I stand in the small walk-in closet I share with my husband and make decisions about what clothes I will wear. Will it be a skirt and sandals today? Will it be capris and ballet flats? What do I feel like? How do I want my clothes to express what’s going on inside me? I have a near infinity of clothing combination choices.

I also have many options for how I will define myself. I can use my clothing, my words, my actions, and my resources to create any image I decide to. Or I can choose to claim identity in Christ and nothing else.

When this is what I “wear” – the love and grace of Jesus Christ – it simplifies a great many things. I more often make decisions based on what I know and not only on what I feel. I am less easily offended and offer forgiveness more quickly. I stand with more boldness because I remember that strength comes not from what I can do but what Jesus can do through me. I can choose to “wear” Jesus as my identity.

I love wearing black. I have many combinations of black, white, and gray in my closet because for me, it somehow always works. When I don’t know what to wear, or when I’m feeling a bit nervous about what I have to do that day, I will often reach for a casual black dress (of which I have several) and pair it with some favorite accessories. Instantly I feel like my outside appearance is both comfortable and confident.

Do we reach for Jesus the way I reach for my black dresses? Is He want we most want to “wear”? Do we allow His heart to be seen by the world through us because that’s Who we love, Who we serve, and Who we depend on for our identity and definition? It can be. We need only to clothe ourselves in Him.

Peace.

New Life In Christ

Galatians 2:20 holds these words, “it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.” In this New Testament book, the apostle Paul is talking to early Christians about the vast difference between following the Law and living by faith. If we bottom-line it, he’s talking about the struggle between the old way of being right with God and a new response when they embraced Jesus Christ as Messiah.

I don’t know about you, but letting go of old ways is tough for me. Sometimes I don’t even realize I’m holding onto something until it’s practically strangling me. I find this especially true with my train of thought. Over the past couple of years as I’ve spent time with a professional trained in trauma therapy, I have learned that I can retrain my thought process, but it takes intentionality and time.

For me, my “go-to” emotions when I face a challenge are feeling rejected, left out, and not good enough. When I have an experience that invites me into this way of thinking, I must remember what I know to be true about who I am in Christ. Christ does not reject me even if the world does. He does not exclude me for I am His adopted daughter. And though I may not be worthy, that is not an issue between Him and me. His blood covers my unworthiness and invites me into a righteous relationship with Him.

So I have a choice, don’t I? I can think about what I’ve always thought about myself in those situations and behave the way I used to. Or I can claim the truth in Galatians that reminds me I don’t have to be like I used to be. “The life I now live in the body I live by faith [by adhering to, relying on, and completely trusting] in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.” Galatians 2:20b AMP

I can’t change my past, and you can’t change yours either. We can’t change our decisions or what someone may have done to us. We can’t change what we used to think or believe. We can’t change years of grief or unforgiveness. The past cannot change. But we do not have to let our past define us. We are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17), and we can claim that newness. And when we are tempted to look back to who we were then or go back to old habits and ways of thinking, we can choose to stand firm in the One – in the only One – who promises joy and rest for those who turn to Him.

Peace.

Silence The Opinion Of Others

Three Sundays each month finds me leading worship and preaching in a small Presbyterian church in Carterville, Illinois. The Lord first led me to this congregation almost a year and a half ago. They were without a pastor, and I began to fill in for them occasionally. Over time, relationships developed, and they invited me to serve them on a more frequent basis.

I had been with them for a while when I felt a stirring of the Holy Spirit in regards to how I delivered a message on the Sundays I was with them. This group of people is working to discern next steps for their church, and I felt God was inviting me to consider offering more interactive teaching rather than preaching. Teaching is something I do all the time, but I have never taught in a Sunday service. When I teach, I ask a lot of questions and encourage discussion. And for the most part, that isn’t what people are expecting during a Sunday morning service.

So I had a decision to make, didn’t I? I could either take a risk and step out in obedience to the Holy Spirit leading I felt, or I could turn away from that instruction and continue to conduct services in the way everyone knew. No one would fault me for sticking to what I’d been doing. In fact, if I chose not to share my Holy Spirit experience, no one would ever know I’d decided anything at all.

In Galatians 1:10, Paul challenges us with a contrasting idea. His words indicate that we have a choice. We can seek to win the favor and approval of other people, or we can serve Christ. Now, this doesn’t mean that if we serve Christ, no one will like us. Some people will like us very much. But it does mean we need to be honest about our motivation. Do we make decisions based on gaining popularity? Or do we make decisions based on obeying the instructions of Christ?

Here’s some encouraging news for you. It took me a while, but I did start teaching interactively instead of preaching during our Sunday morning time together. And so far, it has been well received. We all have some work to do to get more comfortable with this new style. But God has honored both my obedience and the congregation’s openness. Together, we are gaining a deeper understanding of the Bible and how it speaks to our lives.

I was concerned they wouldn’t like it. Even deeper, I was concerned they wouldn’t like me for trying it. But neither of these things have proven true, and I’m grateful. I’m also grateful for the opportunity to stand at a crossroads and make an important decision. When faced with a Holy Spirit calling, will we shrink away because we are concerned about our reputation? Or will we step out in steadfast determination to serve Christ?

These are challenging words worth pondering from the apostle Paul. Am I now trying to win the favor and approval of men, or of God? If I were still trying to be popular with men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10 [AMP].

Peace.

Discovering The Joy Of What’s Inside

My younger son, Josh, loves to watch a show on YouTube called, “What’s Inside.” On the videos, a father and son team cut open a variety of objects ranging from rattlesnake tails to a 30-year-old can of soup to discover what’s inside.

I don’t know about you, but it’s taken me a long time to be willing to look at what’s inside my own heart. God has been leading me on a path of discovery that has been both joyous and painful. But I’m continuing to take steps towards Him as He leads me because I’m also discovering a stronger, more consistent sense of peace.

This week as we take a look at the Disney heroine Mulan, the question in her theme song asks, “when will my reflection show who I am inside?” She’s trying to be someone on the outside that doesn’t accurately communicate who she is on the inside. It creates tension for her that is uncomfortable and begs for reconciliation.

For those of us who are Jesus followers, the answer to the question of who we are is so simple. We are His. Our reflection should be of Him. Our unique personalities, gifts, and interests have been granted to us by Him to represent Him. But no matter the individual ways we stand for Him and point others to Him, a picture of Him is ultimately what others should see. We should reflect Him.

This past week, I gathered with eight hundred women in Concord, North Carolina at the She Speaks 2019 conference. Eight hundred uniquely gifted, extraordinarily brave, captivatingly beautiful women. Each is feeling a pull to give more of herself in ministry — each sacrificing time and money to better understand her calling. Among them, I made some new friends. Among them, I had moments of true connection with another person. Among them, I experienced the presence of the Holy Spirit. Among them, I remembered that whenever I am in doubt of my worth in this world, I only need to look to the One who gave His life that I might know His deep love for me. I am who He says I am.

I will show the world what’s inside my heart and be loved for who I am. Thank you, Mulan.

Peace.