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Inner Freedom Hacks for Busy Mamas

Here is a go-to section of inspired actions that create the foundations of inner freedom. As a mother, life can get busy - so use this guide as a quick reminder of some actions that bring you back into alignment. Journaling: Free the pen · Journaling is an exceptional method of reflection. · Treat journaling as an experiment rather than a duty. · Your journal is a record of the unconscious inner workings that have controlled your life. It’s time to let in the light and give that control back to the authentic “you.” Detachment: Free the chains · Detachment is the practice of releasing things that create draining, negative energy. · Decide whether challenging situations deserve a response. · Remind yourself that others’ reactions reflect their inner worlds and are not true statements about you. · When you find yourself being pulled into a vortex of negative emotions, try to see them objectively, not as something happening to you. Meditation: Free the anchor · Meditation is the practice of quieting your mind with attention in the present moment. · Create a space that is yours to encourage a positive psychological response. · Access your intuition through regular meditation and connect to an undisturbed well of knowledge through this place of calm. Reconditioning: Free the habit · Our lives are based on our emotions and belief system. This is made up of all the conditionings we have all been exposed to in early life. People, environment, experiences, and habits have reinforced their strength of our beliefs. · Reconditioning is a gentle and consistent way of changing even the most negative habits. It starts by replacing a damaging habit with a more nourishing one. · When you start noticing negative habits that sap your energy, write them down. Look at the relationship you have with this habit, why it has been formed and what it might be covering up. Do you notice a need to escape your life are there any unresolved issues that trigger your habit? · Every time you notice a negative pattern emerging again, detach yourself from their control and remind yourself you are fully responsible and capable of changing that which does not serve you. You do not have to commit to any habit, energy, or command that does not result in love, openness, and empowerment. · Use a trigger that usually affects you to remind yourself to take a different action than the one you are reliant on. Slowly change your triggers to neutral ones, if not a positive one. · Start redefining yourself by a future you want to experience and not a past you have been habitually conditioned to define yourself from. This means practicing visualization using a mood board, which is discussed later in this chapter and in Part Two. · It is a fact that your conditions do not make up who really you are, and if you need more freedom in your life, you need to start creating incremental habits that are different to the ones you live in now. This opens you up to an infinite amount of possibilities in life and you will be able to consciously choose the best version of life to manifest into reality. Mindfulness: Free the past and future · Mindfulness is the act of bringing your consciousness to your present activity. Unlike its name intends, being mindful means to be out of your mind’s thoughts and into your sensory perceptions; feeling, seeing, hearing, tasting everything the moment has to offer. · Remember that joy resides in the now and that this moment is all that exists in your life. When you simplify this existential factor, you may be able to see that all of your life has been a series of “nows” and this creates the life you are presently living in. If you want to create change in life, now is always the right time to do it because no other concept of time exists. · When you experience fear and doubt you are living in the future when you experience regret or depression you are living in the past. Whenever you experience these emotions try to figure out why and whether it requires action. If 80% of our days are lived outside the present moment, we are essentially only giving 20% of our efforts into consciously creating our lives. · Mindfulness is beautifully practiced through our interaction with our children and spouses. Deeply listening and responding to their questions with awareness of their needs is a great way to deepen bonds, actively participate in their worlds and live a life without regretting “not being there.” Compassion and gratitude: Free the judgment · Compassion is the ability to deeply look into someone else’s life and feel their pain. Although mothers have a high connection to this emotion, our lives can become so busy that our worlds turn around our own minuscule radius. · Take a moment each day to reach out to someone that may need help. Whether it is in the form of a smile, a helping hand, an opening of a door—the selflessness that comes from turning your view outwards will raise your vibration and resonate deeply with your higher self. Acting in accordance with the highest version of yourself is the path to freedom and empowers you to make the right decisions. · We want to practice compassion without return to truly tap into freedom, so try to detach yourself from the reward. When you find yourself wondering how to help others when you have so much going on in your own life, remember that when you practice true compassion, the universe will always respond with likeness. It's like threading another bead onto the chord of our humanity—connecting and strengthening our oneness. · Gratitude is the practice of recognizing elements in our life that we are truly happy for. When we are aware of the small details in the tapestry of our life, the greater the vibrancy of our existence. · When we come from a place of “lacking” and continue to see our lives as unfulfilling, then we are perpetuating a cycle that will forever see the absentees over attendees. · Every day, write down five things you are grateful for. This can be incorporated into bedtime routines with children and provides valuable insight into your child’s perception of the world. · Remember—the more you are grateful for the life you already have, the more your life will pivot toward more experiences that respond in gratitude. · Perspective is a way of allowing yourself distance. Remember the story of the pyramids and how a little perspective is sometimes all we need in order to reach the horizon. Physical: Free the body · To create a physical habit that energizes your mind and body, keep it simple. Some may find yoga the right practice for them, others may find incorporating adventure, dance, or play into physical activities better suited to their personalities. · Treat your relationship with exercise with an open mind, one that allows you to see how you deal with the rest of your life, and ask yourself if that is how you want to define yourself. · The moment exercise becomes seen as a duty, a task, rigid and inflexible the less likely you will stick to it, so make it sociable and fun, or feed off the psychological rewards for motivation. · Start incrementally with simple steps such as putting on your trainers and then walking down to the bottom of your road. If you continue, then great! If not, don’t worry about it and do it again tomorrow. Do this for 21 days to create a lifelong habit. · The body is a mind’s playground. Treat it that way. It’s an experimental process to get more movement into our days because there are so many other things seeking our prioritization. Use your body as an outlet to your mind and challenge your problems with it. · Remember to listen to your body. It is the vessel you have this lifetime to carry you, to protect you, to nourish you. It’s your sacred responsibility to show it daily attention, love, and gratitude for all it has provided you with. When you cannot see the good in it, remind yourself of the life you have nurtured within, the double heartbeat that grew from one, and the little soul that flourished from its primordial knowledge. · Your body is a gift that responds in accordance to your mind. Be aware that this reflection is a beautiful thing and if you seek to change, do it from within first. · When you find yourself disliking your reflection, don’t try and change the mirror, try change how you see yourself. Nature: Free the wild · Inner freedom can be discovered through spending time in natural environments. Our smallness and place in the world are experienced when we connect with nature, its wildness, and its changing seasons. · Grounding yourself in nature is one of the best ways to reconnect to the bigger picture. Spend time with bare feet, bare hands, and exposing skin to the elements. · Rewild yourself with incremental excursions into nature. Acknowledge the numerous, documented benefits of spending time in nature and remind yourself that even a short walk outdoors, spent mindfully will have a dramatic effect on your mind-set. · Discover more about the world of natural therapy and how it can alleviate many emotional symptoms of depression, anxiety, and hormonal imbalances. Humor: Free the weight · Life as a mother has many moments that remind us that life should not be taken too seriously. From the struggle of keeping up our ego in embarrassing moments to the endearing actions and words that come out of our children, we can learn to step back, see the moment as it is and lighten the seriousness we tend to place on everything. · Detachment is a companion to humor as it takes a conscious moment to step back and look from an outsider's point of view of a situation. Once you start practicing small amounts of this combination you will notice a lightening of moods. · See the mortality of life through a humoristic perspective. We are spiritual beings having an earthly experience and are on this planet for but a second in time. Give yourself a moment every day to remember the meaning you give to life and laugh at how you sometimes get caught up in it all. Community: Free the loneliness · Being a part of a like-minded community is an encouraging way of keeping up with your practices and further developing your knowledge. · Join groups that play on a wide variety of your interests and not just the one-sided view of life. · Remind yourself that everyone has something to teach you even those who you don’t have anything in common with. These are especially great conversations and interactions as they develop your mind to create more space for compassion and tolerance, seeing a different point of view or reaffirming your own beliefs. · Practice compassion whenever you feel like you are being judged, or when you fear rejection. No one finds the art of making friends easy and it takes patience to let a tribe grow organically. Know that even the most extrovert of people can have had deeply isolating experiences. Mind-set: Free the foundations · Our attitudes toward the day are set the moment we wake, so be mindful of the way you wake up. · Wake 30 minutes before the household wakes and spend this time as you would in another life. Reading books, indulging in your passions, creating ideas, sipping coffee mindfully—see this time as an extension to your life, allowing valuable practices to be focused on in peace. · Place inspiring objects or books by your bedside. Keep them non-electric devices. Tune into what you need most in the morning to ensure a positive outlook. This will be the tone of your day and vital to help with personal growth. · A good start to the day begins with a good night’s sleep. Prioritize this first and it will create a domino effect to the rest of your week, ensuring positive, high-vibe energy every day. Intuition: Free the guidance · Your inner compass is our most reliable way of navigating your life toward the best outcome. Intuition’s sole priority is to guide you to your best life. · Intuitive responses are not rationalized with the head but felt with the heart. Tune into your heartbeat by thinking of all the emotions you feel toward someone you love and ask a question that requires direction. Note in your journal any illogical inner responses to reflect on later. · Intuition is always felt in the present. With the practice of mindfulness, you are able to open a gateway into communicating with your intuition. · Document your dreams and practice free-writing to discover the hidden messages of your subconscious. · An intuitive decision will always create the best outcome. Look at your life and see how the major, positive peaks were created by opportunities or choices that were taken by listening to that inner pull. I hope this resonates with you and your journey through motherhood. Feel free to share with others who might be in need of a little lightness in their life or comment below to share your thoughts or own tips. Subscribe for a exclusive book updates and free chapter excerpts! I N S T A G R A M & F A C E B O O K

Q&A about Healing HER, the new poetry book out in May 2019.

I have been asked a lot questions about the process of writing two books in a year, and thought I would give you some insight to the how's and why's that brought me to write two very different books - one traditionally published and another self-published. 1. Why have you decided to self-publish your book of poetry when you have another book being traditionally published at the end of the year? To me, life is about trying everything. I truly believe you can't have certainty in anything - unless you have tried all options within your power. Anyone who is interested in publishing anything these days knows the vast, and often merry-go-round of information about both traditional and self publishing options. There are valid reasons for benefitting from both - but how do you know which one will work for you as an individual if you don't try both? I am an entrepreneurial minded person - so I wanted to have full-control of the poetry book and its illustrations. I wanted the soul-creation of it to stay in tact - while the non fiction book will benefit from others’ skill sets such as line and copy editing. 2. How did you get a traditionally published deal as a first time Author? Determination and openness. I was shifting my life as I wrote the first book from working in the fashion industry to becoming a fully independent Author, and I used every critique, every disappointing response, every unwanted comment about the book as learning curve. I split myself into two - One side of me was an artist, a creative and deeply involved in the process of research and writing - the other part of me became third person to the business side of writing. I was detached and almost saw emailing manuscripts, talking with publishers, responding to advice etc as if I was an agent for someone else. On the practical side of getting a deal - I approached only a select few houses that I knew had the right audience for the book. They were much more open to non-agented authors in non-fiction, so the genre also helped me. I was determined not to get an agent and not to give up before I had a contract in my hand. I got three contracts in the end and chose the publishing house that would be able to get my message out to as many of my target audience as possible. On the spiritual side of getting a deal - I sent the book out on a full moon, no joke. I had been manifesting this outcome for the 8 months I was writing the book. I didn't watch, listen, read anything other than what would help me get a book deal - and I never read about how hard it is to get one - because we all know that already. On the physical/psychological side of getting a book deal - I ran every morning - I meditated every day - I checked in with myself and aligned with the greater message I wanted to share with people - I went completely off social media - I focussed on my family and moments of self-care so that if I didn't get a book deal - I wouldn't have given myself, or them up for nothing. 3. How did you manage writing a 70k word non-fiction book and an illustrated poetry book in 1 year - while being a mother of young children? Madness. It helps. A lot. I gave myself 8 months to write and get a publishing contract - I had just quit my job and the combination of passion and pressure gave me the right combination of motivation. I created a plan for everyday and stuck to it. Mindfulness was my saviour. When I picked up the children, I was WITH them and when I worked, I gave it everything I had. I kept high-vibe about everything I put into the books and never wrote when I was tired or uninspired. My mornings were PROactice and evenings were REactive. This meant I woke at 5am and wrote for 2 hours before getting the kids ready for school/daycare. After dropping them off ( my daughter only goes in 3 days a week), I ran 5 kms and listened to motivational podcasts. I meditated just before getting back into writing. I wrote 2000 words a day as a target. When I picked up the kids 5 hours later and until they were in bed, I truly let myself relax and be mindful with them. After bedtime I would read books that inspired my own genre and went to bed really early. The weekends were ours as a family and I never worked at night. Enduring, unsocial, isolating - yes. Incredibly productive - absolutely. 4. Your poetry book, Healing HER - How can you compete with the likes of Rapi Kuar and other 'Instagram Poets'? I believe poets are not competitors but companions - and those who have that approach are being true to their art. My poetry comes from my unique life, just as any poet. I have the psychological makeup of madness, which mixes well with creativity - and for me the written word has always held a potency like no other art form I know. To me, my expression is not melding modern slang against themselves, their politicians or their society - but the rising up through self empowerment that then make up the power of the collective conscious. My poetry is emotion-based - and emotions are what rules our entire life. Everything we are motivated towards is an emotion. Our tangible wants are really the desire to FEEL something good. So, I don't write about depression - but how to get yourself out of it - because I know intimately the suffering it brings to you and others. I don't write about hurt, pain, ancestral wounds, loss - but how to revive yourself from those experiences - because I know how deeply those afflictions can tear away weeks, months, years from your precious life. I don't wish my readers to associate with the emotions that got them into their state - but align with the emotions that help heal and create new ways of seeing their world. It's an awakening - and that is what separates my work. I love the work of those who give a voice to those who cannot literate their own emotions - But I also believe there needs to be a voice that expresses how grow through these difficult times, not just be a witness to them. This is my mission and why I believe poetry is so self-empowering ... it's literally condensed behavioural therapy. 5. How have you had the energy to do all of this? When I worked full time in Scandinavia's largest fashion company as a designer and then marketing manager - I was exhausted. Not just tired - but I would pick my son up as the last child in daycare and crumble into a heap of heaviness as soon as I got home. I felt like Golem, literally the shrivelled up, bent over version of myself. I ate whatever I could fry/oven/burn in 10 minutes and I numbed out in front of a whole lot of t.v. I went to bed late and woke up tired. Rinse, repeat. Day in, day out. For 3 years. I never felt like I had energy - giving excuses like 'This is motherhood - it's supposed to be like this' - Or 'This is what it takes to work in the fashion industry - It's just how it is'. I took loads of vitamins - thought I had an iron deficiency, or some unidentifiable illness that was slowly condensing me into a stress-pulp. I drank wine at the weekends, sometimes on a weekday...often on weekday - and that made me feel more exhausted. I look back at how I used to live and see one big worn-out, tired, shadow of who I really was. I realised at my hardest part of life that my energy was being tapped out into unfulfilling places and my exhaustion was not a 'part of life' like everyone kept telling me - but that it was a signal of being very far off from my best life. Mediocre seems to be the cause of exhaustion. I began running when I was at my most exhausted. And started feeling more energised. I learnt (and I literally needed to learn) how to run a few km's after work and I began to beat out the office mentally into the sidewalks. This gave me a little more energy to read at night - so I started reading my Buddhist books again and learnt detachment, compassion, non-duality - which helped me survive in the work-place. This then gave me the distance to look at my work as it really was - soul draining and a paradox to the values I held for myself and my family. So I quit. This gave me the passion and ignited the ever-burning power of soul-driven energy to create work that is truly meaningful to me and has the possibility to help others. I have never had so much energy in my life as now. Being tired is a lifestyle - I am the energiser bunny version of who I used to be because of this change in diet...and not just in terms of food, but the mental, social, workplace, friendship diet that is clean, meaningful and wholesome. Incremental steps in aligning with what feels good again - is the key to heal every type of exhaustion. 6. What was the biggest cause of your own suffering - and what lead you to write a book about healing? I have come to see that all types of suffering actually come from oneself. Situations that occur in life can always have two outcomes; to weaken you and justify your way of thinking or, to empower you with a new mindset. Most of my suffering was because I chose to justify a belief that I was lost, lonely and not able to find contentment with my life. The moment I decided to be fully intentional with my life was the moment I realised that I could validate all kinds of other positive stories about myself like, I am resilient, independent and creative. So, living with emotional suffering sometimes causes us to live within the stories we tell ourselves - and to break away is to become responsible for our attitudes. This is why I write intentional poetry - because it has an intention to heal, not to 'just' be a witness to pain. 7. Why do you have flower illustrations in the poetry book? My mother is a floral artist, and as a child she would hang-dry entire garages of flowers up in the hangers so she could create art pieces for hotels in Southern Africa. My early life has revolved around helping my mother dip-die flowers (the white flowers were always cheaper than coloured ones so she would bulk-buy them...) and spreading all the colourful bunches on the dry ground outside our farmhouse. The die would stain my hands, my clothes and of course the ground, so everything looked like an art-installation. I love the feminine qualities of flowers, their ability to give life to bare room, and how they represent forgiveness and love. Flowers are part of my history and remind me of how much my mother went through in her life to make the artistic empire she has today. 8. What is the next book in the series going to be about? I am so excited that this is a series- I have called it the Sacred Self Healing series because there are many resonance to the way we heal. One way is through the feminine super-power of allowing, nurturing and creativity - but there are other energies that heal too, and that is my intention; to provide the complete guide to all healing energies through this series of poetry. Subscribe for a exclusive book updates and free chapter excerpts! Thanks for reading and let me know if you have any more questions or if you would like to learn how to write your own healing poetry! I run an online healing poetry workshop which you can join for free. Just SUBSCRIBE to the mailing list on the bottom and I will be in touch. I N S T A G R A M & F A C E B O O K READ ABOUT THE MOTHERHOOD, SPIRITUALITY & LONELINESS HERE...

Motherhood, spirituality & loneliness

Two of the most isolating experiences in life are; becoming a parent and going through a spiritual awakening. But what if you are doing both at the same time? I have always been a solitary soul. I used to lose myself as a child in the bush of southern Africa, and when I discovered I had a home within myself, I rarely wanted to return to reality. Before family life, I solo-traveled extensively for almost ten years, so I got used to being self sufficient and valued the time to myself as self-developmental. But then I became a mother. And suddenly being alone became actually lonely. I didn't only struggle with very common challenge of becoming a mother and trying to hold on to some threads of identity - but I also married a foreigner, embarked on an inner spiritual quest and literally became the lonely writer scribbling away her thoughts in an attic. Loneliness as a new mother was already well and truly present in me before I found my spirituality - and I was not prepared for how the two types of isolation would deepen the void. To be clear, I refer to spirituality as the ability to find guidance in your life - whether it comes in the form of a God, the universe, nature, your higher-being or simply yourself - doesn’t matter in my world - but the power to guide your life through intuitive alignment is what makes spirituality so incredibly empowering. Spirituality is the greatest act of self-care any woman can give herself in motherhood, because it is a time that we are most prone to the influence of other’s expectations. I know what it is like to try empower your own life while also being responsible for your family. I know you don't only want to share your challenges of motherhood with someone else who is a mother - you want to share your inner being with someone who understands the universe. Not only do you want to hang out with other 'awakened' people who have soulful conversations and inspire you with their own journey - you want to be around people who are doing this while still getting through piles of laundry, dropping off/picking up kids, bettering the lives of their families by being present and are possibly in the process of becoming independent with their own soul-crafted business - because they too, have recognised their contribution to the world comes from being able to tell their story and help others. Spirituality in motherhood and motherhood in spirituality are both truly complimenting elements, but the weight of both their isolations can become twice the density. When you feel the compounding weight of loneliness on your spiritual path as a mother, I have 7 steps that will change the way you see your loneliness. These are seven fundamental steps that can bring you back to your wholeness when loneliness hollows you from the inside out. Let's begin: 1 - Recognise your loneliness for what it is You can be an active member on every spiritual/motherhood community page on social media - and still feel lonely. In fact, the modern interpretation has become synonymous for its psychological state of feeling separated - and not a physical distance from other people. Feeling lonely as a mother while on a spiritual journey is supposed to be an introspective process. Although at times these feelings can be shifted by being in the company of those who truly understand you, accept that life is simply a journey through your own consciousness. Even when your partner can’t support your spiritual needs, become the person who tells yourself everything you wish others would say to you and watch how incredibly strong you become. 2 - We are all lonely At the same time as understanding that you are a singular person - remember the inherent Oneness of the world. Every single person you meet has been lonely in some way and will understand the magnitude it can weigh on your heart. Even the most confident, outgoing, social woman in the playground will have bouts of extreme loneliness so come to see past this ego because it is often those who make overt efforts to seem sociable that are most lonely. Compassion towards others and keeping in alignment with your core being can help ease the feeling that no one else understands what you are going through. 3 - Notice loneliness as a sign of dwindling empowerment When you feel most empowered in life, you rarely feel that hollowing isolation, even when you spend days on end only talking to a baby or your own family. It is the difference between owning your solitude and becoming victim to it. Unlike the overtly confident person who compensates loneliness for false confidence - the woman who is empowered by her life is subtly strong and recognises this period as transient. When you use the self-empowerment that comes with spirituality, you can see how this time alone offers deep introspection into who you really are - as a mother but also as an independent being. 4 - Do more of what you love Creating that sense of empowerment means doing what makes you you - and more often. When you feel isolated and cannot take control of the emotions that keep you being victim to that isolation - do something that you truly love. As a parent, this is the crux to life - how to find the time to do what I love?! Consider time spent in early mornings and evenings as sacred - a time to indulge in self-care. Time spent in a creative process is the highest form of self-love. So whether it is knitting, drawing, writing, painting, cooking, reading or meditating - know that this is combatting the emotions that keep you pinned into a helpless state. Loneliness can also be an incredible tool for creative writing, art and even entrepreneurship - so it is essential to channel these emotions into creative work so they can be shared, and perhaps you will even become a platform of resonance to others. 5 - Write your own poetry You may journal - but have you tried poetry? As a mother, condensing time into only potent activities can be the difference between feeling exhausted all the time and feeling free. This goes for writing too. Poetry has been used for centuries as healing for the soul as it simplifies complex emotions into simple sentences. You can write your own witness-based poetry, which means you describe the emotions you are feeling and use as many metaphors and similes as possible to try and articulate your emotions. Or, you can write intention-based poetry, which means you try and stand back from your emotions and see how to navigate yourself towards a more healing state of mind. I have written a book of intention-based poetry, which you can find HERE - or simply try using your higher-self to give you advice through the pen. Don't worry what form, grammar, style or voice your poetry has. It is about being truly mindful to your state of mind and writing short, potent sentences to transform these complex thoughts into simple statements that you can step back and read to gain insight. 6 -Accept that everyone is on their own path Being a spiritual mother makes you more susceptible to other's mindlessness. But it is not a reason to use up your energy on trying to awaken others. I would personally love this super-power but I try transmute this energy in my books rather on the streets of Copenhagen. I spent 6 months actively trying to find people like myself when I arrived in Denmark. I was a new mother without roots or culture - I was deeply trying to find myself through Buddhism - I was sleep-deprived which felt the same as experiencing a constant psychedelic trip - I needed to find people who I could share the burden with - so I went out looking. I attended yoga, went to sister circles, mixed-religion choir classes, cocoa ceremonies, philosophy nights, book clubs... I made some incredible friends and when it came to meeting up - I never had the time to meet them on their schedule because they were all single - and schedule wasn't even a thing to them. What I learnt from this 'experiment' was to own my unique situation and to appreciate myself for at least trying. I settled into being ok with this type of loneliness and have actually made more friends this way. The few women who are spiritual and are mothers with packed days will be the people who notice you a mile away - and will not likely let you get away. 7 - Free your loneliness into nature I am an advocate for how nature truly heals and we spend most of our holidays in the wilderness. This is a place you can be most at ease with your loneliness because you become one with your primal essence. There are few things in nature that have a life-span as long as humans, and yet they are all busy being themselves. We have bee hives at our cabin and they are what I go to in times of isolation. Each, individual bee has a task and each and every one is valued for their contribution to life of the Queen. I feel she represents the collective consciousness in our world and as long as we are doing our individual inner work - we can take care of the greater monarch. The secret to dealing with motherhood and spiritual loneliness does not lie in trying to make it disappear but in finding ways to dwell within its abstractions, talk through its contradictions and seek to destigmatize it through using it as a creative tool. I would love to share journeys, challenges and experiences in motherhood while on a spiritual path with you, so feel free to share, discuss and connect with me if this post resonated with you by leaving a comment below or joining our group online HERE.