Constance Daley's Blog - Posts Tagged "submission"
Coercion
Of all my stories currently available on Amazon, No-Telling is probably the most objectionable to the largest number of people. There are a lot of reasons for this, but I'm not going to discount the fact that the level of coercion is very high in this story. I'm also not going to lie, I find coercion sexy, but only when the coercion leads to pleasure.
In a society where many women still have their sexuality stifled, they can allow themselves to be talked into something they want to do anyway. By offering lip service to denial, they don't gain the negative reputation from their actions because they had to be talked into it. I find the fact that society functions in this way distressing, but I also write for women as we are, not as we should be. Which brings me back to coercion in my stories.
For the women who need some type of permission to explore their fantasies, having the character be coerced allows them to inhabit the character more fully. Freeing the character from culpability allows the writer to push boundaries that could not be explored otherwise. Most women would not be comfortable with the character in No-Telling if she initiated the actions, but because she is just as forced as her lover, there is no blame. So it's okay when she gets turned on by things that are beyond the pale of normal society.
Human sexuality is a tangled knot, and the knot unravels in different ways for each of us. To a certain extent, once we reach a certain age it is monumentally difficult to change the way we view sex. For some women, brought up in certain ways, it will never be okay in their own minds for them to be turned on by certain things. This actually applies to many women to at least a certain extent (myself included, there are still things in the bedroom that are much more erotic if I'm playing the submissive, allowing it to be done to me instead of asking for it to be done). There are no easy answers or solutions to any of this.
In a society where many women still have their sexuality stifled, they can allow themselves to be talked into something they want to do anyway. By offering lip service to denial, they don't gain the negative reputation from their actions because they had to be talked into it. I find the fact that society functions in this way distressing, but I also write for women as we are, not as we should be. Which brings me back to coercion in my stories.
For the women who need some type of permission to explore their fantasies, having the character be coerced allows them to inhabit the character more fully. Freeing the character from culpability allows the writer to push boundaries that could not be explored otherwise. Most women would not be comfortable with the character in No-Telling if she initiated the actions, but because she is just as forced as her lover, there is no blame. So it's okay when she gets turned on by things that are beyond the pale of normal society.
Human sexuality is a tangled knot, and the knot unravels in different ways for each of us. To a certain extent, once we reach a certain age it is monumentally difficult to change the way we view sex. For some women, brought up in certain ways, it will never be okay in their own minds for them to be turned on by certain things. This actually applies to many women to at least a certain extent (myself included, there are still things in the bedroom that are much more erotic if I'm playing the submissive, allowing it to be done to me instead of asking for it to be done). There are no easy answers or solutions to any of this.
In Sex, Few Things Are Inherently Good or Bad
I've had a number of female friends over the years who, while discussing a particular sexual act, will say something along the lines of "I would never let my boyfriend/husband do that, it's so humiliating." I'm always left wondering why they don't take the next step and really evaluate the act in question. There doesn't have to be anything wrong with humiliation, just like there doesn't have to be anything wrong with submission, just like there doesn't have to be anything wrong with pretty much anything in the realm of your sex life. It's about how you feel about each of these things that matters.
Take me for example. I'd make a terrible submissive, but that doesn't meant there's anything wrong with the concept. It just doesn't work for me. I'm not a big fan of being humiliated either (though reading about it really works for me, so who knows), but that doesn't mean that it doesn't work for some women. I've known women who get off on the idea of being humiliated, who enjoy the feeling of shame, and I think that's great. If shame works for you, I'm okay with that. If it doesn't work for you, but you're letting your lover shame you anyway, then that can be a problem.
This whole issue can get really interesting dependent upon the situation. Most women seem to agree that certain things are beneath them, and would never do them. For example, porn stars do ass to mouth, but that's something that most women probably wouldn't do (or at least wouldn't admit to). It's disgusting, they would say, and they may be right. But I had a friend who wouldn't give her boyfriend a blowjob because the thought of that was disgusting. Is she wrong? Nope, not necessarily. Like I said before, your sexuality is your own, and thus it is rarely wrong. The exception to that is if you have an aversion to something because someone else has taught you to and you blindly accepted it.
All I ask my readers is that they do their best to be honest with themselves. If they find themselves dismissing something with a simple word like "humiliating" or "disgusting," then evaluate how those words make them feel. You might be surprised to find that there's a little eroticism of the forbidden awaiting you behind such simple declarations.
Take me for example. I'd make a terrible submissive, but that doesn't meant there's anything wrong with the concept. It just doesn't work for me. I'm not a big fan of being humiliated either (though reading about it really works for me, so who knows), but that doesn't mean that it doesn't work for some women. I've known women who get off on the idea of being humiliated, who enjoy the feeling of shame, and I think that's great. If shame works for you, I'm okay with that. If it doesn't work for you, but you're letting your lover shame you anyway, then that can be a problem.
This whole issue can get really interesting dependent upon the situation. Most women seem to agree that certain things are beneath them, and would never do them. For example, porn stars do ass to mouth, but that's something that most women probably wouldn't do (or at least wouldn't admit to). It's disgusting, they would say, and they may be right. But I had a friend who wouldn't give her boyfriend a blowjob because the thought of that was disgusting. Is she wrong? Nope, not necessarily. Like I said before, your sexuality is your own, and thus it is rarely wrong. The exception to that is if you have an aversion to something because someone else has taught you to and you blindly accepted it.
All I ask my readers is that they do their best to be honest with themselves. If they find themselves dismissing something with a simple word like "humiliating" or "disgusting," then evaluate how those words make them feel. You might be surprised to find that there's a little eroticism of the forbidden awaiting you behind such simple declarations.
