Jonathan Puddle's Blog, page 2
March 18, 2019
The Deep Dive
Make a list of all the things you spend time doing in a regular week. Call this list “Busy.”
Make a list of the things you are willing to commit the next 10 years of your life to. Call this list “The Deep Dive.”
They say it takes 10 years or 10,000 hours to truly become a master at something. Mastering requires a deep dive. As you reach your 30s and beyond, three categories of people will emerge around you: those who have done a deep dive, those who have not done a deep dive, and those who can...
March 11, 2019
How to turn your husband down for sex
In an ideal scenario, sex is a manifestation of loving commitment. There’s no experience more intimate or more exclusive. We communicate our loving passion by serving one another in pleasure while opening ourselves up in vulnerability. “I am open to you, I will not hide, I risk being hurt by you and I will only love you.” Our bodies, minds and hormones respond by reforging the bonds of love, making the connection ever stronger.
But… there is also housework and children and work and miscarriag...
March 4, 2019
How to take privileges away without becoming a monster
I recently provided some practical discipline tips for parents and I encouraged parents not to take privileges away in a punitive fashion. In another article, the 5 punishment languages, I went as far as saying that if you take things away from kids who have the love language of gifts, you will crush their spirit and teach them a false relationship between behaviour and possessions.
All of that could easily lead you to believe that we never take privileges away from our children and that I do...
February 25, 2019
When God hardens Pharaoh's heart
I sat in the office chair clenching and unclenching my fists beneath the table. Breathe in. Breathe out. Stay cool. Don’t shout. Be gracious. Take the heat. Don’t respond in like manner. Be humble. Breathe.
Me: “God, what on earth is going on here?”
God: “I have hardened Pharaoh’s heart.”
The Biblical narrative tells us that God promised Abraham a land for his descendants to dwell in. Abraham moves there and in time, his son, grandson and great-grandsons establish themselves in the land. But t...
February 18, 2019
Practical discipline tips for parents
One of my great passions is helping people live in the freedom and love that they are capable of living in. As a parent, children’s pastor and deep thinker I’m convinced that much of our limited view of ourselves and our potential is due to the disciplinary practices we were raised with, as well as the bad theology underpinning them. To help parents raise their standard I’ve introduced the concept of un-discipline: parenting that is rooted in the self-sacrificial love of God, which we see mo...
February 11, 2019
How to Build Community (guest post with Melissa Joy Boerger)
If you’ve ever lived away from established friends and family you’ll know the importance of intentionally making friends and building community. When we lived in Finland we worked hard at connecting with others in order to create family and community around us. Within a few years we were surrounded by an amazing group of people who took care of one another and shared their lives together. Our door was never locked, people would come and go through our house daily, meals would be shared, neig...
February 4, 2019
Love your neighbour, not yourself.
That’s not what the passage of scripture says, but I think it’s what I’ve believed much of my life. Love your neighbour instead of yourself. This worked for me because in my framework, I was the helper, I was the giver, the one who took care of others. Self-sacrificial love was one of my core values. I lay my life down for you, and I encourage you to do likewise for others. That’s what it means to love powerfully.
But some part of my heart became resentful of the love that I gave away to othe...
January 28, 2019
What if nothing needs to change?
What if my kid is loud and boisterous?
What if my kid is emotional and standoffish?
What if my kid is a constantly moving, wriggling, excitable, feral creature?
What if my kid is an annoying handful?
What if nothing needs to change?
Except us.
As a kid, I was constantly being asked to talk quieter, to dial it back and usually to stop talking all together. I wasn’t especially sporty or physically energetic. I loved the library. I loved ideas. I loved sharing those ideas. Especially with my classma...
January 21, 2019
Why time-in beats time-out every time
This year Maija and I decided to implement a family devotion time before bed. Our first session was not particularly successful, as our eldest son (10 years) refused to participate, especially in prayer. We gently cajoled him and tried to persuade him and incentivize him and do all the usual things, but he was not interested. And he was disruptive. And his attitude sucked. I finally told him that he was welcome to go to bed if he didn’t want to participate with the family. He stormed off, “F...
January 14, 2019
The 5 punishment languages
When our kids misbehave, most of us have a strong tendency to lash out. Unless we have truly done the long, hard work of dying to self (which is an ongoing process), then most of the time, even if we dress it up in fancy language and justifications, in the heat of the moment, we just want revenge. We want to feel powerful. We want to tip the scales back in our favour. We want to punish and teach our kids a lesson.
In my observation there are 5 languages of punishment that we naturally gravit...
