Margaret Robinson Rutherford's Blog, page 16
February 27, 2023
327 SelfWork: The Jungle of Real Motherhood: A Conversation with Annaliese Lawton
Real motherhood can certainly seem like you're trudging your way through a jungle of fears, exhaustion, and confusion - so why is it still portrayed as "easy" or "natural"? Author Annaliese Lawton's new book, Welcome To The Jungle, explores her own emotional turmoil associated with maternity coupled with life's daily struggles. Lawton is a small-town mom whose literary journey began when her Facebook post on motherhood and mental health went viral. Her post was translated in seven different languages, accumulated 80,000 shares, six million views, and eventually landed Lawton a book deal. Filled with unfiltered thoughts and perspectives on womanhood, Welcome to the Jungle isn’t just another parenting book on the highs and lows of motherhood, it will encourage conversations about topics on maternal mental health, marriage, and wellness. Lawton shares, “To say the book is about motherhood is really an underestimation. Motherhood is the backdrop against which the real story unfolds."
And thanks once again to our great sponsor for this episode, Athletic Greens!
Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
February 23, 2023
326 SelfWork: Digging Into the Pain of Not Being Accepted By Your Family
This month we’ve been talking about relationships.This week I heard Andrew Solomon speak about his book Far from the Tree – when parents have a child that has some kind of difference from them, and they struggle not to see that difference as a problem or something that needs to be fixed. I found his ideas fascinating – the relationship between parents and children – and how love is far different than acceptance. And how we as adults (or children) can struggle with not feeling acceptance from family but can discover it in social acceptance. So, let’s dig into that topic a bit today and I'll add in my own ideas as we go.
The listener email is from a mental health professional who tried to hide from her own depression for several reasons – but isn’t now. She’s kind enough to attribute that to my book and podcast. I’ll tell her story and share some of her thoughts and hope that for any of you out there who feel that you simply cannot talk about yourself or your struggles with any transparency, that you’ll pause and think about that for a second.
Vital Links:Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!
Click this link to try out some of the best CBD out there! Ozark Mountain Medicine's CBD products and get 10% off!
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
Andrew Solomon's interview with Big Think on the difference between love and acceptance
interview with Dr. Adam Hill here on SelfWork!
February 16, 2023
325 SelfWork: Why You Might Be Blind to The Warning Signs of Narcissism
Today we’re focusing on what mental or emotional issues are connected with being drawn into relationship with someone with narcissistic traits, missing the warning signs that others might sense or see. We’ll briefly cover the different types of narcissism; you can find lists that include anything from four to seven subtypes but we’ll keep it simple. And then, we’ll venture into the “why” – why might you not recognize such a manipulative and potentially emotionally abusive pattern? Here’s a huge hint. What you live as a child becomes your normal, even if it’s far from healthy or even truly normal. It’s what you experience – so that’s your normal. And you can bring that definition into your adulthood as you seek out relationships.
The listener email is from a married woman who explains that her husband demands that they remain in a non-sexually-intimate relationship – or a dating relationship - so that he can fall back in love with her. But this has lasted twenty years! is it emotionally manipulative or could she married to someone who is more comfortable with a sexless marriage – and that could be driving this dynamic? I’ll offer my ideas..
Six Factors That Could Blind You to Narcissistic Manipulation
You don't label abuse... as abuse. You're accustomed to rigid rules or control in your family or culture. You don't claim your own worth because you were not loved well. You take LOTS of responsibility; in fact, too much. You're not street smart or you're naīve. You chose to ignore your gut and instead, denied or discounted a clue that there was a problem and now, you feel stuck. Vital Links:Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!
Start fresh in 2023! BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
VeryWell Health article on subtypes of narcissism.
New book by Katherine Schafler The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control
Article on loving a narcissist by Dr. Margaret
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
February 9, 2023
324 SelfWork: How To Make And Keep Friends: A Conversation with Marisa Franco, Author of Platonic
So much research and time and thought goes into romantic love. But what about platonic love – aka friendship? I loved Marisa Franco’s new book entitled Platonic and this interview is one of my favorites. I especially honor when she describes friendships as being the relationships that are the steadiest your entire life. What you’re about to listen to is our conversation, with real, tangible, pragmatic steps to make friends and keep them. So if you struggle with that, this episode is for you! Or if you need reminding of how to maintain those friendships you enjoy, there's great advice there as well.
Here are three tips she offers and you can hear how grounded they are in reality:
Initiate; don't wait for friendships – they don’t happen organically. You have to actively look for friends. They're not going to show up on your doorstep. Maybe you make them at work or at school. But other than that, you need to be on the lookout. Assume people like you. This may seem cocky but not really. Assuming you're liked gives you confidence and you're more likely to focus on letting others know what you like about them. Research calls this "the acceptance prophecy" and it works! You can’t just show up once; join a community that meets regularly. She calls this "the exposure effect" - you're more likely to make friends when you show up in each other's lives on a regular basis. And if the meeting is about something you're truly interested in, then that helps as well.Vital Links:
Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make--and Keep--Friends: - order her book today!
Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!
Click this link to try out some of the best CBD out there! Ozark Mountain Medicine's CBD products and get 10% off!
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
February 2, 2023
323 SelfWork: When You Struggle With Intimacy: What Does Your Attachment Style Have to Do With It?
Seeming coincidences happen to me often, and again this week, something synergistic got my attention. First, I listened to the Invisibilia podcast where they actually featured another NPR podcast, a show called Life Kit. Dr. Amir Levine was interviewed, who’s an expert on attachment theory – and he spoke on how your attachment style can help and/or hinder you from being able to achieve emotional intimacy. At the same time, I received a deeply thought-out question in an email from a listener who was trying to figure out how her identification with perfectly hidden depression and a struggle with intimacy were connected. She stated that she had what’s called an “anxious avoidant” attachment style… So that pointed me to the very episode you’re going to hear today as we focus in February on relationships.
We'll cover the four different types of attachment styles, and how they are created in childhood. As an adult, they influence what you seek in relationship, what you’re comfortable or secure with and what you’re not. But your style can also change - and that's what we'll focus on... what you can do about it. You can also click on a link to a questionnaire in your show notes that’s free and you can determine what your own attachment style is currently!
Here's the link to the attachment questionnaire! Click this link!
The featured email questions for today are also about PHD – one is how to talk about it with a therapist that you’re beginning to see – the second, “How do I know if my work on it is making a difference?” Great questions.
Other Vital Links:Mark Manson on attachment styles
Start fresh in 2023! BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression, which is coming out in the spring in German, is available and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
And send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
January 26, 2023
322 SelfWork: Understanding The Self-Absorption of Depression and The Damage It Can Do In Relationships
Today we’re focusing on self-absorption – being highly preoccupied with your own concerns, your inner thoughts, or yourself in general. Depression can be viewed as an "implosion of the self" which creates self-absorption. I’m speaking of self-absorption not in a condescending or judgmental way, but as a way of helping the person who’s depressed, as well as the people who are trying to love them, to understand how two possible components of depression – anhedonia and apathy - can be perceived in relationships as self-centeredness or self-absorption. And, as always, what to do about it.
The listener voicemail this week is from a woman whose mother is always "one-upping" her, meaning her mom says she hurts more, or has accomplished more... the topic doesn't really matter. Her mother doesn't offer affirmation for her daughter, but remains in a weird kind of competition with her. And her daughter is very, very lonely.
Vital Links for Today!Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!
Click this link to try out some of the best CBD out there! Ozark Mountain Medicine's CBD products and get 10% off!
Article in Psychology Today by Dr. Leon Seltzer on self-absorption
The difference between anhedonia and apathy in depression
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
January 19, 2023
321 SelfWork: When You Feel Guilt Over Wasted Time
First of all, I cannot express how grateful I am to be back and to be healthy. Fear was very much a part of the weeks before my surgery. I had to realize and accept that I wasn’t in control of what might or might not happen. I was only in control of my response to those things. So that’s what I tried to focus on – how was I going to respond? But all has turned out very well... and I feel intense gratitude.
The topic for today was brought to my attention by a wonderful voice mail I got over the break. This listener asks about how to handle a strange sort of guilt she feels when she's not doing a purposeful activity and feeling confusion over what to say to someone who innocently asks, "Whatcha been doing?" After you haven't been doing anything much of importance.
We'll focus on three sources of this guilt: Self-reproach. Fear or anxiety about how you might be judged or perceived as lazy or incompetent. And last... "time anxiety" itself, which is anxiety over how you're spending your time - and how to quell that anxiety with one simple question. "How would I define 'time well-spent?'
Vital Links:The Clockify Article on time anxiety
Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!
Start fresh in 2023! BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
January 16, 2023
320 SelfWork: New Trauma Treatments with Guest Host Doc Shauna Springer
Her guest is another phenomenal woman. Alexa James who’s the CEO of NAMI Chicago. Under different Chicago mayors, she’s started mental health programs in the police department and worked closely on police accountability, She helped with Chicago’’s response to Covid, and now continues to bring mental health treatment to the far under-served.
What you’ll hear today are two very caring and very knowledgable and very experienced women talking about innovative treatments that are being used more and more: ketamine infusions and SGB or stellate ganglion block. You can learn more on her website stellacenter.com. They offer great hope!
Vital Links:Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!
Start fresh in 2023! BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
Shauna ‘Doc’ Springer is a co-founder and the Chief Psychologist for STELLA, a leading, trusted authority on innovative trauma treatments. Dr. Springer is responsible for developing STELLA's trauma informed approach to care across its international network of more than 50 clinics. She leads training and public speaking engagements for Stella and is the host of the podcast "The Story of Our Trauma." She is a best-selling author of two books on trauma (WARRIOR: How to Support Those Who Protect Us and Relentless Courage: Winning the Battle with Frontline Trauma and is widely considered to be one of the world's leading experts on psychological trauma, military transition, suicide prevention, and close relationships.
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
320 SelfWork: New Trauma Treatments with Guest Host "Doc" Shauna Springer
Her guest is another phenomenal woman. Alexa James who’s the CEO of NAMI Chicago. Under different Chicago mayors, she’s started mental health programs in the police department and worked closely on police accountability, She helped with Chicago’’s response to Covid, and now continues to bring mental health treatment to the far under-served.
What you’ll hear today are two very caring and very knowledgable and very experienced women talking about innovative treatments that are being used more and more: ketamine infusions and SGB or stellate ganglion block. You can learn more on her website stellacenter.com. They offer great hope!
Vital Links:Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!
Start fresh in 2023! BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
Shauna ‘Doc’ Springer is a co-founder and the Chief Psychologist for STELLA, a leading, trusted authority on innovative trauma treatments. Dr. Springer is responsible for developing STELLA's trauma informed approach to care across its international network of more than 50 clinics. She leads training and public speaking engagements for Stella and is the host of the podcast "The Story of Our Trauma." She is a best-selling author of two books on trauma (WARRIOR: How to Support Those Who Protect Us and Relentless Courage: Winning the Battle with Frontline Trauma and is widely considered to be one of the world's leading experts on psychological trauma, military transition, suicide prevention, and close relationships.
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
January 12, 2023
319 SelfWork: What's Really Going To Make You Happy? A Conversation with Bob Waldinger
Bob Waldinger's publicist used these words to describe him - "warm and humble." That can be hard to find… and I knew I wanted him to be our guest here on SelfWork.
He has plenty of things he could crow about (as we’d say in Arkansas). He’s a Harvard professor, 20-year director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development? And his TED Talk is one of the ten most popular of all time, with over 43 million views. What’s the Harvard study all about it? It’s the longest scientific study of happiness every conducted. Here’s what they say: “Radical for its time in 1938, this first -of-its-kind study is now in its 84th year, with an 84% retention rate. Even JFK was a participant!
He’s understandably proud of the wide range of data the study has amassed through the years – as they wanted to focus on what keeps you healthy rather than what makes you sick. His new book came out three days ago – it’s called THE GOOD LIFE.
It explains in detail:
The most common misconceptions about happiness. What social fitness is and how to exercise it. How to understand the influence of your childhood on your adult relationships. What you’re likely getting wrong about achievement. The first step you can take if you want to live a good life.We had a wonderful conversation – but not only do I hope you enjoy it, I hope that you’ll learn more about what will truly bring you happiness.
