Gemma Ray's Blog, page 4

My Anxiety Has Gone – 90 Days Alcohol Free

“I can tell the difference in you. You were pretty unhappy and now your career, your family life – I can tell how much better you feel and and how much more confident in yourself you are.”

My friend Nicola sent me that yesterday. It was ace to get a message like that.

I am different. I do feel better.

On this #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek I want to tell you my story of the last 90 days (well, six months really). I don’t want to preach, or tell you that you’re wrong, or be a patronising twat. You’re a grown up. You do you, I’ll do me. Each to their own and all that.

However, you never know who is watching and reading and maybe, just maybe, someone needs to read this and feel like they can do it too. Just like I read something like this and decided I wanted to give it a try.

 

My Wibbly Wobbly Head

I’ve made no secret out of the fact my head has been a wobbly shitty mess over the last few years. I’d say 2016-2018 were ridiculously tough and while I wouldn’t wish a breakdown on anyone, and I wouldn’t advise anyone smash their head against the wall to stop the whirring of thoughts, I am glad it happened to me. The last four years have been a wonderful, exciting and downright painful journey of finding out who the fuck I was under a mask that had been superglued on with laughter, humour and fake confidence for decades. I am healed. Finally and confidently I can say that with my hand on my heart.

When you’ve come through something like that, there’s no going back. A bit like when you’ve committed to a sky dive and you’re strapped to the instructor, about to fall from thousands of feet, it’s too late to back out. You’re fucked, you have to jump. Mental health is like that. Once it’s gone wrong and then you start the journey towards sorting that shit out, it’s a lifelong commitment to doing the work to continue to feel good and not slip back into those dark places.

Working on my mental health has been more exhausting and consuming than anything else I’ve done. But I’ve done it, lived it, healed it and I’ve got the t-shirt

 

Same T-Shirt, Different Girl

Talking of t-shirt and the point of this whole post, this is the girl in the same t-shirt but this is not the same girl. The first picture is from my Mum’s 60th birthday weekend six months ago. Now, don’t get me wrong it was fucking amazing. We hired a beautiful 15th century Welsh country manor and did what all normal families do when they hire such a prestigious and posh venue for a weekend – we turned it into a goddamn rave. I brought my full PA kit, disco lights and someone brought hundreds of glow sticks. We. Were. Fucked. Like royally fucked. Like my dad had to spoon feed me my dinner at 6pm kinda fucked while I shouted and swore in front of the whole family including the kids. Not my finest moment.

I don’t remember that night and I was in charge of my then 8 year old son. Yes, we were all a family together but I blacked out and don’t remember a thing. I was responsible as his mother for his safety and I failed him that night. Yes, his dad was there and all other family but waking up and hearing how I’d been the night before brought those familiar feelings of shame, worry and hangxiety (ya know, when the hangover anxiety kicks in and you question everything!). I knew things had to change.

Me being me and never doing anything by halves, the next day I started #75Hard which was a 10 week intense programme of discipline which included no drinking. (You might remember my *wobbly belly before and after video). Once I set my mind to something, once I am following a challenge and someone else’s rules I am all in. So the no booze part only bothered me on Christmas day when I couldn’t join in with the Baileys and the red wine which I could smell during dinner.

I noticed some amazing changes in myself during #75Hard. I was sleeping better, thinking clearer and the big one – I hadn’t had one single period of anxiety at all in the 10 weeks of participating. But that wasn’t enough to keep me off the bottle. My 10 weeks were up in the middle of January and I celebrated by drinking a bottle of wine every night then having some extremely heavy weekends which culminated in a 3 day bender in Barcelona with friends.

When I woke up on the day we were due to fly home I felt like my chest was in a vice. The anxiety was just consuming. While in the airport, hunched over a Burger King Whopper meal in the hope it would stop the thump in my head and the all-consuming nausea, I read a blog by Layla Hill. We know one another through friends and she’d posted about her year long sobriety and how life had changed. I don’t believe in God, but I do believe in things being sent to us to notice for a reason. I was sent that for a reason that day.

 

Finding One Year No Beer

Layla had done it through the OneYearNoBeer programme and I remember Sharon Hartley my colleague at BBC Radio Lancashire chatting to me on our Christmas do about how going sober had changed her life. I Facebook stalked her and saw she’d been on a One Year No Beer podcast so I had a listen. I read more stories, I listened to more podcasts. I asked a couple of friends to do the OYNB 28 day challenge with me and while I was waiting for them to decide I reached out to Shazza who said she had a discount code and my reply was “Fuck it. I’m in. Not waiting for the others to decide.” I decided I was going for it and doing 90 days, not 28 and I started.

I loved the daily emails from OYNB and halfway through my 90 days got an offer to upgrade to 365 days. By this point I wasn’t doing the daily tasks from OYNB as I was hooked on how much better I felt and it was going great. I decided to sign up to have an ‘excuse’ as to why I’m not drinking. Which is pathetic really as nobody needs an excuse but one thing I’ve discovered in going sober is that telling people about it really ruffles some feathers.

I’ve had some pretty shit conversations with people since deciding that alcohol and me are no longer friends. It is as if alcohol is a real person and I am choosing to ostracise it, therefore I am ostracising those who continue to be friends with it.

I also chose to do this because of my heart health and I’ve got some pretty scary before and after data on the impact on my heart. Even when I explain about not wanting to die in my sixties (like an estranged side of the family) I’m met with arguments as to why I should just “try and drink in moderation.” Fuck me, if there’s anything I know for sure about myself it is that I don’t do moderation with anything. Ever. I’m all in, all or nothing and I am all in with this current scenario. I have cut the umbilical cord of alcohol and I honestly think I am done forever.

Since quitting, life has been amazing. I feel a bit guilty saying this but lockdown has been a gift to us as a family. We have reconnected and I love my little bubble. I’ve also grown in confidence – REAL confidence. I have always been an attention seeking twat and the loudest person in the room, but that’s been a show for many years. Now I’m confident as the real, raw and exposed me and I love it. I’m developing a kick arse “I give absolutely no fucks” attitude and I am starting to really stop giving a shit what other people think.

If you’re reading this and the thought of giving up booze terrifies you, I get it. Completely. But if you’re reading this and it’s made you wonder how life might feel without it for you, One Year No Beer has opened up the 28 day programme for FREE during the pandemic for anyone who wants to take a look at their relationship with alcohol. Which was bloody nice of them.

This isn’t a post to tell you to stop drinking. This is a post I read from other people so many times and I always wondered how it would feel to get to this point and report back. I am delighted to report that it feels absolutely fucking wonderful and I am so glad I did it.

Gem

*PS – This is the wobbly belly before and after video from #75Hard

I did a discipline thing!It still wiggles and it still jiggles but it’s shrinking. Yay.

Mental Health Awareness Week with Tabby Kerwin

It’s #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek and who better to chat to than Tabby! She’s a published writer, conversationalist, performance coach and mental health advocate and trainer.

Tabby has known a lot of loss in her short lifetime.

Her dad died when she was 16, she lost her brother in 2014 and then in late 2018 her husband Simon – the love of her life, best friend and business partner – passed away after a short time living with cancer.

Tabby is not scared to talk about death in an open, honest and engaging way that is not depressing and dark. In fact it is quite the opposite.

I recently had the honour and privilege of being a beta reader for Tabby’s upcoming book The Three Taboos: Cancer, Grief and Mental Health.

The way she writes about death is nothing short of beautiful. I emerged from the pages of her book with a renewed attitude to my own mortality and less fear around the fate that will happen to us all one day.

Tabby is fun, energetic, super smart and a lifelong performer. She knows how to entertain but she’s also a wealth of knowledge on all things mental health, stress, building confidence and living life to the full.

I hope you enjoy this gorgeous interview as much as I did.

Tabby’s mental health course: www.modefor.co.uk/mac

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Please note: this broadcast contains conversations discussing suicide.

Mental Health Awareness Week with Tabby Kerwin

Please note: this broadcast contains conversations discussing suicide.Tabby’s mental health course: www.modefor.co.uk/mac ————————It's #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek and who better to chat to than Tabby! She's a published writer, conversationalist, performance coach and mental health advocate and trainer.Tabby has known a lot of loss in her short lifetime.Her dad died when she was 16, she lost her brother in 2014 and then in late 2018 her husband Simon – the love of her life, best friend and business partner – passed away after a short time living with cancer.Tabby is not scared to talk about death in an open, honest and engaging way that is not depressing and dark. In fact it is quite the opposite.I recently had the honour and privilege of being a beta reader for Tabby's upcoming book The Three Taboos: Cancer, Grief and Mental Health.The way she writes about death is nothing short of beautiful. I emerged from the pages of her book with a renewed attitude to my own mortality and less fear around the fate that will happen to us all one day.Tabby is fun, energetic, super smart and a lifelong performer. She knows how to entertain but she's also a wealth of knowledge on all things mental health, stress, building confidence and living life to the full.I can't wait to chat with her this Thursday, 21st May at 7pm here on Gemma Ray – Life Unfiltered.

Posted by Gemma Ray – Life Unfiltered on Thursday, May 21, 2020

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Homeschooling in Lockdown with Carol Murdoch

If you’re anything like me, you’re probably sick of feeling like a sack of shit with this home schooling lark.

Fret not Mums and Dads! I chatted live to Carol Murdoch about everything to do with teaching.

Carol left her career behind as a traditional teacher to start her tutoring business Carol’s Tutoring and outdoor learning model Love Outdoor Learning Ltd.

Carol shared her story of teaching and how she moved to tutoring and outdoor learning following the loss of her parents. Carol was such a warm and gorgeous soul and I instantly felt at ease, like she’d given me a permission slip to throw the rule book away when it comes to home schooling.

Carol is in Scotland where the rules around lifting lockdown are a little different. She had an amazing insight into modern day schooling and chatted about outdoor schooling as a possible answer to post-pandemic life.

If you too are tearing your hair out about school then this is the interview for you. Carol was such a breath of fresh air and I know she helped a lot of parents with her advice and kind words.

Schooling Beyond the Pandemic with Carol Murdoch

If you are sick of feeling parental guilt at your homeschooling efforts please WATCH THIS

Laura Hughes – From Tragedy to Triumph

This week’s interview featured mum of four, Laura Hughes from In memory of Colin McGinty.

Laura was named co-winner of Merseyside Women of the Year 2019/20 and has turned the tragedy of her late brother Colin’s murder into a story of hope.

Laura leads our team of over 200 runners and raises money for knife crime prevention schemes across Merseyside and Lancashire.

I chatted to her about the impact of Colin’s murder on the family and how, along with her parents and brothers, the family have chosen to share Colin’s story to become a force for change in our communities.

Laura’s got a lot to say on knife crime and prevention so if you are a parent, her advice will be worth a listen.

Laura Hughes – From Tragedy to Triumph

Please share this live so more people join us and hear Laura's message. Laura Hughes is a powerhouse of positivity. She leads the team at @In Memory of Colin McGinty running in memory of her brother Colin.Along with her parents and siblings has turned the tragedy Colin's murder into a story of hope. She leads our team of 200 runners and raises money for knife crime prevention schemes across Merseyside and Lancashire.We are chatting about the lasting impact of knife crime on the family and how the family have chosen to share Colin's story to become a force for change in our communities.Laura's got a lot to say on knife crime and prevention so if you are a parent her advice will be worth a listen.

Posted by Gemma Ray – Life Unfiltered on Thursday, May 7, 2020

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Sophie and Sheldon – When Cancer Changes Your Whole Life

What happens when the person you love gets cancer?

I chatted to former Miami Pro bodybuilding champion, Sheldon Oscar and his girlfriend Sophie Baines about their lives since getting the news of Sophie’s cancer diagnosis.

Sheldon’s done a complete u-turn on what his life looked like before in terms of his nutrition and Sophie is embracing a new strict way of eating to manage her health.

The pair have always been super fit but they’ve made changes that have had positive results. They’re on a mission to help others with their food through their meal prep business and have such a brilliant outlook on life.

I was completely inspired by their positivity, resilience and dedication to their health. Their interview is well worth a watch.

Sheldon & Sophie – When Cancer Changes Your Whole Life

Sheldon & Sophie have done a u-turn on their nutrition and now eat for ultimate health and healing. Plus they make delicious healthy foods for others.Their journey individually and as a duo is one of inspiration, dedication and a passion for helping others.Join us live now!

Posted by Gemma Ray – Life Unfiltered on Thursday, April 30, 2020

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Andy Grant – World’s Fastest 10km Single Leg Amputee

Continuing my series of Thursday evening lockdown interviews, I am delighted to announce the RECORD BREAKING Andy Grant as my next guest.

Andy is the author of the amazing book You’ll Never Walk and we’ll get an amazing snapshot of his life in our interview. Andy is a former Royal Marine turned record breaking sportsman and motivational speaker. He was injured while serving in Afghanistan and chose to have his leg amputated for a better quality of life.

Andy inspires so many people with his life story, resilience, attitude and achievements.

I also ALMOST got a tattoo inspired by him but he’s got the maddest tattoo story that we talk about on the interview.

A great listen for lockdown, as Andy inspires us all to be kind to ourselves.

Interview with Record Breaking Andy Grant

He's the world's fastest 10km single leg amputee. He's got the most amazing story and I can't wait to share him with you!

Posted by Gemma Ray – Life Unfiltered on Thursday, April 23, 2020

 

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Kirsty Lost 4 Stone and Became a Runner

Kirsty Quigley has been on one heck of a journey over the last two years and joined me for an honest chat about weight loss, dealing with the haters and taking up a love of running.

Four stone lighter

Two years stronger

Two years fitter

Two years more confident

Two years happier

Two years better!

Things I took away from this chat with Kirsty:

You don’t have to do everything at once – Kirsty committed to one workout a week at first to build her exercise habits
She found going vegetarian/vegan has helped a lot and improved how she feels within herself
She’s absolutely smashing her running times after getting into running less than a year ago
She still enjoys socialising, her wine and gin and living life to the full

Watch the interview in full here (Please note a few potty mouth swear words so watch out listening if the kids are around):

Kirsty Quigley's Second Anniversary of the Day She Decided to Change

Four stone lighterTwo years strongerTwo years fitterTwo years more confidentTwo years happierTwo years better!Kirsty Quigley has been on one heck of a journey and she's going to tell us all about it LIVE here right now.Tune in, ask any questions, get involved and be inspired by this positive powerhouse of energy and fun.

Posted by Gemma Ray – Life Unfiltered on Thursday, April 16, 2020

 

 

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