Zaid Ismail's Blog, page 26

The burden of self-loathing

Allow me to explain… “I trust more easily those who expose the struggles of their lives, rather than those who live a life of pretend.” Our need to pretend is evidence of self-loathing. “But not those who present their struggles to justify their shortcomings.” Too many preempt being judged harshly about what they know they’re […]

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Do you matter when it matters most?

I often hear about people who are frustrated at not being able to get through to someone. The most common assumption when that happens is that we’re obviously not important to them, or what we need isn’t important to them. Sometimes, that may be true. Especially when it comes to those who are not close […]

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Do you remember you?

In the face of rejection, it becomes easier to claim who we are. But not always. Sometimes we claim a version of ourselves as a protest against those who judge us harshly. If we don’t realise that we’re doing it, we’ll convince ourselves that we need to be that way to save face or to […]

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A burdensome labour of love

Responsibility, when met with gratitude, feels like a labour of love. Remove gratitude, and it becomes a burdensome load. But only if gratitude is expected. That’s when expectations weigh down on us more than responsibility, because of the internal wait for others to reciprocate, or to notice. It’s not unreasonable to hold that expectation. In […]

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Betrayed expectations

Without realising it, expectations create an underlying sense of entitlement regarding the outcomes that we want. That entitlement is what influences our attitude and demeanour in how we approach things or relationships. When we feel justified to have such expectations, we lose sight of the entitlement, which leads to the intensity of emotion that we […]

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Don’t lose yourself to the chase

No one sets out to chase money or the high life. But many convince themselves that such a lifestyle will earn them the happiness and fulfilment that they desire. Sadly, we easily become distracted by the lifestyle and lose sight of the fulfilment that we seek. What we need emotionally, and how we need to […]

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Know why, or else…

I often have to remind myself that it is not the disregard that others show for what I do that matters, it is my need for them to show regard for what I do that distracts me when they are uninterested or condescending. Similarly, it’s not the disrespect, or the lack of affection that gets […]

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Reclaim you

There is a belief that a hug fixes everything. It doesn’t. There are times when a hug loses its comfort or its safety because it comes from the very source that keeps causing that pain. Words spoken in anger always cut deeper than any hug can reach. In such cases, a hug is like an […]

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Silent trauma, or peace?

I’ve often seen claims that receiving the silent treatment from someone is the equivalent of emotional abuse – if not abusive itself – and I wondered how it is that doing nothing to someone can be considered abusive? I once read that what disturbs us is not the disturbance around us, but rather our inability […]

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Generational what?

The true destruction caused by our insecurities is that it destroys the good that we’re supposed to be creating in the lives of those around us. Insecurity isn’t always displayed through anger or defensiveness. Most often, to hide our insecurity, we over-compensate in spaces where we feel competent, so that we can avoid or distract […]

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