D.J. Walters's Blog

I Was Suffering From Lonely Night Syndrome and There Was Only One Cure...

Long-Distance Relationships Don't Last in the Long Run

As exciting as it must be to have a long distance relationship, I find it hard to believe that they are sustainable. I get that it’s probably more exciting to speak to them when you do because of the distance between you and it’s probably even more exciting when you eventually reunite. Everyone’s feelings are magnified due to them being more out of reach. As they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. But how is it possible to sustain the same level of intimacy, love, care and effort that is needed for a successful relationship when your partner spends the majority of their time in a completely different jurisdiction than you? Personally, I can barely date a guy who lives more than a 45-minute drive away from me so I’m not sure how a long distance relationship is sustainable. What do you think?
Firstly, I think it’s important that partners are only a phone call away, especially in times of crisis. How hard must it be to rely on someone who potentially lives in a completely different time zone? They might be asleep or at work when you need them the most and God-forbid if something happened to them. How inconvenient and possibly expensive would it be to rearrange your life to be with them in a time of crisis? Imagine not being able to afford to see them when they really needed you? I don’t even want to think of the ache that must bring on someone’s heart. It’d probably save you the heartache just to be with someone who is more tangible from the start.
here’s also the issue of them meeting someone during your long break away. Someone who is closer to them and that convinces them that they are more likely to be the one for them. It usually makes more sense to be with someone who treats you right if they are more easily accessible to you than to be with someone that treats you right but you only see them thrice a year.
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Furthermore, there’s the matter of not truly knowing what your partner is getting up to. Now I’m not one for keeping tabs on your partner but if your only seeing your other half once a month or 3 or 4 times a year, how do you know that they haven’t got a whole other relationship a little closer to home? How do you know that they aren’t living two separate lives? One for you and one for their other family. How do you know that you aren’t the side piece? Some will say that this comes down to trust and for some this may work but I don’t believe in it. It’s hard enough to keep your partner in mind when you go abroad with your friends so I can only imagine how hard it is to keep them in mind when you live in different borders. Some might argue that even a partner who’s closer to you may be unfaithful but chances are, you’re more likely to find out about it if you spend more time with them.

And even if the person is faithful and true to you and you dream of spending the rest of your life with them, surely it would make more sense to eventually move in with them so that you can live out your life’s dream. If you only see your partner on face-time and meet them less than once a month, then all you really are is glorified pen-pals. So if you are planning on spending the rest of life with your long-distance lover, it further proves that you need the proximity just to make things work. Long distance relationships don’t last in the long run so I hope you have plans to lessen the distance between you and your lover so you can have your happily ever after x

How Did Anyone Even Know I Was Here?

What Are The Top 5 Attributes Needed for a Successful Relationship?

I’ve composed a list of the top 5 attributes which are needed to have a successful relationship and funnily enough, love doesn’t come into it at all. They are in no particular order as I believe they are all important. What are your top 5 attributes?
Reliability
Being consistent is the first building block to any trusting relationship. Just knowing that someone will be there in times of uncertainty is enough to put anyone at ease. Being consistently inconsistent is a major red flag for me. I need to know my partner is just a phone call away if I need them for any and everything.

Mutual respect
Taking your partner’s feelings, thoughts and wishes into account is a healthy part of any relationship because it shows them that they are valued. Constantly working to consider the other person’s feelings only helps to strengthen the partnership over time; creating a happier environment for everyone involved and everyone around them. Compromise
A relationship is a partnership, so for the most part you should be on the same team; working together to meet the same goals. This might mean that one of you might need to adjust your behaviour sometimes to ensure that the other’s needs are met; as long as the overall vision is still shared between both parties. But compromise is not a one-way street, so both partners should be pulling their weight to ensure their other half is happy.

Intimacy
Both physical and non-physical intimacy are important in a relationship. Non-Physical intimacy helps you to understand your partner on a deeper level and makes sense of their quirky behaviour. Whilst physical intimacy reassures the other partner of a connection and a level of support. And the best thing about it is the more you practice it, the better you get at it making each tie more phenomenal than the last. ​Communication
Being able to talk honestly with your partner about your worries, issues, hopes and successes is important for any relationship. If you can’t talk, then how can you develop any real understanding of one another? If you’re scared to talk to your partner then there is something dangerously wrong with the healthiness of your relationship. If you can’t talk to your partner or share your concerns with them then all you really is just glorified f**k buddies.

Love doesn’t come into my top 5 is because I believe that the combination of all of these things in a relationship is a demonstration of love in itself.

Finally... I Was Actually Getting Married to a Decent Guy

The Entree Ain't as Good Without Something on the Side.

So today, I want to address a particular view on relationships or as fabulous once put it, “The entree ain’t as good without something on the side.” When it comes to sides, I’m not talking about the extras that you order at a restaurant. I’m talking about the extra people you have relationships with, to compliment your main squeeze. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for sides at a restaurant; usually due to my particular diet. I’m forever ordering sides upon sides to make up a meal. But when it comes to relationships, I see things a little differently. What do you think?
In all honesty, I don’t see anything wrong with searching for outside sources to pertain your happiness because it’s silly to assume that one sole individual will be able to accurately read your mood or your mind and know just exactly how to make you happy all the time. When people get into monogamous relationships, they often refer to their partner as their ‘other half; they reference them as someone who makes them happy and complete. When in reality, that’s impossible because humans will let you down by default. They aren’t perfect so there’s no way that someone will always make you happy. Your partner is not your personal jester or your psychiatrist so they will not always know the right things to do or to say. We can’t rely on them to always keep us on an even keel.
But when certain needs aren’t met by their significant other, it can lead people to think that there is something missing in their relationships. And people end up looking for something or someone else to fill that void with side pieces etc. Sometimes, it’s hard to find the strength to stay in a positive frame of mind when it comes to life and even relationships, so it’s good to have a positive circle around you. Rather than relying one person to make you happy, I think it’s better to have a variety of people and things around you that all have different benefits and are able to bring the best out in you.
Now am I saying I’m an advocate of searching for outside sources to fill an intimate need? No I am not. I believe that if two people enter a monogamous sexual relationship then there should be no extras unless the other party has agreed. I don’t believe that someone’s individual happiness should come at the detriment of someone else’s pain. If other people are used to fill a void with about your partner’s awareness, especially intimately that’s when it’s been taken too far. But I do believe in using the right tool for the right job so if that means you have five key people around you for the important needs in your life then so be it. They can all compliment you. Because at the end of the day, the only person in charge of your happiness is you.

Great Sex is More Mental Than Physical.

I wanted to speak about something that I have been thinking about. I feel that great sex is more mental than physical. Don’t get me wrong, anyone can have great sex if they’re touched in the right spots. Even if they’re blind-folded, you’re going to climax if you’re touched in the right way. But great sex is something different. It’s more than physiology, it’s the mental connection which makes it great.  What do you think?
The crazy thing is, even someone who you aren’t physically attracted to can give you great sex and make you want more. Inevitably, your attraction builds over time. Great sex will keep you in a toxic relationship. I’m sure we all know that one person who keeps going back to their ex for sex, even though they know that they are a dick. I always think the key to great sex is to get into the person’s mind first. It’s about building mental connections and getting to understand your partner; listening to words that aren’t spoken and responding in the moment to create a beautiful chemistry. It’s all well and good you trying to touch the right places but are you trying to make a connection or are you just trying to bust a nut? 
To truly arouse someone, you have to penetrate their mind first and that will make every action thereafter a whole lot easier. The right chemistry can be addictive and leave you craving for more. Great sex can will leave you lusting for days on end. It will leave craving for your next hit like a crack addict. It makes you feel special and loved, like you’re the only person in the world. Every touch will have thought behind it, even when words aren’t spoken. Soft strokes and hugs throughout the day can even work as reminders to make loved one feels important. So when it does come down to the nitty gritty, they’re already warmed up, ready and waiting.
Great sex is about two people both making an effort; expressing themselves physically and adorning one another with love. You’ll go through that constant tug of war, back and forth until finally, your bodies melt into one another and your mind is blown with every hit that you get. It’s about getting to know your partner and knowing what they like and constantly making an effort to please them. That’s what I call great sex.

Husband? What do you mean husband?

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Monogamy is Played Out

I wanted to speak on something that has been sitting on my chest for a minute but Monogamy is played out. I blame fairy tales for this. When we’re growing up, we read all these stories about young boys and young girls falling in love and getting married, when in reality, it doesn’t work like that. How is it possible to find one person who you fall in love with and live with them for the rest of your life without your eyes swaying to and fro? What do you think?
As humans, we’re very selfish creatures. We’re always thinking ‘What if?’ “What if she had a bigger bum…? What if she didn’t fart at night?” I feel like there’s always something that stops us from being happy with our relationship because we’re always thinking that there could be something out there that's better for us. But people still try to live up to an ideal that was fed to them as a young person, thinking that it’s the be-all and all when the people in the stories are made up. The characters are meant to sell us a dream but that dream, in reality, doesn’t exist.  We change our mind as time goes on. So one minute you might like eggs and the next minute, you might like olives. So once you get to know the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with and you’ve been through different experiences with them, it might turn out that you’re not meant to be. People change over time and humans have urges. Sometimes you’re not even expecting to go out and meet someone who turns your head but they do, due to lack of fulfillment in your current relationship. It doesn’t mean that you don’t still love and appreciate the person that you’re with but you're still left thinking, 'What if...?" Now am I saying that I want the person that I’m in a relationship with to cheat on me or that I want an open relationship? No, I don’t. I want to be with one person but I feel like I see a relationship in a different light. It’s not just about falling in love or being in lust. It's about working with someone who has a common goal in order to create a better life for the both of you. But at the same time, people mess up. We’re humans. Sometimes that means people make mistakes. Relationships end prematurely because there’s only so much one person can take. The issue comes when you do something behind someone's back because it’s harder to build on broken trust.

​I’d rather find someone who respects me and I respect them and we can work together to create something beautiful. Breaking up and finding someone else isn’t the end of the world. We can’t all have that happily ever after that we see on movie screens or read between the pages of a book because life isn’t as black and white as that.