L. Rambit's Blog, page 4

July & August 2020 Reads

I didn't read nearly as much as I'd planned to... I had infections in both ears (it was so bad my left eardrum ruptured, and I was on 10 days worth of antibiotics). Immediately afterwards, my body decided, "Hey, you know how we REALLY hate doctors, and our insurance is all messed up this year??? How about we BLEED VAGINALLY for 26 DAYS STRAIGHT, to the point where we're leaving actual bloody footprints around the apartment? Have fun at the gynecologist (and paying those medical bills, and sleeping for 12+ hours at a time due to iron deficiency)!"

Anyway, enough about me oozing painfully from various orifices. I combined my July and August reading lists so they didn't look quite so pathetic.

I Killed Zoe Spanos exists as proof that SOMETIMES I DO READ NEW RELEASES ON TIME. That's right; IKZS came out THIS JULY and I READ it. Go me. And it's a perfect summer read... Very warm; very beachy; makes me crave ice cream. When wild party teen Anna is hired to work as a live-in nanny in uber ritzy Brooklyn, she seizes the chance to turn over a new leaf. Unfortunately, there's a missing college student, and more unfortunately, Anna may have killed her. Normally the words "YA thriller" would have me wrinkling my nose, but there was something mature and classy about this that kept my attention... I think it was just the author's good writing. Or the full-cast audio. Either way, four stars from me.

Perfume: The Story of a Murderer was... Absolutely fantastic. We've got another fave for the "best of 2020" list. (And yet another translated work! Despite being set in 18th century Paris, Perfume is a German book.) In the purplest of "dark fairytale" prose, Perfume tells the life story of Jean-Baptiste Grenouille, an unwanted orphan blessed (cursed?) with a sense of smell so keen it's practically supernatural. Much of this book tells Grenouille's story as an emotionless creep Terminator-ing his way through France to experience All the Scents. And occasionally killing pretty girls who smell Very, Very Nice in order to create the Perfect Perfume. It's... Weird. Five stars.

Oh, man... I wanted to like Mexican Gothic. I've been looking forward to it for ages! And it started out so promising... 1950s setting; haunted house; badass women of color with GOALS AND DREAMS looking out for each other... But it started to lose me about halfway through. I kept wavering somewhere between "I'm so tired of this," and "well, that was KIND of interesting," and then "oh no; THIS again?!" It wasn't particularly long, but it felt like it took forever to read because I just wanted it to end. Not a bad book (think Jordan Peele's "Get Out" meets Guillermo Del Toro's "Crimson Peak"), but not what I wanted.

Let me stress that My Lovely Wife was NOT a good book. It was borderline awful, actually, but it amused the hell out of me, and so I gave it a high rating. Our (unnamed) protagonist, a middle-aged father of two, wants to keep the spark in his marriage to the gorgeous Millicent. Date nights... Impromptu sexcapades... Kidnapping, torture, and murder... While their entire town is freaking out about what they think is a singular serial killer, they fit fun stalking dates between soccer practice and PTA meetings. This in itself is an interesting premise, and a better book might have explored it better... Serial killer couples aren't unheard of in real life, after all. But our protagonist is so STUPID that all credibility is thrown out the window. ("Wait... you mean my wife, who tortures and kills women, is a BAD PERSON?! SHOCK!!!" "Wow; who would've thought my children would be negatively affected by mass panic?" "Well I don't want to KILL people, kill people; that's MEAN.") I must've face-palmed twenty times reading this.

Mostly Dead Things… Hurt me. In a good way. (It's going straight to the "best of 2020" list, in case you were wondering.) It's not for the faint of heart (see a full list of trigger warnings on my full review here.) It's a novel about broken families and serious issues with intimacy and terrible coping mechanisms. It's darkly humorous (the sentence "my mother stuffed a butt plug into a taxidermized coyote" can never be erased from my mind); it's sad as HELL, and I'll always have a soft spot for books starring lesbians that don't make a big fuss over them being gay; it's just another piece of their identity, not their whole story. I can't gush enough over how much I loved this heartbreaking, sexual, painfully intimate little book about flawed and broken people wallowing in mud so deep they can scarcely remember the sky. Note: This book got very mixed reviews. It's not for everyone, but it's very on-brand for my specific, weird tastes.

Joyce Carol Oates's Zombie is quite short, at only 180 pages, and is told in fragmented stream-of-consciousness tidbits from our protagonist. Clearly drawing from the real-life horrors of serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer, Quentin is obsessed with creating a "zombie" to serve him sexually. He plans to do so through capturing and lobotomizing a man; any man. I picked this up because it was on a "most disturbing books, ever" list, but... It didn't disturb me? Honestly, the Wikipedia page for Dahmer himself is far creepier. I'm not writing Oates off yet, because I've heard her work is quite good, but this one was a dud.

The Girl with Seven Names was absolutely incredible, and everybody should read it. I've been low-key frightened of North Korea since we watched a documentary in high school about it (their intense hatred of Americans was particularly disturbing to me, an American), but now I see that it's just a country, a country full of all kinds of people, that just happens to be ruled by the iron fist of a dictator and kept in constant paranoia under threat of death. A country starving to death under their monstrous leader's arrogance. Human rights are nil, and propaganda is so constant that dealing meth and heroin seems a negligible crime, but failing to cry enough at a ruler's death could result in execution. Hyeonseo was an incredibly engaging narrator of her own life, and though I knew going in that things would turn out alright, the extent and risk of her journeys had me glued to the page (and reflecting on the disgusting way we abuse and dismiss immigrants where I live). 10/10, would recommend.

I'm Thinking of Ending Things had the opposite problem of My Lovely Wife. While both were thrillers about a couple experiencing turbulent times, this was meticulously written and plotted, and everything made perfect sense by the end. But I didn't enjoy it at all, and so it got a low rating from me. I honestly would have preferred if the twist ending were something random like "aliens" or "alternate dimensions" or "ghosts all along..." At least ridiculous is better than boring. I think it was meant to be creepy, but I felt nothing the entire time. The praises I can offer are thus: 1. The author clearly put a ton of time and work into this, and 2. It was very short. If you like twisty thrillers (which I don't) and short stories (which I also don't), then there's a 50/50 chance you'll love this.

Red at the Bone was beautiful. I've never read a Jacqueline Woodson novel before... Her style is so gorgeous and flowing. I swear, just listening to the audiobook on my drive home from work every day lowered my blood pressure and eased my stress. (Of course, that's also due to the excellent readers. They made the experience for me.) It's barely over 200 pages, but I feel like I've spent generations with this damaged family. It doesn't have much by way of plot... It's more of a character study, and a celebration of black history in America. I dig that. 4/5 stars.

Ask Again, Yes was, like, the anti Red at the Bone for me. Oh, I HATED this book. I didn't just dislike it; I wanted to burn it. It was a twelve-hour audiobook that felt like 40 hours. If I'd had anything else to listen to, I would've dumped it in a heartbeat. The writing was SO BAD... It felt like the author was just summarizing 60+ years of this family. "And then this guy immigrated from Ireland and became a cop and then he got married and then had 3 daughters and--" What kind of writing is this?! How does something so rushed take so long to tell? WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE LOVE THIS BOOK??? And don't get me STARTED on the BS "message" that actually had me snarling in my car. "ANYTHING can be forgiven over time and, maybe, your suffering was for the best!" Screw! You! Oh, just thinking about this disaster makes me so mad...

I ended the month with Shrill: Notes from a Loud Woman, which is a great and refreshing palate cleanser. In her collection of humorous and crass essays, Ms. West talks about bodily autonomy, misogyny and rape culture in the world of stand-up comedy, abortions, and the trauma of growing up fat in a world that encourages hatred and violence towards fat bodies. So much of this was painfully relatable to/directly relevant towards my life (I'm a fourth-wave feminist who's been fat all her life; heyyo!), to the point where some of this hurt to read. Too real, man! But Lindy understands. She cradles you with jokes and relatability, and draws reader attention towards the many injustices still plaguing our entertainment industry. She walks the walk. I loved this, and I'd gladly read more from her. 5/5.

June 2020 Reads

Your House Is on Fire, Your Children All Gone was a weird collection of vignettes all focusing on a provincial German village in God-knows WHAT time period (1890? 1950? Modern day, but they're so cut off from society that they seem old-fashioned? Who knows)! Anyway, every chapter focused on a different child in this village, and their relationship with everyone else in said village, and the effed-up things they do to each other (up to and including: sibling murder, a lot of child rape, incestuous teen pregnancy, the burial of infant skeletons...) It was weirdly inconsistent, too; so a boy is sent to juvie for daring someone to dive in an icy river, but a man grinds his daughter's face against broken glass and faces no consequences? I like creepy towns, but I struggle with short stories. They leave me asking "Was there any point to all this?"

The Vegetarian is a somewhat famous novel focusing on an unremarkable South Korean housewife, Yeong-hye, suddenly deciding she won't consume any animal products anymore. This sends her life spiraling, as her husband calls her family in to force her, with increasing violence, to conform. This can be read a lot of ways, and probably rewards multiple reads (as well as being a different experience for readers of different cultures). It could be viewed as straightforward-- a mentally ill woman starves herself in an effort to "become a tree." It could be read as commentary on the Korean patriarchy, though the author insists that wasn't her intention. It could be a window into female compliance, conformist culture... Honestly, I don't know if I'm yet ready to say anything decisive about this book; only that I really enjoyed how strange and unique it felt.

I had high hopes for The Whisper Man, but it failed as a ghost story AND as a police procedural. There wasn't enough of either of those elements, let alone a good mesh of the two. It lacked focus (too many unnecessary characters), the titular 'whisper man' (having been arrested some decades prior) only gets about two brief scenes. The scene everything is building to only lasts a few pages, so that barely any peril is felt at all. The "main theme" of the bond between fathers and sons is barely touched on, and so attempts at deep introspection feels cheap and unearned. Not to mention the sparse, blunt writing was very poor. This failed on all accounts.

Now here's a strange one. Exquisite Corpse isn't most peoples' cup of tea-- it's bleak and explicit and nasty. All the expected trigger warnings apply, as do a few unusual ones-- it's been a minute since I last read a graphic necrophilia scene! The author's passion for New Orleans really shines through, and though I've read a lot of erotica in my time, it's never been like THIS before; grotesque and honest and shockingly intimate; always leaving me unsettled and uncomfortable. (And not just the serial killer/cannibalism aspects; the sex scenes between "normal," breathing characters felt just as uncomfortable, if not more so.) I liked parts of this book; namely, the purple prose, the addressing of serious subjects (corrupt police; realistic depictions of homeless HIV+ youth in the 80s; poverty in Cajun communities, etc)… But the dialogue was badly written, and this had no apparent point or plot. It didn't go anywhere; it was just disturbing scenes stapled together for shock value, with a disappointing (lack of) conclusion.

Another one for the "best of 2020" list. I am so, so in love with Bunny… A full five stars from me. If you read my review for this book, you'll see I didn't TALK much about it, and instead used gifs from various trippy, girl-centric horror movies to capture the aesthetic. This is both because Bunny is very hard to describe, the twists are all spoiler-heavy, and it's pretty 'style over substance.' Sometimes that bothers me, but in this case, I was VERY on board with it from beginning to end. Shallow, cult-like "mean girls" creating very literal Frankenstein-esque monsters in the name of scholarly excellence? Exploding rabbits? Fight Club-esque twists? Bone-dry commentary on academic elitism? Sapphic themes? Blood and guts splattered all over My Little Pony figurines? Sign me the FUCK up.

Well, The Family Upstairs was a better thriller than the Whisper Man, anyway. (Not that that's hard to achieve...) It's about an (adopted) young woman who discovers she's inherited a multi-million dollar mansion that, of course, comes with the dark history of her parents' cult suicide. She tries to unravel what happened to her family... Particularly to her older siblings, who have never been found. Again: I don't really care for thrillers. I find them shallow and silly. This one, despite some unfortunate implications (did the ONLY gay character really NEED to be a sociopath???) won points from me for being more about a family's struggle to survive frightening circumstances than a medium in which to thrust twists upon a jaded audience.

The first book in the Dublin Murder Squad series, In the Woods, takes everything negative I've ever said about thrillers and police procedurals and throws it out the window. Apparently, the genre CAN be elevated to "this might actually qualify as LITERATURE" standards. At 600 pages/a 20-hour audiobook, this was a HENCH tome. From my understanding, every book in this "series" is told from a different detective's POV. Every detective on the squad has one particular case they can't stand (Rob, our oh-so-flawed and unreliable protag, can't bear crimes against children. Naturally, In the Woods is hinged on the ritual rape and murder of a 12-year-old). Because this case is so PERSONAL for Rob, because it thrusts him into his own childhood trauma, we get to see his entire life unravel. Flashbacks, meltdowns, the dissolution of friendships, squad partnerships... This was a very cerebral hero's downfall, in that no clear answers are given, and much is left to reader interpretation. I look forward to how the rest of this series will break the well-intentioned Murder Squad, one by one.

I don't often count comics/manga towards my yearly reading goals, simply because they take less than an hour for me to read, and that feels like cheating. So while Blood on the Tracks, Vol. 1 was AMAZING, it won't be on my '2020 Read List.' Mein gott, though; Shuzo Oshimi has got subtle visual horror down to a science. His art is very subdued and realistic, and through clever angles he manages to put you in the place of a child watching his mother go quietly, violently insane. We (the audience) feel just as powerless and fragile as Seiichi, while everything in the background hints at things being Not Quite Right. I'm a lover of all things gory-horror... Yet it was THIS quiet little story that managed to make me feel truly horrified. Well done, Oshimi, you creepy fucker.

However, manga CAN be counted on my list if they're over 400 pages long. Monster, Volume 1 tells the story of Doctor Tenma, an exceptionally skilled Japanese neurosurgeon working in a German hospital. He chafes under the corrupt, money-grubbing policies of the facility, nearly losing everything when he ignores his boss's orders to tackle a high-profile case (the mayor) in favor of a random little boy, insisting that all lives are equal, and it's a doctor's responsibility to treat his first patient; not the more important one. While such moral convictions are commendable, they come under question when said little boy turns out to be the personification of pure evil... I loved this. I'd recommend it to any adults who loved Death Note when they were younger.

Herman Koch's The Dinner has been on my TBR for uhhhhh several years now. Translated from Dutch (I've read a lot of translated works this year...), it reminded me a lot of American Psycho, in that it's all upper middle class characters (who all not-so-secretly despise each other) meeting at a fancy restaurant to discuss absolute inanities. Whether or not they adopted a black child to earn political campaign points; the quality of the obscenely expensive wine; what to do about the arson and murder their teen sons committed... Yeah. This is a miserable and bitter little read about the shallow elite, and the crimes they get away with. I won't say I "enjoyed" this, but the writing was pretty good.

Oh a whim, I re-read the first book in Melissa Marr's Wicked Lovely series. Yes, it is YA trash. (And I mean TRASH. I'm not saying YA paranormal romance is INHERENTLY trashy; there are some entries of value in the subgenre. But is this one of them? AbsoLUTELY not.) But if anyone knows me, they'll know I'M trash for fairies. And not cutesy little boyfriend-material fey, either; I'm talking "will kill you and kidnap your children for funsies; the stuff of nightmares" fair folk, straight from Celtic mythology. And this series has PLENTY of that. Yeah, Aislinn is a Mary Sue of a protagonist, and the author's self-indulgent love of all things punk shines through every sentence, but this is one of the few series regarding fairies (and ESPECIALLY one of the only YA series) that actually captures what I LIKE about fairies. They're chaotic, selfish, vain entities who act only in self interest and have little to no value for human life. They're unpredictable and scary. They're SUPPOSED to be unpredictable and scary... They're monsters that SHOULD be up there in the horror pantheon with vampires and werewolves, but their continuous misrepresentation prevents that.

May 2020 Reads

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! Enough of last month's re-read-athon. This month is all NEW STUFF (for me, and in general. MOST of these books are only a year or so old). Most of the stuff on here was very enjoyable for me; especially towards the end of the month. As the world goes to hell around me, I'm shutting myself off more and more so I can hide in books, so yeah, there's kind of a lot.

I think it's time for me to put YA fantasy/paranormal romance, as a genre, aside. It's not that I think I've "outgrown" it (I don't believe there are age limits on joy, and the concept of being "guilty" over life's pleasures is abhorrent to me), I just can't find any satisfaction in shallow "boy meets girl, supernatural stuff happens, the end" romance anymore. I thought I could like Serpent & Dove because of the 'enemies to lovers' element-- I enjoy a good bodice-ripper every now and again-- but by the time any sexy business took place, the hate and tension had already evaporated into the tepid budding of young love. If you liked Nina and Matthias's romance in "Six of Crows," you'll like these two... Unfortunately, I HATED Matthias, and now I hate Reid, too. Neither of them deserve the girls who love them. If you want some bloody witchcraft, stake-burning, bawdy ballads, and culty human sacrifice between your pages upon pages of pining and kissy-face, you MIGHT enjoy this. While I do like those concepts when executed well, the characters and story just didn't have enough depth or sex appeal for me.

While paranormal YA romance grates me the wrong way, for some reason I don't mind CONTEMPORARY YA romance quite so much. Five Feet Apart tells the story of Stella, a teenager frequently hospitalized for her Cystic Fibrosis, and Will, who has the untreatable B. cepacia bacteria permanently infecting his lungs. Maybe it's because I grew up friends with a girl who had this same condition, but I found the exhausting life of cannula tubes and oxygen tanks and vibrating vests an achingly familiar one. I think the main difference between this kind of YA lit and what Serpent and Dove had to offer is the perspective-- I can't relate to a teen aching for heterosexual love, but I CAN view stories ABOUT teens from the perspective of a sympathetic adult. And I WAS sympathetic... I cared for Stella; I wanted her treatments to be a success. I wanted her to get that lung transplant. Unfortunately, this story lost me in the third act, which should be retitled "Supposedly Smart Teenagers Make Very Bad, Stupid, Out-of-Character Choices for No Reason Whatsoever." It left me frustrated and annoyed.

For mother's day, I read... Mother's Day; my first Renée Knight tale. It's only a few pages long, and is available for free on Amazon. A spooky little story about a child and her parents in a beautiful hotel that isn't all that it seems. It didn't leave much of an impact, but if you want to bring some spookiness into your saccharine holidays (and really, who DOESN'T?), maybe give it a shot?

My big sister used to love the '91 Kathy Bates movie, Fried Green Tomatoes. We watched it all the time when I was a little thing. Of course, the movie did nothing to prepare me for how wonderfully, blatantly, UNAPOLOGETICALLY gay the novel is. What the heck?! Why didn't I get folksy Southern lesbians in the movie??? The book is WAY more ballsy, and I loved it that much more for it. Like the film, the book explores issues of femininity (including menopause (and the ensuing hormone changes, including suicidality), old age, social responses TO women in certain age groups, female friendship, lesbianism, the women's' lib movement and those it left behind). Also like the film, the topics of domestic/spousal abuse, marital rape, ethical euthanasia, anti-black racism (the KKK, etc), and homelessness/poverty in the time of the Great Depression. While I'll always love the movie, the book is just so much richer.

I know it's a little early to pick a favorite book of 2020, but A Cosmology of Monsters might very well be it. I stayed up until 3am reading it, and then til 4am freaking out, on a work night. I BOUGHT it, and I NEVER buy books; I'm a library gal through and through. It was a gorgeous multi-generational love letter to classic horror about a family haunted by monsters both literal and figurative. I ran the entire emotional gambit, from tears to laughter to tension. It was carefully woven so that everything came together, all minor details synched, sometimes in a time-loop fashion. Immensely satisfying.

Written to cash in on the Gone Girl trend, The Silent Patient is... trash. It's so bad it actually made me angry. The world is full of twisty strange dark complicated wonderful books, and THIS is what becomes a bestseller?! The writing was childishly simple, the characters were completely flat and irrelavant, the lack of research or care was blatantly obvious, and the whole thing was a punchline setup for the Big Twist (completely unsupported by the rest of the text, by the way) that all thrillers these days live for, even when it comes at the cost of a worthwhile story. Drop the whole thing in a landfill.

Very Nice was FUN. It was bitter as a lemon, with a large cast of despicable characters, wallowing in the white privilege of the one percent, yet insisting they're liberal and hip. Vapid and fluffy, though it included the questionable subjects of school shootings and child molestation that seemed a bit out of its range. It just didn't fit the otherwise light summer beach-reading, and it wasn't resolved in any meaningful way... The plot would have been stronger without going on those uncomfortable detours. I enjoyed it, but I suspect readers who can't handle an irredeemable cast of 100% unlikable douchebags would have a hard time with it. (For me, the fact that they're SUPPOSED to be douchebags; that they were written with that intent, is what makes the difference between an amusing book and an unbearable one. Marcy Demansky was being satirical and snarky throughout, inviting the reader to mock these disasterous characters.)

I've wanted to read Rosemary's Baby since I first saw the film some years back, and Cosmology of Monsters, which is all about classic horror, cemented the decision for me. Man, this was a stressful read... I felt growing frustration throughout at all the men in Rosemary's life failing her time and time again. She was smart; figured everything out; came up with plans and did everything right (with the limited information and resources she had), and still she was dragged ever-closer to tragedy, both by general public misogyny and the overwhelming gaslightting/manipulating tactics of those close to her. ROSEMARY DESERVED BETTER. (Great book; excellently crafted, but it made me so angry...) PS: Anyone interested in how horror and feminism often go hand-in-hand should read this electricliterature article about women + food consumption in horror media.)

The Monster of Elendhaven was very short, very fun, and had a little bite to it. I was delighted to find a book that matches my dark sense of humor... I laughed and grinned quite a lot through this novella. (Also: it's gay! Yay.) Set in an alternate version of Victorian Europe, where End Times have already begun; the sea so polluted that all its inhabitants are mutants and monsters, a nameless boy rises to pilliage and murder. On adulthood, he meets another monster... Though he, a reputable dandy on the surface. Together, they construct a very literal plague of vengance. TW for child rape (non-graphic) and gore (very graphic). The ending surprised me!

I have seriously mixed feelings about Darling Rose Gold. On one hand, it's probably the best thriller I've ever read, and I typically don't like thrillers (see The Silent Patient above). It was complicated and twisty without being ridiculous or random. It was well written. The characters felt three-dimensional and realistic, like (horrible) people I know in real life. But it was also heavily derivative of the real-life case of Dee Dee and Gypsy Rose Blanchard. And I don't mean it just pays homage to this event; I mean it did everything but copy-paste directly from the Wikipedia article, names and all. All I could think is, "This happened less than five years ago. This must be super triggering to everyone involved." In fanfiction culture, writing RPF ("real-person fanfic") is frowned upon. It's important to keep a strong boundary line between fiction and reality. Even then, there are all sorts of rules, such as DO NOT SEND THIS TO THE ACTUAL PEOPLE INVOLVED. Somehow, that all goes out the window when you publish it professionally, ESPECIALLY when, rather than being murdered, Dee Dee/"Patty" is instead tortured in a personally crafted purgatory, as though the author believes herself an avenging God.

Best of 2019

It occurs to me that I never made a "best of 2019" list. And considering I am very bored at the moment, and procrastinating the work I'm actually supposed to be doing... Here we go! (My dad mentioned that he hasn't found anything good to read in a while, so I'll rate them by how much I think he would enjoy them.)

Disclaimer: I didn't read a lot of new works in 2019... Most of them are a few years old, or more. But they were new to ME.

In no particular order:

Broken Monsters by Lauren Beukes. A dark little mystery/thriller about the corpse of a little boy found sewn onto the body of a deer, things gradually take a turn for the supernatural. This story was told by multiple narrators, including a homeless man, a jaded cop and her teenage daughter, an unlikable reporter and his young girlfriend, and more. Rated only a 5/10 on the dad-o-meter, because things get REALLY mind-screwy at the end, and he prefers a straightforward narrative. (Trigger warnings: Child murder; viral video sexual assault.)

Spinning Silver further cements Naomi Novik as my queen. I exist in a constant state of admiration and envy over her skill... I WANT TO WRITE LIKE SHE WRITES. I don't even LIKE fairy tale retellings, and this Jewish retelling of Rumpelstiltskin is still perhaps the most technically perfect thing I've read all year. This is a story about women who put their foot down and said "no." No, they won't take any more abuse. No, they won't stay. No, they won't marry. I have so many feelings about this book that I can scarcely articulate them all. 7/10 on the dad-o-meter. (Trigger warnings: Physical child abuse; anti-Semitism.)

I Give You My Body by Diana Gabaldon is a good read if you, like me, write erotica. Some of the information was dated or heteronormative, but the majority of it was useful for crafting intimate scenes... And not just for titillation! A sex scene can be used to shock, horrify, sadden, etc. a reader, just like any other scene. Plus, the author is just funny; I found myself laughing out loud at quite a few moments in this book. Unfortunately a 1/10 on the dad-o-meter, as it's not in his realm of interest. (Trigger warnings: A chapter on non-consensual sex/rape; it can be easily skipped.)

The novelization of Guillermo del Toro's film, The Shape of Water, expanded considerably on what was already one of my favorite films, ever. For the most part, this wasn't a complete shot-for-shot retelling of the film, though of course it kept all the same plot beats. Every character's motives and backstory were explored in greater detail, and it just served to enrich the gorgeous love-story. 7/10 on the dad-o-meter, because he loves odd romances and cold-war history. (And because we went together to see the, quote, "naked fish sex movie" in theaters.) (Trigger warnings: Ableism; period-typical racism/ misogyny; attempted sexual assault.)

I KNOW I rant about Into the Drowning Deep by Mira Grant way too often, but it's on my "all-time favorites" list for a reason. It's a horror/sci-fi tale about a Titanic-sized ship of marine scientists sailing to the Mariana Trench to investigate suspicions of mermaids. And boy howdy, do they ever find them... They're slaughtered by the dozens as they try to investigate and communicate with these deep-sea terrors. This is a love letter to science and the mysteries of the ocean. I'm pretty sure it was tailor-made for me. 8/10 on the dad-o-meter because PLEASE PLEASE READ THIS, DANG IT, I NEED SOMEONE TO SCREAM WITH. (Pros: LGBT characters; positive plus-sized representation; women in STEM; positive Autism representation) (Trigger warnings: Gore/violence.)

Severance by Ling Ma might be the strangest zombie apocalypse I've ever read... And I've read a lot of them. Described as a "cozy" apocalypse, this tells the story of Candace Chen, a pregnant Chinese-American woman reflecting on her feelings of displacement and disenfranchisement as a modern-day yuppie in New York, doing dull office work and dating men she has no passion for. When the apocalypse strikes, she almost can't tell the difference... These zombies don't hunger for flesh; they simply continue doing the same tasks they'd done in life, over and over and over again... A definite 10/10 on the dad-o-meter. (I can't think of any trigger warnings, save for non-graphic violence towards the undead.)

As a lifelong Stephen King fan, I can't believe it took me this long to read Pet Sematary. So grim that King himself was reluctant to publish it, there were many stretches of pages that completely captured me, to the point where I lost myself in words. This is one of King's simpler, more straightforward stories: family moves house, woods haunted by wendigo spirit, spirit possesses that which is buried. Sometimes, especially when it comes to horror, simple is the best and most effective; this dread and apprehension will sink into your bones. No need to rate on the dad-o-meter; he reads even more King than I do. (Trigger warnings: Violence; Child death.)

While romance isn't usually my genre of choice, The Lady's Guide to Celestial Mechanics by Olivia Waite won me over by telling the story of an aspiring astrologist, Lucy, who stays with (and falls for) the widowed Countess Catherine Moth as she tries to be included in the "boys club" of recognized and respected astrologists. Catherine sponsors her as she translates astrological texts from French. Meanwhile, Catherine, too, is finding it hard to get a foothold in the art world. Art is "just for men." I think this story works for me because it goes beyond the romance to tell a story of misogyny, struggle, and Victorian homophobia... And yet it still has some very steamy scenes and the emotional depth this genre always strives for. 7/10 on the dad-o-meter. (Trigger warnings: Period-typical homophobia and misogyny.)

Whoo boy, Pretty Girls by Karin Slaughter was... A roller-coaster. I freaking LOVE Karin as a horror/suspense author, because she's willing to GO THERE and dig down deep... This was a dark, mean little thing about how we don't really know anybody; not even our own spouses. This one first attracted my attention because it's about three sisters, and as I myself have two older sisters... Well, let's just say if the things that took place in this book ever happened to them, I too would go on a bloody rampage for revenge. 2/10 on the dad-o-meter, because he doesn't handle "bad things happening to young girls" very well. (Trigger warnings: Graphic violence, sexual assault, torture, kidnapping.)

Fun fact: My Sister, the Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite was the book I gave MY sister for her birthday last year! (She liked it, too.) Exactly as the title states, hardworking Korede's beautiful sister, Ayoola, has a bad habit of killing the men she dates. Of course it's up to her big sis to clean up the mess; to keep her out of prison; to hide her sister's homicidal tendencies from the public. Full of Nigerian politics and social customs, this is a quick and fascinating read. 7/10 on the dad-o-meter. (Trigger warnings: mentioned police brutality.)

On the opposite end of the sibling spectrum, we have the very sweet and nostalgic YA novel, Summer of Salt, by Katrina Leno. Set on a reclusive island, twins Georgina and Mary are born into a family of witches who run the island's own bed-and-breakfast, where bird-watching tourists stay. On their last summer before sailing to the mainland for university, Georgina falls for a pretty tourist girl, Mary experiences a terrible tragedy, and an unforgivable crime takes place... And Georgina still hasn't developed her witchy powers! A story of sisterhood and small-town communities, this left my heart aching for the ocean. 6/10 on the dad-o-meter. (Trigger warnings: Sexual assault, non-graphic. Tastefully handled, imho.)

Rules for Vanishing by Kate Alice Marshall was another YA read; twisty and witty and quick. Perhaps I liked the concept (and the bisexual protagonist) better than the execution, but I still enjoyed this for what it was. Our protag, Sara, waits one year from the disappearance of her sister to search the woods for her. But these aren't ordinary woods; there are rules to follow. You must have a partner. You mustn't let go of their hand. You must stay on the path... This is a journey only children (or teenagers) may take... And Sara will soon be an adult. If she is to follow the riddle and find her sister, it has to be done now. 5/10 on the dad-o-meter. (No trigger warnings, save for general spookiness.)

Dumplin' by Julie Murphy is the final YA entry on the list. It's hilarious, touching, heartbreaking, sex and LGBT positive, and achingly relatable as a modern fat girl in America. While Willowdean embraces her size as part of her identity, and responds to bullying with both middle fingers raised high, she starts to butt heads with her mother when she attempts to enter a beauty pageant. As a fat girl with some family issues of my own... Yeah, I felt this like a brick to the brain. It made me laugh and cry. 8/10 on the dad-o-meter. (Trigger warning: fatphobia.)

Me? Read non-fiction? I'm just as shocked as you are! Princesses Behaving Badly by Linda Rodríguez McRobbie was so much fun. Every chapter was dedicated to a different princess throughout history, each of whom "behaved badly." We had orgy princesses, incestuous princesses, liar princesses, battle-hungry princesses, princesses willing to butcher their family for the throne... There were dozens of examples, and all were fascinating. 10/10 on the dad-o-meter. (I can't think of any particular triggers, though it does touch on some rough patches and opinions in history.)

In the Heart of the Sea by Nathaniel Philbrick is the last nonfiction book on this list. It tells the true tragedy of the whaleship Essex, which was sunk in 1820 by a sperm whale. The shipwrecked whalers spend 90 days travelling 3,000 miles, slowly starving to death and eventually resorting to cannibalism. I'm a horror junkie, but honestly, no fiction can capture the terror that reality sometimes brings to the table. 10/10 on the dad-o-meter. (Trigger warnings: cannibalism, starvation/ suffering, period-typical racism/ homophobia/ xenophobia.)

Damsel by Elana K. Arnold is short, sharp, and takes no prisoners. Every prince must slay a dragon, rescue its damsel, and sire the next prince. In this story, the rescued damsel is given the name of Ama. She has no memory of her past before meeting her prince, but she's informed that that's typical. That, really, she doesn't have to think or make any choices of her own; her whole life has already been decided for her. She doesn't have to enjoy it, but she must obey. Unfortunately for this prince, his damsel is less compliant than most... 2/10 on the dad-o-meter. (Trigger warnings: Misogyny, sexual assault, bestiality.)

The Raven and the Reindeer was my first hint that author T. Kingfisher will become a frequent guest on my 'favorites' lists. (I love her!) This one tells the story of a girl named Gerta who leaves her grandmother's hut and goes on a magical journey to rescue her boyfriend, Kay, after the snow queen takes him away. Magic and mayhem ensues. There's humor and witches and talking birds and lesbians. I described this to a friend as "The 'Paper Bag Princess' for adults." 6/10 on the dad-o-meter. (No specific trigger warnings come to mind.)

Pet by Akwaeke Emezi is very short, very strange, and very unique. Set in a utopia where all evil has (supposedly) been eliminated by angels, people are free to grow and learn and pursue their passions without fear or suffering. Our protagonist, a selectively mute trans girl named Jam, is shocked and horrified to discover that there are still a few devils hidden in plain sight, and summons a terrifying angel named Pet to help her destroy them... 4/10 on the dad-o-meter (I fear he'd find the concepts confusing). (Trigger warnings: Child abuse/ pedophilia.)

Middlegame by Seanan McGuire is a bit of a sleeper hit for me. It's a very long book, and at first I thought I didn't care for it. But the more I think about it, the more I'm craving a re-read. Alchemists begin a "twin project," where they create and distribute inhuman twins representing opposite sides of a concept across the globe in an attempt to open doors of knowledge. Twins Roger and Dodger, living embodiments of Literature and Mathematics, grow up on opposite sides of the country, completely unaware that they're special, and discover they have a psychic connection with one another. Twisty time-travel and alternate universes happen. It's complicated and hard to follow, so it's low on the dad-o-meter; only a 2/10. (No particular trigger warnings come to mind.)

I have such tender feelings for Erotic Stories for Punjabi Widows by Balli Kaur Jaswal. I know this whole list is comprised of 2019 favorites, but this might be my favorite favorite of 2019. Young, modern Nikki, tending bar in London, takes a job teaching elderly Punjabi widows to read and write in English in an effort to better connect with her culture. When her students express an interest in writing erotica, and even making their stories into a book, Nikki thinks it's an excellent idea... But the traditionalists at her temple strongly disagree. Not only that, but a cold case of a dead girl starts to unravel... This is a story about culture, tradition, religion, immigration, ageism, romance, and even a little mystery. 10/10 on the dad-o-meter. (Trigger warnings: Ageism, some mild homophobia, Anti-Indian racism, murder.)

There you have it. This may seem like a lot, but at less than a third of the total number of books I read in 2019, I can confidently say these were the cream of my crop. I hope everyone who reads this list now has something to add to their own to-read list!

March & April 2020 Reads

I didn't do a "March 2020 Reads" because I was both SWAMPED WITH WORK (who knew I was an ESSENTIAL EMPLOYEE??? Not me), and DEPRESSED AS HELL. Like pretty much EVERYONE ELSE in the world, Covid-19 wrecked my shit, but I think I read enough books between the two months to mesh together a semi decent list.

I needed some comfort food, so I re-read the first and second of the Newsflesh trilogy (for, like, the tenth time...): Feed and Deadline. While technically a zombie apocalypse narrative, Newsflesh isn't about the zombies. It's about human nature and fear; survival and recovery. It's about VERY dirty politics (the plot follows the oddly liberal Republican candidate of the US presidential election, and he's got some enemies out for blood). It's about a love for newsmedia; a defiance of censorship; and an uncovering of government conspiracies. It's also about biology/virology, because Mira Grant wrote it, and she is my science-obsessed senpai. This series is so RICHLY, intricately crafted, all the way down to the tiniest detail of worldbuilding. Anything this woman writes is a glorious sandbox in which I will gleefully wallow.

Okay, so maybe I had more than a little "comfort food" in the last two months. I re-read SEVERAL of my old favorites. SO SUE ME; THE WORLD WENT CRAZY. Into the Drowning Deep is, as stated in my review: "a love letter to conservation, to science, to evolution, to diverse [queer, disabled] characters, to humanity, to the deep ocean, to mysteries and to knowledge. F*** yeah, killer f***in' mermaids." If you like science-horror, heavy emphasis on the 'science;' if you like a literal boat-full of women in STEM fighting monster mermaids with SCIENCE, then this one is for you. (I hope you like gore. There's blood and guts everywhere, and it's DELIGHTFUL.)

As the months wore on, so did my need for hiding in the comfortable pages of the familiar. Inkheart was one of my favorite books from childhood. Cornelia Funke is an incredible German author who weaves words together in positively mesmerizing patterns. I've spoken to bilingual fans of her books, curious if it was just a skilled translator at work, or if the original text is just as beautiful. They insist that actually, the original text is EVEN MORE GORGEOUS. I believe it!!! Fun fact: Inkheart was THE book that cemented child-me's decision to become an author. I too wanted to make words into ART, the way Funke does. If you're interested in children's fantasy, this is a cross-Europe adventure with clever protagonists and nasty gangster villains. Give it a shot! It was so lovely to get back into this inky world, if only for a while. (Psst: Brendan Fraser himself narrates audiobooks #2 and #3. It's a very silly and amusing performance that had me giggling several times.)

I also had to re-read the second-- JUST the second-- book in the Hunger Games trilogy. This series was a BIG FREAKING DEAL when I was in middle school (the movies came later), and, unlike with Twilight, my gay ass actually UNDERSTOOD the hype this time around. Anarchy! Vive le revolution! Overthrow the regime! Sure, the love triangle between Peeta and Gale was annoying (they both suck), but tween-me forgave it, both because Katniss, too, didn't care for it, and because there's SO MANY more interesting things and characters happening. It had a puzzle to solve ("tick... tock...") and you grew to care for more of the tributes, which made it weightier when they were killed off or harmed. This series holds up really well upon re-read.

Earlier this year I read Rin Chupeco's "The Bone Witch," which wasn't really my cup of tea (though it was still unique, and I appreciated it for what it was). I'm glad I didn't write her off completely, because this time around I read her novel "The Girl from the Well," and I truly enjoyed it. Like the Bone Witch, it was so strange and dreamy and unique! I can't say I've ever read a haunting told from the point of view of a ghost before. As anyone interested in studying and creating horror can tell you, Eastern horror is very distinct from Western in a number of ways, and this novel felt like a love letter to all things Japanese and spooky. One suggestion: If you can avoid it, don't listen to the audiobook. While there's nothing wrong with it, the way the words are arranged on the pages of this book do matter. It's a very poetic style.

I read the 1892 short story "The Yellow Wallpaper," which is apparently a classic many people had to read in high school, but I'd never before heard of it. I heard some people online saying their quarantine situation reflected this 30-page story, but after reading it, I sincerely hope they're exaggerating. I understand that this was a very modern story (for its time), with ideas of female empowerment and resistance to the patriarchal structure. It was a very unsettling tale with a surprisingly satisfying ending; creepy to the point of horror. There's not much I can say -- it's so short that to say anything would spoil the whole thing, but I really, really loved it.

(I also read "The Box Social," which I'm not going to count, because it's only two pages long, but HOLY CRAP you GUYS, it packs a punch. I guess it's one of the first instances of date rape depicted in fiction, and the author got SO MUCH hate mail for it... But man. Poignant and heavy. I really admire authors who can tell such a complete story in such few words.)

Also beloved was the 1963 classic, The Wall by Austrian author Marlen Haushofer, which was recommended by my dad. If you read this, do it via audiobook. Kathe Mazur is one of the best, most perfect readers I've experienced in ages. Her VOICE!!! I usually listen to books at double speed so they hold my attention (that's ADHD for ya, baby), but I couldn't bear it for this one. It was meant to be listened to quietly; slowly. What a strange tale of a middle-aged woman in the Austrian mountains waking to find herself alone in the world, with an invisible wall trapping her in place. She has to learn how to live alone in nature, without society to support her. It's like if Jack London was a female author, or if I Am Legend skipped the vampires in favor of agriculture. I really loved it; it made my heart ache.

Because I love Ryan Hollinger's horror-analysis videos, I became intrigued by his newest video on Shutter Island. I checked the book out and gave it a quick read before I sat to watch what Hollinger had to say about it. I guess I LIKED Shutter Island... (it was a step above average, but only a step), but Hollinger leads me to think the Leonardo DiCaprio film, especially the very final line, was better than the book. I guess I'd recommend it if you're into "dark police procedurals screw with your perception of reality"-type stories. (You'd think I'd've liked it more... That SOUNDS like something that's right up my alley, but... eh; I've seen better.)

In an attempt to complete my Animorphs goal for the year, I finished a few more of the massive series. I am not too proud to say that #13, The Change, made me (an adult person on enough antidepressants that my tear ducts SHOULD have atrophied) cry actual tears. The series can be hokey and dated at times, but when it gets it right, it really gets it right. It blows my mind that Scholastic feared children would find Tobias, a red-tailed hawk, an unrelatable narrator. Somehow, his being a hawk only shows all the more what it MEANS to be human.

More lighthearted was Smoke Bitten, the twelfth installment in the Mercy Thompson series. If you like urban fantasy, I highly recommend this series to you. Let me scream to the heavens: "FEMALE PROTAGANIST OF COLOR IN HER MID TO LATE 30s!!!"

That's reason enough to read and love something, in my opinion, but there's a lot more at play here. I love Mercedes "Mercy" Thompson as a character, just by herself-- she's a Blackfeet VW mechanic with a history degree. She takes tai kwon do (among many other hobbies). She loves her friends and family, and has a supportive community. I may not like her eventual love interest (he's boring. MOST male urban fantasy love interests are boring compared to their exceptional girlfriends, tbh), but I appreciate that 1. she chose him carefully because he respects and supports her and 2. she never needed him in order to be complete as a person. Some topics this series covers that I particularly appreciate is in support of male survivors of sexual assault, and an opposition to toxic masculinity. (I also appreciate how the series has lately been becoming more and more leftist.)

This wasn't the BEST installment of the series (River Marked (#6) and Silence Fallen (#10) hold that place), but it was solid.

And... That's it, really. I know it's not much, especially considering most of these were re-reads for me. Here's hoping I feel more open to new things next month.

Top 10 Characters

I was tagged in a Tumblr meme to list my 10 favorite characters from any media. The catch is that I can't repeat franchises; only one character per "thing."

In no particular order:

1. Jude Duarte from the Folk of the Air series

I love how absolutely ruthless Jude is. How determined. How she's willing to go to such dark, self-destructive depths in order to win. She's been at a disadvantage since childhood, being a human in a world of immortal, powerful fey, and she's survived by becoming hard and cruel. She's dark in a way most female protaganists aren't "allowed" to be-- there is nothing she wouldn't do to achieve her ends. I love how she doesn't let romance rule her. She has feelings for "the enemy," but she wants the crown more. I relate to her because I, too, am the youngest of three sisters, and while we often fight, I would still die or kill for my siblings.
Nov 17 2021 Update: I absolutely hated what book #3 did to Jude's character. Hated it so much that I no longer read Holly Black books and I'm going to be changing this slot soon. I'm thinking either El from "Scholomance" or Zetian from "Iron Widow."

2. Georgia Mason from the Newsflesh series

Georgia is such a badass. I don't JUST love her aesthetic (caffeine-swigging, sleep-deprived journalist who doesn't have time for makeup or dressing up; she's too busy hunting zombies and unearthing truths), but I love how smart she is, and how unwilling she is to let injustice rest. She has a passion, and she's not going to let a society of fear stand in her way. (And there's one other aspect of her character that appeals to a more disgusting side of my tastes...)

3. Kaz Brekker from the Six of Crows duology [x]

Dirtyhands; the Bastard of the Barell; leader of the Dregs. A demon in the shape of a boy, with gloves up to his elbows and a crow's-head cane. I might be a wee bit predictable. All of the things I like about Jude Duarte's personality are the same things I like about Kaz. Kaz is willing to GO THERE, and then some. He'll carve out the eyeballs of people who mess with his crew, and he'll do it with a smile. He'll threaten the lives of children's dogs, and take on an entire gang in a fight for dominance. He does it all for his twisting plans and schemes; always one step ahead of everyone else. Like the author, he's physically disabled with mobility issues. His PTSD is another disability in itself, too. He's very much impacted by these things, and still he comes out on top again and again. (And to this day, he has the single MOST romantic line I've EVER heard in my life: “I would have come for you. And if I couldn't walk, I'd crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we'd fight our way out together-- knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that's what we do. We never stop fighting.” Guys, if someone said this to me, I think I'd just fall down dead on the spot. It's TOO GOOD; TOO MUCH. How can you NOT love him??? Need me a freak like this.)

4. Isuzu "Rin" Sohma from Fruits Basket

Fruba is a tale of fourteen very abused, isolated people learning to take control of their lives and break away from their toxic family.

Isuzu is my favorite of those fourteen. She's suffered the most physical abuse out of everyone in the family, and still she holds her head high and defiant. She's not willing to wait for her curse to break, or to wallow in the hopelessness that it never will, like all the rest of her cousins. No; SHE'S going to go out and break it herself if it KILLS her, and it very well might. Most importantly, she makes it very clear that she's under no obligation to EVER forgive her abusers. (I get really sick of media that says you have to do just that. No; you very much don't.) She will rebuild her life without ever having to eat that crow.

5. Imperator Furiosa from Mad Max: Fury Road (It was REALLY hard to choose between her and Max. They're Dad Max and Momiosa; why would you ever make me choose???)

MM:FR is a tale of reclaiming what was stolen from you; your life, your name, your body. It's a narrative that combats toxic masculinity to its very core. TAKE A SIP OF THAT TASTY, BODILY AUTONOMY-SUPPORTING FEMINISM, BABES.

I have never loved Charlize Theron as much as I did when she BECAME Furiosa. She just embraced this character. Every flick of her eyes, every tilt of her head, every set of her jaw conveyed the story of a woman who'd had Enough, and no more was she going to take it. She'd win, or she'd die trying, but either way, she and Joe's wives were NOT going back to begging for water at a misogynistic pig's feet.

Furiosa is the person I most try to embody when I need strength and courage. I love her more than air.

6. Wanda Maximoff from X-Men: Evolution (IT WAS REALLY HARD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN HER, HER DAD, AND HER BROTHER. I JUST REALLY LOVE THE WHOLE FAM, OKAY?!?!)

For those unused to the nonlinear format of American comics, I advise people to think of them like myths and legends, rather than proper stories. The characters exist, and the Big Names that own them (Marvel, DC, etc), loan them out like children sharing their toys. No two writers will write the same stories, relationships, plots. Their personalities and backstories will change a little with every re-telling. Personally, I love Wanda best when she is the Jewish/Romani daughter of Magda Maximoff and Magneto, but that's just me.

I say all this to explain why I love Evo's iteration of Wanda in PARTICULAR. This Wanda is angry, vengeful, butch, queer-coded, and determined never to be caged again. She THINKS she HATES her father and her brother... Right until the very end, when she comes so close to losing them forever.

What can I say? I like tragedy, I like angst, and I like family bonds so strong that love still miraculously survives, even in the depths of hatred. (Plus, Wanda is arguably the most powerful mutant in the series; stronger even than her father. She's just badass, okay? Leave me alone.)

7. Severus Snape from the Harry Potter series

See my #4 and #9 entries for more on why I personally need characters who are "bad" abuse survivors in my life. I was a child when I grew attached to Severus; I still own a copy of Sorcerer's Stone where I drew little hearts around every mention of his name. I had so many intricite fantasies where I worked in his classroom as an assistant, and he protected me from the people who were hurting me. My love for him is very personal, and yes, I do get defensive when people hate on him.

Severus could not be any more of an obvious abuse survivor if he TRIED. He lashes out to protect himself. He is outright triggered by the mere implication that he is cowardly (he is, in fact, the bravest man in the series). He isn't a "good" teacher, but to his credit, he was forced into a job he hated at the tender age of 21. I, too, am an introvert who hates spending time in the company of other people-- If I was forced to interact with children all day every day, I'd be pretty dang grumpy, too.

I'm not saying people SHOULD like him-- to each, their own. I'm just saying Snape faces an extreme amount of hatred online that truly baffles me. I love that he's brave and self-sacrificing. I love that his selfless love for Lily (no, he wasn't an "incel," do you people even know what that word means???) lasted nearly two decades after her death-- I too am a "mate for life" type of penguin. I love that he's an absolute prodigy with potions, and he COULD'VE been a billionaire doing work he loved, had Dumbledore not stuck him in daycare as some weird sort of punishment. (I hate Dumbledore so much...)

No, Snape isn't "nice," but who cares? He's smart and competent and he gets shit done. Snape is the ultimate redemption arc, in that he was willing to keep going year after year while nobody ever understood or extended a single hand of kindness to him. His life was pretty much a tragedy from start to finish, and because of him, the war was won; a better world that he never lived to see was allowed to bloom.

8. Chloe Price from Life is Strange

Chloe is, in a lot of ways, the stereotypical rebellious teen. She's wild! Out of control! She drinks and sleeps around with people of any gender and gets high and steals guns! She's... She's free in the way all of us nerdy kids WISH we'd been as teens. Or, at the very least, who we WISH our FRIENDS were.

Because Chloe IS an amazing friend. She's loyal to a fault (loyalty is the one trait I prize above all others). Whether you play the game as her platonic friend or her romantic interest,
she'll go to any length to defend and keep you... Or to avenge you. She'll get you into the worst trouble, but then she'll still be right there to get you back out again.

There's a vulnerability, a raw honesty to Chloe, that really resonates with me. She's a wolfdog; misunderstood and untamed. I just love her. I wish I could explain it better than that.

9. Jessica Jones from Netflix's "Jessica Jones"

Often in media, rape survivors are presented in a way I just can't relate to: they're waifish and tragic, suffering beautifully, crying quietly. That's not what I'm like, and it's not what Jessica is like, either.

Jessica is a breath of fresh air. Jessica is angry. Jessica demands vengance. Jessica drinks and swears and sleeps with people she shouldn't sleep with. Jessica throws punches and runs away from her problems. Jessica says "screw you; I'm not a victim. I'm a survivor." She dares you to feel sorry for her. Just TRY it.

And yet despite ALL that, she's still a hero. She still pushes herself to injury and madness to keep everyone, even people she doesn't like, safe. And do not get me STARTED on her protective friendship with Trish... I JUST WANT THEM TO GET MARRIED AND BE HAPPY AND HEAL TOGETHER. (sobs)

10. Homura Akemi from Puella Magi Madoka Magika

I debated a lot on what character should fill the final slot... But something reminded me lately of this series, and then my choice was obvious.

Homura is so loyal it almost destroys the earth. She's self-sacrificing (in that she's agreed to sacrifice her entire life existing in a time loop, trying time and again to find SOME way to save the girl she loves. Failing hundreds on THOUSANDS of times, without anyone in the world knowing what she's doing or why.

She's bitter and cruel on the outside to hide how hurt, how fractured she is inside. She's exhausted and desperate and pushed to her very limits time and time again.

Basically, she couldn't be any more "my type" if she was written specifically FOR ME. I love that angst and star-crossed love, yo. (And also she's pale and has long dark hair. LEAVE ME ALONE, I'm gay.)

PMMM is a series about the way society uses girls while simultaneously ignoring their value. It takes the true horror of that concept and elevates it to an extreme, sci-fi conclusion. It's only 12 episodes long and, artistically speaking, the animation and score is breathtaking. And it's on Crunchyroll for free! I highly recommend it to everyone; especially anyone interested in animation as a career.

... Alright, that's it; that's my list. Go home now.

February 2020 Reads

I started out the month finishing up the audiobook of Rin Chupeco's The Bone Witch. I'm always down for authors of color writing genre fiction starring characters of color. The coming-of-age tale of a young necromancer finding her way in a witch ("asha")-filled fantasy world, TBW was refreshingly different from most first-person YA I've read. Yeah, there were some of the tiresome clichés, but where this book shone most was in the worldbuilding and the rich culture of the ashas (which seems to be a mix of feudal Japan and India). Stir in a teaspoon of commentary on rigid gender roles and those that dare defy them, and you've got yourself a decent story. I won't be reading any more of this series, but I don't regret this one.

I went on an odd spree of 50's horror classics. It wasn't planned; it just happened that way. I really liked all of them. Published in '52 was The Killer Inside Me, which was one of the first "villainous protagonist" stories ever published, coming from the first-person POV of a friendly, small-town Southern sheriff, who just so happens to moonlight as a sadist and serial killer. I Am Legend, published in '54, was next. Robert Nigel is an average Joe who has to cope with being the last surviving human after the (vampire) apocalypse. Yes--vampires. Blood-drinking, garlic-fearing vampires. By day, he finds their hideouts and stakes as many as he can. By night, he hides in his fortified house and teaches himself microbiology in order to (hopefully) craft a cure for the plague that cost him everything. Ending in 1959, I read Shirley Jackson's The Haunting of Hill House. I have A Lot of Feelings about Jackson's work, in that she writes horror for women (queer women), and I am a queer woman. All of her work strikes a cord with me. I think my full review for AHoHH expounds on that more than I can encapsulate in this little blurb here.

I listened to the audio for The Bear and the Nightingale. (I advise sticking to the audio. Kathleen Gati pronounces all the Russian (that I would've butchered) correctly.) If this is your type of book, you'll know it instantly when I say it's a fairy tale (emphasis on the "fairy") about a spunky girl in a repressed society falling for a personification of nature. I can name tons of books with that exact premise, and I struggle to think of any way this one stands out. (MAYBE it was a little more "adult" than some? At the very least, it didn't go on for paragraphs about how ~dreamy~ the winter king is, for which I'm very thankful. And as a fey junkie, I like the return to classic "Paganism vs Christianity" roots.) I will say that it was good quality, and I'm looking forward to the sequel. If this is your cup of tea, you'll like it. If not, this one won't change your mind.

One of my 2020 goals was to read 25 books in the lengthy Animorphs series. As relatively short "children's" books (heads up: they contain body horror, war, war CRIMES, child soldiers, enslavement, and genocide), it's not difficult to speed through two a day, or more. This month, I read #10, #11, #12, and #13. As with all series of this size, you've got your highs and lows. In this assortment, #12 was at the high end (it was interesting to learn more about how morphing works, and the Yeerk plan of infecting people who are socially (and not just politically or physically) powerful was frighteningly clever). #10, "The Android" was lower (if I remember correctly, the Chee androids do become plot-relevant later down the line, but that doesn't make the very concept of their creation or morals any less ridiculous).

Bardugo is a mixed bag for me-- there's a harsh, gritty quality to most of her work that I find very appealing, so long as she isn't trying to cater to a generic, mainstream audience (looking at you, Grisha trilogy). Ninth House is far from generic, but it's missing any chemistry; any likability. The driving plot-- the death of some random girl we never even meet-- isn't exactly riveting material, and the characters chosen to tell it aren't particularly suited to the task. I know it's not fair to compare the more grounded reality of Ninth House to the fantasy world of Six of Crows, but 6OC just felt so much more mysterious; rich; dangerous. (It doesn't help that I never particularly cared for dark academia as a subgenre. The Secret History, If We Were Villains, etc, do nothing for me.) I found this book muddled, unbalanced, confusing, and worst of all: boring.

By far the best thing I read all month was The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. Historical fiction isn't my FAVORITE genre, but I sure perk up for tales of bisexual Cuban megamillionairs in their late seventies giving a tell-all re: their scandals and manipulations and relationships and affairs in 1960's Hollywood. While it does contain the heavy topics of racism, sexism, abortion, homophobia, child brides, and domestic violence that Evelyn faced in her climb to the top, there's a lot of love and romance and intrigue there, too. Evelyn is a cunning mastermind, always one step ahead, always twisting angles and using people to come out on top, which is my favorite type of protagonist, ESPECIALLY when they're a woman. If you like self-aware, queer women of color unafraid to grab life by the balls and demand what they want, then this is for you. Once more, I highly recommend sticking to the audiobook. There were several readers for the different parts, and they were all perfectly cast.

January 2020 Reads

I didn’t get as much reading done as I’d have liked, but when do I ever?

I really liked T. Kingfisher’s “The Twisted Ones.” Or, I liked the first half of it, anyway. The conclusion felt like a bit of a letdown, but it was still good and creepy. Read if you like Southern Gothic, a complete lack of romance, Eldritch horrors, alternate dimensions, cute dogs, and sassy senior citizens. 4/5 stars.

I didn’t think I was gonna like Naomi Novik’s “His Majesty's Dragon,” because I don’t like historical fiction, and I really don’t like war books (ESPECIALLY war books that suck England’s dick), but I forgot for a second that Naomi NOVIK is the author, and I’d gladly read her grocery lists. It’s the French revolution of the late 1700s, except both sides are using dragons for aerial combat. Read if you like dragon biology, alternate universes with (a little bit) more gender equality and sex positivity, and some tender dragon/human bromances. 4/5 stars.

I WANTED to love Maggie Stiefvater’s “Call Down the Hawk.” I’ve loved Maggie’s work since I was 15 (I’m 26 now). I’ve met her several times, and even took a class from her. But over the past few years, I’ve noticed a drop in the quality of her work. (Maybe I’m just outgrowing her style?) I was really disappointed with CDTH. It was extremely rushed; overrun with a million subplots and brand new characters. It was too overwhelming. If she’d slowed the hell down and kept her focus on one-two major plots, I would’ve had a better time reading this, and could maybe have grown to like some of the new characters. 2/5 stars.

I also reread the first two books of Dan Wells's 6.5-book John Cleaver series. I LOVE this series, and think it’s one of my favorite horror series out there (even though it’s YA, which is usually… Not great with horror). It’s not the BEST when it comes to dealing with mental illness (not all people diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder (sociopaths) are serial killers in the making, Dan), but it’s clear the author does give a damn, and is at least making some effort with his research. It gets better as the series goes on, anyway. A teenager with APD pours his violent urges into hunting demons, instead of other people. Read if you enjoy legit scary scenes, gore, embalming, demons, neurodivergent protagonists, and brains over brawn scheming. The series averages 4/5 stars from me (#2 and #5 are 5/5 stars, tho).