Laura Freeman's Blog, page 26

Under Your Skin

Under Your Skin by Rose McClelland 2020 Thriller

The story of an unhappy marriage is told through different characters beginning with the husband, Kyle, calling the police to report his wife is missing. He begins as a sympathetic husband concerned about his wife’s welfare but as the story progresses, his secrets are revealed.

Other characters have secrets as well with police investigator Kerry attracted to her superior Simon, who is married but reveals some cracks in the relationship. Kate and Guy are another couple who have secrets and problems revealed chapter by chapter.

Then there is Hannah, the missing wife, who uses pills and alcohol to cope with life and doesn’t seem to mind being held captive in a basement. Add Julia, who volunteers to search for Hannah but ends up sleeping with Kyle.

McClelland builds the history and adds tension with each new revelation. The story looks at domestic violence and the problems of reporting, escaping, and the escalation of violence. The characters act logically and act intelligently but that doesn’t guarantee safety.

I wrote a news story about a woman who had a restraining order on her husband, owned a gun and a dog, but her husband lured his three teenage sons away from the house and broke down the door. He shot her before she could shoot him – she had a gun in her hand and a cell phone in the other. She did everything right but still ended up dead. He also shot the dog, who survived. The husband then shot himself and the sons returned home to find them.

This story is was well-written but each character told his or her story from first person point of view. Even though each chapter was labeled, it seemed like a lot of heads to get inside of for the story. I would also like to see phrases like “I heard” eliminated and show more than tell. These are minor problems and don’t take away from a page-turning story. Another thing to watch is three names starting with K – Kyle, Kerry, and Kate.

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The Wizard’s Daughter

The Wizard’s Daughter by Barbara Michaels 1980 Berkley Book

The mystery/ghost story begins with David Holmes speaking to spirits in 1880 to the nobility of Europe. Then we are introduced to Marianne Ransom whose father has died and left debts. Her godmother Mrs. Jay would take her in but is dying of cancer and arranges for her to travel to London where a friend will help her gain employment.

Marianne is naïve and dreams of singing on the stage. She is hired by Mr. Wilson to perform at his hall, a place where gentleman can purchase an actress. Marianne is protected by Mr. Wilson because her innocence act is popular, but Percival Bagstock comes to her dressing room and tries to take advantage of her. Maggie, her maid, knocks him unconscious, and they escape.

After a job as a governess where she spanks her spoiled charge, lawyer Roger Carlton takes her to the Duchess of Devenbrook who is looking for the long lost daughter of David Holmes. Dr. Horace Griffstone has takenin care of the Duchess Honoria for many years and they indulge her in a séance to try to reach the ghost of David. She is convinced Marianne is David’s daughter.

They travel to the castle of Devenbrook where a host of odd characters add to the story as Marianne denies being David’s daughter but is grateful for Honoria’s care. Roger is in love with her but maintains his distance except in his jealousy of tutor Victor and clergyman St. John.

Michaels keeps us guessing about the ghosts. She also throws in an abduction by Bagstock. The ending was hinted at but still a surprise.

I would have liked more of a romance developed between Marianne and Roger to offset all the gloom and doom of the story.

Michaels allows the narrator to invade the story and reference future scientific discoveries or knowledge Marianne did not know about. They weren’t necessary and were a distraction to the flow of the story.

Point of View is important in a story and is a concept that many writers fail to master. Take time to learn about them and how to write in different styles to learn what works best for you and the story.

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Love Not A Rebel

Love Not A Rebel by Heather Graham 1989 Dell Publishing

Amanda Sterling is a loyal Tory as the Colonies begin their rebellion against England. She is in love with Lord Tarryton and plans to marry him when she is told he is engaged to marry a duchess, and Tarryton proposes she become his mistress instead.

Lord Eric Cameron knew Amanda as a child and is attracted by her beauty and is privy to her romantic exchange with Tarryton and her humiliation. He offers to marry her and defends her against Tarryton and her vicious father, who plans to use her to spy for the British. Her father uses her love for her cousin Damien, who is a member of the Sons of Liberty, to force her to marry Eric and then betray him.

Graham covers the major points of the Revolutionary War throughout the book and adds plenty of lovemaking between Eric and Amanda. But these two strong-willed, proud individuals can’t trust or declare their love and you want to shake some sense into them. Graham gives us several reasons to keep them apart, but their conversations on the verge of honest declarations are snuffed out by passion instead. The absence of dialogue between the two characters never allows the reader to know them any deeper than being beautiful and devoted to their convictions. Their relationship isn’t developed enough for the reader to believe they could overcome the hurt and betrayal inflicted on each other.

The ending reveals the reason behind her father’s hatred, the true spy, and a showdown with Tarryton, but it could have come sooner.

This is another bodice ripper with threat of rape, plenty of passionate scenes, and a lot of description of clothing, historical buildings, and historical events. It covers most of the American Revolution for history buffs and describes Colonial Williamsburg’s major buildings, but the characters never come fully to life.

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They Call Me Crazy

They Call Me Crazy by Kelly Stone Gamble 2014 mystery

This story is told from several points of view but each has its own chapter with the name of the POV person at the top so it isn’t difficult to keep them apart. This was done in “The Girl On The Train” and I’ve used this technique in my latest book. It helps to get deep into the mind of the main characters.

The characters are dysfunctional to say the least. The story begins with Cass burying her husband, Roland, in the poi pool he was digging. We learn how he verbally abused her and she throws out all the pills the doctor was prescribing for her craziness. We also find out that cheating Roland has been stealing her disability check and buried the cash in mason jars in the yard under all his plants. The reader is sympathetic toward Cass but knows she has killed her husband. How is she going to get out of this one?

If she was smart, she would dig up the money and leave town but she goes into town to buy a new shovel and since Roland was her shadow in the past, being alone raises a red flag to those who know her. We discover through the other characters that Roland cheated on Cass with any woman in town but her ex-best fired Maryanne has a secret that goes beyond the cheating. Gamble also reveals Roland’s brother and the sheriff have secrets which are revealed later in the story. This is another good technique for keeping the reader turning the pages – hint at a secret but wait to reveal it.

Gamble peels back layer after layer in the story, taking us deeper into the secrets and thoughts of the characters so that we understand them by the end of the story. This reveal is deeper than most mystery stories where there are good guys and bad guys. The characters in this story have good and bad traits which impact their decisions. Gamble shows how a tragic incident or bad advice in the past impacted the rest of that person’s life until they finally said enough was enough.

The story could have gone very dark but Gamble uses humor and keeps the situation more in the style of “The Gazebo” than “Fargo.” When she tries to move Roland’s body, it becomes hilarious and leads to the discovery of her crime. Her sister provides an excellent lawyer but you’ll have to read the story to discover the final outcome. It’s worth the read.

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The Hangman’s Beautiful Daughter

The Hangman’s Beautiful Daughter by Sharyn McCrumb 1993 Onyx

This is a mystery, supernatural, and cause story with several story threads that interlock to bring about the ending. Even with all the subplots, the story was easy to follow.

It begins with Nora Bonesteel who has visions, mostly about death before it happens. This is a dark story seen through several characters.

Laura Bruce is an outsider married to the local preacher who is stationed in the Middle East. She is expecting their first child. Because she is the minister’s wife, Sheriff Spencer Arrowhead calls her to a murder scene of the Underhill family. The eldest son, Josh, has murdered his parents and youngest brother, Simon. Mark and Maggie were at church and missed the slaughter. Laura tries to comfort them but they are stone-like in their reaction.

Another storyline is about Officer LeDonne, a Vietnam vet, who is struggling with nightmares. He comes across a man in camo carrying a gun and walking along the street. Suspecting drugs or weekend warriors, he begins to investigate him.

Two childhood friends are reunited when Taw returns to the Tennessee Appalachian hometown but finds Taw dying of liver cancer. He blames the Dove River polluted by the paper mill upriver in North Carolina. They begin a campaign to make the company pay for his illness.

Tammy and her son, Morgan, 3, live in a trailer park trapped in poverty. Her husband is fighting in the Middle East. The Sheriff meets them during a charity gift giveaway and Laura gathers gifts for them during a church activity.

McCrumb lays the groundwork by revealing inner thoughts and feelings and backstories for the characters before a sequence of tragic events brings the story to its climax. True to Bonesteel’s vision several people will have to die, but the ending offers a look at courage and community.

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Learning from mistakes

If I read a book that I find a lot of flaws in, I won’t review it. Often the author is a beginner, and I don’t want to discourage anyone from writing a book. But I will share the flaws I found in the book so others can learn from their mistakes. I will share what I learned from two mysteries I recently read.

One was a cozy which is a mystery genre where the crime is not described and occurs “offstage.” In this cozy the prologue is from the point of view of the murderer who is placing bricks in place to bury the body of his wife. Very Edgar Allan Poe which had my interest but that great opening scene was not matched in the story.

One hundred years later the new owner of the historical and haunted house is doing renovations and the handyman finds the bones of two people behind the brick wall. It’s a great idea, and I read the entire story but very little was shared about the couple or why they ended up in the wall. This story begged to be a parallel story with the past linked to the present but not of that happened.

The story had a subplot about a stolen nativity scene that was a big distraction and had nothing to do with the past murders or modern murder introduced about half way through the story. This is way too late for a murder in a mystery novel. The new murder must occur early in the story and the fun for the reader is figuring out who did it. This whodunit had only a few remaining chapters to interview suspects and solve the crime. Another let down was the weapon, which turned out to be an over-the-counter poison administered accidentally.

Villains need to be bad. Don’t go in half way and try to redeem them. They also need a strong motive for committing murder.

The biggest flaw was the series was named for the heroine of the story but she plays no active role in figuring out the crime. She doesn’t find the bones, she doesn’t own the B&B where the bones or murder take place and her husband is a professional investigator and solves the crime with very little help from her. Even an amateur sleuth has to have an active part in the mystery. She should discover the body or be present when it is found, which would have been easy in this story. She should also find the clues and speculate on the suspects. The wrong person was chosen as the heroine. The heroine’s best friend and owner of the B&B would have been a better choice.

Another problem was the POV. In a mystery the point of view should be the one solving the mystery but this story jumped from one person to another as the story progressed. The writing was clean and this writer could create a good product, but she needs to figure out the rules of her genre and follow them.

The other mystery was a traditional whodunit written by a man using familiar locations for the setting. Someone familiar with the site had no problem picturing it. but he did not provide enough details to create a visual for the reader. It is a good idea to write about something familiar but remember the reader has never been there, and a writer should place a few lines of well written description at the beginning of a chapter to give your characters a stage. This writer was strong on dialogue and plotting but weak on description and giving the characters something to do so the people in it weren’t talking heads. This writer also had a problem with POV, letting us into everyone’s head although he did stay in the main character’s head most of the time.

The villain in this story was a troubled teenager and the adults in it felt sympathetic toward him. This sent confusing messages, especially when the teen kidnaps two of the women. Teen villains belong in young adult stories. The villain should have been an adult with a strong motive for killing the victim in the story. Remember, you can’t have a hero without a villain and they should be equally balanced.

The characters in this book and the other had minor flaws but it is better to have a character grow through the experience. In the first book, the owner of the B&B is starting over after an abusive relationship but we learn nothing about the former husband or how she has changed. In this one the lead has had several relationships that have failed but the only one he improves is the one with his father. It was difficult to identify and sympathize with the lead character. Remember when Harry Potter is introduced to the reader, he is living under the stairs. Who doesn’t sympathize with a boy living in a closet? Your main character needs to be the underdog at the beginning and triumph at the end or what does the reader have to root for?

Reading good and poorly written books can help you become a better writer but analyze what you read. I liked both books but when I went to review them, the flaws jumped out, and I couldn’t promote them. I hope they grow as writers and maybe I’ll review something in the future.

More reviews can be found at authorfreeman.wordpress.com

Sea of Temptation

Sea of Temptation by Christine Dorsey 1993 Zebra Books

[image error]This historical romance is set in 1862 and the wealthy socialite Felicity Wentworth proposes marriage to abolitionist preacher Jebediah Webster who reprimands her for not taking his sermons and slavery seriously.  To prove her sincerity, she promises runaway Esther to bring her children back from Magnolia Plantation.

In Charleston blockade runner Devon Blackstone sees the red-headed Felicity in widow’s garb harassed by sailors and comes to her rescue only to be beaten while she continues on without realizing his sacrifice. With her cousin gone, she accepts the elderly Evaline Blackstone’s offer to stay at her home and attend a dance where she runs into Devon. Their attraction is mutual, but he knows she is lying about rescuing children and is likely a spy. He follows her to the plantation, which is occupied by Federal soldiers. They stay at his neighboring home, Royal Oak, which is in disrepair.

Federal soldiers come to Royal Oak and take her hidden gold coins to buy the children, who have been hiding at Royal Oak. Devon frees his slaves, and she confesses she is betrothed. Devon was engaged once but she married a rich man, and he still carries the scars. The sergeant returns at night and attempts to rape her. Devon arrives but it is Felicity who shoots the sergeant. They take the children by boat and escape.

Felicity’s lies catch up to her, but Devon tells her he loves her even though he doesn’t know what to do about it in the middle of the war. Felicity thinks Jebediah is still the man for her even though she can barely recall his face, and the passion between her and Devon repeats itself several times.

This has all the elements of “Gone With The Wind” with a daring blockade runner, a plantation in ruins, the war, and another man in the picture. Dorsey’s writing is fast paced and there is plenty of action to move the story along quickly. I did want a deeper dive into their past problems. Felicity never examines her father’s coldness or her need to impress him and Jebediah until the very end and then it is in action and not so much a reflection.

Writers need to balance action along with reflection. What did the character learn from the previous pages of conflict or challenge? How does that reflection influence their next decision and push the story forward? Don’t leave everything to the end for a single epiphany, but allow the characters to make mistakes and grow throughout the story with the life changing decision at the end.

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Wish Upon A Duke

Wish Upon A Duke by Erica Ridley 2018

This is a Christmas series, the 12 Dukes of Christmas, so it is appropriate for December and has all the names and setting to make it a holiday story.

Gloria Godwin lives in Christmas in northern England where she feels safe from the pain of losing her betrothed to life in India, her father to the sea and her mother to heartbreak. She longs for love but no one notices her. She gives tours of the stars at the castle and has her own telescope and orrery in her cottage.

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Christopher Pringle is the brother of a duke who is planning to marry Gloria’s best friend, Penelope. Christopher becomes the most eligible bachelor overnight but wants a wife to share his life of adventure and the stars. He has two tickets for India and four weeks to find a wife. Penelope tells him Gloria is a matchmaker and he hires her to find a woman he can share his life with.

He is a stickler for rules and is appalled when Gloria makes up names for the constellations during her tour. He also watches as she throws together the ingredients for a pudding instead of following the recipe. Gloria packs her trunk for faraway places she reads about in books but never leaves town. She’s afraid to ice skate because it represent water, drowning, and death to her.

After introducing him to three very eligible young ladies, Christopher realizes Gloria is the girl for him but she cannot make him happy because she cannot leave Christmas and he can’t stay and lose his love of adventure.

Ridley makes the two characters fun and entertaining and the reader is cheering for them to find a way to make their relationship work. Their motives for not falling in love are as great as their longing to be in love and makes the romance believable but keeps the reader wondering how they will work it all out. This is the tried and true formula for any romance. This story is a pleasant way to spend a snowy evening.

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MacPherson’s Lament

MacPherson’s Lament by Sharyn McCrumb 1992 Ballantine/Mystery

[image error]This is a series with forensic anthropologist Elizabeth MaPherson as the main character, but she makes her initial appearance in a letter to her brother Bill MacPherson, who has finally, much to his family’s shock, graduated from law school and opened up a law practice in Danville, Virginia, with another green lawyer, A.P. Hill or Amy Powell Hill, a civil war re-enactor in her part-time.

Most heroes in a story are capable and skilled. Elizabeth falls into that category. But Bill and A. P. are gullible innocents and fall into trouble immediately in the story. Bill brokers the sale of an old southern mansion for eight elderly women, the children of Confederate soldiers, who fathered them in their old age to explain the 127 year gap from the Civil War. They pick Bill because he’s nice and stupid.

Bill sells the mansion to John Huff, a rich businessman who thinks there is treasure hidden in the mansion. Randolph Custus Byrd arrives to say the mansion belongs the the state, and Bill is charged with a fraud sale and the murder of the eight women, who are missing.

Subplots include Bill and Elizabeth’s parents going through a divorce and Bill looking up trivial law questions for his first client. A.P. is trying to prove her first client is innocent of murder and fights a park ranger who said women can’t be re-enactors.

Laced between all the fun and drama is a history lesson about two Confederate navy/army soldiers who took gold bars at the end of the Civil War. The history was interesting and the idea of missing Confederate gold is still being pursued today by treasure hunters. And two of the elderly woman are the daughters of the two men.

McCrumb has a way of writing humor that I find fun and refreshing. I enjoyed her layers of plot and subplot that come together in the end for a satisfying conclusion. The characters stumble into making blunders that drive them into trouble, but they are so much like us, we would make the same mistakes in similar situations. The reader rallies for them even as they face defeat. I’d recommend looking up the other books by McCrumb for a fun night of reading.

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The Lottery Winner

The Lottery Winner by Mary Higgins Clark 1994 Simon & Schuster

[image error]This is a collection of short stories featuring lottery winners Alvirah and Willy, a maid and plumber who won $40 million and moved to Central Park. The stories are concise and introduce the crime and suspects in quick order. For anyone who wants to write a short story, these are good examples and the use of the main characters ties all the stories together.

In the first one Alvirah and Willy return from a trip and take the elevator up to their apartment with Broadway producer Carlton and his tolerant wife Vicky Rumson. While upacking they discover the body of actress Fiona Winters in the closet. Their nephew Brian McCormick, a playwright, was dating her and angry when she left the starring role in his last play to go to Hollywood. She had returned to get the lead in his next play, making Brian the lead suspect. The story is about how to prove Brian’s innocence and find the murderer.

The second story has them at Cape Cod on vacation and the new neighbor is a woman who was convicted of murdering her stepfather and serving 12 years in prison for the crime. Alvirah helps her prove her innocence so she can marry the man she loves and start a new life.

The third story has three criminals kidnapping Willy to hold him for ransom and Alvirah races to find him because she knows they’ll kill him.

The fourth story is about another lottery winner Nelly whose husband Tom hid the winning ticket until after the divorce and his new wife Roxie claims the ticket. Alvirah talks her into recording a confession about the ticket but she shoots Tom.

The fifth story takes Alvirah and Willy to a spa in California where the second wife Nadine of skinflint Baron had her jewelry stolen and her son let the insurance lapse to pay his gambling debts. The first wife Elyse is there and both talk to Baron before he’s found murdered on the golf course.

The final story is about their friends Joan and Greg having a baby girl. They pass a woman in the lobby, who has kidnapped the baby. Alvirah and Willy’s sisters, who are nuns, help to locate the baby.

I’ve listed the plots to show how complex and intense the short stories can be. Novels must be double or triple that of a short story to make them interesting. That means a detailed plot, several subplots, and lots of interesting characters who make things happen.

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