Quinn Ward's Blog, page 4

Letting Them See Me

Tonight, I’ll be heading to a corporate outing where everyone else is director level or higher. In the past, I would’ve pulled down the mask I’ve worn my entire adult life, found something appropriately feminine, and been crawling out of my skin all night. In fact, that’s exactly what I was planning to do, right down to laughing off my best friend (one of the directors) commented that she’d do my makeup in the backseat of our regional manager’s car on the way there.

I came up with so many rea...

I Used to Hate Labels

A friend of mine shared an article yesterday about why cisgender isn’t a negative term. Unsurprisingly, there were some people who jumped in with the “why do we need labels” retort. And I get it. Believe me, I get it. Hell, the former me would’ve been the one posting that comment.

For a hell of a long time, I was so anti-label it got me into internet arguments. I’m sure I was called a troll more than once because of my vehement insistence that we would all be better off if we were just people...

Butt In Chair – Easier Said Than Done

“To write, you have to get your butt in the chair.”

You’ll find variations of this advice floating all around the internet and in countless writing craft books. Unfortunately, it’s often easier said than done. And once you add in things like anxiety, life, kids, social media, another dose of life, etc, it can seem impossible.

Okay, so maybe it was impossible for me, but the point is, I get it. I know all too well what it’s like to know you need to write when the need is crippling.

I’m not goi...

Exploration: Chapter One Sneak Peek

“Wake up, old man.” I jumped at the sound of Eli’s voice directly behind me. Before my heart rate had slowed to a healthier cadence, I felt like shit for zoning out when my friend needed me to be vigilant.

“Sorry, Eli,” I apologized, shifting off my stool to grasp the balcony railing. “I swear, you have a knack for catching me with my pants down.” A flush creeped up my neck as I realized what I’d said. Shit. Maybe Marisa was right and I needed to start interacting with people more often. Hidi...

Easing My Mind

After what turned out to be an amazing weekend, I have to wonder how many of my insecurities are in my head. I’ve been worried about what hubby would think as I open up to him more about what I’m feeling in regards to my gender identity, but maybe it’ll be okay.

Yes, he said some things early on in my journey that made me question whether or not he’d be able to overcome such a huge change to both of our lives. He’s always tried to be supportive, but he is what most would call a man’s man. Sup...

The Roller Coaster of Courage

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that courage comes and goes. It’s not a constant. Just because I had the ability to speak my truth to a near stranger earlier this week doesn’t mean I can shout it from the rooftops. 

A wonderful friend encouraged me to say something on my more widely known persona about what I’m going through. Her logic was sound, and ironically the same reasons I don’t feel comfortable being out to the world yet. She’s worried that, by keeping a lid on my true ident...

Globs of Flesh

How’s that for a random title? Welcome to the world of someone who’s trying to figure out their life in the middle of the night rather than sleeping.

I’m a tactile person. I crave physical contact. Unfortunately, I married a boob man. There’s nothing wrong with this, and for years, I loved that he appreciated something about my body. But now… I can’t imagine anything more uncomfortable than trying to cuddle up to him in the middle of the night and having his hand gravitate directly to my che...

Breaking Down Boxes

When I was a young girl, I got a thrill every time someone mistakenly called me my father’s son. It never occurred to me that this wasn’t the normal reaction. But I didn’t question it. I hated “girly things” but accepted it was because I was overweight and nothing fit and that I was a tomboy.

It wasn’t until three decades later that I began to understand why that was… it’d never dawned on me that I wasn’t stuck in the life dictated by my chromosomes. That there’s more to me than the genitalia...