Zachary Craig Hanson's Blog, page 7
November 27, 2023
Put Love at the Top
Day 36: Love is an odd thing. It is a word that holds profound meaning for us as humans – the Bible, the Quran, and even the Stoics all wrote about love and how it is at the core of everything we do. Yet, somewhere along the line of my own evolution, the ability to say ‘I love you,’ became difficult.
Why was it hard for me to express this emotion? I grew up in a loving family, but culturally we did not always say ‘I love you,’ it was just understood and shown. In school and sports, especially wrestling, there was a machismo that always surrounded my friendship with other guys and never did we openly express love to each other for our camaraderie. Then there was the growth of romantic relationships where saying the words ‘I love you,’ always carried with it the potential for rejection and non-reciprocation, further fueling my avoidance.
Unknowingly, I had built up a callous to saying ‘I love you.’
It wasn’t until my 30’s that I began to see men and women I looked up to using those words more liberally that my mindset began to shift. In particular, I remember meeting someone I admired at the World Hunting Expo (yes, you read that right and he fit the bill of the gruff cowboy you would expect) who, after a brief but meaningful conversation, put his hand on my shoulder, looked me in the eyes, and told me he loved me – and he meant it. Shocked, I asked him why he said that and his response was short, stoic, and changed my worldview, “I have love to give and I am the sole arbiter of who I share that love with, and after our conversation, I have love for you… so, I told you.”
“So, I told you.” It was that simple and it was undeniably infectious. In that moment, I realized that I too had love to give, but had shown it through action and never words. I always left a question mark instead of being direct because I was scared of rejection and feeling un-masculine. So, what did I do? I started telling people.
Friends I had known for years, my family, new acquaintances, and even homeless people… no one was safe from the new freedom I had for expressing my love and gratitude… it was freeing. So, if you are reading this devotional on learning to turn more feral, know that part of the root of transformation is love, and I love you!
Daily Prompt: What words or phrases of affirmation have you made taboo in your own life? Is it saying ‘I love you,’ or something else? Why have you shut off those emotions? What could you gain by saying them out loud?:
Motivational Passage:
“Whoever then understands what is good, can also know how to love; but he who cannot distinguish good from bad, and things which are neither good nor bad from both, can he possess the power of loving? To love, then, is only in the power of the wise.”
-Epictetus
Rewilding Action: Let’s talk about chest harnesses… Whether you plan to hunt or not, having a nice ‘chest rig’ to carry stuff on hikes is an absolute must. Most hunting apparel companies have Binocular-specific setups that have accessory pouches attached. These are usually meant to hold rangefinders, ammo, bow releases, etc., but can easily be converted to use as a holder of phones, snacks, and medical equipment. Some even have additional attachments to hold pistols or bear spray for hiking in bear country out west (or Detroit). The best I have seen for a general chest rig is from FHF gear and the best I have seen for a bino-pack is from Marsupial Gear. I also own rigs from Sitka, badlands, and KIUI, but have damaged each of those to a point of un-usability, so take that for what it’s worth.
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November 26, 2023
Don't Get Frozen In Time...
Day 35: When I was a kid I always wondered what it would be like to be an adult. To choose my own path, wake up when I wanted to, and to be ‘wise.’ But as I began to age, I realized that being an adult has a huge spectrum of choices to be made that dictate whether or not someone reaches the level of ‘sage’ that we, as kids, believe all adults to posses. In fact, it’s been quite disappointing to realize that many of the adults I blindly trusted as a child never actually grew up themselves.
You see, I have a theory on emotional maturity. It’s that if people have a traumatic or even a mundane life-altering event they are presented with a choice. They can either stay at that emotional age for the rest of their lives, or they can make a conscious effort to continue to learn and grow. Let me give a few examples to illustrate this point.
Let’s take ‘Sally,’ she’s a bright twenty-three year old college graduate who is about to get married to a partner who can provide for her and her future families every need. She now has a choice, one is to take this new role and become complacent in her growth and stay at the emotional age of a 23 year old forever, or she can leverage these new resources to grow and continue on the maturity plane. Of course, the path Sally chooses has other factors which may affect it, which could be out of her control (e.g. supportive partner, dreams, ambition, capability, etc.), but the point remains.
Another example is Tom. He was the promising high school athlete who went to college on a full ride only to get injured his freshman year and lose his scholarship. Instead of pivoting after losing out on his life dream to be a professional athlete, Tom chose to stay at that emotional age forever. Now he’s forty-three years old, un-happily married, overweight, and continues to act and make decisions like a twenty-one year old college freshman.
Dramatic examples? Yes. But, the older I get and the more interactions I have with those senior to me has made it clear that maturity growth is not linear and doesn’t perfectly correlate with someone's age. In fact, I would argue that the majority of people you interact with on a daily basis are stuck at a maturity age younger than their actual time on earth.
The good news, though? Once you start to recognize this in others, you can start to reflect on your own maturity age. Seeing this mismatch over and over again has given me renewed purpose to always make sure that my own maturity age is the same or higher than my actual age - this is part of the ‘why’ behind my self sustainability journey and is the root behind the moniker ‘let me die learning.’
This ‘maturity theory’ led to the naming of this substack!Daily Prompt: Can you think of friends or family members who are stuck at a maturity age much younger than their real age? Can you think of an inverse example of someone who is mature beyond their years? Which of those examples would you like to replicate? Lastly, what do you believe your maturity age to be compared to your real age? If there is a gap, how can you begin to close it?:
Motivational Passage:
“I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you find the strength to start all over again.”
-Eric Roth (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
Rewilding Action: If you are interested in eventually butchering your own game animals, I highly recommend visiting a local butcher. No, not the butcher at your local grocery store, but a speciality shop that focuses on cattle and wild game animals. These shops only do meat and are often full of some of the nicest folks you could imagine. Swing by and pick up some steaks and ask them about the different cuts of meat. You will likely get an ear full about the different types of muscle structure and learn where the NY strip, tri-tip, or brisket actually get cut from. Heck, some of these shops even offer open-to-the-public courses where you can learn to process an animal with their guidance – which is the absolute best coursework before starting a hunting journey of your own!
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November 25, 2023
Ask for Help...
Day 34: Asking for help was a learned skill for me. It took years of failure and self pity to figure out that “self-made men” are just a myth. Everyone who has made it to some echelon of success has been helped out in one way or another by those around them… and I have learned that those who seek help openly often rise much quicker and higher than others.
But, even if you learn that skill and leverage it in daily life, it doesn’t mean that your loved ones or acquaintances have… In fact, I learned this lesson very recently. It turns out that a close friend and business partner of mine was secretly battling an addiction that came very near to taking his life.
By the grace of God and his strong family he was able to pull out of the pits of addiction, get the help he needed, and begin his life over… but, it is and will continue to be an uphill battle. I highly encourage everyone to listen to the podcast below where my friend describes in detail his struggles and how he reframed his mind to focus on loving himself and not being afraid to ask for help. It’s a truly inspirational and motivational talk – and if you know anyone who is afraid to ask for help, reach out to them.
PS: Make sure the tissues are handy, this is a heavy one.
Daily Prompt: What have you been afraid to ask for help on? Who can you reach out to as a trusted confidant to ask for that help?:
Motivational Passage:
The Christian life is not a constant high. I have my moments of deep discouragement. I have to go to God in prayer with tears in my eyes, and say, 'O God, forgive me,' or 'Help me.'
-Billy Graham
Rewilding Action: If you are a gun owner, I highly suggest looking into purchasing a suppressor. Not only are they great for your long term hearing, but they are also great for hunting with a bit more stealth. It’s becoming much more common in the US and frankly it just makes sense, and thankfully these ‘cans’ are no longer relegated to the James Bond’s of the world — any law-abiding citizen can get one. If you are curious where to start, I have an old article here that details the steps you need to take with the ATF to purchase your own.
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November 24, 2023
Never Leave a Morsel
Day 33: Yesterday, we shared a Thanksgiving meal with my wife’s family. Like any true American-based family unit, we gobbled down Turkey, potatoes, and macaroni & cheese before diving into a smorgasbord of deserts. But, what makes eating with my wife’s family different from mine is that her family are first generation immigrants from Russia.
Culturally, things are different. The attitude around the ‘why’ behind the reason to celebrate Thanksgiving is much more palpable. Conversations swirled around faith, family, and politics as you would expect from the caricature of Thanksgiving family meals but it always came back to thankfulness for the country we call home and the freedoms it provides, the USA.
This gratitude and pride culminated in talking about the patriarchal grandfather who is now 91 years old… He wasn’t with us in person this year, but the family talked about how if he were with us, there would not be a single crumb left on the table (of which we had lots of uneaten food). The stories told were how he would always take time to wipe any morsel left behind on a table and swoop it into his mouth before gently scolding whoever was around with the line, “you are lucky you do not know what it’s like to live through a famine.”
Having lived in Leningrad (now Saint Petersburg) myself during my early career, I am familiar with the history of starvation trauma that people went through in Russia during WWII and beyond. The interesting thing is that those sorts of food scarcity events have happened throughout history and continue to this day in varying parts of the world. Being around and breaking bread with people who have lived it and still remember the suffering like it was yesterday is an eye opening experience.
That little conversation around the holiday dinner table was a stark reminder for me on why my family and I are focused on self-sustainability. A reminder that governments fail and war, famine, and violence could show up at the door any day. Do I want that? Resoundingly, no! Is it likely? Probably not in my lifetime. However, I want to be as prepared to provide for my family in the event that it does, which is what drives me to continue learning as much as possible! So remember, don’t take anything for granted and when you can, never leave a morsel uneaten… you never know when you won’t have easy access to food.
Writing Prompt: Do you have any close family or friends who have lived through an event that led to a scarcity of food? If so, reach out and ask them about the event. Write your findings and thoughts here:
Motivational Passage:
The full man does not understand the wants of the hungry.
-Irish Proverb
Rewilding Action: Mike Glover, the founder of Fieldcraft Survival, has a great book on practical preparation. You can find it here. The book is a great primer for being your own ‘rescuer’ in the event of all forms of societal collapse. If you want to have a better idea of what that collapse could actually look like, pick up my friend Clay Martin’s book ‘Prairie Fire.’
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November 23, 2023
Find Your Support
Day 32: There is a reason that fighters have people in their corner when they step into the ring. It’s because it takes a fleet of people to get the warrior to the battlefield in a healthy state and it takes a small number of close confidants and supporters to guide the fighter through the battle – win or lose.
Learning a new sustainability skill or turning feral is no different. You cannot do it alone. You need people in your corner guiding you and cheering you on. So, as a combatant in life, you need to find and nurture a strong relationship with the people that you want in your corner when the fight comes. It takes investment, training, and a desire to be coached.
Or, maybe you aren’t the fighter right now? That’s OK, too. Finding opportunities to mentor and guide others on their journey is of equal importance. The ratio of support to fighters is likely 10:1, anyhoo, so don’t be afraid to reach out and offer that supportive voice or advice to the person you see struggling in an area you have knowledge in. Share freely and grow through giving.
You can hear my support in the video above… the quiet supportive coach in my life through all things, including long range precision shooting, my wife!
Daily Prompt: Where do you need support? Who in your circle do you want in your corner and what is keeping you from reaching out to them? Are there people you know who could use your support in their fight today?:
Motivational Passage:
Be strong, be fearless, be beautiful. And believe that anything is possible when you have the right people there to support you.
-Misty Copeland
Rewilding Action: Meat grinding. This is an essential piece of the equation in processing your own meat and one that intimidates a lot of people. My suggestion is to purchase a meat grinder and start practicing with store bought products. You can grind chicken breast, beef, pork, etc. and begin to play with your fat content and ratios. This is often cheaper than buying pre-ground meats in many instances and will pay off when you do finally harvest your own wild game.
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November 21, 2023
No One Is Coming To Save You
Day 31: What is your biggest fear? That’s a question I was asked by someone during my ‘old life’ of working a 9-5 job, living in airports, and chasing the old American dream in a big city. I can’t even remember my actual answer to this person, which was probably something shallow around not being able to workout or likely some word vomit about losing my job, but what I do remember was where my mind actually went in that moment…
In the split second that question was asked, I played out a scenario where there were no groceries on the shelf at the store, no water running through the taps of our big fancy house, and no gasoline available at the pumps. With basic amenities gone, I continued the fantasy of what the days and weeks following would look like… and you know what? I saw my family die.
And that, truly, was my biggest fear – that I was not equipped to protect my family in the event that the whole support structure we rely on failed. Heck, at the time the only way I could have possibly provided food would be to hope I hit a deer with my car… and even then I would have had no idea how to process it. Maybe I could have thrown the whole carcass on a fire and hope to pull off edible bits? But, that would have not lasted for long.
That question (..and my real answer which stayed locked away in my head securely guarded by my middle-aged ego) were the catalyst for why I decided to turn more feral. I realized that my suburban life offered so many creature comforts, but if a crack in the ship were big enough the whole vessel was going down and it was going to take me and my family with it. That is why I took action. I wanted to start building a life boat because I knew that in a worse case scenario, no one was coming to save us – it was up to me and I was ill-equipped for the job.
No one is coming to save you… Prepare accordingly.Daily Prompt: Take a moment to close your eyes and strip away your ego and natural defensive mechanisms… Now, what is your biggest fear? What can you do to mitigate that fear?:
Motivational Passage:
“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
2 Timothy 1:7
Rewilding Action: Today’s action is all about trades. Whether it’s carpentry, welding, plumbing, electrical work… It's time to go to the ol’ Google machine and see what sort of classes are offered in your area. Oftentimes community colleges or churches will have night or weekend sessions to learn the basics around some of these trades… And, going with the spirit of ‘no one is coming to save you,’ it’s necessary to build some skills. Personally, I am attending a welding course this spring so I can be a bit more handy with some necessary metal work around our cabin and to help out our local fire district. Sign up for something, learn, and grow confidence in your ability to get by with your own two hands.
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November 20, 2023
Measure Twice, Cut Once
Day 30: They say complacency kills… but in my case, it did the opposite. For the past few years as I have learned to trap beaver on my water line, I have grown accustomed to having success with a certain variety of sets and this year was going to be no different. Once November hit I packed up all of my things, grabbed my gung-ho daughter, and headed out the door.
When we got to the area that I had scouted all summer, everything was perfect. The right signs were there and I went to make the same sets I had in previous years. It all went exactly as planned except for one little thing. On one of my dam-break sets I did not drive my anchor in as deep as I usually would… why you may ask? Well, my daughter was sitting right beside me and if I had driven the anchor to its usual depth, I would have splashed her with a significant amount of cold river water… Feeling empathetic to her comfort I thought to myself, what is one inch going to really do? I figured it was secure enough, wrapped up the set placement, and my dry daughter and I moved on.
Hello complacency my old friend!
Fast forward to the next day. I arrive on scene and immediately notice disturbances, which elevated my heart rate. However, it didn’t take long for that excitement to wane when I realized my trap had been sprung… but there was no beaver in it. Worse yet, upon further investigation, the beaver who I ‘caught’ had managed to wrap the trap around that exposed one inch piece of rebar stake and escape by twisting his own foot off. Heart ache.
Not only had my complacency in making the set resulted in a non-catch, but it also led to the creation of a trap-wise 3-legged beaver swimming around. Feeling horrible, I pulled my sets and took a week off to re-evaluate my motives. I wanted to make sure that the same complacency which resulted in this mishap wouldn’t be replicated at my other locations when I started back up again.
This was a strong and consequential reminder about the negative power of complacency. What happened in this trapping scenario can happen in regular life, too. Not paying attention to little details and zombie-ing through work, marriage, or the relationship with your kids can shock you when you show up one day only to realize that you missed something small that you shouldn’t have and are now left to deal with unexpected carnage.
Stay vigilant and treat every day and situation with the attention it deserves.
Small mistakes can lead to big consequences. Attention to detail wins the day.Daily Prompt: Where are you being complacent? If you don’t address that now, what could the consequences be?:
Motivational Passage:
Success breeds complacency. Complacency breeds failure. Only the paranoid survive.
-Andy Grove (Intel)
Rewilding Action: Knives. There are so many great companies out there today that make solid knives for hunting, skinning, cooking, etc. I have tried them all from Outdoor Edge, Havalon, Benchmade, all the way to Montana Knife Co. Truth be told, they are all great these days and it really depends on your budget and your ability to learn how to sharpen. If you don’t want to get into sharpening, I would definitely push folks to get replaceable blade sets from Havalon. They keep their edge long enough to do good work and once they are dull you can just toss them.
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November 19, 2023
Don't Fear the Assassin
Day 29: Routines are rote and boring – the same thing every day at nearly the same time makes Zach a dull boy… or, so I used to think. For the longest time my mind was set that adhering to a strict routine was at its best ‘boring,’ and at worst would lead me to be patterned and killed by an imaginary assassin. Well, thankfully I got over my fear of routines and I can attest that my life is not boring and I am still writing this blog on a daily routine, which means the assassins haven’t caught up to me (yet).
Tongue and cheek anecdotes aside, routines are amazing. They allow for a quiet comfort of normalcy and centering each and every day. Since moving out west, my daily routine is centered around writing and reading. Each morning I wake up, turn on my coffee pot, and sit down to read for a short period while I stretch on the floor. Depending on the length of the devotional or chapter I read, I finish it up quickly and open my laptop to start writing (which you are reading now!). The interesting thing about this routine is that I am not militant about it. If I miss a day, I miss a day. Sickness, kids, and travel sometimes get in the way. However, it has become so ingrained in my personal makeup that when I do miss a day, I feel off and get showered with a mental ick that I can’t shake until I get the train back on the rails.
I’ve also found that I have a hierarchy of routines in which I prioritize… Writing and fitness are at the top and have the least room for outside impingement. My diet, cleaning, home projects, finance, etc. all have a looser collar around their necks and tend to be more amebic-looking in their regularity – these are driven more by discipline than well-defined routine.
If you have carried a fear of routines you are not alone – but, you are certainly missing out on the benefits. Routines become a known expectation in our chaotic world and can open up new avenues of creativity. Why? It’s because with routine our brain has clear expectations of what’s to come and has the comfort to relax in that. So, if you want to start a routine, use your discipline to force that daily pattern until it becomes second nature and something that you miss when the pattern is broken.
Daily Prompt: What routines do you follow every day? Do those routines bring you a sense of peace, comfort, and accomplishment? If you don’t have routines, how can you start? What could you do daily to enhance your lifestyle and attain your goals?:
Motivational Passage:
“We are what we repeatedly do.”
-Aristotle
Rewilding Action: What happens to your house when the power goes out? Do you have a backup plan? For many folks I know in urban areas the answer is ‘no,’ which is a scary thought. My challenge to you is to look into backup power generation. At our cabin we have a 7000w running generator that can power the whole house for a few days in the event of our co-op power going failing. We had a transfer switch installed last year, which allows us to switch over seamlessly over to our generator if and when that happens. Outside of gas/propane backups, solar and chargeable lithium batteries (think Tesla Power Wall) are also options. Take some time to see what options are out there for your home today and what an investment in that security may look like (fair warning – none of the options are cheap).
New platform for our backup generator by the transfer switch. Roof and sound insulation walls coming soon…Thanks for reading Let Me Die Learning! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.
November 18, 2023
Eviction Notice
Day 28: I used to let a lot of things live rent free in my head. Negative things people would say about me or my work, failures that I wouldn’t let go of, and things and positions I wish I had the money or intellect to achieve. But giving conscious thought to those brain traps began to add up. I found myself hyper-analyzing my past and over-indexing on my future… oft ignoring the most important time, the present.
So a few years ago I served eviction papers to all of those pesky, semi-permanent, thoughts. Emily V.V. telling me in high school I had a jack-o-lantern smile? Gone! The time I didn’t land my dream job after making it through the final interviews? Outa here! Fallout post-divorce? Sayonara! The desire to make enough money to support my extended family? You are on your own now, folks!
Great! That sounds easy you might say… But what I realized since kicking those drag weights out of my brain is that squatters do what squatters do… they come back. To make this a long term fix you have to put up a fence after you kick them out and you have to stand guard like a sentry because it’s not a matter of if they come back, but when. However, with the right guard up (and recognizing which new thoughts smell like a squatter) it’s much easier to keep them from breaching the walls and laying claim to your valuable cognitive space. Being offensive here and stopping them at the gate is much easier than battling the mental courts over ‘squatters rights’ in the future.
We only have so much cognitive load to spread around, so be mindful of where yours is being depleted and focus as much energy as you can on the present. Lastly, don’t be afraid to hand out eviction notices — you are the landlord of your brain.
Working traps in nature helps me to stay in the present and keeps old thoughts from reclaiming their old squatters rights!Daily Prompt: Who or what in your mind needs to be evicted? Are there thoughts from your past or future that no longer have any rights to your brain space? If so, write them down here and take away there squatters rights:
Motivational Quote:
“We never keep to the present. We recall the past; we anticipate the future as if we found it too slow in coming and were trying to hurry it up, or we recall the past as if to stay its too rapid flight. We are so unwise that we wander about in times that do not belong to us, and do not think of the only one that does; so vain that we dream of times that are not and blindly flee the only one that is. The fact is that the present usually hurts. We thrust it out of sight because it distresses us, and if we find it enjoyable, we are sorry to see it slip away. We try to give it the support of the future, and think how we are going to arrange things over which we have no control for a time we can never be sure of reaching.
Let each of us examine his thoughts; he will find them wholly concerned with the past or the future. We almost never think of the present, and if we do think of it, it is only to see what light it throws on our plans for the future. The present is never our end. The past and the present are our means, the future alone our end. Thus we never actually live, but hope to live, and since we are always planning how to be happy, it is inevitable that we should never be so.”
― Blaise Pascal, Pensées
Rewilding Action: One of the tools that I used when hunting, trapping, or backpacking is OnX maps. It has a great offline function and has so many tools, features, and options that it is a no-brainer for those spending time outdoors. It will show you where public and private land start/stop and allow you to mark up any area or thing you find in the woods (think animal sightings, tree stands, etc.). If you are a data dork like myself you will love it.
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November 16, 2023
Look up before you die...
Day 27 - I had a great conversation last night with a friend all about the philosophical underpinnings of hunting and conservation. We went around the horn on a bunch of different topics, but the one that stuck with me was the idea and pursuit of feeling small. It was punctuated for me when I woke up at 3:30 am this morning to head into Boise to pick my parents up from the airport and caught myself pulling over and staring into the abyss of space above me. It was a clear, dark, night on backroads miles from the molestation of human-created light… and it engulfed me. It felt like I was looking out into a pool and if it weren’t for the crick in my neck I would have started to wobble at the onset of vertigo.
That moment in nature, one that as an outdoorsman in the Mountain West I get to experience with frequency, recalibrated my perspective. It helped bring into focus all of the things that bring me worry day-to-day… unemployment, being a good dad, being a strong leader, etc… and it utterly eviscerated my anxiety. That view gave me a feeling as if I could jump off the earth and just start swimming around in infinity and disappear forever.
I felt small.
That feeling of being just a small portion of this greater organism is a superpower we often lose sight of in our day-to-day lives. The good news is that all you have to do is open your eyes to what’s around you to feel that enormity. My preference is to feel small in nature, but you can also gain this feeling through observing man-made features, too. In a big town? Look up at those sky scrapers and realize your size in comparison. When you do that, the weight and gravity of your problems will feel small, and as Metallica says in their song ‘For Whom the Bell Tolls:’
"Take a look to the sky just before you die... it's the last time you will..."
Clear night in elk campDaily Prompt: When was the last time you felt small? Are you ignoring the great vastness that surrounds you everyday? Take some time to recognize those things and write what you feel, here:
Motivational Passage:
“When you do something noble and beautiful and nobody noticed, do not be sad. For the sun every morning is a beautiful spectacle and yet most of the audience still sleeps.”
–John Lennon
Rewilding Action: GPS devices are a lifesaver, literally. Ever since moving off grid, my wife and I always carry a Garmin device and it has saved our bacon more than once! Purchasing one is no small investment and the monthly subscription is nothing short of robbery… but, until more players come into the market, it’s really one of the only options available. If you plan to be in the backcountry, or anywhere with spotty cell service, it’s a necessity.
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