Selena Robins's Blog, page 6
March 25, 2022
Grief Recovery through Hypnotherapy
I hope this blog post helps someone out there challenged with the overwhelming struggles of grief. Anxiety, panic attacks, numbness, and the intensity of sadness enveloping you where you cannot climb out of the darkness with the overall hopelessness that takes over, making you think you’ll never find joy again.
I’ve been there. I’ve experienced all of the above after my husband died. The waves smashed into me so hard that I felt I might drown in grief and never be able to put one foot in front of the other to move ahead.
Gratefully, I did move ahead, and I did get out of bed, and I’m still working at it and facing all the challenges that come from losing one’s love.
The first year after my husband died was a blur, as my brain was constantly in a stage of fog. I purposely kept myself busy to the point of exhaustion so I wouldn’t have to feel the unbearable heartache and pain.
By the second year, reality hit me. Hard. I knew I couldn’t keep up the manic busy phase as a distraction. I also knew that once I slowed down I would self-sabotage by thinking; “I can’t do this.” “How am I going to do this?” “How can I handle all this?”
I recognized that this type of self-talk would hinder my healing process, and worsen my anxiety and grief-induced depression.
I knew that I had to somehow employ the same self-talk that I had after my husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. From the moment we were delivered the devastating news, we decided that we would not only do everything we could to keep him strong, healthy, and alive, but we would shut out all the negative thinking that comes with cancer topics.
It was a struggle witnessing my once viral, strong husband get weaker and weaker. For his sake, I had to keep hoping and keep pushing the negativity out of my mind so that it would not penetrate him. Ever.
In the winter during his illness, when I had to handle things on my own (because winter makes things so much more challenging), I kept saying to myself repeatedly; “I can do this. I can handle all of it. I’m not the one enduring the pain, chemo, and all that cancer entails. If he can do it with a smile and no complaints, I can do everything else.”
This self-talk was my salvation. It truly helped. It got me through handling everything and being an efficient and strong caregiver.
All through his cancer treatments, and right up until the end, I had hope. Hope he would be cured. Hope that we’d continue our beautiful marriage and love story for many years to come. Some may think I was in denial. Maybe I was, but it got me through the hardest challenge of my life. My husband was given three months to live after diagnosis. He lived 14 months. Hope didn’t let us down. Hope gave us time. That’s how I chose to think about it.
That hope I had hung onto for so long during his illness had vanished after he died. I had given up hope.
I recognized that I had to change things, and then I thought, I need to learn how to employ the same strategy that I had during his illness to my grief.
I went to grief counseling. It helped me because it gave me a safe place to vent and talk about my grief without judgment or platitudes. However, I knew I needed more to yank me out of this dark place and get back on track.
My doctor suggested hypnotherapy. I was skeptical. The word hypnosis didn’t sit well with me. I need to be in control.
She explained that Hypnotherapy will help me get my mind into a state of deep relaxation, aiding in teaching my brain to focus on the positive love and life we shared, rather than on the sadness and heartbreak of my grief.
That convinced me that hypnotherapy may be something that will get back to positive self-talk, so I made the appointment with a verified, highly recommended hypnotherapist.
After my initial consultation, my initial skepticism was laid to rest as she assured me that she wasn’t going to hypnotize me to do anything I didn’t want to do (it isn’t a Vegas act, after all) and that I would always be in complete control through each session.
I learned how to reprogram how I think and handle anxiety, panic attacks, and the intense emotional waves through hypnosis.
She helped me embed images of my husband back to a time when he was viral, healthy, laughing (he always smiled), and how he handled his life and death with dignity, grace and love.
I learned how to hang on to the euphoria I always felt in his arms, the years of a strong marriage through the ups and downs, and the joy at remembering his smiles, winks, and teasing, especially on the days I slip into sadness.
Our subconscious is loaded with so much pain when grieving, and she taught me how to clear it so that I can accept more empowering thoughts.
The therapist taught me how to plant memory anchors. These anchors help bring the good memories I’ve been blessed with to the forefront of my mind for when I get anxious or sad. I breathe through each memory until the anxiety diminishes.
I’m not going to lie. It’s not easy. It takes a lot of work, and you have to devote time each day to this process. But, still, I can tell you that by doing this daily, I was eventually able to plant the feel-good-emotions and memories into my subconscious, and it has helped me get through each day, each wave, and when I slip into a dark place, I can yank myself out a lot quicker.
Having said all this, the other day, as I was showering and I had the music on, I was singing and feeling better than I have been in a long time. Then I stopped and cried, as a feeling of guilt swept into me, as I thought, “I can’t be this joyful, it’s wrong, I miss him, I need to be sad again.”
I’ve struggled this past week since the release of my new published book. It’s bittersweet, as I know how much he’d be celebrating with me. I worried about slipping again, so I pulled out my anchors, took time to shed tears (because, let’s face it, nothing will stop those), and then shook it off, lived in the moment, and celebrated with him in spirit, by flipping through photographs and talking about him with my family. It helped.
During one of my sessions, the therapist asked me this:
“Selena, what do want to let go of?”
I said, “I want to let go of feeling guilty for feeling joy and for taking a break from grieving.”
She then asked me to turn it around, “If your husband was the one left behind, what would you tell him? What would you want him to do?”
I said, “I would tell him that there’s still a lot of life to live. He has a lot of love to give to himself. I would tell him to live his best life because he would not lay on his death bed wishing he’d been sad every day, wishing he was grieving me every second. I would tell him not to replace joy and happiness with guilt. I would tell him that he deserves to live his best life and be happy.”
She said, “Take in everything you just said because it was so powerful, and turn it around and say it to yourself. Let that be your mantra.”
So, I did, and while doing this, I touched the back of my neck, a spot where my husband used to kiss me from behind and planted this anchor. So in the future, when I touch the back of my neck when I’m sinking or feeling overwhelmed, I repeat this mantra:
“There’s still a lot of life I have to live, lots of love to give to myself. I will live my best life because I will not lay on my death bed wishing I’d been sad every day or wishing I was grieving more. I will work hard at accepting joy and not feel guilty. I deserve to live my best life in my beloved’s honor.”
I take time out for myself daily to find moments of peace and work at taking a break from grieving. At first, these moments were short, and it was a challenge to accept peace, but as time went on, the moments became longer.
I remember how I drew strength from somewhere (probably from my husband and his fantastic attitude from the moment of his diagnosis) through his treatments and his time in Hospice until the very end, how he channeled positivity and made the most of every single day, not wasting time feeling sorry for himself. He gifted me with that strength and hope.
I think about how we made the most of our time together. Even during chemo treatments, I would pack games, snacks, bring pictures, and paraphernalia to help make the hours of chemo more bearable and fun—yes, as odd as it sounds, we had fun during those times.
I hang on to the memory of his last kiss in Hospice. In the last week of his life, he could not speak, but we communicated by him squeezing my hand when I asked him questions.
A few hours before he died, he bobbed his head up and down. I didn’t know what he wanted. I jokingly asked, “Do you want to make out?”
He squeezed my hand once to indicate yes, then he forced his head up, and I kissed him. It was the sweetest moment that I treasure daily.
His room in Hospice was bright and always filled with laughter and jokes. I hang on to those memories, which helps drown out the memory of holding him in my arms until his last breath. That one still pains me.
It will be four years in July, and I still cry. I still have anxious moments, and of course, I know that I can pull out my anchors and happy memories and keep retraining my brain into positive thinking, but the heartache and missing him will never go away, but taking an active role in my healing, makes life without him more bearable.
I also accepted it’s okay to keep laughing, accepting joyous moments, and embracing happiness whenever I can, even if I smile and laugh through some tears.
I’m a work in progress, and I know I’ll never be 100% of who I once was, but I also know I can do this. I can get through each day. I can face my challenges head-on and figure them out.
Self-talk is important. Realizing how we can sabotage ourselves is the first step, and only WE have the power to change all that.
I had 12 sessions with the hypnotherapist, and it was 12 sessions that have helped me so much, and that’s why I’m sharing them with you, that even if you don’t go to hypnotherapy, you can still apply some of the things I’ve learned to your day and night when you are struggling.
Try not to self-sabotage yourself. Instead, work hard at retraining your thinking and self-talk.
Keep saying to yourself:
“I can do this. I can get through today. I can be happy. I can smile. I can fix…this…or I can handle that.” Daily. Keep saying this as often as you can every single day.
One step at a time.
One thought at a time.
March 10, 2022
Kismet is here! #romcom #romancenovel
Finishing this novel has been internally challenging, creating while navigating a new life without my number one support, cheerleader, and love of my life, however it has also been fulfilling, and I can feel my husband’s pride in spirit that I am continuing with my passion for writing.
Writing is a solitary undertaking, but it also takes a village of love and support, plus a stash of chocolate-covered almonds and Earl Gray tea to see a book come full circle.
This book would not have been possible if not for the beautiful and giving members of my family, friends, colleagues, & fun ladies in the Selena’s Beta Babes group.
My immense gratitude to them all and to all book lovers, bloggers and reviews.
I’m fortunate to have you all my life.
Sassy, reflective and uplifting, ONCE UPON A KISS is a sensually sweet—with dashes of cayenne heat, romantic comedy with an added touch of mysticism.
Jason O’Neil has one job—and it isn’t falling in love with a local…
Known as the Master of Acquisitions and armed with savvy and charisma, acquiring Sabrina Monroe’s land for a golf resort is an easy purchase.
His strategy is sound until the tenacious and unyielding landowner literally throws a wrench into his plans when a mix-up leads him to assume the identity of a handyman.
He’s determined to succeed where other land developers have failed, trading in his designer briefcase for a tool case and concocting clever ways to hide his utter lack of handyman skills.
Being attracted to her is a setback, getting involved is a complication, falling in love was never part of the plan.
Sabrina Monroe doesn’t ask for much…
A steady income, a reliable car, uninterrupted naps, logical explanations for the mystical happenings in her life, and a force field around her land that repels people who threaten her sanity—especially the entitled suits who want to convert her family’s property into an overpriced golf resort.
A man she could trust would be a bonus.
Caught somewhere between fate and Murphy’s law, Sabrina finds herself falling for the handyman, who appeared on her doorstep out of thin air. Stranger things have happened. She should know.
Jason and Sabrina both want the same thing—her land…and each other.
Can their desires transcend the forces that work against them?
Especially when the truth is revealed …
Available On:
December 5, 2021
Un-fry Your Chicken
Do you love fried chicken but don’t fancy deep frying it?
Or if you’re like me, have never mastered perfect fried chicken without it somehow burning on the outside and having raw chicken on the inside, resulting in dialing your favourite pizza place so you don’t salmonella poison your guests.
UNFRIED CHICKEN is not only easy, but this method produces tasty, crunchy chicken that is sure to be a crowd pleaser.
UNFRIED CHICKEN
Ingredients:
6 drumsticks, skin removed (you can choose to keep skin on)
3 whole chicken breasts, skin removed (you can choose to keep skin on)
4 cups ice water
1 cup plain Greek Yogurt
1 cup bread crumbs (for extra crunch, I use Panko)
1 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup freshly chopped parsley
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
2 tsp. paprika
a sprinkle cayenne pepper (a dash or more, depending on how spicy you like it)
1/2 tsp. ground black pepper
1/2 tsp. sea salt
Directions:
PLEASE NOTE: Real Cold Chicken and Greek Yogurt is the secret to this successful dish.
Preheat oven to 400 FKeep the Greek yogurt in the fridge until you’re ready to use itPrepare a baking sheet by spraying with non-stick sprayFill a large bowl with ice water, then add your chicken to this bowl and set aside.Mix breadcrumbs and spices in a bowl, add the chopped parsley and mix well.Once the oven is heated, you’re ready to assemble your chicken.Remove yogurt from fridge.Remove chicken from ice water and shake off excess water.Roll each piece of chicken in the yogurt.Roll coated chicken in the dry mixture, until coated on all sides.Arrange chicken on baking sheet, and spray all the chicken VERY lightly with olive oilBake for one hour.Turn chicken pieces after 1/2 hour.Chicken is done when internal temperature reaches 165F
November 26, 2021
An Erotic Prank
Besides writing, I also offer critiquing and editing services, and I received an email from a new writer, asking if I’d be willing to critique and edit her novella.
To protect this author’s identity, I’ll refer to the author as Felicia Gallant. Anyone who used to tune into Another World will recognize that name–she was my favorite character. Wouldn’t we all love to write in silk PJ’s, a feather boa, and Mr. Rock Hard Abs holding a flower, and a lampshade?
Okay, back to the aspiring author Felicia who contacted me. In her request for editing services, Felicia attached her project—an erotic novella.
I emailed Felicia back to let her know that I don’t write erotic fiction nor have I read much of it, and asked if she still wanted to go ahead and hire me?
She wrote back, saying that wasn’t a problem as she still wanted me to give her suggestions on how to strengthen her story, and to point out any technical issues.
I accepted, because I could still critique any genre based on a story’s goal, motivation, conflict, characterization, plot, and mechanics.
In her communication with me, Felicia always addressed me as Mistress Robins, and her emails read like someone who spoke in broken English.
Felicia then emailed to let me know she wanted to send me payment via snail mail. In cash.
I highly recommended she not send cash through the mail, and directed her to Pay-Pal.
She said she didn’t trust sending funds through the Internet.
I then suggested she send a check.
She said she didn’t have a check account, and could only pay me in cash.
Although I found this odd, I reiterated that sending cash through the mail wasn’t safe, but she insisted, so I gave her my P.O. Box number.
As I started to read her novella, I realized the content was beyond what I had expected.
This was a hard-core erotica tale, more suited for male readers than females, in my opinion.
I have a close friend (for the sake of my friend’s anonymity, I’ll call her Natasha) who reads a lot of erotica stories written by male authors for men.
I emailed Felicia and asked for her permission to allow me to forward her novella to a close friend of mine to get a second opinion.
I waited a week for a response from Felicia, but she never responded. I took her silence to mean it wasn’t okay for me to get a second opinion, so I didn’t share her work, and kept on with my editing and critiquing.
I finished the edit and sent it back to Felicia with my suggestions. I explained it was a challenge for me to fully grasp the plot, and the characters behavior in the story. I also highly recommended she get a second opinion on my suggestions, and sent her a few links that I thought could help her with publishing her novella, and encouraged her to keep writing, and wished her well with her publishing journey.
A week later, I received a package in the mail at home. It was Janet Evanovich (one of my favourite authors) CD collection wrapped as a gift with a card attached that said, “Thank you for the wonderful critique and encouragement. Here’s a gift to express my gratitude.” Signed Natasha (my friend).
I was confused. Why was my friend thanking me?
I hadn’t critiqued anything for Natasha in a long time.
So I called Natasha to tell her I received her gift and to ask her why she was thanking me in the first place.
Natasha couldn’t stop laughing and then imitated a broken English accent: “Thank you, Mistress Robins.“
After a few seconds, it all clicked together.
The erotic author, Felicia, was really my friend Natasha in disguise.
My friend explained it was the reason she purposely wrote in broken English, and why she couldn’t use Pay-Pal or send a check because then I’d know it was her.
She wanted me to critique this novella, without me knowing it came from her, and because the novella was a lot more hard-core than she knew I read, she shied away from giving me a heads up about the project.
The phrase laughing my ass off is not an exaggeration in this case.
Natasha said she cracked up when she read the email to Felicia about asking a “good friend for a second opinion,” because she knew if she would have said yes, I’d be calling her to discuss the project, and she knew she couldn’t keep a straight face or stop herself from laughing.
I still laugh when I think about that day.
I’ve had a lot of pranks pulled on me by friends and family, it’s not hard, as I tend to be gullible (sometimes), but I must say, this was epic.
COMING SOON:
Speaking of people in disguise, stay tuned for the release date of my next full length, stand alone romantic comedy with a sprinkle of white magic and lots of sweet heat—ONCE UPON A KISS.
The hero in ONCE UPON A KISS takes the concept of disguise to a whole new level.
November 11, 2021
Stuff it . . . #recipe
Baking cookies, cakes and bread infuse your home with mouth watering scents, turning your kitchen into a five-star bakery, add to that the essence of roasted vegetables and your kitchen will accelerate all
your senses into high gear.
Here’s a recipe that will do just that.
Stuffed Bell Peppers
Ingredients:
1/2 lb. lean ground beef
1/2 lb. Italian sausage (sweet or spicy, your choice)
1/4 cup of dry red or white wine (the good stuff that you would drink, not the cooking wine)
1 stalk celery, diced
4 sweet peppers (red, orange or yellow)
3/4 cup COOKED white rice (I cook the rice in chicken broth, to give it that much more flavor)
1 TBSP freshly grated Parmesan cheese
1 TBSP freshly grated Romano cheese
1 tomato, diced
handful of fresh basil, chopped
10 Kalamata olives, pitted and sliced
1/3 cup mozzarella, shredded or sliced thinly
1/2 cup tomato sauce (click here for my marinara sauce recipe)
salt and red chili flakes to taste
Directions:
Heat oven to 350FCook rice and set aside.
Wash and dry the peppers, slice in half, and remove the seeds and set aside.
Chop the tops you removed from the peppers into small pieces
Heat up a skillet, add the wine, sausage and ground beef, chopped celery and cook for about 5 minutes.
Then add the chopped pieces of peppers and stir, lower heat to medium and cook until meat is brown and done.
Once the meat is done, remove from heat and add: Parmesan, Romano cheeses, tomato, olives, basil and rice, and stir well until it’s all mixed.
Taste the mixture, so you can season with salt and red chili flakes.
Line a baking dish with parchment, or spray with a non-stick spray
Fill each half of the peppers with equal amounts of the meat/rice mixture.
Arrange peppers in baking dish.
Top each pepper with tomato sauce and mozzarella cheese.
Cover dish and bake for 45 minutes.
Remove cover and bake an additional 5 – 10 minutes, until mozzarella on top is melted
October 2, 2021
Tangerine Air Fryer Chicken
I’ve resisted jumping on the air fryer cooking wagon because I thought; I have a convection oven, it does the same thing, and I’m a purist when it comes to kitchen appliances and not into the latest kitchen gadget trends.
I am here to say that when it comes to an air fryer, I was wrong.
I’ve been pandemic-retail-therapy shopping this past year and I purchased an air fryer. I’ve been experimenting with it and it has not disappointed me, especially with chicken dishes.
I am sharing my tangerine chicken thigh air fryer recipe for a delicious, crispy on the outside and juicy and tender on the inside chicken dish.
As with all my recipes, you can substitute ingredients, as most of my recipes are flexible that way, especially since I wing (or in this instance, thigh) most of my recipes.
1 lb. chicken thighs (with or without skin, your choice)
2 TBSP corn starch
juice of 4 freshly squeezed tangerines
zest of 2 tangerines
2 TBSP honey
2 TBSP apple cider vinegar
2 TBSP soy sauce, I always use low sodium soy sauce
1 head roasted garlic – or – 3 tbsp. minced garlic
2 tsp. red chili pepper flakes (more or less, depending on how spicy you like it)
3 to 4 sprigs fresh rosemary
Add the chicken in a single layer to the air fryer basket.You may have to cook in batches so as you don’t overcrowd.Spritz olive oil (lightly) over the chicken (or you can use cooking spray).Air fry for 8 to 10 minutes, depending on the size and amount of chicken.
After 8 minutes, flip the thighs over and add the fresh rosemary sprigs over the chicken.Continue cooking for 8 to 10 minutes until the chicken reaches an internal temperature of 74 Celsius (or 165 Fahrenheit).While chicken is frying with air prepare your sauce.Squeeze the roasted garlic out and mash with a fork.Add: garlic, tangerine juice, zest, honey, vinegar, pepper flakes to a pan (or pot) and cook on high heat, stirring constantly.Spoon in the soy sauce and keep stirring, and bring sauce to a boil.
Turn heat to low and simmer sauce for five minutes.Once chicken is fully cooked, coat the crispy chicken with the orange sauce, use as much or as little sauce; your preference.Serve immediately.
September 25, 2021
Mardi Gras in a Crockpot
With autumn upon us, it’s time to break out the crockpot for soups, stews and chilis, and these past 18 months we’ve all become accustomed to dining at home more often.
One way to enhance dinners at home is by having theme nights.
Put on some jazzy tunes, pick up colorful beads (Dollar Store is great for picking up stuff like this) and transport your family and friends to New Orleans with this hearty, delicious, easy to make Chicken Sausage Gumbo.
INGREDIENTS
4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
2 cups sweet (or spicy) sausages, sliced about one inch thick
10 whole plum tomatoes, diced – OR – 1 can diced tomatoes
6 cups chicken broth
2 cups water
1.5 cups raw or frozen okra, sliced
1 cup sweet onion, chopped
1 head of roasted garlic – OR – 2 raw garlic cloves, minced
1/2 cup sweet pepper, chopped
1.5 cups white (or brown) rice, uncooked
1/2 tsp. red pepper flakes (more if you like it spicy)
2 tsp. black pepper
2 tsp. celery seed
3 TBSP sweet paprika
1 TBSP dried thyme
3 tsp. fresh parsley, chopped
salt to taste
STEPS:
season chicken breasts with salt and pepper, and brown them on both sidesremove from heat and cut into bite sized pieces
brown the sausage on all sidesslice and set aside
stir and serve with ricegarnish with chopped parsley
September 7, 2021
Sexy. Sassy. Sunday Sauce
What is Sunday Sauce?
Sunday sauce is a longstanding tradition in Italian homes. It’s the day we make a fresh batch of marinara sauce.
Every family has their own authentic version of this sauce handed down from generation to generation. I’m sharing my version in this blog post.
Since it’s harvest season, I am using fresh tomatoes for this recipe, see Options listed below for canned tomatoes.
INGREDIENTS:
fresh tomatoes (about 30 – 40)1 head roasted garlic1 carrot, peeled (leave whole) – this helps cut acidity1 small can tomato paste (you could also use passata if you prefer)extra virgin olive oil – use a good quality as it will enhance the tomato flavouringsea salt1 cup fresh basil, washed, choppedPreparing the Tomatoes
Bring a large pot to boil, and while that’s boiling prepare a large bowl (or pot) with ice and cold water.
Wash tomatoes under running water, then core the stems off the tomatoes, and score each tomato at the bottom of each tomato with a shallow X.
Working in batches, depending how big your pot is, drop tomatoes into the boiling water.
Cook until the skin starts to wrinkle and split (usually takes 1 to 2 minutes).
With a slotted spoon, remove each tomato, and place immediately into the cold bath. This will make them easy to peel.
Peel each tomato, set aside, and continue boiling the rest of your tomatoes.
Once done, you can use a either a Vitamix (my preference), blender, food processor, food mill, or coarsely chop the tomatoes and use a masher or your hands. It will depend on your preference to what type of consistency you like—I personally, prefer smooth.
Making the sauce:
Coat a heavy bottom pot with olive oil and heat on medium.
Once the oil is heated add the tomato paste, and stir constantly for about 3 – 5 minutes.
Turn heat up to high, and add the crushed tomatoes, and roasted garlic, and keep stirring. Stir rapidly so the bottom doesn’t stick, for about 5 minutes minute.
Then turn heat down to LOW.
Add the peeled carrot and salt.
Simmer, semi-covered for one hour, stirring often to ensure it isn’t sticking at the bottom.
Remove the lid and simmer for 3 to 3.5 hours. The secret to a good tomato sauce is letting it cook slow on low heat. You can adjust cooking time if you want a thicker sauce, but generally speaking 3 to 3.5 hours renders a good sauce.
Taste and adjust your salt, and you can even add a bit more olive oil. Tasting it during the cooking process will help you adjust the flavour so you get the best out of your tomatoes, and it helps with adjusting the salt ratio.
After an hour of cooking, make sure to taste, and season with salt–if needed.
Remove the carrot half way through cooking. I enjoy eating the cooked carrot, it’s quite tasty so you don’t need to throw it out.
Once you are satisfied with the consistency of your sauce, drizzle olive oil (about 2 to 4 TBSP – to taste) stir, and remove from heat
Let the sauce sit out until it reaches room temperature.
Once it is as room temperature, add the fresh chopped basil, and stir.
This sauce pairs extremely well with laughter, family and friends, pasta, meatballs, chicken dishes, bread, the possibilities are endless for dishes that welcome the delicious sweetness of tomatoes, the nutty flavour of roasted garlic, aromatic olive oil, and delicate sweet-savory basil.
OPTIONAL:
You can use canned tomatoes (I recommend San Marzano Tomatoes – 3 x 28 oz cans).Instead of boiling, you can roast them before peeling. Drizzle with olive oil, salt & roast.For an added creamy tang, add a rind of parmesan cheese during the cooking process.If you want a spicier sauce, add red pepper chili flakes to taste.You can also add about ¼ to ½ cup of dry wine—the kind you drink NOT cooking wineThis sauce freezes well.
If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to leave a comment with your query.
August 15, 2021
For the love of harvesting
This summer I discovered that I actually do have a green thumb as I enjoyed tending to the basil seeds I had planted, and was proud of how they flourished and grew in abundance.
My garden basil.Besides using it to can tomatoes and make marinara sauce and add to salads, I made a few batches of basil pesto.
The process is simple, and trust me, you’ll never want to go back to buying store-bought pesto after you make your own, so I’m going to share my basil pesto recipe.
This pesto tastes fresh, tangy, nutty, savory, garlicky with a luxurious texture that can be enjoyed in many ways.
Let’s get started.
INGREDIENTS (makes one batch):
3 to 3.5 cups fresh basil (stems, leaves and if there are flowers on it, you can use those as well)
1/2 cup pine nuts
4 cloves of garlic, roasted (if you are using raw garlic then 2.5 – 3 cloves)
1/2 cup Extra Virgin Olive oil
1 tsp. freshly squeezed lemon juice
1 TBSP freshly grated Asiago cheese
1 TBSP freshly grated Parmesan cheese
1TBSP freshly grated Romano cheese
Sea salt (to taste)
DIRECTIONS:
You can use a food processor, blender or even a mortar and pestle.Add basil, pine nuts, garlic, lemon juice in food processor (or blender) and pulse a few times.Turn on food processor and stream in the olive oil until it’s all well mixed.Add the this mixture into a large bowl.Then add all the freshly grated cheeses and mix well.Add salt to taste and mix well.
This will keep up to 4 days in the fridge in a tightly sealed container, or up to 6 to 8 months in the freezer.
Pictured below is how much 12 cups of fresh basil made.
Uses for Basil Pesto:
Pasta (after you cook the pasta, drain and then add room temperature pesto to it and mix)Spread on pizzaDelicious as a spread on sandwiches (especially tomato sandwiches)Top it on crostini (this is my favorite, and I add some black kalamata olives and sundried tomatoes)Marinara sauce (after your sauce is cooked, add a dollop of pesto)Makes a great topping for tomato soup (add after soup is cooked, and before eating)If you have any questions, please feel free to ask in the comments section.
July 10, 2021
MY NEW LIFE: Three Years Later
Since July 10, 2018, grief has become my constant companion.
It’s hard to believe that it’s been three years since my husband died.
Some days it feels like yesterday that I was plunged into navigating a new life daily without my lover, my confidante, my best friend, a great bonus dad, a cherished Baba (grandfather) and so much more.
Some days it feels like years since I last saw his handsome face that is forever tattooed in my memory. Thank God for memories.
I’m still a work in progress, but in the past three years I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’ve learned how to take some of the pieces of my shattered life and glue them back together to form a new life. The hardest part of all that is doing it without my husband—the one person who could’ve helped me through this heartache.
I’ve learned how to accept widow brain, which is a real thing, a breathing, living thing. It gives you grief-induced anemia when you can’t figure out how to spell a simple word or the name of a store you frequent often. Thank God for Google.
I’ve learned how to pull out all my self-sufficient skills—thank God for YouTube instructional videos.
I’ve become even more independent, and in doing so have learned that my own company is quite enjoyable—thank God for my passion for reading, writing, decorating, and painting.
I’ve also learned that hard days can feel like they will never end and that though time moves forward for others, for me it feels stagnant or stuck, especially on specific days or months. June and July are two of the most challenging months for me to navigate. June was the month we lived in hospice, and July is the month he died.
This year I wanted to commemorate the anniversary of his death in a way that would help me, and my family get through the day, and at the same time honour my husband’s legacy of strength, love, and resilience.
I decided one way to do this was to create a memorial rock garden, utilizing my creativity in the hopes that it would help me plow through the flashbacks.
I spent all of June collecting, prepping, and painting the stones. Both of grandsons also lovingly painted a few stones for this love-filled project.
This memorial rock garden project was both hard and easy to complete.
It was hard because it was another punch to the gut that he was in fact forever gone.
But, on the other hand, it was easy—even though I was up to my elbows in paint and there were quite a few do-overs. And it was easy because I relived a lot of our life together as portrayed through some of those memories through my rock painting.
Each brush stroke soothed my injured soul.
Memories of our long into the night conversations about how we would solve all the world’s problems. How we would at times talk about nonsensical stuff—the kind that only two lovers understand but others would find perplexing, and long talks about our future, our hopes, and dreams.
Memories of the laughter, the quiet times, and even the challenging times, and how through it all, we rode life’s roller coaster together, holding hands, and always attempting to stay positive and find humor in every situation.
The memory of one Good Friday when we were going for a long walk, and we saw a frantic older gentleman who asked us if we knew of a grocery store that was open as he forgot to buy fish for dinner. The man and his wife were distraught that they’d have no fish for Good Friday. Grocery stores were all closed.
David told the man to wait with me, and when he returned, he was holding a big cloth bag, which looked oddly familiar to me. He handed the man the bag that contained a selection of frozen fish and told him to enjoy dinner with his wife. When the man tried to pay us for it, David declined. I asked him where did he find an open store? He told me he went home and emptied out all the fish we had in our freezer.
The memory of David’s incredible sweet tooth popped up. He was working in our basement with my brother when my brother came running up the stairs, laughing and telling me what David had done. David had found some of my homemade cookies in the freezer—in a container labeled eggplant because they were for an upcoming event. He had long ago figured out my hide the homemade goodies strategy. He had taken two of the cookies out, placed them on a paper towel on the dryer, started the dryer, and proceeded to warm them up a bit so he could eat them.
The memory of David playing mini-stick hockey for hours with our eldest grandson from the time our grandson started crawling. Those two had an incredible bond, and their conversations were so heartwarming.
One day, as we were driving with our grandson, who loved to talk about anything and everything, and David told him, “You got your jibber-jabber from Nana.”
Our grandson responded, “And I got my laughing from you, Baba, because when we’re together, we laugh a lot.”
It is these memories and many more that sustains me.
The memory of watching the Euro cup soccer games as I cheered for my mother country (Italy) and he cheered for his (England). We placed a friendly and sexy wager on the outcome. We were both winners either way.
The memory of David’s love for animals. He would save a spider’s life by capturing it and throwing it outside, and while he was in Virginia for training sessions for his work, the deer were so friendly they would walk up to him without fear. He also loved turtles and collected them in wood, ceramics, glass. It was their laid-back attitude. Like David, turtles have a laid-back attitude, and they love water.
The memory of moving into our new home thirty years ago, David collected an acorn from our cottage, and we planted it into our garden. David loved to grow things from seed, and he especially loved trees. Oak and maple were his favourites. The tree has grown over the last thirty and is as strong as our love. I created a small rock garden under this oak tree, and I hope his spirit can see it and feel the love that went into it.
Memories of a spiritually strong and compassionate man who always had witty comebacks and a clever sense of humor. David was generous and possessed a kind soul who always walked the walk of treating others the way he would like to be treated.
Now that I have faced another year without my love, I will keep on working through each day, reinventing my routines, my life, my person while still cherishing who I was when my husband was here on earth.
Grieving is challenging work, and there is no expiration date, and every year it will continue to be difficult to circumvent the flashbacks of those days in hospice, and the night I held him in my arms for the last time.
People often say that it’s time to move on, only there is no such thing as moving on because the memories I hold so tightly inside my heart and soul are gifts and not things to be moved. My husband is still my forever love. There is no moving on from that.
There is instead stepping forward, to work on new dreams, new goals, new things, and learning daily on co-existing with grief, joy, and everything in between while giving myself space.
Even knowing the intense pain that grief has brought me through losing him, I would still fall in love with him and marry him, even knowing the intense pain that I lay ahead and that remains with me.
Grief is personal and different for everyone. For me, it’s about moving forward, maintaining our unbreakable love that is connected through all the memories made while creating new memories one moment at a time.
When I stumble and feel overwhelmed, I will give myself the same grace I would give a loved one who stumbles.
Forever in our hearts. A man who was is cherished by all who knew him. A loving, wonderful soul, who embodied the full meaning of life, love, friendship, integrity, and kindness.
My darling, I loved you on earth for your whole life, I’ll miss you for the rest of my life.
