Ira Heinichen's Blog, page 230

Day 2,198: Eventually

I have all my best ideas eventually.

That’s the phrase that just came to my mind as I was wrapping up my writing session for the night time. I finished collecting notes and rewrite thoughts for my editor so I’m ready to go when we meet tomorrow morning. I’m not a writer who has his best ideas in the first draft. It takes me a while. I have to build up to them. But they always come eventually, and I know that they the best ideas because I can feel it in my gut.

At least the best I’m capable of

Day 2,197: Mad as hell

Doing a quick one tonight. Casted with Josh tonight. We watched a movie from the 70s called Network and it was…bonkersssss. And in a surprising, good way that kind of swept me away. Mostly. It didn’t quite fire on all cylinders, but holy shit is it a relevant movie for the times we live in. A *scathing* indictment of news as entertainment.

Anywho…long day. Need sleep. Catch you crazy kids tomorrow!

Day 2,196: It’s working

I touched the abyss this weekend. I realize that now…and it actually made me feel better. I know that’s weird to say, but this is how…

The abyss, it would seem for me, is working, working and working and not making progress. It’s being stuck. Not moving forward. Not being productive. It’s nothingness.

And touching that this past weekend helped me see that I’m not stuck. I am actually making progress. Finally. It is actually different this time, and for at least a couple concrete reasons, chiefly of which I w...

Day 2,195: Quitting is an option

I feel…much better today.

Still anxious. Still unsure. But the depression is better. Thank lord.

I realized something, though, yesterday in the depths of that depression: quitting is an option. I don’t have to do anything. I get to decide. And man…that somehow made me feel a lot better.

What if I’m just not ready to write this particular story? And what if that’s actually okay? What if I’m not a failure if I decide to set this story aside and write other stories?

I…hadn’t considered that with quite as much perspective as I did...

Day 2,194:

I sometimes wonder if I would be happier if I gave up writing. It’s just so hard.

I’m up against the same block with this story. It’s one central relationship, and I can’t wrap my brain around it, and it makes everything so unpleasant. It sucks the air out of the balloon. And, when I feel like this, I just wonder…is writing worth it?

I recognize that this is anxiety. Maybe depression, too. The combination of those two really feed off of questions like “will I ever” and “what if I never?” It’s not rea...

Day 2,193: The Perfect Week

My first ever perfect week of writing.

I wish I felt more exuberant about it, but I’m bogged down on a scene currently and thus I’m grumpy about my writing.

Sigh…

Feeling burned out. Looking forward to a weekend of recharging.

Night!

Day 2,192: Hope over hopelessness

I think I may have nailed the central conflict between hero and villain in my book series.

Finally.

The villain has been so obscured to me thus far. I realized that I needed to wrap my brain around who he is, what he wants, what he represents and why. Particularly why.

I think I figured out some shit today. Something that really drove deep for me, personally.

Today was a good day. FINALLY! I’m figuring stuff out. And…I think for the first time ever ever evereverever…I wrote every single day for an entire month. And I’m no...

Day 2,191: Cracking Up

Liz is cracking up in bed next to me right now. She’s texting with someone. She hasn’t told me yet what she’s laughing about. If it’s repeatable, I’ll tell you what it is.

She’s texting with Chris. That’s what I know right now. She’s still giggling. It’s making the bed shake. I saw a picture of a dog covered in an orca costume. No idea if that’s the same thread as what’s making her laugh, though.

We’ll return once more information has come to light.

I am exhausted tonight.

I had a better day today. Particularly afte...

Day 2,190: Six Years

holy shit…it’s been six years.

This anniversary post snuck up on my this year. I can’t remember if it did last year, too, but it did this year.

Today was a day like most others. I got in my writing. I’m stressing about it right now because it’s good…but it’s not quite right. The WRITING is good…I definitely feel dropped in. But I’m worried it’s not quiiiiite paying off the way I want it to. Which is hard, because I haven’t really figured out yet what I’m paying off, so I’m not going for it hard yet.

I think...

Day 2,189: TIP

Liz is watching the hip hop Netflix show right now in bed, and it’s really interesting. I totally get why they made it. They’re even going on the road for auditions.

I had…an off day today. Just in the sense that I felt anxious for much of the day. But, I still wrote. I like what I wrote. Like it a lot actually, at least the prose. The prose really felt like it was flowing. I worry that I’m not moving things along at fast enough a pace…but that’s hard to tell whilst writing. And I can always decide to...