Ira Heinichen's Blog, page 226

Day 2,202: prep

Crazy day today. I did so much stuff.

Took care of pups in the AM. Drove a stool sample from Coco to the vet to be tested. Bought new shirts for Vegas (and work – I need them). Did laundry. Tested our computers for the conference. Fed pups and walked them for the night. Packed. Managed to eat food here and there too.

Crazy day. But I got (almost) everything done. Wanted to edit and post the Film School we have recorded, but I ran out of steam and time. Plus, I wanted to spend SOME time with Liz today,...

Day 2,201: Milestone coming

Oh, man… I just realized that there’s a milestone coming with the bloggity blog: day number 2,222…it’s been 1,111 days since I last had an entry that was four of the same number all in a row.

Definitely makes me want to go back and read that entry. It would have been…four years ago? Little less? Crazy. Just crazy. I bet I was trying to write my Indiana Jones/X-Files script and thinking that what I reaaalllyyy wanted to do was rewrite my novel I’d finished a few months earlier…

That’ll be a fun read.

Pups are...

Day 2,200: Old Chum

Life is a Cabaret, old chum.

Podcasted tonight. Josh had an epiphany tonight: he likes musicals

Day 2,199: Whew

I am wiiiiiiped out tonight. Usually with an extra day of podcasting in a week, I’m pretty tired the following work day. This week, it was the second day

Day 2,198: Eventually

I have all my best ideas eventually.

That’s the phrase that just came to my mind as I was wrapping up my writing session for the night time. I finished collecting notes and rewrite thoughts for my editor so I’m ready to go when we meet tomorrow morning. I’m not a writer who has his best ideas in the first draft. It takes me a while. I have to build up to them. But they always come eventually, and I know that they the best ideas because I can feel it in my gut.

At least the best I’m capable of

Day 2,197: Mad as hell

Doing a quick one tonight. Casted with Josh tonight. We watched a movie from the 70s called Network and it was…bonkersssss. And in a surprising, good way that kind of swept me away. Mostly. It didn’t quite fire on all cylinders, but holy shit is it a relevant movie for the times we live in. A *scathing* indictment of news as entertainment.

Anywho…long day. Need sleep. Catch you crazy kids tomorrow!

Day 2,196: It’s working

I touched the abyss this weekend. I realize that now…and it actually made me feel better. I know that’s weird to say, but this is how…

The abyss, it would seem for me, is working, working and working and not making progress. It’s being stuck. Not moving forward. Not being productive. It’s nothingness.

And touching that this past weekend helped me see that I’m not stuck. I am actually making progress. Finally. It is actually different this time, and for at least a couple concrete reasons, chiefly of which I w...

Day 2,195: Quitting is an option

I feel…much better today.

Still anxious. Still unsure. But the depression is better. Thank lord.

I realized something, though, yesterday in the depths of that depression: quitting is an option. I don’t have to do anything. I get to decide. And man…that somehow made me feel a lot better.

What if I’m just not ready to write this particular story? And what if that’s actually okay? What if I’m not a failure if I decide to set this story aside and write other stories?

I…hadn’t considered that with quite as much perspective as I did...

Day 2,194:

I sometimes wonder if I would be happier if I gave up writing. It’s just so hard.

I’m up against the same block with this story. It’s one central relationship, and I can’t wrap my brain around it, and it makes everything so unpleasant. It sucks the air out of the balloon. And, when I feel like this, I just wonder…is writing worth it?

I recognize that this is anxiety. Maybe depression, too. The combination of those two really feed off of questions like “will I ever” and “what if I never?” It’s not rea...

Day 2,193: The Perfect Week

My first ever perfect week of writing.

I wish I felt more exuberant about it, but I’m bogged down on a scene currently and thus I’m grumpy about my writing.

Sigh…

Feeling burned out. Looking forward to a weekend of recharging.

Night!