Kyle Belote's Blog, page 13

Story Progression—Writing Group Lesson

…And I’m back! Welcome to Outpost Dire, home to the shared Dire Universe of epic, grimdark fantasy, military sci-fi, thrillers, and more! Let’s dive right in.

There’s no single answer to story progression. This will be partially convoluted due to how many answers factor into the subject as a whole. There will be some bouncing back and forth to achieve this end. 

Progression of a story is based upon the momentum of achieving a goal or series of goals that resolve your conflict. You promise a conflict in the beginning, you must end the conflict. This can be done through external means of plot, internal confrontation or confliction of characters, or a change in the status quo of your environment. 

Pillars of Storytelling: Plot + Character + Setting (PCS) = Conflict/Change

Sub-pillars: Theme, want vs need.

Bottom line: Conflict, motion through goals, change.

Yes, And/No, But Method—Utilized for worldbuilding and plotting 

Story: MC needs to beat villain. If it’s a simple A to B, there’s no real story other than the conflict of the final confrontation. This is a simple, boring story. But if we need the MC to travel to another segment of the world, then the journey there presents conflict. 

Conflict 1: MC is robbed on the way by a band of women (Kings of the Wyld)—Great book! Highly encourage everyone to read. 

Does this robbery break the MC? 

Yes, and they return home to get more money. No, but it does set them back in financial means. 

MC continues on to the next town. MC suffers a knee injury along the way and can’t walk.

Does the injury make the MC give up?

Yes, and… No, but… 

Writing Group Answers: No, and they can seduce someone for pity | No, and they seduce a pilot | No, and build a splint, and hobble to the next town.  

MC meets a traveling wizard who is irritated with the MC for a sour deal in the past. The MC sold the plans to the Empire’s secret wizard tower to someone who outbid the wizard. 

Does the MC soothe things over with the wizard?

Writing Group Answers: Yes, but the wizard asks for a whole lot for the help | On the way to the main confrontation, the only bridge within 100 leagues has been washed away by flooding recently. 

Does the MC get across the river?

Writing Group Answers:  Yes, but the MC has to swim across the river while the wizard floats over.

At the final confrontation, the MC discovers the villain is the person who outbid the wizard so many years ago. 

Does this effect the need for a confrontation?

Writing Group Answers: MC has to fight wizard for the right to kill the villain | Yes, and the MC tells the wizard the truth | Alternative answers: enslave, castration, death, make the MC kill the villain and can’t/ dies in process, grows a conscience… 

The point of this exercise is bringing more conflict to the story. It’s no longer a dull affair of point A to B. Whether the MC successfully navigates all obstacles or not is almost “relatively pointless” to the main objective of adding conflict. Each success or failure brings more conflict to the story, hence progression.

Ask the Writing Group: Why do we lose readers? Boredom. Boredom can stem from many different areas, but they all come back to boredom. This is done through info dumps they don’t care about, too detailed in worldbuilding or backstory, technical jargon of a specific element (science), terrible prose, flat characters, etc. 

What brings about boredom to readers? 

Plot development isn’t moving fast enoughCharacter development isn’t strong enoughReader doesn’t understand what’s going on due to vagueness or vague prose on the author’s part. The author is hiding something.You, the author, has made the wrong promise of storytelling to the reader, or you weren’t clear enough early on, and the reader thinks you aren’t following through. 

Breaking Rule 3? Reader doesn’t understand what’s going on … but it isn’t due to vagueness or hiding something. It’s about dropping the reader immediately into the world. Lack of story immediacy.

The Dark Portal: I don’t really explain anything about the world in the book. It’s not relevant to the story. I wrote the book as if the reader should already know what that stuff is. It gives the tone of immediacy. The OT SW is also filmed this way. Nothing is explained about droids, lightspeed, lightsabers, etc. You’re expected to know. NO info dumps. 

Recall Reason 4: You, the author, has made the wrong promise of storytelling to the reader, or you weren’t clear enough early on, and the reader thinks you aren’t following through. 

Movie example that didn’t break the Boredom Rule #4: 

Cowboys and Aliens: You know almost immediately that there’s a sci-fi element to the movie when they blended the genres together. It doesn’t start as a western and then at the last instant, they throw in aliens. It’s there from almost the beginning with the weapon on his arm. It’s a promise. 

Recall Reason 4: (Broken Promises) You, the author, has made the wrong promise of storytelling to the reader, or you weren’t clear enough early on, and the reader thinks you aren’t following through. 

Movie Example that did break Boredom Rule #4: Why didn’t Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Crystal Skulls work? 

Invalid tone promises to audience: Indy survives nuclear blast in refrigerator.Indy’s son swings on vines with the monkeys.Both of these do not match previous tones from IJ movies—Fantastical/Whimsical vs serious.

Why were audiences disappointed from a story perspective? Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Crystal Skulls:

Aliens. Aka interdimensional beings. Most audiences felt it wasn’t authentic and too modern or mainstream.What did Indy face in previous movies?Something supernatural from the Bible—The Ark of the Covenant. Black MagicThe Holy Grail—supernatural from the BibleHow are the aliens too much of a stretch?

What Our Promise to the Reader Should be: Show the reader something awesome to whet their appetite long enough for us to develop the story.

Who does this well in books and movies? (ask the Writing Group).

Like him or hate him? J.J. Abrams—Mystery box storytelling. If you open a box, you must find the answer to close it again, or at the very least, another box pointing the way. The problem with JJ is that he never pulls the answer out of the box, never shows the audience, therefore the box is never closed in the audience’s mind, and therefore not fulfilling a promise.

We lose our readers by short selling the promise due to these two boredom rules mostly

Plot development isn’t moving fast enough—bored.Character development isn’t strong enough—Boring characters. 

How can we combat these two crucial boredom points? 

My first and third rules of writing: 

1: Set the tone, get to the point, and slow down—don’t rush the small stuff.

3: Establish one of the following settings early in the story: physical, cultural, magical, spiritual, or morality (societal mores).

Story Progression is stipulating the specifics through character and setting (C/S), making headway through journey which is our plot (P), and the reward or payment for sticking with the journey (resolved the conflict). 

Promises to your audience: Tone, genre, plot, character. 1: Set the tone, get to the point, and slow downTone: Witty, fantastical, space opera, comedy, fiction, hopeful, mystery, suspense, adult, YA, grimdark, romance, etc.3: Establish one of the following settings early in the story: physical, cultural, magical, spiritual, or morality (societal mores). Or in this case: tone.What books have great tone promises? THOLAC—Glyn and Hovath, Joe Abercrombie’s The Blade Itself—Logan Ninefingers, The Obsidian Trilogy—The Outstretched Shadow—The city of a thousand bells and Kellen.Genre:In Harry Potter, do we ever find out why he’s the Boy Who Lived? How/Why did Voldemort mark him?In OT Star Wars, do we learn why Luke lives with his uncle and aunt? Do we learn what Artoo is carrying? Why is it so important? Who is Darth Vader?The Bearer of Secrets: what’s so special about Julie? She’s nephiliam, descendant of druids and archangels.The Demon’s Fate: How/why did the crew lose their memories? The alien artifact is the cause, but the blame rests with the crew who inadvertently activated the device, triggering a memory wipe intended for the admiralty instead of them. Progress: Your #1 job as a storyteller is to give a sense of progress through signposts! Problems with progress: If your Character progression and story progression doesn’t align, people will treat the actual progression as a side plot, misdirect, or unimportant, and their focus will be on what your initial promise was, usually through the character. The best thing is when subplots augment the actual progress of a story even though they may feel like a sidebar initially. If you can tether them from the get-go, you’ll do well. The Bearer of Secrets: I have a Dark lord returning to start Wizard’s War II. Judas must stop him but doesn’t have an army or defenses. Enter the Krey storyline where they force march to Cape Gythmel, a small town directly in the path of Xilor, and the only entrance into their country. Then, the war starts there, and they’ve fortified the area and are waiting for him to attack. This is an example of subplot working in tangent with the main plot. When subplot doesn’t work: When elements of the story feel shoehorned in and don’t make sense or relevance to the actual progress of the story. Or the outcome of the side plot is detrimental to the overall goal of the story. If you choose failure of a side plot, then some progress must be made through character or environment. If you fail to deliver on all three … your side plot is meaningless.The Last Jedi: Canto Bight sequence. The whole subplot is a red herring. Nothing happens. What they set out for, what they intended is never accomplished, and in the end, they are worse off than before the sequence started. It is never resolved and doesn’t have a follow through.A subpoint to this: reason #4, Broken Promises: The Force Awakens set up many story elements and plotlines that were broken in TLJ: Why’s Luke on the island planet, what happened to Rey’s parents, what’s Snoke’s backstory, inconsistent tone and use of characters, unrealized potential in characters e.g. Finn and Captain Phasma. Payoff: Whatever you open with on your promises, you must close or twist them prior to the end of the novel, but you  MUST  answer them.

Different throttles speeds of progress.

Plot—When plot takes over, world building and character depth fall to the wayside. The pace is usually quicker because the reader can get a better grasp of the progression through actionable/measurable signposts.

Character introspection—The deeper into the character’s head you go, the slower the pace will feel unless there’s a moment of epiphany or change. In an introspective moment(s), there’s no action/reaction to what’s going on. These moments need to be signposted well in advance. 

Worldbuilding—When this is at the forefront, plot and character will drop to a crawl. It’s extremely hard to show plot or character progression through worldbuilding unless the character is reacting to it. E.g. Harry Potter going to Hogwarts or Diagon Alley. Setting is NOT the main point of storytelling. 

Worldbuilding is meant to enhance your story with realism but will never be the main staple. Worldbuilding makes your magical story more fantastical.Worldbuilding reveals something about the world and characters, which can enhance the plot, but it will never propel the plot unless it is a man vs. nature storyline.Worldbuilding is the backdrop for the Conflict/Change = Plot + Character + Setting (PCS).Worldbuilding will kill all momentum for your story and make the reader grow bored after too much information. There comes a point when it’s too much, and authors tend to info dump all of it to show you how cool it is or how much research they did. The lighter you go on worldbuilding, the deeper your characters need to be and the more tension that needs to be in your plot. How much worldbuilding is there about Hogwarts? Really think about this. Each book/movie, we learn more and more about the school, but it’s never dumped on us. 

Story Structure—This will change the pace of your story based upon which method you use. A four-corner opposition story will have a different pace/feel than a three-act structure. Choose wisely for your method of storytelling. 

Short Story:

MICE Quotient—No story is ever a single thread, and if so, they’re boring. All stories in one shape or another are comprised of the MICE Quotient, from short stories to novels and epic tomes.

Millieu—Location 

The story opens and closes at a place. Conflict: prevents character from reaching their goal. Anything that prevents the character from entering/exiting said place is based on Milieu. The Dark Portal opens in milieu. 

Inquiry—Question-based

Story begins with a question and ends when the answer is provided.Conflict: dead ends, misinformation, mystery Sherlock Holmes and murder novels tend to be this.

Character—Emotional/Internal

Begins with one type of emotion and usually ends in another, angst to happy.Shift when the character has a new emotional state., new understanding of selfHave change backfire, fill with self-loathing.Any coming-of-age story, romances

Event—Action-driven/External

Status quo is interrupted into a new status quoInternal vs external threat.Conflict: Don’t restore the status quo, eruptions, fight and chase scenes, etc

How do short stories—and all stories by extention—work?

            “I open at the close.”

The Dark Portal: 

Location: Darrovan arrives at the Dome Character—emotional: Scared, paranoid, anxious.Inquiry—Is the Dark Portal an alien/sentient? Or is it a military trick?Inquiry—Yes, the Dark Portal is an alien bent on eradicating the planet.Character—A switch occurs from terrified to survival and escape.Location: Darrovan attempts to escape the Dome.

The Wizard of Oz

C—Dorthy dissatisfied as a farm girl in KansasE—Tornado eventM—Welcome to OzI—What do the red slippers do?I—Glinda, the good witch, says “the ruby slippers will carry you home”M—Dorthy leaves OzE— Returns to Kansas/Wake up from dream/Status quo restoredC—I don’t need an adventure/ there’s no place like home.

I hope you enjoyed this lesson I prepared for my writing group. Again, these are my notes I prepared for the class, and a lot is lost in the transit between the writing and oral presentation.

That’s it for this round, short and sweet. I shall return…

If you enjoyed this content, check out my books, The Bearer of Secrets, The Demon’s Fate, The Dark Portal, and For Heathens of Heaven on Amazon. All works are available on Kindle Unlimited, eBook, and print. Reviews can be found on Goodreads and Amazon.

Writing Update | Here & There & Back Again

I have returned. It’s been a while since my last post, but to be fair, this really isn’t a blog, not with so few people reading it. Feels more like a tweet lost in the aether, or a book review gone unread in the countless sea of glowing recommendations on Goodreads. A lot happened in my absence. I moved and started something new, I was neck deep in a rewrite of Volume IV, I had to navigate closed doors and open new ones in my personal life, edited volume II, and I’ve been busy in my writing group. Now, all I have to do is file my taxes and launch Volume II.

Recapping Volume IV: I wrote this tome 5+ years ago. I hadn’t touched it since. 2021 seemed like a good time to wade into it. With a grand total of 402k words, I knew it needed a scalpel. I set a goal of whittling it down into 325k words, but missed the mark, ending with just under 331k. Still, a 70k word cut isn’t anything to laugh at. I got rid of the clunky prose, cleaned up storylines, changed a pivotal point in a character’s storyline, and reigned in the excessive details with tighter, more streamlined sentences. Now, it just needs a few more rewrites and edits…

In other news, THOLAC will now come back to the forefront, and I’ll finish the story off. I’m currently sitting at 101k words and hoped to have it wrapped up by 130k. Fingers crossed. I think I might submit it to a writing contest this year, then to an agent. We’ll see. 

That’s it for this round, short and sweet. I shall return…

If you enjoyed this content, check out my books, The Bearer of Secrets, The Demon’s Fate, The Dark Portal, and For Heathens of Heaven on Amazon. All works are available on Kindle Unlimited, eBook, and print. Reviews can be found on Goodreads and Amazon.

Volume IV: Editing Update

Let’s dive right in. Editing is a grueling process, and I have long procrastinated touching volume IV of my main fantasy series. Firstly, it’s enormous, capping out at 402,000 words. I remember writing it, and I got to a point where I said, “I’m tired of writing this.” So, I cut it a handful of chapters short, wrote the epilogues, and called it a day. That was almost five years ago.

Secondly, I knew it’d require a lot of work. While my story is sound, the writing prose is solid in its meandering path. Meaning? I overwrote a lot, and sometimes I got carried away with sentence length. So, I’m diligently cutting where I can, and often, I’m rewriting whole chapters from scratch. That said, I’ve made headway, though I’m burning out. I have a feeling it’ll be some time before I go back through with a fine-tooth comb.

Where we’re at: I’ve completed 33 of the 61 chapters and 4 of the 9 epilogues. My word count has dropped from 402k to 371k. I’d very much like to get that to the 325k range, but I don’t think I’ll make it. I haven’t stumbled over too many passages that were atrocious or repetitive that I had to use a broad eraser. Surprisingly, there is less sex to cut out, and I’ve rewritten many of those passages to be more morsel bits than slogs.

That said, I’ve changed a significant character’s arc in the rewrite, more to match changes in the preceding book alterations. Plus, I didn’t like where it ended up. There are a few things that took me by surprise that I’d forgotten about, so I can’t wait for you to reach those points.

Overall series recap: Volume II is going to the editor next month; III is ready for a subsequent year release minus the editing phase; IV to hopefully be released by 2023. Volume V is 75% written on the first draft, but it’s a shorter book than all the others; VI is sitting at 40% completion. Still to be determined if I write seven or nine volumes. Maybe we’ll call it even in the middle of those two? 

That’s it for this round, short and sweet. I shall return…

If you enjoyed this content, check out my books, The Bearer of Secrets, The Demon’s Fate, The Dark Portal, and For Heathens of Heaven on Amazon. All works are available on Kindle Unlimited, eBook, and print. Reviews can be found on Goodreads and Amazon.

The Dark Portal 2? Exploring a Sequel.

Let’s hit the ground running. I’ve had a number of people tell me, perhaps emphatically, that I should have a sequel to The Dark Portal. However, the story within the original novella is self-contained. Theoretically, I could explore another story in that setting, but I’m not inclined at this time. That said, I have been kicking ideas around to possibly serialize The Dark Portal with several stories, all disconnected from each other except through the miasma.

Currently, I’m tinkering with ideas for another story, this one set on earth shortly before the Civil War. The problem with novellas is that people expect the same amount of character development they get in a novel, and that’s just not the case. You can’t get everything in a condensed word count. Novellas are usually about one-third the length of a typical book and plot-driven. We shall see if this new project takes off. Right now, it’s in its infancy and may never come to light. Only time will tell.

That’s it for this round, short and sweet. I shall return…

If you enjoyed this content, check out my books, The Bearer of Secrets, The Demon’s Fate, The Dark Portal, and For Heathens of Heaven on Amazon. All works are available on Kindle Unlimited, eBook, and print. Reviews can be found on Goodreads and Amazon.

Lessons Learned The Hard Way—Moving On

“Times change, and so must I. We all change, when you think about it; we’re all different people all through our lives. And that’s okay, that’s good, as long as you keep moving, as long as you remember all the people that you used to be…” —Matt Smith, the Eleventh Doctor.

An opportunity has arisen for me over the last half month or so. I used to have someone I could talk to, to make these big decisions with, move forward, and plan my future, but it appears not to be the case any longer. I’m learning the hard way not to have heroes, to idolize people, or hold them in high esteem. Disappointment lies down that road, and each time it whittles away at the soul. There’s little left of me in that regard now. 

So, I’ve had to forge ahead without those people, someone special in particular. I’ll be relocating soon and be on a new path. I have a lot of bad moments in this place, some terrible lows, and I think the new scenery and pace will help. As the doctor said, you’ve got to keep moving forward, as long as you remember the person you used to be…  

That’s it for this round, short and sweet. I shall return…

If you enjoyed this content, check out my books, The Bearer of Secrets, The Demon’s Fate, The Dark Portal, and For Heathens of Heaven on Amazon. All works are available on Kindle Unlimited, eBook, and print. Reviews can be found on Goodreads and Amazon.

Latest From The Dire Universe—Writing Updates

Let’s get right to it. THOLAC, the fantasy western novel I’ve been working on, is now taking a back seat. I got burned out writing it. To be fair, I managed to grind out 100,000 words in less than 2 months. That said, I’m taking a short break. In terms of when THOLAC will be released, well, it’ll be a while yet. I plan to pursue an agent and go the traditional route with this book.

FTTC—aka the self-help writer’s book. I’m perusing covers now. Had a hitch up with the copyright. Still waiting to see if the dust will settle on that one.

What am I doing now? I am currently in the process of rewriting/editing Volume IV of the Dark Legacy Series. As it stands, I’ve gone through 27 of the 61 chapters and shaved off 22,000 words. Not shabby, but a little behind the curve. Some chapters that had significant rewrites actually ended up being better and longer. The current word count stands at 380,000.

That’s it for this round, short and sweet. I shall return…

If you enjoyed this content, check out my books, The Bearer of Secrets, The Demon’s Fate, The Dark Portal, and For Heathens of Heaven on Amazon. All works are available on Kindle Unlimited, eBook, and print. Reviews can be found on Goodreads and Amazon.

The Dire Universe Expands–Part: 2

In my last post, I spoke about the Dire Universe’s expansion in terms of creating a team going forward. Now, let’s talk about why that’s necessary. Each subsequent book in the story, except for volume V, has grown in characters, expressed POVs, locations, world-building, and plotlines. But other than more robust books, what does it mean? In short, it means more books.

At one point, long ago, I considered making this series about fifteen books long. I’ve since then changed my mind. If you take the industry average of books, 300 pages or 90,000 words, each of my novels thus far is easily double that. As of now, I’m eyeing eight or nine volumes to the Dark Legacy Series, depending on how the story plays out. If I wrote eight at the average of 200,000 words per book, it’s about sixteen novels’ worth of story. So, I guess, in the end, I will be writing that many.

But the rich world of Ermaeyth goes beyond the main series, and I’ve branched out with other characters and ideas to make a more encompassing saga. When the main series ends, there will be other characters and spin-offs to accompany them. As of now, I’m crafting ideas for a one-shot prequel novel, a sequel trilogy, a sequel series, and a few other notions percolating on the back burner. All in all, within Ermaeyth, I’m looking at fifteen books so far, and probably more.

However, this doesn’t account for the other books I’m writing that aren’t set in Ermaeyth. There’s The Demon’s Fate and subsequent sequels, The Dark Portal, and the THOLAC series, with many others also vying for their time to come to light. Whether they take shape in the form of novels or novellas remains to be determined. I’ve also considered a serialized short stories to bring more content to my readers. This said, my number one concern is always quality over quantity, so this, too, will shape the future of my shared universe.

That’s it for this round, short and sweet. I shall return…

If you enjoyed this content, check out my books, The Bearer of Secrets, The Demon’s Fate, The Dark Portal, and For Heathens of Heaven on Amazon. All works are available on Kindle Unlimited, eBook, and print. Reviews can be found on Goodreads and Amazon.

The Dire Universe Expands

The first book I ever published, volume I of the Dark Legacy Series, was released in August 2017. While my plans to publish volume II in 2020 hit a roadblock, it’s set for publication in the May-July timeframe of 2021. Almost four years later, the second entry hits the shelves. For me, that’s entirely too long. With that said, I bring news from the shared, Dire Universe.

Volume III has seen its last revision and self-editing phase. It’s ready to go to the editor, and the only thing left to work out is the funding. With this latest development, I have further news on two fronts. I’ve begun revisions on editing volume IV. This will be a massive undertaking, and the book stands at 402,389 words upon completion. My sole intent is to whittle the word count down to a more manageable size. This means cutting excessiveness, often in world-building, introspection of characters, and cutting excessive words in sentences. I hope to cut 75,000 words. I don’t know if this is possible, but it’s the goal.

Volume IV is the first book with narration on a more globular level. Newer characters travel far and wide, across the Golden Sea or further south to the city of Elysys. There’s a lot of world-building coming to these cultures, and I plan on leaving these relatively untouched when it comes to my ruthlessness with a scalpel.

This also brings me to my last bit of news about the Dire Universe. I’ve brought aboard two companions to help me mold the future of the fantasy series. These two minions, er–collaborators, will help keep the ship righted as I move forward to the latter end of the series. The books have grown exponentially in scope, and I need help to see that path. This will take time to get them up to speed in the world of Ermaeyth, but I’m sure they’re up to the task. More news to follow on the Dire Universe.

That’s it for this round, short and sweet. I shall return…

If you enjoyed this content, check out my books, The Bearer of Secrets, The Demon’s Fate, The Dark Portal, and For Heathens of Heaven on Amazon. All works are available on Kindle Unlimited, eBook, and print. Reviews can be found on Goodreads and Amazon.

Post-VaCay Updates: THOLAC, Vol II & III.

As a strong believer in setting goals and achieving dreams, I’ve decided to make a resolution for this glorious new year kicking off the next decade: that I won’t make a resolution to blog more. In fact, you can pretty much guarantee they’ll come at the same tempo as before.

Writing Update: I’ve just past 100,000 words in my latest project, THOLAC, and I’m tired of writing it. Before I left to go on vacation, I did write about 70k words in a three-week span, so … there’s that. I write fast once I get started, but it’s all about getting the engine primed. There is a writing contest that I’m going to enter this year in the summertime frame, so, I’ll be coming back to it. Also, I think I’ll be querying agents with THOLAC.

In the meantime, I’ll be switching gears to volume III of my fantasy series. I’ve done my rewrites and my personal self-editing. I’ve got about 8 chapters left to edit, then it’s ready for betas and editor, so, always hunting for those. Volume II is awaiting the editor, which will be in March. Can’t wait to finally share it with you all. It’s been too long in coming.

That’s it for this round, short and sweet. I shall return…

If you enjoyed this content, check out my books, The Bearer of Secrets, The Demon’s Fate, The Dark Portal, and For Heathens of Heaven on Amazon. All works are available on Kindle Unlimited, eBook, and print. Reviews can be found on Goodreads and Amazon.

2020: A Glance Back

2020 will go down in my books as one of the worst years of my life. The pandemic affected me in indirect ways, and the people around me crumbled. It affected relationships across the board and turned my life upside down. Most of the adversity I faced was secondhand, complications of how each person’s life played out, and I received the aftermath of those effects. Some made personal choices, some were stuck in their ways, and some were filled with misplaced hate. It’s been a heart-wrenching year, to say the least.

I don’t know where to go from here in my personal life. I don’t think I have much left at this point. No matter how long or short my life is at this point, it is still a life. The best that I can do is hope for a better one, work my way towards it, and lose myself in the tides of time and rabbit holes of creativity. I know my mind is my worst enemy, but in a time like this, it’s my only friend…