Fiona Murden's Blog, page 6
May 11, 2020
Launch of Dot to Dot Podcast
We’re starting with Women’s Empowerment setting the tone. There are many more topics and people to come including a leader in the Australian Airforce, a West End actress, the CEO of a leading brand, a fantastic musician with a fascinating background and many more stories that I can’t wait to share!
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May 5, 2020
Why Podcasts Are Good For the Soul
It came as a bit of a revelation to me that podcasts really are brilliant but I am clearly not alone. An article published by FastCompany back in 2018 said that there are over 525,000 active podcast shows and over 18.5 million episodes. Statistics also show that up to 33% of the population in countries such as Australia and the USA and up to 58% of the population in South Korea listen to podcasts.
My husband spends most of his spare time plugged into one podcast or another and has always waxed lyrical about them. It is perhaps my stubborn streak that has meant I cut my nose off to spite my face – it’s taken several years of him prodding for me to start discovering my own favourites. Now I find myself telling everyone I speak to about the latest conversation I’ve heard on one of many podcasts.
The question is why, with all our new-fangled developments do we find what is in essence returning us to the old gramophone days so very appealing? This is what I came up with:
They are good company – in a world where loneliness is on the rise, even for those who are not physically alone – podcasts can help us feel we have the company we may otherwise feel we are missing. Researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison explain how human speech involves tonal cues which convey emotional colour. Hearing speech of someone trusted (e.g. your favourite podcast host) reduces levels of cortisol (and therefore stress) and increases levels of oxytocin a hormone involved in the formation and maintenance of positive relationships. In short speech plays a role in adult health because it’s so central to the human experience and therefore podcasts can contribute to this.
They feed our curiosity – what we may often call eavesdropping is seen as a negative. However, in his book Eavesdropping: An Intimate History Professor John Locke explains how eavesdropping has given us an evolutionary advantage. Living in the complex social arrangements we do as humans where a lot of people are competing for things, our ancient ancestors and indeed even us today need to know what’s going on. For example, we may hear that there’s a shorter queue at one supermarket than another during the current lockdown – something that two people may be discussing without wanting the whole world to hear. It’s intriguing and feels a bit naughty overhearing other people, even when they’re speaking so loud that we can’t help but hear. We are somewhat wired to listen in and therefore enjoy it even when the whole purpose is to share the conversation through a podcast.
There’s no pressure – in normal interactions we tend to worry (a lot more than we realise) that we are being judged by the people we are with. This means we are always slightly on edge and constantly scanning other people’s social cues to try and decipher what they think of us. Again this was hugely important to our ancient ancestors who needed to make sure they belonged in order to survive. When we’re listening to other people who cannot see or hear us that pressure disappears. We don’t feel judged and we’re not worried about what we’re going to say next. We are being accepted by the people we are listening to simply by proxy of not being shut out of the conversation.
They’re easy – and as humans we love things that are easy. We don’t have to concentrate too hard, we don’t have to sit still staring at a screen (like when we we’re watching TV), we can walk about with headphones or play them in the car. We can listen while we’re doing other things like preparing dinner, commuting, doing housework or even exercising.
We learn – continued adult learning has been shown to positively impact confidence, self-esteem, self-efficacy, life-satisfaction, capacity to cope and general well-being. Learning also helps us to develop social skills and helps to promote our tolerance of other people. Podcasts enable learning and allow us experience different perspectives (and because we’re not thinking about what we’re going to say next we’re more likely to digest what we’re hearing). Far more varied thoughts and opinions than we are likely to get from our own social circle. An added bonus is that we don’t even have to look interested or pay attention – we can even fast forward or turn someone off – if only that were available for people we were in lockdown with!
Best of all PODCASTS ARE FREE!!
I’m very excited that I’m about to launch my very own podcast exploring the stories of all sorts of interesting people through the lens of psychology.
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In the first series of the Dot to Dot podcast ‘Behind the Person’ I will be interviewing innovators, leaders, experts and stars from diverse backgrounds. Listen in to learn about their journeys through life and how they’ve navigated the highs and lows to get where they are today.
Links and refs:
John L. Locke (2010) Eavesdropping: An intimate history. OUP Oxford
Seltzer, L. J., Prososki, A. R., Ziegler, T. E., & Pollak, S. D. (2012). Instant messages vs. speech: hormones and why we still need to hear each other. Evolution and Human Behavior, 33(1), 42-45.
Image courtesy of Mateusz at Pexels.com
March 30, 2020
Coping – Front Line Healthcare Providers
As an NHS front-line worker you have every reason to be fearful about what’s to come and how you will cope. It’s important to know that in itself is normal and to be expected. Avoiding any of these emotions either now or at a later date will only exacerbate any negative psychological outcomes. Below are some tips but before that I just wanted to outline a warning from a BMJ article published last week.
The article explained that one of the biggest difficulties you will face beyond the sheer volume of patients is the moral dilemmas you will begin to come up against. While as a healthcare provider you are used to treating the sickest people and giving them the greatest chance of recovery during the peak of the crisis you will inevitably face situations where you have to say we did all we could but it wasn’t enough. That is a very hard message to give and it’s critical that you work through the associated emotions.
The most important first port of call is your peers at work. They are going through the same experience at the same time and it’s really important that you support one another. Help make sense of the emotions, stress and moral dilemmas faced by reaching out, checking in ‘Are you OK?’ or ‘How are you feeling?’. Research also shows that a supportive team lead helps to protect the mental health of team members. While you can’t choose who leads your team you can help them to understand how they can help you and other team members.
Even if you feel like you’re coping, it’s important to realise that stress builds up without you noticing. A bit like a tap dripping into a sink with a plug in. Each drop may look tiny but eventually the sink will overflow. You need ways in which to take the plug out. Here are some ideas:
Journaling – when you have a break at work or when you get home. This may feel pointless or excessive but has been shown to really help reduce stress and deal with traumatic events. One study with healthcare professionals advises the following:
Keep a journal of your deepest thoughts and feelings. Include how you have tried to make sense of this situation and what you tell yourself to deal with it. If the situation does not yet make sense to you, or it is difficult to deal with, describe how you are trying to understand it, and deal with it and how your feelings about it change.
It’s the combination of recording what you feel as well as how you process that feeling which is the most beneficial from a psychological perspective.
Other things you can do at home or in a break at work:
Deep Breathing – long slow breaths for 5 minutes. In through your nose for a count of 5 and out for a count of 5 will help calm your nervous system.
Legs up the wall – yoga pose. Lie on your back with your legs at nearly a 90 degree angle up the wall using a cushion if you need to (and less of an angle depending on your flexibility). This relieves tension in your lower back, relieves tired leg muscles, gets blood flowing more easily to the heart and is said to calm anyone at any time but particularly following shock.
Gentle exercise – especially outside if at all possible. This will help you burn off adrenaline and noradrenaline and being in nature lowers levels of stress and boosts the immune system.
Speak to a friend – everyday. It could be the same friend or a different one. Try not to choose someone who always has problems and dramas rather one who is a good listener and calm.
Do something that totally engages your mind – this could feel like that last thing you want to do after a long and traumatic shift, but without unwinding you could struggle to sleep. Take up an old hobby, even if for 10 mins a day or read an interesting light-hearted book, listen to an audio book (this can even help you drop off to sleep), listen to music, watch re-runs of Monty Python or whatever makes you laugh, dance, colour, do a jigsaw. Whatever it is that works for you.
Sleep – is critical. There are various hygiene factors worth considering. Making sure your room is as dark as possible, if this is not practical then buying an eye mask could be worthwhile. Try not to look at tech for 90 minutes before bed or at the very least put it on nightmode. If possible don’t load up on caffeine during your shift because it will disturb your sleep.
The final don’ts or things to avoid are: scrolling through social media, watching the news – (save that for when you wake up if and even then just the headlines) or speaking to a friend who is draining. That is not what you need currently.
Of all these talking to peers and people in same situation is most likely to be helpful. Remember to check in with people you work with, continually ask each other how you are doing. This offers an incredible level of reassurance and support.
I will also help in anyway I can. Get in contact via Twitter, Instagram or Facebook.
Finally – THANK YOU – to all of our NHS workers and frontline healthcare professionals across the globe. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Links to further help:
https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/other-services/Crisis-support/LocationSearch/329
References:
https://www.bmj.com/content/368/bmj.m1211.full?ijkey=Il18pprCDUiMW3R&keytype=ref
https://uk.pcmag.com/how-to/90338/how-to-stop-gadget-blue-light-from-disturbing-your-sleep
Ullrich, P. M., & Lutgendorf, S. K. (2002). Journaling about stressful events: Effects of cognitive processing and emotional expression. Annals of Behavioral Medicine, 24(3), 244-250.
Image: pexels.com
March 23, 2020
Coping with confinement and isolation – Covid 19
We’re currently facing a very surreal world and an unfamiliar way of life. It’s hard to know what to expect especially from a psychological perspective. In response two psychologists from the University of Manchester have summarised their research looking at people in ICE conditions (isolated, confined and extreme). While not the same the evidence from similar personal settings gives us some clues about what’s normal and how to cope. If nothing else the comparison makes it sound a bit more glamorous than being stuck at home – their research includes Antarctic research stations, submarines, the International Space station and expeditions to isolated corners of the world.
Here’s a summary what Dr Nathan Smith and Professor Emma Barrett identified as the key areas to consider (with a link to the full article at the bottom):
Adjustment. It typically takes up to 10 days for people going into and coming out of ICE conditions to get used to their change of environment. The same will be true as we transition into and out of life during the pandemic. Simply knowing and being aware of this can help us to process it.
Uncertainty – is not something that we humans thrive on – we cling to an assurance of ‘what will be’ and crave it even more during times of adversity. In such situations research shows that people cope better when they deliberately take a step back from what they are feeling and assess things from a rational perspective. For example, looking at the number of people who have recovered from Covid-19 as opposed to focussing on how many have died, looking at how quickly China has returned to a level of normality rather than panicking about an apocalyptic outcome.
If this is something that you’re really struggling with it may be helpful to try techniques such as cognitive reframing. The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris gives some fantastic guidelines and his website offers free tools and exercises. Another approach I talk about in my book (Defining You) is emotion surfing.
Focussing on what is within your control is beneficial during times of uncertainty, for example creating a daily routine, proactively thinking about what you are going to eat, what you watch on TV even who you talk to on the phone.
When it comes to getting things done, breaking down tasks into small goals removes some ambiguity while enabling a sense of accomplishment.
It’s also critical not to continually watch the news or spend time scrolling through social media. Stay informed yes but don’t tune in all day – this simply highlights the aspects of life that are scary and unknown.
The paradox of social proximity and social isolation. Most people who has travelled with a friend have experienced this. You choose to spend time with a person you’re really close to but within a few weeks you may well be happy never to see each other again. Sharing space with someone over prolonged periods of time, however much you may like or even love them can be really stressful. ICE settings provide learnings on how to cope with this including being consciously tolerant of others whilst also practising self-constraint.
It is important to allocate somewhere that provides personal space if you can. A place that you can retreat to if your emotions get too much (e.g. frustration, annoyance). You should tell your co-residents about this and ask them to respect your chosen space.
People who have experienced ICE settings also find that it’s absolutely critical to have open and honest conversations about issues. When things are calm it can be helpful to set out sound ground rules and agree a safe or neutral word to use when discussions get heated.
Boredom. It is inevitable that after a while people become bored with repetition and the lack of variety of confinement. For us this won’t be as extreme as those in the Antarctic, space or on a submarine – we have far to see by simply looking out of the window, however none of us are experiencing the variation of life that we normally would. Smith and Barrett suggest introducing creative activities or new hobbies to combat this. They also refer to Ernest Shackleton’s crew on his 1908 Antarctic expedition who read aloud to each other and put on theatrical performances. In current day expeditions physical activity is typically incorporated into routines to counter monotony.
Lack of motivation. Researchers have found that low mood and lack of motivation will inevitably hit people in ICE conditions at some point. Once again an awareness of this and an acceptance that mood and motivation will peak, and trough will help. When we know that something is normal it always makes it far easier to deal with.
Ways of coping include focusing on small goals and achievements, recognising and celebrating progress and potentially sharing accomplishments with friends and family via phone calls or social media. Populations in ICE settings often have celebratory meals as a way of marking a milestone which is something that we can do at home if we’re confined with others or even over FaceTime.
Keeping a journal that captures the highs and low, worries, concerns and frustrations is a positive way of processing emotions.
Another helpful strategy is to find a ‘passion project’ to work toward while stuck in isolation or confinement.
Ultimately, it’s going to be a strange time ahead. We can try our very best to make the most of it and to keep each other going. To help our communities in any way we can even if that’s virtually. To stay home in order to stop the spread, reduce deaths and help our incredible healthcare professionals and of course to all stay safe.
Link to article by Smith and Barrett:
https://thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/coping-life-isolation-and-confinement-during-covid-19-pandemic
References:
Harris, R. (2011). The happiness trap. ReadHowYouWant.com
Pennebaker, J.W. (1997). Writing about emotional experiences as a therapeutic process. Psychological Science, 8, 162–6.
Roberts, D. (2013). Alone on the ice: The greatest survival story in the history of exploration. New York: W. W. Norton.
Smith, N., Kinnafick, F., & Saunders, B. (2017). Coping strategies used during an extreme Antarctic expedition. Journal of Human Performance in Extreme Environments, 13(1), 1.
Photo: pexels.com
March 21, 2020
Helping teens deal with anxiety and Covid-19
Anxiety is normal, it’s something that we all experience and it’s impossible to avoid. It’s really important that teenagers understand this and also that anxiety does not define who they are, it is not part of their personality, it will come and go and we can learn to manage it better.
Most of the time we don’t actually face anything life threatening but our ancient brain responds as if we do. Obviously Covid-19 is life threatening however most of the anxieties experienced by teens will not stem from this, it’s the uncertainty resulting from the pandemic which is heightening levels of anxiety.
Teens are used to looking to adults for the answers (even if they then ignore them) – but we don’t know what’s going to happen in the current situation. That is scary for them. Worse still everything ‘normal’ has just been disrupted: schools are closed, they’re not going to see their friends and don’t know how long for and many have had exams cancelled. They are worrying about things like ‘Will I ever get a job if I am given my predicted grades for my GCSEs, will I get to do the A-levels I want to or go to university’. Be honest with them when you don’t know the answers but try researching them together. Also help them to focus on the things that are hopeful and more definite.
Five steps to understanding and coping with anxiety for teens:
1. Learn about anxiety, how it operates and why it’s normal. For example, anxiety kicks up physical responses like a racing heart, feeling tearful or angry – fearing this creates a vicious cycle. Anxiety also kicks up unpleasant thoughts and feelings and our natural urge is to try and analyse and reason with these. But perhaps counter intuitively that actually makes them worse. Knowledge is the first step to addressing anxiety.
We are being encouraged to use trusted sources to learn about Covid-19 the same is true about anything psychological. The well-meaning Instagram influencer does not count as a good source of information.
2. Social support is critical especially for teens who are at a point in life which depends on their peers more than any other. This is obviously difficult with the measures that are in place. The temptation for teens will be to reach for social media in order to stay connected but research points to this making anxiety worse. It may be a good idea to sit down and talk to your teen about this and come up with a strategy. Don’t stop them from using social media but help them to understand that talking on the phone or via facetime is far healthier. They really need to speak to friends but how they do that matters to their mental health.
While teens are working it can feel comforting to have the radio on or listen to music. The different voices will make them feel less isolated.
3. Physically address anxiety:
Mindfulness. I’m not a good example of making this work in my house with my teenage daughter. However, if you can get your teen to engage the benefits are huge. Done properly mindfulness helps to develop the connections between the frontal lobe and the emotional centres of the brain making it easier to manage anxiety. Suggested mindfulness apps for teens are below.
Breathing – slowly and deeply. In through your nose while counting to 3 drawing the breath right down to your tummy, hold for 1 then out through your mouth counting to three. It works by activating the bodies relaxation response.
Exercise – anything that raises the heart rate also releases GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid) a ‘calm down neurochemical’ which helps rebalance everything in the brain.
Sleep – a routine bedtime and good sleep is essential to managing anxiety. Sleep expert Littlehale advises the athletes he works with ‘no tech for 90 mins before bed’ (we only manage 60 and get eye rolling every night). A difficult one to enforce but really key.
4. Focus on strengths – anxiety focuses us onto the negative. It’s great to help teens to look at their positives. Get them to write down what they’re passionate about, what their strengths are and how they can make use of them in everyday situations.
5. Listen – while teens would rather do anything than speak to their parents they need to air their thoughts and feelings – to help get them in perspective and to learn how to reframe their thinking when it is overly negative. We need to take the lead on talking even if they throw it back. It’s not OK for them to be dismissive of your feelings but perhaps helpful to know that as adults the connection between the frontal lobe of our brain and the emotional centres is stronger. This makes it easier for us to step back from worries, concerns and emotional reactions than it is does for adolescents whose brains are still developing.
Finally let them know that – Thoughts are thoughts. They are not predictions. If they gently let come and let them go they will pass. If they try too hard to understand them or force them to go away they will get bigger. It’s taken me years to realise despite my job but it’s one worth having as a constant reminder.
Mindfulness apps for teens:
Photo by mentatdgt pexels.com
March 17, 2020
COVID – 5 Mental Health 5 A Day
At the moment I think it’s fair to say that many of us if not all of us are suffering from anxiety – whether that’s over the unknown, worrying about our loved ones, job, finances, the future…..Added to which a lot of us are stuck at home not able to carry out normal everyday life. This allows anxiety, worry and mental unease to go into overdrive.
A number of years ago the NHS usefully put together something called the Mental Health 5 a Day. It isn’t a magic bullet, but it does effectively pull together fundamental aspects of keeping our head healthy on a daily basis and I have converted these to the acronym COVID-5. If you want to see this on video click here.
Connect
When we are isolated from other people it can have a hugely negative impact on our brains dramatically undermining our well-being. However extensive research shows that social support can dramatically improve our mental health. This is of course immensely hindered by self-isolation but does not become impossible. It is however important not to fall into the trap of thinking that spending all day on social media keeps you connected. It does, but not in the way that really helps mental well-being.
What you can do:
Make a continued effort to phone and facetime your closest friends and family. Even if you don’t normally connect with them – now is a good time to make it a daily habit.
Listen and be in the moment with people rather than thinking of what you’re going to say next.
Pick up the phone rather than sending an e-mail or text message.
Observe
Observing is about being mindful. Mindfulness is about noticing what’s going on around us, taking notice of sounds, scents, sensations and our breathing. Doing this quietens the constant chatter that typically runs through our mind and enables anxiety to build. I have put some links to good apps at the bottom of this article. If you find the idea of this difficult simply make a point to notice things that you would normally overlook. The shape of your partner’s nose, the weave of the fabric on your sofa, the shape of the clouds you can see from your window. It shouldn’t feel like a big effort. See – more about mindfulness.
What you can do:
Use the headspace app
Breathe – it sounds silly but we often hold our breath for long periods of time when we’re anxious. Make a conscious effort to breath deeply once an hour.
Make an effort to notice the sight, sound, smell and tastes you encounter in everyday activities. For example as you’re taking a shower feel the sensation of water on your skin, listen to the sound of the water washing away, feel your feet on the shower floor. You can do this when you’re eating, walking, sitting on the train, cleaning your teeth etc.
Volunteer
More recently researchers have found that altruism is ‘hard wired’ into our brain, but it’s just often not supported by our modern world. Selflessness is closely linked to our well-being triggering the reward mechanisms in the brain. Giving to others, being pro-social is good for us and has the added benefit of being good for others too. This is more difficult if you can’t physically see people but there are still many ways that you can volunteer.
What you can do:
If you can still get out offer to help someone who can’t by getting their shopping for them or picking up their prescriptions
Call someone who you know may be anxious or lonely and just listen
If you’re working at home and have a little spare time on your hands offer up your skills and capabilities to someone who could use your help.
Introduce Movement
In 2006 I did a study (Bunce & Murden, 2006) which showed the impact of continued physical activity on protecting the frontal lobe of the brain, the bit that helps us to plan and organize and more importantly to regulate our emotions. Exercise has also been shown to ward off depression, decrease anxiety and rebalance the hormones in our bodies. Again this can be hard if you’re stuck inside but there are still ways of moving.
What you can do:
Make sure you get out everyday at least once or twice a day to walk, run or cycle. If you have a garden do some gardening.
Plan to get up at least every 45 minutes and walk around your flat, jump on the spot, stretch. If you live in a house go up and down the stairs a few times
Find an online exercise class that suits your fitness level
Develop new skills and knowledge
We evolved to be curious. Continued adult learning has been shown to positively impact confidence, self-esteem, self-efficacy, life-satisfaction, capacity to cope and general well-being. Learning also helps us to develop social skills, ultimately extending social networks, and promoting tolerance of other people.
What you can do:
Watch a Ted Talk, watch documentaries, listen to podcasts
Take an online course in that language you’ve always wanted to learn, or subject you’ve always been interested in
Learn to knit, garden, play the guitar, draw
Read, read and read some more
You may find it useful to write down your mental health 5 a day and do it everyday. And remember, although the general principles are globally applicable we’re all different, the individual aspects need to be tailored to what works best for you. I’d love to hear your ideas for each of the 5 areas….For now – stay safe, stay well and look after each other.
C – Connect
O – Observe
V – Volunteer
I – Introduce movement
D – Develop new skills and knowledge
MINDFULNESS APPS
Buddhify: http://buddhify.com
Headspace: http://www.headspace.com
iMindfulness:https://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/imindfulness/id473747142?mt=8 Mindfulness Daily: http://www.mindfulnessdailyapp.com
Smiling Mind: http://www.smilingmind.com.au
References
Bunce, D., & Murden, F. (2006). Age, aerobic fitness, executive function, and episodic memory. European Journal of Cognitive Psychology, 18(2), 221-233.
https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/mindful_breathing
Schuller, T., Preston, J., Hammond, C., Brassett-Grundy, A., & Bynner, J. (2004). The benefits of learning: The impact of education on health, family life and social capital. Routledge.
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels
March 16, 2020
Love, Sex and….
Something I wrote a long time ago about love, sex and attraction. Given the complete dominance of my own brain with Covid-19 I thought this may provide some light relief to anyone else like me.
Sexual attraction is – well it’s the source of life and so worth understanding. Eminent biological anthropologist Helen Fisher has conducted numerous fascinating experiments on sexual attraction. Whereas previous research tended to clump all aspects of sexual behaviour together, Fisher found that there are three distinct, although at times overlapping, neurological pathways in the brain which relate to attraction. These fall under the categories of:
Sexual motivation
Courtship behaviour or romantic love
Attachment
Sex comes with rewards that heighten the desire, but there are other important biological factors. On the most basic level, the hormones testosterone and oestrogen are the fuel behind the drive to have sex in the first stage. A women’s sex drive is more multifarious, but a man’s sexual urges are directly related to the levels of testosterone in his system. However, there is also more complex neurochemistry at work as we move into the second stage.
Beyond the chemical reaction, stage two of attraction is characterized by particular actions that are the same in mammals as humans. Fisher’s research shows how this stage involves a series of intense behaviours, such as more highly focused attention, increased levels of energy, obsessive following of a partner, possessive ‘mate guarding’ and the motivation to fight any competition for the preferred mate. It is also accompanied by idealization in which we exaggerate our mate’s positive attributes and overlook their flaws. This in turns fuels the unreal ecstasy of falling in love.
This doesn’t mean that the second stage unfolds with natural ease. Fisher found evidence that when a relationship isn’t going smoothly, the lover has equally strong emotions of despair and desperation. Both positive and negative feelings combine to potent effect and prevent rational thinking. The mind is swamped by chemicals from the survival-driven brain that manifest in the form of emotions and intrusive thoughts. People often say that they can’t think straight when they are in love. They only want to talk about their new relationship because they are literally obsessed. Fisher’s research shows that the level of excitation in the brain during stage two is even more powerful than the initial sex.
Whereas the sex drive can be redirected towards another partner, stage two often involves a rollercoaster of emotions that stems from its singular focus. The hint or possibility of rejection can even add a certain frisson. The idea of playing hard to get, which is related to this stage of sexual attraction, actually has some scientific foundation. Barriers to attaining a love interest have been shown to increase the level of passion in the lover. Fisher calls this ‘frustration attraction’. However, when it is going really badly, a rejected lover’s emotions can feel unmanageably extreme. At its worst, the pain of rejection can cause someone to fall into a clinical depression, to stalk their love interest, commit suicide or even commit homicide.
The romantic phase is an intense but short-lived stage of sexual attraction that typically lasts between 12 and 18 months. Many people feel desperately disappointed that their relationship has ‘lost its spark’ around this point. Often, they will move from one relationship to the next, feeling unhappy because they are chasing an idealistic notion of relationships: the belief that the passion will naturally continue forever if they find their soulmate. In reality, the chemical interactions in the brain do change. We simply don’t remain in the same heightened frenzy of passion over longer periods of time. This is most probably one of the reasons why some people commit adultery: they may still love their partner, but they are in effect seeking the pleasure of stage one and stage two of attraction.
For our ancestors, this short period of intense attraction made sense. The chief purpose of existence was reproduction: perpetuating the species and sticking around long enough to protect offspring in the first few months of life. However, we live far longer than our ancestors and our expectations of life are arguably more complex.
But interestingly, Dr Bianca Acevedo, a psychologist and expert in interpersonal relationships, carried out a neurological study with Dr Arthur Aron that showed that couples who experience long-term romantic love exhibit activity in the same regions of the brain as those who have just fallen in love. These areas are the ‘dopamine-rich brain regions associated with reward, motivation and “wanting”’. Unlike new couples, however, the fear regions had become deactivated. They found that the intense and engaged relationships that resulted went far beyond the typical biological parameters of 12 – 18 months of being ‘in love’. Dr Aron examined the habits, proclivities and attitudes of such couples in order to formulate advice for the rest of us about how to manage attraction in our long-term relationships. Picking a good match in the first place is perhaps a no-brainer. But having regular sex, encouraging your partner’s skills and interests, accentuating the positive and having fun together are all ways of releasing pleasurable hits of dopamine that keep a relationship bonded. This all needs to be cultivated rather than left to chance, but it is surely worth the effort. After all, isn’t a happy, sexy and meaningful romantic relationship one of the greatest sources of joy in life?
Photo: pexels.com
February 4, 2020
I can’t get no sleep…
The importance of sleep has been getting increasing coverage over the past decade. We’re slowly moving into greater awareness of how important it is and that it’s not so macho to deprive ourselves. But how many of us still prioritise our social and career activities – whose demands seem so important and pressing – over ensuring that we keep ourselves and the people around us safe through having enough sleep? The problem is that we are surrounded by technology which can turn sleep deprivation into not only a health risk (e.g. A study of 10,000 people carried out over two decades by the University of Warwick and University College London found that people who reduced their sleep from seven to five hours a night nearly doubled their risk of death from cardiovascular disease) but also a fatal disaster.
In the US, The National Sleep Foundation carried out research which showed that 23% of Americans have fallen asleep while driving. Eighty-six per cent of the 1,027 people who participated in the research weren’t able to appreciate or properly identify the factors that made them drowsy. In the UK, statistics show that a quarter of all car crashes are caused by tiredness. Even if someone is not actually asleep, tiredness reduces reaction time, vigilance, alertness and concentration, which are all considered critical factors to driving safely. Judgement is also impaired, leading us to misinterpret distances, speed and the need to respond to stimuli. With this in mind, it is certainly worth considering ways to test for tired driving in a similar way as we do for drink driving.
The problem is, despite being dangerously tired, many of us still think we are functioning at a normal level. This misidentification of our own fundamental physiological drivers can lead to risk-taking that nobody would even consider if they were in full possession of their rational, well-rested faculties. Something that we’re lacking when tired and our survival driven brain takes control.
Lack of sleep is dangerous in many other environments too. Sleep deprivation costs the UK economy between £115 and £240 million per year in work- related accidents. Shift workers, doctors and nurses, lorry drivers and airline pilots are among those most often affected. This figure doesn’t even capture the knock-on impact: the patients who are not treated properly because their doctor hasn’t slept for two nights or the passengers at risk on a plane when the pilot is in charge of a long-haul flight having had barely any sleep.
Needless to say, life would have been utterly different for our ancient ancestors. When night came, most of their activities, in terms of hunting, foraging or doing any work around the settlement, would have been curtailed. Their options for socializing or entertainment would also have been extremely limited. Their living conditions were optimized for a long replenishing sleep. They did not have a thousand interesting distractions that would keep them buzzing and over-stimulated like we do. Unfortunately our brains have not evolved to keep pace with such seismic shifts in our lifestyles.
From an evolutionary perspective, sleeping even appears counterintuitive. Sleeping makes any animal, including humans in the modern world, more vulnerable to predators and threats. Hence sleep must confer some other powerful survival mechanisms for it to override the need for vigilance. Research suggests that sleep has a restorative effect, obviously, but how exactly it works has perplexed scientists for decades. Recent research, however, has potentially uncovered more about the potential function of sleep. Professor Maiken Nedergaard, a neurologist at the University of Rochester Medical Centre, has reported that sleep plays a critical function in ensuring metabolic homeostasis in all animals: preventing the build up of dangerous levels of biochemical waste produced through other chemical activities in the brain during our time awake. Nedergaard and her team showed that in live mice there was a 60% increase in the space between cells in the brain when they sleep. This space allowed a much larger amount of cerebrospinal fluid to pass between the cells and wash away the toxins which built up when the mice were awake. Nedergaard and her team believe the same occurs in humans cleansing our brains of harmful waste proteins. It wouldn’t be possible for us to be awake, attending to all the stimulating business of life, at the same time as closing down the brain to clean it. The bottom line is that if we were not able to clean out these toxins we would die.
Unfortunately, the advanced civilization we live in, with all its tempting distractions and technologies, clearly does not understand that there is a bottom line. Less sleep means less efficacy in removing toxins that can harm our mental and physical health.
Even when problems don’t get that far, our sleep-deprived lifestyles mean that we are less likely to fulfil our potential in more ordinary ways: keeping fit, pursuing satisfying personal relationships and fulfilling our work or creative achievement.
To learn more about how to optimise your sleep go to my earlier blog post by clicking here. There’s also more about sleep in my book Defining You.
Defining You: Discover telling insights into your behaviour, motives and results to unlock your full potential by Fiona Murden, is now out in paperback.
Available on Amazon UK, USA and Australia at the links below:
http://bit.ly/DefiningYouPaperback
http://bit.ly/DefiningYouPaperbackUSA
Defining You: How to profile yourself and unlock your full potential – SELF DEVELOPMENT BOOK OF THE [image error]
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December 17, 2019
All I want for Christmas is You….
All someone may want for Christmas is you, can you spare a little of your time for someone who’s alone?
This week the BBC shared the story of a man called Terrence who had spent 20 Christmas’s alone. He stood in his doorway crying tears of joy as carol singers came and sung his favourite carol especially for him. It reminded me of my Grandad who used to cry tears of joy whenever he saw us grandkids, or whenever anyone was kind, or actually even when he thought about how grateful he was for life.
Research commissioned by Age UK found that 500,000 older people across the UK are expecting to feel lonely this Christmas. For more than half of those, loneliness has become a ‘normal’ part of life with 300,000 over 65s not even having a conversation with family or friends for a month at a time.
Put simply not being part of a group causes psychological distress. Individual sociability may vary, but we are innately social beings and yearn to be accepted by other people. The psychological repercussions of being isolated from social interaction are often enormous. Prisoners are one population who are deliberately isolated as a form of punishment and studies show the impacts.
The reported side-effects of solitary confinement are so severe that they have been officially termed ‘psychological torture’ in the International Review of the Red Cross. In a study of 100 prisoners kept in solitary confinement in one of California’s highest-security prisons, more than 80% suffered from mental health problems, including excessive worry and anxiety, irrational anger and confused thought processes. 77% of prisoners suffered chronic depression and 41% had experienced hallucinations.
In 1997, Haney and Lynch Professors at the University of California, studied solitary confinement and found its impact includes ‘long-term emotional and even physical damage’, physical responses include gastro-intestinal, cardiovascular, back and joint pains, migraines, insomnia and profound fatigue. This result has been substantiated by numerous other independent studies.
Outside the prison system, many studies have looked into the impact of social isolation across society as a whole.
A study led by Professor Steptoe, director of the Institute of Epidemiology and Health Care at University College London looked at 6500 people for 7 years and found that being isolated from family and friends increased the risk of death by 26%. This was not only because of the emotional warmth provided that buffered the impact of physical conditions but also the advice regarding things like medication and health.
In studies of male mental health, social isolation has also been repeatedly identified as the most important factor contributing to suicide attempts.
People’s response to Terrence’s isolation has been so positive that he won’t be alone this Christmas yet so many still will. The study by Age UK also found that for half a million older people, Christmas can be something to dread, not just because they are alone but because it brings back too many memories of people who have passed away and happier times. I know I miss my Dad a great deal at Christmas, but I’m lucky not to be alone – I have family and children who make it all feel magical.
We have all experienced the downside of group dynamics: the anxiety and pain of exclusion even if that doesn’t mean being literally alone. These dynamics play out, whether overtly or subtly, in offices, schools and communities every day. Even if we’re not alone in the sense of being physically isolated, most of us can recall a time when we’ve felt lonely. At one point when I was living in London, in a house full of friends and a city full of people it was one of the loneliest times in my life. Spending Christmas Day with a bunch of strangers on a beach in Australia when I was travelling was fun but also felt desperately lonely. How about you, have you ever felt lonely?
Wishing everyone a Happy Christmas – I hope you’re not alone or feeling lonely.
Links:
Photo: pexels.com courtesy of cottonbro
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-5080...
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-5076...
December 11, 2019
Who are you?
Despite being bonkersly (it’s my word even if it doesn’t exist) driven in general I also put things I don’t like off. On the whole that involves accounting of any sort. I find it dull. At the moment it also includes making edits to my book (sorry publisher). I wouldn’t say I procrastinate, more deprioritise and get on with other things. I do the big things even if they feel daunting (like writing a book) it’s just those boring niggles that fall to the bottom of my pile. Those itty bitty things.
I come out as a ‘P’ on the Myers Briggs personality inventory which exacerbates my need to put things off. It’s not helped that my husband is exactly the same. This trait we have basically means that we work better under pressure: never pack for holidays, buy presents at the last minute and spend our lives rushing about. As taken from the Myers Briggs website the following statements generally apply to us:
I like to stay open to respond to whatever happens.
I appear to be loose and casual. I like to keep plans to a minimum.
I like to approach work as play or mix work and play.
I work in bursts of energy.
I am stimulated by an approaching deadline.
Sometimes I stay open to new information so long I miss making decisions when they are needed.
In contrast if we were at the other end of the spectrum on this particular facet we would be more like the following:
I like to have things decided.
I appear to be task oriented.
I like to make lists of things to do.
I like to get my work done before playing.
I plan work to avoid rushing just before a deadline.
Sometimes I focus so much on the goal that I miss new information.
Taken from MyersBriggs.org
In the same way that I have often been mistaken as an extrovert, because I love parties and people, I have also been misjudged as a ‘J’ simply because I make lists and always hit my deadlines. These however, like my apparent extroversion are learnt behaviours rather than my more natural way of being.
Your personality is pretty important – it’s what distinguishes you from the next person, what makes you unique. It’s the part of you that lies at the core, the bit that feels more genetic and less adaptable. You can adapt your personality, but it will take a great deal of focused effort, effort that could be more usefully employed paying attention to areas for awareness, areas for development, or simply refining the way in which you do things. As well as highlighting your strengths and even hidden assets, personality tests allow you gain a better understanding of the less positive aspects of your personality, so that you can modify them or understand the impact they have on other people and try to mitigate that.
Us psychologists use psychometric measurement tools like Myers Briggs to get more insight into who someone is and how they approach things. When looking specifically at personality, they can help to find out a person’s preferences and motivational drivers, and provide a prediction of how they will behave in different contexts.
Psychological measurement is a hugely complex practice, so much so that some people focus their whole academic career on the study and development of psychometrics. Psychometric assessments are not just questionnaires or quick quizzes like you find in magazines (in spite of what one reviewer wrote about my book on amazon), they are put together through rigorous and advanced statistical analysis, considering vast amounts of data on behaviour to create tests that on the surface are straightforward and easy to use, yet measure highly complex variables. To be academically and professionally recognized, tests need to have reliability and validity. Some actually argue that Myers Briggs doesn’t itself pass these tests and is not as rigorous, however it still provides a useful guide for people.
If you’d like to try doing a properly constructed personality test and you have my book Defining You then give the Credo a try. It typically costs £100 but you’ll have the code to allow you to access it for free and receive a personalised report. Happy Christmas!
Defining You: Discover telling insights into your behaviour, motives and results to unlock your full potential by Fiona Murden, is now out in paperback.
Available on Amazon UK, USA and Australia at the links below:
http://bit.ly/DefiningYouPaperback
http://bit.ly/DefiningYouPaperbackUSA
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