Iris Ruth Pastor's Blog, page 38

The Healing Power of Journaling, With June Alexander

To listen to my latest podcast episode, click ‘play’ above, or find it on iTunes.

Eating disorders are often a subject shrouded in shame – thought to be only a young girl’s burden. June Alexander, who suffered from anorexia for decades, shred her story of battling anorexia and her ultimate recovery when we talked recently. But what really struck me was learning about the wondrous healing power of journal writing to effect positive and permanent change. And how much success June has enjoyed in teaching others this simple skill.

If you have anything in your life you are grappling with, hearing June’s uplifting story will give you a push in the right direction. And her takeaways for successfully overcoming hurdles are grounded in practicality.

You can find June in the following places:

https://www.thediaryhealer.com

https://twitter.com/junealexanderAU

https://www.instagram.com/junealexand/

https://www.facebook.com/thediaryhealer/

You can subscribe to the Preserving Your Bloom podcast here.

Eating Disorder Trends, Treatment and Renewed Hope for Recovery, with Elissa Myers

Learning something new can be invigorating. And I certainly was reminded of that when Elissa Myers and I spoke recently about her role as Head of The Academy of Eating Disorders. We are a trend-hungry society (I use the word hungry deliberately) and like any other field of study, new treatment techniques are constantly evolving. Some surprising stuff here – especially when Myers spoke about the newest population suffering from disordered eating patterns. Quite a revelation.

Want to learn more about treatment options, prevention, education and research? Myers provides easy to understand, straight forward advice and information from someone heavily invested in keeping abreast of the most cutting edge initiatives in the field of eating disorders today. And best of all, if you or someone you love has an eating disorder, her advice is clear cut and applicable.

Click ‘play’ above to listen to this podcast, or find it here on iTunes.

I Didn’t Expect to Find This in North Carolina

Two things happened this week that I didn’t expect. The first is that my new book hit #1 as a new release in Eating Disorder category on Amazon!





























Thank you to all of you who have made this possible. If you haven’t yet checked out the book, please consider supporting me by ordering it here, and then leaving a review for it on Amazon.














The second unexpected thing that happened this week began with this catalog and encouragement from my friend, Sherry, who has gone to the John C. Campbell Folk School for years.





























The school offers year-round week-long and weekend classes for adults in crafts, art, music, dance, cooking, gardening, nature studies, photography and storytelling. It’s a place that still makes things by hand.

I register for Healing Through Story Telling. A week before departure, the class is abruptly canceled. I’m offered an alternative. I ponder. The timing is awful – my book launched January 30 – I should be spending my time hunkering down at home and riding the publishing roller coaster.

“What the heck,” I think. “Seize the opportunity.”

I switch to batik on paper and bookmaking – having no idea what my choice of class will entail.

The trip starts off great. I arrive at the airport with plenty of time to spare.





























I’m upgraded to Delta comfort.

Red is my favorite color – and Hertz has one bright cherry red car on the lot in Atlanta. The check-in girl even hands me a bottle of water for my two and one-half hour trip from Hartsfield Jackson Atlanta Airport to Brasstown, NC.





























I start to get uneasy as the miles flow past though. I notice that the last Starbucks is sixty miles from the school’s isolated location. Needing a caffeine fix, I continue on the windy mountain roads, somewhat unsettled by the rural starkness.

As I pull into the school’s entrance, the rain gets heavier and the gravel paths connecting the main house, the dining hall and the various studios are muddy, puddled and slick. A tickle of apprehension slivers through me. Then a sigh of relief descends. Though I had packed very lightly, I was well-equipped to brave the mountain elements: old jeans, sturdy black worker shoes sporting rubber soles and my rain repellent hooded jacket.

To my immense relief, I was not given a roommate, but was assigned a cottage with a private room. Immaculate, but spartan.





























What’s missing in this picture? Yep. No television. CNN withdrawal creeps in, and the silence of the room is eerie.

I make friends.

Cliff – lives in South Carolina, in a log cabin without Internet and TV. Two red tail boas, two Dumeril boas, and a Columbian rain boa keep him company. Mostly self-taught, he plays guitar, mandolin, bouzouki, dulcimer, banjo, flutes and didgeridoo to name just a few of the many musical instruments he has mastered.





























Anna – wears a different brightly colored felted flower every day. Her grammar school in Zebulon, Georgia, was built in the 1920’s and is in a state of disrepair. She tells me she sells her winter flowers for $25 per piece and the money goes to the restoration project of the school.





























Morning Song begins at 7:45am. This Danish custom of singing, folklore, and camaraderie is a wonderful start to the day. Meals are served family style, featuring as much farm-to-table produce as possible. And everyone randomly sits where they choose, thus ensuring your meeting a great number of fellow students.

Studio Time is Friday evening, most of Saturday and two hours on Sunday. It is go at your own pace.

We learn batik on paper – and finish up by using one of our creations as a journal cover for a book we made. How ironic that I spent the weekend physically making an actual book while so busy promoting one virtually.





























Five students – one teacher – here is our studio.





























And here is our group:
















































What did I get when I allowed myself to step out of my self-imposed silo and experience something different and strange?

A chance to replenish my soul in the mountains and get my mind off my book launch, the size of hips and the latest headlines.

An opportunity to be true to my brand – Preserving Your Bloom – in the midst of a very busy and stressful time, I removed myself and let myself re-fuel in an idyllic setting.





























And the ending was just as perfect. I woke up early Sunday morning and as I’m brushing my teeth, my eye catches a bright dot above me where the ceiling meets the wall. What do I see? A ladybug, which is a spirit animal who brings luck and abundance wherever she goes.





























I was fortunate to experience the tradition and history of the Appalachians. I departed with energized inspiration and renewal that came from visiting this special place.

When is the last time you did something that fed your soul and rekindled your creative juices?

Occupied your hands?

Called on new talents and strengths?

Don’t wait.

Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris

Ax the Diet Mindset, with Dr Nina Savelle-Rocklin

January screams at us: GET SKINNIER IN THE NEW YEAR. Sure it’s a month of new beginnings and new resolutions. But for chronic dieters and those of us who are NOT HAPPY with our body shapes, January – though ripe with promise – creates a culture of unbearable discontent.

I’ve got an antidote to counteract the insidious media messages we are bombarded by relentlessly. You know the ones – promoting a feeling that our bodies are not good enough as is – subtly planting the thought that there is a moral superiority in being thin. How dare they imply we need flatter tummies, firmer breasts and tauter arms to be not only healthier, but happier?

That’s a lot of pressure. And I’m fighting back.

Coinciding with my book launch of The Secret Life of a Weight-Obsessed Woman, I’m also launching the Preserving Your Bloom podcast, or PYB as I like to say. You can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes.

Imagine us sitting around your kitchen table chatting with people you’d like to get to know better – fascinating people with wisdom-packed, relevant stories and perspectives – all aimed at helping you live the life you crave.

My first guest helps us do just that.

Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin is a Los Angeles based psychoanalyst who specializes in weight, food and body image issues and the author of the book Food For Thought. Dr. Nina, who treats adult patients only, shares her thoughts and observations on the importance of implementing an anti-diet mentality.

Dr. Nina emphasizes that people suffering with disordered eating patterns are not eating because they are physically hungry, but to satisfy emotional hungers. Rather than eating to fuel our bodies, she maintains, “we are eating for comfort, for distraction or to numb ourselves against difficult feelings.” Dieting is not the answer.

We can ax the diet mindset. We can reduce cravings and free ourselves of destructive behaviors and thought patterns. We can develop sources of comfort within ourselves to self-soothe that don’t involve food.

Want to have Dr. Nina sit around YOUR kitchen table?

Click ‘play’ below.

The adventure begins.

Give Better Gifts. Here’s How…

Why am I writing about the art of gift giving when broken ribbons and smashed wrapping paper may still be strewn about your family room? And mounds of gifts may still be haphazardly stacked in three piles:

to be put away
to be given away
or to be surreptitiously re-gifted

I’m writing about gift giving simply because gift giving is truly an art. Selecting a gift for someone that will resonate deeply and touch them profoundly  requires effort, time and forethought. And even four days after Christmas is not too early to start.

Darin and Gopal – who used to live across the street from my husband and me – sent us a holiday present. As soon as the package landed on my front stoop, the artistic label brought a warm glow:





























The label is original and colorful. Inspirational messages are tucked into three of the boxes – reflective of their personal values:

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

“The most powerful force in the world that can change the life of millions of people is COMPASSION.”

“UBUNTU – (n.) the belief that we are defined by our compassion and kindness toward others.”

Upon opening the box, we were further enthralled:





























Twelve handpicked jams and jellies from around the country rested inside the corrugated box. Each jar was stamped with a different month of the year and each jar had been personally selected by Darin and Gopal. An accompanying letter explained their cross country journey to search out their ultimate jam and jelly selections, accompanied by a recipe for each month’s choice.

I was awestruck by their creativity, so grateful for their deep and abiding friendship and humbled by their endless well of generosity and thoughtfulness.

Think about the gifts you received

Did any wholeheartedly inspire you?

Did any impress you with the amount of contemplation behind the gift itself? Did any move you to elevate your own gift giving expertise?

Tips for better gift giving

Give presents that reflect who the recipient truly is, not who you want them to be. Example: giving a gym membership to a family member who you’ve been nagging all year to “lose the gut” may not be interpreted in a positive way.

Be practical. Blogger Mandy Stadtmiller gave her husband deluxe Bose noise-canceling headphones because they live in a small apartment.

Be introspective and sleuth a little. Blogger Laura SunEagle suggests making a list of your giftee’s characteristics, favorite things, and inside jokes that you share. Consider things like:

Does this person enjoy experiences more than things?

Do they only like practical things?

Or are they only interested in items with decorative function (photos, paintings, sports memorabilia, etc.)? Her sister, for example, doesn’t care about anything unless she can drink coffee out of it.

SunEagle also advises searching on Etsy or Pinterest. “If your giftee uses Pinterest, buy stuff that they have pinned. This is the best life hack that you will ever receive,” she notes.

Mastering the art of gift giving involves observation. Listen and pay attention – people often comment on their likes, dislikes and interests. Utilize this information to lead you in buying a gift that will be both valued and appreciated.

Be strategic. I hate shopping, so I do double-duty. While waiting for two gift cookie platters to be assembled recently, I looked around at the store’s gift inventory and found this.





























Be positive: I often give items depicting a lady bug, whose spirit is associated with good luck and new happiness.





























And I give hamsas –  in all shapes and sizes – which is a Middle Eastern amulet associated with protection against evil and a harbinger of happiness, luck and health.





























Avoid the obvious: My dearly departed cousin, (who just happened to adore the color purple, which I DON”T) gave me every imaginable item that sported a picture of an Iris on every gift giving occasion – from guest towels and napkins to a toilet bowl brush, stamped with an “Iris.” Seriously?

What present this holiday season did you receive that struck you with its originality, resourcefulness and bigheartedness?

What’s the most meaningful gift you ever received?

And really, really, really, what’s the worst gift you’ve ever received?

Let me know. Happy New Year.

May you be blessed in 2018 with good health, good times and good fortune. And, of course, lots of meaningful gifts!

Iris

P.S. Adventurous in the kitchen? Here’s Gopal and Darin’s January selection:

The Biscuit

Buttermilk biscuit

El Trigal raw milk Manchego (very popular Spanish cheese)

Sausage (Veg option: garden veggie patty)

Raspberry mango passion fruit jam

Warm biscuit in oven while cooking either sausage or patty. Cut a generous slice of room temperature Manchego and place it over the sausage or patty just as it finishes cooking in order to melt it. Place on inside of biscuit top half. 

Slather a healthy slice of jam on the bottom half of the biscuit and top with the melted top half. DEVOUR.

I’m saving this meal for the last Sunday in January. 

Happy Feasting 

Do You Want an Instagram Husband?

I ran across the funniest video the other day; it’s called Instagram Husband:

I will admit, there is something compelling about the idea of having a husband who is at your beck and call. Okay, I get he’s a little bitter, bored and downright disgusted by his partner’s relentless pursuit of the “perfect shot” to portray their “perfect life.”

But isn’t it pretty nice to have:

A spouse who supports you and your antics? Projects? Interests? Even obsessions?
A spouse who isn’t at a loss for useful things to do to fill his time? And maybe even helping you with yours?

The holidays are here – we’re taking a break from our normal daily routines. We’re taking time off. We’re reconnecting with family and friends. Reflecting on our own dreams and goals. Considering not only the aspirations of our spouse or significant other, but his prominence and importance in our “perfect life.” So if one of your New Year’s resolutions might be turning a Couch Potato Hubby into an Instagram Hubby in 2018, consider the following:

Does he truly enjoy being with you? And you with him?

Does he embrace the adage “Happy Wife, Happy Life”?

Does he need a hobby?

If your answers are “Yes,” you may be able to pull off the mighty feat of having an Instagram husband who is not annoyed, irritated and frustrated. He may be an Instagram Husband who is actually invigorated, thoroughly engaged and attentive in portraying those special moments with you.

But if you fall short and abandon the whole project, that’s okay too. Living those perfect moments AND those more mundane moments is what life is all about. The most important thing is that he’s by your side while doing it – whether he’s snapping pictures or not.

Happy holidays! Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris

What Does Your First Name Mean?

I have two questions for you this morning:

Have you ever researched your given first name? I encourage you to  embrace with vigor the origin of your birth name and its meaning.

Have you ever looked closely at that which surrounds you? At gifts people have given you over the years? Like the meaning of your name, they provide additional clues to who you are and how you present yourself. I scrutinized the poster pictured below that my brother had sent me years ago.

It was a treasure chest full of insight just waiting to be recognized.

Ah. Iris:

A goddess of color.

A song of spring.

A woman of the rainbow.

In Greek mythology, Iris was a messenger goddess for Zeus and Hera – who rode rainbows on a multicolored bridge – to deliver messages from Olympus to earth. The name Iris in Latin means bringer of joy. In ancient times, the flower Iris was considered a symbol of power and majesty, the three petal segments representing faith, wisdom and valor.

How ironic that since I began writing in eighth grade, I always felt like a vessel for imparting information – long before I knew the origin of my birth name. I took naturally to being a carrier through which wisdom flowed from one vessel to another through me. And in my writing I tried to be – like the petals – wise, trustworthy and brave.

Preserving Your Bloom is my mantra and most things bloom in spring. And it’s no secret I like not only rainbows, but what’s at the end of each rainbow too – a pot of gold! Especially gold made into bracelets, necklaces, pins, chokers and rings.

Ah, but I digress. Let’s tear away from golden trinkets and return to the messenger segment.

What do you do when you come across an observation or statement that startles, enlightens, or jumpstarts your thinking in a new way?

I always save it. Some I drop in bright red file folders. Some I type in my quotes folder under Notes in my iPhone. Some I snap a picture of and put in Photos. Some I scribble on whatever scrap of paper is handy and hastily stuff in my pocket. Sometimes, the washer then eats them. Sometimes they survive. And, if I need reinforcement and a kick in the tushy? I carefully print a message on my funky kitchen blackboard. Like this one below:

Invariably, unlike the above admonishment, most of the gems are saved for future use, reference and inspiration. And now, since I have discovered I am a “Messenger,” this intense hoarding of information makes sense.

So below are observations which had a great deal of stickiness for me in 2017. Some were found in magazines and are without attribution. Some were heard in conversational podcasts and jotted down. Some have attribution. Some not. Most are not my own, but a few are.

And since Preserving Your Bloom In Order To Live The Life You Crave is my mantra, these particular quotes relate directly to flourishing:

Where flowers bloom, so does hope.

— Lady Bird Johnson

Every flower blooms in its own time.

Deep in your wounds are seeds waiting to grow beautiful flowers.

— Niti Majethia

Every flower must push through the dirt to bathe in the sunshine.

I give thanks for both my blooms and my thorns.

— Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Bloom where you are planted.

There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

— Anais Nin

The flower doesn’t dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes.

—Mark Repo

Think outside the vase.

Never yet was a springtime when the buds forgot to bloom.

— Margaret Elizabeth Sangster 

May your New Year be filled with a plethora of blessings, an unlimited treasure trove of creativity and endless opportunity to grow, engage and Bloom.

– Iris

P.S. How about sending me one of your favorite quotes for future publication at irisruthpastor@gmail.com ? Why should I have all the fun of selection?

 

I Cried, Then I Danced

Okay, I admit it. I am totally off the wall.

Have you ever struggled with attaining some major milestone for months – heck, years – and suddenly you arrive at the finish line?

That’s how I felt Wednesday afternoon around 2:30 pm when my book went live on Amazon. What does that mean? It is now available for pre-sale. It exists. Not just in my imagination. Not just in Microsoft Office Word on my computer. Not just in my editor’s inbox. Not just in boxes at the publicist’s office. It is real. Anyone with access to a computer, iPhone or iPad can view it. And order it.

Am I starry eyed? Teary? Numb? So very happy? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Broke out the bubbly. Danced around the family room couch. Hugged my husband hard. Immediately texted my mom, siblings, sons and daughters-in-law that the longed for, momentous occasion had come to pass.

YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is the end of the beginning. Finally.

What’s publishing like these days? Chaotic. Exhausting. Tumultuous. Ever-changing. Fraught with despair, delight, self-doubt and exhilaration. Depending on the moment. Sometimes all at the same time.

And going public with a very touchy subject was a whole new experience in itself. Maybe you can relate?

Have you ever equated your self-worth with the needle on the scale? 

And the further north it climbed, the worse you felt?

Have you ever fell off the dieting wagon again and again and again?

And vowed it would be different tomorrow?

Have you ever berated yourself for eating the first, second or even third piece of chocolate cake?

Agonized over another pair of too tight jeans?

Just knew your life would be better if you lost ten pounds?

I experienced all these uncomfortable feelings, but I took it a step farther. I found a way both to outsmart the scale and eat all those fattening goodies – the dangerous foods – whenever I wanted – as much as I wanted.

The title of my book is The Secret Life of a Weight-Obsessed Woman: Wisdom to Live the Life You Crave. Here is the cover:

It is a memoir – my honest and personal account of what it’s like to live with an eating disorder. But at heart, my book is a story most everyone can relate to – it’s about living with an addiction, a bad habit, a self destructive pattern of behavior, a negative  mind-set – anything that prevents you from living life fully, living with joy and purpose and vigor.

We all struggle. The only shame is if our pride or fear holds us back from reaching out for help. My friend Leah Ivey said it best: The Secret Life of a Weight Obsessed Woman highlights the need of self-acceptance and perseverance through extremely difficult times.

What do I wish for each of you? That you Preserve Your Bloom through self-care so that you can live the life you carve.

Iris

Living in the Moment

Looking back on my life, I realize most of it has been spent in rigid countdown mode – ticking off backwards down to zero.

How many days until I start kindergarten?

How many days until I can ride my bike past the end of my street?

How many days until my 8th birthday party?

How many days until I can go to the shopping mall by myself, pierce my ears, get my driver’s license, shave my legs, go on a real date, open my own checking account, vote, drink, marry, give birth, buy a house, decorate a house, get all my kids in school, witness all my kids graduate?

I have almost lost track of myself while eagerly entangled in a waiting mode until I reach the next coveted milestone. This seems – as I get older – to be quite an appalling way to lead a life.

So many days until vacationing in the Berkshires.

So many days until I get to see my sons who live out of town.

So many days until I reach my goal weight at the Weight Watcher weekly meeting.

So many days until I see my six grandchildren again.

So many days until my new book The Secret life of a Weight Obsessed Woman goes on sale.

And now – thanks to ubiquitous social media – I am presented with yet another mathematical marker. This one is more pernicious because it reflects validation, not just days passing. It implies how much I am connecting with my readers. How much my words and thoughts are being valued. Heard. Known. Shared. Acknowledged. Commented on.

What is more important? To cultivate my creativity, to speak my mind, to have my words and observations reflect what is truly in my heart? Or to succumb to the temptation of trying to figure out what friends and followers on Facebook and Instagram want and giving it to them? I vow to choose the former in 2018.

The year 2018 will be different. Not rushed through, but savored. Life not held captive by the calendar and clock – days not viewed as something to be endured until reaching the next mile marker. I am going to zestfully relish each hour, each moment, as it unfolds and crystallizes. And not be unduly influenced by the inherent messiness of life – its aches, aggravations and acrimony.

All this is uppermost in my mind as I’m coming off an exhausting, but exhilarating, eight days of family-filled mayhem surrounding the Thanksgiving holiday. My husband and I head to LaGuardia Airport to fly back to Florida, arriving with hours to spare. So I stroll the terminal – indulging in my passion of searching for eclectic street fashion among the passengers waiting to board. Here’s what catches my eye:

The striking message emblazoned on the jacket jumpstarts my ruminations. Sure, the string of family parties was invigorating and  satisfying. In reality, following our Thanksgiving weekend of fun and frolic, we all return to our routines, our challenges, our situations. And as 2017 rushes to a close, I wonder once again how to best use the days and weeks and months that I hopefully will be granted in 2018 to overcome some of life’s difficulties.

Two thoughts spring to mind:

I will do one thing that scares the heck out of me.
I will do one thing I have tried and failed at numerous times before.

What scares me? Ditching the podium and my note cards when public speaking.

What am I going to do? I am registering for the storytelling retreat at the John C. Campbell Folk School.

What have I repeatedly failed at? Embracing the concept of Intuitive Eating.

What am I going to do? I’m going to e mail the author of Intuitive Eating and ask for guidance and advice.

What scares you?

What have you tried and failed at again and again and again?

And how do you plan to move past the fear and the failure?

Let me know.

In the meantime:

Let’s pause more.

Rush less.

Allow “one of these days” to give way to “now.”

Pry loose “someday” from the grip it holds on our agenda.

Let’s keep in mind that courage to face our adversity and devise a plan is  more important than short lived, unsustainable results.

Let’s use, admire and cherish that which we have. And not count anything anymore – except our blessings. 

Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris

Shop Local: A Poem

Thanksgiving feasting has come to a close,

as your body now rests in sweet repose

Your fingers don’t need the exercise

but your hips, belly and tush sure do.

So I’m here to offer and reveal

a needed post-eating frenzy clue:

Put down your iPad.

Power off your phone.

Intersect with shopkeepers.

Don’t cocoon alone.

Burn off excess calories consumed

at yesterday’s Thanksgiving feast.

Shop the old fashioned physical way

to counteract the food coma beast.

To plump up the economy,

visit stores, with relatives in tow,

all voicing their unfiltered opinions

as you hunt, search, try on and show.

Support all your local retailers

and owner-operated boutiques.

Walk the avenue – peruse the mall.

Bargin, chatter and critique.

And when Black Friday’s over,

not just bargains will you have bought,

but spent a day with those you loved

for naughty and for naught.

Shopping til you’re dropping

may not cure all that ails our land,

but getting out to physically buy

will surely lend a helping hand.

Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Iris