Iris Ruth Pastor's Blog, page 11

With A Little Help From My Friends

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Hmm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Hmm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

Paul McCartney and John Lennon finished this well- known ditty in mid-March, 1967 and it’s taken up residence in my mind ever since. 

Getting by. 
Getting high. 
Gonna try. 
That’s what friends are for.

When I’m grappling with something, instead of tossing and turning sleeplessly for weeks on end, I turn to my buddies to extrapolate from their varied experiences.

This week I’ve been devoting too much brain space to my physical space. 

What happens when we contemplate implementing a change in our space and/or our residence? 

I have a friend who had a comfortable, comforting home in a leafy green suburb where she and her husband raised two children and she partook in many community-based activities, including tutoring in the local schools. In my opinion, she had based much of her daily life around her location – in a seamless, satisfying manner.

Around Covid, she and her husband decided to move out of the community into an urban oasis – a high rise – a vertical community – overlooking the Ohio River.

I asked her how wrenching it was to leave the “old neighborhood.” And I was surprised by her answer.

“It was time to move on,” she replied brightly. “Now I go back and yes, it is nostalgic, but not in an ‘omg what did we do?’ way. It was time to move on to a new phase – and I am now very happy where I am.“

A different friend had a different situation. She didn’t want to move from her lovely home on a cul de sac, but her husband no longer wanted the responsibility of a house – one which needed a fair amount of work and upkeep. Finances, age, and maintenance issues contributed to his desire to move into a rental apartment. 

“I went from a stable demographic of neighbors to an ever changing landscape of renters. I went from 2400 s/f to 1400 s/f. 

“And in the process, I got rid of a lot of stuff – pictures, shoes, clothes, crystal goblets, dishes, my dining room table. It was overwhelming, but my sister went to work weeding out the excess and sorting through the mess to get me back to basics.” 

That was five years ago. I ask her if she is happy. 

“I’m not overjoyed, but my husband loves it,” she retorts.

“Seemed like a pretty big sacrifice on your part,” I probed, thinking maybe I had pushed a little too far into the personal. 

“My husband had never asked anything of me before this,” my friend explained. “In marriage, you make compromises and this was the first time I needed to make a compromise – he had done a lot for me and this was something I could do for him. And he loves calling the slew of maintenance men when something goes wrong!”

“So,” I asked half-jokingly, “how does your husband handle the things about the apartment you don’t like?”

“Well,” she said, “I hate the carpet and it really could use replacing, but we would have to be in charge of moving all the furniture in and out –  in order for the management to okay replacing it – a big hassle. So my husband tells me, ‘Just don’t look at it, kiddo.’

“So, I try not to,” my friend quips, with a wide grin.

Another friend had a very pragmatic approach to getting rid of things when they went to smaller quarters: “I took lots of pictures,” she said, “and I did regret parting with some of it, but honestly – there was no room so it needed to go.”

I look around the house I live in now. I did not raise my children in this house, but all of their stuff went with me and my husband even though the kids were long past living in the family nest.

And I realize the problem is that for the last 17 years, though I have not accumulated THAT MUCH, I have also NOT THROWN AWAY ONE THING!

Help!!!!!!! I need a big push. 

And a little help from my friends on how to divest of a plethora of stuff. And where to start.

Suggestions welcome!

https://youtu.be/0C58ttB2-Qg?si=L4PBaOTj_b3U0ymD


Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

Preventing A Thanksgiving Melt-down

Thanksgiving comes early this year. Hence, this week’s column – dealing with getting in the right frame of mind and preparing ahead of time to ward off family issues.

I don’t excel in the kitchen. No magnificently stuffed, basted and roasted turkey will ever emerge from my seldom-used oven to my gleaming Lenox serving platter – unless someone else makes it. The same with homemade pumpkin pie.




I must confess: I am more interested in what goes on around the table rather than what dishes get placed on the table.

So here are some suggestions for a memorable, enjoyable and richly textured Thanksgiving experience:

Cultivate a Thanksgiving frame of mind.
Compose a handwritten note of thanks to a few people who have extended to you the gift of kindness in the past year.
“Fill your car with frozen turkeys and cart them down to a local food bank to be distributed,” suggests my friend Joyce. “I do this a couple of days before Thanksgiving. And I stuff boxes there as well. I feel good and it enables the family receiving the food able to celebrate Thanksgiving too.”
 
Once around the table:
     Recall: One of my more outrageous friends, whose identity will  remain hidden, boldly suggests sitting around the table and recalling “Disasters of Thanksgivings Past.” With a twinkle in her eye, she cautions me that only those with a well-endowed sense of humor and tolerant of some good-natured ribbing should attempt this. Here are two examples to jog your memory: Grandma burning the turkey to a crisp and Willy and his wild sons knocking over the entire Thanksgiving dessert table while tossing a Nerf football over it.


     

     Diversion: “My family fights over everything,” another friend who will remain nameless, admits. “We always need diversion to prevent arguments from flaring up. Because we don’t get together over the December holiday season, we make a practice of exchanging gifts at the Thanksgiving table. The person in charge for that year passes out one name to each person a few weeks before Thanksgiving. That person buys a book for the person whose name he received, based on their interests. He wraps it and presents it to the person, along with an explanation of why he picked that particular book for him. It’s fun and prevents much dreaded smoldering family resentments to inflame – at least until the meal is over.”

     Nostalgia: “Take a group picture before the food courses commence – and add it to a collage of group pictures, which get displayed each year. It’s hysterical to see how people age,” my friend Nina remarks wickedly. “And great motivation for pre-Thanksgiving dieting.”

     Gratitude: “It’s tried, true and trite but what can it hurt? Go around the table and ask each person to talk BRIEFLY about one thing they are grateful/thankful for,” suggests Gail. “And with technology surrounding us, we often utilize Zoom or Face time with relatives celebrating elsewhere.“
 
Remember the disconcerting scene from the movie, “Avalon,” produced by Barry Levinson? One brother yelled at the other, “You cut the turkey without me.” And they never spoke again.

Remember the quote written by Oscar Wilde? “After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.”

Let’s face it. We wait to cut the turkey until all guests have arrived. We make sure the food is delectable. Still, there can be folks seated around our Thanksgiving table that we just can’t stand. How do we get through the meal without a major meltdown? Knife fight? Or hair pulling ruckus?

Here’s a few suggestions from me – a self-proclaimed know-it-all – who sports absolutely no professional qualifications:
     Lower your expectations
     Dwell on the positive
     Don’t look for a slight – or you’ll be sure to find one
     Listen more than talk
     Avoid expounding on religion, politics or The Middle East
     And if things heat-up, pop open another bottle of wine & slug away
 

 
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
 

Let’s Discourse with Dignity and Respect

I am Jewish. I grew up in a very secular home, reluctantly went to Sunday School on Sunday and Hebrew School on Wednesday. I loved the sugary snacks served at break time and the boys in my class. The Hebrew, history and holiday lessons? I could take or leave.

My mother knew no Hebrew, never fasted on Yom Kippur and I’m sure never knew the difference between Shavout and Simchas Torah. My dad, growing up in Upstate New York, was kicked out of Cheder (Hebrew School) for bad behavior and the fact that his parents had no money to pay for his Jewish education didn’t help matters. He never returned. 

However, that didn’t stop my parents from giving my brother, my sister and me a thorough education in anti-Semitism and the Holocaust. I started reading The Diary of Anne Frank when I was in 5th grade. Since then – throughout my entire life – I have continued to read books on the mass slaughter of six million Jews by the Nazis. I read memoirs, historical fiction, non-fiction, essays and poetry – anything I can find on the topic -while trying to make sense of the senseless. 

Dormant terror and rage lived in me. 
Could it happen again? 
I grew up thinking it couldn’t.
It was too scary to think otherwise.

Until October 7, that is.

Since then my stomach has been in knots and my terror has grown. I don’t feel safe anywhere. I am terrified for my adult children. I am hysterically terrified for my grandchildren. What a world they will be inheriting. 

Cornell University had postings on a bulletin board encouraging students to follow a Jew home and slit his throat.

Russian mobs stormed Dagestan Airport to take out the Jewish passengers arriving from Tel Aviv. Hours later, Putin claimed – without proof – that the airport riots were staged from the Ukraine. 

University presidents of prestigious institutions struggle with their responses to such blatant evil. They dance around the fact that Hamas is a terrorist group focused only on death and destruction of the Jews. They are reluctant to squelch their students protesting Israel’s response to the Oct 7 slaughter of innocents. 

There is an uptick in anti-Semitism.
President Biden is getting rampant criticism for his support of Israel.  
Israel is being held to a different level than other countries – constantly having to prove her right to exist – having to counteract those who feel, we as Jews somehow “have it coming to us.”

To those who think like that, I respectfully direct you to the link below: 
https://www.chron.com/life/article/landers-jewish-contributions-to-the-world-are-2065711.php

Hamas is a terrorist organization – intent on perpetrating evil. They don’t want better lives for their people. They want the destruction of Israel and the Jewish people. They fight for death and evil. 

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/oren-kaplan_hamasisisis-standwithisrael-activity-7125189781436739585-XpHK

Hamas invaded Israel based on meticulous, well thought- out plotting and planning, but Hamas made no provisions for their people’s water supply, food, electricity, medical care and well- being after they slaughtered innocent civilians in Israel in the most inhumane manner. 

And Hamas strategically places their commander’s headquarters in close proximity to Palestinians refuges so their innocent civilians get massacred when Israel rightly-so retaliates. 

G-d bless advertising guru Donny Deutsch, who, on October 30 on MSNBC had the courage to call what Hamas has done as blatant anti-Semitism. Deutsch said that Israel, “a civilized, human-valued driven democracy,” is held to a different level than any other country and the Jewish people to a different level too.

This is a dangerous time. And I feel very vulnerable, as do my people. And I know my parents and grandparents would be proud of me for raising my voice in the face of such gross injustice. 

MAKE NO MISTAKE: I feel for the Palestinian people.
MAKE NO MISTAKE: Israel didn’t start this war and Israel didn’t want this war.
MAKE NO MISTAKE: Let’s hold accountable those who should be held accountable for rape, pillage, barbarism and immorality. And stop blaming Israel for defending itself and its people.
MAKE NO MISTAKE: We, in this country, would do the same.

It’s hard to preserve any bloom in this climate of hate, but let’s discourse with dignity and respect,

Iris Ruth Pastor

Altering our Behavior and Perspective Amidst Armed Conflict

When my five kids were little, there were days when I spent the majority of my productive hours organizing their toys. I remember endless hours spent putting their Legos of all shapes, sizes and colors in their respective boxes – only to wake-up the next day and do it all over again. 

Ditto for wiping up spilled apple juice, wiping runny noses and cleaning off chubby little palms and fingers after they had dug in the backyard dirt. 

Then my five babies grew up. And I began to write more frequently and with more intensity. I thought I was engaging in something very different than ministering to my small children’s needs. But, actually, it was the same template: trying to create a sense of order out of chaos. 

Today, I’m kinda dialing back on trying to create order out of chaos, for the order is more elusive and the chaos is much larger in scope. 

Instead, I’m intent on helping my readers see the world in a slightly different way than they may have otherwise.

Sometimes this is easy to accomplish.
Sometimes, my words get lost in the weeds, making minimal sense to me. And I’m not so sure I’m coming even close to that lofty goal. 

This week’s column is of the latter ilk. Is it filled with platitudes or a little think-worthy? Who knows? I decide to roll with it anyway. 

These days I feel like a bit actor in a scene from the movie Cabaret. It’s Berlin, 1931. The Nazi party is rising and the Weimar Republic is collapsing. And as the storm clouds of war form, the patrons of the Cabaret are at breakneck speed partying hearty – oblivious to what is soon going to happen? Am I waiting for something ominous to happen too?

The patrons of the nightclub may have been oblivious to the coming upheaval, but others clearly were not. 
.
History’s most famous astrologer is Frenchman Nostradamus. Michel de Nostredame used the quatrain form to deliver his famous prophecies in the 16th century. He is credited with predicting such seismic events as Hitler’s rise to power and the 9/11 attacks on our own shores. 

Nostradamus writes his predictions in verses known as quatrains, which is a stanza of four lines, usually having alternate rhymes. His quatrains are often difficult to predict because his references to specifics can be vague. 

However, according to history.co.uk, Nostradamus “predicted a great war would occur in 2023.”

One line reads: seven months great war, people dead through evil. 

Another line: sooner and later you will see great changes made, dreadful horrors and vengeances.

Can we dismiss these frightening phrases as mere groundless speculation? Or should we embrace them as gospel based on the eerie accuracies of his past quatrains with actual real events?

Who knows?

But one thing is known for sure: the world is in free-fall turbulence and near-constant upheaval and our anxieties are sky high. Something’s surely going on. 

We feel fear. 
We are anxious. 
We are untethered. 
Loss of control feels imminent. 

Intellectually, we know to take breaks from the constant barrage of news updates, but we also feel an acute pull to still stay informed. The key perhaps lies in exposure to the news in digestible portions. 

The key also lies in recognizing we are not alone and we are not entirely powerless. 

We can manage our feelings of uncertainty and powerlessness by getting involved in our local community – by working on issues that are important to us personally. This is good for our mental health and our stability. 

One way to accomplish this is to take part in things we feel comfortable with, such as peaceful rallies and gatherings, prayer vigils, and organized debates. Active listening and engaging in dignified discourse with those who hold opposing views can be helpful. However, if the conversation veers in a disrespectful or accusatory direction, removing ourselves may be best. 

Reaching out to a friend, expressing our thoughts by journaling, drawing, dance or performing are always positive reactions to stave off despair.

And avoiding long rambling scrolling-through sessions on social media is also advised for it desensitizes our emotions and it numbs the senses. 

And, of course, donating funds to organizations we feel best represent our interests and capture our sympathies is a positive reaction to distressing situations.

How to talk to our kids and grandkids about the Israel-Hamas War? That’s a tough one too. See below for that:

https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/articles/talking-children-about-scary-world-events

So what’s the takeaway?
    Small doses of news in digestible amounts
    Taking care of ourselves and our loved ones
    Coming together as a community
    Giving of our time and resources
    And, praying for peace in the Middle East

Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

As Headlines Scream Of Mayhem, Terror And Chaos, What Should We Do?

As Headlines Scream of Mayhem, Terror and Chaos, What Should We Do? Foremost, we should take care of ourselves.
 
Because, as bystanders, what does a constant stream of gut-wrenching acts of atrocity do to us physically? Or more specifically, what’s the impact on that vital organ – our hearts?
 

 
As the days of the Israel-Hamas War wear on, I think of ways I can be of some use. Clearly, as a 76 year-old grandmother with a temperamental knee, I choose to help through words rather than action. 
 
Hence: here are some words of wisdom from a heart specialist on how to take care of our physical heart – in a world where terrorists have struck innocent citizens leading to worldwide unrest. 
 


Dr. Daniela Crousillat at the USF Health Department of Cardiology states, “We are all too familiar with stress, but we owe it to ourselves to manage our stress to keep ourselves and our hearts healthy. Chronic stress and anxiety have been linked to increased risk of heart disease. Even when stressful situations seem outside of our control, here are a few ways to uncoil and keep our minds and hearts healthy: 

Find time to unwind and take breaks from watching, listening, or reading troubling news storiesConnect with your local community or faith-based organizations, and get involved in ways to give backFind support in friends and familyGetting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet, and exercising are much easier said than done, particularly in times of high tress. Give yourself the space and time to manage each new stressor in your own way – including time for acceptance and vulnerability

Think heart disease can’t happen to you? Think again. Here are a few case studies from Dr. Crousillat:
 
Anna: A 60 year-old woman, wife, entrepreneur, and mother of two children, 24 and 26 years old, who developed nausea, vomiting, and discomfort in her chest during a typical morning workout. She called her husband, who promptly took her to the nearest emergency room, where she was diagnosed with a complete blockage of her right coronary artery requiring emergent placement of two stents. 
 
Andrea: A 28-year-old single mother, with a recent pregnancy complicated by pregnancy-associated high blood pressure, developed sudden onset chest discomfort radiating to her jaw. This occurred while breastfeeding her 2-week-old daughter in the middle of the night. The pain would not abate after anti-acids and a hot bath so she presented to the emergency room. She was diagnosed with spontaneous coronary artery dissection, a type of heart attack that affects mostly young women. 
 
Olivia:  A 45-year-old woman, full-time lawyer and traveling enthusiast developed progressive shortness of breath with daily physical activities and noticeable swelling of her ankles. She consulted with her primary care physician who ordered an ultrasound of the heart (echocardiogram). This test showed her heart muscle was fatigued and pump function reduced. She was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. She had two maternal aunts and a sister with congestive heart failure in their 50s. 
 
The following are some misconceptions worth knowing:

Heart disease is a disease of old men only! Truth: Heart disease is the leading cause of death for women and supersedes breast cancer as cause of death. Women have atypical symptoms of heart attack. Truth: Most women still primarily present with chest pain (just like men), pressure, or discomfort, but additionally are more likely than men to have other symptoms including nausea, indigestion, shortness of breath, and fatigue.Pregnancy complications such as pregnancy associated high blood pressure or diabetes do not pose women at risk for long term heart problems. Truth: Pregnancy complications such as high blood pressure during pregnancy are linked to increased risk of coronary artery disease, heart failure, and heart disease. 

What does Dr.Crousillat recommend?

Recognize heart disease as the leading cause of death among all women.Know the symptoms of heart disease.Know your family history and that it could have an important impact on yours too.Tell your primary provider about your reproductive health, which has important implications for your long-term heart health.

 
Let’s take care of ourselves and each other.

Dr. Crousillat has been nominated by the American Heart Association as a 2023 Leader of Impact for Tampa Bay. She is dedicating her campaign to the over 1000 women lost every year to heart disease complications related to pregnancy. Funds will help to support local programs in the highest risk communities in Tampa Bay. If you would like to donate, here is the QR code: 

Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

A Week of Mayhem and Chaos

Saturday, October 7

As usual, I wake up Saturday morning intent on completing my massive To-Do list. 

And then my brother rings my doorbell and stridently orders me to turn on the television. 

And in that moment, the earth beneath my feet shifts. 

Hamas attacks Israel 

Hundreds kidnapped

Hundreds murdered

Mass chaos 

Massive damage 

All of us are familiar with the cycle of violence in the Middle East, but this newest incident has encompassed barbaric behavior not seen since the Holocaust.  

Agonizing hours later, my husband and I finally hear from our brother-in-law that all of our 30 plus family members living in Israel are safe for the time being. 

Sunday Oct 8

Like the assault on our capital on January 6, 2021, the immediate news flashes are so shocking that it is hard to think beyond the immediate moment. As the hours pass, however, disturbing questions emerge:

      How could Israel intelligence have not known in advance about Hamas’s murderous plans to descend on Israel by motorcycles, by boats, by vans and by motorized hang gliders, etc.?

Was it complacency or carelessness or betrayal of trusted sources?

Innocent women, babies, elderly and disabled were pulled brutally from their homes on Shabbat to be held hostage in Gaza. This is  eerily close to the date of the Yom Kippur War 50 years ago. How could this be? 

How many of our American citizens are being held hostage or have been murdered? 

Just before bed I learn:

Israel has formally declared war on Hamas militants in Gaza

Monday, October 9, 2023

At 7 am on Sunday morning, terrorists in Hamas military pick-up trucks were seen approaching the site of the Supernova music festival, billed as “a journey of unity and love”. Shooting began. Many concert goers were captured, raped, bound and kidnapped. Two hundred sixty concert goers were slain. 

As hours pass on Monday, shocking details of concert goers horrific experiences begin to surface. 

Hmmm…. I feel an urge to take action – to show solidarity.

Should I go to Fast Signs and have a slew of signs made up proclaiming:

WE STAND WITH ISRAEL

Place them in my yard?

Pass out to friends and family and neighbors?

“We live on a busy corner – wouldn’t that be an awesome show of solidarity?” I excitedly ask my husband. 

He vehemently nixes my idea. 

Part of me is angry at him, 

but a small part of me is relieved.

What vengeance could be released on us personally?

Maybe it’s not such a great idea. 

Netanyahu is threatening massive vengeance. 

Will other countries whose citizens have been taken hostage join forces with the United States to get them back?

Tuesday, October 10

I attend a solidarity gathering of the Tampa Jewish Community. 

The message: Our hearts are shattered as we continue to watch our brothers and sisters in Israel in the midst of war… we come together to support Israel.

Rabbis, dignitaries and representatives of Jewish organizations speak, sing and pray with the capacity crowd of 1000 people gathered together. Gary Gould, Chief Executive Officer of the Tampa JCC and Federation, as always, speaks wisely and eloquently. His closing remarks are succinct and direct:

Am Israel Chai

The People of Israel Live

Wednesday, October 11

I hear a harsh pounding on my front door 

Glass shatters 

Footsteps – so many footsteps – pound on my wooden stairs 

I jump out of bed and cower in my closet 

Violently armed and scary looking men pull me out of my hideaway and hurl me – footless and braless – down the stairs and into the black night….. 

Startled, I wake up awash in sweat and tears, heart pounding. Sunshine is pouring through my windows and all is as it should be.

I realize it was a dream. A bad nightmare.

But for far too many, it is reality. 

Too many have already been taken in just this manner. 

Reports of heroism among the Israelis begin emerging. 

President Biden pledges our country’s full support.

Thursday, October 12

What can we do?

Gary Gould provides an answer:

Donate

Educate ourselves

Correct social media misinformation

Visit Israel when it is safe

Give blood

Don’t participate or join counter protest events organized by individuals and groups who support the terrorists

Be safe, be strong and live your life

My brother-in-law in Israel provides an answer:

Contact the International Red Cross and demand that they visiraeli hostages who include the elderly, women, children and infants. Reports of rape, torture, abuse and brutality are rampant. Demand that the IRC does its job.

https://www.icrc.org/en/contact#media-contacts 

And Shuly Rubin Schwartz, chancellor of JTS, provides an answer:

Let us pray: May we and the inhabitants of the State of Israel live to see the day when mourning will again turn into dancing, sackcloth into robes of joy.   

This week? Pretty hard to Keep Preserving Your Bloom, but praying for peace. 

Iris Ruth Pastor

I Did A Hurtful Thing

Last week I ran an old column but updated friends’ names in one part of it. I later realized I had done the many, many friends in my personal orbit a disservice by not acknowledging them and the pivotal position they too hold in my life. 
 
I am a lucky person.
I started out with an awesome female support system of women.
 
My maternal grandmother, my aunt and my mom

And then I was lucky enough years later to be given the best gift of all: a baby sister – who since her birth has filled my life with frivolity and zest.



That is in no way denigrating the roles of the men in my life – beginning with my father, my brother, my two husbands (not at the same time!) and my five grown sons. 
 
Now I have nieces, nephews, grandsons and granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters-in law, brothers-in-law, cousins and extended family. I am blessed.
 
But today, this column is about the females in my life that I am not related to by blood – an unusually large cache of friends that I can call on for advice, bitching opportunities and constructive feedback. 

It started with my next door neighbor Jeanie when I was three years-old and looked up to her as the wisest in the world because she was six months older than me.

When a new lunch place opens, I know who to call for their opinion on just what appetizer to order. 
When I am getting too rigid in my thinking, I know who to call to set me straight and tell me to lower my expectations.
When I need to vent about certain family members who are capable of driving me nuts, I know who to call to get a reality check and a reminder that I am once again over personalizing and being way too sensitive. 
 
For advice,
For mentoring,
For guidance,
For playfulness,
For fashion savvy (panty hose vs bare leg?),
For diet secrets (Yasso Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bars),
For leg cramps (Hyland Leg Cramps),
For minimizing enlarged facial pores (NYX Pore Filler available at Walgreens), 
For removing red ink from a white linen blouse,
For camouflaging dark, under eye circles 
(Orogold 34K Wrinkle Solution),
It’s always been, and I hope it will always be, my circle of friends.
 
When I misplaced my mother-in-law’s recipe for brisket, a friend reminded me of the secret ingredient: a can of Classic Coke.
 
When I mess up on my new project, a friend will say, “Don’t worry – it happens to the best of us – let’s talk it through.”
  
Who else but a friend would introduce me to the coolest chick on Instagram? Alethea Crimmins. 
 
Who selects the books I will enjoy and nixes the ones I won’t? (The latter is The Covenant of Water by Abraham Verghese. The former is The Magnificent Lives of Marjorie Post by Allison Pataki.
 
Who comes up with the very best verbiage when I need some encouragement? A friend, who recently emailed me: “Your bright and bold personality is the icing on your never-ending creative cake.”
 
What’s the next binge-watching series not to be missed? Ask a friend. (I’m now watching all 12 seasons of “The Midwife.”)
 
Should I or shouldn’t I go gray? A friend will level with you. Mine said, “Absolutely NOT!!!”
 
Who dares to tell me I need a more high-powered make-up mirror to get control over all those black pesky chin hairs? 
 
And who dares to remind me – once again – to chew with my mouth closed and swallow before talking? 
 
Yep. A friend. 
 
To the friend who always blesses me
To the friend who shops wth and for me
To the friend who keeps me organized 
To the many friends who accept I’m a great texter, but a horrible telephoner
I love you all.
     The ones who live near
     The ones who live far
     The ones I connect with daily
     Or don’t connect with for months
 
No matter.
I am in your corner.
You are in my corner.
 
Whether it’s an earth-shattering or a mundane day, the friends in my life are the backbone of my existence. 
 
They are the people I count on for honesty, integrity, loyalty and engagement. 
 
You know who you are and I simply could not thrive and survive without you. 

Here are some of you:

 
You truly keep me Preserving My Bloom,
 
 

What do you do when you fall short?

I used to think the key to happiness was having hair like my friend Rella’s. She has masses of sun streaked, golden curls that frame her face in a wild, beautiful way. So I bleached my hair, permed my hair and tried to force my hair into framing my face in a wild and beautiful way. Just like Rella’s. It didn’t work.

So I’ve learned to accept.

I used to think the key to happiness was having closets as neat and orderly as my mom’s. Her towels are folded and lined up in perfect rows, by color and size. Canned goods are regularly routed so that the same can of Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup doesn’t occupy the same spot in the back of the shelf for three years running. So I organized my linens, my purses, my pantry and my kids’ summer clothes. Just like my mom’s. It worked, but it didn’t stay that way.

So I’ve learned to accept.I used to think the key to happiness was making a decent living. The money comes in regularly and gets deposited in a timely fashion in a balanced (well, some of the time) checking account. The only trouble is that as quickly as it comes in, it goes out – to the cleaners and the grocers and the orthodontist and the shoe store – sometimes even in larger amounts than what came in. Uh Oh.

So I’ve learned to accept.

I used to think the key to happiness was losing weight and having the skinniest possible body my bone structure would realistically allow. The only trouble is that in order to maintain the skinniest possible body my bone structure would realistically allow, I had to eat the least amount possible in order to maintain it.. I decided five pounds and padded hips was better than constant gnawing hunger.

So I’ve learned to accept.

I used to think the key to happiness was driving the kind of car you really wanted in the color you really wanted. And then my husband bought me just that car. The only trouble is that even when driving just the car I wanted, in the exact color I wanted, I noticed a strange thing. It hasn’t prevented me from being impatient at long red lights, irritated at traffic tie-ups on the expressway and highly frustrated over having to retrace my footsteps back from my job downtown because I forgot my purse on the kitchen table.

So I’ve learned to accept.

I used to think the key to happiness was to be soft spoken and calm and use nonjudgmental, tasteful words – just like my mother-in-law. The only problem was that my thoughts were hyper, judgmental, off color and passionate. I started suffering from migraines and unexplained and untimely stomach upsets. I decided honest, spontaneous expression (and passion) was better for my health.

So I ‘ve learned to accept.

I used to think the key to happiness was being as creative as my friend Pam, as optimistic as my friend Julie and as unencumbered as my friend Sherry.

I used to think the key to happiness was being as free as my friend Francine, as kind and caring as my friend Gloria, and as generous as my friend Laurin.

But I’ve found, even when I have occasional spurts of creativity, optimism, freedom, kindness and caring, happiness can still prove short-lived and illusory.

So I’ve learned to:
          give up on the hair and neat closets
          cherish the pay check even when it falls short
          celebrate the body
          enjoy the car
          resign myself to my own individual personality

And acknowledge what I’ve intuitively known all along: that the key to happiness is simply TO ACCEPT.

Keep Preserving Your Bloom,

This column was written many, many years ago, adjusted with minor updates – and the bulk of it remains true.

The Smoothie That Everyone Hates But Me!

Okay. No preamble today. Right into it.
I tackled a recipe I found on the Internet: 
A cottage cheese smoothie
Created by ME

 
Ingredients:
     1/2 cup cottage cheese
     I frozen banana (partially thawed)
     1 tsp. of ground cinnamon
     I scoop of Purely Inspired Organic Protein Powder (vanilla flavored). 

Blend all together in a Nutri Bullet until it is fully blended.
And enjoy!
Except nobody does, except ME!
 
Why am I bringing this up at this particular juncture? 
 
Because, just recently, the Wall Street Journal ran a feature on cottage cheese with the following headline:

Whey Cool: Gen Z
Discovers Cottage Cheese

The lumpy white curds are now the new “it” food and are being incorporated into ice cream, cookies, pasta sauces, dips and pancakes. Lainie Kates, a holistic health coach, posted a recipe for ice cream on Tik Tok that garnered over a million views. It’s secret ingredient? Cottage cheese!

It may have been our grandmother’s go-to diet food and a mainstay in menus in assisted living facilities all across the country, but cottage cheese is now hitting the charts as an easy way to increase protein intake among fitness gurus. 

Is cottage cheese suddenly getting sexy?
Is cottage cheese really that versatile?
I decided to find out for myself.
 
I tackled a recipe for cookies made from cottage cheese that I found on the Internet.

Ingredients  

·       ▢ 1 cup 4% milkfat cottage cheese, I used whole milk Good Culture cottage cheese
·       ▢ ¼ cup pure maple syrup
·       ▢ 1 teaspoon vanilla
·       ▢ 1 cup almond flour
·       ▢ 2 Tablespoons melted coconut oil
·       ▢ ½ cup vanilla protein powder
·       ▢ ½ cup chocolate chips, plus more for topping

How to Make

This cottage cheese cookie recipe is pretty straightforward, but I did NOT find it particularly easy to make!

Start by preheating your oven to 350°F and lining a baking sheet with parchment paper. In a blender, add the cottage cheese, maple syrup and vanilla and blend on high until smooth.

In a medium mixing bowl combine the almond flour and protein powder. Then add the coconut oil and cottage cheese mixture and stir until combined. Gently fold in the chocolate chips.

Scoop the dough onto the prepared baking sheet using a medium cookie scoop and use your hands to flatten the cookies just a bit so they’re in a cookie shape. You can also roll the cookie dough into a ball and then use your hand to flatten for a more uniform shape.

Top the cookies with a few more chocolate chips and bake for about 15-16 minutes or until the bottom of the cookies are golden brown.

Let cool for a few minutes on the baking sheet then transfer to wire racks to cool completely. Enjoy!

(See below for more detailed information on Cottage Cheese Cookies before baking.)
https://www.eatingbirdfood.com/cottage-cheese-cookies/

I made them one Sunday afternoon when I had nothing better to do. 

Three adjustments:

I had to add more cottage cheese of a moister variety than what the recipe called for because the batter was way too dry.I had to flatten the cookies out with a spatula before baking.I had to bake them twice as long as the recipe called for.

 
Here’s my finished product.
 

 
 
My husband loved them. 
I thought they were tasteless. 
Go figure.
 
I think I’ll just stick to my cottage cheese smoothies.
 
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
 

The Significance of September

For years, September to me meant Change – a new page in the book of my life. 

First, I was a school kid with skinny legs and knobby knees running for the bus with my ponytail flying in the wind. 

Each September my teachers changed and my grade level accelerated. But the two people who greeted me at the end of my first day of school every year were always the same: my mother and my grandmother. 

Then I grew up and my perspective about September underwent another sea change.

There were the tears – whoops, I mean years – that I thought would go on forever – when I sent my own little kids off to school in September – initially in car pools, then on big yellow school buses and then, when they turned 16, driving in one of our family cars. Even though their grade in school, their teachers, and the schools they attended all changed in September, I was always there to see them off to school and to welcome them home. (One of my fondest memories is of my son, Sam, upon seeing my smiling face greeting him at the front door as he breezed in from school, say, “Gee, Mom, do you ALWAYS have to be here when I get home?”)

September had a cruel side to it too. My beloved grandmother died in September – just as those luscious green leaves began to turn a crusty orange and gold. And years later, our family lost our iconic patriarch – my dad – and my first cousin lost her oldest son – all in September too.

The years roll by. Now my children send their children off to preschool, kindergarten, elementary, middle and high school. And my feelings about September have shifted yet again.

So many days I have spent trying to clear the clutter of my life in order to find a clearer path. So many days I have spent feverishly pursuing my to-do list – oblivious to the many pleasures and much good fortune I already possessed. 

Tonight, at sundown, is the beginning of the Jewish New Year – Rosh Hashanah – a holiday filled with joy, reverence for renewal and wishes for sweetness in the year 5784.

This Rosh Hashanah, I’m feeling a turn in my attitude away from loss and nostalgia and toward gratitude, serenity and acceptance – another significant change occurring in September.

We as Jews go to the synagogue. We pray. We indulge in festive meals. We eat challah round in shape, dip apples in honey and exclaim over the chicken soup and brisket. That too is a change – a change in pace from our normal scrounged together dinners, eaten without our families surrounding us and then quickly finished so we can hurriedly tackle the next task on our ever-burgeoning to-do list.

May we all – Jews and non-Jews – take time out this September – to set aside precious moments to dine together, break bread together, discourse and discuss together. And of course, wish each other days filled with abundance, good health and many blessings.

Keep Preserving Your Bloom

Iris Ruth Pastor 

Who hasn’t gotten mad at their kids, yelled at their husband, neighbor or co-worker and endured an occasional dark and dismal day?
 
I certainly have! But in spite of it all, I have found profound happiness at every stage and at every age in my life.
 
It all involves being the best version of yourself. And I can show you how to find that magic inside you that will allow you to live the life you crave. 
 
Join me on November 8.