Rania Mallouk's Blog, page 2

A Mother’s Never Ending Love Story

To all the children, young and old…this is for you, love Mom[image error]

With your birth my world turned upside down,

and with each breath you took, my heart skipped around.

For years I held you when you cried and kissed you when you slept,

yet you’ll never know how many days that I wept.

In happiness, in sadness, and in fear,

the tears that fell for you my dear.

For I prayed that you would live a life of gladness,

never filled with a day of sadness.

But I knew that life would one day cause you to fall

and that I couldn’t protect you from it all.

So I made a vow to teach you how to stand tall,

and I watched from a distance at times when I wanted to call.

With each passing year your love and kindness continued to shine

and I smiled as I knew that you would survive the test of time.

Even when the distance between us is great,

you’ll still feel my presence in all your weight.

My laughter will fill your ear,

and my love will always be clear.

So remember this my dear,

my love is never ending because my heart will always be near.

 

The #1 Reason Why Women Appear to Age Faster Than Men

One word: MAKEUP.  Now, before you go and throw away all of your eye shadows and highlighters and concealers, hear me out.  And before I get emails and lawsuits from makeup companies for defamation, hear me out.  It’s NOT the makeup itself, nor am I against wearing makeup (yes, I wear it, too and enjoy it) – it’s more about WHAT the makeup tries to hide that is the culprit.  Millions of women buy make up every day to help them cover something up, help them accentuate something, help them elongate something and because of that, they become hypersensitive and hyperaware of the things that are “wrong” with their faces when they are without makeup.

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Makeup has its place, believe me.  It can help dress up an outfit, it can help make a woman feel more confident, it can even help to cover acne or facial scars.  But at the same time, it causes women to “AGE” because instead of embracing the natural changes of one’s face with the test of time, women are often taught that to age is unbecoming, or not as beautiful as a young, flawless and youthful appearing face.  Women are often too afraid to go fresh-faced because they do not want others to see their dark circles or their tired eyes or their “oversized” noses or their unkept eyebrows (see the image above on the left without makeup…tired eyes, nonexistent eyelashes, extremely untamed eyebrows). Therefore, when women are photographed WITHOUT make-up on, they often LOOK OLDER than if they had makeup on in the first place (check out any female celebrity whose picture is often taken with and without makeup and the onslaught of negative comments she gets for appearing older and not as attractive WITHOUT her makeup on).  It’s a double-edged sword, and it typically only affects women.  Men for the most part do not wear make-up so when photos are taken of them in their natural state there are no majorly glaring differences seen from one “made-up” photo to one without the added affects of makeup.  This is where I believe women tend to “age” faster than men.

If we are used to seeing a man at the age of 20 without makeup and then again at the age of 40 (once again without makeup), we do not notice the “tired” eyes or the dark circles or the oversized nose because those things were never hidden (or made to appear differently) from when they were 20.  Now, for that same 20 year old woman who is constantly wearing makeup and constantly highlighting and concealing and elongating and defining, when she has her picture taken at 40 (or even while she is still 20) without those same effects of the makeup, she often APPEARS older.  And not only does she personally pick apart her fresh-faced image, so do others, and often time, so does society. It ends up being a difficult and often painful cycle that women go through and so they continue to wear the make-up and continue to overly analyze their need for a more youthful appearance.  It also doesn’t help that all marketing around fine lines, laugh lines, wrinkles and everything else is most often targeted at WOMEN only.  It’s as though aging for a female is detrimental to her existence while men do not bear the same cross.  They become more classic, more revered as they age while women are not afforded the same praise.

WE are all beautiful in our natural states; however, as women, we must learn to embrace our fresh faces WITHOUT constantly trying to change our appearances with makeup.  We must learn to embrace our looks rather than comparing ourselves to models or celebrities or magazine pictures of “perfection.”  Makeup has a place and I’m not saying it should be removed from our daily routines, all I’m saying is let’s learn to embrace our NATURAL facial features so that as we do age (which unfortunately is the natural order of things), we do it gracefully and without remorse.

Lies People Tell You about Losing Weight

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Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

If losing weight were easy, everybody would be doing it.  There would be a magic pill that ACTUALLY worked.  There wouldn’t be fad diets or fad slimming-teas or fad miracle waist-cinchers.  But losing weight ISN’T easy nor is there a one-size fits all approach to dropping those extra few ponds – no matter what anyone tells you.  But no one talks about that.  No one talks about the time and effort and commitment it takes to shed the weight.  Nor does anyone necessarily talk about how they lost the weight.  All we usually see are gimmicks and one-liners on how EASY it is.  Wanna lose 10 lbs, no problem (drink this tea).  Wanna get to half your size, easy-peasy (eat this magical lollipop).

I understand that weight loss is a touchy subject and by no means am I discounting the need to lose weight to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  What I DO want to discuss is that it takes a positive mental attitude and approach to CREATING A LIFESTYLE so that you can get to your ideal weight safely and without pulling out all of your hair.  First things first – just like anything in life – you have to WANT to lose weight for the RIGHT reasons.  Changing your approach to your eating habits, gym habits, health and wellness habits cannot come from a place of negativity and societal pressure.  The desire to become a healthier you has to come from within, it has to be built upon a strong foundation rooted in creating the healthiest version of yourself.  If this is the category you are currently sitting in, then buckle up and get ready to hear what no one else is telling you…cause in my world, honesty is the best policy.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

THERE IS NO MAGIC PILL (OR TEA OR LOLLIPOP OR WAIST TRIMMER) TO LOSING WEIGHT.  Did I say that loud enough?  You cannot attempt to keep the pounds off simply by relying on a pill-a-day program…it won’t work. Losing weight is possible if you put in the necessary time and effort.  You don’t have to uproot your entire eating regimen or start working out for 90 minutes a day, every day.  But you do have to sit down with yourself and have an in-depth discussion around what you are going to CHANGE so that you can see the lasting results that you are looking for.  The equation is easy – calories burned must be greater than calories consumed.  Make sense?  You have to eat fewer calories than the amount of calories you burn through exercise.  That does NOT mean starve yourself.  That does NOT mean cut out all carbs.  That does NOT mean you will never have a cheeseburger or French fries or dessert ever again.  Can I get a sigh of relief?!

But, you DO have to take a look at your diet.  You DO need to eat fewer high calorie, high fat, low nutrient-rich foods and start eating more wholesome, more nutrient-dense, more filling foods.  You can be a meat eater, a vegetarian, a vegan – it DOESN’T matter.  Find what works for you and run with it.  Try to eat clean (meaning nutrient-rich foods) 80% of the time.  IF that seems like a stretch, then start at 60% of the time and work yourself up.  Do NOT deprive yourself of treats…if you do, you will FAIL miserably.  Simply start eating those types of things (cookies, cakes, ice-cream, bread, etc) in MODERATION. As for what types of foods to eat, or what types of meals to make, go online – there are plenty of healthy recipes that are free for the making.  If you don’t know where to start, then consult with someone who can help you put a plan together – a friend, a nutritionist, a trainer.  You don’t have to do this alone.

Secondly, you cannot expect to lose weight and become healthy without doing some form of exercise.  As I said earlier, you do not have to go all crazy and start spending every waking minute at the gym.  If you have been a couch potato for awhile, then make sure to start slowly.  Go for a walk, do squats while watching tv, meet a friend for a date at the basketball court and just shoot around.  As you begin to increase your stamina and your ability to exercise, then you can start implementing more rigorous training routines.  If you are already doing some form of exercise and not seeing results then it’s time to switch up what you are doing.  Try HIIT exercises, or start incorporating weights into your workout.  IF you’re ready to go the extra mile but want someone who is knowledgeable in fitness to help you, then invest in a trainer.  They are well worth the money and they can hold you accountable to what you are trying to accomplish.  Whatever form of exercise you are employing, make sure to enlist the help of a friend, or a family member, or a significant other to help CHEER you on along the way.  Rather than going it alone, try having someone in your corner who will be there to help you when you want to quit, who will be there to celebrate your wins, and who will be there when you stumble back into old habits along the way.

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Lastly, please, please, please, remember that results will NOT be attained overnight.  Rome was not built in a day nor will your ideal body be created overnight.  It will take dedication, consistency, sacrifice, and determination to achieve your health and wellness goals.  But you CAN do it.  You CAN eat healthier, you CAN exercise, you CAN become the best version of yourself.  Stick with it.  It will be hard at times, but it will be worth it in the end.  It will be painful at times, but it will be worth it in the end.  It will challenge you at your core, but YOU ARE WORTH IT in the end!

Learning to Forgive

Per Webster-Merriam, to forgive means to “stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw or mistake.” The dictionary goes on to define additional definitions for the word, yet it doesn’t explain to us HOW we are to forgive.  It doesn’t give us a roadmap on the WAYS to forgive others, or even more so, how to forgive ourselves.  It doesn’t teach us the BENEFITS of forgiving those who have wronged us, nor dose it highlight the DOWNFALLS of holding on to the anger and hatred brought about from the injustice.  As humans it is not an easy endeavor to forgive someone who has hurt us, or lied to us, or offended us, or even abandoned us.  Nor is it easy to forgive OURSELVES, something that is necessary if we are to move on from our own past failures or missteps.

When we are wronged, a memory is forged into the depths of not only our brains, but also of our hearts and souls. We feel every cut and burn of the memory and so we quickly build a barrier around our hearts to insulate and protect ourselves from the pain of the injustice.  Everything reminds us of that pain – a song, a smell, a location – and we feel trapped by it, unable to run away from the memory.  Forgiveness in and of itself is so far from our thoughts that we can’t even fathom the idea of forgiving the other person for the pain they put us through.  We can’t even put together the necessary thoughts or words to explain why we can’t forgive them.  All we know is that it takes all of our energy, all of our being, to simply survive the pain itself; therefore, it feels IMPOSSIBLE to even consider forgiving them.

But all that energy that consumes us begins to eat away at our own existence.  It keeps us from living life to our fullest potential, it keeps us from enjoying all that is around us, and it keeps us from moving forward in our lives.  It isn’t silent, either…that energy emanates from us in our thoughts, our words, and our actions.  Either consciously or subconsciously that negative energy lingers upon our daily breath.  We cannot seem to distance ourselves from the pain, and instead of freeing ourselves from it, we try to bottle it up and hold on to it, rather than throw it away.

As time passes we begin to weaken from carrying the load of the past and we search for ways to ignore or forget what was or who was the cause of our burden.  We begin to realize that we can no longer carry the weight and look for ways to rid us of the negative energy.  WE cannot fully overcome our pain if we do not look to forgive the person who wronged us.  WE must set aside our ego, and we must ignore the thoughts and opinions of those around us, in order to fully forgive the person who hurt us.  In order to move on with our own life, fully and without any strings, we must learn to FORGIVE.  It doesn’t mean we forget what had happened, but it does mean we move on from the memory of the pain and begin to live our lives with a little more bounce in our step and a little less worry on our hearts.

It isn’t easy by any means, and it definitely takes time, but it is necessary to learn to forgive if we hope for an existence that is filled with internal peace and joy.  The burden of carrying around with us the anger, sadness, confusion, and whatever else that comes with the pain begins to feel lighter because we start to see more of the sunshine that is around us, more of the flowers that are in bloom, and more of the love that is emanating from ourselves and others in our lives.  We begin to enjoy the new memories we are creating in hopes that they will continue to buoy us in times of trouble or darkness.  But we also know that in order to survive, in order to thrive, we must always continue to forgive and move on…the question is, are you ready to forgive?

 

It’s 2019: Here’s to a Better Version of YOU

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It’s that time of year again, the time where we all make new year’s resolutions that we swear we won’t break.  It’s that time of year where we all start thinking of ways to make our lives better, our bodies healthier, our friendships stronger.  Yet, it won’t take that much time before these resolutions are a thing of the past, something we no longer pay much attention to or focus on because life gets in the way once again.

What if we stopped making New Year’s resolutions and instead focused our time and energy on ways to continuously make ourselves better throughout the year, rather than all at once?  What if we found ways to take what we already have and focus on fine tuning it instead of trying to start over from scratch?  We often hear people wanting to try a new fad diet or start a new outlook on life without ever having a plan in place or a real reason as to why they want to do those things or make those significant changes in the first place. And then when they give up on those resolutions they wonder why they didn’t work.

We are more successful at making changes when they are done purposefully and over time.  To see a goal or dream come to fruition we must put a plan in place, we must outline the steps it will take to achieve that plan, and then we must put together a realistic timeline on when we would like to accomplish that goal (it doesn’t have to be an immediate success, time is not of the essence, accomplishing the goal is).  By focusing on ways to improve upon ourselves in incremental steps we are more likely to accomplish what we have set our sights on and we are less likely to fail, or to give up.  Bettering ourselves should be done over time as it is impossible to become a new person overnight.  With time we learn more about ourselves, about what we need to work on, about what we need to change, and about what we need to amplify.  With the start of every year we are given the greatest blessing of all – that of LIFE.  It is up to us to use our god-given talents to transform ourselves into the best versions of who we are meant to be. By taking the time to look internally we are better setting ourselves up for success rather than failure.  By understanding the why behind the change we desire, we are more likely to understand the need for the change and therefore, are more likely to succeed in our endeavor.

It is now the first day of 2019 and we are all contemplating what we need to change, what we need to improve, what we need to get rid of…my ask of you is: what are YOU working on to become a better version of YOURSELF?

Why we should LOVE like a Child

Have you ever asked your child (or a friend’s child) how he or she defines the word “Love?”  I recently asked my two sons what they thought love meant, and what they wrote did not surprise me, because it came straight from their hearts, free of preconceived notions or societal definitions.  They used words like “kindness,” “caring,” “helping,” and “forever” to define what love meant to them. It was very simplistic and to the point.  There were sentences and lists to further explain what they meant by their definitions, yet nowhere on their notepads were there asterisks highlighting that what they were saying DIDN’T apply to EVERYONE…there were no footnotes that called out who their love did not apply to.  Their love was encompassing of all things and people, not just reserved for a select few.

I point this out because we should only be so lucky to love one another as though we were still children.  I say this because the word LOVE has become tainted as we have aged.  As adults we often say we LOVE one another, or ourselves, yet we do not do so unconditionally, we do it CONDITIONALLY.  We hold grudges, we refuse to forgive, we play coy with one another; therefore, not truly loving each other or ourselves.  This false emotion plays out daily in our interactions with one another and in the way we talk to ourselves.  Yet we often question why the world is filled with so much hatred, injustice, racism, you name it.  It is because we have forgotten how to love like a child – simply, blindly, wholeheartedly.

Could you imagine what our world would be like today if we loved one another like a child loved his or her pet or friends or parents?  Our hearts would be filled to the brim and our emotions would equally match that overflowing joy.  We would be less likely to hold onto our anger, our prejudices, or our sadness.  Our eyes would be filled with joy, our voices filled with song, our minds filled with positive thoughts.  We would walk with a skip in our step, talk with a song on our lips, love with a dance in our heart.

Perhaps we would even learn to look past our differences and instead of holding them against one another we would use them to learn from one another.  Perhaps we would not see the color of one’s skin as a barrier but rather as simply a different shade than that of our own, for we would remember that we all bleed the same. Perhaps we would not see differences in our religions or our cultures or our languages and instead see them as stepping stones to becoming more godly, more worldly, more scholarly.

To love like a child means to forgo our biases.  To love like a child means to forgive those who have hurt us.  To love like a child means to see one another as equals.  To love like a child means to simply LOVE.

Are you loving like a child?

 

Why Transformations Should be More than just Physical

You see it all the time – photos and stories showcasing someone’s yearlong journey towards a better body transformation.  Before and after photos of a more slender, or more muscular, body shape.  Then they chronicle how they came to the end of their journey – the sacrifices they made, the time they spent at the gym, the refusal of cake or alcohol.  #TransformationTuesday was born and more and more people shared their physical transformations with the world.  All of which is a good thing – if done properly and for the right reasons.  I’m not here to knock the physical transformation movement, but I am here to question why it is the only movement we tend to highlight.

Why don’t we see more mental, emotional or spiritual transformations?  Why aren’t people excited to share their journeys toward a more abstract, more personal change?  Is it because the physical can be more easily seen?  Or perhaps it is more of a societally accepted growth/development/change? The physical, outward appearance of a person is easily judged since we are bombarded with images of what the “ideal” body looks like.  Fad diets, gym memberships, magazines/fashion houses, New Year’s resolutions are all geared toward our physical existence; therefore, it only makes sense that we as a society would strive for what we are told (or sold) as ideal.

What if we started chronicling our journeys toward mental, emotional or spiritual growth, highlighting the changes we make towards finding ourselves internally?  If we could work more openly on our own personal acceptance, our own personal belief system in ourselves, would we have a more accepting society?  If we each strived to becoming mentally strong, emotionally stable, and spiritually guided, would we be more accepting of one another, less hateful toward one another, and more loving of one another?  If we were to put more effort in the understanding of our feelings and emotions, more effort in the calming of our heart, mind and souls, would we become blind to the differences we have and instead more open to embracing those differences?

I pose these questions to you because I question them myself.  Have I changed enough, matured enough, to transform my own emotional, mental and spiritual wellbeing?  I’m definitely not there quite yet, but I know that 2019 will be a year of many transformations for me.  I look forward to the growth, to the change, to the journey.  What about you?  Will 2019 be the year that YOU start toward an improved mental, physical and spiritual version of yourself?

Leg Day Fun

Raise your hand if you enjoy hitting legs at the gym?  I know I do.  I typically work out the lower half of my body 2-3 times a week.  Not only does this help to keep me strong and healthy, but it also helps to build out my glutes, hamstrings, and quads – all of which are vital muscle groups for us females (men, too!). Having a strong lower half allows us to stay active and physically fit in other areas of our lives as well – running, cycling, playing with our kids, you name it.  Next time you’re unsure of which body part to focus on while at the gym, why not give the following leg exercises a try?  The number of sets and reps is up to you and your comfort/exercise level. If these are new to you, please make sure to have a spotter if necessary.

Above: Wide Stance Squats with Weight.  Depending on your skill set, use an appropriate weight.  Fit are further than hip width apart, slowly lower your bottom and then squeeze on the way up.  Targets: inner thighs, glutes, quads.

Above: Single Leg Deadlift.  Depending on your skill set, use an appropriate weight. Stand on one leg, on the same side that you hold the kettlebell. Keeping that knee slightly bent, bend at the hip, extending your free leg behind you for balance. Continue lowering the kettlebell until you are parallel to the ground, then return to the upright position.  Targets: glutes, hamstrings, adductors.

Above: Box Jumps.  Depending on your skill set, use an appropriate height of jump box.  Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart, at a short distance from the box. When ready to jump, drop into a quarter squat, then extend your hips, swing your arms, and push your feet through the floor to propel yourself onto the box.  Targets: upper and lower body.

Above: Pause squats.  Depending on your skill set, use an appropriate weight.  Stand with feet shoulder width apart.  Engage the core and muscles in the glutes and legs.  Slowly lower your body, keeping your chest up as you descend.  When in a full squat, hold the position for 2-3 seconds (or whatever amount is comfortable for you).  After the pause, push through the soles of your feet and extend to a standing position (do not lock out your knees).  Targets: quads, core, glutes, hammies, lower back, hips.

Above: Single Leg Lunges with TRX band.  Depending on your skill set, do not use TRX band if you have trouble with stability.  With the back foot in the TRX facing down, bend the front leg, putting weight on the TRX. Bend till 90 degrees then raise back up.  Targets: glutes, quads, core.

Are you “Stuck?”

Have you ever felt like you were stuck, unable to move closer toward a goal of yours or on the other hand, further away from a situation you knew was bad for you?  Was it as though you were unable to make a decision one way or another that would have actually MOVED you in a positive direction rather than keeping you in the same place?  I often wonder why we are unable to set ourselves free, unable to put our true wants and needs ahead of what is expected or deemed “right” for us by others.

I have been “stuck” many times in my life – and I imagine that you have, too.  Throughout our childhood and teenage years, and even into adulthood, we seem unable, or unwilling, to throw caution to the wind and go after what we want for ourselves.  Afraid of failing, afraid of disappointing others, afraid of seeming selfish – all of these “fears” are imaginary roadblocks that we place in front of our dreams and aspirations in life.  Selfishness is a term we run from.  Stubbornness seems to be a caveat of being driven.  But when we learn to ignore the haters, ignore the pessimism others have regarding our future, our dreams, and our goals then we can truly “unglue” ourselves and move toward what we want out of life for ourselves.

This is not a selfish act, it is not putting others after our own needs, wants and desires.  Rather, it is creating our best self- one that is driven, committed, on fire, and definitely not “stuck.” But until we learn what drives us, what makes us tick, what pushes us towards our goals in life then we will not try to change, not try to grow, not try to take risks.  Fear holds us back.  Fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of realizing we aren’t who we thought we were.  These fears often result in our unhappiness, in our lack of desire to find our true calling in life.  It then becomes easier to go with the mundane, to lose sight of what we are truly passionate about – that is when we give up on ourselves and in finding our true calling in life.

So, then, how do we know what our true calling is in life?  How do we know when the time is right to get “unstuck?” Personally, I think it happens in many ways: our job no longer brings us joy nor fulfillment, our personal relationships/friendships seem forced or one-sided, our happiness in every day things seems strained/forced.  When these symptoms start to appear, we must take a deep breath and really ask ourselves if we are happy, ask ourselves if we are staying in the same course of action simply because it is easier.  If the answers are yes then we know we aren’t changing our course because we are afraid of rerouting ourselves down an unknown path, afraid that maybe the grass isn’t greener on the other side of that proverbial hill.  But I want to challenge you to think differently, to dream bigger, to envision exactly what it is that you want out of your life.  And once you have a clearer understanding of what it is that you are looking for, I want you to write down what steps you will take to make that dream a reality, I want you to write down a timeline of milestones you want to hit along the way so that you can measure your successes as they occur.  Without proper planning you will not reach the successes that you are capable of…and I know that when you put your mind to something, you are capable of anything.  The question is – do you believe that you are?

Why Memories Hurt…

Have you ever heard a song on the radio or saw an old photo from your teenage or college years and suddenly you were transported back to a particular moment in your life that flooded your brain and heart with such visceral emotion that it caused you to lose your breath?  Or perhaps you’ve caught whiff of a particular scent that reminded you of past adventures and experiences that were a part of your journey towards adulthood?  However you are reminded of your past, do you not sometimes feel a tinge of pain?  Sometimes good, sometimes bad?  But either way, doesn’t your heart squeeze a bit tighter or your breath catch a bit quicker?  Why is it that our memories can “hurt” even when they were good memories?

I’ve tried to figure this out on my own but never seemed to find a good enough answer.  Perhaps our memories are supposed to hurt, supposed to remind us of how precious life truly is?  Maybe it’s a way to keep us grounded, a way to keep us focused on the present so that when it becomes the past, we will treasure the experience even more and keep it forever in our hearts?  I’m not sure if there is a scientific reason to all of this or not, but I am positive that our past will always stay a part of who we are – even if we try to forget them, run away from them, bottle them up, or whatever.  WE are who we are today because of who we were yesterday.

Even when our lives don’t go as planned, even when major life changes occur – both good and bad – those moments will always be a part of who we are, even when we don’t want them to be.  Friendships, relationships, childhood memories will always find a way to warm our hearts or bring a tear to our eyes.  How we respond to those memories depend on what is going on in our life presently.  Perhaps the memories feel painful because they were such a bright spot in our lives, or perhaps they feel painful because they were such a dark spot in our lives.  Either way, the memory is there because it is a part of us, it has shaped us in one way or another.  We cannot undo our past but we can carry it into our future to help keep us human, help keep us aware of where we have been and where we are going.

There are many memories of mine that pop up in the craziest of moments – the scent of wood chips on a summer day remind me of my days at camp, the sound of a song on the radio transports me back to my days in high school, the image of an ultrasound warms my skin as I remember the birth of my boys.  All of these memories are painful in ways that I cannot even begin to describe…and yet, they are beautiful in ways that have enriched my life in more ways than I can count.  But then there are the songs, scents and photos that remind me of so many memories of people and things that I have lost, or that are no longer a part of my life, and my heart hurts a bit.  Yet this pain isn’t one that I can ignore or wish away, because those points of my life have helped shape me into the person that I am today, they have helped me learn about life, and love, and loss in ways that no book or encyclopedia could ever do justice.  The learnings and experiences I have gone through are one of a kind in the sense that they are now written within my DNA, within my very being, and they can never be taken away.  Though they may “hurt,” they are also blessings in disguise as they remind me to never take anything for granted because you never know when the present will become the past…and sometimes we just aren’t ready for our present to become our past.