Annette Batterink's Blog, page 5

Toxic People

Knowledge is power. ~  Francis Bacon

Please share with anyone you think might benefit from the information in this blog post.  More knowledge may have helped me make powerful changes in my life sooner.

* 9 Signs that  a person is toxic

1. They talk more than they listen

2. They are never wrong

3. Drama follows them wherever they to

4. They force relationships

5. Their experience is the standard by which everything should be judged

6. They often lie

7. They lack tact and general courtesy

8. They exhibit controlling behaviours

9. They love to talk about other people

* 9 telltale signs that toxic people are getting the best of you: 

1. You talk about them a lot

2. You lose your temper

3. Your self-esteem dwindles

4. You blame them for your behaviour

5. You dread spending time with them

6. You stoop to their level

7. You don’t set healthy boundaries

8. You resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms

9. Your relationship suffers

The Lord is my light and my salvation whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid?  Psalm 27:1

Even in the tough times of life, I do not need to be afraid.  The Lord is my strength, my Hiding Place, my Rock.

God, who foresaw your tribulation has specially armed you to go through it, not without pain but without stain. ~ C. S. Lewis

Even though God was with me through the storms of life, there are consequences to the neglect of myself physically and emotionally.  

You see, in the final analysis it is all between you and God.  It was never about you and them anyway.  ~ Mother Teresa

God wants to be first in my life.  Walking with Him  leads me into supportive, caring relationships with healthier boundaries.

He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ  Jesus. ~  Philippians 1: 6

God isn’t finished with me yet. The best is yet to come!!

 

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The articles that the two sets of 9 points were taken from:

Morin, Amy. “9 Signs It’s Time to Cut a Toxic Person out of Your Life”. 15 October 2015. Psychology Today.  Web 16 March 2018

Tout, Terran. “9 Signs That a Person is Toxic”. 21 November 2014. Thought Catalog.  Web 16 March 2018

 

 

Life’s Interruptions

 

I feel kind of depressed today…Do you ever have the feeling that life has passed you by?  Worse than that… I sometimes think that life and I are going in opposite directions. ~ Charles M. Schulz   

I find it too easy to form an idea in my mind of what I think my life “should” be like.  One change.from my original plans was obviously a good change.  Growing up, I dreamed of becoming a teacher when I grew up.  However, in my later teens, I decided to go into nursing instead.  My nursing career has been a blessing to me in many ways.  This brief, almost unnoticeable interruption, led me down a  different path.

A life change that was difficult and I still don’t quite understand, was the end of my marriage.  There have been times when moving forward felt more like trudging forward.  The pain and devastation that comes from a broken family has affected us all.  This interruption was a tearing up of “the plan”.  It was a struggle to start over again with purpose.  

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“What one calls the interruptions are precisely one’s real life – the life God is sending one day by day.” ~ C.S. Lewis

Learning to accept the interruptions God sends into my life can sometimes be challenging.  I say that I trust Him, but I want to understand what He is doing and why He is doing it.  Many times I  pray for a glimpse into the future.  I need reassurance that everything is going to be OK.  And…  often God gives me that reassurance.  I am discovering more and more that even when things don’t happen according to MY plan, all is well.

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“The discipline of waiting build character and besides, rushing the process may lead to a path that misses God’s best.”  Dr. Charles Stanley

Waiting  to buy a new home for the children and I after my marriage ended was a difficult time of waiting.  I hoped for a new beginning, but it was a LONG time coming.  I found a house I liked, but it was to expensive and the house we were living in was not selling.  After almost 1 1/2 years, within a week, one house was sold and another house was bought.  We had a new home! The  house that had been too expensive was at a lower price by then.  God was so abundantly GOOD!!

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Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. ~ Hebrews 10:35-36

There have been plans/dreams that God  gives me and then I wait and wait.  Waiting can become and interruption.  It can cause a “pause” in the flow if my life.  However, slowly, life experiences are helping me to live each day as He gives it to me, not matter what I think the future may hold.  Sometimes life seems to progress slowly…. and sometimes I can’t keep up with all the changes.  God’s timing is not my timing— and His ways are not my ways.  May I live for Him each day with joy, knowing that His love for me is intricately woven through the tapestry of my life.

“If you’re God’s child, remember that your story is marching to an end that is glorious beyond the ability of your mind to conceive.” ~  Paul David Tripp

Feel Like Giving Up?

[image error]For a while, I have had  health issues that have made me need to make adaptations to the way I live.  Recently, I thought everything was improving, only to have some symptoms return.  This was challenging for me.

About a week ago, I was listening to Jeremy Camp’s song “He Knows”.  The words that impacted me the most were: “Let your burdens come undone..”  I realized that if I wanted life to feel better, I had to DO something — to somehow change “something”.

“Beware of giving up too soon.  Our emotions are not a reliable guide.” (John Piper).  It is very difficult to have complete control  my emotions.  However, I am more able to control over my actions. I am becoming more aware that my actions can change my emotions.  As I change my focus, my adaptations become blessings because they make life feel better.   I still pray for improvements in my health and for wisdom to make any changes to my lifestyle that might  be helpful.  However, my focus is slowly shifting towards the blessings I have instead of what I don’t have.

1- be confident that whatever is and whatever may be, God will be there.  Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.  Hebrews 4:16

2- give control to God.  The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still.  Exodus 14:14

3- be aware of what my mind focuses on. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

4- trust the future to God   Forget the former things; do not dwell on t.he past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness  and streams in the wasteland.  Isaiah 43:18 

And.. sharing these words by Charles Spurgeon because I couldn’t say it better myself.  “The Christian knows no change with regard to God. He may be rich today and poor to-morrow; he may be sickly today and well to-morrow; he may be in happiness today, to-morrow he may be distressed–but there is no change with regard to his relationship to God. If he loved me yesterday, he loves me today. My unmoving mansion of rest is my blessed Lord. Let prospects be blighted; let hopes be blasted; let joy be withered; let mildews destroy everything; I have lost nothing of what I have in God. He is “my strong habitation whereunto I can continually resort.” I am a pilgrim in the world, but at home in my God. In the earth I wander, but in God I dwell in a quiet habitation. “From Morning and Evening – Feb. 27 (devotional )

A Promise in Troubled Times

He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress and for his children it will be a refuge ` Proverbs 14:26

There are so many times in life when I feel powerless as a parent.  I see the struggles my children go through and some of their situations are made worse because of my actions.  Their challenges are sometimes not that different from what mine have been, but I don’t want them to have those tough expediences.

I noticed the above scripture verse for the first time when my children were already grown.  It was a comfort for me.  It gave me hope that my life had been a benefit to my children in troubling times our family had experienced.  It gives an added dimension  to my role as a parent to my children.

This verse reminds me that my first focus needs to be on my relationship with God. This creates a secure fortress.  I’m not exactly sure how  that translates into making a refuge for my children,  but God’s promises are true and I can trust that He will work that out!!  (I think that I get in God’s way too often).

God loves me and my children more than I could ever imagine.  I can lay my burdens down at His feet and lift my hands in praise.

Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.  Praise the Lord, my soul,  and forget not all his benefits—  Psalm 103:1,2

Coming out of the Dark

There are many situations that can cause darkness in our lives — depression, a sudden life change (death of a loved on, divorce, miscarriage, broken trust, health issues), situations beyond our understanding were we can only say “God is God and I am not”…..

When I was doing research for my book, I found four steps for “coming out of the dark”, and then, in two different articles, found supporting scripture texts for those steps.  I found that those steps fit perfectly into my personal experience.  Finding my “way out” after my divorce was a journey with God.  God, meeting me at the point of my need every step of the way.  And so… I will share.

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 Wait- I will give you treasure of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord the God of Israel, who summons you by name.  Isaiah 45:3.  It was during those dark days of tears, brokenness and despair that God began to pour His love over me by reminding me of times and situations that had been stored inside of me.  He also blessed me when I listened to CDs that I had had for a long time, but now the words were just what I needed to hear.  Time and again, God reminded me that my situation was no secret to Him.  He had put events, people and things into my life for my time of need.  God knew my name– He knew my need.

Cry out for help- I waited patiently for the Lord, He turned to me and heard my cry. Psalm 40:1. Soon, I  wanted to “feel better”.  My head was telling me to “get over it”, but my heart wasn’t ready. Fortunately, I was able to listen to my heart and wait on God.  It was almost six months before I read the words of Isaiah 43: 18: Forget the former things..  and I knew that God was prodding me to start moving forward. During the next season, God placed people and situations in my life that gave me the courage to look at the possibility of a better tomorrow.  Instead of being carried by God, I was trusting that I could walk where He led me.

Count of the Lord to come through- Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble and He saved them from distress and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains. Psalm 107:13-14.  As I walked with Him, God led me into places and situations that were new and challenging. There were tough conversations with loved ones. I learned to let go of someone  I had hoped was part of the long-term plan. I had to re-evaluate my strengths and priorities. I began to see who I was apart from everyone else.   Memories of “distress and gloom” slowly became more  distant. Life became richer and fuller and others began noticing the changes.

Be patient – Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6. As I became more aware of coming out of the darkness, I became more aware of the need to take care of “me”, especially physically.  God had blessed me with His presence, comfort and care which helped me grow in my spiritual life.  Then He had helped me break the chains of distress and deepest gloom, freeing me emotionally.  But God’s “good work” in me also included  my physical being.  Awesome God to care for me in ways I had ignored for a long time.  When He plans a “good work”, He knows all the ingredients that are needed to make it possible

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There were many factors that contributed to the situation I found myself in at the end of my marriage. God worked in powerful ways  as I came out of the darkness.  I learned lessons that will bless me for a lifetime. I’ve needed to apply them again and again as I walk towards that day of completion in Christ Jesus.  With God’s help, it gets easier to focus on the destination as I enjoy the steps of the journey.  Maybe God is whispering:  Go forth and have FUN!!

A New Year

A new year is quickly approaching — 2018!  It seems like only yesterday that I was reading “1984” for English class and 1984 seemed a long way away.  Between then and now my life has had changes, additions, deletions, excitement and despair.  Through it all, my relationship with God has deepened and I seek to know Him more and more.

One challenge that I have is that I try to do TOO much.  It’s important that I learn not to take on more than I can handle.  More importantly, I shouldn’t take on situations that God never intends me to.  Exodus 14:14 says:  “The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still.”  In the stillness, He will lead me and guide me on the paths He chooses for me.  Today I found a list of 9 things that may help me as I try to make some needed changes.

let go — purge  It is important to let go of “stuff”, emotions and even some people that are interfering with my ability to be still.  Things that  interfere with my ability to create a quiet, peaceful atmosphere for myself, inwardly and outwardly

say “no” – Not everything someone asks me to do or every idea that comes to mind needs to be nor should be acted on.  Sometimes using stalling tactics is the best way to handle these situations.  I need to step back and consider before I act or consent to getting involved.

use your calendar –  When I was working shifts and weekends when my children were in school, I sometimes took a morning to read a book.  Later, I took a “rest day” at sometime during the week if I worked the weekend.  But now, with my children grown and working on a casual basis, I sometimes don’t take the break I need, especially the mental break.  I need those times to “be still”.

don’t over commit – There are so many activities to get involved with, especially as a  member of  an active church.  Yes, it’s great to be involved, but I need to know my limits.  For me, it works best to choose one or two weekly activities to be involved with and then “help out” as I can in other areas.

prioritize – This can be a challenge for me.  Often my “to do” list is quite long and I am running out of time before the most important tasks are done.  Clutter makes me feel disorganized, so I should probably start putting things where they belong before I even start on my list.  Everyone’s priorities are different and I think it’s important to respect your own.

use a timer – This is an concept that I will experiment with.  I think that this will be most useful with the way I spend time on social media — or watching TV — or tackling some of the tasks I don’t like doing (break the job into “bite-sized” pieces).

set boundaries – It is so easy for me to be pulled into other people’s situations.  Many times I am probably aware of these mental and physical needs for a reason.  But sometimes, I take on too much.  I feel resentment, tired, overwhelmed, and “not still”.  Maybe I need to pray more and do less.  I definitely need to be aware of whether I am doing what God calls me to do.

delegate – Sometimes I’m not even thinking about what other resources are available for a situation besides me.  Delegation done well can create a team spirit and bless everyone involved.  Delegating frees me to do the things I am meant to do.  When I am doing the things I am meant to do, I will  feel “still” even in a busy situation.

establish habits– My challenge in this area is that I often try to establish habits that don’t fit me.  There are so many ideas out that of what we should do and where we should go and how we should spend our time.  It’s easy to try to follow a plan that doesn’t work.  I want to establish habits that help me love God and my neighbour and that help me “be still”.    Habits that help me “be still” as I care for myself physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Another year is dawning.  My I use it well!!

Please feel free to share your thoughts and ideas in the comments section.  Blessings for a wonderful 2108!!

 

 

 

Christmas – Past and Present

On the first Christmas, long ago, Jesus came to earth.  The angels came and sang the joyful news to lowly shepherds who hastened to Bethlehem to see the baby lying in a manger.  (Luke 2:8-16 & 20).  It’s hard for me to imagine what that night must have been like — an amazing announcement by an angel  followed by a choir of angels.  It must have been so surreal, but still so real.  They were blessed when they responded to God’s prompting and returned from Bethlehem “glorifying and praising God”.  Awesome things  happen when we have the courage to go where God leads and then see His blessings when we look in the rear view mirror.

The first Christmas celebrations that I remember where spent with my parents and siblings — and my church family.  The evening our family opened our gifts also included a little program my siblings and I put on for our parents — a few Christmas carols and some readings.  At church, the Sunday school program was attended by most members of the church — a special event separate from the Christmas service.  My parents immigrated from the Netherlands two years before I was born, so our church family was a precious part of our lives.  Our little “family program” and the Sunday school program helped us focus on the reason for the season.  Our gifts were “things”, time and talents.  It’s a blessing to have this foundation that helps me focus through the busyness and noise.

When my children were little, we always had a dinner for “just us” as well as time spent with extended family.  We had lots of turkey some years.  The year after the end of my marriage, my children and I had a dinner for three.  Keeping that tradition was one of the easiest parts of that Christmas–everything else felt very wrong and broken.  For several years after, Christmas remained a difficult time for our family — but we were still blessed by those dinners.  Some people talk about the importance of creating new traditions after changes.  For us, maintaining an old tradition was meaningful.

This year marks a different challenge.  Busyness with many things and several events happening beyond my control.  I’m needed to walk step-by-step, making choices about how to use my time and who to spend time with.  At first I felt disappointed and overwhelmed.  But, as time goes on, I realize that I am using my time and talents for others. If I am still and let God be God over my days, I am more aware of the reason for the season.  Awesome things happen when I have the courage to go where God leads and then see His blessings when I look in the rear view mirror.  May I go forward, “glorifying and praising God”.

May you and yours be richly blessed at Christmas and all through 2018.

P.S. Christmas dinner at our home was delicious again this year.

 

 

The Treasure of Nature

Creation- “…while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy” – Job 38:7

Reading: Genesis 1 & 2

Digging deeper

Genesis 1: 1-2 says that “in the beginning God created … and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.” John 1: 1-2 tells us that “in the beginning was the Word (Jesus – John 1:14) …He was with God in the beginning. Then Job 38:7 – “the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy”. This gives me an awesome picture of how exciting an event creation was in heaven.

In Job 38 – 41, God speaks to Job about His creation. When reading these chapters, I become aware that He truly does hold the whole world in His hands and that He lovingly cares for the animals. In chapter 41, there is figurative, poetic imagery which reinforces that God’s purposes are supreme, beyond our ability to control, and sometimes beyond our understanding. In Job 39: 1-4, God talks about the birth of a mountain goat. He is intimately aware of what He created these animals to be like.

When God created man, He put man in charge of His creation. In Genesis 1:28 we read: “God blessed them and said to them, ‘…Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves under the ground.” And in Psalm 8: 6-8: “You made them rulers over the works of your hands; you put everything under their feet: all flocks and herds, and the animals of the wild, the birds in the sky, and the fish in the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas.”

Many verses in the Bible remind us of God’s love and care for us through examples from scripture. The lilies don’t toil (Matthew 6:28). We are more valuable than birds (Luke 12:24). We can find refuge under His wings (Psalm 91:4).

Lessons for Living-

“If we are children of God, we have a tremendous treasure in nature and will realize that it is holy and sacred. We will see God reaching out to us in every wind that blows, every sunrise and sunset, every cloud in the sky, every flower that blooms and every leaf that fades, if we will only use our blinded thinking to visualize it.” From Oswald Chambers “My Utmost for His Highest” February 10

In our lives where many of us live in cities and our food is bought off of shelves in a store, I feel many have lost the wonder of all God did for us through the works of His fingers (Psalm 8:3) Through this, we have also lost sight of what we must do as people responsible for God’s creation. In Acts 24: 4, when the believers were giving thanks to God, they started their prayer with these words: “Sovereign Lord…you made the heavens and the earth and the sea, and everything in them.” May we always be aware of the great gift we have!

Wonderful Words

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path ~ Psalms 119:105. This was the verse in my inbox the other morning.  For some reason, the words made my quirky mind think about camping — about taking a walk to a certain destination  in the dark.  Walking with my trusty flashlight, I could see into the distance to vaguely see where I was heading.  The most important thing, though, was to shine the light down, so I could securely take the next step.  God’s word can be like that.  Some verses give me a vision of where I am going and some verses give me the message I need right here and now.

Several years ago, my father wrote a list of the scripture verses that were special to him.  It’s a list I treasure.  So, today, I am sharing  a list of some of the verses that came to mind as I was writing my story – My Tapestry- Experiencing the Love of the Designer.

This first set of verses are for those times when I needed “light at my feet”.

When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.  ~Psalm 94:18

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. ~Psalm 40:1

Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. 

He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness, and broke away their chains. ~Psalm 107: 13-14

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. ~Isaiah 41:10

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. ~ Proverbs 3: 5-6

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” ~ Matthew 11: 28 – 30

 

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This second set of verses help me trust my unknown future.

Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. ~ Psalm 62:8

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye upon you.  ~ Psalm 32:8

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 1:6

 

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” ~ Jeremiah 17: 7-8

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~ Jeremiah 29:11

And, finally, my “life verse”:

Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. ~Psalm 23:6

My life’s journey has taken me to across the country and over the mountains. Through the years I’ve learned more life lessons and have found more wonderful truths in God’s word.  God’s word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path – a path that leads to a heavenly destination!!

This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine

This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine

This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine

Let it shine, shine, shine

Let it shine!

 

 

 

 

Love Yourself?

 

 

Dear God,

How do I go on from here? What’s the next step? I know things can’t go on as they are now. I have no room to grow. No one to build me up. I feel drained and defeated, except that I know You are carrying me. Oh God, when is (my husband) going to be able to see beyond himself? When are his needs going to be something I might be able to meet? … There is no happiness. No sense of anticipation about the future. No sense of accomplishment or a job well done.(taken from my book “My Tapestry — Experiencing the Love of the Designer”)

Those words were written during a very difficult time in my life.  A co-dependent has a deep and powerful need to take care of someone else. I didn’t recognize  that I was in a co-dependent relationship.  Co-dependency is defined as the addiction to a supportive role in a relationship.  A behaviour becomes an addiction when other areas of a person’s life suffer as a result.  Addictive behaviours are typically associated with activities that diminish a person’s ability to function.

For seventeen years I tried to do better, to be better, to bring happiness to someone else’ life.  There were times when all was well for a season, but there was no real change in our relationship, so it was inevitable that the hard times would return.  Inevitably, other negative situations became part of our marriage. Eventually, I was counseled to separate myself from the situation which then led to divorce.  With God’s help,  I was able to accept that I needed to learn to care for myself if I was to survive as a person and as a mother to my children.

On my own, I worked through a 12 step program.  I was able to identify five areas that I needed to work on to become a better person. As I allowed God to change me, acceptance came and I set better boundaries in my dealings with others.

Freedom from my marriage wasn’t the “solution” I had been praying for, but I had to trust God and what He had allowed to happen in my life.  There was emotional release after I admitted to myself that I was angry at God. In one book I read the comment, “God didn’t save my marriage, He freed me from it.” God is God and He loved me more than I could ever imagine. God loved me more than He loved my marriage.

After working all that through, I wanted to share my new-found “freedom to be me” with others.  It was very hard when I was attacked by some other Christians for feeling it was necessary to have some focus on loving myself.  I was told I was selfish and that I should be focusing on loving my neighbour.  I shed a few tears, was angry and didn’t know how to respond in a way that explained what I knew was right.

In the following years, I have become more and more convinced that caring for ourselves is part of caring for others.  Learning to care for ourselves – mind – body- spirit – is essential if we are to be all God want us to be for others.  We need to care for ourselves so we can better help others.  God loves us enough to help us become all we are intended to be— because He has a plan and a purpose for our lives.

 

The urgency on you coming to really discover your belovedness is this: someone else desperately needs you to confer a blessing. You can’t do it, so long as there’s a gaping hole in you. Let God love you, for someone else’s sake. Let him love you whole, for them. It’s not selfish. ~Jonathan Martin