Stacy Gold's Blog, page 7
February 3, 2020
ADVENTURE TIME: COLORADO’S TOP 5 STEEP SKIING AREAS
Stacy Gold getting after it at A-Basin ski area in her best spring skiing attire.My Five Favorite Ski Resorts in Colorado for Awesome Steep Skiing
While I enjoy all kinds of ski resorts and areas for a variety of reasons, if I can’t have fresh powder, and it’s not icy, give me steep skiing. Not steep groomers. I’m talking ungroomed, dangerous obstacles exist, 40+ degrees steep inbounds terrain.
Something about the sensation of the controlled fall really does it for me. Always has. Add in a little consequence for spice, and some packed powder for edge control, and I’m a happy skier.
I’ll admit it, I’ve only skied half of the 30 or so ski areas small and large in Colorado. But I’m now in my tenth season of living and skiing here (in two, five-year stints). And I’ve had a season ski pass twenty-eight of the last thirty years at resorts in Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, and Washington. So, I feel I’ve got some pretty solid beta to share on where to find the best steeps to ski.
In no particular order here are my top five resorts for steep
skiing in Colorado.
Arapahoe Basin – A-Basin is smallish, and old school, and 73% black and double black diamond runs. I learned to ski steeps here back in the early nineties. To this day, I still love the way my stomach trades places with my heart every time I drop the big cornice on the backside. Or thread through the trees in the Alleys. If you care more about steep chutes than shopping and dining, A-Basin is for you. But get there early as the parking lots regularly fill up, especially on powder days and in the spring.
Aspen – I’ll admit I’ve never skied Snowmass, but that’s because I can’t seem to leave the steeps at Aspen Mountain (Ajax) and Aspen Highlands. Especially Highlands. If you’re willing to hike the bowl you can enjoy one of the longest, steepest, bestest ski runs outside Jackson Hole (My home for four seasons). And if you prefer a high-end mountain resort with all the amenities, well, it doesn’t get much swankier than Aspen.
Crested Butte – Yes, it’s a drive to the middle of nowhere to reach this resort, but it’s worth it if you like steep, rocky, rowdy slopes. Both the town and the terrain are a little rough around the edges, in the best possible way. I haven’t had the pleasure of skiing there since 1994, but I still have a warm spot for it in my heart. I’m making a plan to get back there this year.
Telluride – Another resort I haven’t made it to since I lived in Colorado in the nineties because it is a haul from the Front Range. But I have fond memories of my trip to Telluride way back when, and the delightful steep skiing to be had. Forty-one percent of the trails there are advanced/expert. If you’re willing to do some hiking, the high alpine terrain is steeper than a cow’s face.
Breckenridge – While this resort is better known for it’s historic mining town and family-friendly slopes, you can find plenty of sphincter-puckering steeps above the groomers. Take the t-bar to the top of Cucumber Bowl for some quick steep shots you can lap all day. Or, once they’re open later in the season, traverse/hike out into the high alpine bowls and get your billy goat on. I love these slopes because they’re so steep and relatively unskied bumps never form. In the spring their buttery faces beg for me to lay down sweet lines.
Honorable mention for steeps goes to little Eldora Mountain Resort outside Boulder, Colorado. The front side is all blue runs with a skosh of fun trees. The backside gets steeper. If you head far skier’s right of the Corona lift, the runs get downright rowdy. As steep, and treed, and bumped as anywhere I’ve ever skied. While there isn’t a ton of variety, and the conditions can trend toward bulletproof ice, hit it on a good day and you can definitely get your fix.
Got a favorite ski area for skiing steeps in Colorado
that I didn’t mention? Disagree with my pics? Leave a comment below and let me
know.
The post ADVENTURE TIME: COLORADO’S TOP 5 STEEP SKIING AREAS appeared first on Stacy Gold.
January 21, 2020
RANDOM MUSINGS: IMPLICIT BIAS AND WRITING ROMANCE
Implicit bias…We all suffer from it. Though those on the receiving end of our resulting words and actions suffer from it the most.
What is implicit bias?
Having implicit bias towards or against someone simply means you unconsciously have certain stereotypes buried deep in your brain that impact what you do or say. Most likely, you learned them at a really young age due to social conditioning. Then they’ve been reinforced throughout your life.
These biases can be favorable and unfavorable, but what’s most important is that they live in your subconscious and are initiated involuntarily. These unconscious beliefs can be the polar-opposite of what you consciously believe, and they can impact how you perceive, and react to, other people.
Interestingly, you can even have implicit bias against people in your own demographic.
If you don’t think you have any implicit biases, you’re probably wrong. Because we all do to some extent.
If the idea that you might have implicit bias against, say, people of color, fat people, women, LGBTQ+ folks, people from another country or religion, or any other demographic group makes you immediately defensive, you definitely have implicit biases.
How do I know? It’s not because I’m an expert on the subject (that’s for sure). It’s because I recently ran headfirst into some of my own implicit biases. And boy has it thrown me for a loop. Though really, I shouldn’t be surprised.
I’m an almost fifty white woman raised in the deep South. When I think back on jokes and limericks and statements of “truth” from my childhood, I’m appalled by the way they framed women and people of color. When I remember some of the things regularly said about AIDS, gay men, and gay rights in the eighties, I get nauseous.
Even though I never agreed with those portrayals or beliefs, they still squirmed their way into my psyche. They carved out comfy little spaces in my brain that result in me not being able to recognize all kinds of flat out wrong statements and actions for what they are.
Because these biased statements or ideas get repeated so often, it’s hard to even notice them. I’m desensitized, and so are most people.
That is not okay.
Everything we read, see, and hear in our culture can
weaken or strengthen our implicit biases.
Sometimes statements, and ideas or behaviors, are perpetuated purposefully in support of the status quo.
The political/media campaigns against freed slaves after the Civil War were designed to convince us men of color would kill, rob, or rape whites, and that the woman were hypersexualized, come to mind. Flyers, op-eds and advertisements were put out by political foes of emancipation and people (mostly white and male) who feared they’d lose money and/or power if those freed slaves were allowed to gain money and/or power.
Sometimes it’s because the creators of that media have implicit bias. Thus certain ethnicities and people from particular countries are often the criminals in movies. And women are often portrayed as weak, ditzy, catty, or emotionally out-of-control.
Either way, without realizing it, certain stereotypes become so common we inherently believe they’re true.
How does implicit bias affect me as a romance author?
Authors, of course, write the books and magazine articles and screenplays we read. Which are then often turned into the movies and TV shows we watch.
I very much want to write romances that reflect the diverse world I live in and include all the people. Because every person deserves to love and be loved. Everyone deserves their own Happily Ever After—whatever that might look like.
I want to write romances that destroy the tired stereotype of the unhappy marriage. I want to show readers healthy relationships built on respect and love, not the shrew of a wife and the lazy husband who fight all the time.
I also don’t ever want to voice or reaffirm negative, untrue stereotypes. And I do not ever want to inadvertently portray people different from myself in a poor light simply because they are different. Or portray them in a way that isn’t true and is hurtful.
Unfortunately, I know I will likely do all of the above, no matter how hard I try. Because, implicit bias.
So, I hold on to the idea that all I can do is strive to be
aware of my own implicit biases. To have sensitivity readers anytime I’m
dealing with a culture or experience not my own. To listen and learn, and not
be afraid to own my mistakes, apologize, and work to do and be better.
What can be done about implicit bias?
Recognize and admit you have implicit bias against someone, some group. And that it might even be a group you belong to. If someone accuses you of a bias or negative stereotype, and it makes you defensive, recognize that is a sign of implicit bias.Learn more about where/when your own implicit biases comes into play.Stop and think long and hard about any knee-jerk reaction or thoughts, negative OR positive (No, not all Asian people are great at math.) reaction you have to a person or group, and work to not perpetuate stereotypes.If someone tells you that your words or actions are hurtful or wrong, listen to them. Apologize, thank them for letting you know, and vow to do better.
Resources for learning more about, and rooting out, your
implicit bias:
The Kirwani Institute offers more information on the nature of implicit bias.
Not sure where your own implicit biases may lie? Head over to the Perception Institute website for more information, and tests to help you determine your areas of implicit bias.
And here’s a terrific list of resources, originally put together by a romance author for other romance authors. But it’s got loads of valuable info for anyone interested in understanding, and rooting out, implicit bias.
Have you discovered any of your own implicit biases? How do you feel implicit bias affects you or the people around you? Please leave a comment below…
The post RANDOM MUSINGS: IMPLICIT BIAS AND WRITING ROMANCE appeared first on Stacy Gold.
January 2, 2020
RANDOM MUSINGS: NEW LESSONS, NEW YEAR, NEW START
Change for the Better.
Wow. That’s it. 2019 is over. This has been both the
longest, and the shortest, year of my life. One of those years where so much
happened it’s hard to believe it was only twelve months long. Yet somehow those
months also zoomed by with a flash and a bang.
I’ve done a lot of thinking, a lot of writing, and a lot of growth this past year, with more on the horizon. I’ve overcome some injuries, and I’m dealing with others that cropped up. And I’ve got big, fun plans for next year, when I will have been on this planet for half a century (WTF?!?!).
While I’m not much for New Year’s resolutions, I do believe in reflecting on what I’ve learned, and setting goals to do, and be, better next year. So, I thought I’d share what I’ve learned, and my resulting goals, with you here.
Major Lessons to Take Into the New Year and Decade
My value is not tied to how hard or how much I work. It really is okay sometimes to just be. To make time for stretching, and yoga, and reading, and thinking. To go at my own pace, whatever that looks like on any given day. And to not be on a keyboard more than four hours a day, or more than five days a week. Ever again. My body and mind both need time off for me to be at my best, AND THAT’S NOT JUST OKAY. IT’S FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!
Unconscious and conscious bias are real and exist, especially in white people in America (the only group I’m qualified to speak for or about). Even, likely especially, if you think you (or someone else) are liberal, unbiased, and an ally. I discovered I can read a writer’s statements that sound nice enough and rational enough, and not notice much or anything wrong until someone else points out the racism or bigotry. At which time I’m horrified both by what the writer said, and that I didn’t even notice. I’m turning fifty. I’ve internalized a lot of racist b.s. over the years without even realizing it. I’m not proud of this, but it’s true. And I know I can do better.
I need to focus even more on healing my injuries and getting back to doing the things I love most. Having been injured on and off the past couple years, being able to mountain bike again this summer was splendiferous. Not to mention biking around town pain-free. Which is a great start. But I haven’t been able to kayak comfortably in years and I miss being on the river, too. Not to mention backpacking. Getting way out there in the wilderness fulfills my soul, so, I can’t give up on finding and trying new ways to become stronger and healthier.
Setting boundaries in my life and cutting out toxic people, even relatives, is difficult but necessary. The idea that anyone needs to keep abusive, narcissistic, mean, sociopathic, or plain asshole people in their life because “you’ve known them forever” or “it’s my spouse, partner, mother, father, sister, brother, grandparent, etc.” is bullshit. Some people simply cause too much stress and damage no matter how healthy you’ve become. They do not have to be my—or your—cross to bear.
I don’t know where the romance industry, or my career, is headed in these changing times, but given each of my novellas has finaled in at least two contests (and two have won), I’m confident in my skills. And this past year I learned how to write a damn good contemporary romance novel. I’m so proud of the manuscript I recently finished editing, and I learned a ton about my process that should make future books faster and easier to write. It doesn’t guarantee success, but it sure as hell should help. Besides, it makes me happy.
Mindful breathing and meditation work. It reduces my stress and anxiety and centers me. It’s not about clearing your mind of thought (which is impossible), it’s about learning how to let go of your thoughts instead of getting stuck on them. It’s also a practice with no specific end goal other than to practice regularly, for as much time as you can.
Eating meat has become too problematic for me on many levels. The amount of resources and land used to raise cows, chickens, and pigs is ridiculously high, and the process inhumane as hell. I’ve already greatly reduced my meat consumption over the years and tried to stick to organic and free range. Now, I’m growing more concerned with how eating meat impacts my physical health as well as the health of the planet.
New Year’sGoals for 2020
Study bias, diversity, and inclusion. And listen if someone else tells me I’ve hurt or offended them (regardless of my intent), apologize, and work to do better. If you’d like to join me, here’s a good place to start Mel’s Systemic Racism Resources 101
Have my first, full-length romance novel on the path to being out in the world this year—whether it’s via a movie deal, a contract with a major publisher, I self-publish, or some other avenue—and write the second book in the series. But always remember to work at the pace that’s best for my mind and body, regardless of what other authors are doing.
Switch to a meat-free diet (vegan), starting with two weeks completely plant-based then deciding what, if anything, to add back in (possibly fish or dairy). I’m trying to reduce inflammation and speed healing. Plus, from environmental and animal welfare perspectives, it’s the right thing to do.
Meditate daily. Practicing focusing on my breath and letting go of my thoughts helps me feel calm and centered and puts me a powerful frame of mind for positive affirmations.
Continue to refuse to allow or enable emotionally abusive people in my life—even if I love them. It doesn’t do either of us any good to continue letting that kind of behavior to, or around, me.
Finally go down the Grand Canyon to celebrate my 50th birthday and my 20th wedding anniversary. I might be floating in a raft instead of paddling my kayak, but I’m going.
It’s going to be a grand year all the way around. I can feel
it.
What are your big lessons from 2019 or New Year’s goals for 2020? Please do leave a comment.
The post RANDOM MUSINGS: NEW LESSONS, NEW YEAR, NEW START appeared first on Stacy Gold.
December 17, 2019
NEVER YOU WINS 3RD PLACE!
I’m thrilled and honored to share the news that Never You has officially won 3rd Place in the Erotic Romance category of RWA-NYC’s Kathryn Hayes “When Sparks Fly” contest! It’s the third, stand-alone novella in my steamy Emerald Mountain ski romance series.
With a smart, snarky heroine and a too-sexy-for-his-own-good chef hero stuck working together in a backcountry ski hut, this enemies to lovers stories was one of my favorites to write. It’s a story about not judging a book by its cover and discovering that sometimes what you think you want isn’t what you actually need.
A couple of weeks ago, I found out Never You also took 2nd Place in the OKRWA IDA Awards. At this point, all three of my novellas have finaled in two contests, and In Deep was a winner of the N.N. Light Award for Best Erotic Romance last year. Finaling and winning contests is amazing validation, and super exciting–especially for a newer author like myself (though I suspect it never gets old). I do love being to say I’m an award-winning author!
Here’s the skinny on Never You…
Emerald Mountain Ski Hut Caretaker Morgan Monroe doesn’t do
casual relationships. Not anymore. Certainly not with the obnoxious, flirty, too-hot-for-his-own-good
chef she’s wanted to strangle all season. He’s the kind of man she wouldn’t
date in a million years, even if he were the dating type.
Chef Dan Griffin doesn’t believe in relationships. But a
one-night stand to celebrate the end of ski season? Hell yes! Especially with
the gorgeous caretaker. She’s sexy but melt-in-your-mouth sweet, the kind of
woman who could convince a man to get serious…if he were the relationship type.
She kept her distance all winter, but he’s hoping he can convince her to get
closer for one night of passion.
When things heat up on a cold winter’s night, will they play it
safe or follow their hearts?
In case you’re curious, here is a list of the other awards my novellas have won:
Just Friends – a friends to lovers story
N.N. Light Book Awards Finalist – Best Erotic Romance
OKRWA IDA Contest – 3rd Place Finalist
Taya Monroe is trying to pick up the pieces of her failed writing career and broken life after walking out on her cheating fiancé. Ski Patroller Jordan Wiley is a single dad with zero time or energy for dating. When a snowstorm traps these two old friends in an avalanche of chemistry, will their friendship survive the weight of their passion?
In Deep – a second chance at love story
N.N. Light Book Awards Winner – Best Erotic Romance
H.O.L.T Medallion Finalist – Best First Book
For eight mind-blowing weeks two years ago, they were lovers. Now
he’s her boss on ski patrol. When an adrenaline-filled day turns into a night
they need to forget—will they risk their careers for each other?
The post NEVER YOU WINS 3RD PLACE! appeared first on Stacy Gold.
November 29, 2019
NEVER YOU TAKES 2ND IN THE IDA CONTEST
I’m thrilled and honored to announce that Never You placed second in the Short Erotic category of the 2019 IDA Contest!
Never You is the the third, stand-alone novella in my steamy Emerald mountain ski romance series, and my personal favorite.
An enemies to lovers story with a forced proximity setting in a backcountry ski hut, I had so much fun making Daniel and Morgan realize they’d totally misjudged each other. And discover what they thought they wanted, and what they needed, were two different things.
So many yummy sparks went flying. Plus, there’s food porn and ski porn to enjoy along the way.
The International Digital Awards contest is sponsored by the Oklahoma Chapter of Romance Writers of America but is open to all works of fiction in digital format, regardless of romantic content. Check out all the IDA winners here.
Here’s the skinny on Never You…
Emerald Mountain Ski Hut Caretaker Morgan Monroe doesn’t do casual relationships. Not anymore. Certainly not with the obnoxious, flirty, too-hot-for-his-own-good chef she’s wanted to strangle all season. He’s the kind of man she wouldn’t date in a million years, even if he were the dating type.
Chef Dan Griffin doesn’t believe in relationships. But a one-night stand to celebrate the end of ski season? Hell yes! Especially with the gorgeous caretaker. She’s sexy but melt-in-your-mouth sweet, the kind of woman who could convince a man to get serious…if he were the relationship type. She kept her distance all winter, but he’s hoping he can convince her to get closer for one night of passion.
When things heat up on a cold winter’s night, will they play it safe or follow their hearts?
In case you’re curious, here is a list of the other awards my novellas have been nominated for or have won:
Just Friends – a friends to lovers story
N.N. Light Book Awards Finalist – Best Erotic Romance
OKRWA IDA Contest – 3rd Place Finalist
In Deep – a second chance at love story
N.N. Light Book Awards Winner – Best Erotic Romance
H.O.L.T Medallion Finalist – Best First Book
For eight mind-blowing weeks two years ago, they were lovers. Now
he’s her boss on ski patrol. When an adrenaline-filled day turns into a night
they need to forget—will they risk their careers for each other?
The post NEVER YOU TAKES 2ND IN THE IDA CONTEST appeared first on Stacy Gold.
November 19, 2019
BOOK REVIEW: THE ONE YOU CAN’T FORGET
Roni Loren’s “The One You Can’t Forget” features the best meet cute ever!
After reading, “The One You Can’t Forget” (Book 2 in The Ones Who Got Away series), I’ve added Roni Loren to my list of favorite romance authors. This book hooked me from the beginning with the ideal combination of solid writing, realism, quirky dialogue, difficult situations, and sexy tension, and kept me hooked all the way through.
I don’t want to spoil it, so I’ll say nothing more than this book has one of the best, most cringe inducing set ups ever. So much delicious tension leading to the reveal and so much discomfort when lawyer Rebecca recognizes chef Wes, and a short while later when he realizes who she is—and they each realize they’re attracted to the other anyway. Plus, she uses a dog as part of the set up in a new and different way.
In this thoroughly modern love story, Ms. Loren weaves complicated threads in right from the start, then twists them together in the most unexpected ways by the end. Fun, engaging, and satisfying, this book gave me all the feels. I was definitely rooting for Rebecca and Wes to get together, and I think you will too.
About “The One You Can’t Forget” by Roni Loren
Most days Rebecca Lindt feels
like an imposter…
The world admires her as a
survivor. But that impression would crumble if people knew her secret. She
didn’t deserve to be the one who got away. But nothing can change the past, so
she’s thrown herself into her work. She can’t dwell if she never slows down.
Wes Garrett is trying to get
back on his feet after losing his dream restaurant, his money, and half his
damn mind in a vicious divorce. But when he intervenes in a mugging and saves
Rebecca—the attorney who helped his ex ruin him—his simple life gets complicated.
Their attraction is
inconvenient and neither wants more than a fling. But when Rebecca’s secret is
put at risk, both discover they could lose everything, including what they
never realized they needed: each other
The post BOOK REVIEW: THE ONE YOU CAN’T FORGET appeared first on Stacy Gold.
October 23, 2019
NEVER YOU IS A FINALIST
I’m thrilled and honored to share that Never You is a finalist in the Erotic Romance category of RWA-NYC’s Kathryn Hayes “When Sparks Fly” contest! It’s the third, stand-alone novella in my steamy Emerald mountain ski romance series.
This enemies to lovers stories was one of my favorites to write. It’s a story about not judging a book by its cover and discovering that sometimes what you think you want isn’t what you actually need.
Here’s the skinny on Never You…
Emerald Mountain Ski Hut Caretaker Morgan Monroe doesn’t do
casual relationships. Not anymore. Certainly not with the obnoxious, flirty, too-hot-for-his-own-good
chef she’s wanted to strangle all season. He’s the kind of man she wouldn’t
date in a million years, even if he were the dating type.
Chef Dan Griffin doesn’t believe in relationships. But a
one-night stand to celebrate the end of ski season? Hell yes! Especially with
the gorgeous caretaker. She’s sexy but melt-in-your-mouth sweet, the kind of
woman who could convince a man to get serious…if he were the relationship type.
She kept her distance all winter, but he’s hoping he can convince her to get
closer for one night of passion.
When things heat up on a cold winter’s night, will they play it
safe or follow their hearts?
At this point, all three of my novellas have finaled in contests, and
In Deep was a winner last year. Which is amazing validation, and super
exciting. Even if I don’t win Best Erotic Romance for Never You, I feel like I’ve
already won.
Finalist’s manuscripts have been sent to second-round judges for
scoring. Winners will be announced on Dec 7th. Please think positive
thoughts for me.
In case you’re curious, here is a list of the other awards my novellas have been nominated for or have won:
Just Friends – a friends to lovers story
N.N. Light Book Awards Finalist – Best Erotic Romance
OKRWA IDA Contest – Finalist
In Deep – a second chance at love story
For eight mind-blowing weeks two years ago, they were lovers. Now
he’s her boss on ski patrol. When an adrenaline-filled day turns into a night
they need to forget—will they risk their careers for each other?
N.N. Light Book Awards Winner – Best Erotic Romance
H.O.L.T Medallion Finalist
The post NEVER YOU IS A FINALIST appeared first on Stacy Gold.
September 27, 2019
Meet Me in the Seattle Area October 19th!
You’re Invited to the FREE Passport to Romance Reader Event Saturday
Evening in Bellevue, WA
Do you love reading romance? Are going to be in the Seattle area on October 19th? Join me and almost fifty romance authors of every genre and heat level at this FREE event.
Meet amazing authors. Enter raffles. Get free books and
shwag. And come out and celebrate all that is wonderful about romantic fiction
– from sweet to sexy, historical to sci-fi.
Where: Bellevue Westin Hotel
When: Saturday, Oct 19th, 2019 6pm-8pm
The Passport to Romance is an annual reader event put on by the local Greater Seattle Chapter of the Romance Writers of America. It’s a relaxed, casual setting where you’re sure to meet your next favorite author. Parking is free in the Westin garage.
I hope to see you there!
The post Meet Me in the Seattle Area October 19th! appeared first on Stacy Gold.
September 17, 2019
Random Musings: Defining Strong Women
Greta Thunberg and Jane Goodall Too Many (Usually Male) Authors Ask: What Is A Strong Women? Here’s My Answer…
For years, in books, movies, and on TV, the main definition of a strong woman was one who survived rape, violence, widowhood, and/or poverty and went on to live a good life. Usually entailing getting married and having and/or raising children.
The only women I remember from my childhood being celebrated
as strong were Linda Hamilton in Terminator and Sigourney Weaver in Alien. But
they were muscular, ass-kicking, not-afraid-to-kill-to-survive women. Strong
the way men are strong.
Looking back, I realize we had more examples. Women like
Alice Hyatt, and her fellow waitresses at Mel’s Diner, Ann Romano on the
original One Day at a Time, and Nurse Margaret Houlihan on M*A*S*H* were smart,
caring, determined women who did what had to be done. But I don’t remember them
being celebrated for their strength in the media.
All too often I felt a pervasive sense that everything would
be much better for each of them if they just found themselves a man. That their
life, family, and career choices weren’t entirely appropriate, even if they
garnered respect (sometimes grudging) from the other characters and the
audience. Almost as though their strength was an endearing personality quick
instead of the foundation of their sense of self.
What defines a person as strong?
While surviving adversity can make someone strong, something
horrible doesn’t have to happen to become a strong person. And notice I say
person, not just woman. Because the kind of strength I’m talking about has
nothing to do with muscles. It comes from within, and your sex doesn’t matter.
A strong person does what’s right, even when
it’s difficult or scary.A strong person lives their beliefs, even when they
don’t align with what society, or their friends or family, deems appropriate.A strong person knows who they are, but they’re
always willing to learn and change and grow to be better than they are today.A strong person pushes themselves to do more
than they, or sometimes anyone, thought possible.
Most importantly, a strong person has a set of core values or beliefs they refuse to relinquish.
For centuries, organized religion provided many people with a solid set of core values and a good moral compass (Do unto others, help those less fortunate, don’t commit the following sins, etc.). For some of us it was Mr. Rogers. Nowadays, participation in organized religion in the U.S. is shrinking, but the need for core values of the kind Jesus and Mr. Rogers espoused has only grown.
Decades of women portrayed as sex objects, baby-making
machines, selfless mothers, or catty gold-diggers, made me wonder where all the
strong women had gone. I’ve found a lot of them in Romancelandia, and they’re
the kind of people I enjoy writing about.
Men and women who are flawed, but have convictions, and who
are willing to go against the grain to create lives that make them proud and
happy. Strong people who make themselves uncomfortable in the short term in the
service of larger goals. People who often accept ridiculous amounts ridicule because
they see a bigger picture than just themselves and choose to follow a different
path.
With more movies and TV shows written and directed by, and starring, women, we’re finally seeing more strong women without the rapey backstory. This recent image of teen climate activist Greta Thunberg meeting ethologist and chimpanzee expert Jane Goodall warmed me to my bones with the thought “Thank God we’re starting to celebrate strong women, and they’re supporting each other, for they are the ones who will change the world for the better.”
We should all strive to solidify our core beliefs and become
stronger versions of ourselves.
Thoughts on strong women and core beliefs? Do share by commenting below…
The post Random Musings: Defining Strong Women appeared first on Stacy Gold.
August 30, 2019
Random Musings: Consent in Romance and Real Life
Consent in Romance Novels – Sexy or Not Sexy?
In the #MeToo era I’m always shocked to hear someone say they don’t think consent belongs in romance novels because it kills the mood. Sure, early romance novels featured plenty of rape, or at least strong coercion, that turned into willing participation. But that was to preserve the heroine’s reputation.
It wasn’t her fault the sex happened, but the hero was so good in bed she ended up loving it—and him. Except those days are long gone. Or they should be.
Today women are allowed to enjoy sex because it is enjoyable. We should also be allowed to determine whom we want to engage in sex with, and when, and how. None of us owe anybody sex, no matter what they’ve said, done, or paid for for us. That’s where consent comes in.
Consent is hella-sexy.
Who doesn’t get turned on knowing they’re making their partner feel good. Or knowing their partner wants more of whatever they’re doing, more of them.
Really, is there anything hotter than someone saying, “I want you now.” Or, a new partner thoughtful enough to ask, “Are you sure?”
The same holds true in romance novels. My characters aren’t
stopping to sign a consent waiver in the middle of foreplay. There is no dry
side discussion of what’s going to be okay and what’s not while the guy’s got a
raging stiffie.
Consent is as simple as whispering what they want in their partner’s ear. It could be one person saying fuck me, please. Or the other person asking, “Do you want me inside you?” and getting a resounding YES in return.
Like so…
—-
Jules
squirmed and groaned.
“Please,
Evan.” She pushed gently on my head and rocked her hips.
I
looked her in the eye. “Please, what?”
She
bit her lip, gaze wide and clear. “Please lick my clit and fuck me with your
fingers until I come all over your hand.”
My
dick turned into a concrete post and it was a miracle I didn’t come right then
and there.
“As
you wish.”
—-
That right there is consent loud and clear from both parties, and I think it’s sexy as hell. It’s an ongoing conversation, a give and a take. And both parties know it can be taken away at any moment, even though they’ve had sex once before.
In every steamy book I read or write, I want consent to be integral to the story. Depending on whether it’s given or taken away, it can show kindness or vulnerability. Caring or callousness. No matter what, it’s critical to building trust and intimacy in a relationship.
Lack of consent equals assault or rape.
What’s not sexy is asking for consent, getting rejected, and doing it anyway. Lack of consent is coercion and assault at best, rape at worst. That’s the last thing we need to be glorifying on the page, on the screen, or in our own bedrooms.
Women need the agency and safety to be able to say what they do not want in the bedroom and beyond. Any man who doesn’t ask for, or wait for, consent is avoiding getting turned down.
Because of the power dynamics between men and women, many women give in rather than stand firm because it’s easier. It’s also sometimes physically safer, even though every woman who acquiesces when we don’t want to pays a price emotionally.
That’s not sexy at all. It’s scary and horrifying and can make a person never want to have sex again. So, I say we all say yes to consent, all the time. In real life and romance novels.
How do you feel about consent in romance novels? Does it
bother you, or do you like it? Please do share your thoughts below…
The post Random Musings: Consent in Romance and Real Life appeared first on Stacy Gold.
