Stacy Gold's Blog, page 14

Random Musings: What Women Really Want

What Women Really Want in a Marriage Partner—and a Romance Novel

Two things you should know before reading on…

1) This article has nothing to do with that awful Mel Gibson movie from the early 2000’s.

2) I’m talking primarily about heteronormative relationships here. Not because I have anything against any other forms of relationship (you be you), but because I have only been in heteronormative relationships. And all my friends with long-lasting relationships happen to be, too. I’d love to hear from folks in other types of relationships. Please comment and let me know if what I’m suggesting here holds true for you.

Okay, now on with the rest of the article!

Many things have been said about what women want in a relationship: diamond rings, a friend, a passionate lover, a millionaire, a man who helps with the chores, etc. While these are nice, I think they miss the heart of the issue.

When I look at long-and-happily married friends, they all have one thing in common. In every instance, the guy has told me, “I knew she was the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and I was willing to do anything to convince her to marry me.”

It’s probably the single biggest thing that convinced me—a died-in-the-wool, certified marriage hater—to say yes when my hubby proposed. The second time, anyway (but that’s another story).

Because what I believe women really want is someone who loves and respects and values and WANTS them, exactly as they are right now. Hell, really anyone, regardless of how they gender identify, probably wants this. Because nobody wants to be with a partner who only sees the value in who they could be. Or who loves a version of them that doesn’t exist—whether that’s the version they present to the world, or not.

Or worse, someone who never wants to spend time with them, or really listen to their ideas, hopes, and dreams.

I’ve been in good relationships where we both liked, respected, and valued each other, but one or both of us wasn’t ready to take an emotional risk. I’ve also been in awful relationships with men who treated me like I was stupid or worthless. Typically, those men only considered their own happiness, never mine. Neither scenario is destined to create a lasting, happy marriage.

Because the right partner is willing to put everything on the line to be with you and make you happy. They hand you their heart on a platter because they are willing to risk anything for your love. And because they trust you to care for it. A man who does this is special and oh so valuable (Assuming, of course, you want said guy’s affections. Otherwise it’s just creepy.).

This type of emotional vulnerability and trust works just as well in romance novels as it does in real life. I almost always cry when I get to the part in a story where the guy says he adores the woman exactly as she is, flaws and all, and would do anything—give up anything—to be with her. Because isn’t that what all women really want?

What do you think? Is this kind of emotional trust and vulnerability what women (or men, or anyone else) really want in a marriage partner?

The post Random Musings: What Women Really Want appeared first on Stacy Gold.

Random Musings: Win 80 Romance eBooks!

Win 80 Romance eBooks Loaded on a Kindle HD in the Books at the Beach Giveaway!

How many books do you read over the average summer? Could you read 80? Because that’s how many ebooks one lucky winner will walk away with in the Books at the Beach Giveaway, it’s a romance readers dream. Enter the Giveaway Here

Books include the latest titles from Nora Roberts, Catherine Bybee, Debbie Macomber, and Gena Showalter, plus dozens more. You could win a copy of my book Just Friends, too. Plus, two runner-ups win $25 Amazon gift cards.

The Books at the Beach Giveaway & Book Fair runs June 19-30. Enter Here Now

Sponsored by these 54 authors:

Alina K. Field • Allyson Lindt • Amy L Gale • Anna Durand • Astrid Arditi • Barbara Lohe • Beverley Oakley • Bianca D’Arc • C. A. King • C.E. Wilson • Carmen Fox • Casi McLean • Catherine Kean • Chloe Flowers • Christa Paige • Constance Phillips • Cynthia Clement • Danica Favorite • Debbie White • Denise Jaden • Dianne Venetta • Elizabeth Rose • Gayle Parness • Helen Scott • Jacqueline Diamond • Jina Bacarr • Josie Riviera • Judith Keim • Karen • Michelle Nutt • Katherine Lowry Logan • Kris Michaels • Kristina Knight • Kristy Tate • Margaret Locke • Mari Carr • Naomi Bellina • PG Forte • Quinn • Raine English • Regan Walker • Sheila Seabrook • Shelique Lize • Soraya Naomi • Stacy Gold • Stella Marie Alden • Stephanie Julian • Stephanie Queen • Sydney Aaliyah Michelle • Sylvia Hubbard • Tamara Ferguson • Tena Stetler • Traci Douglass • Vicki Crum

Enter the Giveaway Here

And while you’re at it, shop our awesome summer book fair with over 50 fantastic romance titles for you to choose from.

 

The post Random Musings: Win 80 Romance eBooks! appeared first on Stacy Gold.

Random Musings: Unrealistic Expectations in Romance Novels

Do Romance Novels Give Women Unrealistic Expectations about Relationships, Sex, and Significant Others?

Until I started writing romance, I never even considered this a question. As a romance author, and someone who has been in a very happy relationship with my hubby for almost twenty years, I’m appalled anyone asks. Because asking implies women shouldn’t have high expectations for their partners or relationships or sex.

Seriously?

Relationships aren’t supposed to suck. They aren’t supposed to be just okay or fine, either.

Romance novels are the antidote to the unrealistic expectations already out there.

TV shows, books, and movies have long portrayed relationships and marriage as unhappy and unfulfilling. And women who enjoy sex are sluts and whores (even though men would really like us to want and enjoy sex. Which would happen a lot more often if they’d quit calling us sluts and whores.). God knows no married woman likes sex—they just pretend to enjoy it until you put the ring on their finger.

It couldn’t possibly be that they’re too exhausted from working a full-time job, and handling most of the childcare, and doing housework, to have the energy to even be interested (Not saying there aren’t partners who contribute, but those usually aren’t the ones with the relationship/sex problems, if you smell what I’m stepping in). And it definitely couldn’t be that their partner sucks in bed, or doesn’t think beyond their own (already assured, if they’re a guy) orgasm.

Sure, there are and have been exceptions in mainstream media. But what we’re taught is that relationships are difficult and cramp your style, marriage sucks, and married women hate sex.

Hold on a sec while I go fetch a shovel.

No, romance novels don’t give readers unrealistic expectations.

Romance novels are one of the few bastions of totally valid relationship expectations. If you want to have a healthy, fulfilling relationship with someone (or more than one someones) who respects you and works to make you happy—in bed and out—you deserve exactly that.

The thing is, if you don’t know this kind of relationship is possible, you’re not going to aspire to it. You’re going set your expectations too low and settle for the type of dysfunction you believe is normal. I know this firsthand…

My parent’s relationship is pretty much a textbook example of how not to treat each other. They live in the land of denial, dysfunction, silent treatments, and screaming fights in public.

Until I was sixteen, and met my then-boyfriend’s happily-married aunt and uncle, I assumed all relationship were that way. They showed me marriage didn’t have to be unhealthy and demeaning. That it didn’t have to be a series of battles to be won. That two people could love and respect each other, and enjoy spending time together, even after twenty years.

Still, it took many years of therapy and many screwed up relationships with men I’d chosen for the wrong reasons to figure out how to have a healthy relationship. I even turned my hubby down the first time he proposed because I couldn’t understand why I would volunteer to marry anyone. Luckily, he’s one of the good ones, and waged a helluva a campaign to woo me into becoming his wife. I’ve never regretted it for even a second.

We’ve been married almost seventeen years, and still adore each other. We work hard to make sure the other person always feels valued, supported, and fulfilled. And we still have incredibly hot sex.

I wish I had read more good romance when I was younger, because I needed a higher bar set for my early relationships. Now I hope my books set realistic expectations for my readers. I want them to demand respect and love and support—and orgasms—because we all deserve at least that from our partners.

Do you think romance novels give women unrealistic expectations about love and sex and relationships? I’d love to get your thoughts on the subject.

 

The post Random Musings: Unrealistic Expectations in Romance Novels appeared first on Stacy Gold.

Random Musings: Enter to Win Kindles & Gift Cards

Enter Now for a Chance to Win Kindle Fires, Amazon Gift Cards, and a $25 REI Gift Card from Me in the Some Girls Like It Hot Giveaway!

I’ve joined up with a bunch of other romance authors to treat readers like you to a hot, summertime giveaway. You can win a Kindle Fire HD 10, Kindle Fire HD 8, Kindle Fire 7, REI Gift Cards, Amazon Gift Cards & More!

Signups to win in the Grand Prize Giveaway AND the Facebook Hop end at noon eastern time on Monday June 12th.

Here’s How You Can Enter to Win in the Giveaway and Facebook Hop

Enter the Giveaway Here

Be sure to join me and 100+ other authors for our Facebook Hop June 9-12, where you can enter to win a gift card at every stop. Plus, enter to win a bonus giveaway for the your choice of an Amazon Echo Dot or Kindle Fire.

Facebook Hop Starts Here on June 9

The Some Girls Like it Hot Giveaway is Sponsored by these authors:

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Meet new romance authors, win stuff, and have fun!

The post Random Musings: Enter to Win Kindles & Gift Cards appeared first on Stacy Gold.

Random Musings: On Writing Daily

Is Writing Daily Critical to Becoming a Published Author?

The short answer is, no. Writing daily isn’t necessary for every author. It definitely isn’t necessary for me.

When I started writing fiction, and reading about writing fiction, everywhere I turned someone said “you must write every day”. A few outliers recommend writing whenever and as much as works for you, or in short blasts or chunks. Still, the general rule is: set a word count and write every day.

Interestingly, this advice is apparently reserved for fiction authors only. As a working copywriter and journalist for the better part of fifteen years, no one ever told me I needed to write daily to be good at my craft. Granted, most articles and marketing pieces are far, far shorter than a novel, or even a novella. So writing daily may be more about developing a habit of putting words on the page so you actually finish writing a damn book before you die.

Why I don’t believe in writing daily.

Whatever the reason, writing daily does not work for me. I don’t do it. If I’m in the thick of a first draft and the ideas are threatening to spill out and be lost forever if I don’t write them down, I might hit the keyboard for a few hours one day on a weekend. But that’s rare. I’m more likely to jot a few notes in my phone and go back to having fun.

If I write every day I run out of ideas, and eventually the quality and quantity of my writing suffers. If I write too many hours in a day, or too many days in a row, my brain cramps and refuses to go further. Anything I write at that point is crap that’s going to be deleted anyway.

Like any other muscle, I think you need to work your writing brain regularly to keep it strong. But also like any muscle, if you work it too much it gets sore and tired and performance suffers.

I also need a certain amount of mental time and space to write good fiction. More than when I’m writing non-fiction, where the facts are laid out and it’s just a matter of reorganizing and rewriting them to be compelling. With fiction, it all comes out of my head.

Sometimes that means taking time off on weekdays to let my brain figure out what comes next, or resolve a sticky plot issue. Recently I wrote and edited two, twenty-thousand word stories in a few weeks. At that point, my brain was downright crunchy. So, I took a few days away from writing or editing and read three romance novels instead.

What I do with my non-writing time.

Weekends and evening, as a rule, are reserved for time with my hubby. We hit the trails, rivers, or slopes, get together with friends, go dancing, or see a show. It gives my brain a chance to rest, and me a chance to put new experiences in my head. I can’t expect anything new to come out if I don’t ever put anything new in.

The flipside is, if I go more than a week without working on a novel or story, it gets harder to find my groove. It also gets easier to procrastinate and work on anything else. Maybe writing fiction is like sex and exercise, the more you do it, the more you want to do it. And the less you do it the easier it is to blow off.

Regardless (and to paraphrase the hell out of Dr. Suess), I cannot, do not, will not write every day.

What do you think? Is a daily writing practice critical to becoming a published author? Please do leave your thoughts in a comment below.

The post Random Musings: On Writing Daily appeared first on Stacy Gold.

Random Musings: On Prime Minister

Book Review of Erotic Romance Novel Prime Minister

“A kinky Prime Minister, a vanilla intern, and a scandal that shouldn’t feel so right or cost so much.”

Every so often, I read a book that’s worth recommending. When I do, I blog about it and post a shorter review to Goodreads. Often, they’re ones my awesome critique partner, author Laurel Greer recommends. She has excellent taste in books, and recommended I read Prime Minister by Ainsley Booth and Sadie Haller.

What a fun and frisky read it turned out to be. I admit, I have a major crush on Justin Trudeau, the brilliant, thoughtful, sexy, Prime Minister of Canada. While the authors state up front this story isn’t based on factual characters, it is awesome fan fiction for anyone with the hots for Canada’s PM. It’s also got a nice dose of real politics, and a smart heroine, both of which I enjoyed.

Prime Minister is well-written, though the storyline requires a bit of suspension of disbelief here and there. Then again, that isn’t always a negative. With a series title of Frisky Beavers these books aren’t meant to be taken 100% seriously. The authors are having fun and want the reader to join in the ride. And there is some good, ‘ahem’, riding in there, too (This IS a book review of erotic romance, after all).

I haven’t started book two yet, which looks to be a bit more BDSM focused, (only sometimes my cup of tea). But I’ll likely read that sooner than later because I enjoyed the writers’ style.

This book is definitely worth your time, especially if you have a crush on Canada’s PM, enjoy politics and romance mixed together, and prefer your romances on the hot and spicy side. Buy and read Prime Minister.*

Have you read Prime Minister? What did you think? Or has this review convinced you to buy it? Please let me know yoru thoughts below.

*I get nothing except warm fuzzies, (no affiliate commission, $0) for recommending this or any other book. I did not receive a free copy.

The post Random Musings: On Prime Minister appeared first on Stacy Gold.

Random Musings: On Dirty Dancing

What Makes Dirty Dancing So Watchable,

from a Romance Author’s Point of View?

Recently, I ended up on a Facebook thread about why the movie Dirty Dancing is so damn watchable. I can admit, I’ve seen it many times because it used to play regularly on cable TV. But until this weekend, it had been years. With my hubby out of town for work, I decided to give it another look to see if I could understand it’s ongoing appeal.

Now that I’m a romance author, I look at every movie (and read every book) though a different set of eyes. A story has to be incredibly compelling and well-told for me to stop analyzing the plot, character arcs, inciting incidents, black moments, beats and whole bunch of other stuff I knew nothing about when I first watched this film.

After binge watching it three times (though I was multi-tasking during the third viewing), I can honestly say Dirty Dancing still holds up. Almost thirty years after it first came out, this movie still has an undeniable appeal that’s made it a favorite for decades, despite a few cheesy lines and scenes.

Here’s why I think this movie works so well:

1) The societal changes happening at that time mirror Baby’s (Jennifer Grey) personal changes, and underpin her awakening to a world that is ultimately different from the one she was raised in. Everything in the movie is on the cusp of change, from the politics, to the race relations, to the popularity of the resort itself—not just the characters. And change is what makes a story compelling. We can see the changes coming and we want to know what happens next.

2) Baby goes from a girl to a woman in more ways than one. Yes, this is a love story, and the lead character loses her virginity, but it’s so much more than that. Baby ends up questioning her entire worldview, along with her view of herself and who she longs to be. Not to mention how other people see her, and the people around her that she comes to care for.

3) Baby has agency. She’s a smart girl with her own ideas. Things don’t just happen to her in the movie, she makes things happen. Her moral code insists she has to help those in need if she can. So, she does, naively, not knowing the can of worms she’s about to open. Most of what happens in the movie is the result of her choices, for better or worse. We, the viewers, are quickly hooked.

4) Patrick Swayze, who played Johnny, was a beautiful man and an underrated actor and dancer. He’s the kind of man every woman wants to be with, on the dancefloor and off. His charisma in this movie is undeniable. It’s easy to see why Baby crushes on him, and why that crush becomes something more.

5) The way Baby and Johnny relationship develops is believable. It’s not just that he’s good looking, and she’s a stupid young girl who falls for the hot guy from the wrong side of the tracks. They get to know each other slowly, and go through challenges together. You can see his attraction to her growing at the same time her initial crush becomes something deeper and more solid. He’s in awe of the way she’ll give up so much to help someone else, and she respects his commitment to Penny and his efforts to better himself. It’s not just about looks or lust.

6) The characters are multi-dimensional, and grow and change. The hardships and adventures that bring them closer also make us root for them. In the end, because of their journey and their relationship, they both become better versions of themselves. Something we all want from our relationships. That character arc is key to a successful story.

7) Both main characters take risks for each other. In the black moment at the end of the movie, Baby puts her reputation and her relationship with her family at risk to save Johnny’s job. And Johnny realizes he has value. That he does have something to offer the world, and her. He isn’t just “nothing”. When Johnny shows up in the finale, and asks her to dance, he’s proving that both of them have value, and that their relationship and their choices are not wrong.

On a side note, the music and dancing is irresistible. My father was a child of the fifties, so I grew up listening to that music. The soundtrack perfectly encapsulates both the time period, and the problems and changes the characters go through, despite the suspension of disbelief required for the modern, signature song, “Time of My Life”.

What do you think about Dirty Dancing? How many times have you watched it? What do you love, or hate, about the movie? Let me know by leaving a comment below.

The post Random Musings: On Dirty Dancing appeared first on Stacy Gold.

Random Musings: On Writing Sex Scenes

Writing Sex Scenes: Some Words Are Sexier than Others

As a steamy, contemporary romance author, I enjoy reading and writing sex scenes. So, I’m all always on the hunt for new ways to describe body parts and the things done to them.

Recently I realized I do not find the word lave sexy. It sounds like a woodworking term. I’m not sure I want my nipple, or any other part of me, laved (Ouch!).

I’ve tried using it in my stories, and it just doesn’t work for me. It’s not quite throw-up-a-little- in-the-back-of-my-mouth icky, but it is a turn off.

When I posted my thoughts on lave on Twitter, other writer Tweeps chimed in with:

Folds
Slit
Pump
Member
Also, turgid. Particularly when combined with member.

I don’t mind the first three, but member is definitely on my “no can do” list, turgid or otherwise. And I’m on the fence about boobs. To each his/her own, of course.

Are there words that bother you in sex scenes? Ones that are your favorites? Please do leave your comments below.

(This post started as a simple Twitter comment, and took on a—very funny, if somewhat juvenile—life of its own.) Read the original Twitter thread here. And be sure to follow me once you’re there.

The post Random Musings: On Writing Sex Scenes appeared first on Stacy Gold.

Random Musings: On Feminist Romance

What’s So Special About Feminist Romance?

I remember reading my first romance novel in my late teens. Or at least, I should say I remember the cover—the classic Fabio bodice-ripper—and a line about a turgid member and a deep, moist well (cue disgusted shiver). Beyond that, nothing sunk in. Because I could not relate to the damsel-in-distress heroine in any way, shape, or form.

Even back then I never wanted to be rescued—by a man or anyone else. And pretty early in life I realized I could only expect people to love me if I loved myself. Ditto liking. No knight in shining armor on a white horse could come to my internal rescue. I needed to rescue myself.

This was around the same time that I became sick and tired of being told I couldn’t do…Whatever. It became my mission to do every one of those things. To take charge of my life and my choices, no matter what anyone else said about them. To own my successes, and my failures.

As part of that, I took big risks: became a whitewater raft guide when women on the river where I worked made up maybe two percent of the guides… Moved across the country alone (except for my dog) at age nineteen… Walked away from a wonderful man I loved because I needed to learn to love myself more.

What I wanted in my reading, what I needed, was examples of strong, independent women building their lives on their own terms. Women who were then celebrated for their abilities and uniqueness. The kind of books that could help me learn to celebrate my own strengths and abilities and choices and goals—even if they didn’t include getting married or having children.

I needed feminist romance novels, and back then they didn’t exist. Now, I can’t imagine reading and enjoying any romance that doesn’t include a smart, strong, capable heroine. One who doesn’t need a man, but decides she wants an equal partner.

Is feminism in romance important to you? Do you have any favorite feminist romances you can recommend? Please let me know in the comments.

Looking for great feminist romances to read?  Check out this article filled with terrific recommendations.

Random Musings: Enter to Win

Romance Readers, Win $1250 in Gift Cards during the Spring Fling Giveaway!

Click this image and enter to win up to $1250 in gift cards!

Giving stuff away is fun, and who doesn’t need more gift cards, right? The fit is always perfect and the color always looks good with your complexion.

That’s why I’m excited to join 77 other authors in giving you the chance to win one of nine Amazon Gift Cards—with a top prize worth $500! Click here to enter.

Romance authors from every sub-genre (and a few non-romance authors) are participating including: paranormal, mystery, YA, new adult, suspense, thrillers, and urban fiction authors too. They write everything from sweet to super-steamy, so you can find your next favorite author by entering the contest too.

How Does the Contest Work?

One entry signs you up to each of our newsletters. You can also get bonus entries by signing up for an author’s newsletter directly on their site (Sign up for mine here for a bonus entry.)

Author newsletters tend to be filled with freebies, giveaways, and other goodies. Though you are free to unsubscribe at any time after the drawing, please don’t mark them as spam.

Visit the Spring Fling Website to enter!

Check out all the amazing participating authors:

Constance Phillips • Debbie White • Tamara Lush • Nancy Segovia • Helen Smith • Stella Marie Alden • Alyson Hale • Shirley Hailstock • Dena Garson • Ava Bradley • Tamara Ferguson • Lynda Haviland • Eva Chase • Ashlee Price • Allyson R Abbott • Phoebe Rose • Ysa Arcangel • Tee Garner • Jennifer Allis Provost • Rachel Woods • Amelia James • Jacqueline Diamond • Marsha A. Moore • Siera London • Emily Leigh • Aileen Harkwood • Jenna Barwin • Tara Lain • Christa Paige • Cynthia A Clement • Marie Booth • Hope Welsh • Sarah Fischer • Marie Johnston • Anne Renwick • Brea Viragh • Gayle Parness • Trish McCallan • Aubrey Wynne • JD Monroe • Sharon Kay • Elizabeth Rose • H. D. Thomson • Amy Brent • Caitlyn Blue • Margo Bond Collins • Bokerah Brumley • Felicia Beasley • Amy L Gale • Olivia Wildenstein • Tracie E. Christian • Patricia M Jackson • Kristy Tate • Astrid Arditi • Lisa Mondello • Cassie Alexander • Lori L. Robinett • Amanda Uhl • Melissa Belle • Josie Riviera • Layla Messner • Bree Dahlia • Cherie Claire • Barbara Barrett • M. Black • Lizbeth Selvig • Cailin Briste • Mia Ford • Bambi Lynn • Roxanne Snopek • Stacy Gold • Alex Gordon • Kristine Smith • Marianna Baker • Dragons Geas • Greta Boris • Oliver Chase • Allison Gatta

Visit the Spring Fling Website now to enter!

Coming soon as part of this fun promotion…

Get Ready to Win More Prizes During the Facebook Hop April 21-24!

If you register for this raffle, you’ll also get info about the upcoming Facebook Hop with gift card giveaways at every stop ranging in value from $5 to $50.

Plus, anyone who visits and enters the giveaway at every stop on the tour will be eligible to enter to win the grand prize—winner’s choice of an Amazon Echo Dot or Kindle Fire! Your full map to every author on the hop will be posted on April 20, complete with links to their FB pages. So stay tuned…