Tina Gayle's Blog, page 28

Come Join My #RomanceBooksChat on Tweeter 4/8

Hi everyone,




I wanted to invite you to participate in my Tweeter Chat tomorrow at 7:00 am pst.





It's an hour chat and I'm hoping to learn what reader love about romance books.


There are a few question I'd love to discuss. I'd like to take about 10 to 15 minutes to discuss each topic. The chat is only for an hour so lets keep this hopping.


What do you love about romantic novels?


Which romantic genre do you love?


Heat level? Sweet, spice, hot?


Favorite authors?


Please stop by and join in on the fun,


Tina

Why Did the Bearer of Good Fortune Run Out of Luck? @AuthorMarieMohn Presented by @GoddessFish

Thrilling fantasy, dramatic twists and a stirring love story!
Why did Kaja – a bearer of good fortune – suddenly run out of luck? Shadow creatures lurk
in the dark, one misfortune leads to the next, and her fear of being claimed by the aristocrats
increases by the hour. Furthermore, she is torn between her seaman and the wild wood
wanderer, before whom all warn...
Can she escape her superior opponents? And how will her heart decide?


EXCERPT:


The rotten door of the workshop resisted her attempts to conquer it. It really shouldn’t be such
an effort to close a damned door! Kaja tore at the knob again and held her foot against it. It
was a well-rehearsed ritual between her and the antiquated entrance to the ground floor of her
parents' house – but the house grew more stubborn with every passing day! Or was it because
of her increasing impatience? Finally she managed the deed and left the workshop with the
unfinished business behind.
It was already dark outside – reason enough to declare the day to be over, even if she had only
managed a few candle sculptures today and the freshly stirred ointment gave off a peculiar
The upper floor, where the living area of her family was located, could be reached by a staircase
on the outside of the brick house. The stairs creaked – as usual – but when she entered the
next level, something moved behind her. Who came to them at this late hour? She couldn’t
see anyone. "Is anyone there?" she called hesitantly into the darkness. It was quiet. Still, the
uncomfortable feeling of not being alone lasted.
Quickly she climbed up the stairs and searched for the matching key on the keychain. Just as
she had found it, something hissed behind her. Startled, she dropped the keys. She turned
around and saw ... nothing. However, a very dark, moving nothing – which could only mean one
thing: a shadow creature!






AUTHOR Bio and Links:
As a fantasy writer, office manager and optimist Marie Mohn lives with her husband and her son
happily in the heart of Austria.
Born in 1985 as the daughter of two authors, she was naturally fascinated by the magical world
of books since childhood, devouring one book after another, and soon began to write herself.
Creativity and joy interlink closely in her opinion and she loves to enjoy – besides her own life –
invented worlds and adventures.
The German version of “Talisma” has already been successfully published in 2014. It has plenty
of great reviews (average rating at Amazon 4,9/5).
"Talisma" has been published on 25th February 2015. It offers thrilling entertainment with a
sarcastic heroine, new figures in the world of fantasy (wood wanderers, bearers of good fortune
and shadow creatures) and a stirring love story.
Get the book at Amazon: http://bit.ly/talisma_amazon
http://www.mariemohn.com
https://www.facebook.com/author.marie.mohn
https://twitter.com/AuthorMarieMohn
http://bit.ly/talismatrailer




Marie will be awarding a $20 Amazon/BN GC to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour and three randomly drawn commenters will each receive an ebook copy of the book


Enter to win a $20 Amazon/BN GC – a Rafflecopter giveaway


 Follow the tour and comment for a better chances of winning.


The tour dates can be found here: http://goddessfishpromotions.blogspot.com/2015/03/book-blast-talisma-by-marie-mohn.html


Thanks everyone,


Tina

This Heart of Mine by @Brenda_Novak Presented by @GoddessFish

THIS HEART OF MINE
by Brenda Novak
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
4.5 Stars TOP PICK from RT Book Reviews!
First love. Second chance?
As the daughter of a hoarder, Phoenix Fuller had a tough childhood. So when the handsome,
popular Riley Stinson became her boyfriend in high school, she finally felt as though she had
something to be proud of. Phoenix was desperate not to lose him—especially once she found
out she was pregnant. Yes, she might have acted a bit obsessive when he broke up with her.
But she did not run down the girl he started dating next.
Unfortunately, there was no way to prove her innocence. Now, after serving her time in prison,
Phoenix has been released. All she wants to do is return to Whiskey Creek and get to know her
son. But Jacob’s father isn’t exactly welcoming.
Riley doesn’t trust Phoenix, doesn’t want her in Jacob’s life. He is, however, ready to find
someone to love. And he wants a good mother for his son. He has no idea that he’s about to
~~~~~~~~~~~~~



EXCERPT:




His voice had a rough edge that made her fear he wasn’t taking what she’d said as the apology
she’d intended. “Right,” she said. “Sex and love are two different things, and boys can make
that distinction more easily than girls. That’s all I’m saying. I get that now.”
“I see. What a great thing to learn.”
Was he being sarcastic? She was so confused. “It was a lesson I needed. And learning it the
way I did means I’ll never forget.”
A muscle moved in his cheek.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “Did I say something wrong? I was trying to apologize for...for falling
in love with you. Or for holding on to you when I should’ve let go.” None of this was coming
out right. She could tell that much, so she stopped trying to explain and opted for the direct
approach. “Regardless of anything else, know this―I promise I’ll never single you out like that
again or do anything else to make you uncomfortable.”
There. That had to be clear. She smiled up at him, hoping what she’d said would finally meet
with his approval. But there was that damn frown again. “What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Nothing. Don’t worry. You nailed it. And so innocently, too.”
She pressed her fingers to her temples. The pain meds had really kicked in. “I admit my
thoughts are...somewhat disjointed. What, exactly, did I nail?”
“That you can’t trust a guy,” he replied. “That a guy doesn’t know what love is.”
That sounded a bit harsh. Had she actually said those things? “Maybe not all guys,” she
“Okay. Only me,” he said and walked out.
“I was trying to apologize!” she called after him.
He shook his head as he turned back. “For ever loving me?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~



AUTHOR Bio and Links:
New York Times & USA Today Bestselling Author Brenda Novak is the author of fifty books. A
four-time Rita nominee, she has won many awards, including the National Reader’s Choice,
the Bookseller’s Best, the Book Buyer’s Best, the Daphne, and the Holt Medallion. She also
runs Brenda Novak for the Cure, a charity to raise money for diabetes research (her youngest
son has this disease). To date, she’s raised $2.4 million. For more about Brenda, please visit
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/This-Heart-Whiskey-Creek-Novels/dp/0778316726/ref=tmm_mmp_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1416452899&sr=1-4?tag-brennova09-20

Amazon Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/This-Heart-Whiskey-Creek-Novels-ebook/dp/B00OYCW4RW/ref=asap_B001IGNW9G_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1416452899&sr=1-4?

Barnes & Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/this-heart-of-mine-brenda-novak/1120348728?ean=9780778316725

Barnes & Noble Nook: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/this-heart-of-mine-brenda-novak/1120348728?ean=9781460380536

iBooks: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/this-heart-of-mine/id933737301?mt=11
Kobo: http://store.kobobooks.com/en-US/ebook/this-heart-of-mine-6
https://www.facebook.com/BrendaNovakAuthor


Follow the tour and comment; the more you comment, the better your chances
of winning. The tour dates can be found here: http://goddessfishpromotions.blogspot.com/2015/03/super-book-blast-this-heart-of-mine-by.html-


https://twitter.com/brenda_novak Enter to win a Kindle Fire – a Rafflecopter giveaway

Writing a Story to Recover From a Painful Loss...@AuthorTinaGayle

I started this book after my mother died. I had never lost someone close and the pain was more than I could have imagined.

I spent my days working on stories to help me come to term with my loss.

The fictional story is of a spiritual nature. I had just read Sylvia Brown's book about spiritual guides so I found myself thinking about the family member who had passed before me.

So I developed a family where the orginal settlers in colonial times from the state of Ohio where the spiritual guides of a special member of their family in today's time. The person is the keeper of the Winston Estate.


Now, think about this. Would you like having your great, great, great, great grandfather telling you how to live your life?

Yes, he might understand things better than you do but would you want him judging your every move?



In "Summer's Growth," the family spirits have decided to change out the keeper. Mattie has been doing the job for over twenty years and the spirits feel it's time to get on with her life.

Amber is a young woman, who doesn't even know this leg of the family exist and is contacted to come for a visit. Would you go if someone claim you where going to inherit an estate?

As you can see this is a story of intrigue and mystery with strong paranormal elements. I love romance so could leave that out either.

Strangely as I was writing the book, I felt as if the spirits where talking to me guiding me as to what to write. Okay, I'm a writer and the character in our heads talk to us.


Blurb for
Family Tree Club series-

Keeper of Winston Manor
Advised by spirits
Carving out a future.


Blurb for "Summer's Growth"

A mainstream novel with romantic and paranormal elements. It’s about two women, Mattie Winston, an almost fifty recluse who lives on a lonely estate and guards generations of family spirits, and a young college student, Amber Harrison, who doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life. The Winston spirits decided that Mattie needs to develop a life outside the estate and Amber is going to be the new family keeper, which throws the two together.

Both travel down different paths of self-discovery but their reliance on each other grows stronger after several scary moments. Mattie, challenged by an old flame, rethinks the idea of love. Amber, faced with the appearance of her distant grandmother’s ghost, decides to solve the mystery of why her grandmother disappeared without a trace. By the end of the book, after love is embraced and family secrets are revealed, Mattie and Amber are both ready to meet their futures with enthusiasm as stronger more self-confident people. 


Read First Chapter of "Summer's Growth"

Purchase at
www.smashwords.com
www.amazon.com
www.BN.com
www.kobo.com
www.itunes.apple.com



Purchase paperback at www.createspace.com
or www.amazon.com

Tina

Triberr, The Basics for #MFRWorg @MFRW_ORG

This is a repost of a blog written by Barbara Bradley from the MFRW - Marketing Blog.

What I know about Triberr – The Real BasicsPutting it simply Triberr is a platform for blogs. It helps get your blog out to people who otherwise might not find it. Once you join Triberr and find the proper tribe your tribe members will upload your feed – your blog – to their twitter account.
I’m not going to go into detail on how to get started. Triberr has lots of documents that are easy to understand to help you understand the way it works. I’ve used them and they’re great, I found Triberr very easy to understand. If I had a question they had a tutorial for it. Anyway, once you load your RSS feed to Triberr, and there is a tutorial depending on the blog web site you use, you now have your blog programmed to go out via Triberr and your tribe mates. These tutorials can be found in the little drop down box labeled account, then help.
If everything goes smoothly, and most of the time it does, your blog will load to your stream within a few hours. I give it about a half hour and normally it is there, but every once in a while I have to give it a helping hand. You do need to know enough to know how to check your feed from time to time. I check for my blog and if I don’t see on my stream I go to my settings, then my blogs. There you’ll see the details of your blog, your rss feed and the opportunity to check and make sure it’s working.
Now your stream is the list of blogs waiting for you to release to your twitter account. I try to check mine twice a day and release the ones waiting for me. It doesn’t take long. I belong to ten tribes and can work my way through my list in about five minutes, but I don’t stop and read the blogs when I do that. My main goal is to make sure I release the blogs waiting for me. My tribe mates are kind enough to release mine, I should reciprocate. If I don’t release the blogs of my tribemates why should they release mine?
Since I joined triberr I have had a lot more visits to my blog. It has been a wonderful investment for me and it could be one for you too.
Want more information on Triberr?Try these other INFORMATIVE ARTICLES...All Triberr... A Guide to Getting Started  |  Don't Get Spooked By Triberr  |  WoW! The Impact of Triberr
This Post was provided by MFRW Staff Member, Barbara Bradley.
As a member of Marketing for Romance Writers - I encourage you to check out their site and see how they can help you learn more about marketing your book.


Tina

Different World, Different Rules, Can One Woman Change Her Future? #MFRWauthor #ASMSG

Playing the What if game before writing this book.I asked...
      What if a strong willed woman lived in a land where women are expected to find a mate, marry, and give up their career?  Marohka is lives in Lustralia, a distance land. She is doing important work for her country finding iron ore, but because of tradition she has to attend the Mating Ball. Here if a man approved by the council of elders ask for her hand in marriage she must meet him in a dueling ring.
     After attending the mating ball for the last eight years with no offers, Marohka has given up on the fantasy of having a husband and family. This her last year, she just wants it to be over. She has important matters to attend that require her attention.

     When she meets her mate in the first challenge in the dueling arena. She realizes her dream of having the life she planned is in jeopardy.



Blurb for "Mating Rituals"

With rock-hard fortitude, Marohka Taunton battles to maintain her position as top mineralogist and refuses to see why she should marry even if the law requires she take a mate. Fighting her attraction for Stihl Fermesium, she struggles to save her father's company.



Stihl, determined to win her as his mate, is faced with the commission deal of a lifetime and needs the money to save his family land. He wrestles with her emotional resistance and discovers someone other than Marohka is unhappy about their union. In fact, they want to separate them in the most basic of ways, death.



Visit my website and read the first chapter  http://www.tinagayle.net//mrchapter.html





Or
Purchase ebook at:
www.smashwords.com
www.barnesandnoble.com
www.kobobooks.com
itunes.apple.com
At Amazon

Have a wonderful day,

Tina

Pumpkin by Ines Johnson

Blurb
Single mother Malika “Pumpkin” Tavares lost faith in fairytales after she fell for a toad. Now she believes she’s not cut from the storybook, heroine cloth and searches for Mr. Good Enough amongst the sidekicks and supporting men of the town.

Love at first sight isn’t a cliche for town royalty Armand “Manny” Charmayne. For generations the Charmaynes have spotted their soulmates by seeing a golden aura the first time they laid eyes on The One.
When Manny meets Pumpkin he sees…nothing, but sparks fly off the richter scale. The more he gets to know her the more he considers defying fate, if only he can convince her to take a chance on love again.






The Grand Gesture

Traditionally the Grand Gesture is known to be a common plotting point in romance stories where the hero does something bold or gives up something big in order to show the heroine that his love is true.

In Pride and Prejudice, Darcy puts aside his contempt of Wickham to help save Lydia’s reputation. This grand gesture is what finally convinces Elizabeth to take his hand.

In Twilight, Edward’s grand gesture, the thing that shows his true love of Bella, is when he sucks the poison out of her wrist without killing her.

For more on grand gestures, we’ll turn to the hero of my latest release, Pumpkin: a Cindermama story. This romance is a fairytale retelling of -you guessed it- the Cinderella story.


EXCERPT
The Mistress of Ceremonies hurried through her introductions and then the microphone was in Manny's hand, but he didn't take out the notes of his prepared speech.

"Many of you knew my mother," he began. There was a murmur of nostalgic assent throughout the crowd.

"You may not know that after her diagnosis, she spent most of her days watching romantic comedies. She believed she could laugh the illness out of her body. Her favorite moments in these films were something called the Grand Gesture. That scene just after all hope is lost because one of the lovers, normally the guy, has done something stupid that's led to the end of the relationship. So he thinks up this bold, romantic move to get the woman back."

A glance around the room told Manny that he held the largely female crowd in rapt attention.

"An example of a grand gesture would be a guy telling his estranged wife that she completes him in the midst of an angry mob of women. Or rescuing her underwear from the class geek and returning it to her at her sister's wedding. Or holding a boom box over his head, in front of her bedroom window, early in the morning, while blasting the song that was playing as he deflowered her."

A different wave of nostalgia swept through the crowd this time as they remembered these treasured moments of Hollywood cinema.

"In the real world, some people might call these behaviors creepy, or stalker-ish. But not my mother. She loved them. She believed in love, believed that when you loved someone you said it loud, you showed it often, and you never gave up."

Manny paused here, partly for effect, mostly to collect himself as visions of his mother's joyous face played in his head. He rubbed the heel of his hand against his chest.

"The national divorce rate is 50 percent."

There was no surprise in the room, where most of the men were older and the women on their arms were younger.

"There's never been a divorce in the Charmayne family. Not one recorded anywhere in our family line."

The sparkle of young women's eyes threatened to blind Manny from where he stood on the stage.

"What that means is when a Charmayne gives you their pledge, they are committed."

The decision was a split second one, but once Manny made it he stuck with it. He stepped around the podium, mic in hand and dropped to one knee. The gasp of every woman in the room was near deafening.

"To earn your vote, I will do whatever I have to, including blast Peter Gabriel in the streets. Charmaynes don't quit. I'm committed to this, to the people of this town. I hope that I can count on your vote."

The room erupted in thunderous applause, and the women's eyes sparkled even brighter.



We’ve seen literary heroes perform the feat of a grand gesture near the end of the tale.


In Pumpkin: a Cindermama story, my hero Manny talks about this moment in the first act. I take a moment early in the book to teach the reader the rules of the grand gesture in this speech so that they are prepped for later in the book when I break these rules in favor of a more non-traditional grand gesture near the end of the story. To find out who messed up and how they declared their love in a grand way, pick up the book.


Ines' Amazon Page
http://www.amazon.com/Ines-Johnson/e/B00P5OKTMK


Check out this book at your favorite ebook store.


Tina

Eggcerpt Exchange with Betty Bolte - Sharing Samatha's Secret

Samantha’s Secret by Betty Bolté






Series: A More Perfect Union

Book #: 3


 

Bio for Betty

Betty Bolté writes both historical and contemporary stories that feature strong, loving women and brave, compassionate men. No matter whether the stories are set in the past or the present, she loves to include a touch of the paranormal. Get to know her at www.bettybolte.com.

Social Media Links

Website: www.bettybolte.com

Blog: www.bettybolte.com/blog.htm

Newsletter: www.bettybolte.com/newsletter.htm

Facebook: www.facebook.com/AuthorBettyBolte

Twitter: @BettyBolte

Goodreads: www.goodreads.com/bettybolte

Pinterest: www.pinterest.com/bettybolte9

Amazon: www.amazon.com/author/bettybolte

Tsu: https://www.tsu.co/BettyBolte

eBook Discovery: http://bit.ly/ZOhVhL

Author’s Den: http://www.authorsden.com/visit/author.asp?authorid=6014

 

 

Buy Links

Barnes and Noble:

Kobo:

Amazon: Pre-order: http://amzn.to/1AVKyna

iBooks:

Google:

 

Blurb

In 1782, the fight for independence becomes personal in the port city Charles Town, South Carolina.

Midwife and healer, Samantha McAlester returns from the front lines to find Charles Towne under British siege and the town's new doctor at war with its citizens.

Dr. Trent Cunningham intends to build a hospital staffed solely with educated doctors. What he doesn't need is a raven-haired charlatan spooning out herbs and false promises to his patients, while tempting him at every turn.

Then a mutual friend develops a mysterious infection.  Trenton is stumped.  Samantha suspects the cure but knows treatment will expose her long-guarded secret, risking all she holds dear... including Trenton.

 

Excerpt

Chapter 1

 

Charles Town, South Carolina, 1782

                “I must say, I am glad this day is behind us and we can relax and enjoy the festivities.” Samantha McAlester sighed, trying but failing to release the tension building between her shoulders. As night descended upon the garden, she cringed as barks of laughter interspersed the hum of the party guests’ conversation, increasing in volume along with the flow of wine and ales. Before long, Trent would arrive, and then what would she do? How could she tolerate his presence after his disdain the last time?

                “I find it hard to fathom the danger you and Amy faced.” Emily Sullivan tugged her shawl around her shoulders to ward off the late November chill and slowly shook her head. She swiveled to look at Samantha, her long skirts rustling with the movement. “If Benjamin hadn’t caught up with you, and then Walter hadn’t stepped in to sacrifice his own life to save all of us, I don’t know what we’d have done.”

                “That’s all in the past, Em. Do not dwell on the matter.” The horrifying sound of gun shots around the manor house surely would echo in her mind in a similar manner as to other shots and shouts she’d experienced over the past several years. Walter had vowed to die defending his home, and he kept his word. Emily’s cousin, Evelyn, had lost her husband but gained her freedom from his overbearing nature. “No good can come from reliving this morning’s adventure. Let us close the book on those events.”

                Emily shrugged and let her gaze drift over the garden before focusing on the dark-haired couple strolling away. “You’re probably right, but it’s hard to ignore the sobs from poor Evelyn up in your spare room. Besides, planning a double wedding with such sadness hanging in the air might be considered disrespectful. What do you think?”

                “I think you and Amy have the right to marry your betrotheds. And moreover, this town needs the happy event after the terror and uncertainty we’ve endured under the British occupation.” Standing beneath the peaked roof of the white-washed gazebo, which was draped in dormant climbing rose vines, Samantha hesitated to follow two of her closest friends as they made their way toward the cluster of guests.

                Emily’s white teeth flashed as she chuckled. “I never thought I could be as happy as I am in preparing to marry Frank.”

                “The idea of holding the wedding at the end of the holidays is brilliant.” Samantha glanced at Emily, and couldn’t prevent a smile from easing onto her lips. “Everyone will already be in a festive mood and gathered in town to be with family and friends.”

                Emily bobbed her head and then indicated the pair moving away from them. “They appear to be as besotted with each other as Frank and I.”

                Amy Abernathy and Benjamin Hanson ambled away from her, arm in arm down the crushed seashell and pea gravel path toward tables laden with a variety of meats and sweets. So much had happened over the past year, month, even day, she couldn’t imagine what more awaited in the near future as the fight for America’s independence from British rule ended in victory. One thing remained certain: all the dueling and fighting, the anxiety and terror, her friends had endured since the beginning of October had been relegated to the past. As the Britons prepared to evacuate, she and her compatriots could all look to the future and plan for a better world. Mostly, in the event. Her heart sunk at the thought of Trent’s imminent arrival.

                From where Samantha stood at the very back corner of the property, she could see over the heads of her guests as they wandered through the unusually large and diverse garden. Winding paths crisscrossed the area, providing easy access to the variety of flowers, vegetable and herbal plants, and bushes. Several tall oaks and cypress lent shade in the summer heat as well as ingredients for her simples and poultices. She drew in a deep breath of crisp fall air along with the sense of peace only this space evoked. As long as her parents owned the sizeable property, she’d be content with life.

                They’d spent years designing and creating the perfect medicinal garden, containing every kind of beneficial plant that would grow in the hot and humid southern climate. Surely they’d never move. Not after all their hard work and expense. But with the tensions in town targeted at those who sympathized with the British, the future for her family remained unclear, like the harbor on a foggy morning. What if they were forced out by the British? Or someone else? The South Carolina government had initiated a list of known loyalists whose property was subject to confiscation as the British withdrew. Had her father’s loyalties become too flagrant in recent months? Unease fluttered in her stomach, and she pressed a hand to her waist, trying to quell the turmoil within. What would she do without her lovely garden and charming home? Indeed, without her loving yet stubborn parents?



www.BettyBolte.com / www.facebook.com/AuthorBettyBolte / @BettyBolteSignup for her newsletter at www.bettybolte.com/newsletter.htm to be first to hear of new releases!


Thanks Betty for sharing,


Tina 

A #Ebook Store That Support Indie Authors

Have you looked at adding your books to Coffee Times Romance?


I'm added my books to a number of different ebook stores but I have to say that CTR does the best job of supporting it's indies authors.


They send out post like below to their readers and let them know when your book go up on their site.


KarenneLyn is very helpful and makes you feel as if you are a valued member of the CTR team.


Take a good at their site and see what you think.


I'm sure KarenneLyn would love to help you add your books to the site.




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Linda Heavner Gerald - Confessions of an Assassin

Confessions of an Assassin is the story of Catherine Carnegie.  Although she was born to a wealthy, prestigious family from New York, her dream was all things southern.  “Cat” finally obtained everything that she dreamed of since childhood. Once established in the loveliest home in Eufaula, Alabama, she meets a vaguely familiar man from her college days who changes her life.  What begins as a fun diversion attending state dinners in Washington, soon immerses her in a dangerous unknown government agency.  Despite attempts to withdraw from their clutches, she realizes that they are ruthless and unwilling to ever let her leave.  Her assignments become more dangerous; sent to various places all over the globe.  Eventually, she is given her most heart wrenching assignment in Bali, Indonesia which will change her life forever. 

CHAPTER ONE: Looking BackIt all began so innocently. Looking back, it causes great sadness to think of the person I was at that time. Young, full of promise; I thought of myself as beautiful, so superior to the others. Now, I realize just how foolish, off course I had become, even in college, from the young girl in Manhattan, New York. My parents were part of “The” Carnegies. Our heritage caused great pride in all of us, even though my family was considered “the bottom of the line”. Father and mother were labeled “rebels.” Plenty of money and prestige, they were easily accepted at family functions.  Yet, they were considered different. Never did they put on airs as some of the more distant family members frequented. Socially, their friends were very diverse. Those friends would not have been accepted by the rest of the family. I, on the other hand, was a snob, just like the distant others. Pure and simple if people didn’t meet my standards for beauty or style, I wasn’t interested. I surrounded myself with shallow and contemptuous people. Easy to be happy when you are told only what is expected, never the truth. To my mind, they were true friends. Believing that they would always be just that, I wrapped myself in their lies. What a foolish and shallow person I also was.  This reference is not to my circle of friends.  True friends, I had six of them.  They remain my family.  The contemptuousness to which I refer was a group.  Not any group but a hallowed governmental organization to which membership was indeed rare.  My inclusion caused great pride in the beginning.  Later, I would see the depths to which they condescended to achieve their warped objectives.  Until I die, I shall regret my frivolous notion that affiliation with them ever achieved anything more than the greatest loss of my life.Now, I am an older woman at the proud age of fifty but I am not proud. How I wish that I had taken a different course. If only I followed the principles of my grandfather. Faith was a cornerstone for him. I possessed that faith but as I matured, I thought it “uncool.” So, I allowed my friends to direct my choices even though that small voice inside tried to give me the right direction. Many mistakes over the course of my life until I suddenly figured out that I was a mess. Then, I needed much correction just as a sailboat which erred off course for a long time. Changing my life and cleaning up my mistakes proved difficult and costly. In fact, I find it impossible to remove the baggage which I created. The big regret of my life was allowing my country to dictate actions which were despicable. For my country, I committed the unthinkable act. It happened so slowly, getting caught in the web of lies. My life seemed glamorous; more than I ever dreamed. My actions became more and more exciting. The thrill was like a drug, I required added doses. Mounting danger simply increased the rush which I experienced. Yet, I told myself that I was noble, doing the right thing. To this day, I am not sure of one act; that treacherous thing which rids me of sleep even now. Right or wrong, I know I have received forgiveness. God has forgiven me, this I know but I can’t forgive myself. I suffer daily. Sometimes, when I am lying alone in a cold bed; I remember the life that I once possessed. The love which I shared with a man whom I never really knew; or did I? They told me I misread him. He was not the man whom I loved. That is the saddest part of my life. The part which I still grieve; the loss I unwittingly created.  That loss is sometimes still unbearable. I acted without regard to his love. Superiority never allowed me to question my actions.“Just do what you are told; act, don’t react;” brain washing created a lifestyle, a way of thought. After my loss, when regret overcame me, it proved too late. Maybe I could never prove his innocence. No proof was ever given to me of the “terrorist actions” he supposedly committed. How could I know the truth about him? I couldn’t. For the rest of my days, I question if there was a chance that he was my love.  Still, my mind was wired to believe them.  Had he merely used me to fulfill his objectives? The beautiful life which I treasured, which I still miss; was it really a lie? Could he have been so devious and cunning? 




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