C.J. Sears's Blog, page 11

My Physician

“I love the Lord because He has heard my appeal for mercy. Because He has turned His ear to me, I will call out to Him as long as I live.” (Psalm 116:1-2)

Many are called to God. Most would say His mercy is great and incomparable. But I think for me, I thank and serve Him especially for this reason. When I look to God, I want to be looking through the lens in which He is my Father and I am an adopted child, a co-heir with Christ. I don’t always succeed, but I believe and know that’s who He is to us all.

When I was saved – and I’ve told this story a few times, but it never gets old – He raised me up from nothing. I had no hope. I was in the deepest darkest pit of despair, an endless abyss, a bottomless oblivion. But He was there.

I thought I had nothing but death and misery ahead of me. I imagined myself adrift at sea, held upright only by my own sheer will to survive. If the sharks came, it’d be over. There was nothing to keep them from tearing me to bloody chunks of agony.

But He was there. I feared the end, so I cried. I cast myself into an improbable future and saw only loneliness and the void. Then He reached out to me and His Spirit touched my heart and stirred my soul.

I prayed. And prayed. And prayed some more. If anyone was listening, I cried that they might secure my soul. And He did. And I read the Word. I came to know the Word. The Word loved me, little old me, and I began to love Him.

So I was born again. It’s been almost two years, but I still recall that time with much joy. It’s the kind of glad tiding that never loses its grip on me. He loved me. He showed me grace and mercy where I thought there was none. He cured me of a long-standing addiction practically overnight. He be became my physician and my Savior.

Here I stand. I am not His Son, but I am one of His children. It’s a great place to be for a kid who thought he had nothing to look forward to in life. There’s nowhere I’d rather belong. Thank You, Jesus. Thank You, Father, for Your Son and Your Spirit.

May you who read this be encouraged by the richness of His mercy. May you be blessed by His peace and believe in His Holy Name. Thanks for reading and grace be to you. Amen.

A Letter to God

To the One who loved me from before the foundation of the world,

Lord, guard my life. Protect my soul. Lead me to the promised land. Let the light of Christ shine in me. Let my belief in Him be strengthened and grow with time and experience. Father, may Your Only Begotten Son be the head of my life. Lord, let Your Spirit be my steward. God, let me not languish in self-loathing, but be liberated by the spirit of freedom.

O’ God, remind me of my adoption. O’ Lord, press me into joy. May Your goodness and faithful love follow me, pursue me, all the days of life. As David says, You are my Shepherd and I lack nothing with You. You, Father, have passed me from death to life through your Son’s sacrifice.

Two births and one death. You have blessed me with a loving family on earth. You have given me all that I could ever need even in my darkest of times. Lord God, do not leave me. I know You will not, for You are faithful. I know You will not, for You are You, the great I AM.

Lord, if I am to remain here, in this bodily prison, then let the freedom of Christ burn my chains. Grant me the peace that surpasses understanding. Stand me to my feet and work Your will within me.

I do not know what lies ahead, but in You I have comfort. I do not know the suffering I will endure, but You are with me. I do not know what I can do, what I can change, what will change, or if there’s something more for me as Your beloved adopted child, but I place my trust and faith in You.

I am not a perfect man. I am not a sinless man. But I know One who is. Jesus is Lord and by Your grace, Your mercy, I will never forget. Father, I was a hopeless child, but You gifted me hope. Lord, I was a hapless sinner, but You opened my eyes. God, I was broken and dead, but You gave me new life.

Thank You, Father. Thank You, Jesus. Thank You, Holy Spirit. In Your wisdom, Your sovereignty, Your love, I rest. Amen.

Love & Sin

I talk a lot about sin. As a Christian, it’d be difficult to avoid discussion of that which has bound, broken, and cursed mankind. Scripture begins with God’s Creation, which subsequently is corrupted by our rebellion and the deception of Eve. Scripture shows us both the depth of our bodily evil and the light of hope that glitters in the dark. At the end, we are redeemed by the grace of God – all who believe on Christ – and granted eternal life with our Lord and Savior, not by right or works, but undeserved mercy.

There’s no getting around the Truth. None of us can undo what our forefathers did. Nor can we make amends for our own sin. And yes, you have sinned and are a sinner, don’t fool yourself. It’s not healthy and it won’t get you anywhere good.

“If we say, ‘We have no sin,’ we are deceiving ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say, ‘We don’t have any sin,’ we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.” (1 John 1:8-10)

Alright, so I’m a sinner. Admitting you have a problem, as they say, is the first step to recovery. But that doesn’t quite get us to what liberates us. Christ frees us, through His sacrifice, from the bondage of sin. It no longer enslaves us to its wretched curse. We will still die from its painful wages. We will still sin. But it is no longer our master and we’re no longer destined for hell.

Scripture tells us: “Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Messiah has been born of God, and everyone who loves the Father also loves the one born of Him. This is how we know that we love God’s children when we love God and obey His commands. For this is what love for God is: to keep His commands. Now His commands are not a burden, because whatever has been born of God conquers the world. This is the victory that has conquered the world: our faith. And who is the one who conquers the world but the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.” (1 John 5:1-5)

John’s big on love and honesty, as you can see. So what does he tell us is the command of God? It’s rather implicit in that text, but perhaps you need more to go on.

“Now this is His command: that we believe in the name of His Son Jesus Christ, and love one another as He commanded us. The one who keeps His commands remains in Him, and He in him. And the way we know that He remains in us is from the Spirit He has given us.” (1 John 3:23-24)

Now, where have seen this before? Well, multiple times. The Gospels are full of Christ’s commands to His followers. But since we’re talking about John, let’s use a passage from his text. Here Jesus says: “I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34)

Love one another. It sounds like a cheesy slogan, but for Christ and those in Him it is Truth. It’s not a rallying call for tolerance. It’s a command to love. It’s not an advertisement for peace and prosperity. It’s a command to love. It’s not a politician’s cry for support. It’s a command to love.

This love escapes us most often. How do you love as Christ commands? Is there a step-by-step guide in Scripture? Not really. Theologians have come up with categories of love throughout the centuries, but this blog is too small for something in-depth like that. And I’m not that smart.

Love and sin. We are sinners. We love to sin. Christ loves sinners. But Christ does not love sin. This isn’t that kind of equation. Sin is a disease and quite incurable outside of Christ’s sacrifice. We won’t see the end of it in our lifetimes. Yet He loves us so that the Lord our God, our Father in heaven, sacrificed His Only Begotten Son in our stead.

All who believe know this Truth: Christ died for sinners. He has paid our massive and incalculable debt. We cannot add to it. We cannot subtract from it. Nothing we can ever do will merit our salvation. We are saved by grace through faith, not of works, lest we should boast (Ephesians 2:8-9).

Will there be works in those who believe? Yes, but they come solely from the finished work of Christ, arising in those He foreknew, predestined, justified, and glorified (Romans 8:28-30). Yet grace is what we should boast of, because it is our proof of his mercy, our blessed hope, and if grace were to become works, it would cease to be grace (Romans 11:6). And indeed, we are already sealed by the Holy Spirit unto salvation (Ephesians 1:13-14).

I don’t know about you, but this love scares me. How can anyone look on us despicable creatures and think we’re worth saving? We lie, cheat, steal, murder, pillage, rape, oppress, and manipulate each other. We are, none excluded, the worst sorts of people. All of us, working in tandem, cannot hope to match the love He has for us. It is incomparable. Immeasurable. Above all. Amen.

Thanks and praise belong to Him. Thank you for reading. Peace be with you and God bless.

Self-Worth: Man Made in God’s Image

Earlier, I wrote something to ease the discontentment of a Christian brother. I don’t know him personally (and not before this post), but I could tell he needed to hear it. I pray that it helped alleviate his pain. Thinking that it might help some of you who read this blog, I’ve decided to share what I’ve written in this “letter” to this unnamed Christian:

I feel you, brother. I too have had a life of emotional misery. Often I’ve imprisoned myself in a self-made cell over my failings and sins. At the darkest point of my life, I wished for death but didn’t want it. I craved an ending but I feared it. And then the Lord came and showed me His love. He shined a light in the darkness and my chains began to break.

Now, some might think that’s where the story ends. But any honest Christian will admit that knowing Him doesn’t magically transform life into an endless procession of rainbows, sunshine, and puppies. There are ups and downs, dark nights of the soul, where we become prodigals, doubting Thomas, and embrace the worst of ourselves, our sin, and the lying words of the enemy.

Thank God that our Lord Jesus perseveres in us. We are His. We can sink low, deep beneath the surface, but He is there. Pray, brother, pray, even when you’ve hit that rock bottom of life. Turn your hatred of your life and your existence over to Him and be made well.

But perhaps those words ring hollow. I know that platitudes don’t often light a fire in one’s belief. Although our circumstances are a little different, brother, I’ve been suffering a great deal of melancholy myself as of late. I’ve felt worthless, pointless, often to the point of wishing He’d take me home already so that I wouldn’t have to meander through my life’s problems.

But brother, I know He loves me. And He loves you. In what you’ve told me, you’ve described His very love for you. It wasn’t mere fear that kept you from sleeping with that woman – it was the will of God. The Lord saved you from making a grave and sinful mistake that might’ve sent you into a worse downward spiral.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

I write this as much for you as myself. Again I say that we’re not so different. In fact, I think you’ll find that many of us, even those who might hide it best, suffer from this syndrome of feeling hated and worthless. The plight of Job isn’t reserved to only a few and neither are the lessons therein.

If you take nothing else from this post, then remember this Scripture (which I find always helps in my darker moments):

“Therefore, no condemnation now exists for those in Christ Jesus, because the Spirit’s law of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death. What the law could not do since it was limited by the flesh, God did. He condemned sin in the flesh by sending His own Son in flesh like ours under sin’s domain, and as a sin offering, in order that the law’s requirement would be accomplished in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.” (Romans 8:1-4)

If you are in Christ, you are not condemned but loved.

“This is the message of faith that we proclaim: If you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” (Romans 10:9)

Peace be with you, brother. I hope this helps ease your discontented mind and brings you closer to Christ.

You can surmise from this that this brother wasn’t in the best of states. I won’t be too specific, but you can catch on that his plight entails a great deal of self-condemnation. I wonder if low self-esteem is a common factor in some Christians? I know that I’ve always kind of hated myself (before I knew my sin) in a way that isn’t healthy. Being a Christian doesn’t cure that feeling – not out the gate, I don’t think – but perhaps coming to know the Lord as savior and our worth as human beings is a big step in recovery.

I grew up fat. I didn’t start getting healthy and losing weight until 2012. Most of you probably know this from personal interaction with me or because you’ve read these posts before, but it’s not a secret that I was obese. Compound that with social awkwardness, introversion, and nerd interests and you have the perfect recipe for a disagreeable view of loathsome self-worth.

I thank God that He led my dad to care for me so that an exercise regimen soon became a part of my life. I have my off-days even now, but five or so years of regular exertion have kept me fit. Dropping from 256 lbs (if I recall correctly) to a range between 160-170 is no small feat and again I thank my biological dad and furthermore my God in heaven for that.

But the point of this post isn’t about my weight loss all those years ago. No, the point is the continued necessity to remember that we are made in the image of God. We are beloved. Those in Christ have a great Shepherd who brings them into the fold even when they go to the darkest depths. Don’t believe me? Scripture tells us:

“Then God said, ‘Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness. They will rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, the livestock, all the earth, and the creatures that crawl on the earth.’ So God created man in His own image; He created him in the image of God; He created them male and female.” (Genesis 1:26-27)

The Psalmist (David, in this instance) declares of the sovereignty of God: “Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I stand up; You understand my thoughts from far away. You observe my travels and my rest; You are aware of all my ways.” & “For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother’s womb.” (Psalm 139:1-3 & 19)

Jesus tells his disciples: “Aren’t two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them falls to the ground without your Father’s consent. But even the hairs of your head have all been counted. So don’t be afraid therefore; you are worth more than many sparrows.” (Matthew 10:29-31)

Jesus instructs (while referencing nearby children): “What do you think? If a man has 100 sheep, and one of them goes astray, won’t he leave the 99 on the hillside and go and search for the stray? And if he finds it, I assure you: He rejoices over that sheep more than over the 99 that did not go astray. In the same way, it is not the will of your Father in heaven that one of these little ones perish.” (Matthew 18:12-14)

Take this reminder that you are not alone. You are loved by Him. You were created by Him. He brought your parents together. You were not an accident. You are not a mistake. You have worth, intrinsic value, because of the Lord your God. Step boldly, look in the mirror, and tell yourself God’s honest truth: I am worthy of living. Even more, believe: I am worthy of living a life in Christ – not by my own righteousness, for I have none, but by His grace and mercy, His sacrifice. Even when I am faithless, He is faithful. Amen.

Thanks and praise be to God for this post. I wanted to write something last week, but couldn’t muster what I needed to get it done. I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s entry and that it has been, at the very least, mildly helpful to those who suffer from their own lack of self-worth.

Godspeed, peace be with you, and let His love shine upon and through you!

The One About Fear and a Couple Other Points

It’s been a while since the last post, hasn’t it? Don’t know what you’ll think of this one, but it’s what occurred to me as a decent topic. Yes, the title’s a Friends reference. Enjoy.

So, as human beings, we’re prone to various kinds of fear. Fear can drive a man to do great or terrible things, even greatly terrible things. Fear motivates and manipulates action and reaction, perhaps leading to inaction in the worst cases. None of us are immune to it. I’m not saying anything profound here, but it’s true for me that fear has been a large part of my life.

I overthink. I’m not particularly impulsive. That’s not in my character. If you present me with an unwinnable solution, I’m going to mire myself in every possible outcome and be too late to react in an appropriate manner. This is probably true of more people than are willing to admit it, but that’s where I fall and fail.

Even something as simple as what movie to put on before I go to sleep takes more time than it should. Why am I bothering to debate with myself regarding a background image I’ll barely watch? Who knows! But that’s me – decision paralysis embodied in the flesh.

So let’s talk about Book 3. What’s holding me back? Fear. Indecision. That’s not the whole scope of it, but I do think a kind of fear has enveloped me in a cocoon of do-nothing. It’s the fear that I can’t write what I want to write. It’s the fear that, looking ahead, I am incapable of pulling off the narrative inside my head.

It’s the fear that I have a good book in me and I simply don’t want to write it. It’s as if all of my self-confidence is stripped the second I realize just what I need to do to make the novel work. It’s the feeling that I’m entirely in the wrong, that the plot is too out-there, to work in the context of my series. It’s not – that’s what the rational part of me says – but my mind or my heart has tricked me into thinking I cannot possibly accomplish the task ahead.

So I stopped writing. It’s been over a month. A number of thoughts have entered my mind about what to do. Should I scrap what I have? Should I rethink the rest of the novel? Do I, for some reason, need a co-author with a better handle on how to deliver my vision? Would it be better to call the whole thing off and let “The Shadow Over Lone Oak” and “The Smiling Man Conspiracy” remain a relatively contained duology?

Is it a good thing for an author to admit he’s struggling to write? Maybe not. Maybe being open and honest with my readers will drive them away. Given I can’t market drugs into the hands of an addict, that wouldn’t surprise me. But that’s not me. I have to be forthcoming. Hiding the truth has never worked out for me (and it’s a sin to lie, obviously, which is not an afterthought).

And while we’re being upfront, I’ll just go ahead and say that the working title for Book 3 is “The Darkest Valley” and that’d be a quote-unquote big reveal down the line if it weren’t for all the stalling in my process. “The Lost and the Dead” was an alternate title I ran with at the start, but it’s a mouthful.

“There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment.” (1 John 4:18)

At first glance, this passage suggests that love eradicates fear. But when you quote the Word to someone like a platitude and miss the context of the passage, you’re doing no favors. I bring this up because often, when someone is confused and hurting, a person will utilize part of Scripture to help their ailing friend. Admirable, but mistaken. This is about the perfect love of God for his children driving out the fear of punishment for their sins. It’s not a catch-all counterpoint to the very concept of fear.

That’s kind of an aside – and not directed toward anyone – but it’s something that I thought of these past weeks. All Scripture is profitable for instruction, but misapplied Scripture doesn’t get the best results.

Is there a point to this blog post? Well, it gets me writing again, so that’s something. Whether this gets me back into the groove or not remains to be seen. I hope to get back in the novel game. I really want to see the third book come to fruition on the page. I think it’ll blend some unexpected plot points and genres together, but before it can do that it needs to make the transition from mind to page.

Anyway, that’s what I’ve got this week. It’s not deep. Perhaps voicing my concerns will give rise to that creative spark. I pray that it does.

Thanks and praise be to the Lord. May He bless you in your life and may you know Him, know Jesus, as your Savior. Thanks for reading and have a good week…

…and parents, uh, be ready to comfort your children if they go see Infinity War. Nothing to do with this post, but there’ll probably be tears in their eyes. No spoilers, but it gets rough.

God bless and peace be with you.

This Abominable Paralysis

I feel like I’m in a holding pattern. No matter what I’m thinking or doing, I can’t seem to muster the energy to write. I have a general structure, plot ideas, and genuine excitement for events that I intend to take place in Book 3, but they won’t leap from my brain to the page. I think and I plot and I plan, but I can’t be bothered to look at a blank page of my book and start typing. It’s like every ounce of vigor, every bit of mojo, has been drained from my body by a phantom vampire, an eldritch fiend with a taste for cleansing a man of his enthusiasm, ambition, and drive.

I don’t get it. I don’t understand my paralysis. I can’t fathom why I’m not writing. Even what I’m sharing with you now is a strain. I’ve become so swallowed up by an incomparable lethargy that it taxes me to do any of the things I want to do – whether evangelism or novel writing. This abominable paralysis doesn’t appear to be a flash in the pan. It has its hooks in me and won’t let go.

I’m praying, obviously. I know if I have nothing else in this life, I can be contented and rest in Christ. I’ve been in worse mental states, especially prior to my rebirth because of Him. It’s just frustrating to not be able to do the one thing you feel called to be doing with your God-given talents.

The day after Easter, I made the following statement on my Facebook page:

Hey. Just want to say that there may not be a blog post today. As much as I feel like I don’t deserve a break, I don’t think I’ll be sharing much in the way of thoughts or evangelizing like usual. Don’t worry, it’s not depression or something to be concerned about. There’s just the feeling that I don’t need to be writing today.

Part of me wonders if I should force myself to put something out, but I don’t think that’d serve the good of anyone. So while I’m not guaranteeing anything in the way of a time frame, rest assured that the blog isn’t ending, I’m not hurting, and there’s more to come.

I’d like to say I’m utilizing this time to write more of Book 3, but that’s a coin for the wishing well. The way’s it’s unfolding, you’d think I’ve become the guy of infinite regressive knots. There exists, currently, 7 chapters and 91 pages. Believe me when I say that I hate the lack of progress more than you do. Neither of the previous books has been this much of a pain to get from my brain to the page.

So, this post will have to suffice. I’m sorry there’s not much interesting to say. I’m especially sorry that I don’t have something from the Bible to discuss at any length. I feel like I’m letting a lot of folks down, but that’s the wrong way to go about writing, isn’t it?

Anyway, sorry for the lengthy rambling. I’ll let you know when there’s something new to read or updates on the Book. Hope you’re having a good Monday and had a great Easter. God bless and peace be with you.

This, sadly, remains true. I’ve written about 130 more words for Book 3, but nothing else. So I’m stuck. A monster has latched onto me and I can’t banish it to the shadow realm. If everything in life could be solved by card games, it’d be much simpler. And weird. And probably pretty bad for the economy and school attendance. Yeah, nix that last idea.

Maybe I do have depression. I don’t think I do, but what do I know? I’m not a physician or a therapist. I know depression isn’t simply feeling sad – and I don’t feel all that sad, to be honest, just eternally confused – but what could it be? Is it a seasonal affective disorder? I admit my writing progress seems to consistently wane in Spring, but even so I don’t know if it’s ever played out quite like this.

Well, I guess there’s no crying over it. I either write or I don’t. Trying to push through the paralysis by sheer force of will? That can’t result in anything good for the story or my career or evangelism. At the end of it all, I have what I need. What I always needed even when I didn’t know it.

“The Lord is my Shepherd. There is nothing I lack.” (Psalm 23:1)

So I’m thankful for that, at least. And I hope that a day will soon come when my writing is fruitful once more. But for now, I’ll stick to a looser schedule. Until the unwelcome guest goes home – and it really needs to go, it has far overstayed its visit – these blog posts won’t be regular. I’ll make them when I feel the urge.

Thank you for reading. God bless and peace be with you, readers. And thanks and praise be to Him who saved me and gave me a new purpose in life. None of this would be possible without the Lord. May His name be glorified and may you know His profound love. Amen.

First Look: Book 3 Opening Moments

While I don’t have a proper blog post to share with you – I think I’m still reenergizing – I did think of something I could offer. Book 3 may not be anywhere close to completion, but there’s enough on the table that I can present the following snippet without spoiling the plot.

So, without further ado, I present to you the opening paragraphs of Book 3. The chapter is titled “On the Road to Glory” and introduces one of the new primary characters. Enjoy!

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The harsh rays of the sun threatened to beat most men into submission, but Elias Cobb gave the big citrine brute no quarter as he deflected a bony fist aimed at his chin. The man opposite him was a moron with no form and no practice. No challenge.

Cobb caught his opponent’s wrist and wrenched his spindly arm behind him. Throwing his weight against the smaller man’s back, he pinned his foe to the ground. Yanking outward, he listened to his victim’s pleas for mercy. He had no intention of granting a pardon.

“Your weakness is your shame,” said Cobb, soaking in the sweat of his victory. “Wear this pain as a badge of honor.”

He twisted the arm until he heard the distinctive sound of brittle bones snapping. When he finished, he brought the man to his feet. With the heel of his boot, he kicked the man into the gathered crowd, knocking over orange jumpsuits like bowling pins.

I’m glad to be able to put something in front of your eyes. Like I said, it’s a small bit. I hope it whets your appetite for the future novel. It might not be for awhile. I doubt I’ll finish and publish it in the first half of this year as I intended, but it’s coming.

And I don’t think I’m done using this blog as an evangelistic tool, either. By the grace of God, there’ll be something on the horizon. But even if there isn’t, I pray that it’s helped some of you keep or strengthen your faith.

God bless and peace be with you.

The Last Jedi: The Missteps of a Singular Vision

A few days ago, on a brisk March morning, Star Wars: The Last Jedi released on Bluray and DVD. I know, it’s a little known franchise. Sounds like some kind of SyFy channel original movie, right? Probably stars some B-listers with a script written by a monkey. I bet it made like two bucks at the cinema.

Okay, sarcasm aside, I think most of the world is pretty familiar with this multibillion-making franchise. The marketing is endless. You can’t go anywhere without this space opera seeping into culture. Merchandising is practically the heart of the machine for Star Wars success as an intellectual property.

But merchandising means nothing if it’s not based on a story or a product that people are enamored with. No one’s buying toys based on props from Manos: The Hands of Fate or Plan 9 From Outer Space. There must be something the audience likes about this film franchise that has allowed it to stand the test of time. What is it?

When George Lucas set out to make Star Wars, he wanted to capture the adventure, romance, and spirited fantasy of the action serials and westerns he grew up with. We’re drawn to the call for something greater, something that jolts our hearts with excitement. Lucas tapped into that inner cavity with his films and he did it to the march of millions of dollars.

So, why is it that The Last Jedi, the eighth episode in this long-running franchise, is adamant on disavowing so much of what makes the series what it is? Did Director Rian Johnson foresee the clash of icons, the pitfalls of fandom, when he decided to create and craft the script for this film? Yes. No. Both.

He’s given a number of interviews over the past four months. The documentary on the disc covers some of what transpired during production between himself and actor Mark Hamill. One thing to me became clear: he had a singular vision for the film. He knew what he wanted from the script, his actors, and the general through-line of the movie. This was, in my opinion, to the film’s detriment, because Johnson simply wasn’t prepared for what he meant to accomplish.

There are flashes of brilliance in the film. I don’t hate the movie, in spite of what I’m about to say. I think, had he merely been a co-writer or only the director, Rian Johnson might’ve made something truly worthy of the praise it’s garnered from critics. But, being perhaps the singular mind behind the work, he fell to the same sin we’re all guilty of: pride.

In his hubris, Johnson either didn’t understand or chose to ignore all the negative voices pushing against his authorial intent. To Johnson, Star Wars is about capturing that youthful enthusiasm he had as a boy playing with his action figures. To Johnson, being the director of this film meant he could take the story in bold new directions, that he could liberate the franchise from the dregs of repetition and the basic setups.

But he’s not successful. Johnson, whose appearance behind the camera shows him to be quirky and off-beat, didn’t have a finger on the impulse of Star Wars. He didn’t get it in the way that most have throughout the forty or so years of its existence. So he made mistakes. He pushed himself so much into the work that he forgot what he was making.

THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS. OBVIOUSLY.

Every Star Wars film opens with a ship in space and subsequent conflict.

Episode 1: Jedi Knights board a Trade Federation vessel and negotiations go sour.

Episode 2: An assassination attempt is made on Senator Padme’s life.

Episode 3: The Battle Over Coruscant takes place as the Jedi race to save Chancellor Palpatine.

Episode 4: Darth Vader pursues Princess Leia to retrieve the stolen Death Star plans.

Episode 5: The Empire discovers the Rebels’ hidden base on Hoth and send in their army.

Episode 6: Vader boards the second Death Star and reveals that the Emperor will be making a personal visit soon.

Episode 7: The First Order begin the descent to Jakku where they’ll slaughter villagers in the search for a map to Luke Skywalker.

Episode 8: The First Order appears over the Resistance Base on D’Qar. Conflict is imminent. So Poe Dameron makes a daring and devastating maneuver known as—a prank call.

Let’s stop and look at that. All the films open with the promise of conflict. Said conflict is taken seriously as if there are lives at stake. There are, occasionally, moments of light-hearted humor in a few of these openings. “The negotiations were short.” But it’s not until Episode 8 that our first introduction to the conflict is through the humor itself. It’s bizarre. It throws the tone of the movie into an immediate tumble from which it never really recovers.

Poe then does his thing and the fighting begins. He makes some rash decisions and lives are lost. He’s now got a character arc to undergo! Hooray! It’s a shame that it comes at the cost of a coherent plot and basic logic. Once the bridge of their ship is blown up and the Resistance comes under the leadership of Admiral Holdo, everything falls apart.

But before we get to that, let’s point out that we’re reintroduced to most of our primary characters with humor:

Poe through a prank call.
Finn through a leaky suit that looks ridiculous.
Luke and Rey through him casually tossing a lightsaber over his shoulder.
The First Order (Hux and Kylo Ren) through slapstick humiliation by their leader.

Already, there’s a pattern of humor undercutting the seriousness of the film. This never goes away, not completely. It’s not as pervasive as some believe, but it’s there. Imagine Guardians of the Galaxy sans charm. That’s what we’re dealing with.

Alright, so the conceit of the film is that the Resistance is being tracked through hyperspace by the First Order. They’re running out of fuel. The slowest chase that any space feature has ever seen ensues. Why don’t the First Order finish them off? Because their fighters would be out of range, says Hux.

What? Since when do the bad guys care about losing men? On the off chance that they’d lose a few fighters, wouldn’t it still make sense to secure their victory rather than delay it and give the Resistance a slim opportunity to escape?

But I’ll let that slide. Villains are almost always prideful in fiction. That’s a valid enough excuse to work with. What the Resistance does as a reaction is far less functional.

Leia gets blown into space, becomes Superman, and goes into a coma. Admiral Holdo takes over. She has no patience for flyboys like Poe Dameron, that hothead. Didn’t he just get demoted? Better not let him know that they have a plan to survive. One should always keep those you believe will act impulsively in the dark. Never tell anyone in your crew the truth. Authority reigns.

Poe, who hasn’t read the script, thinks Holdo is being a coward and a traitor. He, along with Maz Kanata, devises a way to stop the First Order tracking them alongside Finn and new character Rose. So the latter two embark on a side-quest to find an NPC with rogue skills so they can bust into the First Order’s lead ship. Said character is located on a casino planet called Canto Bight, home to the wealthy 1% of the galaxy.

And so the adventure of a confused message, bad dialogue, and weird plotting begins! If I’m to take this section of the story seriously, I have to turn my brain off. I have to ignore that:

There’s really no valid justification for why the First Order aren’t tracking the small ships that would make obvious escape vehicles.
That a superior officer neglected to fill in someone they believe to be a hothead that there’s a plan in place for no compelling reason. You don’t have to tell him the specifics. These people are kind of scared for their lives, Holdo. You’d think it’d be better to reassure them with that hope you keep talking about in that overly long line of dialogue that repeats as one of the film’s messages.
How does Maz know this codebreaker will be on Canto Bight at this exact moment in time? How does any of them know that he’ll even be at this particular casino? Has anyone stopped to think of the sheer improbability of this?
Why is freeing the animals worth it? Why are they more valuable than the child slaves? Why does Rose’s character do nothing but make poor arguments, speak horrible dialogue, and generally get in the way of solid plotting?

Alright. So Canto Bight happens. They don’t get the NPC they want, but a shady character joins the party. Luckily, he’s got the hacker skills they need to pull off this quest and level up. They’ll be doing raids together before we know it.

Poe, meanwhile, continues to suspect that Holdo is an idiot. Because she is. If she’d told Poe what he needed to know, the unfortunate fallout of Canto Bight wouldn’t happen. It’s mind-boggling how much of a stretch the logic for this scenario is.

Let’s go elsewhere for a bit. On an island, Luke and Rey become the best of friends. Wait, no they don’t. Luke’s a grumpy old curmudgeon with a strange sense of humor and a taste for green milk from the teats of a sea cow. I’m not making that up. Oh, and he wants no part of the fight. He doesn’t want to be a Jedi anymore. He wants the religion to die. He wants himself to die.

Okay, this is interesting. Why does he feel this way? Who did he lose? What makes a loving, optimistic, and hopeful individual like Luke Skywalker turn to nihilism and living the life of a hermit while his friends die in a brutal war? The answer, I think, shows why Rian Johnson’s vision of Star Wars isn’t in tune with its heartbeat.

I’ve joked that the alternate title for The Last Jedi should be: The Assassination of Luke Skywalker by the Coward Rian Johnson. Lest you think I’m being uncharitable or even hateful, know that this is in jest. I don’t think he’s a coward and I don’t harbor any real ill will toward him. I just think he fundamentally doesn’t understand the character and that, in my mind, is what makes him unqualified to use that character the way that he does.

Luke is the hero of the original trilogy. He undergoes a transformation from naïve farm boy to Jedi Knight. It’s his path to stardom that we witness in those first three films. We see him battle with his own darkness. We watch him make mistakes and root for him in spite of his failures. And when, at the end, he decides not to indulge those impulses of darkness, we admire him. As a Christian, I understand the struggle to do good in the face of overwhelming sinfulness – both in myself and others.

Luke becomes a legend over the course of his adventure. He blows up the first Death Star. He saves his friends from capture and death. He redeems his fallen father and takes up the mantle of peace in the presence of utmost darkness. That’s a man whose heart is in the right place.

But Rian Johnson doesn’t know that man. He thinks Luke learns nothing over the course of the OT. In Johnson’s playbook, Luke is a man whose failure defines him. So Luke does the unthinkable, is ashamed, and goes into exile. He no longer cares about the fate of his friends and family. His greater good is rooted in a false ideal of ending the Jedi.

Luke, the man who believed there was good in his homicidal, genocidal, child-murdering father, commits an act that is rather heinous and nefarious. His nephew, Ben Solo (Kylo Ren), shows signs of darkness. Rather than seeing the good in his own flesh and blood, creepy uncle Luke decides to sneak into his nephew’s bedroom and invade his mind. This is already a betrayal of Luke’s character, but then he ignites his lightsaber, thinking briefly that he can end Ben’s darkness before it begins to infect the galaxy.

What just happened? Truthfully, I’m not sure that much thought was given to the event by the writer. It seems to be primarily to give Luke another failure and Kylo some sympathy. That it comes at the expense of the most hopeful and optimistic person in the original series is of no concern to Johnson. He needs us to feel something for the villain. He needs us to empathize so that the next convolution can occur.

Rey and Kylo begin to have conversations through the Force. They’re bonded by an unseen power (later revealed to be Snoke, the leader of the First Order) and become kindred spirits. These scenes are beautifully acted. Their infatuation is believable in so much as the actors pull hard to make the absurdity of it work. I like these scenes – so long as I divorce them from the surrounding contexts of patricide, mass murder, and everything that would clearly drive a pretty permanent wedge between the two.

Whether or not love is blooming isn’t made 100% clear, but the inclination and intimations are there. So now we’ve got something new to Star Wars but not to fiction: the potential redemption of the bad boy by the plucky heroine. It’s an old trope that can work if nurtured correctly. I’m not sure that Rian Johnson does that, but he gives it his all.

Stuff happens. Luke and Rey argue. She leaves to try to bring Kylo back to the light. Luke sulks until Yoda burns a tree and talks about teachers and failure. In space, the chase doesn’t end and neither does Holdo’s inadequacy as commander of the Resistance. Finn, Rose, and their latest party member board the Supremacy at the same time as Rey meets with her new beau. Let the reenactment of Return of the Jedi begin, right down to some choice music and dialogue!

More stuff happens. Kylo turns against Snoke! Rey and he fight together against the guards! But then Rey won’t join Kylo to kill her friends! Finn and Rose fail their side-quest! The obvious traitor is obvious and the First Order knows what’s going on! Poe mutinies and it goes horribly for him, but that’s okay because the gals in charge like him, even Holdo! Transport pods away! Some get blown up because of the side-quest that’s at least partially Holdo’s fault! Time for a breathtaking sequence involving a lightspeed ram that decimates the First Order’s fleet and gives Holdo a heroic moment!

Why hasn’t anyone done that before? Why don’t they have droids or autopilot? Who knows! No time for coherence, only visuals and character assassination!

When everything’s said and done, our characters end up on the planet Crait. It’s salt, not snow. Did you know those aren’t the same thing? Rian Johnson wants you to know that, so he has an unnamed character tell the audience. Because it wasn’t clear based on the fact that it looks like salt.

Anyway, it turns out that there’s an old Rebel base there. That’s where Holdo was taking them with her cockamamie and untold plan. Good thing she didn’t tell Poe, otherwise more people might’ve lived and they wouldn’t be able to fit into the Millennium Falcon later. Oops. Spoilers.

A big door stands in the way of the First Order’s victory. But it’s okay because they have miniaturized Death Star tech. Convenient. So Rebels – I mean Resistance – lead a last stand to ram the cannon and blow it up. Poe, having learned his lesson about rushing headlong into danger and the necessity to blindly follow authority, tells them to pull back.

Finn won’t. He’s going to make a difference, darn it! He’s making his life and his character mean something beyond a few jokes. His sacrifice will allow them all to live another day!

Rose has other plans. She decides to nearly kill him and herself to stop him from killing himself. I mean, she couldn’t have possibly known that either of them would survive the crash, but that doesn’t prevent her character from ruining a good moment and delivering poor dialogue that basically everyone has mocked by now.

“I saved you, dummy.” No, you almost killed him and yourself, crazy woman. Now, ridicule your dead sister’s big moment earlier in the film by trying to argue that sacrificing oneself for a good cause isn’t worth it. Oh, and ignore the fact that you allowed the enemy to blow up the big door which is hiding your allies and friends.

Rey provides backup in the Falcon. Merchandizing – I mean Porgs – and Chewie pilot her to victory. A little time passes. The First Order elects not to blow up Finn and Rose despite them being right there next to the walkers and cannon. Luke shows up, but it’s not really Luke, but you don’t know that yet.

Luke has a standoff with Kylo after shrugging off a barrage from the walkers. Impressive feat! He must be really powerful and in tune with the light side of the Force once again to accomplish that. Oh, wait, the twist is that he’s not really there? He’s a projection? That’s not really that cool.

He buys the Resistance time to flee. They’ll be sure to tell of the Legend of Luke Skywalker (registered trademark) to all the galaxy. Hope will spread! Wait, what do you mean they didn’t really see any of the fight because they were waiting for Rey to lift some rocks? Oh, that’s kind of a hole, isn’t it. Kind of hard to spread a message if no one is around to see or hear it but the enemy – who have no incentive to increase the recruitment drive of the Resistance.

Luke dies. What little was impressive about the projection becomes even less so. Exhaustion kills Luke Skywalker in the few brief moments that resemble the character we followed for three earlier films. Yay. But at least there’s a binary sunset, so it’s all good.

Everyone piles into the shame car – I mean the Millennium Falcon – and the movie ends with the promise of igniting the spark that will light the fire that will provoke hope that will plant the seed of a poorly constructed line of dialogue. Also a kid uses the Force to pull a broom after playing with his action figures that resemble a person he’s never met and couldn’t possibly know about.

It would take far more time than I care to devote to go into each of The Last Jedi’s numerous flaws. But the problems can be summarized thus:

Offbeat humor undercuts the seriousness of film’s events. Star Wars isn’t a humorless franchise, but the way it’s utilized in this film is completely contrary to brand.
The plotting makes several missteps. The basic conceit of the film (the space chase) hangs on the thinnest string of credibility.
Characterization of Luke Skywalker is outright terrible. This is the most polarizing aspect of the film and the driving force behind the backlash. It’s fine for Luke to fail, even do something dark, but the circumstances presented in the film simply do not mesh with the character. It’s a bad read and that’s on Johnson.
The prevalence of general weirdness: milking space cow nipples, the “free the animals but not the children in slavery” subplot, the nothingness of certain revelations in the film including Rey’s background, the worrying love connection between a psychopath and the supposed big female hero of the new movies, etc.

I said earlier that I don’t hate the film, although given it’s detest or ignorance for the source material, I think it’s perfectly valid to call this the worst Star Wars film. Still, it’s mostly enjoyable and there are pieces of it that I think show Rian Johnson’s potential as an author/artist. He’s certainly earned a few accolades in his career that I likely won’t. But the film is mired in so much gunk that it’s a struggle to pull out the nuggets of gold.

Honestly, the backlash against the backlash offends me more than the film itself ever could. The disrespect shown to those who dislike the film is appalling. Labeling the opposition as racist and sexist is a pathway to nothing and nowhere but further anger and hate. That’s the enemy (Satan) at work in even the mundane superficialities of life, IMO.

“Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers all offenses.” (Proverbs 10:12)

I don’t know what I’d rate The Last Jedi. I have such mixed feelings about it that it’s hard to quantify with a number or a grade. I guess I’d say that I appreciate the effort put into the film. I think all the actors did a tremendous job with what they had to work with. Johnson never gained his footing, but everyone did their best. I applaud them and love them for that and because I know how difficult it is to put your work on display for a wide audience.

This has been a long post. Perhaps the longest I’ve done on this blog? Obviously, I’m passionate when it comes to the things I like and writing in general. There’s a fair bit of satire and sarcasm in there, but it’s not meant to impose any angry overtones. Hopefully, you’ve read this and walked away not with a sense that I harbor any hatred for the people involved (I don’t) but with the idea that I simply thought The Last Jedi could’ve been a more polished and competent film.

Thanks and praise be to God that I even felt committed to writing this. I wasn’t sure how it would unfold or whether I’d enjoy breaking the film down, but I think I needed to do this. However this comes across, I’m grateful to Him that I know I have a loving Savior, my Lord Jesus Christ. There’s almost no evangelism in this post, but I hope His influence on me shines through nevertheless.

Thank you for reading, God bless, and peace be with you.

The Enemy vs. The Word of God

“You’re worthless,” says the enemy. “You’ll never amount to anything,” says the voice of self-doubt. “If you don’t do fifteen naked handstands in church every month, you’re not saved,” says the false one.

Okay, that last one is hyperbole, but I hope the message will be made clear. The enemy, whether the one inside, the one outside, or the one unseen, will egg on your worst thoughts and fears. The devourer seeks to destroy you by any means necessary. Indeed, he roams the earth like a roaring lion (1 Peter 5:8). But he cannot control those who are in Christ unless they listen to him.

There’s a difference between listening to the enemy and merely hearing the enemy. If the devil, your sinful self, or the world tells you that you aren’t saved, you need only look to the Cross. Christ is the righteous one, the perfect propitiation for our sins, and not us. He is the sinless one. If we say that we have no sin, then the truth is not in us (1 John 1:8).

If the dragon says that you are a worthless speck, then you know that he is a liar. You are made in the image of God, as are all humans (Genesis 1:26-27). Your life is precious. God cares for even the fallen sparrow. How much more, then, is your life worth? The Lord, through His Scripture, says that you should not be afraid, for you are prized above a plethora of sparrows (Matthew 10:29).

If the father of liars makes the claim that you’ll never do anything, then he reveals himself as the untruth. Even if this premise were true, we need rest in the promises of our Lord Jesus Christ, whose righteousness, whose blood, is the only Way to salvation (Romans 3:25-26). The purpose of man, to glorify God, is best accomplished through belief on Him. This is the only “work” necessary, the greatest work of all, brought about by Him and Him alone (John 6:29).

Through this, we have no reason to boast in ourselves (Ephesians 2:8) and know that grace is grace, lest it cease and become something lesser (Romans 11:6). When the enemy is at your door, banging his fist, trumpeting his power, know that the Lord is greater than any liar, any deceiver, and that there is no condemnation for those who believe on Christ (Romans 8:1-2).

So don’t listen to the enemy. Heed not these attacks. Pay the Lord His due and trust in Christ alone. But we’re human. We fail. We sin. We put our faith in the wrong persons. We’ll take the words and lies of the devil as gospel when they very much aren’t. That is our nature. Thank God we have a great advocate, our Lord Jesus (1 John 2:1-2), in whom we have reconciliation with the Father above (2 Corinthians 5:18-19).

“Grace to you and peace from God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for our sins to rescue us from this present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father. To whom be the glory forever and ever. Amen.” (Galatians 1:3-5)

The enemy can and does knock us around. We fall prey to deception, ignorance, and self-deprecation. But thank God there is One whose nature is greater than ours. He is the One whom He has sent, the One on whom we should believe. This is eternal life, provided through the Lord Jesus Christ (John 17:3).

I know that I’m not great. I don’t need the enemy to remind me of that. But I’m not counting on myself to see the Lord. I’m relying on Him and Him alone. By His grace and mercy, I have faith. By His blood, I am cleansed. By His righteousness, I believe I will see heaven – and the New Jerusalem beyond that – one day.

Thanks and praise be to God. I think a reminder of His sovereignty and His greatness is a great way to start the week. May we listen to what He says and not the enemy. Peace be with you, thanks for reading, and God bless.

The Armor of God, Prayer, & Busy Minds

“Finally, be strengthened by the Lord and by His vast strength. Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand against the tactics of the Devil.” (Ephesians 6:10-11)

We cultivate busy minds. What do I mean? In our daily existence, we engender in ourselves a focus on an abundance of different activities. We think about work, relationships, social activities, leisure time, etc. as we move through time. If we’re not occupied with one thing, it’s another, indulging our harried thinking as if nothing else mattered.

We become slaves to our thoughts. They consume us so that we mourn or bemoan what we’re missing. Our thought life entraps our consciences, binding us to a rotting corpse whose stench never leaves. It’s a struggle to remove ourselves and feel peace or contentment because we don’t ever slow down and can’t be stopped.

Recently, I’d been subjected to mental turmoil by my myriad contradictory thoughts. I couldn’t think straight because I was so enamored with what I was or wasn’t doing. I didn’t write, so I hated that I wasn’t writing. I wanted to write, but couldn’t muster the energy. I became lethargic. Then, of course, the enemy thought it was a good time to accuse me of not doing enough. That I wasn’t worthy of my salvation because of some unreasonable expectations being placed on myself.

I didn’t believe the enemy, not truly, but that didn’t stop the attacks from being a constant presence in my mind. They’d drift away long enough for me to get reenergized. Then the enemy took to the battlefield once more, attempting to convince me of a false belief.

Thanks be to God, then, that a few nights ago, after much prayer, I felt an overwhelming calm come over my mind. A night of tossing and turning became a morning of peace and a day of joy. I felt overly giddy throughout yesterday, finally feeling a rest from accusations and falsehoods, even able to work. I know that this was because of the Lord my God Jesus Christ, that He granted me the reprieve I needed to remember the love He has for me.

I have no doubt that the enemy will try again. Our life as Christians is one of spiritual warfare. We fight against self. We fight against the sinful inclinations of the world. And we combat the world unseen, the realm of the enemy which seeks to oppress us.

“For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens. This is why you must take up the full armor of God, so that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having prepared everything, to take your stand.” (Ephesians 6:12-13)

Wear His armor as you walk through this life. Truth is your belt, righteousness your armor, and the gospel of peace your footwear (Ephesians 6:14-15). Ready the shield of faith to repel the arrows of the evil one, wield the sword of the Spirit, and don the helmet of salvation (Ephesians 6:16-17). Above all, pray in the Spirit and stay alert (Ephesians 6:18).

Scorners mock our faith. They believe prayer does nothing. But they’re wrong. I have seen through my salvation, time and again, the power of God working through our faith in Him. If it is God’s will, it shall be done. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. Let no man nor the enemy deceive you. Trust the Lord.

Thanks and praise belong to Him. There aren’t adequate words to express the gratitude I feel for His sovereignty and His love over myself and others. No matter what thoughts plague your conscience, no matter what sins you remember or what work you think is out of your reach, remember that He is the Lord our God. With Him, all things are possible, including the salvation of our very soul (Matthew 19:26).

Thank you for reading, God bless, and have a great weekend.