Shellie Bowdoin's Blog, page 8
December 11, 2019
I Love My Olive Pants – No Matchy Matchy!
The FAB Journey
All of us have those favorite wardrobe pieces that we go back to time and time again. Apart from jeans, I love my olive pants! Not only are they extremely comfortable, but they add a little extra visual interest to a casual outfit.
It’s really tempting to get into the rut of becoming too matchy-matchy! There really is more to life and fashion than jeans and black pants. When it comes to olive pants, think of them as a neutral. You can pair them successfully with a lot of different colors.
For instance, take this outfit. The denim jacket and red shoes are an easy enough match; however, it’s the gray and black striped top that really makes the outfit.
If you are new to color mixing, then you can start with solids. Olive pants look great with black, white, red or coral. You can’t go wrong pairing them with any of these colors.
As much as I love fashion, I also realize that clothes can never make the woman. I would like to share an encouraging word I discovered in my morning devotions.
15�����But what about you?�����he asked.�����Who do you say I am?���
16��Simon Peter answered, ���You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.���
17��Jesus replied,�����Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood,��but by my Father in heaven.��18��And I tell you that you are Peter,[b]��and on this rock I will build my church,��and the gates of Hades[c]��will not overcome it.
Peter didn’t suddenly “become” the solid rock and witness of the early church when he uttered those words to Jesus that day. No, he had been that person all along. Instead, he just finally got to the place where he could see Jesus for who He truly was. Once Peter recognized Jesus as the Son of the living God, then he could begin seeing himself for who he was created to be.
So, who were you created to be? Are your eyes open to see the possibilities God has invested into you from the very start? I hope so.
You are a child of the living God!
~ Shellie
Catch all my fashion posts by subscribing to my newsletter list in the footer of this page or Follow with Bloglovin���! Check out the fabulous fashion linkups I’m joining this week – My Linkups!
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December 3, 2019
Holiday Eating Survival Guide – Controlling Weight Over Holidays
The FAB Journey
The holiday season is chock full of celebrations…all revolving around eating. It’s no wonder some of us feel helpless with all the festive food choices. ��It’s enough to make you want to throw in the towel. But, I am here to say that several scattered occasions do not have to send you careening off the weight wagon. As long as you remember one important thing when it comes to controlling weight over the holidays…Everyday can’t be a party.
Today is the second part of the Holiday Food Survival Guide. We have all talked about how to approach the loaded holiday table.
Controlling Weight Over The Holidays
It’s easy to adopt the mindset, “Well, I blew it at last night’s party, so I guess the whole month of December is a wash” mentality. Typically, Christmas parties offer an enticing array of rich, sumptuous delicacies that few of us can resist.
It’s easy to adopt the mindset, “Well, I blew it at last night’s party, so I guess the whole month of December is a wash” mentality.
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Let’s assume that you are planning to attend five Christmas parties plus a New Year’s Eve party this holiday season. That’s six days out of a total thirty-one days when you will likely overeat. So what are you going to do with the remaining 25 days of the month?
Everyday Can’t Be A Party – Balancing Act
What are you eating in between the parties? I have discovered that controlling your weight over the holidays is a balancing act.
1. Plan For The 2 Days Before And Two Days After A Party
If you know that you will be attending a Christmas party on Saturday, it’s time to make a plan for the 2 days before and the 2 days after the party. Make plans to rid your diet of all “extras” for those 4 days.
This means choosing black coffee over fraphchoochoos and passing on the fries for four days.
2. Plan To Exercise At Least 30 Minutes On Two Of Those Days
On top of that, plan to exercise for at least 30 minutes on two of those days. Several of you have told me that it is hard to keep up with a fitness plan during December. Here is where you have to take proactive steps to plan movement into your days.
If you can’t make it to the gym, walk around the block.
Get off the elevator 5 floors early and walk up the stairs.
Park in the furthest parking space and walk in.
Turn on some festive music and walk laps around your living room or dance with your kids.
3. Refuse To Give In To The Urge To Wait Until January To Get The Weight Off
How many times have I told myself that I would just wait until January to get the weight off?…a lot! Here’s the big problem with this way of thinking. It removes all restrictions to your eating. Most likely, if you pigged out on 6 occasions during the month of December, but kept the rest of the month in check you might likely gain one to two pounds….or maybe none at all! But, if you defer all self control for 31 days, it’s likely you could end up 5 to 10 pounds heavier by January.
Even more damaging than the extra weight, is the feeling of defeat you feel when January rolls around. In essence, putting off your self control by throwing off all restrictions on food just defers the emotional pain.
You may not actually lose weight over the holiday season, but controlling your weight over the holidays is achievable if you aim to keep things even until life gets back to its normal pace in January. Next week we’ll tackle holiday sweets.
Are You Ready To Try Something Different With Your Weight?
What if you tried looking at things differently? What if you were to anticipate something different when the New Year rolls around instead of dreading the inevitable diet?
Instead of trying to pack in all the food you can in anticipation of a depriving diet, why don���t you begin asking God to do something new in you? Ask Him to open your mind up to new possibilities and hopefulness that you can change with His help.
I���m excited to say the Find Your Weigh book and the companion Find Your Weigh: Walk In Freedom Bible Study (including free video content) will release on January 6, 2020 and Pre-Orders open on December 5���just in time to help put you on the right track for the New Year. It���s real, it���s practical and it���s grounded in God���s Word���better still, it���s not a diet at all!
So, what do you say? Are you ready to kick-off the next decade with a renewed mind and a new mindset for approaching food? Why don���t you plan to get a few girlfriends together to share the journey?
~ Shellie
Catch all my posts by subscribing to my newsletter list in the footer of this page or Follow with Bloglovin���! Check out the fabulous linkups I’m joining this week – My Linkups!
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November 28, 2019
Full To Overflowing – Happy Thanksgiving – [Printable]
The FAB Journey
It’s the most wonderful time of the year! The fourth Thursday in November that marks a rare departure from the typical priorities and patterns of modern-day life. Thank God for Thanksgiving! My heart is full to overflowing.
Thank God for…
Light with the flip of a switch
A chilly glass of iced tea filled with too much ice…just the way I like it
The sound of a my happy college girl’s voice as she shares her excitement about an upcoming ski trip
The ability to tap my thoughts onto a computer screen and broadcast them…literally, around the world
My heart is full to overflowing…this list could go on and on.
I created a little gift for you to remember that God alone can fill your deepest longings and satisfy your deepest desires.
Take a moment to ponder your own list today. Often, our greatest blessings go unnoticed; taken for granted as the normal trappings of everyday life.
8 Let them praise the Lord��for His goodness
and for His wonderful works to the people!
9��For He satisfies the longing soul
and fills the hungry soul with goodness.
How will you see your cup today? Is it half-empty or half-full? God alone can satisfy, but He doesn’t stop at the bare minimum He can literally fill us to overflowing.
May I take this opportunity to wish each of you a Happy Thanksgiving!
~ Shellie
Catch all my posts by subscribing to my newsletter list on the blog/home page or Follow with Bloglovin���! Check out the fabulous linkups I’m joining this week – My Linkups!
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November 19, 2019
Holiday Eating Survival Guide: How To Approach The Loaded Holiday Table
The FAB Journey
Thanksgiving is by far one of my favorite holidays. I love the whole idea of setting aside a special day to celebrate our bountiful blessings with family and friends. And of course, you can’t talk about Thanksgiving without mentioning all the yummy foods that go with it. It seems appropriate to kick off the Holiday Food Survival Guide with a post on “How To Approach The Loaded Holiday Table.”
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How To Approach The Loaded Holiday Table
My family has certain dishes that they expect to see on the Thanksgiving table, so the holiday also brings a good bit of nostalgia with it as well. Sometimes biting into that old family recipe will just bring memories flooding to the surface.
There is one essential factor that I want to establish at the very beginning of the series, Holiday Food Survival Guide, and that is, food is a great thing! We love food because it is a sensory experience that puts us in touch with our culture and our past.��Food is a vital part of the human experience.
Too many times we want to demonize food and blame it for all our weight problems. However, I want to say this loud and clear, “Food does not make you eat it!” For years I lived with this mentality. I was convinced that I had no control over food; especially during the holidays.
Food does not make you eat it!
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If you want to make it through the next six weeks without gaining weight, then you need to start by taking responsibility for your food choices. You choose the foods you put in your mouth, the food doesn’t choose you.
Now, having said that, I should mention a few things about my food mindset.
I enjoy special holiday foods and I would not dream of going through Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year without eating my favorite things.
I like sweets. The idea of going cold turkey on dessert is unthinkable to me.
This girl cannot live on vegetables and lean meats alone.
Am I saying that my way is the best way…no! The internet offers a vast array of healthy diet plans and nutritional options, which I cannot begin to compete with, nor would I try. If I could be satisfied with eating only the right foods needed to fuel my body, then I would never have gained the kind of experience I have on my weight journey.
Instead, I had to find a way to keep my weight in check and still enjoy the foods that I like. In the end, I found out it’s all about balance. If any of you have read my earlier posts on weight, then you already know that successfully navigating our relationship with food requires that we engage our minds.
Tips To Approach The Loaded Holiday Table
1. Do Not Starve Yourself In Anticipation Of The Big Meal
Many of us are guilty of this. In anticipation of a big meal, we often skimp on meals earlier in the day as a way to “save our calories” for the fun food. However, this typically means that we are starving by the time we hit the holiday spread.
It’s much better to eat normally prior to a special meal. That way your mind will be making the choices when it comes to the richer holiday foods, instead of your screaming stomach.
2. Do Not Pig Out On Appetizers
Remember, the meal is the star of the show, so the appetizers are just previews for the main attraction.��If there are nuts available, satisfy yourself with a handful of them.
3. Size Up The Food Before You Put Anything On Your Plate
Remember, the food does not control you. First, size up the food to see what it available. Determine which items are must haves and which items you can pass on. Just because the food is there doesn’t mean you have to eat it.
4. Make Servings 1/3 The Size Of What You Think You Want
Our eyes are often much bigger than our stomachs when we first go through the line; not to mention that the variety is often endless when it comes to holiday spreads. If you have already looked the table over, then you already have a good idea of what you want to eat. Plan to serve yourself only 1/3 of the amount you think you want.
Generally, a 1/3 size serving will not be more than 2″ in diameter. The one exception will be the protein; especially if it’s baked turkey. The lean breast of a baked turkey is a delicacy you can afford to eat more of.
5. Put All Gravies And Sauces On The Side
Gravies and rich sauces add a lot of extra fat and calories. Spoon a small pool of gravy beside your food instead of on top. You can still get the taste by dipping the edge of your meat or mashed potatoes into the gravy instead of pouring it all over your food.
6. Wait At Least 10 Minutes After Eating Before Considering Seconds
Do you need more food? If so, narrow done your return trip to 2 food items, then only serve yourself a 1/3 sized serving.
7. Wait At Least An Hour After The Meal To Eat Dessert
Wait at least an hour after the meal to eat dessert. This allows your stomach to register fullness from the main meal. When you do eat dessert, use the same rules as you did with the main meal; except, seconds are not an option when it comes to sweets because they have no nutritional value.
I hope these tips help you to approach the loaded holiday table with confidence and enjoy your time with family and friends. Next, we’ll dive into the second part of our holiday eating survival guide, Controlling Your Weight Over The Holidays.
I learned how to make these kinds of choices five years ago when I decided to get off of the weight roller coaster. I spent years yo-yo dieting and my yo-yo inevitably went up every year when the holiday season rolled around. For years I felt helpless and hopeless against the lure of food…so basically, when I was approached with too many yummy choices I gave in to the draw of food every single time.
Maybe you’ve also wondered why you can’t seem to resist the draw of food. It always seems like a situation that���s bigger than your willpower or your resolve. I always blamed my overeating on a lack of willpower, but now I���ve come to realize how much I need God���s strength in the midst of my weakness.
10 That is why, for Christ���s sake, I delight��in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships,��in persecutions,��in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
If you���re like me then you have always thought of your weight as personal issue that you had to deal with on your own. But God is just waiting for you to call Him into your story. He longs to speak strength into your weakness.
I’ve written a book to help you learn how to approach God with your weight frustrations by uncovering what you really believe about food. Once you���ve uncovered your faulty thinking, then you can counter that thinking with a renewed mind and new, workable habits you can see yourself following next week, next month and next year!
I���m excited to say the Find Your Weigh book and the companion Find Your Weigh: Walk In Freedom Bible Study (including free video content) will release on January 6, 2020���just in time to help put you on the right track for the New Year. It���s real, it���s practical and it���s grounded in God���s Word���better still, it���s not a diet at all!
So, what do you say? Are you ready to kick-off the next decade with a renewed mind and a new mindset for approaching food? Why don���t you plan to get a few girlfriends together to share the journey?
~ Shellie
Catch all my posts by subscribing to my newsletter list on the blog/home page or Follow with Bloglovin���! Check out the fabulous linkups I’m joining this week – My Linkups!
The post Holiday Eating Survival Guide: How To Approach The Loaded Holiday Table appeared first on The FABulous Journey.
November 14, 2019
Keep Beating Your Drum – Consistent Witness In An Inconsistent World
The FAB Journey
Just keep beating your drum…
People don’t always have to play the same instruments to make a pleasing melody. In fact, it’s the blending of different rhythms and notes that give our songs nuance and interest.
You may be marching along in perfect step, while the cadence of others falters under the considerable weight of daily life and worries. Their missteps don’t have to break your rhythm or compromise your groove as long as you keep your eyes fixed on the horizon.
Just keep beating your drum…
You’ve got a course set before you and God’s given you an instrument to play. If you’re really playing in his band, then he’s got a playlist and purpose for every step you take.
Just keep beating your drum…
It’s so tempting to call others out for their sour notes, but that’s not the part God’s ever called you to play.
Just keep beating your drum…
Everyone knows that the crowds hear the drums long before the rest of the band. They can feel the excitement of an approaching drum line.
Just keep beating your drum…
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When you do what God’s called you to do with purposefulness and determination, others will be attracted to your song. When you successfully reproduce the same rhythmic cadence over and over again, people will notice your consistency and they’ll be attracted to it. And eventually, they’ll catch on to your tune and be compelled to tap their feet along to your beat.
14 But when I saw that their conduct was not in step with the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas before them all, “If you, though a Jew, live like a Gentile and not like a Jew, how can you force the Gentiles to live like Jews?”
No one denies that the world is marching to the beat of a completely different drum these days. It can be so tempting to get bogged down in politics and personalities..next thing you know you’re acting and thinking in ways that are not in step with who you are or what you’ve been called to do. And that is the only thing the world sees.
But, we are called to do better, to live by a higher standard…God’s standard. A consistent witness in an inconsistent world…now that’s something people will be attracted to.
Just keep beating your drum until others join your parade!
~ Shellie
Catch all my posts by subscribing with your email in the footer of the blog/home page or Follow with Bloglovin’! Check out the other fabulous linkups I’m joining this week – My Linkups!
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November 5, 2019
Transition Summer Clothes For Fall
The FAB Journey
Just because cooler temps are rolling in doesn’t mean you have to trade out your whole wardrobe. Today, I’m talking about how to transition summer clothes for Fall.
We can get into the rut of looking at clothes way too literally. Take the top in this post. I found it on the clearance rack. I could have passed on it because it was sleeveless and I’m not a big fan of wearing sleeveless tops. But, the back detail was oh-so-cute and the price was great!
Then, I remembered I had a three-quarter length tee that would fit under it perfectly.
I have a couple denim jackets that work great for Fall dressing. Denim jackets can be worn over lighter summer clothes and they also create a nice short over long proportion, which is figure-flattering on a lot of body types.
I use this visual proportion technique a lot because it just makes the clothes look better, or should I say, it makes me look better in the clothes! If you want to see how I have used it in other outfits, take a look at this dress over jeans or this post on proportion.
You can also transition your cropped jeans to fall by pairing them with booties. This jean length is perfect for showing off cute booties. I make sure that I wear socks that are high enough to keep my skin from peeking through at the top of my boots.
I hope these fashion tips will help you consider new possibilities for your existing wardrobe.
Let this verse encourage you today.
27��Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.��I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled��and do not be afraid.
Sometimes, the transitions and shifts of life leave us reeling. Hold onto God’s promised peace. He assures us that He offers a peace that’s far different from the world’s. Lay down your fears and troubles and try on His peace for size. You’ll find that it’s perfect for every situation.
~ Shellie
Catch all my fashion posts by subscribing with your email in the footer of the blog/home page or Follow with Bloglovin���!
Check out the other fabulous fashion linkups I’m joining this week – My Linkups!
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October 31, 2019
Pushing Past My Limits – Let God Take The Lead
The FAB Journey
Has it really been three and a half years since I started this whole book writing thing?! Sometimes I marvel at where I’ve come from where I started. If writing has taught me anything, it’s that God is always pushing past my limits to get me to the place where letting Him take the lead is the ONLY option.
There are times when…I honestly wonder if it’s ever going to end.
It all started innocently enough…
“I think I should write a book about my weight journey,” I said.
“This will be an exciting new challenge and experience,” I said.
But that was years and thousands of typed words ago. I would easily estimate that I’ve written more than 200,000 fiercely-edited words between the book, the Bible study, the video script, the YouVersion devotional, the audio book and the countless versions of marketing copy.
Some of you may know that I originally came out with a published book, Find Your Weigh, in late 2016. I basically printed it and sold a few copies to family and friends. It was my story, but it wasn’t the full story that God wanted me to tell.
He had something much bigger in mind. But, His plans have unfolded one step at a time. I have been reminded of Psalms 119:105 throughout the process.
Your word is a lamp��for my feet,
a light��on my path.
My family used to do a lot of camping when I was growing up, so I’ve had my share of pitch-dark trips to the community bathroom. On these trips I relied on the flashlight to lead the way as I stepped, one foot after another, into the illuminated circle of light. Although everything around me was blackness, I knew I would make it to my destination if I just stepped into the light.
God understands us. He knows that we are prone to set limits on what we can and cannot do. That’s why He seldom let’s us see what’s at the end of the journey. Instead, He gives us juuuust enough light to take the next step.
Only then, does He illuminate what’s ahead.
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Our Path Is Not Always Easily Seen By Others
I’ve also discovered that the path God has illuminated for me is not always easily seen by others. This has been a tough lesson to learn, because if the truth be told, it has often been the support and encouragement of others that I relied on most when navigating past challenges.
We often crave the approval of others…so much so, that we can actually rely on it more than we rely on God. I think this is the very reason why God often calls us to venture into unknown territory. Maybe even into places that no one else fully understands or appreciates.
It’s in these dark places that I have to let God take the lead; otherwise, I’m left stumbling all over myself.
There’s been rejection and questions along the way, as well as, waves of my own self-doubt…”God, is this really something I am supposed to do?” And it’s these times that have learned to rely more and more on Him. All I can do is follow the light as He illuminates the next step.
Honestly, when all is said and done, this is a great place to be. I left the comfort of my limits and abilities a long time ago. Somewhere, back in the dark, I laid down my insecurities and self-doubt because they were just too heavy to carry anymore.
Only God can illuminate my next steps, so I will just follow where He chooses to lead.
Is God Calling You To Push Past Your Limits?
If it’s God who’s calling you to push past your limits, then I can promise you with all certainty that He will be your light in the darkness. Just trust Him for the next step.
And, when you feel like others just don’t seem to see the path He has for you? These are the times when you can go to Him honestly and openly and say, “God, if this is not the path you have for me, then just shine your light in another direction.”
In the end, if the light’s still shining, then I’m still walking…end of story…the journey moves on.
I’m really excited to be at this point in my book project. I will be revealing more about Find Your Weigh and the companion Find Your Weigh: Walk In Freedom Bible Study Guide (with free video links!) in the next few weeks. If this sounds like something you or your group of friends may want to do together at the start of the new year, I encourage you to stay tuned or drop me a note for more info.
~ Shellie
Catch all my posts by subscribing with your email in the footer of the blog/home page or Follow with Bloglovin���! Check out the fabulous linkups I’m joining this week – My Linkups!
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October 17, 2019
Black & White For A Day In Penang, Malaysia
The FAB Journey
When you have lived in a region for as long as I have, you can get to the point where you just assume you’ve seen it all. However, I was in for some delightful surprises on my recent trip to Penang, Malaysia.
Although Malaysia is close to my home in Manila, Philippines, this was my first trip to see it for myself. I was immediately struck by the seamless blending of so many different ethnicities, cultures, languages and religions.
Nowhere was this more observed or appreciated than on our evening visit to a local Hawker Centre, better known as a food court. There, my husband and I feasted on Indian Chicken Tikka and Nan, fried oysters and chicken satay with peanut sauce. All for an amazingly low price…I was sold, for sure!!!
The next day we were off to explore the art of downtown, Georgetown.
…in 2012 Penang’s municipal council hired London-trained Lithuanian artist, Ernest Zacharevic and charged him with breathing new life into some of the atmospheric Chinese shop-houses around the inner city. An effort to spawn awareness of the rich history of the streets, the project was a success with Zacharevic turning certain areas into thriving tourist destinations that also became the much-talked about object of attention among locals.
A local friend expertly weaved her trusty mini-van through the maze of small city streets. With each new stop, she would point the way and we’d set off to find the next painted treasure awaiting us around the corner.
I was particularly glad I chose to wear black and white for my artistic experience as it fit in so well against the creatively painted back drops. Of course, if you’ve followed me for any length of time, then you know this is always one of my favorite color combinations.
This was undoubtedly a day to remember! And I realize I only scratched the surface of things to do in this exciting city.
Now, here’s a little tidbit for all the shoe lovers out there. I doubt I’ll ever actually own a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes, but I do know who he is. Jimmy got his start as an apprentice in his family’s shoe store in Penang.
What is now a major fashion line all started in a small shop in Penang!
Are you like me? Do you sometimes get to the point that you no longer expect to see or learn anything new? You never know what God’s has waiting for you just around the corner.
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
This life is a fabulous journey; especially when we take the time to enjoy all the stops along the way.
~ Shellie
Catch all my fashion posts by subscribing with your email in the footer of the blog/home page or Follow with Bloglovin’! Check out the other fabulous fashion linkups I’m joining this week – My Linkups!
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October 7, 2019
Small Acts Of Love Build Strong Relationships
The FAB Journey
My husband has always had his culinary specialties. He’s makes an out-of-this-world cornbread dressing on Thanksgiving using a family recipe passed through the shoots of his Southern roots. He’s tweaked and perfected it to an art…right down to the finely chopped, perfectly-uniform pieces of celery.
But in the last few years he’s been honing his skills in muffin making. In fact, my daughter and I call him the “muffin man.” He likes to experiment with different ingredients and has the ability to turn out masterful, fluffy muffins.
This morning I woke up to find a kitchen counter dressed with a dozen freshly baked muffins. Even though his bags were packed to leave for a ministry trip in a few hours, he didn’t want me to run out while he was gone.
Those muffins have become a labor of love. Seeing my 6’1″ husband baking in the kitchen with a towel slung over his shoulder as he hums a tune under his breath just gives me a case of the warm fuzzies.
Oh yes, love is in the little things! Don’t get me wrong. I like the grand gestures too, but something about those muffins speaks love to me in a way that makes me feel nurtured, cared for and important.
How Small Acts Build Strong Relationships
Small acts of love build strong relationships. Essentially, small acts of love build a sense of trust and validation. The best illustration I have heard on this concept is the love bank. Banks are useful institutions that allow us to deposit and withdraw our money at will. Generally, we regard banks to be safe places. We trust them to guard and protect our money.
Now, let’s compare the two primary bank functions of deposit and withdrawal to relationships. In this scenario, smaller acts of love would represent deposits. For instance, every time you extend yourself in some small way in a relationship, you essentially make a deposit into the love bank.
Every time my husband bakes me muffins or when I take the time to proofread one of his emails, we are making investments or deposits into each other’s love bank.
Now, we all know that relationships are hard work. Sometimes, our love is tried and tested. He comes home late without calling to let you know; you are too wrapped up in your television show to listen to his account of an awful business call; he forgets to pick up the milk after three texts to remind him and the list goes on. All of these instances represent withdrawals from the love bank.
Ah, herein lies the beauty of small acts of love. As long as your bank stays flush in love, your relationship remains strong. Why? Because there is enough love stored up to absorb the hurt and move on.
The relationship only starts to suffer when the account is overdrawn…when there have not been enough love deposits.
relationship only starts to suffer when the account is overdrawn; when there have not been enough love deposits.
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It is always surprising when I see a couple call it quits after years of marriage. But, it’s not hard to see how it happens. Generally, young couples have read or heard enough stories to know that marriage is not easy; that it takes hard work and commitment to last.
But, something can happen with seasoned relationships. Somewhere along the line you both become so comfortable with each other that you just assume your spouse knows how you feel.
Oh, he knows I love him, so what is the point of going the extra mile?
But life goes on and each of you find yourselves making consistent, inevitable withdrawals. These withdrawals are bound to occur when two separate individuals share life. However, without regular deposits of love, even small withdrawals can eventually erode the core of the relationship from the inside out until eventually, only the shell remains.
without regular deposits of love, even small withdrawals can eventually erode the core of the relationship
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Small Acts You Can Start Today
Proverbs 10:12 reminds us, “Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.” This sentiment is echoed again in the often quoted principle, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). Interestingly enough, neither of these passages suggests that love makes the wrong disappear.
Instead, love allows the offended person to overlook the wrong in favor of maintaining peace and harmony in the relationship.
It is never too late to start depositing into the love bank. Jesus called his disciples to tangible acts when he told them, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:35)
He was calling them to more than a feeling or emotional state, he was telling them to treat each other in a way that others would recognize their love for one another. It takes love to keep and build strong relationships.
But there is good news! It is never too late to start depositing into the love bank and often these deposits are just the little things you say that mean a huge deal to him. Here are some suggestions of places to start:
Compliment his appearance in a specific targeted way….I like that color on you. It really brings out the color of your eyes.
Tell him that you like it when he does a specific thing for you…It is really considerate of you to scrape the windshield in the mornings. I know it’s freezing out there.
Take notice of his accomplishments, big and small…You did a great job making that call to the internet company. You know how to get things done.
Point out his strengths…You would be perfect for that position because you…
Brag about him in public…Let him hear you telling someone else about something he’s done.
Compliment him on how he interacts with your kids…You do so great with her. You seem to be able to relate with her better on that issue than I do.
Build him up in front of your kids…It’s OK to say he knows more about something than you do.
Give him opportunities to be indispensable, even if you could eventually do it yourself. It’s hard to live with an island. Just because you are capable of doing every single thing yourself doesn’t mean you have to. That’s what a partnership is for!
I could go on and on with this list, but it’s a good starting point. If you have been doing these things all along, your marriage is likely stronger than ever.
If your love bank has long run dry, then it’s time to start making some deposits. Oh, and don’t worry if the deposits are only one-sided at first. When a person feels the love, they often respond in kind.
Feel free to comment and add to the list of small acts of love. What have you have found builds a strong relationship. Also, you can really share the love with me by subscribing to this site with your email address or sharing this article, or both!
~Shellie
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October 1, 2019
Is Personal Appearance Something Christians Should Care About?
The FAB Journey
Growing up, I always paid attention to my hair and makeup. I’m a southern girl and that’s just what we do. So, I never really thought much about my natural inclination to consider my personal appearance.
Obviously, I love to talk about all things fashion and beauty. In fact, I’ve written quite a bit on both subjects. So, I guess it makes sense to take a little time to consider the question, “should Christians care about their personal appearance?”
I’ve had this conversation more than once in my life and it usually goes something like this, “Shellie, I’ve never really thought much about my clothes or my makeup. But, I am getting to the point in my life that I think I would like to put a little more effort into my personal appearance.”
For these women, this personal realization was more than a passing comment, but rather a sincere, heartfelt desire. One that I can only assume they had pondered for a while before broaching the subject with me.
These were women who had hearts for God, but they had never before seen the need to put much thought into their personal appearance. Still, something had shifted in their perspective as they began to explore the possibility of caring about something they had never given much thought to before.
We can’t ignore the human tendency to evaluate things and others by their appearance. God even spoke to this tendency when he told Samuel, “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
It’s obvious that God prefers to get right to the heart of the matter without getting mixed up with our surface appearance. And yes, we as Christians should strive to be more like Him as Paul instructs in Ephesians 5:1, “Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children.”
Still, the question for those seeking a godly perspective on appearance may not be whether or not a godly woman cares about her personal appearance, but why she cares about it?
Ah, the why question…
We are called to follow after God’s example; to seek guidance from scripture and inevitably we are changed in the process.
18 And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord,[a] are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another.[b] For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.
And, just maybe, as we mature in God and pass through different life seasons, we may actually desire to enhance the outside to better reflect what God is doing internally.
At this point, I consider other facets of my life; home decor, writing, speaking or graphic design. Have I ever felt pressured, whether internally or externally, to just let these areas go without tweaking or polishing them? Absolutely not, in fact, I strive for excellence.
I recognize and value the gifts God has placed in my life and I seek to reflect His glory in everything I do.
For instance, I wrote this article over the course of several days. I started with a few ideas and then slowly added others until my thoughts were adequately conveyed.
At that point, the article pretty much said what I wanted it to say, but it was far from finished.
I then proceeded to the most essential aspect of the whole writing process…editing. While the initial draft reflected my thoughts well enough, it needed to be polished and refined before I would allow anyone else to read it.
No one would argue the need for editing to produce a presentable piece of writing. However, some do wrestle with the idea of “wasting their time” on personal appearance when it could be better spent on spiritual pursuits. After all, the word is clear that we should “not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of [our] mind[s], that by testing [we] may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2
I like this writer’s take on the issue,
We should not reject caring about our physical appearance just because the world cares, but we should be changed inside so we can tell what the will of God is.
As Christians, we are called to live and move in a world that holds an entirely different set of values and standards. And yes, physical beauty often rests at the top of their priority list. Still, that in itself doesn’t disqualify us from seeking to portray an attractive outer appearance, as long as, our hearts remain rooted in kingdom plans and purposes.
Ultimately, we tweak the outside because it reflects and illuminates what we have going on within.
I like the phrase, “you never have a second chance to make a first impression.” Maybe their first impression or attraction is my outfit, lipstick or hairstyle, and that’s OK. Why?…because ultimately I serve a God who works through relationships. I trust Him to use every means and every relationship to reveal His glory in and through my life, even if His chosen means is Loreal lipstick #590 in Blushing Berry.
~ Shellie
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Check out the other fabulous linkups I’m joining this week – My Linkups!
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