Felicia Denise's Blog, page 20
August 11, 2019
Reality Bites
I know you’re gone
I’m not Deluded
Or in Denial
Dread is a constant companion
Because I know you’re gone
And each day is more of the same
And no you
Yet , my senses come alive
When I see the things you loved
When I hear the music you loved
I get excited and can’t wait to tell you about them
Then my heart skips a beat
Because I know you’re gone
Despair and Depression grab my hands
And I’m caught in a tug-of-war
Where losing is the only option
Because I know you’re gone.
©2019 Felicia Denise, All Rights Reserved
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Image from Pinterest
Song Lyric Sunday | “Candle in the Wind” – Elton John
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Song Lyric Sunday was created by Helen Vahdati from This Thing Called Life One Word at a Time and author Jim Adams from A Unique Title For Me is our current guest host. For complete rules or to join in the fun, click here.
The theme for Song Lyric Sunday this week is “Songs that includes somebody famous in it”
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Originally written in 1973 by Elton John and Bernie Taupin, Candle in the Wind was a tribute to actress Marilyn Monroe who’d died eleven years earlier.
It’s opening line, “Goodbye, Norma Jean”, refers to Monroe’s real name… Norma Jeane Baker.
Taupin said the song is about “the idea of fame or youth or somebody being cut short in the prime of their life. The song could have been about James Dean, it could have been about Montgomery Clift, it could have been about Jim Morrison … how we glamorize death, how we immortalize people.”
John would rewrite the song twenty-four years later as Candle in the Wind 1997 for a tribute to Diana, Princess of Wales after her death. He never says Diana’s name, but refers to her as England’s Rose.
FUN FACTS:
The single release of the original song reached No. 11 in the UK charts in 1974. At the time, it was not released as a single in the United States (Bennie and the Jets was chosen instead).
During a concert on 7 April 1990 at Farm Aid IV, John dedicated Candle in the Wind to young Ryan White, who had been suffering from AIDS. White died from AIDS complications the next day.
According to the Guinness Book of Records, Candle in the Wind 1997 is the second highest selling single of all time (behind Bing Crosby’s White Christmas from 1942), and is the highest-selling single since charts began in the 1950s.
The 1997 version won Elton John the Grammy Award for Best Male Pop Vocal Performance at the 40th Grammy Awards ceremony in 1998.
I’ve posted both versions of the song’s lyrics with videos. The first video is from Elton’s Madison Square Garden concert, and the second is from the memorial service for Princess Diana. (With a one minute lead-in in Italian! Performance begins at 1:07)
Enjoy!
See my Song Lyric Sunday selection for Nesie’s Place!
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Disclaimer: I have no copyrights to the song and/or video and/or hyperlinks to songs and/or videos and/or gifs above. No copyright infringement intended.
Candle in the Wind
by Elton John
Songwriters: Elton John/Bernie Taupin
Goodbye Norma Jean
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself
While those around you crawled
They crawled out of the woodwork
And they whispered into your brain
They set you on the treadmill
And they made you change your name
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did
Loneliness was tough
The toughest role you ever played
Hollywood created a superstar
And pain was the price you paid
Even when you died
Oh the press still hounded you
All the papers had to say
Was that Marilyn was found in the nude
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did
Goodbye Norma Jean
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself
While those around you crawled
Goodbye Norma Jean
From the young man in the twenty second row
Who sees you as something more than sexual
More than just our Marilyn Monroe
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did
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Disclaimer: I have no copyrights to the song and/or video and/or hyperlinks to songs and/or videos and/or gifs above. No copyright infringement intended.
Candle in the Wind 1997
by Elton John
Songwriters: Elton John/Bernie Taupin
Goodbye England’s rose
May you ever grow in our hearts
You were the grace that placed itself
Where lives were torn apart
You called out to our country
And you whispered to those in pain
Now you belong to heaven
And the stars spell out your name
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never fading with the sunset
When the rain set in
And your footsteps will always fall here
Along England’s greenest hills
Your candle’s burned out long before
Your legend ever will
Loveliness we’ve lost
These empty days without your smile
This torch we’ll always carry
For our nation’s golden child
And even though we try
The truth brings us to tears
All our words cannot express
The joy you brought us through the years
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never fading with the sunset
When the rain set in
And your footsteps will always fall here
Along England’s greenest hills
Your candle’s burned our long before
Your legend ever will
Goodbye England’s rose
May you ever grow in our hearts
You were the grace that placed itself
Where lives were torn apart
Goodbye England’s rose
From a country lost without your soul
Who’ll miss the wings of your compassion
More than you’ll ever know
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never fading with the sunset
When the rain set in
And your footsteps will always fall here
Along England’s greenest hills
Your candle’s burned out long before
Your legend ever will
Compiled from Google, Genius Lyrics, Wikipedia, and Songfacts.com
August 8, 2019
“… ebbing and flowing …”
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August 7, 2019
#WordlessWednesday “Writer”
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Image from Pixabay
August 5, 2019
Drowning in Silence
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We could laugh and talk for hours/days … then not talk hours/days.
That was part of “us.”
We didn’t have to be in the same room to be comforted by each other’s presence.
We didn’t have to voice every thought and emotion.
We appreciated the silence.
But invariably, one of us would cough or sneeze, leading the other one to make a loud, snarky remark … and we’d be off and running into recreating endless movie scenes and TV one-liners.
Until we exhausted ourselves and invited silence in.
We appreciated the silence.
But I don’t anymore.
The silence is too loud.
Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in silence and the only lifeline that can save me is gone.
Forever.
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Image from Pinterest
August 4, 2019
Song Lyric Sunday | “When I Think of You” – Janet Jackson
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Song Lyric Sunday was created by Helen Vahdati from This Thing Called Life One Word at a Time and author Jim Adams from A Unique Title For Me is our current guest host. For complete rules or to join in the fun, click here.
The theme for Song Lyric Sunday this week is “Songs from/connected to television shows.”
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In addition to her family’s variety show, Janet Damita Jo Jackson had starring/recurring roles in three successful television shows. From young Penny Gordon Woods on Good Times, to Charlene Duprey on Different Strokes, to Cleo Hewitt on Fame, Janet flexed her acting muscles early. But it would be her 1986 breakout album, Control, which put her front and center on the world stage.
The much-awarded and praised album spawned five top-five singles, including When I Think of You which went all the way to number one and become Janet’s first hit single.
FUN FACTS:
Containing autobiographical themes, a majority of the Control’s lyrics came as the result of a series of changes in Janet’s life.
The album is also notable for being what originated the style and genre that came to be known as new jack swing.
Best known as a television actress, Janet was initially reluctant to begin a recording career.
Janet’s father, Joseph, oversaw production on her first two mostly forgettable albums before Control, Janet Jackson and Dream Street. His rigid direction and control led to Janet firing him, hiring a new manager and embarking on one of music’s most successful careers.
Enjoy!
See my Song Lyric Sunday selection for Nesie’s Place!
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Disclaimer: I have no copyrights to the song and/or video and/or hyperlinks to songs and/or videos and/or gifs above. No copyright infringement intended.
When I Think of You
by Janet Jackson
Songwriters: Jimmy Jam/Terry Lewis/Janet Jackson
Ooh, baby, anytime my world gets crazy
All I have to do
to calm it,
Is just think of you
‘Cause when I think of you, baby,
Nothin’ else seems to matter
‘Cause when I think of you, baby,
All I think about is our love
I… just get My heart attached to you when
You hold me in your arms, and squeeze me
And you leave me making me blue
‘Cause when I think of you, baby,
Nothin’ else seems to matter
‘Cause when I think of you, baby,
All I think about is our love
So in love (So in love)
Ooh (So in love)
With you (So in love)
Baby (So in love)Ooh (So in love)
Hee (So in love)With you (So in love)
(So in love)When I think of you…
When I think of you…
(When I think of you)
Bass
I’m…so in love
I just think of you
If you’re not around
Oh
When I think of you (So in love)
Ooh (So in love)
So in love (So in love)
With you (So in love)
Baby ooh (So in love)
Ooh (So in love)
So in love (So in love)
With you (So in love)
Break!
AH HAHAHA!
Feels so good!
When I think of you!
Yeah, yeah!
Compiled from Google, Genius Lyrics, Wikipedia, and Songfacts.com
July 31, 2019
#WordlessWednesday “Rebirth”
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Image from Pixabay
July 30, 2019
Life’s Milestones
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Life is made up of milestones.
Certain birthdays are celebrated because they grant us the privileges of driving, voting, and drinking.
Milestone events can herald the accomplishments of completing education, attaining military rank, receiving job promotions or starting businesses… and uniting in marriage.
Marriage comes with its own set of milestones which includes yearly anniversaries, purchasing homes and becoming parents.
For some, marriages don’t always work out and they face the milestones of separation or divorce—not uncommon events, unfortunately.
The rest continue on in marriage for years… even decades, but those marriages have to end too… with the loss of a spouse.
Both sets of my grandparents were married for over fifty years, as were my in-laws. My own parents were married for forty-five years before my father’s death.
I only got 35 years, 8 months, 13 days, and 4 hours before I lost my husband.
I am not ungrateful. I know many saw their love stories end far sooner.
I wasn’t married to reach milestones or set records.
I was just happy to have a life with a man who understood me, knew all of my quirks and many flaws… and loved me, anyway.
Losing a spouse doesn’t signal the end of milestones. They may even multiply them.
I started by counting the hours and progressed on to days.
Den died on a Thursday, so it is a day I have come to loathe. I don’t have to look at a calendar to know it’s Thursday. My heart knows. I wake up every Thursday angry. But that anger is heavy and destructive. I blamed him for leaving me. I blamed the kidney disease that plagued him for years. I blamed his doctors and the dialysis center. No one was above reproach.
Including me.
Did I feed him healthy meals and made sure he got enough rest? Did I make sure he took all his meds on time? Did I miss anything? Why didn’t I fight harder and insist he keep the Urgent Care appointment I made for him the day before he died instead of giving in and canceling it as he asked? It could have saved him. And me.
And maybe it wouldn’t have. Eight hospitalizations over three years for the same issues were stacking the deck against us. Until that fateful Wednesday when everything changed, Den’s biggest complaint had always—and only—been fatigue. Now I realize I didn’t know just how tired he truly was.
Our last conversation was him asking me for a pain pill and water. This made me uneasy because Den never took the prescribed pain meds. Then he said he’d nap a bit before getting ready for dialysis and insisted I go to bed too. I balked at that and we fussed for a few minutes before he said, “Babe, please.”
I gave in and went to sleep only to wake four and a half hours later and find him gone.
Now I’m alone meeting milestones I wasn’t ready for.
Today marks two months since Den died. I tell people I’m okay… but I’m not. How can I be when the dynamics of my entire life have changed? How could anyone be all right after that?
People have been so kind to me but some, with their tired expressions of Time heals all wounds, It will get better in time, and the horrid Just think positive make my blood pressure rise.
Don’t ever, ever say these things to someone who’s lost a loved one regardless of if it’s a spouse, child, parent or family pet.
I’ve apologized in my mind a thousand times for any time I’ve ever said these things to anyone. I never knew how generic, inane, and outright stupid they are until I was on the receiving end of them.
Loss induces grief and we must grieve. We cannot think or wish it away. It’s a process we have to go through. Some people will take longer than others. There is no set time limit.
I have to say that again.
There is no set time limit for mourning a loss.
If anyone says anything like, “You should be over it by now,” remove them from the front row of your life. You are not accountable to them or their timetable.
Find peace and comfort in your memories and the things you loved and shared, especially your children. Though miles separate us, our three adult children have been my biggest source of strength and support since losing Den. Having them has helped keep me grounded because I’ll always be a mom.
I’ve also found comfort in browsing poetry and life sites. Many of the quotes, memes, and inspirational messages speak to my mind and emotions.
But, finding the poem I’ve posted below was like a gut punch not just because it spoke directly to my heart… but because it sounds exactly like something my pragmatic husband would say.
We watched the movie, Titanic, together many times. Without fail, near the end when Rose tells Jack she’ll “never let go,” Den would smirk and say something like, “I’ll take Causes of Mental Instability for $500, Alex.” (He was quite a character!)
We’d banter back and forth each time as I tried to explain the depth of Jack’s love for Rose was so great, he was willing to sacrifice himself so she lived. He’d come back with, “Exactly. The man is giving up his life so she can have one… and that’s exactly what she’s supposed to do. Live.”
I hated it when he was right.
The movies make it all seem so simple. Real life… not so much.
I know I have to let Den go. One day. But not now. I’m not there yet.
It’s another of life’s milestones I’m working toward.
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(I wish I knew the author of this beautiful, simple poem. I’d love to give them a big hug.)
Image from Pinterest
July 29, 2019
#MondayThoughts “Always with Me”
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July 28, 2019
#SundayFeeling “Sadness”
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