Bandile M. Matsenjwa's Blog, page 3

A Sip Of A Poured Heart

If I die tonight,consider these my last words

There will be days when you'll feel like a spoon of sugar inside an ocean
That day,
You'll try to pour yourself but nobody will let you dissolve your sorrow on them
I tell you,
That day you will call on God but he'll be banging the sound of your joy that's yet to come on headsets
Because He is tomorrow
Never treat people like they're 10% human
Like they've been restored from the recycle bin
Never let pride burn words like 'I know me' or 'whatever' on your backbone
Because your life wasn't written by you
You're just the main character in this book that you don't even know how many pages it contains
For God's sake, a lot of books in the heaven library weren't finished because most let 'attitude' move into their personality room
Brother, don't forget where you come from
Stop treating woman like the songs on your playlist
They're not music....

Sister
I bet you forget that your life was inscribed by the fine hands
Hands that don't shake like fingers are an aftershock
You are here for a reason
Inspire people, don't expire before you even thought of aspiring
Don't let a man use you as a laboratory of testing sexual activity
There's no chemistry between the both of you
You have liquorice on your body,all sorts
If you don't listen to poets
Or you don't fancy my poetry
Then read this,

Aspects of God glitter on you
And you don't need to break your own rules to be loved
You don't have to degrade yourself....
To be considered the hottest
Take time,
Read the signs
Make sure your children boldly say 'I'm proud of you'
And when you die,
We read an hour long obituary
Because your wallet,won't leave a legacy

There'll come a time when these words
Will be the only friend
It'll seem like God is the only one listening
During those days,
Know that you are a constellation
Of course,people will try to snatch stars from your sky
Never let earthly things, take away
Your pride

Like Me

The Ghosting Guys,Here's What You Should Know

In a way the small disappointments and
letdowns are worse than real breakups. At
first you are good at containing the hope. You
meet him, maybe hook up once or twice and
it is still possible to view it as a one-time
thing. Then he keeps contacting you and you
let the smallest idea plant in your head, that
maybe this guy actually does like you. You try
to squash it, to tell yourself to stop, but it’s
impossible at this point. It grows and
expands until it occupies every corner of
your mind. Every thing he says, every
invitation over is a declaration of their
desire for you. Then, without warning and
usually when things were getting good, he
slows down. You can feel it happening but
you make excuses for him like a stupid girl.

“He’s busy.” “He’s stressed about exams.” He
acts dismissive when he sees you out
downtown. “He was tired.” You now have to
be the one to text first. You know you should
just stop but the hope still lingers. Until all
communication ceases. He just doesn’t bother
replying to your last text. It’s over. You are
left reeling from the devastating blow that he
never really liked you in the first place. You
don’t even deserve an explanation.

You aren’t worth it.

And if you reach out at this point you’re the
“crazy” one. So you try to move on but with
no closure, no event to blame it on, it is
difficult. And the wonder drives you crazy.
The wonder of what went so wrong. You re-
read text threads and go over conversations
in your head. You read countless articles that
say it’s not you it’s him. You did nothing
wrong. You are perfect and deserve the
world. But do you? It keeps happening so
there must be something wrong with you.
Some inborn personality flaw. You won’t be
able to get over it until you meet someone
new. And the process repeats.

I envy those in 'shady' relationships. Not only for the
obvious reasons. But at least when two
people have an actual defined relationship
and then break up, they know that, at one
point, the other person believed they were
worth it. There was time invested and
feelings shared. And there can be a cause
attributed to the break up. He cheated, she
found someone else, their careers are taking
them in different directions, maybe someone
got bored. But at the very least there was a
definitive “I want to break up” from one or
both of the members in the relationship. How
I long for simple cause and effect. To be done
with the what did I do, what did I say, why do
I suck so much.

So if you’re reading this, don’t ghost. Just
don’t do it. Suck it up and show some
consideration for someone else’s emotions. I
realize it’s the easy way out, I have been
tempted on several occasions. But it’s
insulting and disrespectful. It’s not even a
boy/girl thing; it’s just not something a
human should do to another human. It makes
the receiver feel worthless and humiliated. If
you cared about the person enough to invest
even the slightest amount of time they
deserve an explanation as to why you no
longer want to talk to them. Give them
something to blame it on for their own
sanity. Oh and you won’t feel so guilty too.

For Those Who Ask Me Why I Can't Get Over You

For those who ask me why I can't get over you

I live everyday like I'm not gon' see tomorrow
I still have gallons of memories that dissolve the sorrow
See I'm not gonna pretend like she never existed in my life
She made me fathom an illuminated future and I could boldly call her my wife
But everything happens for a reason
But every season,
I question myself if she ever existed at all..
The other day we sat in my room and she told me she needs space
I started clearing the room, I even accidentally removed my hope for tomorrow
The thin line is that, I can't get over someone who has something that belongs to me
That girl took sixty percent of my happiness

I always loved space. Planets, stars, the knowledge that there’s so much unexplored.
She was space.
Her eyes were filled with
stars, her back covered in constellations.
This girl,
Her hands could paint galaxies and her soul was a universe.
All i ever wanted was to explore her universe and I swear to God I thought I
could.
Now, when I look up at the night sky
and see the stars and the vast, black
unknown, all I can see is the trail of her face.
Tell me how can you get over something you see everyday,
Something that most kids wish to explore
I don’t love space anymore.
How could I love anything after loving her?

The day she left she said she needs some air
We were in a taxi,so I asked everyone inside to open the windows
I thought,
I thought that's what she meant, but she meant she can't be with me anymore
Because I am 100% carbon dioxide
But she was my oxygen on days when I seemed to suffocate
Poets have obsessive Compulsive disorder
We tend to repeat the same thing every time
Every time
Every damn time

I can't get over her because she was 99.9% beautiful
She smiled like a Whatsapp emoji
And her voice sounded like violins
I miss her,sometimes
And I don't want her back
Because sometimes its fun,
To watch from the sidelines
That's why they say "you should never confess to your crush"
Because fantasizing is fun,
But my situation is different;
I enjoy digging the buried hatchets
Trust me one day;
I will have to cremate them....

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Maybe It's Time You Move On "For the women caught in the love triangle"

He’s not a bad guy.

In fact, it was his endearing kindness that
drew you to him in the first place. In the
expansive sea of men who seem to have no
desire to learn anything about you that
doesn’t directly increase their likelihood of
getting laid, he took a genuine interest in the
things you care about. He asked you prying
questions, gave you sultry sideways glances,
and before you knew it, you were hooked.
You found yourself contemplating the
possibility that there is someone out there
capable of understanding you completely. All
the cheesiest love songs had at least a grain
of truth to them, and you felt yourself
falling… until he told you. And suddenly, the
perfect image was shattered and it seemed
unlikely that it would ever be repaired.

He’s not a bad guy, but maybe he is.

This is when he tells you he has a girlfriend.
You start to look back on your interactions
and realize that in all of this time when you
felt like you were developing a strong and
intimate connection he never said he had a
girlfriend, but he also never made a move on
you. He is unhappy with his girlfriend, he
tells you, and he likes you.

You are interesting, and uncommonly well-
suited for him. You both know there is
something there, and if only that pesky
girlfriend wasn’t standing in the way, you
might be able to explore exactly what that
thing is.
He doesn’t make promises to break up with
her, he only says that the thought has crossed
his mind. He’s a good guy, and he doesn’t
want to hurt her. He doesn’t want to hurt you
either. So while he’s figuring it out, what’s
wrong with trying to be friends? You really
do get along so well.

Your friendship is, without a doubt, unusual
in that it really isn’t much of a friendship at
all. You are in near constant communication
(except when he is with her, of course).
Sometimes your conversations feel deeply
personal, and at other times he is there as
someone to check in with, to kill time. While
you are trying to convince yourself that you
are capable of remaining distant enough to
keep the friendship platonic, the undeniable
truth is staring you in the face; you are
growing attached, and he is still with his
girlfriend.

Your friendship is, without a
doubt, unusual in that it really
isn’t much of a friendship at
all.

This could go on for days, weeks, even
months. You start to wonder, who is using
who more? It’s obvious that your “friendship”
satisfies a need for him that his relationship
is lacking, but at the same time you, too, are
using him to escape the reality that you are
alone, and he provides you with some relief.
But what you have with him is never quite
enough, and you find yourself in a perpetual
chase that has no end in sight. In fact, you
wonder if it is the chaos, secretiveness, and
challenge of your relationship that keeps you
so entrenched. You admit to yourself that if it
were easy, you almost certainly would have
lost interest already.

All the while, you are telling yourself: “He is
nice. He is good. He never lied about his
intentions with me, and what we have is
truly special”. Sure, his girlfriend doesn’t
know you exist, and he may leave a few key
details out of his day when he talks to her,
but you would tell yourself just about
anything to give him an out. Because you
care about him, so much so that despite your
better senses you will keep him in your life,
even if it is not in the capacity that you
desire. You are single, but when another
potential suitor comes along you find yourself
feeling guilty for entertaining the possibility
(would it bother him if you dated someone
else?).

While you are trying to
convince yourself that you are
capable of remaining distant
enough to keep the friendship
platonic, the undeniable truth
is staring you in the face; you
are growing attached, and he
is still with his girlfriend.

You are so into this guy that all other men out
there don’t seem worth your time. They don’t
excite you in the same way, which is
understandable since you probably wouldn’t
have to fight so hard for their affection. Your
days are brighter when you two talk, but you
also feel yourself withering away as the
reality sets in that while he is unhappy in his
relationship, he is not going to do anything
about it. At least not anytime soon. And, if
anything, you are hindering him from
making a decision, because your
unconditional friendship says that he can get
away with not having to decide.

This is when you realize that you’re the one who
is going to have to make the decision. Although
he might be incapable of making up his mind,
you are not.
So you end the friendship. And maybe you lie
and tell him you met someone else, or maybe
you’re honest, and you tell him that you need
more that whatever this is. Or maybe you
don’t say anything all, and you fade out until
you are no longer in contact. But the
important part is that it’s over. It sucks and
it’s hard, and you miss him every day at first,
but as time goes on, it gets easier.
He might break up with his girlfriend, and
you might get together later on. By the time
their hypothetical breakup takes place, you
could be with someone better, or you could be
alone and still not want to enter into a
relationship with him, since you know how
he’s acted in relationships in the past.
What you will invariably find once it’s all
over is that it doesn’t really matter either
way.
Was what you had unique and meaningful?
Sure. Is he the only person you could ever
potentially have it with? No.

He’s not a bad guy, and he’s not a good guy,
either. He’s just a guy. And you’re moving
on.

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#RelationshipGoals-To Those Who Post Their Relationship Details Online by Sade Andria Zabala(Author Of War Songs and Coffee & Cigarettes

Let me just say it outright – the more a couple
posts online about their relationship, the
higher the chance that relationship will
eventually fail.
My theory is not going to be true in all cases.
7 billion people in the world and there is
bound to be some head-over-heels lovers who
enjoy detailing their adventures on social
media. However on average, or at least with
the friends I have on my Facebook, couples
who have a tendency to spam us with their
selfies, sweet dates, and declarations of
passion are actually hinting at their
insecurity over their relationship.
No, this is not Donald Trump yelling, ”Social
media is bad! The Chinese invented the
internet to destroy America!” In fact, I am a
selfie advocate. Your eyebrow game on-
point? Immortalize it in a selfie. Your man
treated you to a cozy dinner for two? Show
your appreciation online! Got engaged? Share
your happiness with a proposal video.
But there comes a point where we gotta say
stop.
Raise your hand if you know of that one
couple, that one friend who posts about
everything .: The girl who throws shade and
makes a Facebook status every time she gets
pissed at her boyfriend. The guy who posts a
photo of him and his girlfriend when he fucks
up and has to offer a long-ass apology in the
caption. And, my favorite, the couple who
literally makes the entirety of Facebook (or
other social media) their chatroom.
While we may be tempted to make every
detail of our lives up for public consumption,
kids, I can not stress this enough – do not air
your dirty laundry online. Yes, we see you
and your beau fighting on your not-so-subtle
status update. Yes, we read your conversation
in the comments section of your best friends’
photo wherein your comments have nothing
to do with your best friend or what they
posted, and are more similar to the script of
The Notebook.
No, we do not need to see ten selfies of you
and your partner doing some mundane thing
every. other. freaking. day. And I definitely
do not need to frequently see you sucking
each other’s face. You might think you’re
allowing the world to see how deliriously
#blessed #relationshipgoals you both are, but
trust me when I say you and your
relationship needs to grow up.
It’s cool to show-off sometimes. We all have
bragging rights, especially when we’re
enjoying a fantastic time with our amazing
partner. But save some of those selfies and
videos on your phone or laptop so you have
photos of your lover no one else can see. Save
some of those ’I love you’s’ to say during
random, quiet moments in the day. Save the
fights for a heart-to-heart conversation
where you can both learn and grow from
each other. Save some of those emotional,
tear-jerking posts to write in a classic love
letter (and if your partner DOES write you
letters, you don’t always need to take a photo
captioning exactly what they wrote).
Would you fully appreciate reading a novel if
you knew the juiciest details of the plot? The
identity of the murderer? Don’t you get super
pissed when someone spoils your favorite TV
show?
This logic also goes for couples who engage in
excessive online posting, or what I’d like to
call F-LSS – Facebook Love Story Syndrome.
Your love story doesn’t need to be told in
explicit detail, especially its negative sides, in
order to be fully appreciated. Unless you’re
Kardashians earning big bucks over the
drama you make, it does your relationship no
good for us to know whenever you’re doing
bad or great, even if the great part includes a
grand gesture with 50 balloons and
chocolates after you’ve made-up-or-break-up
for the second time this month.
The over-publication of romantic affairs
borders on toxic behavior. Your relationship
is not a joke and it should not be a source of
entertainment for the people in your Friends
List, unless you let it.
Learn to balance pride and privacy.
Otherwise, your audience will be waiting
with their bowl of popcorns ready.

Sade Zabala

Speaking My Mind

Ever asked yourself why the sky is blue?
I guess the problem is you....
You see;
There are questions that may never be answered in life
Like why can't gravity drop the jaw of the guy whom you've lettered poems for;
The one who walks in the room and his footsteps sound like the song Adele is cooking in studio..
All you wish to hear is a simple yet important 'Hello'
A single word that can make you chase pavements
I..I've been seeing boys  go from taking strolls around campus
To dropping jaws whenever this girl passes by,
This girl,
She has a smile that Naomi Campbell tried and ended up looking for a smile therapist
I bet the ground dances to the harmonies from her footsteps
She is just a girl who wants to make her parents proud
A seed that yearns to burst so people can see that beauty is nothing without brains
She hopes to change her world first before she does her neighbour's
But she-
She forgets one thing;
Life is about priorities

You can't achieve the dream if you're pleasing the team
Sometimes you gotta choose between coming first or drowning first
She is just a girl who thinks life is about friends and trends
So she twerks and bends
Last night she got played by the boy band
She was drunk after all,
They always say the grass is always greener on the other side,
Before you do, stop and think
Life ain't inside a drink
The reason you blink-
Its because you wanna have a clear view
Sometimes its not him who needs to change, its you
Your eyes are fixed on a tattered,blurry view
Which of course, seems clearer because you ain't as close as you think
Things my friend-
They get real when you zoom up close
I'm sure you'd say the same if you were on the ropes

The irony in life is that, it takes hard times to truly thrive
And you gotta put certain things aside to be on the safe side
So before
You decide, if tables were turned and it was your daughter or son who's in that role play;
Would you be proud??
I bow!
I'm out!

Peace

She's Slutty Because.....

She’s missing something, and needs you to fill
the hole. Literally. Come inside her and stem
the flow, patch up the wound with your own
body because she cannot do it alone. When
he left he took something from her, but she
doesn’t know – can’t figure out – what,
exactly, it is. So she’ll try anything. She’ll do
anything to see what works. She just needs to
not feel quite so much.

She’s a slut because it helps. It’s less about
the act of fucking you, and more about what
it does to her ego to get there. That she can
control you. She had no control over him –
the way he cried when he said goodbye but
said goodbye all the same. She had no control
when she got the call about his new
girlfriend, second-hand information that
made her wonder how long, exactly, it had
really been going on.

She needed him to be a faithful man so that
she could believe faithful men exist, and now
they don’t, anyone is up for grabs. It is balm
for the ego, locking eyes across the bar. Salve
for the dented spirit when she approaches.
Men love the thrill of the chase, and she loves
knowing that she can screw any man she
wants if only she’s brave enough to ask. She
just needs to make it their idea. She’s in the
driving seat of saying just the right amount of
provocative. Master of making his pupils
dilate in thrilled shock. Will say the
unsayable as code for what else she’ll do, too.

She’s not a bad person.
She’s not a Madonna,
nor is she a total whore. She has friends, and
priorities, and is liked and respected and popular
enough. She commands attention because
she’s so in control, so measured, so aware of
the cracks she’ll let other people see. Most
will be fooled by it. Most will marvel at her
confidence and her “go for it” attitude.
Concede that she must really have her shit
together. But then there will be one or two
who linger behind, say less, hold something
back because they see it. They see that she’s
playing make believe and doesn’t even
recognize it herself. They don’t trust it, and
they shouldn’t.

She’s a slut because she needs to feel wanted.
Desired. Sexual. She needs to remind herself
that she can. That there are other men out
there. But she doesn’t want you to love her.
To call. To treat her with any semblance of
respect. She doesn’t respect herself because
how can she? What is she worth, when the
one she gave it all to left so easily, and for
somebody else?
She’ll fuck you, and you, and you – one after
the other, filling up and filling up but never
being filled for long enough. She’ll begin to
pride herself on not being like the other girls.
Of keeping you at a distance. Ignoring you
once you’ve peeled off the condom and flung
it in the trash. Because she will always make
you wear a condom. She can’t love herself so
she sure as hell couldn’t love your child.

She’s a slut because none of you are the
answer. As she holds your gaze longer than
strictly necessary, rests her hand on your
knee a little too high to be friendly, there will
be a question in her eyes and in her heart
and the moment you lean in to kiss her –
tough, and fast, always too fast to mean
anything – the tiny speckle of hope that she
almost had will be quashed. She’ll just get on
with it.

She’ll be wet for you. Turned on as all hell.
You might even make her come. But it won’t
be from the being inside her. It won’t be where
she can see you. You’ll slip your hand into
her knickers from behind or go down on her
in the dark. From there, you could be
anybody. Nobody. Him.

She’ll treat you like utter shit and it will make
you want more, because the ones who don’t
care can be the most attractive when we’re
playing the “who is more broken?” game. But
you won’t value her. She gave it away too
easily, you used each other in a way that
can’t be undone. She’ll note your attitude, the
way you keep your texts explicit and void of
emotion, sex-ting her while you have Bae on your Wallpaper, she doesn't care, man are dogs anyways, you cant guilt trip her so its better following her lead, as evidence that
all men are the same.
Sexual predators. Easily led. Emotionally
stunted.

She won’t feel bad about moving on to the
next, because it didn’t mean anything
anyway.
That’s why she’s a slut.
Because nobody can disapprove her theory.
Nobody is saving her from herself.
She doesn’t know, yet, that she needs to save
herself by enkindling the fire inside her.

All she needs is a strong,wise and patient man, who'll show her that love is not just a test, its a journey that she can thread on with you. It may take time for her to fathom your intentions but she will, when you stay even when she strays.

A Message To The Artists; Organisers And You By Noma Dladla

Welcome , You weren't directed to the wrong blog, now that you're here, do read the following thought provoking, heart piercing and none sugar coated thoughts by Swaziland's Songbird , Nomalungelo Dladla

Here it is , keep in mind , ITS HER THOUGHTS AND VIEWS , Enjoy !!

I need to figure this out. How does a full band performance happen for 5grand. SIBEBE FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE PLEASE DO ASSIST. Now I might not be the best to calculate this and my prices here are in reference to what should BE standard for a FULL BAND IN SWAZILAND. 5 piece Band charges -E2000 per person 3 Backing vocalists E1500 per person 1 sound engineer -E2200 Transport and reversals 1000 (that's if you have a band mobile) Now that's just the band. Nooooo wait hold up!!! Listen I know you are probably telling me $#!* right now cause you think this is too much. Tshepo Tsotetsi (SA music student and music composer & conductor and great friend of mine thats a great musician) how much do you think a drummer for instance uses per month on instruments. instruments used for practice and actual gigging??? Please post a fair amount on the comments below. Sibusiso Phura Sibanyoni (S.A. music graduate at TUT) and Lally Tshabalala (SA renowed bass player) estimate roughly how much it costs to maintain your bass guitar (please include the effects and thinga mabobs you need to make it sound better to get that competitive sound) Better yet how much on tuition fees do you have to pay off, for studying music? Oh yeah SWAZILAND, we are just now getting to support music students. So that might not apply. Oh okay... So the people who really, really need the help (Swazi Musicians)... who haven't been to school to study music and do it with just passion, those people you ROB??? Cha BoNkhosi sithulile kuyonakala. If you really, really wanna help artist start with DUCKING PAYING THEM. You can not expect world standards when you don't treat us like international artists ... help us empower ourselves by not bullying us to settling for peanuts. Listen, you aren't empowering any Swazi Musican if you are booking them to rob them. I performed at SFNL and the truth is I made a loss but the excuse was HEY I really really want that BUSHFIRE STAGE. But in my 8years in this industry I've never been booked for Bushfire and I really, really havent a clue why to tell the truth I'm over it thanx to Tiyas King . But back to what this long text is about. Your assumption when booking a musician is that they are just PLAYING.. THE TRUTH IS they are working, I take pride in paying my band cause I know they are fathers, sons and daughters, providers, students who are paying off school loans and working hard to make a living out of passion. If we say we want to export SWAZILAND talent, WE REALLY NEED TO Start investing in artists. The money you pay them isn't just for fresh shoes, it's for piano lessons, instruments, rehearsal space, food and transport. And somehow that Money needs to pay for nappies and responsibilities. With that said, here's a vision for all musicians. We can be exported and contribute to the economy one of Australia's biggest exports at some point was a band, Canada also exported that boy band, England - Adele, we need to fight to fill up the STADIUM and prove that we are worth the investment. We can pull crowds from all corners to Swaziland, but we neeeeeeed to invest in ourselves. We need to invest in our knowledge of the arts and in our instruments. And that will mean standing up and standing together on some things.We can't be charging peanuts because we aren't doing this just to live we have to be STARS MAN!!!

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Her Website

This Is Me

If you Google me, you will find page after page of what the Internet has declared as my “footprint.” Some of it I built myself; putting
each metaphorical brick together until it created something that was entirely my own.
Some of it is simply the shadow a person who
no longer exists. Some of it is made up of words that were said about me when I wasn’t around to defend myself.
But, in a way, all of it is me.
If you Google me you will find hundreds of thousands of words that I have written.
You will find stories that I sat down to pen without ever knowing that it would be accessible with simply the click of a trackpad,
the tap of a thumb on a smartphone. You will read the jokes that I chuckled out loud after
forming, and hear all of the ways I have
attempted to immortalize heartbreak. You
will find the struggle of building a brand that
is solely centered around my voice, even if
you have no point of reference for what that
voice audibly sounds like. But you will read
my words, and imagine the inflection that I
intended on a particular sentence, and at
least of part of you will think you understand a part of me.
Yet you don't.

If you Google me, you will see my heartbreak
splayed across your computer screen. You
will see my pleas to be loved and my
acceptance of change and my mourning of
people who are gone. You will read all about
the break ups and the failed attempts at
happiness and wonder if I’m really this
damaged, or if I simply have a flair for the
dramatic. You will form opinions based on
900 words of a lifetime of trying to love and
be loved and you will decide you know whose
side to take.
And I’ll wish it were that
simple for me, and wish I knew
who was right and wrong.
If you Google me, you’ll see over ten plus
pages of my history. You’ll see the things I
had control over like scholarships, and dotcoms, and comments I should have kept to
myself. You’ll also see the things that I didn’t
do but my name was attached to like blogs
I’m unaffiliated with, comments from people
with nothing better to do, and work I no
longer identify with. You’ll see building
blocks leading to a complete person, and
you’ll come up with an idea of who you would
find on the other side of the computer screen.
And, in a way, all of it is me.