The Ghosting Guys,Here's What You Should Know

In a way the small disappointments and
letdowns are worse than real breakups. At
first you are good at containing the hope. You
meet him, maybe hook up once or twice and
it is still possible to view it as a one-time
thing. Then he keeps contacting you and you
let the smallest idea plant in your head, that
maybe this guy actually does like you. You try
to squash it, to tell yourself to stop, but it’s
impossible at this point. It grows and
expands until it occupies every corner of
your mind. Every thing he says, every
invitation over is a declaration of their
desire for you. Then, without warning and
usually when things were getting good, he
slows down. You can feel it happening but
you make excuses for him like a stupid girl.

“He’s busy.” “He’s stressed about exams.” He
acts dismissive when he sees you out
downtown. “He was tired.” You now have to
be the one to text first. You know you should
just stop but the hope still lingers. Until all
communication ceases. He just doesn’t bother
replying to your last text. It’s over. You are
left reeling from the devastating blow that he
never really liked you in the first place. You
don’t even deserve an explanation.

You aren’t worth it.

And if you reach out at this point you’re the
“crazy” one. So you try to move on but with
no closure, no event to blame it on, it is
difficult. And the wonder drives you crazy.
The wonder of what went so wrong. You re-
read text threads and go over conversations
in your head. You read countless articles that
say it’s not you it’s him. You did nothing
wrong. You are perfect and deserve the
world. But do you? It keeps happening so
there must be something wrong with you.
Some inborn personality flaw. You won’t be
able to get over it until you meet someone
new. And the process repeats.

I envy those in 'shady' relationships. Not only for the
obvious reasons. But at least when two
people have an actual defined relationship
and then break up, they know that, at one
point, the other person believed they were
worth it. There was time invested and
feelings shared. And there can be a cause
attributed to the break up. He cheated, she
found someone else, their careers are taking
them in different directions, maybe someone
got bored. But at the very least there was a
definitive “I want to break up” from one or
both of the members in the relationship. How
I long for simple cause and effect. To be done
with the what did I do, what did I say, why do
I suck so much.

So if you’re reading this, don’t ghost. Just
don’t do it. Suck it up and show some
consideration for someone else’s emotions. I
realize it’s the easy way out, I have been
tempted on several occasions. But it’s
insulting and disrespectful. It’s not even a
boy/girl thing; it’s just not something a
human should do to another human. It makes
the receiver feel worthless and humiliated. If
you cared about the person enough to invest
even the slightest amount of time they
deserve an explanation as to why you no
longer want to talk to them. Give them
something to blame it on for their own
sanity. Oh and you won’t feel so guilty too.