Amy Lane's Blog: Writer's Lane, page 168

So, uhm, what do you think?

Because, the thing is, the photographer decided to go with the prototypes and not the finished product.  So, umm, what do you think?

The depth of my political involvement...

Okay, so we saw Beauty and the Beast this weekend, and I was surprised.

I mean, like a lot of parents, I've seen it ad infinitum on video, and you think, "I know the story, I'll sleep through this.  Knitting.  Lots of knitting."  But then, the opening chords hit the sound system, and I was hooked.  Completely.  Just like the first time (well, I slept through some of the dialog--I was sort of exhausted) but every musical number just... God.  Is there ever a word for what that does to you?  What art does to you when you love it?

And then, the song.  Gaston's song.  The song that he uses to incite an angry mob, and the lyrics?  The things the villain says, that the gullible, simple townspeople BELIEVE?  Man, The Simpsons and The Family Guy think they've got a corner on irony, but they've got nothing on a man dying of AIDs in 1991.

"If you're not with us, you're against us!"  "We don't like what we don't understand because it scares us!" "For our village and our lives!"

God.  It's political rhetoric, it's hysterical ranting, it's the popular guy out to grind his axe in someone else's blood.

It's the 2012 election in a fucking nutshell.

And I haven't talked a lot about it.  I mean, for one thing, most of the people reading anything *I* put out would be aware that I think the political candidates for the American Republican party are some of the scariest bunch of potential Nazis this country has seen since Joseph McCarthy.  In fact, they're even scarier, because McCarthy did what he did as a very junior senator, with nothing but a briefcase filled with old memos.  Romney?  Perry?  Santorum?  These bozos are--oh my God--I... *I* am rendered speechless.  Completely speechless.  I'm starting to wish I could establish a Google website, like Dan Savage did for Rick Santorum, except, instead of that wonderful, awful definition, I would have the clip of Gaston, leading the villagers to "Kill the beast!"  Sure, the people being led don't have enough to feed their families, and they're shit deep in ignorance and depression, but one red flag in front of their eyes and they're off to kill someone who has never tried to harm them and who hasn't impacted on their lives EVER.  Which, when you think about it, is EXACTLY what the Republican candidates have been doing to the LGBTQ community for the last year!  (Okay-- a lot longer than that but this last year has been in extremus, and I think even Republicans are starting to see it that way.)

I mean, it's a simple idea, isn't it?  Howard Ashman, asked to write a song for a bully, out to destroy a rival in a fit of ignorance and rage--of course the things that come out of Gaston's mouth are the same things coming out of the mouths of the ignorant during the height of the AID's crisis.  But you'd think we'd learn, wouldn't you?  You'd think that twenty years later we wouldn't still be listening to another crop of Disney villains--over the top, dumber than posts, bragging about their ignorance and their bigotry like it's something to be proud of-- but this time with even MORE power to destroy than the ones in 1991.

I swear--truly--sometimes I think it's all part of a big plot.  That the Republicans keep us ignorant by cutting our programs for everything from education to the homeless, and then when we're nothing more than screaming, brainless peasants, they lead us to blindly destroy something that actually impacts the lives of very few peasants at all.  It's like an instant pudding recipe for instant brainless Nazis, and the fact that no American politician has stood up and called out ANY of these men for actively seeking to OBLITERATE CIVIL RIGHTS FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN BIGOTRY scares me even more.  God, forget learning the lessons of WWII-- obviously, that's too esoteric for this bunch.  Apparently they're not even smart enough to learn the lessons from Disney!

And that's what scares the shit out of me.  It LITERALLY keeps me up at night.  Because it's not going to do me any good to think of Romney, Santorum, or Perry as a cartoon villain when the lives of good people that I care about are being destroyed because one of these bozos are leading gullible peasants to the castle to kill the beast.

Poor Howard Ashman.  It was such a valuable lesson to leave as a legacy.  It was the kind of thing every artist DREAMS of doing before he or she dies--to write something brilliant, and memorable, and worthwhile, something that could change the world.

It should have worked.  Gaston should never have been allowed be resurrected, and to rouse the masses again.

So... Close... To... Done...

My work in progress writing wise is called Sidecar.  It's sort of a paean to the '80s/'90's, and I love it a lot.  It's not as painful as Keeping Promise Rock, and I tried not to go camp on the details that would take us back to that time period.  I remember noticing change, but not participating in trends, and since my characters are up in the Sierra Foothills, I gave them the same sensibility.  I hope the effect is subtle--but not... colorless.

And speaking of not colorless...

You may have noticed I got my cover suggestions for Chase in Shadow.  Yeah-- they gave me chills too.  I went with the one on the top left-- red door, razorblades, guy who looks not quite sane and yet obscenely pretty.  I felt like that captured the absolute gut-whopping "Oolf!" of the book, and it still does, even as Chase looks at me accusingly, because I fucked him up in so very many horrible ways.  So, that could be my most disturbing cover yet, but I was tempted to go with the one on the right.  But, as someone said, "That one looks hopeful!"

This book does have a Happy Ever After-- but the thing behind the red door is NOT hopeful.  I went with the hottie and the razorblades instead (although my love of painted covers has not yet dimmed) because the hottie with the razorblades seemed most iconic of suicidal porn star, right?  Right.


I also liked the one on the left here, with the red smear--but it didn't quite have the "Oolf" factor.  (And something about the pale background left the model's eyes looking not quite so summer-sky blue!  Dudes!) And since I was posting pictures, I thought I'd post a picture of the two models who inspired Chase and Tommy, so you could get a look at what inspired me.
 Spot on.  Almost creepy close, right?  And Tommy... Well, let's just say... yeah.  Tommy is described as Loki-the-manic-sex-god--and this guy does that for me!  Anyway-- so, these are the leads in Chase in Shadow-- and I'm biting my nails until its release.

And in other news?  Well, not much, actually.  I've been writing a lot--and not just on my own stuff.  I recently made the boneheaded move of starting a project with a co-writer (Aleksandr Voinov) as sort of a lark.  It was boneheaded because I'm already hyper committed, but I can't regret it because it's been a BLAST.  It all started when I pwnd Aleks on Twitter (yeah, even he admitted it was masterful-- it doesn't happen often, I'll savor it!) and someone said, "Write together!" and he said, "Wanna?" And I lost my mind.  It's fun-- it's ADDICTING--and that's why I don't think I'll do it often.  I've got a whole big bad queue I've got to mind--but damn.  A new challenge and a new idea?  Always a rush--and Aleks is an AMAZING writer--gritty, erotic, and just damned fun to work with.  I'll let you know when that comes out--our tentative title is Country Mouse, but, yanno, subject to change:-)

And I finished my Art Docent presentations this week.  I know that Matisse was a wild beast, Rousseau was self taught, and Van Gogh died at 38 and loved color, and the sea.  Not bad for a week spent snarling at the family and saying, "Leave me alone I'm trying to work here!"

Oh yeah-- SPN tonight.  Last week ended with this song, and it's been haunting me ever since.  No one's come up with an actual video yet, but the look on Dean's face?  Haunting all on it's own.

Book Shit Goes On...

Okay-- some interesting thing going on in book land--but first, news from the children:
Does anyone recognize the bucket of boat trash poncho?  Still fits but very differently.
Squish:  Mom, that's a graveyard.

Me:  Yes, it's a cemetery.

Squish:  A cemetery is a graveyard.  If you keep falling apart, you'll end up in a cemetery, and we'll have to go say goodbye to you.  But if you don't fall apart, we won't ever.

Me:  0.0  Yeah.  Okay.  Sure.

And Zoomboy?  He just came out and told me, "Look mom!"

Me: You're wearing Superman pajamas!

ZB:  Yeah-- and Finding Nemo underwear!

And THAT folks, is life with the short people;-)


And now, on to book land!

First of all-- I was so reeling from the overwhelming support at goodreads that I forgot to mention this, which is too bad, because it's a real honor, too.

I've been nominated in a couple of categories over at the Paranormal Romance Guild.  If you follow THIS LINK you will get to the ballot, and starting January 10th, you can vote.  I'm so proud of their good opinion-- I've known the wonderful people at the PRG for nearly five years, and they've been so supportive.  If you could go take a look and vote for ANY of the good books you see there, a lot of hard work on their part will be rewarded:-)

Second of all-- take a look at the small writing underneath the title, TALKER.  See anything unusual?  Yup!  Talker is one of the first titles in Dreamspinner's new foreign language line --this is the cover for the Spanish translation, but there will also be French and German, and it's already out in Audiobook (available at amazon.com) and... Gods.  Okay, back when I taught AP, I told students that I was counting on them to go out into the world. I was a small time person, in a small school, in a cowtown, but they were bound for great things.  If anything I taught them had any wisdom whatsoever, they could take that wisdom out into the world and do wonderful things, and I would be a part of that.  So I look at that title, and realize by book is being translated into three languages, and I want to cry, because this is me, going out into the world, to do wonderful things, just like I told them they could accomplish.  For the span of a novella, (or three;-)  I'm not a small time person, in a small school, in a cow town-- for the span of a novella, I am out in the world, hopefully doing great things.  I am so proud.


And the third thing is that I'm a part of this!  I wrote a story--pure fantasy, with no (repeat, NO!!!) SWEARING--I know.  Someone just fainted.  And, of course, my least raunchy story was the one I sent in to Cup-o-Porn.  But here's the lowdown on that story and some others written by some AMAZING authors, and we are all a part of it:-0  Check out the Cup-o-porn birthday bash on January 23 to see some free stories-- mine included.  (For those of you who like my epic fantasy and not so much my more, umm, explicit stuff?  Please keep your eyes closed for most of cup-o-porn.  I plan to look all I want, but I don't want anyone to be shocked:-)

Oh yes!  And I was part of an interview panel over HERE, and if you're interested in things I've learned about the business of writing, here you go!

And that's about all, folks... whew!  Dudes, I don't even have time to whine about my doozy of a day!  Sweet dreams!

Amy

Does Anyone Have a Virtual Sherpa?

So, uhm, the m/m romance group at GoodReads had a ballot for some of their favorite romance reads this year.  My, uhm, name might have come up a time or two.

I can not thank the moderators and supporters at GR enough.  I'm incredibly honored, ESPECIALLY because the company I'm keeping is so incredibly grand.  The other stories and authors on this list were pretty freakin' spectacular.  It's as close to the cool kids table as I will ever be--and the cool kids are still way cooler than me.  But I'm glad that we got to eat lunch together--it was really quite a meal.

Question 6
Best Story that Should/Must have a Sequel
 Something Like Summer by Jay Bell
 Clear Water by Amy Lane
 The Locker Room by Amy Lane




Question 7
Best Title
 Come Unto These Yellow Sands by Josh Lanyon
 How to Keep the Love of Your Life (After Mistaking Him for a Serial Killer) by Maureen Willmann
 I Love You Asshole! By Amy Lane
 Bear Otter and the Kid by TJ Klune
 Where the Allegheny Meets the Monongahela by Felicia Watson


Question 8
Best Tearjerking scene
 Bear Otter and the Kid by TJ Klune - The scenes with Bear and the Kid in the bathtub during their 'earthquakes'.
 The Locker Room by Amy Lane - When Xander is throwing up in the bathroom after Chris gets hurt.
 Bloodlines by Andrea Speed - The death of Paris.


Question 9
Coming Out (theme)
 Bear Otter and the Kid by TJ Klune
 The Locker Room by Amy Lane
 Breaking Cover by Kaje Harper




Question 11
Best Tear Jerker (theme)
 The Locker Room by Amy Lane
 Between Sinners and Saints by Marie Sexton
 Living Promises by Amy Lane




Question 12
Best Side/Supporting Character
 The Kid – Bear Otter and the Kid by TJ Klune
 Fly Bait – Clear Water by Amy Lane
 Crane – Honored Vow by Mary Calmes





Question 15
Friends to Lovers (theme)
 Hot Head by Damon Suede
 Bear Otter and the Kid by TJ Klune
 The Locker Room by Amy Lane




Question 16
Humorous (theme)
 Divide & Conquer by Madeleine Urban and Abigail Roux
 Mummy Dearest by Josh Lanyon
 Clear Water by Amy Lane


Question 17
Young Adult Characters (theme)
 Talker's Redemption by Amy Lane
 Something Like Summer by Jay Bell
 Bridges by MJ O'Shea





Question 21
Best Sex Scene
 Hot Head by Damon Suede - The couch scene.
 Clear Water by Amy Lane - First time together for Whiskey and Patrick.
 Bayou Dreams by Lynn Lorenz - Scott claiming his mate.





Question 22
Best First Time
 The Locker Room by Amy Lane
 Where the Allegheny Meets the Monongahela by Felicia Watson
 Wanting by Piper Vaughn

Question 26
Favorite All Time M/M Series
 Fatal Shadows by Josh Lanyon - Adrien English Mystery Series
 Cut & Run by Madeleine Urban and Abigail Roux - Cut & Run
 Keeping Promise Rock by Amy Lane - Promises
 Promises by Marie Sexton - Coda Books






Gay/Out For You (theme)
 Hot Head by Damon Suede
 Bear Otter and the Kid by TJ Klune
 The Locker Room by Amy Lane





Question 28
Favorite All Time M/M Romance Book
 Keeping Promise Rock by Amy Lane
 Zero at the Bone by Jane Seville
 Bareback by Chris Owen




Question 29
Favorite All Time M/M Author
 Josh Lanyon
 Amy Lane
 Mary Calmes 



Question 34
SciFi/Futuristic/Post Apocalyptic (genre)
 A Solid Core of Alpha by Amy Lane
 18% Gray by Anne Tenino
 Grown Men by Damon Suede
 Kidnapped by Megan Derr
 Out of the Woods by Syd McGinley


Question 36
Long 250 pages or 100K words (book)
 Divide & Conquer by Madeleine Urban and Abigail Roux
 Between Sinners and Saints by Marie Sexton
 A Solid Core of Alpha by Amy Lane

Question 37
Best World Created A Solid Core of Alpha by Amy Lane
 Dance in the Dark by Megan Derr
 18% Gray by Anne Tenino
 Hell's Pawn by Jay Bell




Question 40
Most Surprising/Unique Plot Device                   (Medal Pending:-)
 A Solid Core of Alpha by Amy Lane
 Static by LA Witt
 Hell's Pawn by Jay Bell

I have to pee, it must be morning...

LOLOL...

Okay, now that I'm done laughing at my own joke, I shall give you a brief report.  Basically?  The kids are back at school and I am writing myself STUPID.  STUPID I tell you-- I am sleep deprived, cranky, and irrational, and the dragon is riding my back so hard I've got bloody stripes down my flesh.  (heh heh heh... see?  Purple prose in a blog... TOLDYA I wasn't sane!)

Anyway, I was a good mommy all winter break-- I only wrote when no one was around to SEE me working, and most of my down time was knitting time anyway, so I could sit and watch Christmas specials and go see lights and make Christmas baskets etc. etc. , which meant I didn't get a lot of work DONE!  And as much as I needed it, as much as I loved the time with my family... well, I was blowing off a deadline.  I'm proud that I was able to set it aside and be mommy, and love it with 100% of my heart... but now?

Now I's gotsta write my little heart out.  And I have been.  But staying up until two in the morning and getting up at 6:30 (because all the soda/water/vitamin water I drank at 1:30 to stay up has hit the fan and I have to pee like no racehorse in history!)  And, well, the inevitable has happened.  I'm a widdo-bit stoned on sleep deprivation, and am about two hours from sitting in a corner and giggling to myself, and then writing another chapter of absolute driveling nonsense in the same way I talk for HOURS if there was someone here to talk back to me.  (Mate has gotten to the point where he recognizes this.  If I crawl into bed at two a.m. and am suddenly all hot to talk about laundry, finances, and child-rearing, sometimes he has to say, "Shut up, Amy, and go to sleep," or we will BOTH be sleep deprived, and that's no fun at all. He doesn't get the giggles for one, and if neither of us is rational, we tend to yell at each other about stupid stuff and then get all sad when we're done.)

But Sidecar is coming along nicely.  It's a period piece (too recent to be an historical) about the 80's... now, everyone knows about the hair and the music, but some of this has made me research shit.  When did we stop air-popping popcorn and start microwaving it?  When did Pert get big?  (At least '86, because Mate used it in his hair and it smelled SO good!)  How much did gas cost?  What did guys do with their hair after the mullet grew out?  How did guys look sexy in the early nineties when they were suddenly wearing oversized plaid flannel?  How would a guy who likes mostly rock 'n' roll seduce a George Michael/Madonna fan into electric guitar?

So I've had fun playing with that--but it still feels detail thin.

So, what's YOUR favorite 80's/2012 time warp?  What details would YOU add, if you were writing Joe and Casey's story?  Because, although the end is in sight, there's still a bit of a journey, and I want this to be so textured, you can smell the Pert!  Let me know-- I'll love to hear ideas!

And in the meantime?  I'm gonna go lie down and pet Steve and giggle to myself until I sleep:-)

Whew! Now that THAT'S over with...

I'm ready to start a new year!

I didn't make a lot of New Year's resolutions-- mostly the whole "gonna lose weight" thing, blah blah blah... I WOULD like to read everybody's blogs more-- I miss that.  You're my friends and I feel I've been neglecting you.  Unfortunately, I make that resolution when there's kids in the house--people, I've got to tell you, the older they get, the more they talk, the less likely I am to, I don't know, have two brain cells fire in sequence without an interruption!

I have to admit.  This weekend, I just gave up.  I gave up on getting work done (which, paradoxically, is when I got a LOT of it done--go figure!)  I gave up on knitting, I just... I dunno.  I sat on the chair and fell asleep a lot.  Got some knitting done, and, well, I guess the kids are calling it "chillaxing", and it seems sort of new fangled and, *yawn*  full of sleeping, but I gotta say, it was oddly refreshing too!


Although, I have to admit... "napping" on the chair with kids on my lap has changed tone in the last couple of years.  For one thing, the kids have become a lot more active.  Nothing is LESS restful than sitting on a chair while two grade schoolers initiate a cold war of bickering, and then follow it up with hand-infantry and full-metal squirming, complete with lethal ass-bones and the occasional boob-popping jab with the elbow.  Be that as it may, it did not stop me from waking up yesterday with Squish on my lap, telling Richard Dreyfuss why he was living his life wrong to end up in that shark cage in the ocean.

"You need to get out of that cage because you should NOT be there.  That is a BAD place to be, and that shark will get you.  You need to get on the boat, because sharks don't go there."  *snicker*  The rest of the movie really WAS  a surprise to her, and I'm ashamed to say, I was so out of it, I let her see it.  by then, Zoomboy was on the other side of me, and she took the bossing to a whole new level.

"You need to look away, because this is icky.  I can watch, because I don't get nightmares, but you get scared.  Look away now--good.  Eww.  The shark bit him and he's bleeding now."

And, of course, by this time, I was fully awake and laughing my ass off.

Another thing that has made this vacation not quite so restful is that Chicken has her driver's permit, Goddess save us all.  We spent an hour yesterday doing three point turns, which was good (although if I hadn't had my knitting, I would have been carsick) and she was...

Okay.  I"m sure my nearest and dearest will tell you I was a worse driver when I was her age--but that is only because my nearest and dearest were of the "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR, A SIGN FROM GOD!!!?" school of teaching driving, and I am more from the "A panicked driver is a driver who will dart into an oncoming lane because it suddenly seems like the right thing to do!" school of driving.  So, while I endeavor not to panic, Chicken endeavors not to ACT panicked, while in the meantime, her voice has risen an octave, her game-face is locked on, and she's telling me how totally calm she is.

*headdesk*

Yeah.  I seem to remember telling her father he was going to teach her.  He seemed to have a good philosophy, too,--it involved him eating a cookie while she drove.  I liked that.  I think he should do more of that-- just sayin'!  (Besides-- he's the one who will be less impacted by the cookie eating.  Again, sayin'...)

But generally?  I'm feeling a little more refreshed than I was two weeks ago, and a little more positive--and a little more certain that once the kids are back in school, I will DEFINITELY be on the write path.  No, that's not a misspelling... writing with them in the house has become a near impossibility.  I foresee a lot of me with my laptop at McDonalds over the summer.  Yay team!

And in the meantime?  Thank you everybody-- thank you so very very much.  Everyone who left comments, both here and at goodreads.com -- you were supportive and wonderful and really really awesome.  I'm starting the New Year VERY clean, VERY shiny, and with VERY much promise.  Thank you.  You all helped that happen.

Amy

Things I didn't count on

Okay-- we're supposed to say goodbye to the old year before saying hello to the new, right?  Well, I've had this piece actually WRITTEN UP for over a month.  I didn't publish it at first because the whole thing wasn't wrapped up, and then I didn't publish it because I'd put out the other things with fewer details, and I was sick of talking about it by then.  But this was still in my archives, and it was still a significant part of my year.

I still don't want to talk about it.  It dominated my thoughts for so very long.  But I didn't want to delete this post either.  It was just hanging out in the back of the post closet, like luggage.  So I'm going to toss out the old--clear the air, as much as I possibly can (because some shit is still listed under confidential, and I'll honor that)  and then when I talk about this event in the past tense, folks will know what happened.  Those of you who have been here for a long haul already know what my writing has cost me, and how much of everything--joy, pain, anger, whatever--lies behind the words, "Yeah, I used to teach."


* I didn't count on homophobia being so rampant in my community.

*  I didn't count on being pulled out of my classroom and put under investigation from my school district after one parent complaint about their student reading Truth in the Dark and Litha's Constant Whim in October of last year.

*  I didn't count on the powers that be taking one look at the book, seeing two male leads, and calling it porn.

*  I didn't count on having two lawyers assigned to me to help me get my job back.

*  I didn't count on the whole process taking over 14 months.

*  I didn't count on lapsing into depression when a chance to go back into the classroom was cruelly jerked away from me last November.

*  I didn't count on yanking myself back to the here and now with the help of aqua-aerobics and the world's most supportive Mate.

*  I didn't count on missing a job that had caused me so much misery quite so badly.

*  I didn't count on stupid things triggering a big, aching hole in my chest.  (The sob-fest I had over the graduation event of The Suite Life of Zach and Cody was not one of my finer moments.)

*  I didn't count on the district spending a WHOLE lot of money investigating every move documented in my blog for the last five years to see if they had anything to fire me with.

*  I didn't count on looking at my past blogs and realizing how very alienated I felt from my profession.

*  I didn't count on the investigator looking at my past logs and not finding anything at all that was actually a fireable offense--not even calling my past principal a vainglorious prickweenie and a festering cockroach turd.

*  I didn't count on how hard it would be to let go of my identity as a teacher, even over the course of fourteen months.

*  I didn't count on the feeling of freedom I would get when faced with the prospects of making my living on the merit of my writing alone.

*  I didn't count on my lawyer telling me I had an EXTREMELY defensible case, if I chose to pursue it.

* I didn't count on the little part of me that wanted to fight like hell for my job just so I could quit on my own terms.

*  I didn't count on Mate feeling the same way.

*  In spite of that last one, I didn't count on being so very ready to walk away, when the time came to settle.
*  I didn't count on losing my emotional nut anyway, when I made the decision.  (In the parking lot of Safeway, of all things.)

*  I didn't count on my classroom being used as a storehouse when I came to pick up my stuff.

*  I didn't count on my dread of getting my things being not EVEN as fucked up as the event itself.

*  I didn't count on my crazy friend Wendy trying to take EVERYTHING out of the room, even shit that had no practical purpose, while I was trying grimly to sort the stuff that was mine from the stuff that had been thrown into the room for the sheer fuckery of it.

*  I didn't count on not seeing anyone I knew when I went back.  I didn't count on not being able to say goodbye.

*  I didn't count on screaming to the lyrics of Bleed It Out as we finished packing up.
*  I didn't count on ever being able to type this up, and know it was done.  
*  I didn't count on facing the demise of a career I loved with quite this much peace.

The Good Week

So, we went to Mate's mom's and grandma's yesterday, and exchanged gifts.  Ours was mostly fudge and a washcloth, theirs was mostly See's candy.  But it was a family meeting for Christmas, and that's always lovely.  The sky was amazing on the way home--I love that stark contrast between the oak trees and the great beyond, so I tried to capture it on my crappy camera and was reminded of my first book cover, Vulnerable.  Mate took that picture in some of the same country, and I love it, and I love this picture (bad resolution and all) as well.
And this is an Air Swimmer.  It's one of Zoomboy's presents from Santa-- It's sort of amazing, actually.  It's a remote controlled balloon.  You press the button and this giant fin, painstakingly attached to the balloon's pointed arse, waves slowly back and forth and the big shark thing moves down the hall.  You press another button, and that weight thing yoiu see moves up and down, and the shark can go lower or higher on command.  DUDE!  Coolest present EVER!  Squish, on the other hand, got lots and lots of Barbies-- but her reaction to them was priceless.  "Look, Mom!  I got a pink car!  With HUMANS in the front!"
So Barbies are now "humans"--and humans are surprised!
My present--unanticipated, mind you-- was an HD radio.  I was not expecting it.  It seems that Mate, seeing me deal with my little portable speaker/iPod assembly, was full of both mortification and pity, and felt the need to rectify that wrong.  The result is a new car stereo so magical, it makes my crappy old speakers sound decent, and it has an iPod jack.  I love it--and so does Mate, who drives my car when we go out as a family.  My present to him was a new shirt and a copy of Mel Brooks doing his 2000 year old man bit-- something Mate was both surprised at and happy for, but that leaves me feeling, once again, a little bit "special" in the gifting department.  Ah, well.
And this is my family on Christmas Eve.  The kids had just opened their ONE present for the evening, and they all picked the present from each other--which they are modeling.  They made each other so happy--and that, in turn, made Mate and I ecstatic.
And now, it's about getting back to work--albeit in a leisurely, "I can quit when there's a good movie on" sort of way.  We visit Sam's family today-- I should finish the socks I started working on for Sam's mom.    And I'm back in aqua classes--mostly because if I don't go, I can't move, my neck and shoulders hurt so bad!
So this is the good week-- the relaxing, take Chicken shopping and driving sort of week.  (Her first driving lesson from a professional left her profoundly scarred and sobbing on the bed.  God save us from young drivers!)  The sleep in and let the kids sit on my lap sort of week.  My favorite part of Christmas, when our house is messy, our hearts full, and when we can play with our Air Swimmers and small humans in peace:-)

Hark the Herald Angels Sing...

Me:  Some people believe that God had a woman on earth give birth to his son.


Squish:  Then she would be the Goddess mommy, right?

Me:  Absofrickinlutely.


*****

Zoomboy:  Let's play the end-letter game.  I'll start.  TigeR.

Me:  ReallY?

Zoomboy:  Yes!

*****

Me:  Chicken, if I call my phone will you go get it?

Chicken:  Yeah, sure.  *listens for ring tone*  There it is.  Under your ten piles of crap.

Me:  You had any doubts.


*****

Me, while Mate is driving us down a BUSY URBAN road we probably drive three times a week:  Ostrich.

Mate:  Emu?

Me:  NO!  There is a FUCKING OSTRICH on that bare spot of land beyond those trees.  And about six zillion pigs.

Mate:  Wow.  Go figure.

Me:  Zoomboy tried to tell me about it a couple of weeks ago.  I thought he was just riffing on jungle animals.  My bad.

*****

Chicken:  Here's your phone!

Me:  What did you do to it?

Chicken:  Made it Japanese.

Me:  Christmas Yaoi.  How festive!

Chicken:  But of course.  And you're welcome.

*****

Zoomboy, holding up Steve the girl cat to Chiquita the girl dog:  Hello, dog.  Here is the cat you slept with!

Me (to myself):  I have no idea what that means, but I bet the dog is really confused.

*****

Big T, outside in the 50 degree weather in shorts and zorries, washing the pickup truck Mate has helped my father fix up for him:  But if I was wearing cold weather clothes they'd just get wet when I washed the car.

Me:  But you don't even have your PERMIT, why does the car need to be clean?

*****

Me (over the phone, in front of the store):  Okay, so I need to buy vegetable oil.  What else.

Chicken:  Nuts.

Me:  So vegetable oil and nuts for the fudge.

Chicken:  Yes.

Me:  Vegetable oil and nuts for the fudge.

Chicken (snickering):  Yes.

Me:  Fudge nuts.

Chicken:  STOP!

Me:  Vegetable oil and nuts for the fudge, vegetable oil and nuts for the fudge, vegetable oil and nuts for the fudge... my God, there's just no way to say that without it sounding dirty, is there?

Chicken (laughing uncontrollably):  No... oh God... no...

*****

Mate (after tasting peanut butter fudge he's made):  Oh God, that's good.

Me:  Can I have a piece?

Mate:  A piece is too much.  This has to be doled out in shavings.

*****

Squish (after wrapping up a candle we have on the mantlepiece in paper towels, wrapping paper, and an entire container of tape):  Do you want to open your present mom?

*****

Me (to my editor after turning in a project):  Okay-- I can't do anything else until after Christmas.  Unless you can think of a way for me to knit with my hands while typing with my toes.

*****

Me (texting to my "work wife" Mary):  Sorry I dropped the conversation.  Mate was busy asking me about my online girlfriend and then tickling me until I screamed.

Mary:  My husband says the same thing about you.

*****
Chicken's best friend, after spending two hours in the car with us, looking for Christmas lights:  Thank you--I had a lot of fun!

Me:  Really?

Best friend:  Really-- I love your family!

Me, to Mate and Chicken, after she's walked in:  I have no idea why.

Chicken:  Me neither, but she keeps asking to come back.

*****

May your holidays be merry and your Christmas/Solstice/Hanukkah be especially bright, and may you feel as blessed as I am by my family and friends, both online and IRL.  I know I cannot count my blessings, because there are just too many to count.

Love and peace and wishes warm,

Amy