Jane Alvey Harris's Blog
May 31, 2018
MY EPIC PARENTING FAIL, or How My Thirteen Year-old Daughter Metaphorically Kicked My Ass.
Deep breath…Welcome to my AUTHOR WEB PAGE!!!Betcha didn’t even know I wanted to be an author, did you? Or maybe you’ve seen the “Works at Author, Writing” on the About section of my Facebook page and thought, “How cute.”Guys, it’s not only that I want to be an author. I’m actually an honest-to-goodness author! I’ve written an actual book and guess what. It isn’t just good…it’s beautiful, hilarious, important, inspiring and heartbreaking. For. REALS.“Oh. What’s it called?” you ask. “Maybe I’ve heard of it,” you say.Nope. You haven’t, and I’ll tell you why. Because I’m a lily-livered pip-squeak chicken, that’s why.Self-promotion is HARD. 
And querying agents sucks donkey balls. Big ones. I’m working with an incredible editor/consultant but this process is intimidating as hell. I’ve also been toying with the idea of self-publishing, but truthfully I spend a huge amount of energy begging the Universe to send the perfect agent/advocate to my door. She will advocate her heart out for me and we will ride off into the sunset together making international book and movie deals…Time to cut to the nitty-gritty. I sheepishly present to you:MY EPIC PARENTING FAIL, or: How My Thirteen Year-old Daughter Metaphorically Kicked My Ass.Background: I’m a self-proclaimed Literature Snob. My sons are too. So is my ex-husband. And we’re all writers. While we don’t go around publicly belittling what other people read, we have certainly turned our noses up in private.Claire is the baby of the family at thirteen. She’s not a lit snob. In fact, before yesterday, I’d have said Claire isn’t really into reading. She likes watching and creating anime, especially Naruto anime. I wouldn’t even mention that she adores reading Naruto fan fiction because in all honesty it never occurred to me that fan fiction counts as reading. And we (her brothers and father and I) have never been shy about letting her know our opinion on the subject, even though none of us has ever read any fan fiction and we have nothing to base our opinions on.Nice, aren’t we?(Don’t answer that…it gets much worse).The other day Claire stayed home from school because she didn’t feel well. We were sitting next to each other on the couch in the family room, she with her laptop and I with mine. I’m working on a query when Claire casually says: “Ugh. I have writer’s block.” 
I smile and think it’s sweet she’s writing something. I pat her knee. “That’s okay, Poopsie. Just draw one of your Naruto characters. You’ll get unstuck.”“But I haven’t posted in a long time,” she says, “and people really like the story. I feel like I’m letting them down.”“Letting who down with what?” I ask.“My readers.”“Your what, now?”“My readers. I have readers in almost twenty different countries.”“Readers of what?”“My fan fiction.”“The Naruto fan fiction you write in your journal?”“Yeah. I post it on-line.”“Haha. Lol.” (I actually said “lol”. It’s a word now). “You’re so cute, Clairesy!”She starts reading off names of countries where her readers live.***I know some of you are shaking your heads now and thinking to yourself: Oh WOW. That is an epic parenting fail! How could she not know what her thirteen year-old daughter was doing on line? Doesn’t she monitor her?? Well…enjoy your judgment, friends. I asked myself that, too. But that’s not the parenting fail. And it isn't twenty countries. It's thirty-one.***“Claire. Are you serious?”“Yes.”“How long have you been posting?”“Since the end of July. I’ve posted five chapters.”“Show me.”“No way.”“Right now, Claire. I want to read it.”“Sorry, you don’t get to read it. You guys always make fun of me. You’ll think it’s stupid.”“I won’t, I promise.”“I said no. It’s my decision.”“It isn’t a decision, Claire. I’m your mother. It’s my responsibility to monitor what you do on the Internet.”“Then I’ll take it down, but I’m not letting you read it.”And that is when I realized I’d alienated my daughter. By judging something she loved as beneath me. Epic. FAIL.Before I left to pick sixteen year-old Aidan up from school I text my Ex. He’s in Romania on business.“Are you still up?” No answer.“I have a parenting dilemma.”My phone rings. Aaron sounds tired. “What happened?”I hate how shrill my voice sounds while I explain the situation.After he recovers from shock he says, “Okay. First, tell my why you want to read what she posted. Is it because you’re afraid of inappropriate content?”“Ugh. Not really. But I feel like a bad parent because I didn’t know she was doing it.”“I get that. But two things come to mind. First thing, you aren’t naïve that way. Look at her friends. Look at her activities. You check her cell phone and you always know where she is. That’s not what this is about.”“I know, I know. It’s just I can’t believe I…”“Second thing,” he interrupts my downward guilt-spiral, “Jane. She is just like YOU.”“I KNOW. That’s why I’m torn! Writing is so private!!"(Editor’s note: Aidan just came and asked me what I’m writing and I hid my MacBook from him because I didn’t want him to see). I know exactly how Claire feels about sharing what she’s written, especially with someone who has a history of making fun of her genre of choice.Poor Aaron. I couldn’t get my self-guilt and shame words out fast enough…like a magician pulling toxic colorful scarfs from her mouth.“Jane. Tell her you’re sorry. Don’t make this a power struggle.”I thanked him and apologized for waking him up and when Aidan got in the car I blurted, “Get this. While you and I are whining about never getting published, Claire is internationally famous.”“Excuse me?” He’s floored.“Yep.”We share a solemn stare. Both our asses have been kicked. By a thirteen year-old.When I get home, I knock on Claire’s door. “Go away.”“Clairesy. I’m so sorry for how I acted. I’m so proud of you. You are passionate about your writing and you didn’t listen to anyone who told you it was silly. You didn’t even ask for help. You wanted to put it out there and you made it happen. You inspire me. And I promise, if you ever trust me enough to let me read it I won’t judge you. I swear. I love you Poopsie.”And that was it. She didn’t open the door and I didn’t ask her to. But after dinner she brought her laptop into the family room and sat next to me on the couch again.“You can read two chapters.”I whisper a silent thank you to all the little gods.After several, “Where are you now’s?” she finally asks me to read it out loud (I’m super good at it), and GUYS. I am in AWE of my daughter. If I’m generous—to me—I will tell you her witty dialogue reminds me of my own, and her character development is on fleek. I genuinely laugh several times. I’m reading FAN FICTION about NARUTO and I LIKE IT.When I’m done with all five chapters, we read the reviews and comments together, too. I look at my daughter like the talented, determined, strong woman she is becoming, like the inspiration she is. It's humbling how close I came to never having this opportunity because of my limited view of the world. I also realize that I am being silly for waiting for the perfect thing to fall in my lap when I could be actively creating the things I want to achieve.So today I am shouting from the rooftops of my very first blog that I AM AN AUTHOR. I can write…really well. Not only that, but my story is important.I’m doing this.Sincerely,JaneP.S. I sincerely thank my children for teaching me every day. Sorry it takes me so long to learn sometimes. Please don’t give up on me!
And querying agents sucks donkey balls. Big ones. I’m working with an incredible editor/consultant but this process is intimidating as hell. I’ve also been toying with the idea of self-publishing, but truthfully I spend a huge amount of energy begging the Universe to send the perfect agent/advocate to my door. She will advocate her heart out for me and we will ride off into the sunset together making international book and movie deals…Time to cut to the nitty-gritty. I sheepishly present to you:MY EPIC PARENTING FAIL, or: How My Thirteen Year-old Daughter Metaphorically Kicked My Ass.Background: I’m a self-proclaimed Literature Snob. My sons are too. So is my ex-husband. And we’re all writers. While we don’t go around publicly belittling what other people read, we have certainly turned our noses up in private.Claire is the baby of the family at thirteen. She’s not a lit snob. In fact, before yesterday, I’d have said Claire isn’t really into reading. She likes watching and creating anime, especially Naruto anime. I wouldn’t even mention that she adores reading Naruto fan fiction because in all honesty it never occurred to me that fan fiction counts as reading. And we (her brothers and father and I) have never been shy about letting her know our opinion on the subject, even though none of us has ever read any fan fiction and we have nothing to base our opinions on.Nice, aren’t we?(Don’t answer that…it gets much worse).The other day Claire stayed home from school because she didn’t feel well. We were sitting next to each other on the couch in the family room, she with her laptop and I with mine. I’m working on a query when Claire casually says: “Ugh. I have writer’s block.” I smile and think it’s sweet she’s writing something. I pat her knee. “That’s okay, Poopsie. Just draw one of your Naruto characters. You’ll get unstuck.”“But I haven’t posted in a long time,” she says, “and people really like the story. I feel like I’m letting them down.”“Letting who down with what?” I ask.“My readers.”“Your what, now?”“My readers. I have readers in almost twenty different countries.”“Readers of what?”“My fan fiction.”“The Naruto fan fiction you write in your journal?”“Yeah. I post it on-line.”“Haha. Lol.” (I actually said “lol”. It’s a word now). “You’re so cute, Clairesy!”She starts reading off names of countries where her readers live.***I know some of you are shaking your heads now and thinking to yourself: Oh WOW. That is an epic parenting fail! How could she not know what her thirteen year-old daughter was doing on line? Doesn’t she monitor her?? Well…enjoy your judgment, friends. I asked myself that, too. But that’s not the parenting fail. And it isn't twenty countries. It's thirty-one.***“Claire. Are you serious?”“Yes.”“How long have you been posting?”“Since the end of July. I’ve posted five chapters.”“Show me.”“No way.”“Right now, Claire. I want to read it.”“Sorry, you don’t get to read it. You guys always make fun of me. You’ll think it’s stupid.”“I won’t, I promise.”“I said no. It’s my decision.”“It isn’t a decision, Claire. I’m your mother. It’s my responsibility to monitor what you do on the Internet.”“Then I’ll take it down, but I’m not letting you read it.”And that is when I realized I’d alienated my daughter. By judging something she loved as beneath me. Epic. FAIL.Before I left to pick sixteen year-old Aidan up from school I text my Ex. He’s in Romania on business.“Are you still up?” No answer.“I have a parenting dilemma.”My phone rings. Aaron sounds tired. “What happened?”I hate how shrill my voice sounds while I explain the situation.After he recovers from shock he says, “Okay. First, tell my why you want to read what she posted. Is it because you’re afraid of inappropriate content?”“Ugh. Not really. But I feel like a bad parent because I didn’t know she was doing it.”“I get that. But two things come to mind. First thing, you aren’t naïve that way. Look at her friends. Look at her activities. You check her cell phone and you always know where she is. That’s not what this is about.”“I know, I know. It’s just I can’t believe I…”“Second thing,” he interrupts my downward guilt-spiral, “Jane. She is just like YOU.”“I KNOW. That’s why I’m torn! Writing is so private!!"(Editor’s note: Aidan just came and asked me what I’m writing and I hid my MacBook from him because I didn’t want him to see). I know exactly how Claire feels about sharing what she’s written, especially with someone who has a history of making fun of her genre of choice.Poor Aaron. I couldn’t get my self-guilt and shame words out fast enough…like a magician pulling toxic colorful scarfs from her mouth.“Jane. Tell her you’re sorry. Don’t make this a power struggle.”I thanked him and apologized for waking him up and when Aidan got in the car I blurted, “Get this. While you and I are whining about never getting published, Claire is internationally famous.”“Excuse me?” He’s floored.“Yep.”We share a solemn stare. Both our asses have been kicked. By a thirteen year-old.When I get home, I knock on Claire’s door. “Go away.”“Clairesy. I’m so sorry for how I acted. I’m so proud of you. You are passionate about your writing and you didn’t listen to anyone who told you it was silly. You didn’t even ask for help. You wanted to put it out there and you made it happen. You inspire me. And I promise, if you ever trust me enough to let me read it I won’t judge you. I swear. I love you Poopsie.”And that was it. She didn’t open the door and I didn’t ask her to. But after dinner she brought her laptop into the family room and sat next to me on the couch again.“You can read two chapters.”I whisper a silent thank you to all the little gods.After several, “Where are you now’s?” she finally asks me to read it out loud (I’m super good at it), and GUYS. I am in AWE of my daughter. If I’m generous—to me—I will tell you her witty dialogue reminds me of my own, and her character development is on fleek. I genuinely laugh several times. I’m reading FAN FICTION about NARUTO and I LIKE IT.When I’m done with all five chapters, we read the reviews and comments together, too. I look at my daughter like the talented, determined, strong woman she is becoming, like the inspiration she is. It's humbling how close I came to never having this opportunity because of my limited view of the world. I also realize that I am being silly for waiting for the perfect thing to fall in my lap when I could be actively creating the things I want to achieve.So today I am shouting from the rooftops of my very first blog that I AM AN AUTHOR. I can write…really well. Not only that, but my story is important.I’m doing this.Sincerely,JaneP.S. I sincerely thank my children for teaching me every day. Sorry it takes me so long to learn sometimes. Please don’t give up on me!
ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE: To Die, or Not to Die, that is the Question...
My good friend, James McCann, Author Extraordinaire of the amazing post-apocalyptic Children of Ruin, asked me to write up a guest post for his blog about what I would do in the event of a ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. (Click here to visit James' website!)I bet he wasn't expecting to hear that I already have a 'Zombie Contingency Plan' ready to go. But I totally DO.
Here's the thing. I don't like zombies. Like, AT ALL. "Well, duh, Jane," you might scoff. "Nobody likes zombies!" Yeah, yeah. So you say. But I know some of you secretly can't wait to get out there and dust up some undead. I for REALS want NOTHING to do with them.Anyone who knows me well knows what I would do in the event of a zombie apocalypse. I think it's an important disclosure, and one that can tell you a lot about a person. 
Do YOUR loved ones know about your Zombie Apocalypse Contingency Plan?
Mine do, and it's pretty simple: I would off myself.Immediately.
Trust me, I know this isn't a popular plan, and you're welcome to try and change my mind. But you won't. I promise: I would only choose this plan IF there were an apocalypse, and IF that apocalypse produced brain-eating zombies.IF, PEOPLE!!!But I digress. When my three lovely children were babies, I would have offed them, too.However, now that Jacob, Aidan, and Claire are quasi-adults, they've strictly forbidden me from murdering them in cold blood.
To be fair (to me) I would have done it with love in my heart...TO SAVE THEM FROM HAVING TO ENDURE SOMETHING SO DEHUMANIZING!!!
Because, (sorry, James) why would anyone want to survive a Zombie Apocalypse?? The living turn into MONSTERS, and like, strap strangers to mattresses for their snacking convenience (I'm still traumatized after reading Cormac McCarty's "The Road") and all the undead are gory, gross, brain-eating machines. I see no tenable future in that scenario. On the other hand, Emily, the main character in my current series, the My Myth Trilogy, would 
handle things quite differently. She's a caricature of my own personality, which makes her simultaneously stronger and weaker than I am. Emily would survive to save her siblings Jacob, Aidan, and Claire. They're her whole purpose, her reason for striving, her reason for facing her demons, her reason for doing really difficult things that almost paralyze her. The following scene from Secret Keeper, book two in the My Myth Trilogy, is set in an inky black, creepy-as-hell crypt. This scene offers insight into Emily's relationship with her siblings, illustrating that even in her darkest, scariest times, they bring light and humor to her life. “...besides, Aidan, I don’t for one minute believe you’re nervous about coming in here just because it’s a crypt. You’re practically immune to the entire horror genre!” It’s true. Whenever the boys and I watch scary movies, Jacob and I plug our ears and cover our eyes almost the entire time. But not Aidan. He’d probably be stoked if there were ever a zombie attack IRL. I even gifted him a so-called zombie-decapitating katana for his birthday last year. Who knew you could buy an actual katana from Amazon and have it delivered to your house all for the low-low shipping cost of free if your absentee mother is a Prime member? In my defense, I thought the sword was fake when I ordered it. But yeah, I still gave it to him when I found out it wasn’t. #sisteroftheyear. - Emily, Secret Keeper, Chapter 15
Lol! The only difference between that excerpt and how it happened in real life is that I, their mother, purchased the katana using my own Amazon Prime account. **DON'T PLAY WITH KATANA'S KIDS! THEY'RE SUPER SHARP AND COULD PROBABLY ACTUALLY DECAPITATE SOMEONE** Seriously, why can I buy a real katana on Amazon???(We use ours to play Fruit Ninja. Click here to see a video)
Real talk, though. Emily may joke about zombies, but if they ever threatenedher brothers and sister, she would decimate them with her masculine and feminine Fae powers of Blaze and Keen. The only problem is that she's SO strong, she sometimes loses control. Even after training as a Shield Maiden and leading her warriors into battle, she's still a little touchy on the trigger. The undead wouldn't stand a chance against her, but the situation could still go really, REALLY wrong. Because, what if things got crazy and she accidentally hurt the people she loves most?Bottom line: You absolutely want Emily on your side in a zombie apocalypse. You just want to be very careful not to get too close... and you definitely never want to piss her off. As for me? I'm guessing you probably don't want me on your side. That's okay. I'll take care of myself! Hahahaha.*Upon reading this, my children would like to (rudely) point out:That's not how you use that meme.Do you even know what that meme is referencing?That's not a katana. (It says it is on Amazon!)I feel like Emily would actually just overdose on sleeping pills and pass out for most of the apocalypse. (Maybe in Riven, but she'd kick serious ass in Secret Keeper!)Nice, aren't they?THE END
Here's the thing. I don't like zombies. Like, AT ALL. "Well, duh, Jane," you might scoff. "Nobody likes zombies!" Yeah, yeah. So you say. But I know some of you secretly can't wait to get out there and dust up some undead. I for REALS want NOTHING to do with them.Anyone who knows me well knows what I would do in the event of a zombie apocalypse. I think it's an important disclosure, and one that can tell you a lot about a person. Do YOUR loved ones know about your Zombie Apocalypse Contingency Plan?Mine do, and it's pretty simple: I would off myself.Immediately.Trust me, I know this isn't a popular plan, and you're welcome to try and change my mind. But you won't. I promise: I would only choose this plan IF there were an apocalypse, and IF that apocalypse produced brain-eating zombies.IF, PEOPLE!!!But I digress. When my three lovely children were babies, I would have offed them, too.However, now that Jacob, Aidan, and Claire are quasi-adults, they've strictly forbidden me from murdering them in cold blood.To be fair (to me) I would have done it with love in my heart...TO SAVE THEM FROM HAVING TO ENDURE SOMETHING SO DEHUMANIZING!!!Because, (sorry, James) why would anyone want to survive a Zombie Apocalypse?? The living turn into MONSTERS, and like, strap strangers to mattresses for their snacking convenience (I'm still traumatized after reading Cormac McCarty's "The Road") and all the undead are gory, gross, brain-eating machines. I see no tenable future in that scenario. On the other hand, Emily, the main character in my current series, the My Myth Trilogy, would handle things quite differently. She's a caricature of my own personality, which makes her simultaneously stronger and weaker than I am. Emily would survive to save her siblings Jacob, Aidan, and Claire. They're her whole purpose, her reason for striving, her reason for facing her demons, her reason for doing really difficult things that almost paralyze her. The following scene from Secret Keeper, book two in the My Myth Trilogy, is set in an inky black, creepy-as-hell crypt. This scene offers insight into Emily's relationship with her siblings, illustrating that even in her darkest, scariest times, they bring light and humor to her life. “...besides, Aidan, I don’t for one minute believe you’re nervous about coming in here just because it’s a crypt. You’re practically immune to the entire horror genre!” It’s true. Whenever the boys and I watch scary movies, Jacob and I plug our ears and cover our eyes almost the entire time. But not Aidan. He’d probably be stoked if there were ever a zombie attack IRL. I even gifted him a so-called zombie-decapitating katana for his birthday last year. Who knew you could buy an actual katana from Amazon and have it delivered to your house all for the low-low shipping cost of free if your absentee mother is a Prime member? In my defense, I thought the sword was fake when I ordered it. But yeah, I still gave it to him when I found out it wasn’t. #sisteroftheyear. - Emily, Secret Keeper, Chapter 15Lol! The only difference between that excerpt and how it happened in real life is that I, their mother, purchased the katana using my own Amazon Prime account. **DON'T PLAY WITH KATANA'S KIDS! THEY'RE SUPER SHARP AND COULD PROBABLY ACTUALLY DECAPITATE SOMEONE** Seriously, why can I buy a real katana on Amazon???(We use ours to play Fruit Ninja. Click here to see a video)Real talk, though. Emily may joke about zombies, but if they ever threatenedher brothers and sister, she would decimate them with her masculine and feminine Fae powers of Blaze and Keen. The only problem is that she's SO strong, she sometimes loses control. Even after training as a Shield Maiden and leading her warriors into battle, she's still a little touchy on the trigger. The undead wouldn't stand a chance against her, but the situation could still go really, REALLY wrong. Because, what if things got crazy and she accidentally hurt the people she loves most?Bottom line: You absolutely want Emily on your side in a zombie apocalypse. You just want to be very careful not to get too close... and you definitely never want to piss her off. As for me? I'm guessing you probably don't want me on your side. That's okay. I'll take care of myself! Hahahaha.*Upon reading this, my children would like to (rudely) point out:That's not how you use that meme.Do you even know what that meme is referencing?That's not a katana. (It says it is on Amazon!)I feel like Emily would actually just overdose on sleeping pills and pass out for most of the apocalypse. (Maybe in Riven, but she'd kick serious ass in Secret Keeper!)Nice, aren't they?THE END
March 30, 2018
A Close(r) Read: Fantasy as Escape
Book TrailersMar 30
A quick survey of popular culture makes it clear that fantasy as a genre has come to mean fantasy ‘the fantastical.’ Tales of boy wizards and dragon-princesses and jewelry-obsessed small men take up the bulk of our big-budget blockbusters in the category. Yet fantasy in its truest form is an escape, a dream, a fiction, at times divorced from reality, but often spawned by it.Author Jane Alvey Harris’ My Myth trilogy explores this intersection between the real and the fantastic, specifically that which is anchored by trauma. Her book, Riven, explicitly links Emily’s trauma to her construction of the Fae Realm.With the release of the second volume, Secret Keeper, Harris continues to explore how we as humans have the immense capacity to construct hidden internal worlds, and how — under pressure of fear and stress — we can teeter on the brink of being consumed by them.Interestingly enough, Harris defines her novel not as ‘Fantasy’ but as ‘Psychological Thriller,’ as she reveals in an exclusive interview with Film 14. This is exemplified by the trailer’s choice of aesthetic — clean, sans-serif font. No swirly script or gilded crowns here — this type of fantasy has a place in the modern consciousness, and is perfectly at home in the here and now.
Behind The Scenes: On the set of SECRET KEEPER by Jane Alvey Harris.Director Nell Teare and Editor Max Rozen purposefully kept the presence of Secret Keeper’s faerie world to a minimum, focusing instead on Emily’s mental struggle, with scenes of hospitalization and therapy interspersed with evidence of self-harm.
However, accompanying these objective depictions of reality are brief abstractions — black ink runs down Emily’s face, her love interest Gabe cuts through a faceless crowd, bridging the sterile, outward-facing world of clinical mental health to the invisible (but not unreal) problems it seeks to treat…and exposing the discrepancy and tension between the two.
And then, in stark contrast, we see the power and mystery of Emily’s imagination.
Fiction provides distance (and therefore, space) to reflect on reality. At the same time, it is a mirror that distorts when seen up close. How have you used fantasy and internal worlds in your writing? Or characters who struggle with trauma? What about any pieces of lore you’ve repurposed lately? Let us know!Secret Keeper is now available to buy on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. To find out more about the My Myth Trilogy, visit Jane’s website here.Questions, comments, or just want to chat? Tweet us at @Film14Tweets or hit us up at film-14.com for more insights into our author services, trailer making, and the trailer creator process.
A quick survey of popular culture makes it clear that fantasy as a genre has come to mean fantasy ‘the fantastical.’ Tales of boy wizards and dragon-princesses and jewelry-obsessed small men take up the bulk of our big-budget blockbusters in the category. Yet fantasy in its truest form is an escape, a dream, a fiction, at times divorced from reality, but often spawned by it.Author Jane Alvey Harris’ My Myth trilogy explores this intersection between the real and the fantastic, specifically that which is anchored by trauma. Her book, Riven, explicitly links Emily’s trauma to her construction of the Fae Realm.With the release of the second volume, Secret Keeper, Harris continues to explore how we as humans have the immense capacity to construct hidden internal worlds, and how — under pressure of fear and stress — we can teeter on the brink of being consumed by them.Interestingly enough, Harris defines her novel not as ‘Fantasy’ but as ‘Psychological Thriller,’ as she reveals in an exclusive interview with Film 14. This is exemplified by the trailer’s choice of aesthetic — clean, sans-serif font. No swirly script or gilded crowns here — this type of fantasy has a place in the modern consciousness, and is perfectly at home in the here and now.Behind The Scenes: On the set of SECRET KEEPER by Jane Alvey Harris.Director Nell Teare and Editor Max Rozen purposefully kept the presence of Secret Keeper’s faerie world to a minimum, focusing instead on Emily’s mental struggle, with scenes of hospitalization and therapy interspersed with evidence of self-harm.However, accompanying these objective depictions of reality are brief abstractions — black ink runs down Emily’s face, her love interest Gabe cuts through a faceless crowd, bridging the sterile, outward-facing world of clinical mental health to the invisible (but not unreal) problems it seeks to treat…and exposing the discrepancy and tension between the two.And then, in stark contrast, we see the power and mystery of Emily’s imagination.Fiction provides distance (and therefore, space) to reflect on reality. At the same time, it is a mirror that distorts when seen up close. How have you used fantasy and internal worlds in your writing? Or characters who struggle with trauma? What about any pieces of lore you’ve repurposed lately? Let us know!Secret Keeper is now available to buy on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. To find out more about the My Myth Trilogy, visit Jane’s website here.Questions, comments, or just want to chat? Tweet us at @Film14Tweets or hit us up at film-14.com for more insights into our author services, trailer making, and the trailer creator process.
March 13, 2018
Personal Myth, weaving fragmented warp into luminous tapestry.
Dear Reader,No matter our age, backgrounds, gender (or non-gender), we are each the author of our own Personal Myth— a rich, ever-expanding tapestry of experiences, desires, dreams, and imagination. Our Personal Myths render glimpses into our internal landscapes, giving meaning to our struggles and insight to our Purpose. Unlike other mythology we find in the world, our Personal Myths are not set in stone, nor are they lessons on fate or morality; they are fluid, evolving discourses with our selves, our loved ones, society, and the universe. Picking up right where Riven left off, Secret Keeper is the next phase in Emily’s Personal Myth, exploring her physical, mental, and emotional journey as a young woman living with PTSD, recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA), and voicing the secret that has weighed on her soul for most of her life. While Riven focuses on the path out of self-harm to self-acceptance and self-mercy, Secret Keeper explores some of the many possible behavioral effects caused by CSA, including re-victimization and perpetuation of the abuse cycle. Emily grapples with both as she tries to understand and internalize concepts of self-worth and consent. Conveying these concepts through allegory was at the forefront of my mind as I wrote Secret Keeper, because they are so challenging. Like Emily, I have also grappled with addiction to attraction and connection as a result of being primed at an early age. My recovery is ongoing, but through therapy, strong support systems, and writing, I have the power to heal.Secret Keeper doesn't have a happy ending. Upon finishing, you may well wonder how Emily could ever be okay. But you also know her story isn’t over. This is not the ending; it’s a critical phase in a life-long process of healing and becoming. You know Emily is smart, loving, and determined. She will never give up on her Purpose. We all slip, stumble, or fall face down sometimes. Like Emily, we may even hurt the people we love the most. But we get through it, and if we try, we can turn these failures into opportunities to be better people. The most important thing any of us can do is to be kind to ourselves. Even when you feel like things couldn’t possibly get any worse, or when you think you’ve screwed up so badly there’s no hope, your story isn’t over. You have Purpose. You are wanted and you are needed. Like Emily, life is flawed and tough and at times seemingly impossible. But it is also resilient and achingly beautiful. So are you. So is your Myth. If you, or someone you know is struggling with PTSD or any of these issues, I urge you to seek help. Talk to someone. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) provides 24/7 free and confidential support for people in distress. RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) is the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization, which created and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline (800-656-HOPE), online @ rainn.org y rainn.org/es). If you have any questions or comments for me, tweet them to me at @JaneAlveyHarris. I’d love to hear from you! I’m excited to share Emily’s continuing journey with you in Primed.Xo,Jane
October 19, 2017
SELF-WORTH & SEXUAL IDENTITY, or Re-Writing Our Sexual Scripts (it doesn't have to be Us against Them).
The ramifications of sexual assault have been at the forefront of my mind for the past five years as I've engaged in writing the My Myth trilogy. The series follows the story of Emily, who at age seven, is the victim of repeated sexual assault. Unable to process her reality, she creates a magical world called the First Realm where her mind escapes while her body endures abuse. She buries her guilt and shame deep inside herself until, at the age of seventeen, her childhood abuser re-enters her life and the ugly memories rise unbidden to the surface. Book one, RIVEN, is the story of Emily's journey to self-acceptance and self-mercy.The End.Because we all know that when it comes to sexual trauma, all it takes is a little self-acceptance to erase the damage it’s done to our lives.Right?
If there’s anything I’ve noticed from the #MeToo phenomenon sweeping social media right now, it’s how many times women and men who courageously share their stories talk about how raw and overwhelming their pain still is, largely, I believe, because it is unprocessed. I’ve also seen countless victims ask: “Why have we waited so long to speak up?” “Why have we allowed this to happen?" "How and when did it get this bad?”Well, I have some ideas about that.I’m currently working through edits of SECRET KEEPER, the sequel to RIVEN, which opens as Emily grapples with whether or not to self-reveal about her assault. Her decision is extremely difficult for so many reasons. She's afraid that:It’s been too long since it happened. They'll think she just wants attention.It’s his word against hers.No one will believe her.They’ll think it was her fault.They’ll think she’s damaged and treat her differently. Despite her very real fears she speaks her truth, not for herself, but because she’s desperately afraid her younger siblings will fall victim to the same predator if she doesn’t.And then she and her brothers and sister live Happily Ever After. The End.Right?Unfortunately, Emily discovers exactly what many of you sharing your #MeToo stories have experienced first hand: too often, the people you trust to support you and/or intervene can’t—or won’t—help. SECRET KEEPER is the story of Emily's search for a Champion**...an individual with enough power and authority to end the destructive cycle of abuse and transform Emily from a victim to a survivor.So just how did we get to a place where almost every single woman you know in real life and read about in books has experienced some kind of sexual harassment or assault? Well, obviously, it's because all men are pigs. Right?
You Guys. I love being a woman and I love strong women. But guess what. I ALSO love men.This isn't an Us versus Them situation. It's not a gender issue. It's a SOCIETY issue. Let me illustrate with an anecdote.
Imagine you’re in line at a busy coffee shop. A man in a business suit who seems to be in a hurry has just received his drink. He’s on his cell phone while impatiently barking at the barista that he wanted almond milk in his latte, not soy. In his agitated state he happens to glance at the woman in front of you in line. He does a does a double-take, ignoring the apologies of the barista, and turns to look the woman in front of you up and down. She's standing enough to one side that you clearly see her blush and drop her gaze to floor. The man abruptly tells the person on the phone he needs to call them back. He walks over to the woman who’s about to pay for her order and brushes her hand away from the chip reader saying, “I got this.” She says, “No thanks, I’ll pay for it myself.” But he’s already inserted his card and the cashier is already asking if he’d like a receipt. The woman smiles her gratitude. With his hand behind her elbow, the man in the business suit steers her over to the counter where the drinks are delivered.And, SCENE.Thoughts? Well, OBVIOUSLY your interpretation and reaction would be based on whether you're a man or a woman, right?
Research shows that (aside from the actual woman in this scenario) your reaction is the same whether you're male or female. In general, Society rules this interaction as harmless. In fact, if you're a woman watching the scene, you might even experience a tinge of jealousy and think something along the lines of, "why doesn't that kind of thing ever happen to me?"Well, here's what was actually happening in my head:I'm uncomfortable and embarrassed.He's cute, but I just want to get my chai and go.Does he expect something or is he just being nice? Don't overreact.Don't be rude. Just say thanks and get out of here.Here’s what was happening in his head:She blushed and looked away. That means she’s definitely interested.She said, "No, thank you," but she was just being polite. Who doesn’t like free coffee?Women appreciate being singled out. It’s a compliment.How do I know what he was thinking? Because I married a man in a business suit, and he told me. He also told me on many occasions what he would do in different situations where someone was giving him unwanted attention...from homeless people asking for money to women at bars to sales people at stores. He didn't just tell me what he would do, he demonstrated.According to him, this is how you say no (non-escalated version):Face the person fully, look them right in the eyeIf there's any distance between you, assert your dominance by walking toward them.With your hand raised say, “NO,” loudlyEverybody got that? Fast forward to six months after we were married. It’s February 2011. Superbowl XLV is in
Dallas and my husband and I are in town looking for a home. We're staying with a couple who are friends of his who I’ve just met. We have prime seats at the game and tickets to a posh party the night before. When we arrive at the party, my new girlfriend and I are standing in line to get in while our husbands are off getting our wristbands. Some young men approach. One of them tells me I look cold and offers me his jacket. I say, "Thank you, but no, I’m not cold." He insists...I must be cold, my arms are bare. Again, I tell him I’m not cold and that in fact my husband will be back any moment. The young man then takes off his jacket and moves to put it around my shoulders. My new friend rolls her eyes and says, “Just wear it, it’s not a big deal.” That’s when my husband returns, and it's obvious that it's a big deal to him. Words are exchanged. There's a scene. Ultimately the young man and his friends apologize (to my husband) and leave.Can you guess what happens next?What happens next is that the man I was married to physically, verbally, and sexually assaults me that night in the walk-in closet of the room we are staying in as guests at the home of people I've just met because I had the gall to disrespect him by flirting with another man.
Yikes. That got dark quick.You see, in his mind, because I was polite, because I didn’t hold up my hand and say, “NO,” loudly, it meant I was interested and flirting.Here's a photo of me literally clinging to the person who had abused me the night before. Don't we look happy?I wasn't. I was miserable and terrified and depressed. But sadly--because it wasn't the first time I'd heard accusations like that--I believed him when he said it was my fault. Because, though it was the first time this particular man assaulted me, I'd been assaulted many times before. He wasn't the first or last person to suggest that the unwanted sexual attention I receive on a fairly regular basis is my fault.In Gagnon and Simon's 1973 book Sexual Conduct, we learn that as a society, men and women have been conditioned to follow Sexual Scripts in which men are expected to ask for sex and a women are expected to initially deny them, and then eventually give in.
Guys. This is HUGE.Why? Because we need to understand where we're coming from so we can make sure not to go back there ever again.In the not too distant past, men derived their self-worth from being breadwinners. Their identities were largely entangled with their ability to provide for their families. The messages society gives young men are: Try Harder. Be persistent. Don’t take no for an answer. Be aggressive (be, be Aggressive). You're worth is based on winning.Women’s identities were all about being attractive to men. Our self-worth was enmeshed with our ability to catch a good husband, birth and rear children, and run a well-appointed household. The messages society gives young women are: Men like feminine women. Be Dainty. Be Polite. Don't Be Aggressive. Your Worth is based on your desirability.Women have basically been programmedby society to string men along for a time so they won't think we're skanks for giving in too soon, and then surrender helplessly to their masculine prowess. Men have been programmed to doggedly pursue our (chaste but seductive) womanhood--like velociraptors testing the fence for weaknesses--until we give in. To the victor go the spoils.Enough is ENOUGH
These messages and sexual scripts no longer serve half the population. It's time to change the way we think, the way we react, the way we treat people. It's time to change the way we treat ourselves.Listen to me. Regardless of gender, sexual-orientation, race, religion, or age, every person is important and worthy of respect. Self-worth is INNATE. It is INARGUABLE. It is INTRINSIC. It is NOT based on gender or adherence to archaic sexual scripts.If you've read my Ask. Listen. Respect. blog post, you know that I've struggled for a long time with confidence and shame when it comes to men. TBH, it used to freak me out when a man breathed in my direction. To me, patriarchal society was a frightening place, a perception which was constantly reinforced by my unpleasant interactions with men. Incidents that others might brush off as a joke absolutely paralyzed me. Like the time a stranger at a stoplight rolled down his window, told me I was hot, and asked where I was going. In a deer-in-headlights kind of trance I said I was going home. He asked if anyone was waiting for me there and I answered "no" honestly, maybe because I was flustered, maybe because I was overwhelmed by the fact that I'd just moved to Dallas and my new husband lived in Virginia and I literally knew not one single soul besides my kids. The man grinned and said. "I'm gonna follow you, Baby. We'll have some fun." Maybe it was his idea of a joke, but I wasn't laughing. Somehow, simply by driving in my car, I'd signaled to that man that I wanted him to harass me. I drove around aimlessly for about an hour, terrified to go home, and got myself hopelessly lost. At that time in my life I was basically afraid of my own shadow.Thanks to an amazing counselor, therapy, supportive friends, and my writing and research, I've made TONS of progress. I don't take incidents like that personally anymore. Men don't scare me. Did you hear that, Men? You aren't scary! And most of you aren't pigs! These days, it doesn't freak me out when men ask me out or offer to buy my mocha for me, as long as they listen to and respect my answer. I'm even okay in professional settings when men offer favors in exchange for intimacy because I know I'll be just fine without their favors. These days, I trust my ability to take care of myself. Not because I'm a black belt in taekwondo (I'm not) or even because I can SCREAM REALLY LOUD (I can). My self-trust and confidence comes from knowing that even though I can't control what other people do to me, I'll be okay no matter what they do. It's because I know that when unpleasant things happen, I didn't ask for or invite that behavior, and that it doesn't define me. I'm able to react less emotionally when I'm harassed or receive unwanted attention because I know truthfully it has nothing to do with me at all. There's so much freedom in letting go of the things you can't control. There's so much power in relinquishing responsibility and guilt and shame for things you didn't ask for, things you didn't invite. There's so much AWESOME in deciding that you aren't going to let your life be dictated by out-dated sexual scripts that you didn't agree to in the first place. These days I'm not shy. I'll still start with polite, but I won't panic about hurting your feelings if the answer is No. And if I want to be with you, you won't need to guess. I'll straight up let you know. My eldest son (who helped me edit this post) is a research assistant for the Department of Psychology at SMU. Sadly, he reports that research indicates teaching men not to rape or assault isn't effective. The good news is that he and his colleagues are working to develop a training program called "My Voice, My Choice," which teaches assertive resistance to teens, and shows very promising results. The program "...emphasizes that victims do not invite sexual violence and that they have the right to stand up for themselves because violent or coercive behavior is never okay." (Click here to read the full article).
I'm going to say it again because it's important:To the legion women and men who have suffered the trauma of sexual harassment or assault, it wasn't because of anything you did or didn't do. It wasn't because of what you were wearing or who you were with or because you made eye-contact. It wasn't because you blushed or because you were were alone or because you didn't have a rape whistle. It wasn't because you didn't hold up your hand and say, "NO" really loud. Pure and simple, IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.My platform as a writer (and as a Human) is to normalize victims, banish guilt and shame, and spread the message that survivors of sexual trauma can do more than just survive, we can THRIVE. We can practice advocating for ourselves. We can find and use our voices. We can be our own Champions!**
Check out this kick ass still from the SECRET KEEPER book trailer by Film 14, coming soon!I have hope that women and men will work together to re-write our sexual scripts and engage in new dialogues to shape a society in which we can all feel safe and comfortable. A society in which we can all thrive and live Happily Ever After.The End.
If there’s anything I’ve noticed from the #MeToo phenomenon sweeping social media right now, it’s how many times women and men who courageously share their stories talk about how raw and overwhelming their pain still is, largely, I believe, because it is unprocessed. I’ve also seen countless victims ask: “Why have we waited so long to speak up?” “Why have we allowed this to happen?" "How and when did it get this bad?”Well, I have some ideas about that.I’m currently working through edits of SECRET KEEPER, the sequel to RIVEN, which opens as Emily grapples with whether or not to self-reveal about her assault. Her decision is extremely difficult for so many reasons. She's afraid that:It’s been too long since it happened. They'll think she just wants attention.It’s his word against hers.No one will believe her.They’ll think it was her fault.They’ll think she’s damaged and treat her differently. Despite her very real fears she speaks her truth, not for herself, but because she’s desperately afraid her younger siblings will fall victim to the same predator if she doesn’t.And then she and her brothers and sister live Happily Ever After. The End.Right?Unfortunately, Emily discovers exactly what many of you sharing your #MeToo stories have experienced first hand: too often, the people you trust to support you and/or intervene can’t—or won’t—help. SECRET KEEPER is the story of Emily's search for a Champion**...an individual with enough power and authority to end the destructive cycle of abuse and transform Emily from a victim to a survivor.So just how did we get to a place where almost every single woman you know in real life and read about in books has experienced some kind of sexual harassment or assault? Well, obviously, it's because all men are pigs. Right?You Guys. I love being a woman and I love strong women. But guess what. I ALSO love men.This isn't an Us versus Them situation. It's not a gender issue. It's a SOCIETY issue. Let me illustrate with an anecdote.Imagine you’re in line at a busy coffee shop. A man in a business suit who seems to be in a hurry has just received his drink. He’s on his cell phone while impatiently barking at the barista that he wanted almond milk in his latte, not soy. In his agitated state he happens to glance at the woman in front of you in line. He does a does a double-take, ignoring the apologies of the barista, and turns to look the woman in front of you up and down. She's standing enough to one side that you clearly see her blush and drop her gaze to floor. The man abruptly tells the person on the phone he needs to call them back. He walks over to the woman who’s about to pay for her order and brushes her hand away from the chip reader saying, “I got this.” She says, “No thanks, I’ll pay for it myself.” But he’s already inserted his card and the cashier is already asking if he’d like a receipt. The woman smiles her gratitude. With his hand behind her elbow, the man in the business suit steers her over to the counter where the drinks are delivered.And, SCENE.Thoughts? Well, OBVIOUSLY your interpretation and reaction would be based on whether you're a man or a woman, right?Research shows that (aside from the actual woman in this scenario) your reaction is the same whether you're male or female. In general, Society rules this interaction as harmless. In fact, if you're a woman watching the scene, you might even experience a tinge of jealousy and think something along the lines of, "why doesn't that kind of thing ever happen to me?"Well, here's what was actually happening in my head:I'm uncomfortable and embarrassed.He's cute, but I just want to get my chai and go.Does he expect something or is he just being nice? Don't overreact.Don't be rude. Just say thanks and get out of here.Here’s what was happening in his head:She blushed and looked away. That means she’s definitely interested.She said, "No, thank you," but she was just being polite. Who doesn’t like free coffee?Women appreciate being singled out. It’s a compliment.How do I know what he was thinking? Because I married a man in a business suit, and he told me. He also told me on many occasions what he would do in different situations where someone was giving him unwanted attention...from homeless people asking for money to women at bars to sales people at stores. He didn't just tell me what he would do, he demonstrated.According to him, this is how you say no (non-escalated version):Face the person fully, look them right in the eyeIf there's any distance between you, assert your dominance by walking toward them.With your hand raised say, “NO,” loudlyEverybody got that? Fast forward to six months after we were married. It’s February 2011. Superbowl XLV is inDallas and my husband and I are in town looking for a home. We're staying with a couple who are friends of his who I’ve just met. We have prime seats at the game and tickets to a posh party the night before. When we arrive at the party, my new girlfriend and I are standing in line to get in while our husbands are off getting our wristbands. Some young men approach. One of them tells me I look cold and offers me his jacket. I say, "Thank you, but no, I’m not cold." He insists...I must be cold, my arms are bare. Again, I tell him I’m not cold and that in fact my husband will be back any moment. The young man then takes off his jacket and moves to put it around my shoulders. My new friend rolls her eyes and says, “Just wear it, it’s not a big deal.” That’s when my husband returns, and it's obvious that it's a big deal to him. Words are exchanged. There's a scene. Ultimately the young man and his friends apologize (to my husband) and leave.Can you guess what happens next?What happens next is that the man I was married to physically, verbally, and sexually assaults me that night in the walk-in closet of the room we are staying in as guests at the home of people I've just met because I had the gall to disrespect him by flirting with another man.Yikes. That got dark quick.You see, in his mind, because I was polite, because I didn’t hold up my hand and say, “NO,” loudly, it meant I was interested and flirting.Here's a photo of me literally clinging to the person who had abused me the night before. Don't we look happy?I wasn't. I was miserable and terrified and depressed. But sadly--because it wasn't the first time I'd heard accusations like that--I believed him when he said it was my fault. Because, though it was the first time this particular man assaulted me, I'd been assaulted many times before. He wasn't the first or last person to suggest that the unwanted sexual attention I receive on a fairly regular basis is my fault.In Gagnon and Simon's 1973 book Sexual Conduct, we learn that as a society, men and women have been conditioned to follow Sexual Scripts in which men are expected to ask for sex and a women are expected to initially deny them, and then eventually give in.Guys. This is HUGE.Why? Because we need to understand where we're coming from so we can make sure not to go back there ever again.In the not too distant past, men derived their self-worth from being breadwinners. Their identities were largely entangled with their ability to provide for their families. The messages society gives young men are: Try Harder. Be persistent. Don’t take no for an answer. Be aggressive (be, be Aggressive). You're worth is based on winning.Women’s identities were all about being attractive to men. Our self-worth was enmeshed with our ability to catch a good husband, birth and rear children, and run a well-appointed household. The messages society gives young women are: Men like feminine women. Be Dainty. Be Polite. Don't Be Aggressive. Your Worth is based on your desirability.Women have basically been programmedby society to string men along for a time so they won't think we're skanks for giving in too soon, and then surrender helplessly to their masculine prowess. Men have been programmed to doggedly pursue our (chaste but seductive) womanhood--like velociraptors testing the fence for weaknesses--until we give in. To the victor go the spoils.Enough is ENOUGHThese messages and sexual scripts no longer serve half the population. It's time to change the way we think, the way we react, the way we treat people. It's time to change the way we treat ourselves.Listen to me. Regardless of gender, sexual-orientation, race, religion, or age, every person is important and worthy of respect. Self-worth is INNATE. It is INARGUABLE. It is INTRINSIC. It is NOT based on gender or adherence to archaic sexual scripts.If you've read my Ask. Listen. Respect. blog post, you know that I've struggled for a long time with confidence and shame when it comes to men. TBH, it used to freak me out when a man breathed in my direction. To me, patriarchal society was a frightening place, a perception which was constantly reinforced by my unpleasant interactions with men. Incidents that others might brush off as a joke absolutely paralyzed me. Like the time a stranger at a stoplight rolled down his window, told me I was hot, and asked where I was going. In a deer-in-headlights kind of trance I said I was going home. He asked if anyone was waiting for me there and I answered "no" honestly, maybe because I was flustered, maybe because I was overwhelmed by the fact that I'd just moved to Dallas and my new husband lived in Virginia and I literally knew not one single soul besides my kids. The man grinned and said. "I'm gonna follow you, Baby. We'll have some fun." Maybe it was his idea of a joke, but I wasn't laughing. Somehow, simply by driving in my car, I'd signaled to that man that I wanted him to harass me. I drove around aimlessly for about an hour, terrified to go home, and got myself hopelessly lost. At that time in my life I was basically afraid of my own shadow.Thanks to an amazing counselor, therapy, supportive friends, and my writing and research, I've made TONS of progress. I don't take incidents like that personally anymore. Men don't scare me. Did you hear that, Men? You aren't scary! And most of you aren't pigs! These days, it doesn't freak me out when men ask me out or offer to buy my mocha for me, as long as they listen to and respect my answer. I'm even okay in professional settings when men offer favors in exchange for intimacy because I know I'll be just fine without their favors. These days, I trust my ability to take care of myself. Not because I'm a black belt in taekwondo (I'm not) or even because I can SCREAM REALLY LOUD (I can). My self-trust and confidence comes from knowing that even though I can't control what other people do to me, I'll be okay no matter what they do. It's because I know that when unpleasant things happen, I didn't ask for or invite that behavior, and that it doesn't define me. I'm able to react less emotionally when I'm harassed or receive unwanted attention because I know truthfully it has nothing to do with me at all. There's so much freedom in letting go of the things you can't control. There's so much power in relinquishing responsibility and guilt and shame for things you didn't ask for, things you didn't invite. There's so much AWESOME in deciding that you aren't going to let your life be dictated by out-dated sexual scripts that you didn't agree to in the first place. These days I'm not shy. I'll still start with polite, but I won't panic about hurting your feelings if the answer is No. And if I want to be with you, you won't need to guess. I'll straight up let you know. My eldest son (who helped me edit this post) is a research assistant for the Department of Psychology at SMU. Sadly, he reports that research indicates teaching men not to rape or assault isn't effective. The good news is that he and his colleagues are working to develop a training program called "My Voice, My Choice," which teaches assertive resistance to teens, and shows very promising results. The program "...emphasizes that victims do not invite sexual violence and that they have the right to stand up for themselves because violent or coercive behavior is never okay." (Click here to read the full article).I'm going to say it again because it's important:To the legion women and men who have suffered the trauma of sexual harassment or assault, it wasn't because of anything you did or didn't do. It wasn't because of what you were wearing or who you were with or because you made eye-contact. It wasn't because you blushed or because you were were alone or because you didn't have a rape whistle. It wasn't because you didn't hold up your hand and say, "NO" really loud. Pure and simple, IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.My platform as a writer (and as a Human) is to normalize victims, banish guilt and shame, and spread the message that survivors of sexual trauma can do more than just survive, we can THRIVE. We can practice advocating for ourselves. We can find and use our voices. We can be our own Champions!** Check out this kick ass still from the SECRET KEEPER book trailer by Film 14, coming soon!I have hope that women and men will work together to re-write our sexual scripts and engage in new dialogues to shape a society in which we can all feel safe and comfortable. A society in which we can all thrive and live Happily Ever After.The End.
September 1, 2016
MY SUMMER VACATION, or Three Shocking Announcements (global warming, abortion, and border patrol).
Do you have a festival...ANY festival? Film? Art? Book? Eating? Sleeping? Poetry? Cat?You do?SEND ME.
PUH-LEASSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!GUYS. I’ve had an EPIPHANY.(Sorry not sorry for yelling so much, I wish I could typeLOUDER!!)SHOCKING ANNOUNCEMENT NUMBER ONE:I have recently accepted an illustrious new self-appointed position as...THE ULTIMATE PATRON OF LIFE!!!
Shocking, right??See, I've always been a process- rather than goal-oriented girl trapped in a painfully shy person's body--(I know, I know. It isn't cool to say "painfully shy" these days, but I was hella shy and it was oftentimes painful).--but for the past few years I’ve consciously worked on coming out of my shell and embracing the concept of collecting experiences. And I learned that, for me, anyway, it's absolutely the way to go.At least, itused to bethe way to go.Recently I realized it just wasn't enough, which is why I applied for (and appointed myself to) my new position...because I don't just want my life to be about collecting experiences anymore. I want my life to be about pooping rainbows. I want to learn. I want to grow. I want toSHARE.
Blah blah, I KNOW. The world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, and I’m DEFINITELY not all daisies and butterflies. In fact, sometimes (like society), I'm a soggy mess who smells like wet dog. (Ewww).But here's something I like about myself: I consistently look forGOOD. I don’t always find it, true, but even when I find things Idon'tlike, I remember it's an opportunity for me to say to the Universe, “Thank you for reminding me what I DON’T want. Thank you for showing me what I’m NOT willing to live with. Thank you for highlighting the thingsI want to change.”When I started in my new position asTHE ULTIMATE PATRON OF LIFE!!!I had three tasks:1. AddGOALSto myPROCESS: SHARE MORE2.WATCHandLEARNfrom thePROS: I'm looking at You Anjane Johnson McGrath, and You TW Barton! (why is sharing so hard? I don't know...but these two make it look EASY).3. Approach the world and society with anOPEN MINDand anOPEN HEART.Shocking Announcement Number Two:Peeps. Homies. There are people in this worldright nowwho already have their minds firmly made up aboutEVERYTHING.Shocking Announcement Number Three:I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE.Are you?
I'm not saying one way is better than the other. I AM saying I haven't always been this way and I'm a lot happier living life flexibly, authentically, and openly. I don't always change my mind when presented with new ideas, but many times I do. I mean, is having all the answers RIGHT NOW really the goal? Not for me. As my father has always said, "A wise man changes his mind, a fool never will."When you guys share your voices, opinions and ideas with me, I discover new things. My horizon stretches and my life is richer for it. I love the way learning and growing in REAL TIME feels. Which is one of the biggest reasons my goal is to become a Sharer, too.From now on, when I experience things that make me think, things that impact me, things that reflect a perspective different from my own,as well asthings that make me want to dance and laugh and play, I’m going to use my unique voice andSHARE THEM.
This is totes me now! (Except, I do it in person, too).Deep breath! Here I go...
This past July my bestest friend invited me to visit her in Marfa, Texas, for what would be a life-changing trip.Have you been to Marfa? You haven't??OMG YOU GUYS!!!GO! Go RIGHT NOW!!! Stay here, atThe Coach's House... I'll wait until you get back...Welcome back!!! Amazeballs, right?? In the ten days I was there I saw an outdoor community production of Spam-a-lot, went bathing in the Balmorhea natural springs watering hole, attended a poetry reading, a gallery opening, countless museum tours, a community barbecue, several street parties, and most of all:The Marfa Film Festival.
This year the Marfa Film Festival boasted 70 award winning feature length films, documentaries, and shorts...The following are my Highlight Reviews from the first of what I know will be MANY spectacular festivals. I wish I could talk about every film I saw.(Next time you see me in person, ask me about Oscar Isaac in LIGHTNING FACE, and Alia Shawkat in PRESTIGE INGREDIENTS).DRUMROLL, PLEASE!!!
1.TRANSPECOS.The festival started with such a BANG. Oh My GOSH you guys!! Mark your calendars for September 9th when TRANSPECOS comes out in theaters and on iTunes.From IMDB:"For three Border patrol agents working a remote desert checkpoint, the contents of one car will reveal an insidious plot within their own ranks. The next 24 hours will take them on a treacherous journey that could cost them their lives."From Me:Holy. CRAP. I watched the entire movie gripping the edge of my seat, riveted. The acting, editing, and story telling were all spot-on in this gritty, intense thriller. And then, getting to hear from the directors, producers and actors was frosting on the most delicious cupcake EVER. I can't wait to see it again and share it with my kids! (Look! It's us with Gabriel Luna, the gracious, talented star Of TRANSPECOS!!! #fangirl)
2.JACKSON.Editorial Summary:"Since the passing of Roe v. Wade over four decades ago, the self-labeled "pro-life" movement has won significant legal, cultural and political battles. Now, the stigma of abortion is prolific in the American South and women in poverty and women of color are particularly vulnerable. What does life look like in a place where the anti-abortion movement has made access to legal abortion nearly impossible?"From me:This wasn't what I expected,at all,which was an in-your-face documentary with an overtly liberal agenda. Instead, it was an intimate day-by-day life-look at women living in Jackson, Mississipi, whose lives and families are affected by the religious and political movement to close the last remaining abortion clinic in the state.Listen. I'm not here to give an opinion about abortion. (Not because I don't have one). I know it's a heated topic loaded with controversy. I am here to say this: I learned a lot from watching this remarkably excellent film.
3. AFTER SPRINGis a beautiful and heartbreaking film focused on the Syrian refugee crisis. It compels me to action.From IMDB: "With the Syrian conflict entering its sixth year, millions of people continue to be displaced. This is the story of what happens next. By following two refugee families in transition and aid workers fighting to keep the camp running, viewers will experience what it is like to live in Zaatari, the largest camp for Syrian refugees. With no end in sight for the conflict or this refugee crisis, everyone must decide if they can rebuild their lives in a place that was never meant to be permanent."From Me:This should be mandatory watching for EVERYONE. I by myself and you by yourself can't alleviate all the suffering of the refugees, but we sure as hell can make a difference. So many of you already give in so many ways, and you inspire me. Google refugee relief opportunities in your area, or check outRescue.orgto learn more about international relief efforts.
4.HOW TO LET GO OF THE WORLD And Love All the Things Climate Can't Change.This last one is hard, folks. I'm not going to lie. There's a heavy, permanent, unmitigated mass of wretched slime-covered primordial despair in the pit of my stomach after watching this film.Should you watch it? YES. And I'll tell you why. Even if, as the film asserts, we are past the point of no return, we can and should educate ourselves. And then we should work as hard and as relentlessly as we can collectively to reverse and repair the damage we we have done to our environment. This isn't the time to bury our heads in the sand and hope someone else will take care of the problem for us.So, yeah. I didn't love the narration style, and I know some people don't believe that global warming is a real thing. But if your mind is even theteensiestbit open, please watch and share. And then let's look at our own carbon footprints. Let's switch to solar energy. Carpool. Take shorter showers. We can all do SOMETHING. ClickHEREto read a list of 50 simple things we can do as individuals to slow down global warming.From IMDB:Documentarian Josh Fox travels the globe to meet with global climate change "warriors" who are committed to reversing the tide of global warming. Funny and tragic, inspiring and enlightening, the film examines the intricately woven forces that threaten the stability of the planet and lives of its inhabitants."And, SCENE.*Bows*Thus ends my first (but not last) gig as anULTIMATE PATRON OF LIFE!!!HUZZAH!!!Do you wanna be one, too? YAY!!! Let's be one TOGETHER!!But, can we promise we'll never be trolls? Not when we comment and share on-lineorin person. Because spewing negativity only makes us look miserable and pushes people away.I'll be honest. I never in a million years anticipated that my bread-and-butter (or naan-and-avocado (with freshly diced tomatoes on top (and yummy hummus to dip it in))) would rely so heavily on reviews, and before publishing RIVEN, I had never been trolled. I'd heard horror stories from other authors, and I tried to mentally prepare myself for the inevitability of it happening to me. But I don't think you're ever prepared for random personal attacks from strangers. It sucks donkey balls.Does that mean we have to keep our mouths shut and only share about things we like? Absolutely NOT. All opinions and perspectives have value, as long as they're delivered with courtesy and RESPECT.*
I'm not just saying that, either. I am SO appreciative of people who take time to write reviews. I wish more people would, which is the second biggest reason I'm making an effort tobe a more vocal sharing person, even though it's a little outside my comfort zone. Because #Karma.(If you're curious, click here to check out myGoodreadspage to see examples of respectful reviews from people who clearly did NOT care for my book).Sharing with courtesy and respect applies to EVERYTHINGfrom book and movie reviews to politics and social issues.
K. Now it's YOUR TURN! I'd love it if you would comment and share about something from YOUR summer vacation that inspired or impacted YOU. A favorite book or movie, a place you traveled...something that made you go hmmmm...something that made you think or changed your perspective.I can't wait to continue learning from you!As my Clairesy would say, I LOVE ALL YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACES!!!xo,Jane**Are you guys really still reading? HUZZAH! K, here's an example of how I learned about communicating with courtesy and respect firsthand with my son, Aidan, recently. Aidan is BRILLIANT. Very into physics and quantum mechanics and astronomy and SCIENCE. He reads extensively and knows SO MUCH. We used to have way too many conversations that looked like this:Aidan:"Did you know that in quantum entanglement, if the total spin of two particles is known to be zero and one particle is found to be spinning clockwise, the other particle will automatically flip to spin counterclockwise no matter what?"Me In My Brain:Really? Could that be true? No matter what? Aren't there always exceptions to the rule? Hmmm...that's actually kind of cool. I'm not sure I completely understand. I should ask more questions. Aidan is so smart!Me From My Mouth:"Bullcrap."(For reals I probably said "BULLSHIT" but I want to keep this blog clean for the youngsters. You're welcome)."No one can see subatomic particles so no one could ever measure something like that. Who comes up with this crap, anyway???"And then Aidan would get all upset and say something condescending because he thought I was calling him a liar and I would get my feelings hurt because I thought he was talking down to me because he thinks I'm stupid. (I know this NOW because I asked him if he really thinks I'm stupid and he said no, do I really think he's a liar? (No)).Guys. No Excuses. IT WAS ALL MY FAULT. How could there be such a huge disconnect between my Brain Me and my Mouth Me?? I sincerely have NO IDEA. But now that I'm aware of it, I'm super careful to make sure I listen to myself in my head before I let the words out of my mouth...to make sure they match up. I'm happy to report I'm getting much better at it!Aidan: "In quantum entanglement, entangled particle pairs can COMMUNICATE."Me From My Brain And My Mouth:"Really? That's fascinating! Where do you learn all this stuff? I actually love this because everything is energy and ideas have power and Intention is just like Magic...I mean quantum mechanics..." blah blah blah. Poor Aidan. He can never win. Lolololololol.
PUH-LEASSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!GUYS. I’ve had an EPIPHANY.(Sorry not sorry for yelling so much, I wish I could typeLOUDER!!)SHOCKING ANNOUNCEMENT NUMBER ONE:I have recently accepted an illustrious new self-appointed position as...THE ULTIMATE PATRON OF LIFE!!!Shocking, right??See, I've always been a process- rather than goal-oriented girl trapped in a painfully shy person's body--(I know, I know. It isn't cool to say "painfully shy" these days, but I was hella shy and it was oftentimes painful).--but for the past few years I’ve consciously worked on coming out of my shell and embracing the concept of collecting experiences. And I learned that, for me, anyway, it's absolutely the way to go.At least, itused to bethe way to go.Recently I realized it just wasn't enough, which is why I applied for (and appointed myself to) my new position...because I don't just want my life to be about collecting experiences anymore. I want my life to be about pooping rainbows. I want to learn. I want to grow. I want toSHARE.Blah blah, I KNOW. The world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, and I’m DEFINITELY not all daisies and butterflies. In fact, sometimes (like society), I'm a soggy mess who smells like wet dog. (Ewww).But here's something I like about myself: I consistently look forGOOD. I don’t always find it, true, but even when I find things Idon'tlike, I remember it's an opportunity for me to say to the Universe, “Thank you for reminding me what I DON’T want. Thank you for showing me what I’m NOT willing to live with. Thank you for highlighting the thingsI want to change.”When I started in my new position asTHE ULTIMATE PATRON OF LIFE!!!I had three tasks:1. AddGOALSto myPROCESS: SHARE MORE2.WATCHandLEARNfrom thePROS: I'm looking at You Anjane Johnson McGrath, and You TW Barton! (why is sharing so hard? I don't know...but these two make it look EASY).3. Approach the world and society with anOPEN MINDand anOPEN HEART.Shocking Announcement Number Two:Peeps. Homies. There are people in this worldright nowwho already have their minds firmly made up aboutEVERYTHING.Shocking Announcement Number Three:I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE.Are you?I'm not saying one way is better than the other. I AM saying I haven't always been this way and I'm a lot happier living life flexibly, authentically, and openly. I don't always change my mind when presented with new ideas, but many times I do. I mean, is having all the answers RIGHT NOW really the goal? Not for me. As my father has always said, "A wise man changes his mind, a fool never will."When you guys share your voices, opinions and ideas with me, I discover new things. My horizon stretches and my life is richer for it. I love the way learning and growing in REAL TIME feels. Which is one of the biggest reasons my goal is to become a Sharer, too.From now on, when I experience things that make me think, things that impact me, things that reflect a perspective different from my own,as well asthings that make me want to dance and laugh and play, I’m going to use my unique voice andSHARE THEM.This is totes me now! (Except, I do it in person, too).Deep breath! Here I go...This past July my bestest friend invited me to visit her in Marfa, Texas, for what would be a life-changing trip.Have you been to Marfa? You haven't??OMG YOU GUYS!!!GO! Go RIGHT NOW!!! Stay here, atThe Coach's House... I'll wait until you get back...Welcome back!!! Amazeballs, right?? In the ten days I was there I saw an outdoor community production of Spam-a-lot, went bathing in the Balmorhea natural springs watering hole, attended a poetry reading, a gallery opening, countless museum tours, a community barbecue, several street parties, and most of all:The Marfa Film Festival.This year the Marfa Film Festival boasted 70 award winning feature length films, documentaries, and shorts...The following are my Highlight Reviews from the first of what I know will be MANY spectacular festivals. I wish I could talk about every film I saw.(Next time you see me in person, ask me about Oscar Isaac in LIGHTNING FACE, and Alia Shawkat in PRESTIGE INGREDIENTS).DRUMROLL, PLEASE!!!1.TRANSPECOS.The festival started with such a BANG. Oh My GOSH you guys!! Mark your calendars for September 9th when TRANSPECOS comes out in theaters and on iTunes.From IMDB:"For three Border patrol agents working a remote desert checkpoint, the contents of one car will reveal an insidious plot within their own ranks. The next 24 hours will take them on a treacherous journey that could cost them their lives."From Me:Holy. CRAP. I watched the entire movie gripping the edge of my seat, riveted. The acting, editing, and story telling were all spot-on in this gritty, intense thriller. And then, getting to hear from the directors, producers and actors was frosting on the most delicious cupcake EVER. I can't wait to see it again and share it with my kids! (Look! It's us with Gabriel Luna, the gracious, talented star Of TRANSPECOS!!! #fangirl)2.JACKSON.Editorial Summary:"Since the passing of Roe v. Wade over four decades ago, the self-labeled "pro-life" movement has won significant legal, cultural and political battles. Now, the stigma of abortion is prolific in the American South and women in poverty and women of color are particularly vulnerable. What does life look like in a place where the anti-abortion movement has made access to legal abortion nearly impossible?"From me:This wasn't what I expected,at all,which was an in-your-face documentary with an overtly liberal agenda. Instead, it was an intimate day-by-day life-look at women living in Jackson, Mississipi, whose lives and families are affected by the religious and political movement to close the last remaining abortion clinic in the state.Listen. I'm not here to give an opinion about abortion. (Not because I don't have one). I know it's a heated topic loaded with controversy. I am here to say this: I learned a lot from watching this remarkably excellent film.3. AFTER SPRINGis a beautiful and heartbreaking film focused on the Syrian refugee crisis. It compels me to action.From IMDB: "With the Syrian conflict entering its sixth year, millions of people continue to be displaced. This is the story of what happens next. By following two refugee families in transition and aid workers fighting to keep the camp running, viewers will experience what it is like to live in Zaatari, the largest camp for Syrian refugees. With no end in sight for the conflict or this refugee crisis, everyone must decide if they can rebuild their lives in a place that was never meant to be permanent."From Me:This should be mandatory watching for EVERYONE. I by myself and you by yourself can't alleviate all the suffering of the refugees, but we sure as hell can make a difference. So many of you already give in so many ways, and you inspire me. Google refugee relief opportunities in your area, or check outRescue.orgto learn more about international relief efforts.4.HOW TO LET GO OF THE WORLD And Love All the Things Climate Can't Change.This last one is hard, folks. I'm not going to lie. There's a heavy, permanent, unmitigated mass of wretched slime-covered primordial despair in the pit of my stomach after watching this film.Should you watch it? YES. And I'll tell you why. Even if, as the film asserts, we are past the point of no return, we can and should educate ourselves. And then we should work as hard and as relentlessly as we can collectively to reverse and repair the damage we we have done to our environment. This isn't the time to bury our heads in the sand and hope someone else will take care of the problem for us.So, yeah. I didn't love the narration style, and I know some people don't believe that global warming is a real thing. But if your mind is even theteensiestbit open, please watch and share. And then let's look at our own carbon footprints. Let's switch to solar energy. Carpool. Take shorter showers. We can all do SOMETHING. ClickHEREto read a list of 50 simple things we can do as individuals to slow down global warming.From IMDB:Documentarian Josh Fox travels the globe to meet with global climate change "warriors" who are committed to reversing the tide of global warming. Funny and tragic, inspiring and enlightening, the film examines the intricately woven forces that threaten the stability of the planet and lives of its inhabitants."And, SCENE.*Bows*Thus ends my first (but not last) gig as anULTIMATE PATRON OF LIFE!!!HUZZAH!!!Do you wanna be one, too? YAY!!! Let's be one TOGETHER!!But, can we promise we'll never be trolls? Not when we comment and share on-lineorin person. Because spewing negativity only makes us look miserable and pushes people away.I'll be honest. I never in a million years anticipated that my bread-and-butter (or naan-and-avocado (with freshly diced tomatoes on top (and yummy hummus to dip it in))) would rely so heavily on reviews, and before publishing RIVEN, I had never been trolled. I'd heard horror stories from other authors, and I tried to mentally prepare myself for the inevitability of it happening to me. But I don't think you're ever prepared for random personal attacks from strangers. It sucks donkey balls.Does that mean we have to keep our mouths shut and only share about things we like? Absolutely NOT. All opinions and perspectives have value, as long as they're delivered with courtesy and RESPECT.*I'm not just saying that, either. I am SO appreciative of people who take time to write reviews. I wish more people would, which is the second biggest reason I'm making an effort tobe a more vocal sharing person, even though it's a little outside my comfort zone. Because #Karma.(If you're curious, click here to check out myGoodreadspage to see examples of respectful reviews from people who clearly did NOT care for my book).Sharing with courtesy and respect applies to EVERYTHINGfrom book and movie reviews to politics and social issues.K. Now it's YOUR TURN! I'd love it if you would comment and share about something from YOUR summer vacation that inspired or impacted YOU. A favorite book or movie, a place you traveled...something that made you go hmmmm...something that made you think or changed your perspective.I can't wait to continue learning from you!As my Clairesy would say, I LOVE ALL YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACES!!!xo,Jane**Are you guys really still reading? HUZZAH! K, here's an example of how I learned about communicating with courtesy and respect firsthand with my son, Aidan, recently. Aidan is BRILLIANT. Very into physics and quantum mechanics and astronomy and SCIENCE. He reads extensively and knows SO MUCH. We used to have way too many conversations that looked like this:Aidan:"Did you know that in quantum entanglement, if the total spin of two particles is known to be zero and one particle is found to be spinning clockwise, the other particle will automatically flip to spin counterclockwise no matter what?"Me In My Brain:Really? Could that be true? No matter what? Aren't there always exceptions to the rule? Hmmm...that's actually kind of cool. I'm not sure I completely understand. I should ask more questions. Aidan is so smart!Me From My Mouth:"Bullcrap."(For reals I probably said "BULLSHIT" but I want to keep this blog clean for the youngsters. You're welcome)."No one can see subatomic particles so no one could ever measure something like that. Who comes up with this crap, anyway???"And then Aidan would get all upset and say something condescending because he thought I was calling him a liar and I would get my feelings hurt because I thought he was talking down to me because he thinks I'm stupid. (I know this NOW because I asked him if he really thinks I'm stupid and he said no, do I really think he's a liar? (No)).Guys. No Excuses. IT WAS ALL MY FAULT. How could there be such a huge disconnect between my Brain Me and my Mouth Me?? I sincerely have NO IDEA. But now that I'm aware of it, I'm super careful to make sure I listen to myself in my head before I let the words out of my mouth...to make sure they match up. I'm happy to report I'm getting much better at it!Aidan: "In quantum entanglement, entangled particle pairs can COMMUNICATE."Me From My Brain And My Mouth:"Really? That's fascinating! Where do you learn all this stuff? I actually love this because everything is energy and ideas have power and Intention is just like Magic...I mean quantum mechanics..." blah blah blah. Poor Aidan. He can never win. Lolololololol.
June 16, 2016
HUZZAH FOR INTELLIGENT MEN AND WOMEN! or, I Know the Coolest Peeps (I learn so much from you).
First, thank you to all who read my recent blog about rape culture and ideas for how to change it. If you missed it, click on Dreamy Ryan Gosling to get up to speed.Sexual assault isn't a comfortable or pleasant thing to read about. But you didn't just read my blog post did you, you brave and amazing people? Nope. You didn't. You engaged. You discussed. You liked, you shared. You overwhelmed me with an outpouring of support online, in private messages, in texts, and in phone calls, and I want
June 14, 2016
MY BODY MY RULES, Ask. Listen. RESPECT.
One day in early spring 24 years ago I was walking from my student housing to class on BYUcampus in Provo, Utah, when a boy (a man really, he was at least 21 because he’d served an LDS mission) came out of his house and asked if he could walk with me.I knew him. I’d dated his roommate briefly the year before. He’d always been pleasant, and we were going to the same place. How nice to have company.“I just have to grab my backpack,” he said. “Come inside for a second.”I didn’t think twice about
March 23, 2016
I KISSED A GIRL AND I LIKED IT, or Hooking Up With The Universe (Even Vegans cry).
Guys, the Universe is obviously a woman. If she had a mouth I'd totally make out with her because I'm pretty sure She's in love with me and I'm definitely in love with HER. WARNING: TMI & SHARING AHEAD! Trust me, the Universe DOESN'T love me because I'm perfect or because I do everything right and never make any messes. Far (far) FAR from it. In fact, the last few years have been a series of escalating messes as I struggled to find my footing in my second marriage...a relationship that sometimes
February 23, 2016
DAYDREAM BELIEVER, NOT A HOMECOMING QUEEN, or Breaking Free From My Cocoon At Last (Look what I made!!).
My nickname in high school was Prude. Prudential for formal occassions, The Rock among my friends. Let's be clear: I didn't have a lot of friends in high school. I was a homebody, and I liked it that way. My one best friend was a year younger than I and went to a different high school. The rest of my friends were mostly guys because I thought girls were catty and boys were chill. But I didn't LIKE THEM like them...HELL NO. If they started getting mushy or anything I completely lost my
