Jane Jago's Blog, page 29
February 14, 2025
Granny’s A-Z – O is for Operation Valentine’s Day
Things that make us go poop…
Granny and the ‘ladies’ darts team of The Dog and Trumpet alphabetically collate their collective contempt for the inhabitants of the twenty-first century.
O is for Operation Valentine’s Day and, yes, you need to treat this like a military mission if you don’t want to wind up in the reject pile!
St Valentine’s Day…
Ah, that bitchfest in the name of lerv. That commercialisation of affection. That show the world how perfect your relationship is. That Gw****...
February 13, 2025
100 Acre Wood Revisited – Gramma
Things are not quite how you might remember them in the 100 Acre Wood for Christopher Robin, Pooh Bear and their friends…
***** ***** *****
February 12, 2025
The Mystic’s Mog offers Down to Earth Romantic Advice
Down to earth advice straight from the mouth of the mystic’s moggy!
As the feline companion of a world-famous astrologer, one is in a unique position to offer help and solace to the hapless humanity who visit one’s human with their sad little problems.
Stops for a while to lick anal sphincter (or rear leg if we are being prudish).
Ah yes, where was I? Human problems, as solved by the wisdom of cat.
‘My husband doesn’t love me any more.’ This cri de coeur from Mona of Winchester elicited an outpo...
February 11, 2025
Drabblings – Poster Person
Telling an entire story in just one hundred words…
It hadn’t been in her life plan. She hadn’t intended to become the poster person, the voice, of a cause. It was just she’d been the one there. Right there, when something happened. And she’d been the one in the crowd who spoke up.
Of course, she hadn’t known it was being recorded. Until her friends started on about how she was going viral. And how brave she had been.
She hadn’t been brave, just there.
When they asked, she shrugged and said: “Som...
February 10, 2025
Nursery Rhymes for the Third Age – Monday’s Child
A selection of rhymes by Jane Jago, made age appropriate for those for whom their second childhood is just around the corner…
Monday’s ChildMonday’s child is rubbish at math
Tuesday’s child has a wobbly ass
Wednesday’s child wants to be artistic
Thursday’s kid’s a tad sadistic
Friday’s child is full of crap
And Saturday’s child just needs a slap
But the child that was born on a Sunday morn
Is the offspring of Satan right down to the horns.
You can find this, and other whimsical takes of life ...
February 9, 2025
Feline
Sir cat. Unblinking
Watches prey
The way you watch me
Every day
Without the pain
Of empathy
Behind the eyes
No care for me
My feline watcher
With jade gaze
Joy of my nights
Despair of days
February 8, 2025
Maybe – Part 6: Vampire
Sometimes we walk the edges of reality…
The sounds continued, slither and scrape and tapping claws, as the creature passed the bottom of the old roller coaster. Annis could feel the vibrations through her feet. On the bed, Jessica’s eyes were suddenly wide and her mouth opened into a silent gasp as she felt the presence of the Old One for the first time. Annis put a finger on her own lips and Jessica pressed her hand over her mouth, as if to stop a cry escaping, as the blood eater slowly pas...
February 7, 2025
Granny’s A-Z – N is for Nicknames
Things that make us go poop…
Granny and the ‘ladies’ darts team of The Dog and Trumpet alphabetically collate their collective contempt for the inhabitants of the twenty-first century.
N is for Nicknames or what Mad Maud of the darts team calls ‘euphoniums’.
Okay you horrible lot, listen up. Granny is about to impart knowledge.
If you are a married lady of a certain age, look across the room and consider your significant other. How does he appear?
Dashing, debonair and handsome
...February 6, 2025
100 Acre Wood Revisited –Arcs
Things are not quite how you might remember them in the 100 Acre Wood for Christopher Robin, Pooh Bear and their friends…
***** ***** *****
February 5, 2025
The Mystic’s Mog offers Down to Earth Marriage Advice
Down to earth advice straight from the mouth of the mystic’s moggy!
So today she (that’s Madame Pendulica to you or Dotty Doris to me) was doing this thing where she grabs a handful of polished stones (she calls them crystals) and throws them on a black cloth divided up into the houses of the zodiac and then proceeds to give her client a ‘reading’ based on which of the stones land where (“You have jasper in your first house and that is bringing optimism in your immediate future.”)Please note ...
