Rae Roy's Blog, page 43

Theatrical Tuesday – In Slow Motion

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I keep thinking about and forgetting a topic I want to talk about on Tuesday. I’ve been doing it for several weeks now and it’s so annoying! It feels as though the thoughts have been shoved behind a barrier in my mind that I can’t see, but only feel is there.

Having a cold has given me time to slow down and refocus some of my energy. I’ve found Facebook more annoying than usual and logged out for the day. I’m exploring other options for connecting with like-minded people whose goals align with my own. I started today out extremely frustrated and am ending it in the opposite state.

The first draft of my one act play has been written and was submitted yesterday. It’s an office-based melodrama that touches on a number of societal ills and uses office noises in a musical way. I’m pretty psyched about it! It’s not as long as my teacher wanted, but there will be a couple more times during the semester to add to it and make it better.

Sometimes it’s not about getting something written quickly. That’s hard for me to accept. I’m usually working at a fast pace. What this year has been teaching me is that our work needs to go through a lot of stages before it can be its best, so it’s not crucial to get it perfect on the first pass.

My TV series partner and I were supposed to be mock pitching for our show, but between my cold and her ultra packed week, I requested a move to next week. I’ve never been one for sharing my germs if I can help it.

I’ll be working on a movie set this weekend as part of wardrobe. I’m hoping to learn a lot and maybe they’ll have good tips for my sewing. It’s mostly outdoor work, so I’m really hoping I’m feeling better by then. I also hope I can stay warm, so I don’t get sicker.

Today, I’ve slowly added to my feature film script and got a load of laundry done. Every time I tried to do more, I had a sneeze fit or my nose would run.

And that’s how life’s river flows today.

R~

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Make-It Monday – Baby Steps

[image error]Right now, I feel as if most parts of my life are progressing ever so slowly.

Reno

My entranceway is basically complete. There’s a tiny bit of trim left under the door that I’ll do while working on the hallway.

The hallway is mostly done except the trim and doors. I need to remove the hardware and change or repair the thin drop sheet.

The living room hasn’t been started really. One wall has to be stripped, but I haven’t ever done that, so I need to watch some videos or something. There is stuff all over, so I’ve been gradually moving it around to make it possible to start painting parts. But I scratched the floor some when I moved a bookcase and I’m upset about it. I also need to take my TV off the wall for probably at least 18 hours, so it’ll have to be somewhere during that time.

I saw a cockroach after moving one of my bookshelves. They like clean places apparently and love bookshelves, so I had to get some “food” for them. Reasons to digitize everything…

School

School is going both fast and slow at once?

We’re marching quickly toward pitch week in Toronto and it feels like I never have enough time to do all the work I have to do yet some of it feels like just nuisance filler.

Philip Roth said, “The road to hell is paved with works-in-progress.”

I agree. I have probably upwards of 20 things I’m trying to do all at once and I hope not to have quite this much going on once school is done.

I keep thinking it’ll get a little calmer, but maybe that’s only because this week in particular is insane. At least the work of the presentation I have on Wednesday is done. I have stuff to do for Thursday, 10 more pages for the feature by Saturday, a movie shoot, plus episode breakdowns for the TV show. At least next Monday is an evening class and my play isn’t being performed until later because then I’d have extra things to go to.

I often find myself wondering if they’re trying to kill us?

I missed class today because of a cold that has taken up residence in my body. I’m just starting to feel a little better.

Work

I’ve spent the last couple of days applying to jobs to not only earn money for a summer trip, but to get working before May rolls around and I suddenly don’t have money for food.

It’s taken me most of the day to find enough concentration to write this much, so I’m going to stop here. It seems like a lot, but I wrote most of this yesterday…

The Oscar-nominated short Weeds is rather like how I feel right now, so close to my dreams and yet so far. It’s hard to find in its entirety, but it’s floating about the Internet.

And that’s how life’s river flows today.

R~

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Symphonic Saturday – Language

[image error]I haven’t been doing anywhere near as much as I’d like with music lately because my home is rather upside down while I paint.

I’m really frustrated right now though. I’ve been trying to learn to speak French for about 30 years now. Every course I take is the same thing. It always ignores how humans actually learn to speak their first language and they instead sit you at a desk and get you to write out and conjugate verbs.

This is a big problem for a few reasons.

I need at least a part time job and most in Ottawa require at least the ability to speak French. Or they’d really prefer it, which means if it’s you or someone who can who are competing for the same job, you’re S. O. L.

The thing is, people learn their first language mainly by hearing others speak it. There’s about 4 years plus the 9 months in the womb where they just listen, mimic, and finally start putting words together.

So what am I doing about this?

Well, I’m exploring a new way. I might sign up for FluentU once I’m passed the level where I can learn a bunch for free on YouTube by watching children’s programs. They have good articles about this and I’m glad I discovered them. It’s my dad’s 74th birthday and he’s French, so it’s a cool day to have found it.

Tonight, I’ve been watching sing-along shows to get some music in while language learning. Sure, it’s not Vivaldi or playing one of my instruments, but they’re pretty catchy and helping reduce my frustration while throwing some words at me in a combination I’m not used to.

I don’t know if it’s the federal or provincial government I should be annoyed with for going through several decades of French instruction without learning how to speak it. There is far too much focus on writing and grammar instead of speaking and I think the system needs to be overhauled. Once you can speak a language, learning to write it is far easier.

Yet another reason to home school someday…

And that’s how life’s river flows today.

R~

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Frisky Friday – First Times

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Whether it’s your first time having sex ever or your first time with a new person, it’s often not the best experience.

People get performance anxiety. We see that a lot in things like presentations at school or in martial arts gradings. I’ve seen people lose their place while presenting and become unable to find it again. I’ve seen people make a mistake during a grading and become so flustered they start over and skip a kata entirely to try to fix the time issue caused by starting over and have a complete meltdown.

This totally happens with sex too.

Maybe you go too early like Jim in American Pie. Maybe you just can’t figure out how the hell to get the bra off*.

I feel like people build sex out to be this massive thing like a quest for The Holy Grail when it’s really the most natural thing.

What I’ve found is that the first time is so filled with worrying about messing up that at least one of you doesn’t have fun. It takes time to get to know each other outside of the bedroom and inside it too.

It usually gets better each time you have it. This is because everyone likes different things and their bodies are different. An intact man’s foreskin may not retract normally, for example, and might need extra special care. A woman might need more lube** than average. Everyone has different erogenous zones and half the fun of sex is figuring out what excites the other person. Sometimes you both cum and other times you might not. Especially if one of you is distracted by whatever is going on in your life.

And it’s not like how it is in porn. 

All kinds of things happen with sex that can be totally weird. Vaginas make hilarious noises sometimes because of suction and wetness. People fart accidentally at awkward times. It’s often sweaty.

If you pay enough attention to your partner to notice if they’re having fun, rather than being so self-absorbed that their head could be banging on the wall without you noticing, you’ll probably both have fun. Just don’t ask your partner every two seconds if they’re enjoying themselves. That’s annoying.

Remember to be safe. There is a ton of information out there on using condoms properly.

Sex is supposed to be fun. Sometimes you can’t get in the right head space or you just don’t click sexually with someone. Maybe they like it fast and rough while you like it slow and tender. Maybe they want it multiple times a day and you like it once weekly. This is normal too and it may mean you’re just not right for each other if you can’t find a compromise. That sucks, but it’s better to figure that out before you’re married to each other.

I believe it’s important to be able to talk a bit about sex with a person before jumping into it with them. If the idea of telling someone how you like to be stroked is terrifying, then maybe you’re not ready for sex at all. If it’s because you don’t know, go touch yourself

Warrior Wednesday – Flow

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We practiced Oku Iai the other day. The seated Oku set.

I love both the seated and standing Oku sets because they are the most artistic and free flowing. There’s no constant stopping, just beautifully dangerous sword work.

Well, if you can do it right.

It takes a long time to get there. I know I’m not there yet.

So mine still looks pretty jerky because beginners are taught to pause in a lot of places.

I sit down differently than in this video because women can grab the left opening on our pants and do a curtsy-like motion instead. I really like that.

Indeed, I have other work to do too. My left quad is not as strong as it needs to be in order to sit properly in tatehiza and my right is not strong enough to let me get up quickly enough.

There is always something to continue to work on with this art.

I see many squats and lunges in my future.

And that’s how life’s river flows today.

R~

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Theatrical Tuesday – Begin at the Beginning

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As I begin to write my one act play, I’m deliberating where to start it. Do I start like a movie and give a bit of the ordinary world then have something happen that turns the place upside down? Do I have one character come in utterly disturbed and they are the catalyst?

I’m leaning with the latter because it means less set changes, but perhaps I could have them witness something from the “window” and then they all react differently to it. I like that idea too.

Deciding where to start can be hard as a writer because each decision closes doors. It’s important to realize it opens other ones. This forges a path somewhere. Ideally, you should know where you’re headed, but sometimes we don’t.

The important thing is to pick somewhere to start or you’ll never write anything. You can always change it later if it isn’t working.

Many things in life are like that.

Life itself even. I’m constantly evaluating where I am and where I’d like to be. It’s a habit I learned studying LEAN management. Continuous improvement. Often, it takes many small changes over several years, but I digress.

And, of course I need to think about set design. It’s an office, but I think I want it to be a modern, open one.

Ooo, I think I just figured out how to open my play and I think it’s pretty cool.

And that’s how life’s river flows today.

R~

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Make-It Monday – After the Holidays

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It’s the first day back to class after reading week. I got a reasonable amount of things done.

The break started with a trip to Montreal to spend time with friends and do martial arts. Much sake, conversation, and training was had.

I painted a good chunk of my entrance and hall. I intend to try to finish the front door later tonight. My place is a mess from moving things around to paint. Some won’t ever go back because I want my place to be nicer. Other things like my skates will go into a bin because I don’t need them regularly. I need to figure out what takes gum off a quad wheel before I can close it…

My mom had her 75th birthday the day after Family Day. They had a quiet meal at a favourite burger place. Sometimes the simple things are the best things.

I got a play review and book review done. I also started another assignment. It’s a fun one as I get to watch a movie I like and dissect it. It’s lengthy and needed to be started early. I didn’t do much else in the homework realm because I was pretty burned out before heading into the weekend and wanted to replenish my creative juices.

I put together a puzzle while in too much pain from painting. It’s the Great Wave of Kanagawa. People online say it is too hard. I did it in 4 days. Mind you, I didn’t get a lot else done in that time.

I also had a date that was filled with interesting conversation set to live music, which are two of my favourite things. We talked a lot about one of those topics you’re not supposed to talk about, but considering we met at a political function, it wasn’t unexpected. We also talked about dogs. I want one SO bad! I’d like to see him again

Fortifying Friday – Sad

[image error]I haven’t forgotten about Frisky Friday.

I just haven’t felt up to it for quite some time and my life has been very busy between work placement and traveling for martial arts.

The world is so reactive right now and it makes me sad.

People want to address problems by ignoring the root cause. Again. I don’t know how many times they need to see the same thing happen before they realize their emotions are clouding their judgment on what actually works.

What I’ve been saying for days now is the same as what the experts, who have been working to make things better since Columbine, have been saying.

And I’ve seen it in action.

There was a kid in my school that made a hit list. Many of the people I know were on it. So many have forgotten this incident for some reason. Or maybe they’re just ashamed for making him feel so bad he wanted to kill people. I wasn’t on the list because I wasn’t mean to him. It really wasn’t hard not to be.

What happened with it?

When the list was discovered, the boy was immediately removed from our school and sent away to get help. Eventually, he finished his education in a different city. Instead of ignoring the issue, corrective action was taken immediately and everyone was kept safe. The boy grew into a man and never killed anyone.

Today, he’s a relatively normal geeky guy.

This whole thing is killing me inside because I want everyone to have their rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness protected and so many want to take away rights to put things in place that have proven time and again not to solve the problems. How can you propose solutions that ignore so many of the facts?

Those of us that see beyond one element of this problem are treated as if we are heartless monsters for suggesting the tool is just a symptom. My heart hurts so much right now. I just want these people to stop falling through the cracks. I want everyone to live their lives fully and freely. I don’t want to hear about more children dying because some kid had mental health issues, no father, no friends, etc.

It’s not my country. I can’t do anything about policy. All I can do is help people see the broader picture. When you give up a right, you don’t get it back. Many gun laws are in place and the people hired to enforce them didn’t do their jobs.

I’m just a woman who has noticed the pattern repeat time and again, so I can understand you may think little of my opinion on this matter. But how about the opinion of an expert who does this for a living, Clint Fiore?

Sorry for being a downer tonight.

And that’s how life’s river flows today.

R~

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Warrior Wednesday – Reactivity

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The martial arts community that I’m part of is truly wonderful. I mean, there are a lot of us in the sword arts that have a different way of looking at the world. Perhaps it is because we practice a more spiritual art than one that is more focused on sport or hurting others. We know sharp swords can cause great harm and I think that makes us think more before we decide to take an action that may be irreversible.

We’re told to win without ever drawing the sword.

That’s not to say we’re all the same. Some of us are less reactive about the things we see in the news than others. Some are just as prone to reacting from an emotional place no matter how much training they undertake to stay calm in moments of distress. I don’t know why that is, but I find it interesting.

I’m one of the calm ones. Why? Because the same patterns have continued to repeat throughout my lifetime. I’ve seen it so many times that I’m not shocked when anything happens anymore. I see people get upset and in a couple of months they forget again until the next time. They share memes to that effect, yet they still do it anyway.

What do I do? How am I able to stay calm? I ask myself what I can personally do to effect positive change. If I can’t do anything to make a good change happen, I go do something where I can effect change and leave that other thing up to the people who are better suited than I am to bring about a solution.

I can’t stop other countries from waging war on each other or get the US to seriously consider a change to its gun laws without quashing any citizen’s right to protect itself against the threat of government tyranny. I can write stories that might empower someone else who is in a better position to develop a solution to those problems.

I can also clean up my home, so that I may live in a better environment that will help ensure I can pay attention to my studies and my loved ones in order to be my best self.

In October, I lost a friend to a fentanyl overdose. Instead of wasting my time on social media fighting with people who refuse to understand the issue, I wrote a short play that features a hockey mom who gets hurt and finds herself turning to street drugs after the medical system lets her down no matter how many times she asks for help. It’s going to be performed later this year and who knows where it may go after that. It may go nowhere or it may help someone. The point is that I’m using the skill I have spent a lot of time honing to try and make a difference.

What are you uniquely skilled at? Maybe you make jewelery? Why not come up with a special line that raises funds for a cause you’re passionate about? You’re pissed off about a government policy? Join a political party to try and change it. You’re concerned about the environment? Be like that kid who developed a system to take trash out of the ocean.

As martial artists, we aren’t supposed to react. We’re supposed to see multiple possibilities and choose the best option for the situation that we already saw coming.

Get off Facebook and take action where you can. You’ll feel better and may actually help someone. Otherwise, you’re just annoying your friends who probably already agree there’s a problem that needs solving.

And that’s how life’s river flows today.

R~

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Theatrical Tuesday – The Simpsons

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In between coats of paint on my walls and trim, I’m watching episodes of The Simpsons from the beginning. I’ve only ever watched an episode here and there like the one where Lisa is sad and plays blues sax.

Lately, I keep seeing memes and such that predicted things would happen the way they are happening and that has me intrigued.

The first season has some really dark episodes. I mean, Homer takes off with the intention to kill himself in one of them. But it also has some really touching moments that show tough subjects. In one, Homer smashes Bart’s piggy bank in desperation for a beer. Homer realizes he’s being a shitty dad. In another, he sells the family TV to get cash for family therapy because he wants them to be more like other families and at the end of that one, he realizes a bigger and better TV is what is best for the family. In other words, they don’t need to try to be like other families.

I’ve been reading that it gets bad after the 20th season. I’m just going to watch as long as I enjoy it.

There are some great lines that I’ll undoubtedly forget. The music is also fantastic.

But you probably already know this. I’m just behind on a lot of things.

I think I stopped watching at one point because it’s a little more political than some other shows. I used to really hate everything political.

It’s got a realness to it that I’m liking too.

Anyway, I just thought I’d drop in here for a moment as it’s reading week and I have some extra time.

And that’s how life’s river flows today.

R~

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