Rae Roy's Blog, page 21

Pride 2022

Happy Pride Month to all those celebrating!

I'll be somewhat brief this year, but suffice it to say that it took me a long time to figure out this piece of myself. For many years, I just thought I was on the asexual spectrum. This is partly because I had a number of things to heal from, which had left me numb in a lot of ways emotionally. 

The pandemic gave me the time that I needed. It also brought with it the opportunity to do Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) as the cost was covered by the province and I couldn't go out anyway. The model wasn't for everyone. It was a split between phone conversations and online work. The early modules were full of things I already knew as I have a diploma in Social Work. Perhaps that made it easier for me to go through it in a non-traditional setting or perhaps it was my background in I.T. that made it work just fine for me. Whatever the case, I'm really glad I seized that opportunity.

It was about six months after that when I was window shopping online for clothing that I noticed the change in myself. Well, the models were all so hot that I felt alive in a way I never had prior to this. I just thought people were generally good looking or not and usually just ended up dating someone partly because of common interests and a chemistry that eventually built after getting to know them for a while and a need to "scratch an itch."

I defaulted to men partly because society is so full of heterosexual narratives and because I witnessed quite a bit of homophobia as a teen in the 90s. I always had gay friends, but never thought of it as an option for me. This is probably also partly due to attending Catholic school as a child.

Anyway, there's a thing LGBTQ+ people refer to as "gay puberty." A lot of us never had those experiences as teens. Us late bloomers that is. Basically, we go through some of those things later on. One day, I found myself in the LCBO having to tighten my grip on the bottles I had while a beautiful woman walked by. 

Previous to all this, I often felt like some part of me was broken or missing. I chuckled when I learned this about myself. "Oh, I'm just gay," I thought.

Now I'm in a whole different world in some ways. Seriously, it's not easier trying to date women. It's differently weird and complex, but at least I'm fishing from the right pool for me now. That should help, right?

There's a lot more I could say, but I think I'll leave that for another time.

Please check out my digital to-do list: https://trello.com/b/RM8yD3eq/rae-roy-general

Reducing

I've come to the realization that I need to chill the fuck out a bit on my goals. I don't know what made me think I could reasonably carry on a schedule of trying to work on all of them every day while having a full-time job except utter silliness.

Anyway, all this to say that I need to tweak my schedule again. My piano teacher advises that 5 minutes of scales and 10 minutes of song practise daily is enough at my current level. That's really doable. 

I'm thinking drawing will be once or twice a week. I'll start with one for now.

It's generally recommended to exercise at least three times per week to stay healthy.

On the writing front, I've found it hard to do a lot during the week. I'm just too tired in the evenings from being on a computer doing office work all day.

Decluttering can be done in small amounts daily.

And that should leave plenty of time for reading.

There. Sanity restored.

Now I just need to figure out which days for which activities and then I'll be set.

Please check out my digital to-do list: https://trello.com/b/RM8yD3eq/rae-roy-general

Fitness Update

We've started a steps challenge at work and to keep motivated, but also because I've been wanting to do these things, I've joined The Conqueror Challenges. I'm walking through Angkor Wat, in Cambodia, from home. I'm enjoying the challenge, however, you need to have your phone with you at all times if you want to actually look at the places you're walking past. It would be nice if it vibrated once you arrived at a location because sometimes I'm just walking around my house as I clean and it's not useful to be staring at a screen while doing that.

I've been checking out the places I've passed by in a day. This is the shortest challenge they have and I'm 58% through it. And a neat part of the challenge is that I chose bottles as my contribution, which means that each time I hit a milestone, 10 plastic bottles are removed from the ocean.

Angkor Wat was originally built for the Hindu God, Vishnu. Fun Fact: Vishnu, like Lord Shiva, is a fan of Cannabis. Perhaps I should have started this challenge in April ;)

My progress has taken a hit though. After having a big day of steps, I seem to have pulled my calf muscle. I'm actually surprised because it was my hip flexor that was sore by the end of Monday. I'm also dealing with an infected ingrown toenail that I'm hoping to get in to see the doctor about as it's not getting better.

I'm not up to 10,000 steps a day yet. That day was more than double what I was averaging, which was about 3,500-4,000 steps. I got almost 9,000 steps on Monday.

More annoying to me than the injury itself is that a lot of my other goals around the house require me to be mobile. Ice seems to be helping it hurt a bit less. Hopefully I'll be able to do more next week.

Please check out my digital to-do list: https://trello.com/b/RM8yD3eq/rae-roy-general

May Long Weekend 2022

It's a long weekend in Canada. Friday and Saturday were quite warm. Saturday ended with a severe thunderstorm that has uprooted trees and knocked out power across the city. Two deaths have been reported. I spoke with a tree removal service who is working with hydro and several hydro megastructures were twisted up. No one knows how long the power will be out in any area of the city. I'm in a little pocket with power, but nothing around me has power. Because much of the infrastructure is messed up, I have no internet. 
Yesterday, I finished the edits on chapter 13. It turned out not to need too much as it was mainly what I had named something that was bothering me.
I also tried a number of video games and didn't enjoy the bulk of them. I'm glad that many were around $5, so I didn't lose out too badly. I'd really like to game right now, but most of my consoles require Internet. I know I'm luckier than most of the city. It's a good time to catch up around the house and on some reading instead. 
Please check out my digital to-do list: https://trello.com/b/RM8yD3eq/rae-roy-general

First Heat Wave of 2022

I'm finding it difficult to do anything during this heat wave beyond watch TV, game, and read. We've been having weather that is more typical of July. I like that we are having warm days, but a couple of weeks ago, we had snow. It would be nice to gradually acclimatize to the really hot weather!

My keys lesson when well on Thursday. It definitely helped me feel better after a tough week between having my first Mother's Day without my mother, a hectic work week, and having to commute on Tuesday to a friend's house because they had to cut the power in my building all day in order to work on the building's electrical panel. Tuesday was productive even with a dance party in the other room. My buddy is a DJ. Actually, dance music was quite motivating in the early morning. And it was so nice to spend time with their kids when they got home from school. We used to get together all the time and then Covid happened.

Tomorrow begins an exercise challenge at work, which I'm signed up for. I'm on the same team as my friend, so hopefully we can motivate eachother to contribute to the team while getting fit as we've both been feeling frustrated at how much weight we've gained and about the gains we lost during Covid. Hopefully, this is the turning point we both need to get back on track.

And, suddenly I'm finding myself with novel ideas that I need to pursue, so Happy Sunday!

Please check out my digital to-do list: https://trello.com/b/RM8yD3eq/rae-roy-general

Review: The Descent

Image from IMDB.I've been watching horror films for more than 30 years now and very few of them actually scare me. Fewer still are the ones that continue to terrify me long after I've watched them. A handful of films have done this in recent years including Get Out, Insidious, and The Platform, but I ultimately got over them. Get Out didn't scare me per se, but it was more shocking and I truly appreciate the craftsmanship that went into it from all disciplines.
But The Descent continues to linger with me and it's been well over a year since I watched it.
The basic premise is that a group of women go on an adventure to reconnect with each other. Their choice of activity is spelunking. This quickly turns to misadventure as the group gradually shrinks.
Thematically, it's a man vs man and a man vs nature tale. The nature part being differently evolved humanoids. But it's also an allegory for the divisiveness we see in society today. These humanoids are brutally savage beings who only care for their in group. They are basically cannibals and eat all their meat raw. They are the antithesis of progressiveness. They will not live and let live. Instead, they brutally murder and eat anything and anyone who comes into their cave system.
There is a second in the series, and though I'm curious about what happens in it, I really don't think I can handle watching it alone.
The level of brutality in the film earns it an R rating and I think it's warranted.
Will it terrify you ? Horror is a truly subjective genre. Someone with coulrophobia is going to be a lot more freaked out by Stephen King's It than the rest of us. House stories like Insidious and Rose Red probably scare me more than others because I'm a nester type who likes making my home as comfortable as possible. You'll need to see it yourself to know if it will affect you as it has me.

Mother's Day 2022

Mother's Day isn't easy when you've lost yours, but there are hopefully many other people in one's life who fill aspects of that role. Moms do a lot more than wipe butts, clean houses, and cook. The people who:

- will listen to you talk about the dumbest stuff

- regularly check that you're OK

- are there to help you through tough times

- help you grow as a person

- help you make sense of this wacky world

- cheer you on toward success

- celebrate your accomplishments

- help you make tough choices

- encourage you to practice self care

- drive you places no matter the cost of gas

What would you add to this list?

Please check out my digital to-do list: https://trello.com/b/RM8yD3eq/rae-roy-general

Renewal

The last couple of months had me struggling.  I was burned out at work and with my writing. Then an event I was lightly involved with planning happened and it was like a reset button for me. I had such a good time with friends that it reinvigorated me and despite being a bit hungover the next day, I wrote a chapter on a passion project.

On Monday, I decluttered my schedule and started fresh. I was able to shift things around to give myself time to do all the activities I love most. Thursday was the only day I really struggled to get everything in because I had my keys lesson and a learning event related to eventually streaming games.

I've since completed the edits on chapter twelve, which originally ended in a way I was never happy with, but hadn't figured out how to improve yet. Sometimes a writer just needs more time living in order to write what a story needs. I'm very pleased with where I ended up in this chapter.

This is probably ambitious, but I put together a list of goals for the month of May:

Home: Get the bathroom door handle properly installed.

Declutter: Reorganize tools and bring tub surround to charity.

Drawing: Finish Unit 3 and 4 of Drawing for Beginners.

Financial: Reduce spending on frivolities.

Health & Fitness: Continue doing something active nearly every day. Aim to get the 180 scooter trick down.

Keys: Practise scales daily. Learn at least 1 more song.

Relaxation: More reading, gaming, and nature walks.

Sparker: Aim for 3 chapters edited this month.

Please check out my digital to-do list: https://trello.com/b/RM8yD3eq/rae-roy-general

Scooting Along

Saturday was my last beginner scooter lesson. I missed two in the middle due to a mild concussion and the actual final one is happening when I have an event, so that's it for me. 

I love scooter. It's hard to explain, but it just works for me despite chronic pain and hypermobility. 

For my last lesson, I avoided most ramp work. I worked on jumps and was able to jump off boxes. A young man offered to give me a scooter deck next time I see him as I was leaving. He borrowed mine for a moment and easily did the trick I had been trying to do for much of the hour I was there, which was a tailwhip. The trick takes much of the body as it needs the scooter deck kicked out and swung around as the rider jumps ideally back onto it after it circles around fully. I can do about a quarter of one right now.

Though I enjoyed the lessons, I'm also happy they are done as I like keeping my Saturdays free for the possibility of adventures. And I prefer to go on ladies night when I might meet a special someone who also loves skateparks. 

Please check out my digital to-do list: https://trello.com/b/RM8yD3eq/rae-roy-general

Easter 2022

After several hectic weeks at work, I happily slept in on Friday and eased into the day. Following that, I got a lot of decluttering done, some knitting, rehomed my books in a reorganized office space, repotted all my plants, wrote a ritual for the full moon, watched several episodes of Supergirl, paid a parking ticket, and made a lovely dinner of top sirloin with rapini and seasoned creamer potatoes. 

Saturday was a mix of decluttering, chores, and was capped off with a little full moon ritual and some homemade lemon wine a friend gifted me. 

Sunday was a very chill day. I did a lot of relaxing. I gamed and watched more Supergirl. I'm now close to finished Season 6. I also tried to do my drawing homework, but the assignment is a special kind of collage using tape to transfer an image and my tape isn't doing what it's supposed to, so I'm stuck there.

Today, I was an extra in Lee Demarbre's Enter the Drag Dragon. This was a returning role. In the summer, I was an extra in a fight scene with two of my dear friends. Today's scene was the final scene of the movie. Sadly, I went alone as my friends were recovering from Covid and just needed a day or so to meet the number of days after feeling well to ensure everyone would be safe around them. As I moved around the theatre a bit, I don't know where I'll be in the end, but I can't wait to see it!

My takeaway from the filming today was that drones are actually rather creepy. The sound they make is an odd frequency that is almost like a bee hive. Couple that with how easily they could be used to spy on someone and I felt creeped out by it. They're a wonderful tool for filming though.

But today actually began with me writing novel notes out at 5:15 A.M. because my brain decided it finally knew how to add a particular character arc. Now, I just need to find the exact place to do it.

I'm currently waiting on one more piece to finish reorganizing my office. It's supposed to arrive on Wednesday, but Canada Post is saying it might be late. I'm quite frustrated by the shipping options here as my last package went to the wrong building and I got lucky that furniture legs aren't something most people want to keep. I got extra lucky because it was a kind Asian man who walked my package over to my building rather than sending it back. So it did go awry, but turned out OK in the end.

I'm hoping the items I'm waiting on now don't get too delayed. Several of them form part of a goth outfit for an event at month's end. And there are much larger and taller furniture legs in there for the last piece of my office reorg.

Please check out my digital to-do list: https://trello.com/b/RM8yD3eq/rae-roy-general7