Pam Parker's Blog, page 6

When Kindness Rules

Self-Control

Earlier this year in a post called Being Positive in a Negative Time, I wrote about trying to reframe my thinking from fear, negativity and borderline hopelessness to a more positive, creative and hopeful mindset. To do that, I announced an intention to take a Facebook diet. I had been addictively resharing negative stories, jumping on every “sky is falling” announcement about our country. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not in a happy place where we are as a country under the current administration. But, I am trying to keep my thoughts and actions in better control. I don’t want to be adding to anyone else’s fears and negativity! That is not what I was born to do, that much I know.

Good Reading

I also wrote that I would be trying to immerse myself in good literature and to that end, I’d like to recommend the two reads in my post Perfect Tandem Read: Moonglow by Michael Chabon and The Hare with Amber Eyes by Edmund De Waal. In addition, I’ve recently started The Nix by Nathan Hill and good Lord, am I ever hooked! (Yes, female friends, next book up MUST be from a female author.) I won’t try to review The Nix at all yet, but let’s just say that I am learning so much about some fascinating characters and families. And what do you think, best name ever of a troubled boy, Bishop Fall?? Moonglow and The Hare did not have me in as much anticipation of getting back to the books. They were not bad, don’t mean that, but The Nix?? So far, on another level.

Good Viewing

And now, thanks to a post I saw on Facebook (yes, I’m back, with more self-control) from Alexandra Rosas, I have been turned on to the Kindness Diaries on Netflix. This is a must watch show. I know I’m a little late to the party in hearing about this one — and many of you may have already watched it. But if you’re new to it, like me, and you have the ability to watch Netflix somewhere, please do. The basic premise is this — Leon Logothetis, a Brit living in L.A. decides to, well, wait, let me show you what Broadway World said recently:

Who is Leon Logothetis and why does he have a Netflix show? What is his story and why is it significant? Logothetis had it allprestigious job, money, a home, a beautiful girlfriend and a friendly dog. But he traded it all in to live his dreams. His inner rebel, the part of him that yearns to follow his dreams, once again wanted to feel the magic of the human experience by connecting with people through the language of kindness. This is what prompted him to travel the world relying solely on the kindness and generosity of strangers. And now, he is giving back. “I have always had a passion for interacting with people,” says Logothetis. “I love the camaraderie of making new friends and helping those that are deserving, and I treasure the adventure of travel.”

“…connecting with people through the language of kindness.” Amen to that. Again and again and again!

I watch The Kindness Diaries when I’m unloading the dishwasher, washing dishes, folding laundry and suddenly these chores I’ve found deadly boring no longer are. And, yes, sometimes I just sit on my couch, look up occasionally at the March snowstorm painting my Wisconsin world white again, and immerse myself in the beauty of humans. Because yes, there are so many beautiful people out there.

If I had a child at home, of any age, I would make a time to watch this together. If I had a grandchild in my world, I would encourage them to watch it and if we couldn’t be together, we could watch an episode and then discuss. I will be asking my husband to watch an episode or two with me. We all can benefit from reminders of the importance of kindness. When we let kindness guide our thoughts and actions, we spread smiles and hope. I’m all for that.

Please, please, if you haven’t seen it and can, start watching The Kindness Diaries. I have no doubt it will uplift you and maybe you too will catch the kindness bug.

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When Kindness Rules was originally published in Pam Writes on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Sincerity, Smiles & Striving

We all have our masks; apparently mine is a smile. I was born with an optimistic nature, a glass half-full person. Nearing Christmas when I was quite young, our cat knocked over the newly decorated tree.

Crash!

“Oh shit!” came my mother’s voice from the green and gold living room in our 1960s era ranch.

I found her, teary-eyed, propping the tree back up. Not used to seeing my mommy upset, I tried to find the sunny side of the situation.

“Look at all the half-balls on the tree!” And at that, my mother managed a half-smile, probably thinking, what on earth have I born to this world? What is wrong with this girl?

By Produnis (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons; Image URL

Whatever she was thinking, that my friends is a rather classic example of a statement from a person born with the “let’s make the best of it” gene.

In high school, a friend of mine called me (privately — only in our notes to each other which was the 1970s form of texting) “eternally happy, PQP, plus quam perfectum, Pammy Parker”. The lengthy moniker bothered me. I wasn’t eternally happy; who is? And I worried that she thought I was faking happiness and we wrote back and forth about that. No, she didn’t think my happiness was superficial or fake. She said she envied my attitude.

But, like many folks in high school, I was struggling with who I was, or more seriously, what others thought of me. All I saw was everything “wrong” about me to my own eyes. Too short. Too smart. Too “uncool.” Not pretty and confident like my mom and older sister. Not strong and outspoken like them either.

And then, this eternally happy idea? What was that about? I don’t remember wrestling with it much more then, beyond asking Nancy in the 1970s version of WTF, which was, probably something like, “What the hell do you mean?” (We weren’t slaves to character limits back then.)

In adulthood, I’ve had to make some peace with the idea that as a creative, wired for over-sensitivity, and now someone who battles depression, I prefer to share smiles than struggles and sorrows. Does that mean that occasionally my smiles are insincere?

Yes, occasionally.

Because I have learned that sometimes I must choose to smile and in choosing, seek to make it be sincere. This is not about faking — it’s about striving for happiness.

That’s not a bad thing.

Ever.

Sincerity, Smiles & Striving was originally published in Pam Writes on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Perfect Tandem Read

MOONGLOW by Michael Chabon and THE HARE WITH AMBER EYES by Edmund De Waal

Importance of Reading

Reading is as necessary for my health as breathing. When my depression is BAD I find reading novels hard so I switch to short stories or read some short and straight-forward nonfiction until my focus and concentration improve. I have trouble understanding people who don’t read much. (And, yes, 45 has spoken about how he doesn’t read much. Explains a lot.) Many articles have proclaimed the importance of reading good literary fiction in building empathy. An oft-quoted study found that readers of literary fiction scored higher on understanding others’ emotions than readers of genre fiction, but:

The academics are keen to stress that they are not claiming a superiority for literary fiction. “What we are saying is that there are different ways of telling a story, and they have different impacts on the way we perceive social reality. Literary fiction, we say, tends to challenge social categories — the characters are category-resistant … Popular fiction, on the other hand, uses types of characters which help us immediately understand what is going on. That’s how we learn about the social world — how we build our national and cultural identities,” said Castano.

I’ve tried, without consistency or success, to update folks about what I’m reading, but my Goodreads site is never 100% up to date. If you check out my Goodreads, you’ll see that I tend to gravitate to literary, character-driven fiction, as do most of my book clubs. In nonfiction, I am much more interested in narrative nonfiction (tells a story) than in expository, descriptive or persuasive.

Tandem Reading

Lately I’ve been reading two books at the same time, a tandem read if you will. They are both good empathy builders, IMHO. I don’t do this all the time, but this time I needed to share because this tandem is a beautiful one. I am reading Michael Chabon’s (pronounced, in his words, “Shea as in Shea Stadium, Bon as in Bon Jovi”…) MOONGLOW and Edmund De Waal’s THE HARE WITH AMBER EYES.

If you read the previous post What is Forgotten?: Legacy, Stories & Letting Go of Stuff, you will understand already how much De Waal’s book is resonating with me. Consider this, from De Waal’s website:

How things are made, how they are handled and what happens to them has been central to my life for over thirty years. So too has Japan, a place I went to when I was 17 to study pottery. How objects embody memory — or more particularly, whether objects can hold memories — is a real question for me. This book is my journey to the places in which this collection lived. It is my secret history of touch.

My highly recommended tandem read.

MOONGLOW has not been, for me, an easy read though it is compelling. Chabon’s style can be dense and challenging — I don’t mind that all, but it can get too heavy for me for long stretches and I decided I needed to break it up with something else. So, when THE HARE WITH AMBER EYES was coming up for one of my bookclubs, I decided I’d see if my post-election brain could handle two reads at once. I bought THE HARE in Kindle reader with audio to be able to switch between reading and listening. I rarely buy audiobooks, but since I’m spending hours lately starting to declutter for downsizing ahead, I thought it made sense this time. When I am doing mindless household tasks — washing dishes, folding laundry, packing items to give to charity — or driving, I listen. It did not take long to realize I had struck tandem reading gold! If you’ve already read one, I suggest you consider the other. If you’ve not read other, and you are not afraid to face the broad themes of legacy, memory and family values (what do we really pass on to our loved ones?), do consider a tandem read. The duo could lead to a great bookclub discussion — if you have an ambitious bookclub.

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Perfect Tandem Read was originally published in Pam Writes on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

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Subscribe for email updates was originally published in Pam Writes on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.