Jonathan L. Howard's Blog, page 12

My tweets

Thu, 12:07 : 2011: Opened my #NaNoWriMo with a runaway train ploughing into Kings Cross. 2012: With a bloke peeved because his carrots have been nicked. Thu, 12:11 : RT @OllyHodgson: That thing where The Onion momentarily becomes a serious news source: http://t.co/G77q1lhs Thu, 14:50 : A lot of stuff always turns up at once. Done my basic for #NaNoWriMo today, so moving onto Beta reader notes for Russalka #2, KATYA'S WAR. Thu, 14:52 : RT @philipreeve1: "...a blind and foolish monster..." Interesting blog by @CherylMorgan about Amazon & its ways. http://t.co/DDPYTjk0 Thu, 15:09 : Always nice to go from "Zero draft" to "First draft," i.e. in a state that won't make your publisher question their sanity in signing you. Thu, 19:19 : I have supped of early evening beer and am very slightly drunk. Whee. God, I'm a cheap date. Half of shandy top and I'm anyone's. Thu, 22:55 : RT @tinfoiltuque: The best photo of Barack Obama I have ever seen. http://t.co/AjPed6jt

My tweets

Wed, 13:33 : @susanhillwriter Have you seen the cartoon with you in the new Private Eye, yet? "Snipcock & Tweed," no less. Wed, 14:33 : Many thanks for all the enthusiasm from across the Atlantic about my announcement. In case you missed it http://t.co/0r626fkI #JohannesCabal Wed, 16:23 : RT @MikelS75: Katya's World http://t.co/UuEas8H3 Wed, 20:29 : RT @davegibbons90: A witches' brew of classic old horror movie posters http://t.co/8ghEsiBk Wed, 20:43 : RT @tim_brannigan: Lolz! United fans unfurl great banner at Stamford Bridge tonight. #stopit #mufc #cfc http://t.co/AB0us9m3 Thu, 09:21 : Damn, too late to familiarise myself with Scrivener, so it's #NaNoWriMo on Word again. Thu, 09:47 : Oh, yes. And, as a last minute decision, I'm doing #Movember again. Why? Because #ARSECANCER IS EVIL, that's why, dammit. Thu, 10:33 : So disorganised for #NaNoWriMo this year. Only the vaguest idea what the plot is, next to no notes, and no over-complicated Excel sheet. Thu, 11:02 : Just used a colon/semicolon differentiated list, one of the most baroque grammatical structures in English. Why? Because I'm annoying. Thu, 11:40 : Why do I insist on writing period pieces? First day of #NaNoWriMo and I've had to research Geiger-M�ller tubes, radiograms, and Slough. </ul

My tweets

Tue, 12:21 : RT @Peculiar: Nick Griffin has announced that he finds gay people 'creepy'. Funny, I feel the same about fat fascists without necks. Tue, 13:33 : Why you? See that sign saying "No Cold Callers"? That's why you. Oh, except you can't see much of anything now, can you? #HalloweenIn123 Tue, 13:37 : You're the sweetest girl in the world. Or at least you will be once this vat of sugar finally boils. #HalloweenIn123 Tue, 13:46 : Just thinking. For bonfire night, perhaps we should start burning Parliament in effigy. "Penny for the Palace of Westminster, guv?" Tue, 16:06 : RT @RobotTradingCo: Ebook out now: Katya's World, Russalka Chronicles No.1 by Jonathan L. Howard (@JonathanLHoward) - http://t.co/1ltqgV ... Tue, 17:05 : I stole a monkey's paw from an old gypsy woman after setting my dog Cujo on her. I'm sure there'll be no repercussions. #HalloweenIn123 Tue, 17:24 : Norman Wisdom & George Formby's ghosts ride the bus, laughing. Will Hay is on the top deck, bitching about light pollution. #HalloweenIn123 Tue, 17:42 : RT @BeastManBrett: @JonathanLHoward I found this picture and thought "What would Johannes Cabal do?" and thought "Shoot it in the face! ... Tue, 20:08 : Disney buys LucasFilm, new Star Wars film for 2015. Woo. I just hope it's up to the high standard set by the prequels. Tue, 21:01 : RT @newdawnfades: I think Lucas has enough money now to finance his small, experimental films. Tue, 21:04 : Hold on. Disney already has Marvel. Now all I can see is Vader duelling Thor while Iron Man knocks over stormtroopers in the background. Tue, 21:37 : I notice that people are changing their names for scary Halloween ones. I can't think of anything scarier than what I've already got. Tue, 21:50 : "That's no moon..." http://t.co/q0wi7Die ( via @OctoberJones ) Tue, 22:28 : Brace yourself for a massive squee: http://t.co/leHuCeSb (via @DaveMcKinnon23 ) Wed, 01:16 : A Hallowe'en Announcement of the Most Appalling News http://t.co/PsXLyUup Wed, 01:18 : I have the most dreadful news to convey. Sorry to ruin your Hallowe'en and all, but... http://t.co/2yQeOhJP

A Hallowe'en Announcement of the Most Appalling News

I'm sorry. I am truly sorry. I have no idea how this could have happened. 

I am the bearer of bad tidings. 

It transpires that, for reasons that remain obscure, Thomas Dunne, the respected publishers of books such as Peter Ackroyd's six part History of England , through to striking new works of fiction like David Wong's  John Dies at the End has, and I can hardly bring myself to say it, decided to publish  Johannes Cabal: The Fear Institute  in North America, a continent hitherto spared that terrible contagion. 

I can barely see to type, the tears are streaming so. 

But, before you run off to stockpile batteries, ammunition, and canned food prior to walling yourselves up in the cellar, it is my unhappy lot to tell you that the coming apocalypse will be yet more terrible still. 

In an act of elemental villainy that has left doomsday cults around the world nodding appreciatively, Thomas Dunne has requested -- Nay! Demanded! -- that a fourth Johannes Cabal novel be written, presumably to finish off any survivors. 

The timeline is not set in stone, but I believe the intention is for Johannes Cabal: The Fear Institute to be released approximately a year hence in North America, and the as-yet-unnamed fourth Johannes Cabal novel to follow a year later in the autumn of 2014.

Indeed, the autumn of the whole of that once proud continent. 

Go to your families, your loved ones. Hold them close, now that you know your time is so cruelly limited. Tell them everything is going to be okay, though the lie curdles in your throat.

I'm so sorry. 

My tweets

Mon, 15:34 : RT @strangechem: "Strange Chemistry is shaping up as the must-read list for YA fantasy/scifi/supernatural" - http://t.co/33eyplEJ @Jonat ... Mon, 16:18 : KATYA'S WORLD out next week. You'd think that, as my 4th novel, I wouldn't be mug enough to still get needlessly excited about it. But I am. Mon, 21:12 : It was a simple card trick -- "Find the Lady." Only after the card sharp had left did they realise that Abigail was missing. #HalloweenIn123 Mon, 21:17 : I have a picture of you. See, you're in the window of that house. You've never been there? You will. Look! You're screaming. #HalloweenIn123 Mon, 21:20 : You'll love this doll. It walks, it talks, it smiles, it plans, it hunts, it bites, it cuts. You'll love this doll. Or else. #HalloweenIn123 Mon, 21:29 : On your X-ray, can you see that grey patch? That's not normal. Don't fret - we've called for an exorcist and a flamethrower. #HalloweenIn123 Mon, 21:43 : I'm enjoying these #HalloweenIn123 things far too much. Just one more, as soon as I think of something. Mon, 21:49 : Why the fuss? Like they say, "If you want to get a hat, get a head." What? It's "if you want to get ahead, get a hat"? Oops. #HalloweenIn123 Mon, 22:51 : Saw #Skyfall today. Most impressed. I think I may go and see it again next week. Tue, 10:13 : RT @Pippatips: #PippaTip: Halloween Surprise. Surprise a friend by hiding behind something where they can't see you then jumping at them ... Tue, 10:45 : Why are people afraid of clowns? I love 'em! Love their jokes and funny faces and their begging to be let out of the cellar. #HalloweenIn123 Tue, 10:47 : RT @strangechem: How do you fancy buying Katya's World by @JonathanLHoward? Here's a handy link! http://t.co/WSUVZiYL Tue, 10:57 : I loved my grandmother, but now she's all gone I'm wondering what else there is to eat in the house. #HalloweenIn123 Tue, 11:03 : Ah, card 13, "Death." The usual interpretation is it's a metaphorical death, a sudden change. In your case, however... no. #HalloweenIn123 Tue, 11:22 : Empty old house hates Halloween, for this is the night when its previous victims walk. Drunken teenagers make crappy ghosts. #HalloweenIn123 Tue, 11:24 : RT @garethlpowell: Colinthology - http://t.co/qAXYIFMt http://t.co/qAXYIFMt Tue, 11:40 : I offer an interior decorating service for serial killers, covering walls with densely written notes and newspaper cuttings. #HalloweenIn123 Tue, 11:54 : Tanks now? Really? Ever since that A-bomb woke me from my millennia-long sleep, today's been nothing but hassle. #HalloweenIn123

My tweets

Sun, 13:20 : Since when have magnuts and tanuki been called "raccoon dogs," and why is that the Wiki article name? Smacks of cultural colonialism. Sun, 16:45 : RT @brainpicker: Gorgeous, dramatic vintage silent movie posters from around the world http://t.co/1IIECDwo

My tweets

Sat, 14:26 : RT @Chadbourn: Next two #Bond films to be a two-parter shot back-to-back? #Skyfall http://t.co/O333NFM0 Sat, 18:09 : Reading THE MOVING TOYSHOP by Edmund Crispin. One of those books I've always meant to read. Sat, 20:08 : RT @wallabri: I give you a hamburger... http://t.co/7rz4QdcC

My tweets

Fri, 12:07 : I have inadvertently bonded a small quantity of rat poison to my right forearm with expanding foam, itself toxic. I only wish I were joking. Fri, 13:20 : Have managed to remove most of the foam and poison, along with several clumps of forearm hair and patches of skin. Ow. Fri, 13:51 : Tumblr's down! Oh god, the Mayans were right after all! Fri, 14:04 : RT @Jenni_Hill: RT @goulcher Squirrel gets head stuck in halloween skull. Immediately becomes most horrifying thing man has ever seen. h ... Fri, 15:38 : I have a copy of this RPG. I endorse this review: http://t.co/MttKeajl In fact, it's quite kind. #CyborgCommando #WTFD&D!? Fri, 17:49 : RT @AnnieLowrey: It begins: A drone with its fuel line disconnected and ignition off mysteriously managed to turn itself on. http://t.co ...

My tweets

Thu, 12:23 : RT @aeroplanegirl: Bookshop owners, y'all should use this sign: http://t.co/zzPpLtlJ Thu, 12:47 : WHAAAAT? You haven't bought COLINTHOLOGY - 21 pieces of new fiction for a mere �2.99, proceeds to charity - yet? http://t.co/IXVLCNam Thu, 15:21 : RT @garethlpowell: My next novel (@AckAckMacaque) hits the shelves exactly 10 weeks today. #excited Thu, 15:23 : That last retweet reminds me that KATYA'S WORLD is out a fortnight today in the UK, and in only 12 days for the US. Yikes. Fri, 09:59 : RT @laurenbravo: Tube announcer: "This is the southbound Victoria line calling all stops to Brighton. I mean Brixton. I wish it were goi ... Fri, 10:19 : RT @normanmonkey: Praise to the 6 year old girl who told Pippa Middleton at her awful book launch event yesterday: "I hate princesses. I ... Fri, 11:51 : This morning I have mainly been filling in a rat hole. Ah, the glamorous life of an author. </ul

My tweets

Wed, 12:09 : RT @philipreeve1: 1960s Puffin covers for The Hunger Games, by Kathryn Miller http://t.co/beDExkp0 (she also did the Mortal Engines post ... Wed, 12:26 : RT @AnneBillson: Thoughtful post on the Savile affair from @nonnamouse http://t.co/9KyWq5Vf Wed, 13:44 : RT @BFI: Explore Ealing Studio's eerie excursions into fantasy: http://t.co/xtTF34ju #bfiealing Wed, 14:48 : RT @JamesThorne2: Fl.Lt. William Walker, the oldest surviving Battle of Britain pilot, has died. Doubt if we'll see the likes of these a ... Wed, 15:45 : Bit of literary history. At the Chitchat Society meeting where M.R. James first presented his ghost stories, E. F. Benson was present. Wed, 15:50 : I hear Rob Liefeld is retiring from comics. Oh, well. Wed, 17:43 : The hubris of @realDonaldTrump is staggering. The background of his Twitter page is the golf course he shat on Aberdeenshire. Wed, 18:06 : RT @cdr_james_bond: ooh Q's got an ipad. La di da Wed, 19:10 : RT @_Robynmoore: Lesbian couple kisses in front of a anti-gay protest in France. lol this is fab tbh:)) http://t.co/jL8j4J0h Wed, 19:21 : RT @howardtayler: This has made me happy all day: "Not my problem" in Polish is "nie moj cyrk, nie moje malpy." Literally "not my circus ... Wed, 23:05 : The Bond movies' 50th anniversary reminded me of this: http://t.co/dpBHW3R6 They PACKED trailers with spoilers back then. Thu, 12:00 : Bit disconcerting to find 2nd Russalka Chronicle, KATYA'S WAR, up on Amazon already: http://t.co/oqckzVXr Get your preorders in now, kids.