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Processing Grief Through Lament

Lament is an old-fashioned word with modern day use. When the pain of grief is too hard to handle, scripture gives us the practice of processing grief through lament.

In my own grief after Dan died, I felt crushed by the ache of missing, heavy emotions, and demanding questions. My only relief was to take it to God. Every morning, I’d get my kids started for the day and then get alone in my minivan where I could pour out my heart.

Sometimes I cried out my grief and other times scrawled it out in my journal. After unburdening my heart to God, I’d open my Bible to that day’s reading and see once again God’s character and his promises. I had enough hope to make it through that day.

The rhythm I began in desperation I now know as the Biblical practice of lament. When life implodes in loss, when our pain is too much to bear, God has given us the language of lament.

What is Biblical Lament?

Lament is voicing our hardest emotions and questions to God, leaving them there, and choosing to trust God’s comfort and faithfulness. It shows up as quiet tears, audible cries, choking sobs, strident anger, and “groanings too deep for words.” But Biblical lament isn’t tears alone.

“Lament is a prayer in pain that leads to trust,” says Mark Vroegop. Though lament starts with hard emotions and hard questions, it doesn’t get stuck there. It’s “a path… through our brokenness and disappointment…from heartbreak to hope.”

While there’s no fixed prescription for lament, much like there’s no one way to pray, scripture gives us a pattern: take our pain to God, express honest emotion, trust God’s character and promises, and receive his comfort and hope.

5 Ways of Processing Grief Through Lament

1. Lament invites honest grief.

Jesus, the Man of Sorrows, understands every kind of pain we suffer this side of heaven. We don’t have to fake that we’re okay with God or put ourselves together to go to him. He already knows every ache, every sorrow we carry.

Lament is the most honest, raw expression of our grief with God. Our emotions might unsettle others but they never unsettle God. God who created us designed us with emotion. Naming our pain is the first step to processing it.

We see this when the psalmist cried out to God: “…my bones burn like red-hot coals. My heart is sick, withered like grass, and I have lost my appetite. Because of my groaning, I am reduced to skin and bones…I eat ashes for food. My tears run down into my drink.” (Psalm 102:3-5, 9, NLT)

2. Lament draws us to God.

There’s a difference between grieving and grumbling. In grief, we cry out to God but in grumbling we cry out against him. Even if we don’t feel God close in our pain, lament is a prayer believing that God is listening and he cares.

In Psalm 77, the psalmist turned to God for help: “I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. When I was in distress, I sought the Lord…” (Psalm 77:1-2, NIV)

3. Lament leads to hope.

This is where lament pivots from anguish to expectancy, from distress to promise. When we draw close to God in lament, we re-anchor our hope in him. We remember his unchanging character and faithfulness, and reaffirm that God is in control and he alone has the last word over our circumstance.

Biblical lament isn’t blaming God or complaining about God. These are sinful attitudes against a holy God. But we can voice our complaints against injustice and evil as we look to God for help. In Psalm 25, David lamented about his enemies while also reaffirming his hope: “Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish…because my hope, Lord, is in you.” (Psalm 25:17, 21, NIV)

4. Lament leads to comfort.

God longs to comfort us in our grief. When we turn to him and unburden the depth and breadth of our grief, he gives us his supernatural comfort. We see this in Hannah’s prayer in First Samuel. Hannah endured years of infertility and when her husband’s second wife, who had many children, cruelly taunted her, Hannah took her heartbreak to God at the tabernacle.

Hannah was deeply distressed and prayed with tears. “I’ve been pouring out my heart before the Lord…I’ve been praying from the depth of my anguish and resentment.” (1 Sam. 1:15-16, CSB) But her raw prayer of lament led to comfort. “Then the woman went her way and ate, and her face was no longer sad.”

5. Lament is a prayer of faith.

Ultimately, lament is grounded in faith that God is listening, that he cares, and that he is good even when life feels bad. Lament says, I am hurting, I wish this was different, but I trust you, God.

In David’s distress, he first questioned God: “How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?” But as David prayed through his circumstance, he declared his faith in God. “But I have trusted in your faithful love; my heart will rejoice in your deliverance.” (Psalm 13:5, CSB)

The more I study lament expressed in God’s Word, the more I see God’s kindness to give us a way to process the pain of this world that’s too hard to bear. It’s one more way God is with us as we walk through suffering.

The post Processing Grief Through Lament appeared first on Lisa Appelo.

10 Declarations When Grieving at Christmas

A Jesus-filled Christmas is about anticipation, but we often heap the holidays with expectation. These expectations make surviving the holidays after loss even more difficult. After trying (and failing) to create a perfect Christmas for my children after the sudden death of their dad, I learned to let these 10 declarations when grieving at Christmas help me navigate the season.

Here’s the backstory. I dearly wanted to see my children’s eyes light up as they opened presents on that first Christmas morning after Dan’s death. But what should have been a peace-filled holiday ended up stress-filled because I’d taken on a burden I couldn’t meet—creating Christmas magic to cover their pain.

My 16-year-old son had asked for a shotgun. In Christmases past, my husband would have bought it but that task now fell to me. And I was clueless about shotguns.

I invested hours of shopping, researching, and querying my friends’ husbands to find the right shotgun in my price range. I was just about ready to buy when I overheard my son—who had no idea of the legwork I’d done for his present—say he’d love a new fishing pole. A fishing pole?

There I was, two days before Christmas, in a frenzy of baking, cleaning, and researching all things fishing poles to pull off the Best Christmas Ever. That day didn’t end well. When another son questioned why I was still scurrying to get presents on December 22nd, I imploded into a pile of tears, guilt, and self-pity.

I’m grateful for grace, but I also learned a crucial lesson.

The wonder of Christmas isn’t something we create but Someone we celebrate.

Christmas is captivating not because we have the perfect gifts under the tree or a perfectly completed to-do list, but because we have the perfect Savior who is Jesus.

We can let ourselves off the hook of stressful expectations, especially when we’re already walking through grief at Christmas. Let these 10 declarations help you navigate Christmas when the holidays hurt.

10 Declarations When Grieving at Christmas

1. I will shape a Christmas that focuses on the gift of Jesus rather than react to expectations or pressures of what Christmas should look like. (Matt. 1:21, ESV)

2. I will show my family I love them through my words, activities, and time together this Christmas rather than trying to win their affection through expensive or excessive presents. (1 Cor. 13:7, ESV)

3. I will make space for grief through practices that fit our family and allow my family grace for how they walk through grief. (2 Cor. 1:5, ESV)

4. I will let go of traditions this year that are too painful or too burdensome knowing we can fold them back in to future holidays if wanted. (Ecc. 3:1, 4, ESV)

5. I will see God’s goodness in the midst of pain this Christmas rather than missing his goodness because I’m focused on Christmases past or Christmas as it might have been. (Psalm 145:9, ESV)

6. I will give myself permission to grieve what has been lost while at the same time embracing the blessings I have now. (2 Cor. 1:3-4, ESV)

7. I will navigate loneliness by looking for small ways to bless others through the season, rather than self-medicating with unhealthy habits. (Prov. 11:25, ESV)

8. I will say yes to the holiday party invitation even if it feels awkward and also allow myself to stay home if grief is too painful that day. (Psalm 126:5-6, ESV)

9. I will let others off the hook of expecting them to make my Christmas special or understanding all my emotions and let grace help us move forward together. (Eph. 4:32, ESV)

10. I will let Jesus continue to guide me through this valley and bind up wounds knowing his birth, death, and resurrection mean I can grieve with hope. (1 Thess. 4:13, ESV)

The post 10 Declarations When Grieving at Christmas appeared first on Lisa Appelo.

Thanksgiving Remembrance Blessing Mix with Scripture

I brought this to a gathering a few weeks ago and my family is still snacking on it. I tweaked this recipe to create a Thanksgiving Remembrance Blessing Mix to give thanks and remember our beloved ones dearly missed around the Thanksgiving table.

I know this is a bit different from the posts usually featured here on finding hope in grief and faith through the storms of life, but when I sent it out in my weekend Hope Note newsletter, I had so many of you ask to share it, I decided to park it here so for easy reference and to make it shareable. I hope this is a festive and meaningful way to give thanks and remember loved ones during the holidays.

Thanksgiving Remembrance Blessing Mix Recipe

Mix the following according to taste in a large bowl. Leave out the candy corn and cranberries if storing in an airtight container and then add them just before serving.

Bugles Corn Snacks, Original FlavorMini Pretzel TwistsM&Ms Milk Chocolate CandyUnsweetened Dried CranberriesCandy CornHershey’s Chocolate Kisses (keep wrapped)

This Thanksgiving Remembrance Blessing Mix is a tasty snack but each ingredient also represents deep meaning on Thanksgiving Day.

Bugles: Shaped like a horn of plenty, these remind us that God meets our every need. If you’re in a place of deep grief, let this also remind you that God has promised abundant life this side of the cross as well as for eternity.

“And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” (2 Corinthians 9:8, ESV)

Mini Pretzel Twists: Shaped like hands folded in prayer with arms across your chest, these remind us to give thanks in all things.

“…do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7, ESV)

M&M’s: These candies symbolize the memories we hold of those loved and missed around our Thanksgiving table.

“Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever.” (Psalm 112:6, NIV)

Dried Cranberries: Cranberries are harvested in the fall and appear in grocery stores around each Thanksgiving. This fruit reminds us that God never wastes our pain and brings good fruit in us and through us.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5, ESV)

Candy Corn: This represents God’s promise of a harvest when we plant and sow with him.

“Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.” (Psalm 126:5-6, ESV)

Hershey’s Kisses: These chocolate candies reflect God’s love for us and the love we shared with the ones we miss at Thanksgiving.

“We love because he first loved us.” (1 John 4:19, ESV)

Ways to Serve Thanksgiving Remembrance Blessing Mix

This snack mix is so easy to assemble with lots of ways to serve and use it during the Thanksgiving season. Here are a few favorites.

Package into gift bags, tie with a ribbon, and give to neighbors, Bible study friends, or work colleagues. We often give goodies for Christmas, so giving and receiving a treat at Thanksgiving helps it stand out. Put into a large serving bowl with the printable on a frame or printed onto card stock to show the meaning of each piece. Then let guests nosh on it throughout Thanksgiving Day.Pass around a bowl at the Thanksgiving table and let everyone take a scoopful as you read the meaning for each ingredient and the scriptures. You can have guests share a memory of your loved one in heaven or name something they’re thankful for. This blessing mix is wonderful for a Friendsgiving or any gathering during the fall months of September through November.Get the Blessing Mix with Scripture Printable

Download a copy of this mix with supporting scripture to print and display with a bowl of the mix or tie onto a bag to give to friends. You can use cardstock or your copy printer paper. Get the printable here.

The post Thanksgiving Remembrance Blessing Mix with Scripture appeared first on Lisa Appelo.

7 Comforts to Trust God’s Timing

The longer we wait on God to answer a prayer or bring something about, the tougher it is to trust God’s timing. But time is an integral part of God’s will for us. We can trust God’s timing, but often our faith grows thin as we wait on God. I saw this several years ago with a couple in our Bible study group.

“We made a huge decision,” our friends shared during prayer time. In a huge leap of faith, they’d decided to sell their dream home so the wife could stay home with their young children.

July 1st was the last day she could pull out of her teaching contract. But weeks turned into months as the house sat on the market. Had they heard God right? Why hadn’t the house sold?

We kept praying and finally—at the last possible opportunity—the house sold.

“God is never late!” the wife declared that next Sunday.

To which her husband responded, “But he’s rarely early.”

We’ve all been in that waiting place. I want to share 7 comforts to trust God’s timing.

What Scripture Tells us About Trusting God’s Timing

1.God chooses to work gradually over time.

God could do things instantly. He could answer our prayers immediately, heal instantaneously, and meet our need before we even feel it. But it pleases God to unfold his plan over time. “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven…” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, ESV)

God took six days to create each detail of heaven and earth. And though he promised a Redeemer after Adam and Eve sinned, it would be thousands of years before the Redeemer was born.

We can trust God has purpose in the time he takes to unfold his plan for us.

2. God isn’t bound by deadlines.

“There is no panic in heaven” Corrie ten Boom has famously said. We may set up deadlines but God isn’t bound by them.

Henry Blackaby tells about waiting on a promised $60,000 wire transfer his congregation needed to finish their church building. Delay after delay stretched them far past their target date until the money was finally wired—on the one day the Canadian exchange rate plunged and doubled the value of the wire transfer. (Experiencing God)

Instead of self-imposed timelines, let’s trust God has unseen purpose and blessing on the other side of our obedient waiting.

3. God knows the end from the beginning.

When I’m in a wilderness of waiting, I want to know when and how it will end. As I read books on grief after my husband died, I turned to the last chapter first–I wanted to know whether this widow had remarried and whether her kids were okay.

God has known from eternity past how our waiting will end. Isaiah 46:9-10 says, “…I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done.” (ESV)

We can trust God with not only the timing but the ending.

4. God gives us enough time to accomplish his will.

The clock ticks, the calendar turns, and we wring our hands worrying we’re running out of time. Jesus’ public ministry was only three years and yet he accomplished everything God intended for him. On the night of his arrest, Jesus said, “I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do.” (John 17:4, NIV)

God has intentionally given us each day of our life, from the day we’re born till the day we die. (Psalm 139:16). We can trust God gives us the perfect amount of time to do his will each day and over our lifetime.

5. There’s no fear of missing out.

Ever scrolled through your newsfeed and felt like all the opportunities were passing you by? We’re apt to think we’re missing out and those opportunities will never come again. As the months and years roll by in our wait, our hopes, dreams, and callings can seem fleeting.

But there is no missing out in God’s timing! Sarah and Abraham thought they’d missed out on a child, but God was revealing himself in the wait. Joseph hadn’t been passed by as he languished in prison; God was waiting for the perfect opportunity to catapult him to prominence and influence. And Paul realized the chains keeping him from the mission field actually advanced the gospel far beyond what even he could see, as we read today letters he was compelled to write in prison when he couldn’t visit the churches. (Phil 1:12)

We can trust our God of infinite opportunity who knows the exact right time for us.

6. God uses time to work all things for good.

Most of us are familiar with Romans 8:28 which promises God works all things for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. It’s not that we doubt the promise; it’s that we add three little words: in my lifetime.

While we’re bound by our lifetime, God is not. God is eternal and his work continues long after our life on earth is over. Truth is, we may not see the fullness of God’s good on our timetable or in our lifetime.

Hebrews 11 lists some of the stoutest believers like Noah, Abraham, Sarah, Joseph, Moses and more, all who died still waiting on the fulfillment of God’s promised Redeemer. God commends them for their faith.

They’re our examples to trust God is working all things for good and will do what he’s promised, even if that comes when we’re with him in heaven.

7. Trusting God’s timing keeps us from consequences.

Think waiting on God is hard? Try bearing the consequences of going ahead of him. God kindly shows us the consequences we reap when we don’t trust his timing.

We see that in First Samuel 13 when the Philistines assembled to attack, causing the Hebrews to panic, go into hiding, and flee across the Jordan. Samuel instructed Saul to wait seven days for him to arrive and sacrifice before battle. Saul waited seven days, but when his army began to scatter in fear, Saul took matters into his own hands and made the holy sacrifice. As the smell of roast lamb rose in the air, Samuel appeared. It had been a test and Saul failed. Because Saul didn’t wait on God’s timing, God gave the kingdom to David.

Going ahead of God has consequences for us as well. Tough as it may be, God’s perfect will for us lies on the other side of our patient obedience.

We may never know why God has us wait so long to answer a prayer or bring something about. But he is for us and we can trust his timing. Waiting on God is always worth it.

The post 7 Comforts to Trust God’s Timing appeared first on Lisa Appelo.

Grief and Gratitude: 5 Ways Gratitude Helps Us Move Through Grief

For years I’ve seen a quote circulate on social media that says, “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”1 I want to change it every time because these words, well-intentioned as they may be, rush us past grief with a passing nod so we can land squarely in gratitude.

God tells us to give thanks in all things, but he never says it’s a choice between sorrow and thanksgiving. It’s not grief or gratitude. It’s grief and gratitude.

We can both grieve what’s gone and savor what’s good.

We can be both deeply grateful and deeply grieving. Gratitude doesn’t happen once we’ve moved through grief. They can go hand in hand. They are not opposites nor are they sequential. They are co-workers, helping us process pain and take steps forward. It’s not from grief to gratitude but grief alongside gratitude.

Grief and Gratitude in the Bible

Many psalms reflect both lament and thanksgiving. Psalm 13 starts with sorrow: “How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?…How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?”

But the psalmist also gives thanks: “I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.” (Psalm 13, NIV) Instead of forcing a choice of between grief and gratitude, the psalms of lament show we can hold both.

What about some of those who suffered in the Bible who suffered like Job? Job endured catastrophic suffering including the death of his ten children, the complete loss of his farming business, and the onset of a painful, disfiguring disease. After 41 chapters describing Job’s lament, his friends’ rebukes, and God’s correction, God restores Job.

God blessed Job’s latter days more than his beginning, giving him twice what he lost and 10 more children. And he lived happily ever after, right? Hmmm, not so fast. In the wake of my own loss, I now know Job must have been grateful for God’s goodness and blessing, but for the rest of his long life, he must also have grieved for his 10 oldest children who died.

          We can both grieve what’s gone and savor what’s good.

Jesus too models holding both grief and gratitude. On the evening of the Last Supper, knowing he was about to be betrayed, arrested, mocked, beaten, and crucified, Jesus gave thanks.

“This was not an obligatory blessing offered up before the meal. The whole meal pictured the enormous sacrifice Jesus was about to make…He gave himself to God and to the world, not with coercion, but with abandon…and with gratitude, grateful for the privilege of obeying his Father and of fulfilling the mission He had been sent to earth to complete.” (Choosing Joy, 73)

Jesus gave thanks even as he knew the agony ahead, so great it would make him sweat drops of blood. If Jesus could hold both grief and gratitude, then so can we.

5 Insights About Grief And Gratitude

1. Grief and gratitude can co-exist.

On my worst day, as I gathered with my children to tell my college son over the phone the shocking news that his father had suddenly died, the Spirit helped me share these words: “Some kids never get a day with a father like you had. You had that father.” We were experiencing both excruciating pain and extraordinary thankfulness at the same time.

2. Gratitude doesn’t negate grief.

Being thankful doesn’t alleviate the pain. Sincere gratitude never insists on minimizing pain or slapping a band-aid over it. Gratitude acknowledges the magnitude of loss. That our life held someone or something really, really good and really, really meaningful. Gratitude helps us see we’d never experience grief if we hadn’t first experienced the good gift.

3. Grief can reshape our gratitude.

Loss teaches us about real gratitude. It’s easy to be grateful when things in life are going well. When the bank account is full and the children are behaving. The purest gratitude comes when life feels bad and yet we thank God for his goodness.

It’s while Paul was in prison that he wrote he’d “learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” (Phil 4:11-13, NIV)

4. Gratitude can reshape grief.

So much of the grief journey is out of our control. We may not have been able to control what caused our suffering, we can control our response.

One proactive practice we can take in grief is cultivating gratitude. Intentionally looking for God’s good hand with a daily gratitude list helps us see God is at work all around us even when circumstances are hard.

Gratitude ushers in peace as we give God our worries and he gives us his supernatural peace. Gratitude deepens our faith as we connect the dots of God’s goodness for us and leads to joy. Cultivating thankfulness also helps become content with what we have and defies the enemy’s lies. Choosing gratitude in grief absolutely shapes the way we grieve.

5. Gratitude in grief helps us see God’s goodness doesn’t stop and start.

God’s goodness is always at work. I saw God’s hand personally and precisely in multiple ways before Dan’s death. Here’s what I wrote in my book Life Can Be Good Again:

God did not answer my prayer to preserve Dan’s life, but God’s goodness was all around me. It was his goodness to prompt me earlier that week to go with Dan on his business trip to the Florida Keys for four rare, beautiful days alone. It was God’s goodness that Dan died at home, not on our trip, not at work, not while driving with our kids in the car. It was God’s goodness a friend happened to be at her mountain home near the camp where my son Ben was a counselor, and she drove over to be with him when I told him his dad had died…

It was God’s goodness when my door opened again and again that day as family, friends, and neighbors came to be with us. It was God’s goodness as I listened to my teens and their friends upstairs working through this tragedy with guitars and praise songs…Those are just a few good things we witnessed.

If grief feels like it’s depleted your ability to give thanks, I pray you’ll see how much God is still doing. And if the unction to be thankful feels like stuffing your grief, I pray you’ll see both are allowed.

We can both grieve what’s gone and savor what’s good.

Gratitude in grief helps us hold on to hope that though life doesn’t feel good, God is.

The post Grief and Gratitude: 5 Ways Gratitude Helps Us Move Through Grief appeared first on Lisa Appelo.

Praying When You Have No Words

How do we pray when we have no words? When you don’t know what to pray or simply can’t find the words?

Several months after my husband died, I walked outside to find my six-year-old son with his dad’s bb gun. I was alarmed and had a serious conversation about why he couldn’t get it without permission and an adult present. He nodded, I locked it up, and I thought that was that.

Until a few days later when I walked outside to find him doing the same thing. This time I wasn’t as patient and told him in no uncertain terms the bb gun would be gone if it happened again. I could see tears welling in his eyes as I took the bb gun back inside.

Walking into the laundry room, I closed the door, buried my head in a pile of laundry, and let the sobs of sorrow come.

I knew this wasn’t disobedience. This was a six-year-old boy grieving his dad and the times they went shooting in the woods, fishing at the river, or took trips to the hardware store.

No words formed as I cried into that laundry pile, pouring out my grief to God that I couldn’t fix my son’s pain.

But God heard my groans.

Not more than an hour later, a friend called saying her husband wanted to have my sons to their farm. Was there anything special they could do, she asked?

Oh, yes. Knowing her husband was a bird hunter, I asked if he’d let them shoot to their heart’s content. And would he talk to them about guns and safety like a dad talks to their son?

God not only heard my prayer without words; he answered it.

6 Truths for Praying When You Have No Words

The Bible speaks to wordless prayers.

Romans 8:26-27 says: “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” (Romans 8:26-27, ESV)

This verse gives us six scriptural truths when we don’t have words to pray.

1. God anticipated prayers without words.

God who created us foresaw there would be times we wouldn’t know what to pray.

In my own grief or difficulties, there have been times I was simply out of words or too exhausted by circumstances to form a cohesive prayer.

God who knew we’d experience these times of weakness made provision for our wordless prayers through the Holy Spirit. It’s one more way God cares for us and meets us in our deep pain.

2. God hears our prayers without words.

What grace that God hears our deepest, unspoken heart’s cries. Our prayers don’t have to be expressed aloud.

We see this in Hannah’s prayer of deep grief. (1 Samuel 1:9-16). Hannah endured years of infertility and when her husband’s second wife, who had many children, cruelly taunted her, Hannah took her pain to God at the tabernacle.

Hannah was deeply distressed and wept bitterly. She prayed “speaking in her heart; only her lips moved, and her voice was not heard.” But God heard her prayer and answered her, giving her Samuel as her firstborn and followed by several other children.

3. God welcomes our wordless lament.

Tears are prayers of wordless lament. Lament is bringing our hard emotions and tough questions to God to re-anchor our trust.

Psalm 6 shows us how God heard David’s tearful lament:

“I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; I drench my couch with my weeping…for the LORD has heard the sound of my weeping. The LORD has heard my plea; the LORD accepts my prayer.” (Psalm 6:6,9, ESV)

God welcomes and hears our lament as well.

4. Prayers without words are perfect prayers.

When we don’t have the words to pray, the Holy Spirit does. He knows both our deep heart wrestlings—even those we aren’t aware of—and the thoughts of God. He intercedes perfectly for us “according to God’s will.”

Even when we don’t have words, the Holy Spirt does and his are perfectly aligned to God’s will. When all we can do is utter “help” or sob into a pile of laundry, the Holy Spirit covers us in perfect prayer.

5. Prayers without words help us hear God.

Our wordless prayers leave room for us to hear God. To sit with the Lord and let him comfort us and strengthen us. We can quiet the distracting noise around us to be still and know that he is God.

When we don’t have words to pray, God may have words for us. He may remind us of his past faithfulness, a promise to lean on, or a scripture truth we need. He may have insight we need or wisdom for our circumstance.

6. God is working good even as we have no words for prayer.

The times we have no words to pray are often times we’re at our lowest. We’re exhausted from grief or aching from loss or taxed by our circumstance. We may wonder whether God’s even paying attention or doing anything about our pain.

But as the Spirit intercedes for us when we don’t have words, Romans 8 declares that God is causing all circumstances to work together for good. (Romans 8:28)

At our very lowest, when we don’t even know what to pray, we need the reminder that God is at work and he’s causing even this difficulty to work for good.

The tears we cry into our pillow never go unnoticed by God. Nor do groans too deep for words. When we don’t have words to pray, God hears our heart.

The post Praying When You Have No Words appeared first on Lisa Appelo.

My 2024 Summer Booklist

My 2024 summer booklist is shorter than previous summer booklists because I’m leaving room for two big projects and the research reading that go along with them.

You’ll also notice that while I write on grief, this isn’t a list of grief books. I’m continually reading, researching, and thinking through grief topics. While some of these books touch on loss, my summer booklist is mostly a respite from that heaviness, through lightish fiction or other non-fiction topics I’m interested in.

If you’re looking for a book on grief, my book Life Can Be Good Again: Putting Your World Back Together After It All Falls Apart will walk you through the hard emotions and tough questions of loss with scriptural-saturated ways to renew your hope and begin piecing your shattered heart back together again.

These are clean books, mostly Christian, with a few historical or general market reads. Without further ado, here’s my 2024 summer booklist!

(This post contains my affiliate links. Find my full disclosure policy here.)

2024 Summer Nonfiction Books

Splendid and the Vile: A Saga of Churchill, Family, and Defiance during the Blitz, Erik Larson

I’m one-third of the way through this #1 New York Times bestseller that traces Churchill’s irreplaceable leadership and implacable spirit in his first year as prime minister during WWII, as Germany turned its attention and air power on England. The chapters are mercifully short (think All The Light We Cannot See) but the material is somewhat dense so I’m slowly making my way through.

Psalm 23: Jesus our Shepherd, Companion, and Host, David Gibson

First, how amazing is this book cover? ::heart eyes:: Psalm 23 was the first scripture I memorized. It comforted me in my darkest valley. I’ve taught it in a ladies’ Bible class and spoken on it at retreats. But one thing I know about God’s Word: there’s infinite treasure if we’re willing to dig for it. So I plan to not just read, but dig into this psalm and prayerfully, love my good Shepherd better and deeper for it.

Nothing is Wasted: A True Story of Hope, Forgiveness, and Finding Purpose in Pain, Davey Blackburn (releasing July 2024)

Davey Blackburn was a young pastor in Indianapolis when his wife and unborn child were murdered during a home invasion. He went on to found the Nothing Is Wasted ministry, one of my favorite ministries and podcasts for those grieving. You can listen to my podcast episode with Davey here. LINK

2024 Summer Fiction Books

Give me clean fiction with a riveting plot and interwoven subplots and I’m a happy girl. I’ve either read these authors or done enough due diligence to be satisfied these books meet those criteria.

The London House, Katherine Reay

This is one of my current audiobook listens. (Audible helps me fit so many more books into my schedule!)

I’m a long-time Katherine Reay reader, whose books usually include a feminine protagonist, an engaging storyline, and, more recently, an international setting. In this time-split novel, Carolyn Payne returns to her family’s London home to untangle a family secret about two sisters and their involvement in Britain’s WWII spy network. Reay’s books stay light enough not to mess with my thoughts or emotions. Sometimes you just need a good book that won’t rip your heart out.

The British Booksellers, Kristy Cambron

It’s shaping up to be the summer of English bookstores for me. I mean, if I’m not there I may as well read about it! In The British Booksellers, aristocratic Charlotte Terrington secretly falls for Amos Darby, the son of tenant farmers, until they’re separated during WWI.

The book description goes on: “From deep in the trenches of the Great War to the storied English countryside and the devastating Coventry Blitz of World War II, The British Booksellers explores the unbreakable bonds that unite us through love, loss, and the enduring solace that can be found between the pages of a book.” Looks like a great beach (or lake or mountain) read!

These Are My Words: The Diary of Sarah Agnes Prine 1881-1901, Nancy E. Turner

I found this book recommended here and with a 4.4 Goodreads rating of almost 76,000 entries, I’m adding it to my summerlist with great anticipation.

Here’s the book description: “A moving, exciting, and heartfelt American saga inspired by the author’s own family memoirs, these words belong to Sarah Prine, a woman of spirit and fire who forges a full and remarkable existence in a harsh, unfamiliar frontier. Scrupulously recording her steps down the path Providence has set her upon—from child to determined young adult to loving mother—she shares the turbulent events, both joyous and tragic, that molded her, and recalls the enduring love with cavalry officer Captain Jack Elliot that gave her strength and purpose.

Rich in authentic everyday details and alive with truly unforgettable characters, These Is My Words brilliantly brings a vanished world to breathtaking life again.”

Swoon. I’m sold.

2024 Summer Bonus Books

God Who Became Bread: A True Story of Starving, Feasting, and Feeding Others, Emily T. Wierenga

Emily founded The Lulu Tree to serve the spiritually and physically impoverished through the local church in nations around the world. Her work with widows, single mothers, and orphans resonates deeply with me because I know firsthand that ministering to a widow is ministering to her family and the generations to follow.

Emily actually stepped away from a thriving writing career to establish The Lulu Tree. In this new surprise memoir, she poetically weaves her story of the anorexia that nearly killed her, a dry faith that disappointed her, and the rich faith and healing she found as she returned to Africa.

She Believed HE Could, So She Did: Trading Culture’s Lies for Christ-Centered Empowerment, Becky Beresford

Becky is long-time writing friend and I’m thrilled with her recently released, debut book. Chapter by chapter, Becky tackles some of the lies culture sells us with scripture and inspiring stories. Lies like “You are enough!” and “Speak Your Truth” and “The Future is Female.” (I’m cheering my two girls, but I’m also the mom of five young men who love the Lord and I pray will be used mightily for his kingdom!)

ADHD Is Awesome: A Guide to (Mostly) Thriving with ADHD, by Penn and Kim Holderness

This is another audiobook I’ll listen to while I’m walking. I bought it the day they announced pre-orders! I’m investigating ADHD because someone I love may have it, and that in itself is a whole rabbit hole of learning. I hope this book will be an upbeat approach that will answer some questions and ways to navigate life with ADHD.

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31 Biblical Grief Affirmations with Scripture

Biblical grief affirmations are powerful for dealing with loss and overcoming the lies and fear threatening to take root.

Because while grieving takes place in the heart, it also takes place in the mind. In the weeks and months after Dan suddenly died, my thoughts churned on overdrive as I replayed what happened and tried to wrap my mind around the massive changes I encountered.

My circumstances screamed that everything good was behind me while the enemy planted lies of fear for my children and future.

Grief affirmations rooted in scripture tether us to truth when we desperately need it. Today I’m sharing 31 Biblical grief affirmations for loss with their supporting Bible verses.

What are grief affirmations?

Biblical grief affirmations are true declarations based on God’s Word, his character and his promises.

We need Biblical affirmations because we have an enemy working overtime to feed us lies meant to steal, kill and destroy. In my own grief, I could almost feel Satan trying to get a foothold into our family and finish off what loss had started.

But God has given us everything we need to fight and win the battle over our thoughts. Scripture tells us to take every thought captive to the truth of Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5) This means holding our worries, regrets, despair, fear and lies up to the truth found in God’s Word and replacing them with that truth.

Grief affirmations aren’t intended to make us skip over the hard emotions. We’ll feel despair, for example, but scripturally sound grief affirmations keep that despair from becoming permanent. We’ll experience fear but grief affirmations incapacitate those fears so we can move forward.

As we long for the life we had or wanted, grief affirmations help us trust that life can be good again.

How do you use grief affirmations?

One of best ways to use grief affirmations is to read one each day. Speak the truth over your circumstance and if you have trouble believing it, speak it out loud.

Pray through it as you apply it in your life, meditate on it throughout the day or—my favorite—journal through the affirmation.

Write the grief affirmation with its scripture on a sticky note and post it where you’ll see it during the day. Or text one a day to a friend walking through grief.

You can work through these affirmations in the order I’ve listed here or read through the list and choose one each day that meets you where you’re struggling.

31 Biblical Grief Affirmations with Scripture

1. My emotions are safe with God and he welcomes the depth and breadth of my lament.

“I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; I drench my couch with my weeping. My eye wastes away because of my grief…for the LORD has heard the sound of my weeping. The LORD has heard my plea; the LORD accepts my prayer.” (Psalm 6:6-9, ESV)

2. God hasn’t given me a timeline for my grief. I can take as long as I need to process this loss.

“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18, ESV)

3. It won’t always feel like this. God has promised to heal my broken heart and bind my wounds.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3, ESV)

4. No matter how dark or how long this feels, God will lead me through this painful valley.

“For even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4, ESV)

5. This is too hard for me but this isn’t too hard for God. God’s sustaining grace will meet me and carry me moment by moment.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’” (2 Corinthians 12:9, NIV)

6. It’s okay to say this circumstance stinks and acknowledge this isn’t the story I wanted but I will also declare that God will be faithful in this to me.

“The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:22-23, ESV)

7. God’s goodness is at work for me even though this doesn’t feel good right now.

“You are good and you do only good.” (Psalm 119:68, NLT)

8. Though I don’t see a way through this grief, God will lead me each step and knows the way he’s taking me.

“But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth like gold.” (Job 23:10, NIV)

9. Even if others don’t see the pain I’m carrying, God sees it, understands it fully and is with me in it.

“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?” (Psalm 56:8, ESV)

10. God is not against me. God is for me.

“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who shall be against us?” (Romans 8:31, ESV)

11. God has not withheld good from me and will not withhold good from me. God is generous beyond what I can even see right now.

“For the LORD God is a sun and a shield; the LORD bestows honor and favor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.” (Psalm 84:11, ESV)

12. My circumstance hasn’t taken God by surprise and I trust God who is sovereign over this unexpected path will use it for his good and glory.

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us…. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:18, 28, ESV)

13. God sees every tear I cry and gave me the gift of tears to help comfort in grief. None of my tears will be wasted.

“Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing sheaves with him.” (Psalm 126:5-6, ESV)

14. I will smile again. I’ll open my heart and life to experience joy knowing that it doesn’t dishonor my beloved one or discount my sorrow.

“Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” (Psalm 30:5, ESV)

15. I will not let fear keep me from moving forward because God goes before me in whatever this day holds.

“It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” (Deuteronomy 31:8, ESV)

16. I have hope because I’m held and loved by the God of hope.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” (Romans 15:13, EV)

17. I can do hard things today because God is my strength.

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1, NIV)

18. Though loss has brought massive change, God has not changed. So I can count on God’s character and his promises in this.

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8, ESV)

19. I will surrender my expectations to God and trust his plans are far more than I could ask or imagine.

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20, NIV)

20. God has the wisdom I need for every decision I’m facing.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” (James 1:5, NIV)

21. God knows my needs and will meet them in his perfect timing and with his perfect provision.

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19, NIV)

22. I will draw close to God in this and let him use it to bring much good fruit in my life and through my life.

“Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit.” (John 15:5, ESV)

23. God has significant purpose for me not despite the pain but because of this pain.

“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10, ESV)

24. I am beloved by God more fully than I could ever imagine. The cross not this circumstance is the measure of God’s love for me.

“And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.” (Ephesians 3:18, NLT)

25. I have every spiritual tool I need to overcome the enemy’s arrows in this situation. So today I put on the belt of God’s truth, the breastplate of his righteousness, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and with my feet firmly planted in his promises, use his Word to silence the enemy.

“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.” (Ephesians 6:11 and following, NIV)

26. I unburden my overwhelming emotions, questions and needs today and rest in God’s love.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30, NIV)

27. I give my worries about ______________ to God and thank him for __________________, knowing that his peace surpasses my circumstance and will keep me grounded as life shakes.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7, NIV)

28. I will choose to find loveliness in this life God has given even if every moment doesn’t feel lovely.

“Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!” (Psalm 34:8, ESV)

29. God’s love is at work for me even though I don’t understand my circumstances right now.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6, ESV)

30. I trust God with my broken heart and my pain and trust that He will reshape what has shattered.

“I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living. Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!” (Psalm 27:13-14, NKJV)

31. I can meet this day with confidence because so far, my record of moving through tough days with God is 100%.

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.” (Hebrews 10:23, NIV)

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8 Ways Time Warps in Grief

Time warps in grief. Mourning distorts how we experience and sense the passage of time in grief. It changes the predictability we came to count on, the way we see the past, the present and the future.

Within the space of a few hours, life irrevocably shifted when Dan died. I was unmoored from our life rhythms, no longer tied to Dan’s work schedule, his days off, his vacation time.

While the outside world continued to hum with its steady progression of hours and days and weeks, the perception of time changed in my grief.

Grief distorted time in multiple ways. Some happened early in grief and some still persist years later.

As you move through life after loss, you may recognize one or all of the ways time warps in grief.

8 ways time warps in grief

1.Time stops.

The details of my last hours with Dan are frozen in time. They’re seared into my memory, nearly as fresh as they were the day it happened.

While grief has softened the physical pain of those memories, they are indelibly stamped in my memory. “There memories are so emotionally important to us that they’re laid down as vividly, completely and accurately as a photograph.”[i]

Dan will never get older. He’ll never age in our photos or memories. I won’t have more birthdays or anniversaries with him. I’ve gotten older and our children are getting older, but Dan is forever 47.

The challenge for those of us living after loss is not to become frozen in time as well. While there will always be a sense that time stopped that day, as we process our grief we’ll be able to move forward to live well in the present.

2. Time divides.

Deep loss divides time into a before and after. Maybe you’ve experienced that after the death of someone you love, a divorce or a diagnosis. That loss becomes a fulcrum on which life before and life after toggle.

Ask anyone walking through deep grief and they’ll tell you the exact day life split into two halves. Even twelve years later, when I tell a story or recall an event, I immediately place it as before or after Dan died.

The date of loss isn’t just a marker of time, but a pivot point where the trajectory of our life veered afterward. Life cannot go back to the way it was before. The date of loss is the great divide and grief the canyon we have to traverse to get to the other side.

3. Time repeats.

The days following Dan’s memorial service felt like Groundhog Day. Each morning, I’d wake and for the tiniest moment, life felt normal. Just as suddenly, I’d remember Dan was gone and the weight of grief would swallow me all over again.

In quiet moments, my mind replayed the events of what had happened. I’d expect him to walk through the back door or I’d pick up my phone to share news about one of the kids and then remember—he was gone.

We stay in this loop of replaying and remembering because it takes months to wrap our mind around the reality of loss. I think, too, regret plays a role. Regret makes us think we could have changed the ending. If only real life was like the movies, where a day gone wrong keeps replaying until they finally get the outcome they want.

4. Time slows.

In those first days of raw grief, time seemed to go in slow motion. I functioned on autopilot in a fog of grief. In the bubble of my own broken heart, the rest of the world faded away.

Things like world politics and local events no longer interested me. Life hummed all around me and friends moved on with work and sports and birthday parties, while I pulled inward, spent more time alone and let go of outside responsibilities that weren’t essential.

Grieving felt like sludging through mud, only to get up and do it again the next day. (See #3.) To use another analogy, it felt like stepping off a busy treadmill while the world continued to move on. The constant ache and messy mix of grueling emotions demanded my full attention and I fought to simply be present for my children.

5. I felt both older and younger after loss.

Loss changes our role and identity. Most of us become part of a club we never wanted. Mine was the widow club, which made me feel decades older. Add to that the stress of solo parenting and trauma of Dan’s death and I could almost feel myself aging.

At the same time, I felt younger. I was newly single. The last time I’d been unconnected and unengaged I was 18 years old. I could date again. I lost my appetite and lost weight, pulling out old clothes I hadn’t worn in years from the back of my closet.

I was in a class all by myself. No one in my circle was a widow and none was single. I was too young for the widows class at church and too old for the singles class.

6. The past is excruciating.

Grieving the life I’d had was excruciating after Dan died. We had so many plans and dreams suddenly cut short. Facebook memories of smiling days mocked my grim reality. Driving past date night spots or through the town where we’d grown up, met, and dated was a neon reminder of the person and life I no longer had.

But grief can also distort the past, causing us to view it with rosy retrospection.[ii] Not everything was perfect before loss. Nostalgia causes us to look back and remember the good while minimizing or leaving out the hard.

On tough days, I have to guard against seeing life before loss as only good. Truth is, life before loss was a mix of good and challenge, just as life after loss is a mix of good and challenge. As we process grief, the raw ache softens allowing us to look back less with pain and more with gratitude.

7. The future is terrifying.

When life implodes in loss, it takes with it the future we thought was ours. The future can feel like a bleak, black hole. After Dan died, I couldn’t imagine what my future held, and I certainly didn’t want it because he wasn’t in it.

The future also felt terrifying. Loss ushers in legitimate concerns for things like finances, health, or how we and our children will make it through. When the unimaginable happens, other horrific events no longer seem remote.

While nostalgia can make us look at the past as only good, fear can make us see the future as only bad. Neither is true. We need to take the lies driving our fears captive to God’s truth to find our way forward.

8. Our body tracks time even when we don’t.

A few years ago, as the calendar turned toward the date Dan went to heaven, I told myself I was fine. I’d be fine. It had been nine years and I’d made it through the worst of raw, painful grief.

But my body knew. The day before Dan’s heavengoing, I could feel the effects of grief. I was pensive. Reflective. And tired. While I’d assumed I’d be able to navigate that day like any other, my body wouldn’t let me. I canceled activities and took time to grieve, which I’m sure involved bingeing Netflix and plenty of rest.

It’s uncanny to me how our mind and body keep track of the date of loss. Instead of expecting myself to push through, I’ve learned to make space for the memories and emotions and missing that come.

As time warps in grief, time is both hurtful and hopeful. Each day we move forward from loss is one day further from the last hug or last conversation with our loved one. With each passing day, the memory of their voice and touch fade.

But the passage of time also means we’re one day closer. We can take heart in every sunrise. Because each day moves us one day closer to eternity and seeing our loved one again.

[i] Law, Bridget Murray, “Seared Into Our Memories,” https://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/09/m...
[ii] https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/ros...

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Easter Hope in Grief

I see now that Easter speaks to grief and those grieving in ways I couldn’t before. The path to resurrection joy comes through shattering loss and mourning.

I’ve always looked forward to the Easter season, marveling all over again at Jesus’ obedience and sacrificial love as we observe Palm Sunday, Holy Week and Resurrection Sunday.

Nature seems to match the anticipation as it springs to new life with blooming banks of azalea, wild dogwoods, and the beloved cross-shaped pine tree shoots that flock the trees like candles on a Christmas tree.

Navigating fresh grief through Christmas, New Years and the dreary days of winter was brutal. But the heaviness of grief seemed to ease as Easter approached.

Easter also became more meaningful in the wake of Dan’s death.

The Easter story holds powerful lessons for the grieving. Let’s look at seven ways to find Easter hope in grief.

Easter Hope in Grief

1. Easter holds hope because Jesus overcame death.

Hallelujah, right? When we love someone in heaven, Easter means we’ll see them again.

Jesus defeated death so that believers will never, not for a minute, taste death. We go from life to life—face-to-face with Christ. (John 14:19)

We will experience the sting of grieving those who go to heaven before us. But we’ll never experience the sting of death.

2. Easter holds hope because Jesus understands pain.

We have a Savior who understands pain and loss. Any suffering we experience this side of heaven Jesus also experienced.

Jesus wept at the death of Lazarus. He anguished to the point of sweating blood in the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus knows rejection, abandonment, sorrow, exhaustion, false accusation, betrayal, physical torture and humiliation.

Jesus was “despised and rejected—a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief.” (Isaiah 53:3, NLT)

If no one around you gets your grief, Jesus does. He understands human frailty and he is right now beside the Father interceding for us with compassionate mercy. (Hebrews 4:15-16)

3. Easter holds hope because God is never not at work.

The day between Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday is called Silent Saturday. God is silent in scripture. On the surface, it looked like nothing was happening.

I can only imagine the disciples disillusionment and gut-wrenching grief as they forced themselves through each Sabbath task.

But God’s silence is not God’s indifference.

God is always at work. Maybe you’ve questioned where God is in your pain. Maybe you’ve wondered why he didn’t or hasn’t stepped in to relieve your suffering.

God’s silence isn’t abandonment or apathy. Though we may not yet see it, Easter reminds us that God is always at work. His goodness and love are for us even when we can’t see it.

4. Easter holds hope because of glory that awaits us.

Your pain will be redeemed. Scripture says our present suffering isn’t even “worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18, ESV)

As I meditated on this verse this week, I imagined a balance scale. What kind of redemption on one side would balance out the depth of grief on the other side? But Paul writes that trying to balance that scale is useless because the glory that awaits us is incomparable.

God doesn’t dismiss the very real pain and sorrow of suffering. But he does give us hope that it’s not for nothing. That he sees it. And that one day, we’ll be able to look back with perspective knowing that, as grueling as grief is, it pales in comparison to the glory in heaven.

5. Easter holds hope because Jesus gives us abundant life.

The thief came to steal, kill and destroy but Jesus overcame the enemy to bring us abundant life.

Really? ou may be thinking. Because this isn’t the abundant life I ordered. n abundant life doesn’t mean a pain-free life.

An abundant life means we have intimacy with God, peace in the storms, strength in our weakness, provision in our need, wisdom for our circumstances, guidance for the path and every spiritual gift and sustenance we need.

When life implodes in loss, taking with it our person, our dreams, and the future we had with them, we wonder if we’ll ever feel real joy again.

But Jesus’ promise of abundant life doesn’t start and stop. The abundant life may not look like the one we ordered, but we can be certain God has more for us than we could ever ask or imagine. (Ephesians 3:20)

6. Easter holds hope because we now have the Holy Spirit.

Jesus’ death, resurrection and ascension ushered in the ministry of the Holy Spirit for believers. I can imagine the disciples fear when, on the heels of rising from the grave, Jesus told them he was leaving them.

But Jesus said it was to their advantage that he go back to heaven. Only then would we have the indwelling Holy Spirit. (John 16:7)

The Holy Spirit is the Comforter. That comfort comes through his indwelling presence in the worst of circumstances.

“When you have walked through a period of honest grief, you experience God in a way you wouldn’t wish on anyone else—but in a way you never could have without the loss…God doesn’t immediately say, ‘This is going to be good,’ like people often do. He just sits there with you in it and the ministry of His presence is healing.”1

7. Easter holds hope because God always gets the last word.

Nothing happens without first passing through the sovereign and loving hand of God.

The enemy thought his cunning put Jesus on the cross.
The Jewish authorities thought their plans put Jesus the cross.
The crowd thought their decision put Jesus on the cross.
The Roman government thought their power put Jesus on the cross.

But none of these had authority over Jesus. God was in full control and Jesus chose to lay down his life. Jesus had all authority to lay down his life and take it up again. (John 10:18).

If God was in control when all seemed lost that Good Friday, we can trust God’s in control when all seems lost for us as well.

Easter means ashes aren’t the end of our story.
And Easter holds hope because God always has the last word.

If it’s not good, Easter reminds us that God’s not done.

1 Dr. Katherine Koonce, from When Your Family’s Lost a Loved One, David and Nancy Guthrie.

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