Samantha Beardon's Blog, page 117
December 11, 2015
Living Life
I love to escape, into my mind
My sanctuary, to visions of all kind
So surreal these can be
Come share and you might see.
Something has set me free
My joy in life maybe the key
Using the past, learning for the future
Each a story line making a booster
New skills to learn new paths to create
Understanding beliefs that formulate
Before me paths spread to tease
Which way does my journey lead?
Looking at the world anew
Counting blessings many not few
I view the options try the paths
Grab hold of life with pizazz.
December 9, 2015
Sunset
Sunset
Watching the sun dip below the horizon
Ingots of flaming red are flooding the sky
Lavender, Magenta and Indigo coalasce into a volcano of colour
Lighting our world with wonder and glory
Imagine diving deep into that pool of glorious technicolour
Absorbing the energy transmuting it into an estcsay of feeling
Motivating the joy of life and living.
Chapter 2. Eve.Taster for Converging Lives.
Eve rocks back in her chair, eyes wide, and lips slightly opened she looks at the text in disbelief. How has she got embroiled in such a tangled web? Her sane and proper side is aghast, whilst the irrepressible side smirks and shrugs. It seems to be part of this new world of cyber intrigue. She closes her eyes, breathing deeply, momentarily centring her awareness on her immediate surroundings. The screech of tyres and intrusive music coming from the television, the softness of her chair, the pungent smell of lilies in her nostrils, the slight squeak of her husband John’s leather chair as he leans forward to view the action on the screen. Trying to centre herself, stifling the giggles welling up inside, how to explain a sudden explosion of mirth, when John has no idea what is appearing on the Smartphone screen and he is extremely tense and grumpy. She swallows a giggle as it bubbles up, thinking of his reaction.
She glances back down at the screen and rereads the text.
R: ‘Have you ever indulged in mutual masturbation on here?’
Her fingers hover over the keyboard as she ponders her reply. No rush she thinks and sits back in her chair, squirms to get comfortable, eyes fixed on the television, thoughts far away. She is playing a new game of Word Crozzle that started earlier today, two random strangers playing an innocent word game and starting to chat in the text column. Some players do not talk. Rick does, they have played and chatted off and on, at odd moments during the day, it has been stimulating, funny and intriguing and now this. She reflects back on the start of that game and their first words, their first text conversation. It started with the normal niceties, then moved to more in-depth information about themselves .She flicks back to their earlier conversation.
E: ‘Wow that was a little serious, a 7 letter swap!!! Lol.’
R: ‘7 vowels. That were not going anywhere.’
E : ‘No….lol.’
E : ‘So do you have much of an Australian accent? Do the accents change around Australia? I was born in Somerset and there is a strong regional accent and although I moved away, I still have a touch of it, underlying reasonably cut glass English.’
R: ‘I was born in the UK so the Australians think I sound like a funny Pom everybody else recognises I come from Oz! Lol.’
E : ‘Do you have any family?’
R: ‘Yes I am married and have a grown daughter; a little bit of a story here I will share at some future point. Other than that, I have no relatives. You?’
E: ‘Yes I also have a daughter she is 24 and I am married. My parents are both dead but I have a sister although we are not close.’
E: ‘OH that is sad.’
E: ‘My sister is older than me but too close to really be friends, there has always been rivalry between us, as children we always wanted the same toys and squabbled incessantly, our mother would ban us into separate rooms. They even sent us to different schools she went to a prestigious girl’s school while I went to the local comprehensive, not that I did badly from it… but!’
R: ‘I grew up virtually an only child, I too had a sister younger than me and she died in infancy, my mother never got over it. In fact, although it had absolutely nothing to do with me, I always felt mother blamed me. She did what was necessary to bring me up but there was little love and affection. My father was away often in the British Army and when he was away I was left very much to my own devices, I bunked off school, got into scrapes, I was punished, but in a way at least that was attention.’
E: ‘Oh wow Rick.’
R: When I was eight, I was sent to boarding school and although it was lonely at first, it stopped me becoming a thug and a tearaway. Then my father was seconded to Australia and my mother went with him leaving me in England flying out for the holidays.’
E: ‘Oh Rick that is so sad it’s so young to be put into that sort of environment. How did you cope?’
R: ‘Yes maybe, but it gave me affection and caring in a way lacking at home. Luckily, I was good at sport and so got accepted by a group of lads older than me, I was on the fringes but protected and I learned many things very early. They were already into sex for instance so I got indoctrinated young.’
E:’I am not sure whether that’s good or bad, maybe it robbed you of a proper childhood having to grow up early.’
R: ‘We had an army cadet corps and the second in command, helped turn my life around; she channelled my energies into productive things. She was the school secretary; probably 22, attractive and I think I gave all the love, my mother didn’t want, to her. I think she was the first of my older women and she certainly had a profound lasting effect on my life. I became adept at all the set tasks she entrusted me, she gave me responsibility and if I strayed she talked things through with me.’
E: ‘Wow Rick that is quite something, great that she had such a positive effect on you. Did you also make some long lasting friends from those days?
R: ‘Yes a couple of my school friends joined the army when I did, we have been life time mates; that’s why I so enjoy male company as well as the female (of course!)’ I have had a lifetime of boarding school, team sport and then the army. My school group and then my army mates gave me security, a feeling of belonging and trust.’
Eve is touched at the thought of the little boy starved of love and she is interested to see how the man turned out. She thinks that he looks quite attractive in the thumbnail picture attached and he obviously finds her acceptable too. He is certainly an articulate, funny and charming man with an adventurous side, maybe too much of a risk taker. She is concerned by the new sexual developments wondering if is it time to pull the plug and run from this, or plunge into an unknown and possibly intimate arena. Probably the former, but she is curious, intrigued and totally flabbergasted in equal measures!
‘Mutual masturbation’, indeed! It is still making her smile whilst part of her is bristling at the very idea. She decides to reply and see where things go.
The one stark word she hopes, echoing her outrage, not her mirth.
E: ‘NO!’
Is he crazy? She thinks! She frowns, purses her lips and slightly shakes her head as she mentally berates herself! Come on Eve, you should not get into sex chat with a stranger. However, there is a little voice in her head saying “Hah, but, I want to know what’s in his mind, what harm can it do?” Roxy, her alter ego, the mischievous, naughty side of her. Has the upper hand and as usual and is trying to push the boundaries! She tries to subdue Roxy and her errant thoughts, to concentrate on being sensible behaving as a well brought – up lady.
R: ‘You need to try it, baby.’ blinks up on the screen, followed by ‘Do you have Beat Messenger so we can exchange a few pictures?’
She has heard of this chat room widely used for messaging but has never used it.
She breathes in the familiar scents of the room, overlaid by the heady perfume of the lilies, considering her reply. The sane voice in her head is flagging up all the cons of the situation, is this man who he says he is? What if he is a predator? What are his motives? Is this normal behaviour on a word game forum? Yeek! Her thoughts whirl as the violence on the television eddies and swirls around her, mirroring her thoughts.
E: ‘No I don’t think I do!’
Whilst the idea of a mild flirtation is flattering and sounds like fun, he is talking about things beyond her ken, cybersex, and mutual masturbation. This is way beyond her comfort zone. It is nice that a good-looking man with lots of charisma is flirting with her. It is giving her flagging ego a boost at a time when she needs one. She is having concerns about her husband’s fidelity. They seem to have lost their connection and she is feeling rudderless and adrift. However, her upbringing has taught her not to indulge in dual relationships of any sort; the idea freaks her, the aftermath of her parents’ marriage breakup having traumatised her. So half of her is outraged and against the idea whilst the other half is intrigued and enjoying the attention.
Eve reviews her options, luckily this is a game on the net, so she has time to sit and think, is free to resign the game at any time, is anonymous with the avatar name RubyRoxy, although she has posted that thumbnail picture. During the course of the day, they have shared some information, but he does not know her full name or exact location, even though they have traded stories. Roxy highlights new excitement, the lure of a flirtation maybe, the challenge of an unknown world. Eve firmly pushes her back into her box, deciding to maybe sleep on it and think before pulling the plug. It has been a rather enjoyable day, enlivening the tedium of household chores and a seemingly humdrum existence…
The programme on the TV finishes. She has only a hazy notion of what has happened; this is not a programme she can discuss, if asked its merits. She gets up and wanders into her sparkling kitchen to make a drink. Working on autopilot, running through what she has learned about Rick today. He has a nice face if the picture is recent, hard to be sure but stunning eyes, early fifties, married, a financial advisor who works from an office at home, Australian, a bit of an insomniac. Loves travel has visited 11 countries including England twice. Mad about sport, plays golf and squash, used to swim competitively. Watches a lot of sport on the box, and she is a couch potato. She thinks; a man’s man, definitely larger than life, extrovert, maybe a blagger. They have common interests in rock music, world events and poetry. From his history she wonders if maybe he lacks the ability to really love, or the ability to form strong female attachments
“Hah, all to the good for a flirtation” says Roxy.
He has played Crozzle for nearly a year, and he discovered cybersex shortly after starting, having been drawn into it by a lady from Scotland. He has been honest about his relations with others, which she feels is at least healthy, he is not trying to conceal the fact that he chats and flirts with other women. So this sketch of a man appeals to her. He is articulate, texts well, has a dry sense of humour, and has hit her life when she is sitting on the cusp.
This cybersex obsession worries her. Although he was clear he was not trying to push her into anything with which, she is not comfortable. She wanders around the house sipping her drink, trying to get this man and these thoughts into perspective. Is it the heady perfume of the lilies that is causing her confusion? Or is it the fact that Roxy is back out of her box, urging. “Eve go back and talk to him again. This feels like fun.” She is very insistent and overrides Eve’s misgivings. Eve sits back down in the lounge, Smartphone in hand and starts to type.
E: ‘No I don’t have Beat messenger, and why would we want to exchange pictures? I think that is much more of a man thing than a woman’s, I do not think pictures would arouse me; I would need some physical stimulation. If you are alluding to intimate pictures. If I have the wrong end of the stick I am sorry.’
R: ‘You don’t know till you try it. When the time is right and you are feeling sexy, if you have a vibrator get it out, and let me text you to orgasm, it works believe me. But there is no rush we can share other pictures on Beat, and it’s easier to chat if we are both on line. I want to get to know you better and there are so many things it’s easy to share on Beat.’
She pulls a face shakes her head and replies.
E: ‘If you say so. You are the one with the experience, although I have my doubts that you could text me to orgasm. Wet and wanting maybe but a full-blown orgasm, hmm! Apart from anything else, it’s a big leap of faith to try such a thing with a stranger and not the sort of thing the average well brought up girl does! I know the world has changed dramatically and that youngster’s sex text all the time but this is outside my comfort zone!’
She switches from text to the Crozzle board and plays ‘quest,’ which gives her a good score of 58 points, giving her a 30-point lead. Then plays the other games that are waiting, some with friends and others with random strangers. She finds the game really fun and interesting to play with a variety of people, chatting in the text column with those few who want to talk. Starting a conversation adds an extra dimension. As she plays, she sees another message symbol from Rick.
R: ‘I am not trying to pressure you, angel. You must feel comfortable. If you feel that the time is right just contact me, I am often free during the day. Evenings are more difficult unless late, but let’s try some non-contentious stuff on Beat first.’
She relaxes. He is not making demands. As she is thinking, another message arrives
R: ‘You say you read, have you read the new urban rage High Flyer?’
She smiles, a book she struggled through, but finished because of the hype around it.
E: ‘I thought the plot was very thin, and the sex got a tad boring. I believe lots of women have fallen in love with Josh but he actually irritated the hell out of me and I am not at all sure I could take on the submissive role.’
R: ‘Right I heard the same. Preposterous premise not all that well written, overdone sex with a bondage punishment bias, not really a guy’s kind of book. Did it arouse you?’
Eve raises her eyes heavenwards sighs they are back to sex again, although she enjoys a good debate about anything, so wants to state her views.
E: ‘I don’t think the sex was that overdone, though there are only so many ways you can describe it. The bondage thing was a big part of the plot. Did it arouse me? That’s an interesting question. Some parts did yes but I think overall other books have aroused me more.’
R: ‘Yes right, I know a couple of ladies, who now have the fantasy to be tied up. Lol.’
She glances at the television; it seems to be a documentary about the coast. Then looks back at her phone and plays on the Crozzle grid before returning to the text.
E: ‘Yes I think it sparked a lot of women’s imaginations. Though I think, it’s sad it takes a book, to put sex on to the agenda. I think sex should be kept playful and exciting all the time or it becomes boring. It’s about who you are with and what you are happy with. Do you fancy being tied up?’ Roxy rubs her hands with glee see how he handles that!
R: ‘Yes totally agree, I like new experiences, but would not like to be tied up, I like to control my orgasm to that of my partners, being tied up would kill me.’
E: ‘So you would not want to be the submissive, with the mistress in fishnets and boots then. You would rather be Josh?’ Roxy does a high five…
R: ‘Ha ha ha I guess so. Who is Josh?’
E: ‘The hero in High Flyer the dominant, I couldn’t be the submissive; I would want to talk back too much. Prefer the middle ground, quite like the man in charge of the sex scene but equally like to give him pleasure.’
R: ‘Oh I haven’t read it. But I do like to pleasure the lady with fore play oral and fingers, to breakpoint before letting myself in and releasing. Mm mm this is arousing me lol.’
She sighs and frowns things are getting very sexual again, she has nothing against discussing the book, but they are getting into Ricks predilections and she is not sure she is ready for them yet, or whether she will ever be up for this level of intimacy.
E: ‘Is it? Well I am finding it an interesting discussion but it’s not arousing me now, it’s really nice to hear your views in general terms but I am not ready for any deeper sexual intimacy yet. It is something I have never done and I think like in the real world it’s something that should be shared with somebody one cares about.’
R: ‘True you have to trust the person, cyber-sex or real sex Eve, that’s why I am saying I am not putting pressure on you, I am just exploring the possibilities with you. Plus, enjoying an interesting discussion, you sound like a sensual lady and it is not as if we haven’t covered a lot of other ground today.’
She is hooked into the conversation then Rick throws in a firecracker.
R: Have you had another woman go down on you? Would you? That is something that appeals to most men.
Eve frowns at the phone. Hah, she thinks. Typical man. Have you ever gone down on a man, is not something I would ever think to ask! Roxy is smirking as she can feel Eve has slightly raised hackles.
E: ‘Oh bloody hell Rick. No, I haven’t, and no I probably wouldn’t. Most men might fancy the idea, but would you want to be sucked by a man? I can get all the pleasure I need from a man who listens to me and responds to my needs and who is prepared to try different things. Why would I want to try with a woman?’
R: ‘Yes that’s cool. No, I wouldn’t want to be sucked by a man. But a lot more women appear to be bi.’
E: ‘Maybe they respond to your fantasies and say what they thing you want to hear! Or it is a way – out fantasy for them.
Truth to tell Eve is a little bored and unhappy with life, she tries to be self-fulfilled and to be in charge of her own happiness. Life is getting a tad stale and she needs to find new challenges. She has very little confidence because her husband John puts her down, makes her feel she is always in the wrong and sometimes uses sex as a weapon to punish her. She is thinking that although this would be no more than a diversion, it would be something totally new. Her sane side is reasoning; she should not be thinking about it at all. Roxy pops up and indicates that an on-line flirtation would be more manageable than one in the real world. Eve pushes her back in her box. Whilst Beat Messenger in itself, is not an issue intimate pictures are a definite no no.
For Eve this is maybe not a good time. Her marriage is on knife-edge and she has doubts about John’s fidelity. There are subtle signs that he is having an affair. The catalogue and invitation from Mysons’ jewellery, suggesting a special opportunity for a valued client; when he has never bought her jewellery from that shop. She is aware she may be just reacting negatively to her suspicions and therefore subliminally paying John back by this flirtation. Her concerns are that, two wrongs don’t make a right and all that, although John tries his, best to keep her contained whilst going off and having a solo social life, mainly in the name of business. She acknowledges that wanting to do what John does is a possibility, but thinks that she has enjoyed her chat with Rick and they just seemed to click.
She sits again and picks up the phone.
E: ‘Hi Rick, I have been thinking, always a bad move!! I would love to get to know you better, but I am not ready to go to Beat yet.’ She pauses to think. ‘I don’t really get sex texting, how can it bring satisfaction it’s not like real loving.’
Eve makes a move on the board and after the move, there is a message symbol, which she opens and reads with an audible intake of breath, she leans back and does a double take. Her cheeks start to redden. Whoa as she reads:
R: ‘Walking up behind you, touching your hair, and bending to kiss the top of your head, you turn your head and smile at me and I kiss your lips. Then I kneel beside you slip my hands inside your blouse and gaze into your eyes.’
She blinks a little as she looks at the screen, she is sitting in the lounge and her daughter has just walked in. She glances around to make sure nobody can see the conversation.
R: ‘I kiss you again intertwining our tongues, as I hold, weigh and caress your breasts, gently tweaking the nipples so they stand erect. You can feel that tug going down to your groin.’
She is shocked but intrigued, this is reading rather like a sexy novel she thinks, but it’s happening, in her house, from a man she has never met.
She is feeling apprehensive, slightly defensive but also she has to admit excited. How to handle this sudden intimacy? Before her brain has thought through the problem she sees another message has appeared on the screen.
R: ‘Moving my mouth down your body, tongue is on your pussy; my cock is hard and pressing against your leg.’
Cripes, she thinks, starting to panic. Then she sits up straight grips the phone and mentally berates herself. Now, Eve get assertive and get him to hold back. Do not just run. He is overstepping the mark, and is pushing ahead without tacit approval. No! she is not going to let another man trample all over her feelings. Roxy is grinning and indicating she is scared. Eve glares at Roxy. This is not funny. He is pushing too hard and not respecting her.
E: ‘Wait Rick, too much too fast. I said I was not ready for this, you have gone way too far. I know I haven’t totally discouraged you, but I am really not into sex texting and I am feeling slightly outraged and shocked.’
R: ‘Ah sorry Eve, I was aroused by our conversation, and wanted to give you a sample of what might happen in a sex texting session. I was not being malicious.’
E: ‘Well you have certainly done that. Do you know where I am at present?’
R: ‘No but let me guess, sitting in the lounge watching TV.’
E: ‘Correct.’
E: ‘Yes and sitting with husband and visiting daughter, whilst being cyber seduced by a stranger!
R: ‘Cool lmao am the same, but in bed, wife has just gone for a shower. ‘Hopefully it gives you a feel for the power of the images that cyber could produce, but no pressure, you must feel good about it.’
She laughs to herself, and looks incredulously at the screen.
E: ‘What do you mean no pressure? You have ramped up the tension, done some sexually explicit texting, thrown my hormones into disarray, charmed me at the same time, and you say no pressure! That has made me laugh. By rights I should be running for the hills, but as you can see I am still here!’ She shakes her head and takes some deep breaths ‘By rights I should be blazingly angry with you Rick that was over the top.’
R: ‘All I can say Eve is that you have interested and excited me as a woman and I got carried away with the moment. I have an impetuous side and it won out. Blame it on the time of day, its 7.00 am I am about to start my day.’
Wow, she thinks it will be hard to balance much conversation when both are awake and free, maybe that will help things stay within normal boundaries. Looking at the screen she sees the game is nearly at an end, infuriatingly he has just had a big score on almost the last letters. She sighs and grinds her teeth, no way for her to pull the game back. She plays her last letters he has won! She challenges him to a new game.
She types ‘Well played, I think! You thrashed me with that last word.’
R: ‘Thank you, watta game and what a start to our friendship!! Will start the new one later today.’
Eve goes back to her other games, scans the thought bubbles above each thumbnail to see if there are any unanswered conversations; Rick has taken up all her free time. She plays a few more games and decides that shower and bed seem like a good idea. She cannot wait to talk this over, with her best friend Carol.
Reblogged from words untrammelled.
The lost emotion,
Flew away with the wind,
Like the butterfly with a broken wing;
The little tear,
Slipped down in the rain,
Searching itself in the lake of pain;
The blush on cheeks,
Disappeared in simple smiles,
Walking in desert spread across miles,
That lost love,
Vanished in the dark,
It failed to understand the loving heart…
-Chitkala Mulye
December 8, 2015
Cyber Dilemmas
Cyber Dilemmas by Eve
Starting off, with tempting situations
Giving and recieving sexy invitations
Stirs the hormones, wakes the senses
But its fantasy, there are fences
Enjoyable banter every day
Adds a thrill, temptation to stray
Keep it friends, or take it further
Miles apart, objective observer
Touch my mind, move within
Share our lives, like breeze on skin
Deciding the straight, or crooked path
Has to be the latter, try to laugh
Searching, looking for something new
My whole being, divided in two
Emotional and physical needs kept apart
Hard sometimes, wrenches the heart
But its fantasy, there are fences
Need to guard, those defences
Emotional and physical needs kept apart
In order, not to break the heart
Dilemma, Temptation, Common Sense
Which will win?
Jump the fence?
Watch “Sarah McLachlan – Angel [Official Music Video]” on YouTube
Christines first music choice.
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